#goldenscorch

But what did she want? 

The question shouldn’t have been so perplexing but, for some reason, she couldn’t easily find the answer. She wanted Goldenstar, that much she knew, wanted things to stay the same between them. What she had was good, even when she was sinking into paranoia. And she wanted to stay friendly with Yarrowshade. He was her first friend in the Clan, the cat who understood her the most. She didn’t want to lose that. She didn’t want things to change between them. 

Or did she? She had been feeling drawn to him more and more, pushing down strange, affectionate impulses for a few weeks. Their strangeness lied in how completely non-sexual they had been. She was starting to come to terms with her reawakening libido even if she hadn’t been brave enough to actually indulge it yet, but she had no idea what to do with urges to snuggle and twine tails. With Goldenstar, they made sense, she was doing what her partner expected of the relationship, but to have the urge for someone else completely unprompted? It made no sense. She’d never experienced that kind of thing before. 

Interrupting her swirling thoughts, Goldenstar yawned and stretched out over her hind quarters before slumping down against her side again. Scorchplume turned to look at her and found her smiling back. 

“Morning,” croaked Goldenstar in a voice scratchy from sleep. 

“Morning,” hummed Scorchplume, one side of her lips twitching upward in a brief, half-hearted smile. 

“You okay?” asked Goldenstar, shifting into a more upright position, propped up on one elbow.

Scorchplume shrugged. “I guess so.”

“D’you wanna talk about last night?” 

“Not really.” She let her gaze drift back to the ceiling of the den and sighed. “I wish I could just go back and undo it all.”

“I’m sorry.” Goldenstar adjusted herself to face the other way so that Scorchplume’s head was framed perfectly between her forelegs. She gently traced one paw back and forth over the curve of Scorch’s shoulder as she said, “You really didn’t do anything wrong, though. You’re not gonna get in trouble for saying how you feel.” 

Scorch rolled her eyes shut. “I know that now,” she said, irritation with herself creeping into her voice, “It’s more that Yarrowshade’s gonna be all weird around me now and I don’t want to deal with it.” Not only that, but she was going to feel weird around him too.

“Ah…” Goldenstar frowned sympathetically. 

“Like, I can’t unsay that,” continued Scorch, eyes open. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, it just… slipped out.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” laughed Goldenstar, “you have a crush. That’s completely normal.”

Scorch growled in frustration and flicked her tail. Still, here in this quiet, tender moment, insisting that she had no feelings at all felt… harder than it had last night. “This is why I don’t do relationships,” she grumbled. “Things get too complicated. I get fenced in. It’s better to just… mess around with whoever, no strings attached.” 

“Well, if that’s what you really want, you can do that,” Goldenstar said. “What’s stopping you?”

“I-” Scorch sighed, no answer coming to mind. “I don’t know. Nothing works the same as it used to. I hate it.” She groaned and rolled over into a sitting position and Goldenstar wasted no time in grooming the side of her neck. She sighed into it, closing her eyes as she tried to let herself enjoy the pressure against her pelt. She took a slow, deep breath -- let it pull her back to the edge of sanity. 

“Change is scary,” Goldenstar said between strokes. “But I feel like things are better than they used to be, aren’t they? Relationships are a lot of work but they’re also really rewarding. Maybe you should try them.” Scorch twitched her tail. 

“As if I haven’t been trying since newleaf,” she scoffed. 

“And?” Goldenstar leaned around to look her in the face. There was a bit of a flirty glint in her eyes but she did seem genuinely open to hear the answer, whatever it was. 

“And I’m terrible at them!” Scorch groaned, shifting to look at her head-on. “I get cornered, I snap, I panic over the smallest things. It’s a nightmare.”

“But that’s not relationships,” Goldenstar shook her head, “that’s all the shit Razor did to you hanging around like burrs in your fur.” 

Scorch grimaced at his name and shook her head to look at the wall. “Well, Razor’s dead. I shouldn’t constantly feel like he’s haunting me.” 

“Why not?” shrugged Goldenstar, licking her cheek. “That stars-damned fox-heart hurt you bad. Wounds take time to heal, even if you can’t see them.” 

“Ugh,” groaned Scorch. “Stop being so understanding. Why can’t you just tell me to shut up and we’ll be done with it?” She flopped backwards against Goldenstar’s side and shut her eyes tightly. 

“Becaaause,” Goldenstar sing-songed, “I loooove you.” She nibbled at Scorch’s neck teasingly and Scorch couldn’t help but laugh and squirm. 

“Stop it!” she squealed, pushing Goldenstar away until she relented. 

Purring, Goldenstar rubbed her temple against Scorchplume’s and said, “It’s true though. I love you, Scorch. I want you to be happy. If that means you get with Yarrowshade too, then so be it.” She curled her tail around Scorch’s flank and pressed a short lick to her head. 

“You make me sick,” joked Scorchplume to avoid giving a real response. 

“Scooorch,” Goldenstar admonished, still teasing, but there was a serious undertone. She wasn’t getting out of this one. 

“Ugh,” she growled and sank her claws into the moss. “You’re insufferable, you know that?” She glared up at Goldenstar and found a very unimpressed expression waiting for her. “Fine. What do you want from me? Do I need to go jump Yarrowshade’s bones or something?”

“Is that what you want?” asked Goldenstar, raising one brow. 

“I don’t know!” Scorch cried, throwing her paws up helplessly. “I mean… no. Honestly, just thinking about it makes me sick.” She didn’t want to associate Yarrowshade with teeth in her scruff and oppressive heat bearing down from all sides. Even considering the possibility made her stomach flip and churn. 

