#gingxjas

After the disaster of your first heat post-Caleb, you put yourselves on medically prescribed suppressants. It was meant to be a temporary solution as you worked through your grief, but you became addicted to the convenience. You would never admit it, but you were unwilling to put in the same effort as Caleb did.

The day after you were assigned as an omega in high school, you found a textbook on Caleb’s desk: Internal Physiology on Omegas. It was highlighted and annotated so incessantly that Caleb's notes bled through the pages. When he'd come home during his college breaks, he’d have more textbooks, more notes. He'd get better at taking care of you. Keeping you cool. Giving or sending his used clothes for nesting. Care baskets every month with your favorite snacks. He was so good, he'd call and warn you of an incoming heat before your body would.

Your heats always started as an itch at the base of the spine. Then it'd spread slowly, warming through your body, like pouring honey. Whenever your heat would tease its arrival, you'd end up craving Caleb's presence, even if he was just a Beta. During your heats, Caleb acted as your anchor, and the first heat without him proved how deeply unsteady you were.

So, you threw yourself into your work, ignored your needs as you conditioned your body to get used to the new normal. It wasn’t without consequence. You didn’t miss how your scent soured after another suppressed heat, or the debilitating cramps that seemingly came out of nowhere. Your body was suffering. Pleasure and intimacy became foreign. His sudden loss carved you hollow. Worst of all, you missed Caleb, and so did your body.

His surprise return and his introduction of Colonel Caleb didn’t fill the gap. He was secretive, different. Rebuilding your relationship required a level of patience and respect you’ve neglected to use on yourself during Caleb's absence. But both of you were in a better place now. A place that reminded you of your past with Caleb, while still signifying the change in your relationship. Yet secrets, old buried secrets, we're still unraveling as both you and Caleb explored what being together meant.

It was a random weekend. Caleb had absconded from his job, to “Make sure his little goober would be ok.” As cryptic and corny as that sounded, he arrived with a smile, a gift basket, and a slew of movies he wanted you to watch. It wasn't until you looked in the basket, recognized the nostalgia in those familiar brands, that you realized it was in preparation for your heat. You hadn’t told Caleb you were on heat suppressants yet. Despite everything the two of you had been through to get to this comfortable point in your relationship, talking about the level of intimacy you once had felt discouraging.

You wanted that back, you did, but everything felt different now. And unfortunately, Caleb's designation as beta concerned you in more ways than you'd like to admit.

You wanted sex. You wanted Caleb to mate you, hard and rough. To pin you in a position where all you could do was take it and say thank you. But that was impossible with his physiology, and you feared that letting loose a pleasure-starved, heat-crazed omega on a rusty beta might lead to disaster.

The selfish part of you realized that you grew sad whenever you remembered that Caleb could never knot you. The idea of knotting always embarrassed you, how animalistic it was, but you craved it. Especially after another painful suppressed heat. But that wasn't important right now. Everything still felt fragile, and you felt responsible for making sure it didn’t break.

Not privy to your thoughts, Caleb pried gently, “Your heat should be coming soon, right? I wasn’t sure, but I wanted to be safe.” Instead of doing the brave thing, you sweetly clung to Caleb’s arm.

“Caleb did you come cause you thought I'd be in heat?" You snuggled into his shirt sleeve, “What did you think we’d be doing this weekend?” You asked teasingly. Caleb choked on his gulp. You laughed as you soothed his coughing back.

“What are you talking about?” he mumbled as his cheeks flamed up into a beautiful red.

“Nothing,” you said with a laugh, “but I’m sorry to tell you that you're wrong. I shouldn’t have my heat for at least another month.”Caleb looked defeated, but he shook the look away as quickly as it screwed up his face. Instead, he raised the gift basket out of your reach.

“Guess you won’t be needing this for another month then,” he said while gesturing to the basket. You groaned, and just like that, the two of you fell into your easy banter.

That night you did all that Caleb planned and more. The face masks you had sitting in your fridge were finally released from their cold confinement. Unfortunately, you were now obligated to share the limited edition snacks you bought earlier. You thought you'd be more pouty about it until you saw Caleb’s eye light up over the lemon sour candy you fed him. It was worth it.

When you went to sleep that night, stuffed, well moisturized, and cuddled in your bed (with the new blanket and heating pad Caleb bought), your door ajar as you searched for Caleb’s snores from his spot on the couch, you actually thought that Caleb wouldn't be super-humanely right about your cycle. That was until you found yourself keeled over the toilet, throwing up your dinner and snacks.

It hit you as you brushed your teeth after puking. You laughed, slightly spraying your toothpaste. He was right. With how long you’ve been suppressing your heats, sometimes a heat would break through the suppressants. All it took was another pill to dampen its effects. You’d get a stomachache that’d rival an earthquake, but you’d be able to move on.

As you ruffled through your medicine cabinet you patted and rubbed your stomach, preparing it for the suffering it was about to go through. You only stilled when you found your suppressants bottle, your empty suppressants bottle.

For a moment you weren’t breathing, then in the next you were breathing too fast, too little. It’d been a year since your last heat, you’d almost forgotten how they’d start with you spiraling in panic.

Heats weren’t like the cheap pornos you find on hotteenomegas.com. It was like a shedding of skin, before you could focus on pleasure, on mating, breeding, your space had to be right, your mind had to be right, and your right mind was left in the debris of Grandma’s home.

You’d have to leave. Find the nearest convenience store and take as many over the counter suppressants pills it would take to subdue the storm brewing in your body. You’d be fine you told yourself. You'd be fine. Reinvigorated you left the bathroom, only to find Caleb waiting on the other side of the door.

Silence overtook you two. For a moment all could be heard was the slowing drip of the sink faucet.

“How’d you know,” you said softly, awkwardly, your grand plan shriveling into a forgotten thought.

“The shower running isn’t enough to muffle you puking,” he said softly, a poor attempty of humor in his voice. You hummed in response; silence followed soon after. “You locked the door.”

You did, and a part of you didn’t know why. With that revelation followed the memory of the doorknob rattling. While you were heaving over the toilet, you wondered what that sound was, but couldn’t concern yourself when your stomach was violently emptying itself.

“So, you waited outside?” You asked. Caleb’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment you swore you were about to get scolded.

“It’s your heat, right?” You didn’t say yes, but Caleb kept going, “You should get to bed. I'll brew you some tea.”

“No!” You said way too loudly. You didn’t want to sit through this heat or let Caleb handle it. You could already feel yourself getting hot. Just standing in front of Caleb was making you skin scorch up. You expected to go out to a convenience store in this state? You’d break out in a full panic attack in the store and alert every alpha in the nearby area that an omega was horny and ready. Fear snuck into your brain and overtook it in a blink’s time.

“I need you to go to the store. I need suppressants, the highest dose you can find.” You said while latching onto Caleb’s arm.

“Suppressants? Why would you be on suppressants?" And for some reason, that question pissed you off. Anger, the remnants of grief that still lingered from Caleb's "death", from his abandonment, flared up and exploded like a firework.

“Cause the person who took care of me during my heats died. I wasn’t willing to take up the burden,” You said much harsher than you expected. You knew it was the heat talking, that you needed to calm down, but then something heavy shifted in Caleb’s eyes.

He paused for a moment, then whispered, "That's why you smell like that.”

Stunned, as if a lightning bold struck your body. “Smell?” Caleb’s jaw clenched as if attempting to keep the secret from leaving his lips. “Smell!?” you repeated, frustration building and swelling high.

It almost scared you how fragile you felt in the moment, how anything and everything would bring you to rage. Control slipped through your fingers like catching rushing water. You knew you smelled different. You were practically strangling your pheromones, but a beta wouldn’t know that. They couldn’t.

