#ladrison

Diana pulled into the parking lot and found a parking spot. She turned off the car and checked the address Astrid had texted her. This was the place. Now she had to let Astrid know she was here and ready to talk. Whatever that meant, whatever that led to.

While she did want to talk with Sam and Quinn at some point, now would probably not be the best time. They were probably the ones who had taken care of Astrid in the aftermath of the breakup, so she wanted to talk to her ex-girlfriend first. And maybe, just maybe, convince her to come back.

Taking a deep breath, she got out of the car and walked towards the entrance. The doors were glass, and through them Diana could see Astrid with Sam and Quinn at a table, eating their food and laughing. Something in her heart pinched.

She texted Astrid. I’m right outside. Still looking into the cafe, Diana watched Astrid check the message on her phone, and saw her expression change as she looked up at the door. Diana gave a small wave.

***

Astrid looked up, and there was Diana. Without fully thinking, without actualizing what she was doing, Astrid stood up from her seat and started walking towards the door, only to be stopped by a light touch on her wrist from Sam.

“Where are you going?” He looked politely curious, as if expecting her to say “bathroom,” but concern still creased his features. Apparently she hadn’t been as surreptitious with her secret as she’d thought.

“I just wanted to get something from the car,” Astrid fibbed, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way her heartbeat was rising, the exhilaration pulsing through her body.

“Cool.” Sam dug back into his food, and Astrid walked towards the front of the cafe. She could hear Quinn asking Sam where she was going as she walked away, but she couldn’t think about it.

The steps towards Diana took forever and no time at all. Astrid’s heart twisted as she approached, as Diana’s beautiful face neared. It had been so long since she’d seen Diana, and yet she looked exactly the same. The same eyes that Astrid had gazed into many a time widened as she approached.

She opened the doors to the restaurant and stepped outside into the just-cold California air. Astrid walked towards Diana, tongue-tied.

How do you talk to your ex that you’re still in love with?

Diana crushed her into a hug, and Astrid breathed in her familiar scent as she returned the embrace. They stayed there for longer than was necessary, slightly swaying. Astrid hadn’t been lying when she said she missed her.

Both of them separated at the same time, and Diana felt a pinch in her gut at how synchronized they were, after months of not seeing each other.

“So…you said you wanted to talk to me?” Astrid said, the words evaporating into the space between them.

“Yeah,” Diana said, looking down. Overtaken by shyness, she half-mumbled. “I missed you.” She met Astrid’s eyes. “Also, I wanted to talk to you about something. Like, long-discussion type talk.”

“Let’s um, go over to the outdoor tables,” Astrid said, moving in the direction of the umbrellad tables just outside of the restaurant. She fought the urge to hold Diana’s hand as they walked over. Maybe I’ll get to do that again someday, she thought.

They sat next to each other, both no longer willing to deny themselves the closeness they’d been missing. Diana spoke first. “Before we go into anything else, I want you to know that…I want to get back together.”

All the hope Astrid had rose to her mind, flooding her senses. She could have everything back that they’d had before, and more. But she couldn’t help but wonder why Diana was proposing this. It seemed too good to be true. “What about Caine?” Astrid asked.

That had been why they’d broken up, after all. The danger Diana’s ex presented.

Diana took a deep breath and looked into Astrid’s eyes. “I don’t think he should control who I date, Astrid. I don’t want to give him that sort of power over my life, but I did. And what we had—” she gestured between them “— it was so wonderful, so perfect. I’m going to fire him from the station tomorrow, because he’s a shitty employee as well.” Diana paused for a moment, thinking through her words. “I don’t care about him, or what he thinks he can do. Letting him into my head was the worst mistake I ever made, because I never got him out. But I want to have you by my side, if you’ll have me.” She held eye contact with Astrid, even though she was getting emotional.