“Okay, well then what do you want?” Goldenstar gently licked the top of her head to bring her back to herself and she sighed in relief. Despite all of the terror that came with being exposed like this, she realized that it was nice that Goldenstar could anticipate her needs like that, that she was willing to show up for her when she needed it. 

“This, I guess…” she shrugged. “This quiet, easy closeness we have.” 

“Then tell him that,” shrugged Goldenstar. “He’s not going to be mad or push you for more.”

“I know,” sighed Scorch, “it just feels so… stupid.”

“But it’s not,” purred Goldenstar, pressing little licks over her face. “It makes me really happy that you’re learning what you want and how to ask for it.”

“Really?” Scorch tried to find her eyes. “You really don’t mind at all that I’ve got… feelings for your best friend?”

“Nope,” Goldenstar chirped brightly. “Stars, it makes me really happy! Two of my favorite people are going to be even happier than before.”

“That’s crazy,” said Scorch, still unconvinced. “Nobody really feels that way.”

“I do,” shrugged Goldenstar. “It’s not like you’re leaving me for him. What is there to be sad about?” 

“I don’t know,” Scorch shook her head aimlessly. “Won’t you get jealous? Won’t he be jealous of you?”

Goldenstar laid her head overtop of Scorch’s and hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I can’t say what Yarrowshade may or may not feel, but no, I won’t be jealous. You and Yarrowshade spending time together doesn’t take anything away from me. It’ll be alright.”

Scorch sighed tiredly -- far too tiredly for having just woken up. 

“Just do what makes you happy,” said Goldenstar. “Let me know when you change your mind about things but don’t feel like you need my approval. You’re my partner, not something I own. I love you.” 

“I love you,” Scorch mumbled, and she meant it. After a long beat of just breathing and listening to Goldenstar breathe, she asked, “What should I say to Yarrowshade?”

“Tell him what you told me when we got together,” said Goldenstar. 

“That he’s too soft?” she cocked a brow skeptically. 

“No, no,” laughed Goldenstar, “lay out exactly what you want and what you don’t. He’ll do the same and if they line up then you’re good to go.” 

“That’s it?” Scorch scoffed in disbelief. “I just walk up and say, ‘listen up, dummy, I want to do cutesy garbage with you. What do you want?’”

“Sure,” shrugged Goldenstar. “Why not?” 

“‘Cause that’s weird?” 

“Eh, he’s a weirdo. He’ll understand.”

“Ugh,” Scorch groaned and put her paws over her eyes. This entire thing was a nightmare designed to torture her specifically.

“Come on,” Goldenstar chuckled, standing up so that Scorch slid off of her side and into the nest. “Let’s invite him to share breakfast.” Scorch groaned again but with Goldenstar up and about, staying and rotting in the nest was a great deal less enticing than before. 

“Fine,” she sighed, heaving herself to her feet and giving her fur a quick groom while Goldenstar stretched. Once she was done, Goldenstar twined their tails together and they padded out into the sun side by side. 

The early morning patrol had just returned and the freshkill pile was well stocked. Scorchplume realized suddenly just how hungry she was and quickly picked out a starling that smelled appetizing. Goldenstar grabbed a mouse and turned to survey the camp. 

“Wonder where he is,” she hummed. 

“Who?” asked Pantherhaze, sitting a short ways off and grooming between his toes. 

“Yarrowshade,” said Goldenstar. “Seen him?” 

“I think he’s still in the den,” said Pantherhaze. 

“Thanks,” Goldenstar smiled. Scorchplume took a slow deep breath to steady herself. Goldenstar looked at her and said, “I’ll go get him, you find us a spot, okay?”

“Sure,” Scorch flicked her tail, trying to lift herself up with confidence. She could do this. It wasn’t any different from negotiations. Still, her heart was thumping in her chest and her paws felt sweaty as she went to sit beneath the Stoneperch and wait. 

After a few moments, Goldenstar and Yarrowshade emerged from the warriors’ den and came to join her. Yarrowshade was smiling nervously and Scorch forced her own, tight-lipped smile. What did you say to him, Goldie? she wondered. 

“Hey,” she called, trying to sound normal, “How was the rest of the party?” 

“Fine, I guess,” Yarrowshade shrugged. “Mostly, Charredbranch complained my ear off because Greyvoice was flirting with Robinswoop but that’s not important.” He shook his head as he settled down across from her. “How are you feeling?”

Why did that have to be his first question? she nearly groaned. 

“Fine,” she said on instinct, then amended, “Better. Sleep helped.” 

“Yeah,” he nodded, “It’ll do that.” 

Scorch nodded in kind, then slid her starling towards him. “Here. I… I was thinking we could share.” 

“Oh, thanks,” Yarrowshade said as if he’d just noticed the food for the first time.

Goldenstar smiled and nestled down against her side to eat, there but not quite engaged in their conversation. It was clear that she wasn’t going to do this for Scorch. She took a deep breath and then forced the words out. 

“Look,” she said matter-of-factly, “the last thing I want is for things to be weird between us, alright?” 

“Yeah,” nodded Yarrowshade. “Agreed.” 

“Good,” she said, swallowing against the lump in her throat. “I’ve talked about it with Goldenstar and decided that…” she grasped for the words, “I am interested in… pursuing some kind of… arrangement.” 

“Okay,” he said, listening carefully. For now, the food between them sat untouched.

“It would be completely non-sexual,” she said firmly. “Strictly contained to things like nest-sharing and tail-twining. And there would be no labels.” 

“Okay,” he nodded. 

That word was starting to get on her nerves. “And that’s all. What do you think?” 

He nodded slowly a few more times, letting his eyes rove the middle distance between them. “I mean, yeah,” he said eventually, “That all sounds good to me. To be honest, though, I’m not sure that like… something without sex is gonna be enough for me?” 