“Caleb?” You asked shakily.

“Don’t get upset,” he said while cradling your face, “I didn’t say anything.” Exactly! He wasn’t saying anything, and you were too afraid to expose what your mind was thinking. “Don’t worry about anything right now. Your heat is starting. Your mind is foggy. You're sensitive.” His calloused thumb, cool and catering, rubbed little circles into your cheeks. Your body hyper-focused on the sensation. Caleb's voice, gentle yet firm, fell like scripture on your ears, and you suddenly a devout servant took his words as law. “I’m right here. Same old Caleb.”

“Caleb?” you questioned as you stared into his eyes. You searched for reassurance in his galaxy-freckled eyes. That the one anchoring you, as always was the old Caleb. Caleb before the colonel, before EVER, before the explosion.

You couldn’t find him.

Using all your strength you pushed Caleb away. He did you the courtesy of stumbling away.

“Alpha voice...that was...Caleb?” Your broken sentence seemed to rewrite your own memories. Alpha voice, it could best be described as a really persuasive command. You’ve seen it being used before teachers on belligerent students. During spicy scenes on televisions. Colonel’s making orders of their subordinates. Their adjuncts.

How could you be so blind?

"You used an alpha's voice. You're an alpha." You said resolutely, no longer need an answer from him.

He whispered your name like it was an apology and you laughed. You laughed harsh and loud.

“Get me my fucking suppressants.” You screeched, ruching up your hair with the force of your yell. It had felt good for a few seconds to lash out at him. Until you properly looked at Caleb. He looked as if he’d been shot, then he melted into what could only be described as puppy eyes. The look both swelled your anger and broke your heart.

He retreated out the door, his ears pinned to his head. It took him an hour to get back, and in that hour, you stewed. For a good 30 seconds, you resisted the urge to nest. Then you blinked and found yourself in a pile of Caleb’s clothes. Over his recent visits, he’d left a few things here and there, and you , desperate for more, emptied the duffel bag Caleb brought for the weekend. You sniffed and stretched out his clothes until its scent latched to your body.

Smell that word was haunting you. You knew Caleb by the smell of his cologne, his shampoo, the harshness of his musk and sweat. But he didn’t have a smell, not like how you did. Alphas and omegas usually exuded pheromones in daily life; it could be described as a signature perfume. One that you could never take off.

Caleb never had one. Ever, and that trait was typically seen in betas. But his voice, the control he commanded over you, especially in your frantic state, that wasn’t Caleb but an alpha’s command.

It wasn’t the first time. You filtered through your memories again, every heat you spent cuddled into Caleb soothing arms. His whispers of comfort and reassurance were they from Caleb or an alpha? A shiver snapped down your spine, and for a moment a sick primal satisfaction coursed through you.

Alpha was always watching, always taking good care of you. Your cunt dripped at the thought. Your clothes were getting too hot and the scent on Caleb clothes smelled too faint.

You knew it was the heat talking, but you were so happy. So happy to finally have an alpha. Your omega salivated over the thought of finally being claimed and rutted. You’ve denied her for so long, even before you took suppressants.

When she cried for a knot, you used your fingers and when that wasn’t enough your crazed state would find anything cylinder and girthy to fit inside yourself. But now you realized you didn’t have to suffer. Caleb should’ve fucked you, knotted your desperate cunt until your heat finally dissipated.

That heat you spent locked in your shower, drenching yourself in cold water and fucking yourself on a travel-sized shampoo bottle, he should’ve been there pinning you down on the tiles.

Or the heat that accidentally started early. Trapping you in a fitting room. You waited for security to escort you out of the building so alphas wouldn't jump you. He should've been there. All you needed was a hushed quickie against the wall. One hand driving your waist back on his cock, the other gagging your mouth with exploring fingers. Enough cum and you’d be able to walk without anyone knowing the wiser.

Or the time he was there, pressed against you, nuzzling into your scent gland, whispering how good, how brave you were being as you sobbed from the heat reckoning your body. He should’ve lifted your leg up and slid right into your weeping cunt. You’d be so pliant, so thankful as you finally got some relief. You'd take every inch so beautifully. You would’ve impressed your alpha. Instead, he left, realizing that you were in the part you had to do alone. He left you to grind your clit against the pillow he laid on. Too heat drunk to realize what you were doing.

Anger and lust swelled in your mind like fire and dynamite. But, like the perfect extinguisher, insecurity doused the flames. Was this was your fault? You weren’t good enough, pretty enough, loved enough to be fucked by Caleb, by your alpha. You sank into your nest, muffling a sob into his clothes as the thought overwhelmed you. You just weren’t sure anymore, and the thought of having answers didn’t soothe you.

The click of your bedroom door opening put you on high alert. Caleb walked through the door as if he expected you to lunge at him.

You did.

The last of your energy was sapped as you wrapped yourself around Caleb. Despite the shock, he caught you perfectly, tightening his arms around your waist. Truthfully, you didn’t have a next step, but when you saw his worried face, only an inch away, you kissed him. And he let you. Holding you up and steady as you cradled his face and deeply kissed him, exploring his mouth with your tongue.

He tasted amazing, like you were supposed to be kissing him from the start. Sense all but disappeared as you lewdly suckled on his tongue. Close and closer, you pulled him into you, into your body, until your skin was stuck to his with sweat and need.

When he pulled away, he didn’t go far, pressing and nuzzling his nose into yours. “I have your suppressants," he said breathlessly. You whined, his words stabbing at that growing insecurity.

“Alpha,” and he shivered, his whole body unsteadied with one word, “You don’t want me?”

He placed you down on your feet gently. In the nook of his elbow was a small plastic bag. From it he pulled out the pack of the suppressants you wanted and tossed them into your hands. Upset, your nails bit into the box, tears welled in your eyes, then he pulled out a different box.

“Choose,” he said as he placed another much larger box dropped into your grip. Condoms.

You looked up at him, choice already made.

“You wanna use condoms, alpha?” Something like a growl crawled out of Caleb's throat.

“You wanna get pregnant?” He asked lowly, and your omega jumped for joy. A smile stretched across your face. You couldn’t say the words, so you nodded, and something in that little nod made Caleb smile. He joined you, dropping kisses on your face as he led you backwards towards the bed. Once there, he sat you down, pressed one last kiss to your face, then said, “I know you have questions.”

“Tell me after you fuck me,” You whined trying to pull Caleb down by his shirt.

“I’m not fucking you like this,” he said lightly as if he wasn’t completely devastating you. Tears welled up in your eyes again as Caleb gently wrestled the suppressants out of your tight grip. From the same plastic bag, he pulled out a water bottle, then from the ruined box he pulled and popped out a single pill.

That couldn’t simmer down your heat, at least not forever. “We need to talk, and you need to be here for that. Not just your omega.” You shook your head; words weren’t forming properly, but you didn’t want to come down. This high, this heat, your body missed it. But Caleb wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Open your mouth,” He said while uncapping the water bottle. Afraid to look Caleb in the eyes, you stared down at your lap, and you shook your head. In a silent plea, you held on to Caleb’s pant leg, gripping and pulling the fabric like a kitten pawing for affection. You hoped that would be enough to change his mind. Then you heard it, the clink of his belt buckle loosening.

Your head shot up and connected with Caleb’s heady glare. His one hand undid his belt as the other cradled your cheek. “Open your mouth, omega.”

Hypnotizing. You had no defense for that. So when you did open your mouth, like the good omega you desperately wanted to be, Caleb took advantage. Immediately placing a pill on your presented tongue and spilling water in your mouth.