“No more sneaking around? No more shadows?” Astrid asked, tears welling in her eyes. This was everything she’d wanted since Diana had broken up with her. Or since she’d met her, because Astrid could imagine no better future for herself than one with Diana in it. Diana as her girlfriend, her whole girlfriend. No hiding from everyone, no fear, just being with her in private and in public.

“No,” Diana said. “You can introduce me to your parents, and we can get dinner in Perdido. Does that sound good?” She ignored the happy tears starting to run down her face, even as she started to smile.

“As long as we still stop by the Healing Place once in a while,” Astrid said, grinning. “I missed us.”

She turned in the chair, and moved close to Diana, seeing her expression mirrored on her girlfriend’s face. “I love you,” Diana said.

Astrid kissed her, tangling her hands in Diana’s hair. She let Diana kiss her back, matching her fierceness ounce for ounce. It was the kiss that they’d wanted for months, and as hurried as it was, it was perfect.

They broke apart, breathing heavily. There were tears in both their eyes, streaking down their cheeks, maybe mixing together.

“So… are we back to dates every week? And calling each other when we’re lonely? Texting into the morning?” Astrid asked, looking at Diana with all the love in her heart.

“Yeah. Whatever you want, dear,” Diana replied, smiling at her girlfriend.

“Should we go in and talk to Sam and Quinn? I think they might want to catch up with you,” Astrid said, holding Diana’s hand in her lap.

“Of course,” Diana said. Hand in hand, they walked back into the restaurant.

The look on Sam and Quinn’s faces when they saw them was priceless. Quinn took several seconds connecting the dots until his face landed on an expression somewhere between confusion and understanding. Sam was befuddled, squinting at them as if somehow, they weren’t real.

Astrid pulled up a chair for Diana, and they sat down.

“Diana,” Sam said, like he wasn’t sure about it.

“Hi.” Diana said, sensing the awkwardness slowly engulfing their table.

“Didn’t you break up with Astrid?” Quinn asked, still trying to connect the dots.

“Yeah, she did,” Astrid said, “But I think we’re back together now, right, Diana?” She turned towards Diana, looking at her for confirmation.

“Uh-huh,” Diana said, very happy at this information.

“Ok…” Sam said. “When exactly did this happen?”

“Just now, actually. It’s kind of crazy.” The two girls laughed, sharing a look.

“Is Caine no longer an issue?” Quinn was still confused, while Sam appeared to have accepted their reunion as a fact of life.

Diana let out a short, brittle laugh. “Fuck him, he doesn’t get to determine who I date. I am in contact with several large, intimidating security guards who I have bonded with over talking about cute dogs and cute girls. I’m his employer. He should be afraid of me, not the other way around. Plus, he’s getting fired,” Diana said. It was so satisfying to say it out loud, that she didn’t give a rat’s ass about Caine.

Sam high-fived her. “You are a godsend. Can you send him across the country?”

“I have tried to get him reassigned to another city, but apparently some people in Perdido like hearing his voice on the radio,” Diana said, rolling her eyes. “But I am going to look into a restraining order, since I have plenty of evidence against him.”

“You deserve to stay away from that creep forever,” Astrid said, squeezing Diana’s hand.

“Totally,” Quinn agreed, finally understanding everything in the situation and kicking himself for not figuring it out earlier.

“I’m happy you guys are back together,” Sam said, piling up their dishes and silverware. “You’re a cute couple, and I’ll let you know if Caine is going to do something dumb. He is my brother, after all.”

“Thanks, Sam, but we shouldn’t need it too much. Once I fire him, there shouldn’t be much risk of him finding out and coming after any of us.” Diana looked down at her and Astrid’s entwined hands. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“So, talking about Diana and Astrid is great, but Diana has missed out on some great Astrid moments,” Quinn said, shit-eating grin ever-present on his face. “For instance, we went surfing today and—”

Astrid groaned, cutting him off, but let Quinn tell the story anyway. Diana laughed and smiled at Quinn’s dramatic retelling of the event, much to Astrid’s mortification. They stayed at the cafe for longer than the staff liked, Sam and Quinn catching Diana up on everything she’d missed in Astrid’s life.