Scorchplume’s chest tightened like her ribs and lungs were at war.

Thankfully, Yarrowshade continued, “But, like, I totally understand why you feel that way and I don’t want to pressure you or anything. I guess I just wanna make sure you’re cool with it if I end up seeing someone else as well.” 

“Of course,” she said, trying to stop her heart from beating out of her chest. “I’m seeing Goldenstar. It’s only fair.” 

“Okay,” Yarrowshade gave a sigh of relief, nodding once more. “Great.” Goldenstar gave Scorchplume’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze with one paw.

“And you’re not just saying that to appease me,” Scorch clarified, “you are actually interested in being more than a friend to me, yes?” 

“Yeah,” he assured her, brow furrowing seriously, “I mean, I haven’t really thought about you that way since we first met but it’s not a hard adjustment to make. You’re awesome, Scorch. Anybody would be lucky to be with you.”

“Damn right,” she said haughtily, finally feeling like the tension had started to ease. She pulled the starling close and took a bite, once again reminded that she was starving. She took another bite, let herself breathe out through her nose afterwards, and some of the tension started to drain from her body. 

Yarrowshade smiled and reached out to pull the starling back over to him but she sank her claws in and held it in place, making him frown in worry. 

“The bird is staying right here,” she said. “If you want to eat, you’ll have to move closer.” 

Goldenstar gave a purring laugh and said, “Get used to that, Yare. She’s a bossy one.”

“Oh, I know,” he chuckled. “That’s alright, though. I don’t mind being told what to do by a pretty lady.” He bounced his eyebrows at Scorch and she rolled her eyes. 

“Good, because I need you to shut up immediately,” she scoffed.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, scooting closer to lean against her side and eat. She swatted him in the face and shook her head. Goldenstar had finished her mouse and reclined across Scorch’s back half to sun herself as she and Yarrowshade ate. It was peaceful, being surrounded by the two of them. 

She’d gone to see StarClan, seeking guidance for what to do to help Songdust. The results had been inconclusive. Apparently no one knew where she was. Smokyrose, looking lovely with her starry coat and more energized than Goldenstar had seen her in a long time, had explained that she and several others had been looking nonstop to no success. Poppyblaze insisted she wasn’t dead but didn’t have any clue where she was either. Some cats were starting to give up on her. Goldenstar promised Smokyrose she wouldn’t be one of them but that still didn’t leave her with a good idea of what to do.

Thankfully, Mystique hadn’t been causing any trouble. At her request, Goldenstar had allowed her to start training cats in combat - under Russetfrond’s supervision of course. She wasn’t a great teacher but she was a good fighter and Goldenstar had watched Floodpaw drift from total distrust and contempt to secret admiration for the kittypet. He didn’t even get mad when he lost a duel, he just got back up and demanded to go again until he was better. Goldenstar was proud of him. It wouldn’t be long until he and his littermates were ready to be warriors. 

Before that, though, she was going to have to apprentice Slatekit and Fogkit. Poppybird was still coming by to check on them every so often, which Goldenstar was very grateful for. Thanks to her, Fogkit had come back out of her shell and was once again dragging her sister on adventures around the camp. Goldenstar had asked Poppybird what she thought about them, if they seemed to be leaning towards an apprenticeship as a healer or a mediator but Poppybird said they both seemed pretty eager to be warrior apprentices and so Goldenstar had started trying to pick out good mentors for them. 

She had been considering Ospreymask for Fogkit but according to Poppybird, Fogkit had disliked her ever since she delivered the news of Smokyrose’s death, which was a shame. Slatekit seemed to need someone who was going to be extremely supportive, and Goldenstar had a few cats in mind, but Fogkit was going to need someone who could handle her rambunctious spirit, especially given how much time she had been trying to spend with Floodpaw lately. Goldenstar was at least grateful that Floodpaw seemed to have warmed up to the idea of hanging out with her. She had seen him teaching her some of the tricks he’d learned from Mystique and while she thought he tended to play a bit too rough, Fogkit seemed to enjoy it and that was what mattered. 

Still, she wasn’t sure about a good mentor. She sat atop the Stoneperch, tail twitching, and puzzled over the different possible combinations. She was so deep in thought she didn’t notice Scorchplume had padded up beside her until she spoke.

“Busy?” asked Scorch with a slight tilt of her head. 

Goldenstar flinched and hurried to recover. “Huh? Oh, uh, no not really. What’s up?”

“I wanted to go out past the eastern border, take a look around,” Scorch said flatly. “I thought you might accompany me.” Goldenstar swallowed. She still hadn’t been able to persuade Scorch to stay and the dread of losing her again twisted in her gut like a pit of snakes. 

“Sure,” she smiled, hoping it was convincing. “Why not?” 

Scorch smiled in return. “Great. Let’s go.” 

Goldenstar stood and followed Scorch’s lead, feeling distant. She wished she could lean her head on Scorch’s shoulder and twine their tails as they walked, she ached for that closeness, but she still didn’t know where they stood. Scorch had been so reclusive since her return. She did her duties and then spent her time alone, like she didn’t want anything to do with anyone. Goldenstar wondered if she still resented her for the fight they had been having when she was taken. But then, out of the blue, she asked to go walking? Goldenstar was lost and confused. 

“I hope you’ve been doing alright,” she tried. Scorch glanced over at her. 

“I suppose so. As alright as you can be knowing an army could march on your home any day.” It may have been foolish, but Goldenstar brightened upon hearing Scorch call the Clan her home. That was a good sign. 

“Yeah,” she hummed. “It isn’t great. Have you been training with Mystique at all?”