“Don’t choke,” he said softly as you sputtered on the water. Once you harshly swallowed down the suppressant, he gently placed the water bottle against your lips, urging you to continue drinking. You wanted to fight him, but then he cooed.“Drink for me, pretty girl.”

At that moment, you were literally a girl in heat. So, you drank until he was satisfied and let his compliments and caressing hands calm you down. Ultimately, you were grateful. Once the pill turned your heat into a low simmer, effectively returning your mind to you, you realized Caleb was right. You did have questions. A lot of them, and time was ticking. Your heat would return, and the need to jump him would overwhelm you again.

“How–,” You started then stopped yourself, then you started again only for your words to crackle into nothing. Caleb, realizing you had properly calmed down, knelt in front of you.

He leaned back, a look of total surrender softened his features, “Hey, pipsqueak.” You gave him a weary smile.

“Hey Caleb,” and he relaxed, his shoulders dropping from tension. You didn’t miss the bulge pressing angrily against his loosened dark jeans. Holding back must have been hard for him too. The thought made you swallow hard.

“I’m sorry, about earlier. I was afraid that if you found out I was–I was afraid of hurting you. So I lied,” He laughed humorlessly, “Doesn’t make much sense when I say it out loud.”

“You used an alpha's voice on me.” Caleb struggled to nod, but he did so anyway. Confirming what you thought earlier, you finally asked. “You’re an alpha?”

“I am.”

“How could I not know that?” You asked both him and yourself. You were truly horrified by the lie and the fact that he thought he needed to lie. A sob wrenched from your throat before you realized it. You tried to muffle your cries, but your insecurity, the thought that you weren’t enough, that you’ve been negligent to Caleb, so much so that you couldn’t tell whether he was alpha or beta, made you feel sick. “Why,” you started through your sobs, “Why can’t I smell you. Is there something wrong with me?”

“No, no,” he comforted quickly, “It’s not you. I’ve never really exuded pheromones. I think…Grandma thought either I was born this way or it was an effect of something that happened before we met."Caleb paused, his hands tugged at his dark roots, as he searched for way to continue. "She thought it either meant I’d never get a proper a designation or I’d live my life as a Beta. We were both confused when I was classified as an alpha. You were still in middle school, and Grandma didn’t want to discuss what being an alpha meant, the ruts, the aggression, the possessiveness. She thought it’d be best if we just said I was beta.”

“But, why!” Knowing that grandma knew before you only made you feel worse.

“I don’t know why. I only really agreed with her decision when you were classified as an omega. I didn’t want to scare you,” he said softly.

“Why would I be scared of you?!” It sounded so ridiculous you almost wanted to laugh. Caleb was your first memory. He gave you your first smile, your first laugh. He taught you what love in its purest form felt like. Then, as adults he showed you what it meant to be in love. What it meant to share your heart and body. Like everyone else, you weren’t immune to Caleb’s light. You gravitated around him completely unafraid of his light burning you. You never knew that he was this cautious.

“You should be scared of me.” He said lowly.

“Cause you're an alpha?”

“Cause I’m Caleb,” he answered curtly.

Annoyed, you grabbed a pillow from behind you and chucked it at his face. “God Caleb, you’re not some monster! Even if you were, I decide who and what I’m afraid of. If you don't want to be my alpha, then stop making decisions for me like one!” Bullseye. Caleb squeezed onto the pillow that fell into his lap.

“That’s not true,” he said resolutely, “All I’ve ever wanted to be was yours.” On his knees, he inched closer to you, his misery scribed by the deep frown on his face. You stayed still, not letting the urge to cradle his face win. “You are the only thing that matters in this world,” he said shamelessly, his eyes staring steadily into yours. “I’d be anything you need. Your family, your friend, your lover, your colonel. Beta, alpha, omega. There’s nothing I wouldn’t become for you.” Overwhelmed by his confession, the urge won.

Shakily your hands cradled his face,“ All I want is Caleb,” you sobbed.

Caleb’s galaxy eyes seemed to burst, shining brighter than you’ve ever seen. You watched as they grew watery, tears clinging to the corner of his eyes. He weakly tried to break away from your grip, but you held strong, steadying him in your grip.

“Caleb,” you whispered comfortingly and then the first tear fell.

“I’m sorry,” he said while finally leaning into the warmth of your hand, “I’m so sorry.”

“I can forgive you,” your cradling hands hardened and forced Caleb to look at you, “but you have to tell me everything. No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” he repeated, before softly removing your hands from his face.

He leaned up and pulled you into a kiss. The embers of your suppressed heat sparked, but you kept your mind focused. Through his incessant kisses you gasped, “Promise…me….alpha.” A sharp shudder chased down his spine. He pulled away from you, stared down into your still watery eyes.

“I promise,” he said softly, and with that, you surrendered.

You let his deep kisses fan the flames of your heat until the suppression pill waned. The heat and the comfort of Caleb's presence softened your anxiety until you melted against him. You sat on his lap, straddling his crotch as you leaned heavily into him.

“What do you need, omega?” he asked against your lips. Heat, touch, relief, anything sounded good.

“I don’t know,’ you whined, annoyed at the brief loss of Caleb’s lips against yours. The possessive part of your omega instinct urged you to wrap your arms around his neck. To pull him close and keep him there. But you couldn't bring yourself to. Not when your hands were already so comfortable snaked under his pajama shirt, resting against his rapidly beating heart. Caleb leaned away, and you followed, desperate for his pampering.

Using a bit of his strength, he gently pulled you off, “Be good, omega,” he softly scolded.

Unfortunately, because of your heat-induced oversensitivity, tears sprang to your eyes.

“I’m sorry, alpha. I just wanted kisses,” you sobbed, hiccups peppering through your words.

Caleb wiped at your fresh tears, a gentle laugh shaking his shoulders. “We can’t kiss all night, sweet girl,” he placed a soft kiss against your cheek, then whispered into your ear, “Unless that’s all you want to do.” There was a hint of a tease in his voice, but you could hear the sincerity in his voice. The crumb of sanity you held onto was holding you back.

You were still a virgin. You had no idea about Caleb, but the fact that you’ve never had sex, something you never cared about because of your heat had blossomed into a full-blown insecurity. You purred at the idea of sharing your first with Caleb, but wished you could be better prepared for what was about to happen.

Truthfully, you didn’t just want kisses. You could’ve just said that to Caleb, instead you shyly shook your head. Again, another silent laugh shook through his body. You just groaned.

“Turn for me,” he said. You lazily turned around, then rested your back against his chest. His hand landed on your stomach, on your fuzzy pajama shirt. “You’re not overheating, pipsqueak?” You were, so you didn’t complain when he took your shirt off. “You didn’t answer my question. What do you want from this?” You just grumbled and focused your attention on the sensation of his hand rubbing soothing circles on your stomach.

Undeterred, Caleb asked again, “Were you on suppressants the entire time I was gone?” You answered with silence; you could practically feel disappointment emanating from him, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, the hand on your stomach traveled into your pants, while the other rested against your bare breasts. You closed your eyes. Preparing yourself for what was to come.

You gasped when you felt Caleb’s finger against your pantied clit. The soaked fabric pushed against your sensitive clit, made you want to close your legs and simultaneously open them wider. The latter won out. Spurned on by your obvious invitation, he pulled your panties to the side and pressed two fingers against your engorged clit.

“Why aren’t you taking care of yourself ‘mega'?” He asked in your ear while slowly pinching and twisting your nipple.

You whined, rolling your hips with the smooth slow circles against your clit. “I don’t want to.”