Most, if not all, of the stories were hilarious, and even Astrid found herself laughing at the more embarrassing ones. She enjoyed Diana’s company, too, savored Diana’s warmth as she leaned her head on her shoulder.

The Moodboard:

I tried to do it in the colors/order of the bisexual flag, since I think that a fitting headcanon is that they’re both bi! Diana’s side is at left, Astrid’s at right.

The Sims:

Above are Astrid and Diana! I gave them both what I thought were “date outfits”.

I gave Diana a more “feminine” look, with a peach button-up tank and a white skirt with sneakers to match, while I gave Astrid long, black pants, a blue blouse, and black and white loafers.

The Ship: 

“Yeah. I mean, we already know each other. We could skip the getting-to-know-each-other part and get to the like, kissing. The fun stuff,” Quinn said, nodding.

“But like, not gay,” Sam said.

“No homo, obviously,” Quinn said. Then, hesitantly, but with the sureness of someone who has no idea what he’s actually doing, he closed the distance between him and Sam. Not entirely, but enough for the musty scent of the basement to be replaced by the intensely personal scent of each other.

“So, about the kissing thing,” Sam said, going a little cross eyed at Quinn so close to him.

“Yeah,” Quinn said, leaning forwards to touch his lips to Sam’s.

It was a terribly awkward first kiss, although neither were really counting it as a first kiss at that moment. At first, it was just their lips smushed together, with both of their eyes open. Eventually, though, they opened their mouths and moved onto a proper, if not sloppy, makeout session.

At least a few months passed, with many more clandestine rendezvous like the first, before Sam realized he was actually really enjoying the whole making-out-with-his-best-friend thing, which was definitely also a gay thing.

Well, shit, was his first thought. He was, undeniably, gay. And smack in the middle of a small, subtly homophobic town, where his highschool didn’t even have a like, gay club, and he and his buddies made anti-gay jokes on the regular. Also, feelings were beginning to develop. He wanted to take Quinn on dates. And hold his hand, and talk about their futures together, and watch movies together, and have sex, and support each together…

And maybe this wasn’t anything serious to Quinn and they would break up—was it even breaking up?—and Sam would be left alone as a closeted gay kid with nothing to do and a secret to hide.

Fortunately, about a week later, Quinn also realized that he was, in fact, developing actual feelings for Sam. His best friend slash...dare he say it? Boyfriend. He went through a similar thought process as Sam, and arrived at a different conclusion: Quinn didn’t want him and Sam to be whatever it was they were unless Sam knew.

And maybe, a little part of him hoped, felt the same way.

At this point, they were meeting places other than Sam’s basement. Like Quinn’s basement, and the shed where they kept their boards. Both had, separately, considered trying the closets at school during lunch and after school, but neither really wanted to make that move. It was too dangerous.

It was at the surf shed when Quinn brought it up. It was in between kisses when he actually remembered that he’d been meaning to bring it up.

“Sam, hey Sam, stop, hold on,” Quinn said, in between Sam trying to continue kissing him. “I think I might have feelings for you. Like, gay romantic feelings.”

Quinn had expected Sam to call off their meetings, or say “But we’re not gay so it’s not gay.” What he did not expect was for Sam to look down at the floor and say:

“Me too. Kind of. Like, I want to take you on actual dates and stuff. Hold your hand,” Sam said. Both of them looked down at their hands. Sam’s were at the back of Quinn’s neck, where he’d been pulling Quinn’s face towards him. Quinn’s were around Sam’s waist.

They were most decidedly not holding hands. “So, do you wanna be...boyfriends or something?” Quinn asked, “I know we used to think being gay was wrong and shit, but”-he squeezed Sam tighter, closer to him-“I’m reconsidering.”

“Yeah,” Sam said, “I think that would be cool. I actually looked some stuff about the LGBT community up online, and…I think it’s gonna be ok.”