Scorch scoffed. “No. I’d be satisfied if I never saw her again.” 

“Really?” Goldenstar asked. “I thought you two got along.” 

“As well as I get along with anyone,” Scorch huffed and Goldenstar frowned. “She’s nice enough but I want nothing to do with her. You wouldn’t understand.” She swished her beautiful tail as if to put an end to the conversation.

“Try me,” said Goldenstar. Scorch frowned at her and then sighed. 

“Fine. Razor basically made her my prison guard. I couldn’t go anywhere without her watching me. She’s not stupid. I know she saw through my happy-little-mate act but she never did anything to help me. I can’t forgive her for that.” Goldenstar listened, nodded to herself, and hummed thoughtfully. 

“I see…” she said. “That sucks. I’m really sorry, Scorch.” 

“What for?” Scorch snapped.

“That you had to go though that?” Goldenstar shrugged. “I’m not, like, guilty-sorry, just… sympathetic.” Scorch opened her mouth then hesitated. Her gaze flickered to the ground for a beat before she lifted her head confidently.

“Hm. I half expected a lecture about how I ought to forgive her.” 

“No, you totally don’t have to,” Goldenstar said. “It would be super unfair to say that.” 

“Hm,” Scorch said again. She focused on the path ahead of them again and Goldenstar squirmed in worry. Was she mad? 

“Uh, hey,” she said, hopping a step forward to catch up with Scorch’s strides, “I wanted to say, uh… I’m sorry. I never got to apologize for the fight we had.” She swallowed, the snakes in her gut twisting more violently. “It’s my fault you got caught. I’m really sorry that I was pushing you so much and that I didn’t get back in time.”

Scorch looked over at her, face nearly mournful, and said, “It’s fine. I knew you wouldn’t get back in time.” 

“Wait, what?” Goldenstar’s steps faltered for a second.

“The twolegs are always nearby when they use those traps,” said Scorch. “They got to me just after you left. I just didn’t want you to get caught too.” 

Goldenstar didn’t know how to feel. “Oh. Okay. Well, I’m sorry for the other stuff at least.” 

“It’s fine,” Scorch sighed again. “I was being stupid anyway. Can we just forget it? I hate it when you get all sorry and nervous.” That didn’t help to alleviate Goldenstar’s nerves. 

“Okay,” she said, catching up. “Whatever you want, Scorch.” 

“Ugh,” Scorch groaned. 

“Sorry,” Goldenstar laughed nervously, “I didn’t mean it like that. Just, like, ‘okay, sounds good.’” Scorch’s tail lashed a little. 

“You’re doing it again. You were doing this that day too! You keep doing that breathy little laugh and treading on eggshells like you’ve got no spine! What happened?” 

Goldenstar swallowed. She’d realized she was in love is what happened but she couldn’t just say that could she? What if Scorch balked and left? Well, she was already planning on leaving… Goldenstar chewed her lip for a second, gathered her courage, and took a leap of faith. 

“Well… Okay, this might sound weird, and don’t feel like you owe me any kind of response but, uh, that night you disappeared and came back late?”

“Yeah,” Scorch prompted. 

“Well, when you came back I realized that I uh…” This was the hard part. No turning back! she thought. “I realized I have, uh, feelings for you.” 

Scorch stopped walking. “Oh.” 

“Yeah,” Goldenstar laughed. “I’m sorry, I’m trying not to be weird, I just- I like you so much, I don’t want to ruin anything.” She shuffled her paws, not sure how to stand.

“Oh, please,” Scorch huffed. “If anything you’re ruining things by being so worried! Just be yourself, Goldie, that’s what I like.” That turned the snakes in her stomach to butterflies. 

“You- you do?” 

Scorch groaned loudly as she tilted her face skyward. “Yes, Goldie, I like you. Do I like you like that? I…” her exasperation softened and she looked away over her far shoulder. “I don’t know. I don’t really have room for that kind of thing in my life. Besides, I’m not interested in… in doing anything or-” 

“Oh, you don’t have to!” Goldenstar blurted. “I mean, if you did feel the same, I still wouldn’t expect anything like that or- or anything at all!” 

“Everyone has expectations,” Scorch glared. 

“O-okay,” Goldenstar laughed. “Fair, but I mean like… If you didn’t want to do something I wouldn’t pressure you to. I mostly just want to like… twine tails and share a nest and stuff like that…” It wasn’t like she would say no to something more… exciting, but she had always cared more about the person than any one part of a relationship. That was part of the reason she’d gone her whole life without any kind of serious partner, it just hadn’t been important enough for her to compromise on the ‘who’ in order to get the ‘what’. 

Scorch was still, her expression nigh unreadable but definitely skeptical. Goldenstar wanted to squirm but she forced herself to breathe slowly and calmly. She waited for Scorch to speak and tried to look as open as possible. 

“Let me get this straight,” said Scorch slowly. “The only thing you want… is to do cutesy garbage together?” 

Goldenstar blushed. “I guess you could say that, yeah,” she laughed. “I’d be open to other stuff but I’d be totally satisfied if that was all. But like, you can also say no, I totally understand.” Scorch sized her up for another moment.

“Alright,” Scorch said, turning to face Goldenstar directly and unfurling her tail up above her back, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try so here are my conditions.” Goldenstar gulped and nodded, standing equally straight. “One: I refuse to use any kind of labels and definitely no sappy pet names like sweetie or anything, got it?” 

Goldenstar nodded again, “Got it.” She couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Two:” Scorch continued, tail starting to swish. “There will be absolutely no sexual advances of any kind.” 

“Of course,” Goldenstar said immediately.

“Three: This is a temporary arrangement. When I leave, that’s that, assuming you’re still determined to stay here despite my warnings.” 

