#go run

today in therapy I was talking about my chronic illness and how for months this summer (the best summer of my life so far) I was completely symptom free and doing amazing and then in fall I caught covid and for months my symptoms have been so bad that I've had to take a gap year off school. Anyways I've just recently begun to process this trauma - because it truly was the most traumatic experience I've ever had in my life - and I was talking about how terrifying it is to work to get better because now I know how terrible it is to have it all taken from me again. And obviously this isn't a direct quote but basically my therapist asked me if I would have avoided doing everything I did this summer if I had known I might end up where I am right now. My answer was absolutely not. And she said that even if I fall in a hole and have to claw myself out of that hole only to walk a hundred feet and fall in another hole, those hundred feet may be amazing and beautiful and for those hundred feet I'm going to appreciate the good in life so much more than anyone who has never been in my position. And to some people that may not be very helpful but for me it completely changed my perspective because I was so focused on the hole I'm currently in and worried about the possible hole that I may fall in to next I've been completely ignoring the possibility that however many feet that are in between me and that next hole may be absolutely beautiful, and that has to be worth getting better for