“Why, baby?”

“Cause I never had to.” Tears stung against your eyes, “That’s alpha’s job.” Caleb’s fingers stuttered briefly before putting greater pressure on your clit. You mewled in response, bucking your hips to rub against his fingers.

“You’re right,” he said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to make you feel good. I’ll make it up to you.” Your omega swelled with delight until Caleb’s fingers stopped and left your clit. You complained, begging for his touch as Caleb removed the remainder of your clothes. When he stood up to remove his own, you practically begged for the return of his hands.

“Be good,” he scolded as he stripped himself naked and grabbed the nearby condoms. His cock hung heavy and hard between his strong thighs, his knot already swelling at the base of his cock. You stared mesmerized as Caleb fished a couple of condoms from their box.

After grabbing four, then a couple more, then a little more than that, he looked at you, a string of packaged condoms overflowing from his closed hands. “Present yourself, omega.”

You did as you were told. Chest pressed against the sheets, your back arched, legs spread and your cunt dripping into the sheets below, you felt beautiful. You didn’t see, you felt Caleb settle behind you. His thumb traced your slit, “Gorgeous, omega.” Happy you snuggled into the sheets to hide your smile. Caleb grabbed a pillow and placed it underneath your stomach for comfort, then he returned to your pussy.

Gently, he pressed two fingers against your hole. You probably would’ve braced if not for your heat-induced eagerness and the fact that you were leaving a wet spot on the sheets below you.

Caleb’s two fingers, lubricated by your generous slick, entered without any resistance. You sighed and slowly rocked back against his fingers. The pleasure made your fingertips feel numb. Caleb spread his fingers and diligently prepared you for his cock. Not that two fingers could properly prepare you for his size, but you wouldn’t allow Caleb to stall this.

Even as pleasure slowly soothed your heat, you knew you’d need more. You need him very soon.

“Have…have you done this before?” he asked softly.

“Alpha’s my first,” you moaned, you don’t know what his reaction was, but his fingers grew gentler, not spreading anymore as they stroked your insides.

“What did you imagine when you thought about your first time?” he asked.

“Caleb.” You moaned in response, your heat making you more honest than usual. You turned your head to look at your alpha, and his face was so red he looked ready to pop. “ Your blushing,” you laughed, “Alpha’s happy.”

Caleb coughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Anybody would be happy hearing that.” Satisfied, you rested your head against the bed again.

“Was I...” he cleared his throat, “nicer or rougher than this.” You let the question settle on your pleasure-clouded brain. He didn’t push you, so after fucking yourself back on his fingers for a couple more seconds, you finally had an answer.

“Alpha?”

“Yes.”

“I want you to try to scare me.” A second later you were flipped on your back with an incredulous-looking Caleb staring down at you.

“What?”

“I want–” you started, then you leaned up and wrapped your arms around Caleb’s neck. “ You hid that you were an alpha because you didn’t think I could handle it.” Caleb's face scrunched up.

“No, I didn’t tell you cause–”

“You thought I would be scared and that I couldn’t handle it.” You said clearly. Caleb’s mouth shriveled shut. Undeterred, you pushed your forehead against his and gently nuzzled. You did so until the stress in his face settled, and he nuzzled back.

“Scare me, alpha. I’ll prove you wrong,” you said softly. Resolutely. Caleb pressed a deep kiss into your lips. When he finally stopped, leaving your lips pulsing, he stroked your cheek.

“Good omega, I’ll do my best.”

You were flipped, manhandled back on your knees. Caleb’s hands pressed against your back, pushing you into the perfect arch for your submission. You were so happy, you wanted to scream. His hands were moving and fixing, molding you into his perfect omega. You could’ve came just from that. The tip of his cock against your cunt skyrocketed your heat to almost unbearable levels. You rocked your hips, trying to coerce the tip inside you.

Caleb kept himself steady, you couldn’t see him, but you heard the heaviness of his breath. The screech of the bed as he positioned himself behind you. Excitement and anxiety swelled in your stomach as you imagined what it would feel like to finally be fucked, to be rutted. “Alpha,” you whined, needing to know now and quickly.

“You’re so wet ‘mega. I could slide right in,” his cock slid against your wet cunt, lathering itself in your slick. He gently smacked himself against your clit like the bully he was. You whined again; his actions only caused the pool of arousal sitting above your womb to swell.

“Alpha, please.” You deepened your arch, widened your legs again, hoping that if you presented yourself perfectly he’d finally put you out of your misery. You weren’t completely wrong. He finally pressed his cock against your hole, you were so dazed, so desperate, you were certain if he just stayed there hot and heavy against your hole, your body which had been clenching on nothing but your desire would eventually suck him in.

Fantasy aside, Caleb pushed in, stretching you open with the fat mushroom head of his cock. You moaned into the pillow, if not for Caleb’s hands on your waist you would have fucked back and stuffed yourself full. Instead Caleb shallowly thrusted his way inside you. Filling you slowly and carefully with every inch.

“Alpha, alpha,” you repeated, as your mind crumbled and broke, only leaving behind your baser omega instincts. You relaxed your pussy, sighing and smiling as Caleb finally filled you, signaling his arrival with the harsh slap of his balls against your clit and a kiss to your cervix. A drunken giggle left your lips. Your hand, which laid uselessly at your side, slithered under your stomach. You felt around, almost amazed that all of his cock was finally inside you. “Alpha,” you slurred into the pillow, “I feel so good.”

Caleb retreated, his cock gliding against your walls as he left you almost empty, only his tip was left trapped inside by your pulsing pussy. Fear, sadness, and dissatisfaction scrambled your mind until he slammed all the way in. The sudden thrust forced another laugh at you. Then he did it again, and again until you were squealing from his cock.

This was exactly what you needed. With you so deep in your heat, pain never registered, pleasure rewrote and relit your senses. His cock was leaving you helpless, nothing but a drooling doll that needed to be plugged by a fat knot. You felt so good, so fucking perfect, you had just started, but now you wanted to do this forever. Emboldened, you tried to fuck back, but a harsh growl from behind stopped you. “Lay there and fucking take it, omega.”

You practically purred, your inner omega wishing she could present herself a second time to your growly alpha. You listened well and let him do all the work, instead choosing to egg on your alpha with your wails and pleas.

“Good little omega knows how to please her alpha,” he cooed as your cunt spasmed around him. “You’d do anything for your alpha’s knot, huh?”

A sharp slap fell across your ass and you were done. Your pussy clamped down like vice as you came in a soundless shout. He didn’t stop, fucking you right through your orgasm.

You need this. To be dominated, to be shown your place. Pinned in submission by your alpha’s cock. Fuck, you loved it. You felt no better than a knot whore, and you loved it.

“Baby, talk to me,” your alpha whispered in your ears. You didn’t respond; you weren’t sure your tongue worked anymore. He asked once more, and when the answer was silence again, he flipped you onto your back.

Not yet letting up on his thrust, he asked, “Do you still need this. You still want the big bad scary alpha?”

You picked your head up from the pillow and nodded desperately, “I can take it,” you promised.

“But do you want to?” he asked, worry pinching the ends of his words. You wrapped your legs around him and pulled him deeper into you. You both moaned long and low as he settled in your cunt.

With him fully seated, you were once again reminded of how big he was. How he was molding your cunt to his cock.

As you clenched around him, another moan, this one desperate and broken, left his lips. "Fuck, you feel so good," he whispered.

The sound of his voice, the gravel in it, that was usually reserved for scolding, and when he donned his colonel uniform, pushed your heat into overdrive. You would cry if he didn't continue to ruin you. If Caleb stopped now, you'd never forgive him.

