#gnight loves

“Loving him ain’t easy. I picked the hardest person to love. But at the end of the day, I still choose him. Over and over again,” the first page of her diary says, her neat handwriting covering the entire page with blue ink.

“Its incredibly challenging when you have to compete with everyone and everything for his time and attention. Its hard when there are thousands of people who adore him and you’re just a speck of dust carried by the wind. Its hard. It really is. But let me tell you, its worth it,” I can already imagine her smile while writing this, and it breaks my heart to know that she felt the need to fight for my attention. She doesn’t need that. She’ll always be my top priority.

“It really is worth it. The hour he spared in between meetings to bring me to lunch is worth it. The 45 minutes facetime calls when he’s thousands of miles away is worth it. The thumping beat of your heart when you finally get to see him is worth it. The goosebumps when his arm touches mine is worth it,” I took a deep breath to prevent myself from shedding a tear.

“I’ll lie to you if I say that things were never tough - if I never thought about what life would be without him. I have. I have thought about that a lot, actually. But the thing is, I can never envision a life without him. Whenever I try to think of my future without him, everything becomes a blur,” damn her and her poetic writing abilities. I know I shouldn’t peek into her personal diary, but once I saw it on her lap while she was sleeping, I couldn’t help myself.

I kept reading and reading — until her last words had me.

“Because everytime I think of my future, all I see is him. He is my today, my tomorrow, and my forever more. He is my future,”

You’re mine too, baby. You have been since the first time I laid my eyes on you.