#god narinder

It was the worst pain imaginable.

They've died hundreds to thousands of times, but the agonizing feeling of power draining from your body?

The pain of bones snapping and bending in unnatural proportions? The feeling of burning as your life blood drips from every orifice in your body, draining not only power you’ve held for 50+ years, but your very essence?

They feel hollow. They feel pain. They feel everything they haven't felt in near fifty decades: hunger, exhaustion, agony, anguish.

Their mind clears without the cursed energy of the Red Crown clouding their mind.

Memories and feelings come flooding back. It had been so long since Maveth could remember the faces of their family; and the thought of possibly seeing them again has them in tears.

And suddenly, the pain is gone, pushed into the back of their mind as tears mix with blood, and a smile creeps onto their shaky lips, still floating in the air, wanting nothing more than to reach out and hug the soft visage of a mother and sister they hadn’t seen in forever.

They can remember their names. The way they sound. The soft feel of their mother’s arms around them, the feel of her wool, the feel of their sister’s hands as they were trying to teach them how to sign as a child.

Briefly, they thought of Haantre, the father figure theyd grown to love, and Baz, socially inept and loving, and even the damned Goat that would pop through every once in awhile. Would they get to see them again? Would they be alright if they didn’t come back?

And then they were falling back down. Fear crept into their broken and aching bones before nothing. Nothing except darkness and the soft sounds of a bell ringing out against the dark abyss behind closed eyelids.

Time slowed to a near stop and Maveth could finally move, their back resting gently against the soft rolling sands of the -

Wherever they were. This wasn’t the Gateway anymore.

There is no God. There are no chains. Just the soft cloudy white mist and gentle hum of music. Their wool was clean, brushed, even, along with their ritual fleece - the simple red and white one they’d been given at the very start of their journey. It’s what they chose to wear that specific day, instead of their normal shawl and cloak.

A hand raised to their throat, the soft skin and fur no longer having that dull ache they’d grown accustomed to. Their mouth opened, and Maveth made a quiet, testing noise before a grin broke out on their lips.

“I can speak,” they said, quiet, but clear. The rasp they’d carried no longer present.

The Lamb hadn’t noticed the missing bell on their horn. Just the one that jingled against their collar as they jumped around excitedly, feeling light and weightless. They laughed and sang and cried out joyously, kicking at the white sands beneath their hooves, eyes glisteningly wet with happy tears.

They stopped abruptly, ears lifting as a sound came from further away. A singsong voice, one they knew well. It only took a moment in time before the sheep took off, a hand reaching up to unclasp the fleece they wore, the fabric flying away behind them, billowing in the wind, clothed in nothing but the wool they were born in, their collar and bell, and a piece of blue ratted fabric wrapped around a single horn.

Arms outstretched, Maveth ran right into the misty looking form of their mother, a large dark standing sheep with valleys of thick wool covering her body, sticking out from the holes in sleeves and the collar of a never ending white dress.

She looked as beautiful as the day Maveth had lost her.

Arms encircling one another, Maveth sobbing into her chest, the smaller Lamb feeling like a young child once again being comforted by their parent. They didn’t feel sad or angry or anything other than gentle affection. Longing. Love.

“Oh, Maven, look at how you’ve grown,” the sheep said quietly, lifting her child’s face between her fingers. She wiped away tears and smiled gently before turning her head to the side and making a pointed nod.

Maveth followed her gaze, brows knitting upwards, snot and tears running down their face, before reaching out and tugging the other sheep in close, their hand digging in against the soft downy wool of their older sister.

No more aching. No more pain.

This was all they had wanted for so long. To touch and be with their family. To love and be loved. To stay by His side. To-

His?

Oh, yes. His.

A look of knowing crossed their mother’s face, and she smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to Maveth’s forehead. “Cherin and I be waiting for you,” she said softly, fingers brushing back wayward bangs from their eyes. They looked to their sister, who was signing to them. ‘We love you.’

And then hands meshed through their figures, and Maveth cried out, reaching through their bodies to try and take them back. To hold them one last time.

“No - no! I’m not ready, please-“ they cried, eyes wide and fearful. “Please, mama, Cher, no-“

Suddenly, they were pulled back through the sands, unknown claws grasping under their arms as the Lamb screamed, thrashing against the immovable force.

They were lifted up higher until they hit the highest clouds and -

Maveth sat up in Death’s arms, the God now small, but still large compared to themselves. His gaze was intense but warm as he watched them wake once more, a hand moving away from their face.

Screaming, crying. They clutched at their fleece, sucking in trembling breaths, mouth open and drooling down their chin. They could remember everything. Every death. Every life. They couldn’t feel it now, but the echoes of lifetimes of aches were etched into their mind.

They remembered their mother and Cherin. It had been so long since they remembered their names or the sounds of their voice.

Panic rose in their chest and quickly, they hunched over, dry heaving into the sands, nothing but spit and saliva leaving their empty stomach.

And, oh Gods - the hunger. They’d never felt a hunger like this. Even before vesselhood, they’d lived on a farm.

Their mortal body was weak now. Hollow from power, but filled with memory. Maveth didn’t know which they’d preferred.

“Breathe,” a voice came from behind them, a hand resting to their back. It was familiar. Of course it was.

Maveth turned to look over their shoulder to their God, their body trembling. Eyes widen before softening once more, they hiccuped and turned to bow, their forehead in the sands before Him.

They wanted to throw hands with Him for bringing them back. Even though it was what they had asked for. Begged for, even.

Gently, a soft hand brushed through their wool, a pleased noise coming from the black cat. From Death. From Narinder, from their God.

Three red eyes pierced through them. The Red Crown settled easily upon his head, the pupil staring directly to the lamb.