“Please, please, please, knot me, alpha.” Caleb didn’t smile, his lips turned up but he looked more like a satisfied beast than the happy man he currently was.

"Such a polite girl."

Your arms wrapped around his neck as his hands pried your legs from his waist. He pinned them down, your knees corralling your panting chest. He started slowly, fucking into your cunt in shallow thrusts, as if he didn’t want to leave your fluttering pussy. You didn’t care; you felt so good, so stretched, and satisfied as your body calmed from your last orgasm.

“Can I knot you like this, sweet girl. I wanna see your face.” You nodded sweetly. “Beautiful,” he husked.

He leaned in, kissing your face as he slotted his arms into the nook under your knees. You were so dazed and satisfied. You let him have his lazily thrusts, completely unaware of the position he was putting you in as he pressed close and closer. One last kiss, and then he almost completely pulled out, leaving just the tip.

“I’m gonna get scary now, ok.” he said softly, and you just nodded. One thrust and you were filled up again.

Your hands clawed its way down Caleb’s back as you gasped and squirmed. His thrusts were brutal, and you were helplessly pinned against his weight and bulk, just taking and taking. Eyes wild, he hyper-focused on you as he smacked his knot against your sensitive cunt.

“Alpha,” you screamed, “Alpha, you’re so close.” You sobbed as his cock wrecked your senses.

“I know omega. You be good and stay still so I can breed this cunt, hm?”

“Yesss,” you hissed, “I will.” As if to prove you could, you bared your neck, offering Caleb the ultimate submission. “ I’ll be good.”

A smile like the breaking dawn stretched across Caleb’s face, “God, you're so amazing.” His thrust was mean, heavy, but his face looked down at you with a kindness and awe that made you shy.

“You really gonna let me mark you, pipsqueak.”

“Alpha,” you whined, “ Don’t call me that,” you groaned, feeling slightly and suddenly embarrassed by the endearment. Caleb leaned impossibly closer, putting your legs on his shoulders and pressing all of his weight on the back of your thighs. He let his hips do all the work as he softly cradled your face

“Tell me” he softly demanded. You couldn’t do anything but gasp, moan and remember to breathe while folded and pressed down like this, so you nodded. Caleb immediately dropped his head in the nook between your neck and shoulder. Quick kisses, and long licks swiped against your neck, unable to resist you leaned in, offering more and more of yourself to your alpha.

Finally, a few more thrusts, and you felt Caleb’s knot try to fit itself into you. The stretch was almost painful. You whimpered brokenly against Caleb’s chest, as your body stretched beyond what you thought was possible. Despite the pain, pleasure still rocked against your body. Your mouth hadn’t stopped moaning since Caleb entered you the first time, and with Caleb prepping your neck for his bite, his mark, your voice only seemed to get whinier and more desperate.

“Alpha, I'm gonna cum. I wanna cum with your knot inside me,” you begged. Just thought of it was enough to bring tears of frustration to your eyes. It was taking too long.

“You will,” he huffed against your neck. One of Caleb’s hands let your knee loose; it flopped around next to you as he held the base of his cock.

“Brace yourself,” he said as he pushed the rest of himself inside of you. Your vision whited out, pain and pleasure mixed like a molotov cocktail, you were right there, then Caleb bit down on your neck, and you were gone.

Caleb growled against your neck as he bit in his mark. His mouth and cock properly claimed you as his. All you could do was scream your voice raw and hope you'd survive your orgasm. The sudden fullness shocked you; your stomach felt full, and your walls felt flooded. The condom? You thought briefly, but another wave of pleasure knocked the thought out of your head.

Even when you stopped screaming your mouth stayed open as you desperately sucked in air. Caleb was locked inside you, he couldn’t go deeper or pull out, yet he still rutted against your sensitive spasming pussy. Rubbing your clit with his crotch.

Overwhelmed you smacked his back, “Caleb! Alpha!” You hoarsely yelled out, as he fucked you to dangerous levels of overstimulation. He ignored you, instead licking your brand new mark. “Alpha,” you sobbed, “ I just came.”

You were scared. Your fingers, nor shampoo bottles, never did this to you. After your first orgasm, you were usually too tired to do anything other than stare up at the ceiling, until your heat spurred you to move again.

Caleb was slowly working you towards your third orgasm in a row. You were almost terrified, but you promised Caleb you could handle it, that you wouldn’t run from completion ruination and satisfaction. The reminder of that promise calmed you down, at least emotionally. Physically, your clit was ready to scramble what remained of your brain cells.

Eventually, he left your neck. He licked his lips as he looked at the mark. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said.

You smiled through your sobs, then warned him, again “Alpha, I just came.”

Caleb tilted his head in an unsaid question, “And you’ll come again.”

“Oh god.” You whispered in shock and pleasure as his fingers rubbed against your clit. You closed your eyes and let yourself become lost in the overstimulation when you heard Caleb curse.

“Fuck,” You opened your eyes to look at your mesmerized alpha, “I forgot to put on a condom.” That would become a problem later, but now you couldn’t help but smile at the confession. That’s why you felt so warm and full. Your omega purred.

“You have no idea how good you look, omega. Your pussy squeezing down on my knot as you drip out my cum.” You moaned at the reverence in his voice. “I’m the only one who will ever see this, you're all mine, omega.” His eyes gleamed with a possessiveness that felt all too familiar.

“All yours,” you panted, mirroring the look in his eyes. He smiled, leaned down and pressed a kiss against your forehead.

“Cum for me again, baby. Then I'll apologize for breeding you.”

“Okay,” you happily moaned.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head back, letting yourself relax and accept his ministrations. It didn’t take long for your body to break again, and you did so while sobbing Caleb’s name.

Days later, you were finally out of the prison that was your heat. You and Caleb found yourself wearing mismatched pajamas, standing in the pharmacy, staring at Plan B boxes. Caleb weighed two in his hands.

“Does more expensive mean it works better?” He asked worriedly.

“I think they all do the same thing at the end of the day.”

“Yeah, but what if we choose the wrong one?”

You chuckled and leaned your head against Caleb’s hunched form.

“You know the longer we wait the more likely I get pregnant."

Caleb slightly jumped before looking down on you with a slight glare.

“You know you’re being very casual for someone who could actually get pregnant,” he chided

“You have to fix it alpha, You’re the one who came in me.”

“Yeah?” Caleb leaned down next to your ear, “You’re the one who begged me to.”

Your face grew hot as the memories of the weekend returned to you. After the first mishap, you were determined to wear condoms up until the moment Caleb entered you with one on. Your omega was practically incensed at the rubber texture, and raised hell while Caleb tried and failed to convince you to keep it on.

“Are you mad at me, mate?” His glare crumbled at your slight tease. He was weak to the word, very weak; his face wore a vibrant blush as he grabbed as many different brands of Plan B as he could.

“We’ll just try them all,” he said while pushing his way to the cash register, the basket sitting in his elbow overflowing with boxes. You grabbed onto the back of his shirt, muffling a laugh as you let him lead the way.

“Why are you being so shy?” You asked, “Is this how you feel when you call me pipsqueak?” Caleb didn’t answer, but the red tips of his ears did. “I can’t try all these Plan Bs. That’s not how it works,” you giggled as you both stood in line.

Caleb, still blushing, avoided eye-contact and stiffly looked forward.

“Knowing you, we’ll find ourselves in the same situation during your next heat,” he said.

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach at the mention of your next heat, or doing this again.

“You’ll be here for my next heat, alpha?” You asked, but you both knew the answer.