Goldenstar pursed her lips. “Alright,” she said, hesitantly. “I still think you should stay, but, like, obviously you can end this… arrangement, I guess, whenever you want.” She thought but didn’t say, Even if I’ll probably die. 

“Good,” Scorch said firmly. She shifted slightly, like a bird ruffling its feathers, and let out a small breath. “‘Cause I’m not staying. I’m not letting Razor get another chance to take me back there.” She turned and started walking towards the border again. Goldenstar followed, feeling bright and bubbly and lonesome at the same time. 

“I understand,” she said sadly. “Is there anything I could do to change your mind?” 

Scorch hummed in thought. “If Razor were dead then we could talk.”

“Okay,” Goldenstar’s mind was turning. “How would we do that?”

“I don’t know,” Scorch said, “That’s why I’m leaving.” 

Goldenstar sighed, ears drooping. Scorch looked over and, after a beat of hesitation, wound her tail around Goldenstar’s. The action sent affection flooding through Goldenstar’s body and she leaned in to rest her head on Scorch’s shoulder, a small purr rumbling in her chest. Scorch stiffened slightly but eased into the gesture. Goldenstar’s heart soared. 

“We’ll think of something,” she said. “I’m gonna do everything I can to keep people safe. I’m not giving up yet.” 

“It’s not giving up to run away,” said Scorch. “It’s just a different strategy.” 

“I guess,” Goldenstar hummed. “It’s just that these territories, this land, it has a lot of significance and meaning to us. It’s just as much a part of the Clan as any member. I don’t want to lose that.” 

“Better than losing your lives,” said Scorch.

“I know,” said Goldenstar, taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes and let Scorch lead her along. “If it comes to it, I will leave if we have to. But I wanna try a few other things first.” 

“Well, it will be good to take a look at what’s beyond the border in any case,” said Scorch. 

“Yeah, I agree,” said Goldenstar. She opened her eyes and looked up at Scorch’s perfect blue ones and smiled. At least for now, she could imagine that this was a romantic little adventure to some place new. 

Scorch raised an eyebrow at her. “Goldie, are you going to stare at me like that all the time now?” 

“Maybe,” Goldenstar laughed. “Is it bad?”

“No, you just look ridiculous,” said Scorch, a touch of a humorous smile on her face. 

“What can I say,” Goldenstar sighed dramatically, “I’m ridiculously in love with you.” 

“No,” Scorch said, suddenly detaching herself from their little embrace, fast enough to make Goldenstar stumble. “No you aren’t.”

“Aww, is that not allowed?” she pouted playfully even though her heart sank.

“Yep,” said Scorch, “Rule Four: We are not using that word.” 

Goldenstar thought it sounded like Scorch might be joking but she couldn’t tell and she didn’t want to push so she just sighed and said, “Alright… Can I at least say I think you’re beautiful?”

“Hmm,” Scorch glanced over her shoulder. “Yes. Do that.” She smirked and swished her tail - definitely playing. 

“Scorchplume,” Goldenstar purred sweetly, “you are intensely beautiful. Seriously, your eyes, your fur, your voice, all of it. You take my breath away.” 

Scorchplume rolled her eyes. “You’re too soft, Goldie.” 

“If adoring every bit of you is soft then that’s fine with me,” said Goldenstar moving back in to twine tails with her. Scorch made a noncommittal noise and fell silent. Goldenstar was happy to just enjoy her presence. 

They made their way to the border then out past the territories into the wider prairie. Here, wildflowers grew in thick patches and the grass was sparser and dryer. They found a short, wide little tree and scaled it to get a look at the surrounding area. 

“Looks like a desert out there,” Scorch hummed. Goldenstar chewed her lip in thought. She’d heard old stories about deserts before but the concept still seemed alien to her, like a mystical land of suffering designed to try the cats who dared to wander across it. 

“There’s bound to be coyotes out there,” she said, mostly to herself. “Not somewhere I would want to raise kits.” 

“It’s not ideal for me either,” said Scorch. “But surely there’s something past it.”

“Maybe,” Goldenstar shrugged. “You could ask Oddstripe. He came from out this way, remember?”

“That’s right,” Scorchplume muttered under her breath. There was a storm of thoughts behind her eyes. Goldenstar pictured it rolling out across the desert and pouring much needed rain on the scraggly wildflowers and parched earth. She imagined letting that rain soak her to the skin and thought that she wouldn’t mind at all. 

Scorch leapt down to the ground and started back towards the territories. “Maybe I’ll have to see about the lake over the mountains then,” she said. 

“Or,” suggested Goldenstar, leaping down beside her, “you could stay and help us figure out how to beat Razor.” 

“No, I don’t think so,” said Scorchplume curtly. 

“Hear me out,” Goldenstar said, her own thoughts coalescing into rain clouds. She thought back to what Scorch had taught her about speechcraft and came up with a plan. “You hate him more than anyone and with good reason. On your own, there’s nothing you can do to stop him but I have a whole Clan, several Clans even, full of warriors who would gladly sink their claws into him.” Scorch hummed, unconvinced, and Goldenstar quickly continued. “You’re incredibly smart and you have first hand experience with his operation. You could teach us the best way to beat him and then we would do it. You wouldn’t even have to get close to him. Just tell us what to do and we’ll take all the risk ourselves. You’d be saving countless cats and securing your own safety all in one go.” 

“You make a compelling argument,” Scorchplume said slowly. Her eyes were narrowed, calculating. Goldenstar held her breath and tried to maintain her casual facade. This was probably the highest stakes conversation she’d had in weeks and she wasn’t about to ruin it by looking too desperate.