And that was the beginning of Sam and Quinn, the origin story they’d told no one except each other for so long. With good reason, of course. They hadn’t had anyone to tell it to, and Sam was personally too embarrassed by the story to even bring it up in conversation.

***

“I can’t believe you actually told her,” Sam said to Quinn, glaring at him. “If I had my way, those memories would be wiped from my brain with bleach.”

Quinn nuzzled his nose against Sam’s. “But then you wouldn’t have me.”

Sam’s face cracked into a smile. “True, true. We’ve grown a lot since summer of sophomore year, and mostly for the better. And I love having you as my boyfriend, even if it’s just the two of us who know about it.” He leaned in to kiss Quinn, soft and slow.

Astrid waved her hand at their faces. “And me. Don’t forget that I also know about this thing. Also Caine. You guys have told people. You’re like, one foot out of the closet.”

“Hm, what were you saying?” Sam asked, pausing his kiss with Quinn. “I was too busy kissing my boyfriend, who I would die for.”

“As the kids say these days,” Astrid said, “We been knew.”

Sam and Quinn fully separated from each other. “Our movie’s in a little bit,” Quinn said, “Let’s go, we can be gay for as long as we want in the theater, where it’s dark.” He gave Sam a look that made Astrid feel like she was intruding on a private moment.

The movie was fun, an action movie that turned out to be more like a rom-com. Contrary to their behaviour before entering the theater, Sam and Quinn silently ate popcorn while watching the movie. Astrid sat next to them, with her own bowl of popcorn, and half-watched the movie.

Mostly, she thought about Sam and Quinn’s weird origin. After actually hearing it, Astrid understood why Sam didn’t want to talk about it. She could also see that Quinn was determined to move beyond that awkward beginning, and that moving on meant acknowledging and understanding what had got them there.

And at the end of the day, they were both grateful for hurried first kisses in a dark basement for bringing them together, and helping them realize who they were. It was a lesson Astrid needed at the time, because she needed to know that her and Diana could move past a rough patch, and even emerge stronger for it.

Of course, threats by a psychopath were a bit different than internalized homophobia and teenage embarrassment. Nevertheless, no matter how long it took before Caine was out of the picture, Astrid found herself confident that she and Diana could get back together. Diana hadn’t ended the relationship because there was no love between them, she’d ended it because there was too much.

Eventually, the movie went to credits, and the trio left the theater. “So,” Sam said, “did that cure you of your loneliness from Diana?”

“A little. I mean, I’m still sad, but at least I don’t share a body with my girlfriend, because it would be hard to break up in that situation,” she joked. “But I feel a little better about what could happen. Diana and I could very well get through this and come out stronger.”

“I hope you guys do,” Quinn said, “Because I actually kind of want to go on a proper gay double date with you guys. The last one was hella awkward.”

Astrid laughed. “Don’t you have other gay friends to go on double dates with? I know you guys are closeted, but you have to know some people.”

“Well, we do, but according to Quinn,” Sam said, “it’s only a proper gay double date if it’s one lesbian couple and one gay couple because that way it’s not a, uh, ‘hang with the guys.’” He gave his boyfriend a look, showing that he didn’t put much stock in Quinn’s rationalization of the idea.

“Look, whenever we double date with Edilio and Roger, it literally just feels like a hangout. We need ladies in the equation, Sam, otherwise we start making dick jokes,” Quinn said.

“Ok, but isn’t the point of a date with the two of us,” Sam said, leaning closer to Quinn, “is that there’s no ladies involved?”

“Get a room, you two. Also, Diana and I are bi. Dick jokes abound in our conversations,” Astrid said. Her expression immediately became more downcast after mentioning Diana. “As they would during a normal double date.”

“Sorry,” Quinn said. “I don’t know, I just wanted to get to know you and Diana better. Diana seems like a cool chick, and she’s objectively hot.”

“Yeah, she’s hot. What did you guys think of the movie?” Astrid asked, a little more quickly than necessary.