Caleb turned towards you, his face melted into a small but shy smile, “You know I will.” Playfully, he stuck out his pinky finger.

“Promise,” he said. You latched your pinky to his, both of you teasingly pulling against each other, testing the will of your words.

“Promise.”

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

a/n - This is the third CalebMc fic I've ever written and another repost from my AO3. Looking back on it, I'm very intrigued by my characterization of Caleb. He comes off more shy and unsure than I would say he actually is. Nevertheless, this is my most popular fic on AO3. I think it's because of that exact reason. He's very comforting, and puppy-like, but still crazy good at sex, lol (⸝⸝๑ ̫ ๑⸝⸝⸝)

Flashes from his birthday, your time against the ground, your hands firmly clasped with his, served as a reminder that most of your fears were self-made. Yet, sitting behind Caleb's broad back, as naked as the day you were born, made you want him to push. To insist. Just a little bit. Force you to prove how much you truly wanted him. He was considerate. Thoughtful. You felt horrible that the thought of him taking more and more from you turned you on so much.

Caleb’s back was turned to you. He wrung the excess water from your soaked swimsuit set. You wanted to protest when he held your apple red panties in his grip, his muscles tensing and bulging as he forced every drip of water out of them.

When he finished, he casually laid them out with the rest of your clothes, but you didn’t miss the way his eyes lingered. You hid those panties under their matching shorts all day. Was he imagining you in them? How they hugged and cupped your cunt. The thought only made you pull the tarp tighter around you.

What would happen if you stripped off the tarp completely? Bared yourself and waited for him to turn around and be surprised. Would he question it? Maybe he’d offer another light-hearted joke. Or, maybe he’d shed off the childhood familiarity he wore as a shield. Take what you offered. Rob you of your inhibitions and fears, and finally fuck you.

“I could wring out my own stuff,” you grumbled cowardly.

“Naked?”He asked.

Further complaints died on your throat. Silence filled the cave, pushing out all the air. It’s not as if Caleb didn’t try to talk to you, but you thwarted all conversation with your brattiness. As always, it didn’t deter him. He kept his back towards the fire, respecting your privacy and keeping his eyes on your drying clothes.

Absentmindedly, after minutes of being ignored, he tugged at the apple red strap of your swimsuit, “Y’know if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you bought these with me in mind.”

“I did,” though your voice shriveled up at the end of your bold statement, it landed as intended. The back of his neck and tips of his ears blazed like a flare gun. At the sight, you giggled softly and awkwardly. Caleb often fell for your charms like an Olympic diver in a familiar pool; flustered moments like these were as rare as they were special.

“Not fair, Pipsqueak,” he chuckled, his hand rubbing at his blushing neck. As the soft sound soothed your body, you let yourself be charmed too.

“Caleb,” you whispered, “Can we kiss?” Your skin burned too hot to touch as soon as the question left your lips. They were probably preschoolers more suave than you. Caleb’s amused smirk meant he was probably thinking the same.

Caleb left the fire pit behind, smacking the dust off his hands as he walked towards your cocoon. “My wittle penguin wants a kiss?” he teased as he crouched down. You tightened the tarp until only your nose was visible. You couldn’t see Caleb, but you heard his gentle laugh and felt the soft petal-like kiss he flitted against your nose.“Well, I wanna kiss too.”

Caleb’s hands cradled your tarp-wrapped face. He studied his pouting penguin, gently angling your face to find what wasn’t hidden by your tarp.

“Not sure how I should go about that, if there’s no lips to kiss.”

Pouting, again, you shook your face free, but instead of puckering up, you looked down at the ground. With a small smile, Caleb kissed the corner of your pouted lips. “Ah, I missed,” he said in that same teasing voice that never failed to give you butterflies. “Let me try again.” Again and again, he kissed the corner of your lips. Then your trembling bottom lip. Your sweating forehead. Your flushed nose. Always missing where you needed him the most.

“Caleb,” you whined, your voice a hidden plea.

”It’s not easy kissing someone who's not looking at me.” You sharply turned your head towards him, as if to prove a point, but your brattiness quickly melted at the pleased look in his eyes.

“Good girl, stay like that for me.” Caleb dropped one more kiss on your cheek before asking politely, “Please?”

You did as you were told. It was just a kiss, not enough to taste him, just a tease. Slowly, gently, as if giving a fragile gift, he pressed a real kiss into your lips. You moaned, satisfaction burning through your body as you opened your mouth to his gentleness. You found a rhythm. When he licked, you nipped back and vice versa. When his hand steadied around your neck, keeping you in place as he slowly, slowly opened you up for his kiss, you leaned into his touch. You kept yourself still. You offered yourself pliant and ready.

His kisses lit you with sensation, and your body buzzed at the strange, yet familiar feeling. You were used to feeling good with Caleb, feeling good by Caleb, but not like this. Never have you allowed your desires to be fanned like a steady breeze on a fire bud. It was all you could focus on. How good his lips felt against yours. How he made you feel brave and needy and hot, so hot. You wanted to rip the tarp off and lean into his smooth, heated skin. When Caleb pulled away, you clumsily chased his lips. Hindering tarps be damned. For a moment, the two of you just stared at each other. In your eyes was a simple dare, a challenge.

“More,” you croaked out, your voice nothing more than a whisper.

“You want more, baby?” He asked lowly, “Stick out your tongue.” Your tongue moved before your mind understood. So, you gave up thinking. Instead, you closed your eyes in anticipation of what came next.

Caleb’s tongue licked against yours before dragging you into a sloppy kiss. You relaxed. You’ve heard of kisses that were reminiscent of battles, but this felt like a sweet surrender. You held on to your tarp, letting yourself get drunk on his taste, on his scent, and persistence.

When Caleb’s tongue licked across the roof of your mouth, you shuddered so hard you fell back. Caleb followed you. Using his hands and evol to make sure your head didn’t slam against the cave ground. Making sure you could still take his kisses.

When you realized you were prioritizing Caleb’s kisses over breathing, you wrenched your mouth away. Yet, both of you were unwilling to move very far. You and Caleb panting into each other's mouths, sharing the same air, breathing the same breath.

“What are we doing?” he asked in a husky whisper.

“What we’re afraid to do,” you whispered back, muffling your own words with the start of another kiss.

Caleb kept you in place, his hand wrapped around the back of your neck, his fingers softly stroking the hair at your nape. You needed his touch all over you. You were sick of the tarp. You wanted him to unwrap you like a present. Splay you out on the cave floor and teach you how to properly take his cock. Yet, shyness held you back. Kept you tugging on the inside of the tarp.

“I wanna see you,” Caleb said once he took a well-needed breath.

Too embarrassed to ask Caleb to strip you. You, first, roughly shimmied what you could out of your tarp. When you eventually got stuck, Caleb pulled at the tarp gently, and with that, the rest of the job became his. Layer by layer, he undid the tarp as if pushing down the petals of a budding flower. When you finally blossomed, you let your shyness fall away with the fabric. Though you had the urge to cover your panting breast and dripping cunt, you knew there was no point in hiding what was already known. You needed him. Your poor pussy clenched at the thought.

Caleb, thankfully, looked no better than you. His cock, hard and angry, strained against his thin swimwear. Darker, fuller eyes drank you in. Carving every line of you, every movement into his memory. “You can handle it?” He asked hoarsely. You wanted to say yes. You were so wet, it felt like he could slide right in. But Caleb finally pulling himself out of his trunks reminded you swiftly how much prep you needed.

It was heavy. You could imagine the hefty weight pressing down on your stomach. A thick vein traced a pulsing path from the base to his drooling mushroom head. Such a mean-looking cock. It stood at attention, ready to make a mess out of you. Leave your cunt satisfied and swollen. You purred at the thought.