Scorch stewed for a few moments then said, “Alright fine. We can give it a try.” 

“Yes!” Goldenstar cried, butting her head joyously into Scorch’s side. So much for not looking desperate. “Thank you, Scorch!” 

“Don’t thank me too much,” Scorch said. “I might have an idea but it involves using you as bait.” 

Goldenstar smiled, ears perking. “Ooh, tell me.”

“Don’t look so excited,” Scorch huffed poutily. 

“Sorry, I’m just- I am excited. I can’t wait for all of this to be over with so you and I can just be happy together.” 

Scorch’s throat labored as she watched Goldenstar’s face. “Yeah… Me too, I guess.” Goldenstar rammed her with another loving headbutt. That was plenty for her. Visions of a bright and happy future were starting to form in her mind's eye, one where she and Scorch lived in RisingClan together for the rest of their lives, where Scorchplume felt happy and safe and knew just how much Goldenstar loved her. To her, there was no greater thought in the world.

Yarrowshade paced back and forth along the stone atop the Warriors’ den, chewing his lip as he did. Nightfrost sat nearby, looking as composed as ever except for her eyes, which darted from cat to cat and then out to the grass again with an anxious energy. Branchbark was sitting with Ospreymask in the middle of the clearing, talking in hushed tones. Russetfrond sat near the base of the Stoneperch, tail twitching. 

“Will you stop pacing?” he snapped eventually, glaring at Yarrowshade. “You’re going to wake everyone.” Yarrowshade stopped briefly to glare at Russetfrond then started again, seemingly out of spite. Nightfrost sighed tiredly.

“Why did you even let her out of your sight?” Russetfrond continued.

“Because she wanted to be alone!” Yarrowshade snapped back, bristling. 

“Oh! Of course!” Russetfrond rolled his eyes sarcastically. “That makes total sense!” 

“Yeah!” Yarrowshade cried in exasperation, stopping again, “It does! She was clearly going through something and so I gave her some space! Not everyone solves their problems by force.” 

“You’re so right, Yarrowshade,” Russetfrond said, “Some people let their problems do whatever they want.” Yarrowshade growled, back arching aggressively. Goldenstar sucked in her breath and stood up but Nightfrost beat her to it.

“Stop it, both of you,” said the deputy. “You’re acting like kittens.” Russetfrond lashed his tail and looked away while Yarrowshade wilted and resumed his pacing. 

“What if she just doesn’t come back?” Branchbark asked. 

“Then she doesn’t come back and we go back to life as normal,” Nightfrost said. Goldenstar felt sick. She sat down again and curled her tail over her paws and tried to breathe again. She made eye contact with Russetfrond who was scowling at her from below. She couldn’t hold his gaze, like a coward, and looked away at the grassy fields again. 

She didn’t know what to do. There was just too much she couldn’t control about the situation. She didn’t know what she would do if Scorch never came back and she definitely didn’t know what she would do if she did. The news Scrap had brought was troubling to say the least. It made her stomach churn. She almost wanted to run to the River of the Stars and ask Sunstar for help but she knew that wasn’t a solution. She had to learn to run her own Clan. She just wished she had thought about asking for advice when Sunstar was alive. 

“Where would she even go?” Ospreymask asked. “It doesn’t seem like she would go back to the city and it's not like any of the other Clans would take her.” 

“Who knows,” Russetfrond grumbled, “but wherever she is, she’s up to no good.” Yarrowshade gave a warning growl and Goldenstar felt the need to speak up before things got heated again. 

“Listen,” she said, squaring her shoulders, “When Scorchplume comes home I’ll talk with her about what happened and make a decision from there. It’s possible Scorch is just as much of a victim as Scrap is and I’m not going to assume that she’s done something terrible just because she acted strangely.” 

“But you’ll assume she’s completely innocent?” Russetfrond scoffed. 

“I didn’t say that,” she protested, but he barreled onward. 

“You’re too soft on her, Goldie. Scorch is a threat-” Yarrowshade growled again and Russetfrond amended, “a potential threat. You can’t keep ignoring it just because you have the hots for her.” 

Goldenstar sputtered in response. “I- b- w- excuse me?” What was he talking about?!

“Yeah, it's kind of obvious,” Ospreymask grinned. “You’re like… extremely into her.” 

“I- That’s not-” She huffed sharply through her nose and straightened again. “I have not been ignoring any kind of threat! She isn’t dangerous, she’s scared.” 

“Okay, sure, you tell yourself that,” Russetfrond laughed harshly. Goldenstar’s cheeks were burning. She couldn’t believe what was happening right now. 

Branchbark shifted uncomfortably and asked, “Can Nightfrost at least sit in on the conversation? As a neutral party?” Goldenstar’s eyes found Nightfrost who looked at her paws. She sighed, reminded that she had to make more of an effort to include her deputy in her decisions. 

“Yes, of course. Nightfrost and I will figure out what’s going on and come up with a plan. Does that sound alright with everyone?” The assembled cats voiced their approval, although Russetfrond simply grunted. Still, it sounded like an affirmative grunt if she had to guess. “Alright then. Good.” Settling down into a loaf, she huffed quietly. 

She couldn’t believe the others. It was infuriating how little they understood about Scorchplume. All these rumors about her being a demon, secretly planning to take over the Clan, seducing Yarrowshade or apparently her. Ridiculous! It drove her crazy that her Clanmates had such little empathy for a cat who was so clearly terrified out of her mind and insanely lonely. None of them knew Scorch like she did. She sighed. She would just have to show them. 