“I can take it.” Your cock drunk mind said. Caleb smiled, breathed heavy and deep like he was relieved. Despite your approval, he was still cautious, even as he tapped his cock head against your pretty cunt.

“I’ll go slow, you tell me every time it hurts. Do you understand?”

You nodded.

“Use your words, pipsqueak.”

You silently laughed, “Yes, Colonel,” then you wrapped your arms around Caleb’s shoulders and braced yourself.

Though Caleb entered you steadily, the pain of the stretch was quick to rear its head. You tightened your hold on Caleb, nails biting into his blushed skin.

“It hurts,” you whispered, almost ashamed at how weak you felt. Caleb stopped, nuzzled into your neck, and peppered ticklish kisses against your skin.

“Take your time,” he said between his kisses, “I’m right here.” Though he couldn’t see it, you nodded fiercely, determined to compel your body to calm and relax. When it finally did, you rolled your hips, moaning at the sparks of pleasure.

“Are you starting without me?” Caleb gently scolded as he raised from your neck. Shallowly, he thrust his way inside you. His strained features tightened. Forehead dotting with sweat as your cunt made room for him. “So tight, baby. You feel so good,” Caleb moaned, his Adam’s apple bobbing widely as he swallowed down his further moans.

You closed your eyes, focusing on separating the growing pleasure from the waning pain. Softly, you chanted, “Caleb, Caleb,” cheering him on as he pushed inside of you. In response, the rough pad of his fingers caressed your buzzing clit. With every roll of his thumb, your body slowly but surely caved to Caleb’s weight. To the pressure he thrust into your grateful cunt. When he finally bottomed out, filling you up so perfectly you opened your eyes.

Caleb looked down at you with a soft smile, spilling his sunlight wherever the corners of his mouth stretched. Your beautiful boy, so grateful, so humbled to be inside of you. He leaned down and pressed a gentle, steadying kiss on your forehead. “Are you ok?”

“I’m ok,” You gasped back, the pressure in your cunt almost felt suffocating, but his warmth, the stretch, you wanted to cry out already, and he had yet to move. Caleb rested on his elbows, your legs spread to make room as he stuck to your body.

“I’m gonna start now, baby,” he whispered huskily. His gentleness fell away, revealing his desperate need on his sun-kissed face. For a moment, you wished to kiss every subtle freckle sprinkled across his body. Then he pulled back. Leaving you almost empty, until he meanly stuffed you full again and again. Any thoughts quickly disappeared after.

The cave wall reflected your actions like a mirror.

The slow flicker of the fire licked across Caleb’s strained face, painting him and your erotic shadows in a deep orange. Your face flushed hot, embarrassed, as your body arched and squirmed against the cave walls. Caleb’s brawn and his strong arms hid most of you, but nothing could disguise your clenching hands against his back, your legs that spread wider and wider as Caleb stretched your pussy. Your twitching stomach. Your parted mouth.

“Beautiful,” Caleb said, his eyes trailing over your shaking figure. As you looked at him and your joined shadows on the walls, you felt inclined to agree. Caleb's hand came to rest against your face. You leaned into the warmth. “Are you still afraid?” he asked.

You melted at the sincerity in his voice, at the softness in his eyes. Instead of answering, you invited him deeper into you. Wrapping your legs around his waist and simply holding on. He chuckled, shaking his head as he ramped up his thrusts. Creating a wet slapping sound from where you were connected. “You’re taking all of me so well, baby.”

“Yeah?” You asked with a heady gasp.

He hummed in response, “So glad you’re letting me pamper this pussy.”

“It’s yours,” you moaned.

Caleb chuckled again, “Already? I just started fucking this pretty cunt, pipsqueak. You gotta make me work for it.”

You weren’t sure what more you needed. Everything felt perfect. The heat from the fire, the taste of Caleb’s sweat, his hands pushing down your thighs. His cock. Fuck, his cock was perfectly carving a home for itself in your pussy. Leaving kisses against your cervix as your pussy clamped down on his vein, molding to its shape. It was his. You were all his. Forever. You don’t think there was a time when you weren’t.

“It’s too much?” He asked breathlessly.

You nodded, “It’s too much,” you whimpered.

Caleb’s thrust didn’t falter.

“You want more?” He asked.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, “Yessss.”

With a dirty smile, Caleb wrapped his arms around your back and pulled you up. You clung to Caleb’s body as your legs dangled uselessly to the sides.

“You didn’t have to say anything. You cunt’s so honest, she said yes for you,” He was right. Every thrust sent a shockwave of pleasure through your body, and your greedy pussy took all of it. Even as your body hung limply off of Caleb, your cunt still squeezed and pulsed around Caleb’s cock.

When Caleb stood up, you sank on his cock like metal in water. Though tears sprang in your eyes at the slight sting, your pussy fluttered like a butterfly. A low groan caught in Caleb's throat, then he hissed at tightly as you squeezed the base of his cock.

“Look how happy your pussy is to have me all the way inside,” he meanly praised.

“Shut up.” Your voice was nothing more than a garble. You need to climb down from the high. Cumming too early with Caleb was a recipe for disaster. He had a stamina that would make long-distance runners balk.

Ignoring your useless fight for sanity, Caleb brought you against the smooth cave wall. You squealed as your heated back pressed against the cool stone. You instinctively tried to push away, hugging tighter to Caleb’s heat.

“Cold baby?” he said teasingly as he slowly fucked you against the wall, pinning you in place. The new angle felt like he was poking right at your bladder. The fear and the thrill of squirting all over his cock ramped up your impending orgasm like a rushing freight train.

“Shut up,” you moaned desperately.

“Don’t be mean pipsqueak,” he said huskily as he nuzzled against your cheek. “You like it when I talk to you, when I bully you a little.”

You shook your head. You wanted to say something, but all you could manage was gasps as Caleb’s cock pummeled your pussy.

“Don’t lie. I taught you better than that.” Fuck, it didn’t matter anymore. You were gonna come. You were right there, teetering over the edge, then he stopped.

“Caleb? Caleb,” you whined in protest. Squirming your hips as you desperately begged for friction. When that turned to be fruitless, tears sat at the corner of your eyes, threatening to fall as your impending orgasm dwindled.

“No, don’t cry, you were being mean. Apologize.” He said in a voice that made your pussy spasm. “If your cunt doesn’t behave, I’ll pull out.” He warned sharply.

“No, no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” You sobbed.

“For?”

“Lying,”

“About?”

“I like it when Caleb talks to me.” You conceded with a soft whimper.

Caleb groaned against your neck, his hands squeezing your thighs. “You’re killing me here, pipsqueak.”

With a weak laugh, you whispered shyly into his hair. “And, I like it when Caleb is mean to me.”

Caleb retreated from your neck and placed a firm kiss against your forehead. “I knew it, dirty girl.”

Caleb straightened up and readjusted his stance. The movement bounced you slightly on his cock, teasing what was to come.

“Hold on tight, pipsqueak. I plan on getting my revenge.” His first thrust silenced you. Your mouth opened in a soundless gasp as he thrusted upwards, pegging your G-spot with a precision that scared you. When you did finally speak, well, wail, it was with your orgasm.

It wasn’t wet and messy like Caleb liked. God, he loved the feeling of you squirting on his cock, hunted for it every time he had the pleasure of being in your pussy. Though your orgasm wasn’t like that, it still rocked through your body like a freight train.

“You feel good?” You could barely speak through your hiccups and cries, so you nodded frantically. Holding on for dear life as Caleb bounced you in his cock, using you like his favorite flesh light. “Then why are you crying so much, ya big baby. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve used this cunt.”