The night crept on for an unbearable amount of time. Yarrowshade stopped his pacing to sit beside Nightfrost, the two of them talking quietly. Eventually Branchbark and Ospreymask turned in for the night and even Russetfrond went to bed in preparation for the dawn patrol tomorrow. Beside Nightfrost, Yarrowshade fell asleep. Nightfrost made eye contact with her and Goldenstar smiled tightly back. 

The grass rustled gently and Goldenstar sat bolt upright. Scorchplume slank carefully out of the fields, pausing when she realized she was being watched. Relief flooded through Goldenstar followed immediately by the heavy realization that the others were right about her. Foxdung.

“Scorch,” she managed. 

The ginger cat dipped her head demurely and said, “I hope you didn’t wait up on my account.” She was wearing her mask, Goldenstar realized. The careful smoothness of her voice gave her away, the way she said each word as if asking for permission. It tugged at Goldenstar’s heart. 

“We need to talk to you,” Nightfrost said. 

“What about?” Scorch asked as if she didn’t know. 

“Why don’t we step into Goldenstar’s den,” Nightfrost said, standing.

Goldenstar noticed Scorch shift tensely and said, “Or we can talk up here. Wherever you’re most comfortable.” Nightfrost’s ear twitched. 

“Your den is fine,” purred Scorchplume. She strode towards the den and as Nightfrost moved to accompany her, Yarrowshade woke with a sudden intake of breath. 

“Scorch!” he said, sitting up. 

“Later, Yarrowshade,” Nightfrost said. Goldenstar watched as Scorch pointedly looked away from him and slipped into the den, saw how Yarrowshade’s ears flattened sadly. Leaping down from the Stoneperch, she flashed him a sympathetic smile and then followed Nightfrost inside. 

Scorch waited for Goldenstar and Nightfrost to sit down before she lightly sat back on her haunches and asked, “Am I in trouble?”

“No,” Goldenstar said immediately.

“Not yet, anyway,” said Nightfrost, “That’s what we’re here to decide.” Goldenstar frowned. They needed to be careful in how they went about this. If they put Scorchplume on the defensive, she would close herself off which was exactly the opposite of what they needed right now. 

“What did the city cat tell you?” Scorch asked guardedly. 

Nightfrost said, “She told us about Razor and how you were close with him, and that he wanted to kill her for her brother’s crime. According to her, if she wanted to keep this murderer happy, she did what you said.” 

“Nightfrost,” Goldenstar said firmly, “we’re here to get Scorchplume’s side of the story, not interrogate her.” Nightfrost looked at her with a complicated expression, one that struck Goldenstar as sympathy mixed with frustration. The deputy set her jaw stubbornly but nodded in apology. Scorch continued to sit quietly and Goldenstar could tell her thoughts were racing behind her gorgeous blue eyes. 

Ugh! When did I start thinking about them like that? she thought. Russetfrond was never going to let her hear the end of this.

Sighing through her nose to let go of some of her frustration, Goldenstar said, “My goal for this conversation is to let you tell your side of things and then to decide what should be done if these cats are as dangerous as you say they are.” 

“They are,” Scorch said, shifting forward. “Razor especially.” 

“Who is he?” Nightfrost asked, her ears perked with curiosity. Goldenstar nodded. That was her question as well. 

Scorch huffed softly. “He’s a tyrant and a bastard. He basically rules the city cats, he and Portia.” 

“Portia?” Goldenstar tilted her head. 

“Mm. Let me see if I can explain this simply,” Scorch said, tail swishing. “In the city, the two-legs are the supreme authority. The city is their territory and they decide what cats are allowed to stay and what cats get taken away. They control most of the food, or at least the easily accessible food, and if you want it you play nice with them. Their, uh… monsters, I think you call them?” Goldenstar nodded and Scorch continued. “Their monsters control the streets- er, thunderpaths - and you have to learn to pay them respect or you’ll be killed.” 

Goldenstar stared dumbly. What a terrifying place! She couldn’t believe so many cats managed to live there. Scorch hadn’t even mentioned Razor yet and the city already sounded like a waking nightmare. 

Scorch continued, “Now, Razor claims to be the two-leg’s chosen mouthpiece. He calls himself the Speaker and insists that everything he says is the will of the two-legs.” Scorch lifted her head and put on an airy, noble sounding voice as she said, “He and his cohort are the blessed and the worthy and to earn their favor is to earn the favor of the housefolk.” She scoffed, dropping the act. “Anyway, Portia is his right paw. They call her the Interpreter. She supposedly translates the housefolk’s will so that Razor can enforce it, but Razor is the one in charge.” 

“Like a Leader and a Healer,” Goldenstar said as understanding dawned on her. No wonder Scorch had been so nervous about Clan life and StarClan and everything. 

“Exactly,” Scorch said, and Goldenstar almost thought she heard a tightness in Scorch’s throat as she said it. “And if we want to use that metaphor, then Ghost is his Deputy.” That made Goldenstar’s stomach twist. “Razor is in charge but Ghost handles the day to day and makes sure the street cats are in line. He doesn't delight in punishment as much as Razor does but he metes it out regardless.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us before?” Goldenstar asked, baffled. “Smokyrose deserves to know.” 

“Does she?” Scorchplume asked, posture suddenly guarded. “As I saw it, all she needed to know was he wasn’t coming back. Anything more than that seemed cruel.” 

“I suppose…” Goldenstar frowned. She hadn’t considered it that way. She wondered how Smokyrose would take the news that her mate was a brutal enforcer. 

“But why didn’t you tell us about Razor?” Nightfrost pressed. “And you still haven’t explained your own involvement with him.” 

Scorch pursed her lips and looked away. For a moment, Goldenstar thought she was going to simply refuse to answer, but after a long moment she sighed through her nose and said, “Razor… wants me.” She swallowed thickly, still staring at the wall as her eyes fogged over with some kind of emotion. “While I was technically below Ghost in the pecking order, I got… special privileges so long as I played along. I got first choice of food, I got the best sleeping spots. Cats left me alone because if they didn’t and it got back to Razor… Well, they left me alone.” 

Goldenstar was overwhelmed with the urge to wrap herself around Scorchplume, to drown out any thoughts of Razor with the sound of her purring, but she didn’t. She had to stay professional, impartial. Or, at least she had to pretend she was trying. 

“So you got cats killed?” Nightfrost asked darkly. 

Scorch turned her gaze to meet the deputy’s, eyes narrowed to slits. “I did what I had to do to survive, Nightfrost. Don’t pretend you Clan cats don’t kill for your own survival.” 

“That’s different,” Nightfrost said, “An honorable warrior does not need to kill other cats to win her battles.” 

“But still, you kill,” Scorch growled disdainfully. “Say what you want about me but I’ve never lifted a claw against another cat.” 

“No, you just stand by while others kill on your behalf.” 

“Nightfrost,” Goldenstar cut in, “it sounds like Scorch didn’t have a choice. What was she supposed to do, stand up to Razor herself? How would that have ended for her?” 

“Precisely,” Scorch said, trying to hide a smirk. “The world is not as simple as you make it out to be.” 

Nightfrost’s tail lashed once. “I’ll concede that point.” She looked to Goldenstar and asked, “So what do we do if this Razor comes looking for Scrap?” 

“We’ll have to stand and fight,” Goldenstar said. 

Scorch’s tail bristled. “You can’t. The city has more cats than your Clans, cats willing to die for Razor. You’ll be slaughtered.” 

“Then what do you think we should do?” Nightfrost asked. 

“We send this Scrap back to the city to face her fate.”

“Absolutely not,” Nightfrost growled. 

“We’re not going to abandon her to Razor’s vengeance,” Goldenstar shook her head, “just like we wouldn’t abandon you either.” 

Scorch made a frustrated noise in her throat. “Then we need to leave,” she said, tail starting to lash. “When he finds out there is food out here, when he learns there are cats he doesn’t rule - cats harboring fugitives - he will come and he will make this place his own. Our only chance is to leave before he arrives, to make sure we’re far enough away that pursuing us is no longer worth the effort!” 

“No,” Goldenstar shook her head. “I’ve told you before why we can’t just leave.” 

“But you don’t understand!” Scorch cried, starting to sound desperate. 

“No, I guess I don’t,” Goldenstar said, “But I have faith that we can hold our own against Razor, especially if we get the other Clans to come to our aid.” 

“Faith,” Scorch laughed derisively, shaking her head. “Faith will be a cold comfort when we’re all dead.” 

Goldenstar sighed. “If it gets that serious, then we’ll reconsider, but we have to at least try and stand our ground. That’s what warriors do.” 

“I’ll make sure to schedule extra patrols on the southern border,” Nightfrost said. “We won’t be unprepared.” Goldenstar smiled, relieved that she had such an intelligent and capable cat at her side. 

“Thank you,” she said. “I’ll bring it up at the next Gathering. For now, let’s get some sleep. We can discuss the details in the morning.” 

“Agreed,” Nightfrost said tiredly. “Goodnight, Goldenstar.” Standing, the large blue she-cat passed Scorch and headed out of the den. Outside, Goldenstar could hear her talking with Yarrowshade. In front of her, Scorch grit her teeth in frustration. 

“Goldenstar,” she said softly, standing to step closer, “please, you have to listen to me. If you go up against Razor, you will lose.” 

Goldenstar stood to bump her forehead against Scorch’s. “I know you’re scared, Scorch, but I promise I’m not being foolhardy. This is the kind of thing I’ve trained my whole life to do. Do you think you can trust me to know my own ability?” Her voice was gentle, soft. It wasn’t a challenge, but a genuine question. Stars, how she wanted Scorch to trust her, to feel safe in her care. Scorch closed her eyes and sighed, sounding on the verge of tears. 

“Fine,” she said. “I just…” and she paused for a heart-skipping moment. Goldenstar waited eagerly for the rest of the sentence. “I hope you know what you’re doing.” That was disappointing. What had she been expecting? ‘I just worry about you’? With a reassuring purr, Goldenstar pressed her head more firmly against Scorch’s.

“I’m looking out for my favorite subject,” she said softly. They stood there for a moment longer before Scorch pulled away. 

“Ugh,” she muttered, looking over her shoulder. “I’m not looking forward to going back to the Warriors’ den.” Goldenstar winced sympathetically. She imagined Russetfrond was going to want an explanation and knew that he probably wouldn’t be very patient about it. And Scrap was in there, she remembered. 

“Stay here,” she said without thinking.

“Sorry?” Scorch blinked, looking over at her in surprise. 

Goldenstar’s cheeks flushed with heat. “I’ll go sleep in the Warriors’ den tonight,” she said quickly. “You can stay here for the night.” 

“Oh,” Scorch nodded, seeming to relax a little. Still, she shifted with apprehension. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” Goldenstar nodded, committing to the idea. “I get lonely in here anyway. Get some rest, Scorch.” 

“Alright,” nodded Scorch. Brushing past Goldenstar to approach the nest, she added, “Thank you, your excellence.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Goldenstar grinned, giving her one last head bump before she left the den and headed across the camp. Despite her fatigue, she was buzzing with energy. Settling down in Scorch’s empty nest, she wondered if she would be able to sleep at all. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on emptying her mind but, as usual, that only made her more conscious of her thoughts. She had more she wanted to say. She had so much to process. She didn’t feel like she had done enough.