“You’re so mean,” you whined the first thing that came to mind.

“I know, I know,” he cooed mockingly, “but I’m worried, you're crying so much, maybe I should stop.”

You scrambled to tighten around his body, even as overstimulated as you were, the thought of stopping sounded like punishment. “You can’t.”

“I can,” you felt the tendrils of his evol wrap around your body, “but that’d make you really cry, huh? Tell me what’s wrong? I feel too good?”

“Caleb,” you moaned, your mind scrambling with every feverish thrust.

He just laughed, tightened his grip on your body, and whispered, “Don't be shy, I wanna hear all your complaints.” Using what strength you had left, you pinched at Caleb’s cheek, pulling roughly until you could see his canines.

“You take too long to cum,” you scolded.

A shiver shot down Caleb's spine. He huffed in delight, “Let’s fix that, ok?”

Like magnets, your lips found each other. Slow and sensual, you branded Caleb’s taste on your taste buds. You nibbled at his bottom lip, using your tongue to worm your way into his mouth. Caleb moaned deep in his throat when you slid your tongue against his. Teeth clashed, spit mixed as you and Caleb locked in a frantic kiss. When you pulled away, leaving a string of saliva in your retreat, Caleb, mesmerized, tightened his hold on you. He smiled down at your quivering pussy, happily fucking the last of his energy into your sensitive cunt. “Stay just like that, baby, I’m almost there.”

”Inside,” you weakly whimpered.

“Not inside, baby, I’m not wearing a condom,” he warned quickly. You cursed at your lack of preparation. There was nothing you wanted more than Caleb to stay heavy and hard inside you, but you both knew you couldn’t handle the risk. The look on Caleb’s face, however, reminded you of a professional gambler. Maybe with a little more pushing, he’d give you what you really wanted. You nuzzled the side of Caleb’s face, then licked the shell of his ear. “Inside, Caleb, please, please,” you begged.

“Fuck,” Caleb whispered shakily. He never gave you a proper response, but you could see his willpower waning. You were no better. The thought of him cumming inside, marking you up. Getting to sleep with his warm cum dripping out of your pussy.

Before you realized, your legs tightened around Caleb’s waist. Caleb grunted as your thighs pushed away his hands. You held yourself up with your own strength as Caleb’s hands moved to grip your bottom. A whimper crawled out of your throat as his hands dug softly into your skin. “Pipsqueak,” he groaned next to your ear. Despite the danger, his hips never stopped moving. He chased both your orgasms unabashedly. The thought of him getting so worked up. So enamoured by you that he’d throw caution to the side made you tighten your thighs even more.

“Don’t test me, baby.” He huffed, “I’ll cum in you and keep my cock plugged in your cunt to make sure it stays there.”

You were gone. Absolutely ruined, you came with a shout. Your orgasm, that boiled warm and unrelenting in your stomach, sprayed out of you. While your pussy clamped down on his cock, milking and urging Caleb to paint your walls, energy sapped from your limbs. You hung loosely off him as you whimpered and whined from the pleasure.

“Beautiful, baby.” You babbled back a curse, unable to keep back the annoyance at how impressed he sounded.

Caleb, in one smooth motion, pulled you off his cock and hung your limp legs on his shoulders. Dazed, you rested your hand against the cave wall and watched clearly as Caleb positioned his face right in front of your drooling pussy.

He licked a long, wide stripe against your pussy. Uselessly, you gripped against the cave walls and ceilings for purchase. When that failed, you keeled over Caleb’s head, rooting your hands in his dark locks as he drank from your cunt.

“Fuck, fuck Caleb,” you panted as you held on for your sanity. Caleb groaned deep from within his chest. He lapped at your pussy like a starved animal, taking and taking in just the way you needed. He would stop only when he was satisfied, and your poor pussy felt like putty.

You moaned your voice raw and choppy, high off your orgasm. If you didn’t say anything, Caleb would keep you up there until you broke. Until your mind revolved around the tip of his tongue. Your body moved before your mouth could. You tapped out, pelting his shoulder with quick slaps, then begged, “Caleb, I can’t take it anymore.”

Caleb’s tongue paused immediately. He softly dropped you from his shoulders to his waist. Remnants of pleasure buzzed through your calming body. You dropped your exhausted head into Caleb’s neck. For a moment just held you, trailing his hands up and down your back.

“Too much?”He chucked

“Are you trying to kill me?” you whimpered as you twitched and squirmed in his tight hold.

“I’m sorry. I got ahead of myself,” he said sheepishly. You grabbed at his hair and pulled weakly. Caleb just laughed, “Be careful, pipsqueak. I like it when you’re mean too.”

“ Caleb, did you come?” you whined sadly. Your stomach bubbled with guilt and regret. You were certain that if Caleb did anything besides continuing to rub soothing circles into your back, you’d lose your mind to pleasure. But you could still feel the heat of his cock radiating against your still twitching pussy.

“It doesn’t matter. Do you feel ok?”

“Caleb, I want you to cum.”

“ I don’t need to.”

“Caleb,” you moaned, as you began to roll your hips, doing anything to urge an orgasm out of him. You squeaked as the smooth tip of his cock rubbed against your clit. Caleb’s breath shattered.

“Stop, pipsqueak. I’m not that strong.”

“You can use my pussy just a little longer. Just until you cum, ok.” Caleb’s blush spread like wildfire. You leaned closer, whispered in his ear, “Please?”

“Fuck,” you felt the shiver shoot down his spine before cum splashed against your pussy. “You’re evil, y’know that,” Caleb groaned as he pulled you closer to him, sticking himself to your sweaty skin. Caleb’s cock made a mess of cunt, spreading his cum against your slit. “As soon as we get back to the resort, I’ll get you back for that.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

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a/n - My fourth ao3 repost!! I'm running out of my backlog! I was really deep in my meanleb era when I wrote this. I think this is one of my better-written smuts, but I might be biased cause I love mean soft-dom Caleb.

Sometimes you just wanted to scream. “I’m allowed to be scared, Caleb. I’m allowed to worry over you,” but you knew he’d just smile. As if you saying that was more than enough, not allowing you to ever prove yourself to him.

This time was different. The scratch of stubble against your hand, thick dark stubble, sprouting stubbornly from his skin.

Did you look at the razor before you left Caleb?

Did you question what was more important, continuing the lie or your reunion? Was the razor in your hand? Did you put it down immediately, or is there a patch of smooth skin sticking out from the growing patch? So many questions, and you couldn’t vocalize them. You hoped your roaming hands, cocooning the humble look on Caleb’s face, conveyed the sentiment.

Caleb didn’t get the time to “clean up.” Once you stepped through the entrance of his home, you were crowded in the foyer. His lips pressed against yours, body corralling you within his thick arms. You were trapped, and yet exactly where you wanted to be. Kissing felt almost animalistic, like every push back against him was a fight, less giving and more taking and taking.

Breathing was a hassle, a nuisance. When you broke into a breathless gasp, Caleb traced his cheek against your face, not leaving your side for a moment. It hurt his bread, like a little pinch or a bite. You rooted your hands in his hair, squeezing and tugging as pain blurred with pleasure.

Would it leave marks as he traveled from your cheek to your neck, to the dip in your collarbone? Marring your soft skin. Caleb dropped to his knees, burrowed his face in your stomach and left soft kisses into your skin. His beard…it was ticklish. It felt almost wrong, but you giggled.

“Something funny?” Caleb husked, his own smirk betraying his tone, as he undid your pants.

“I missed you,” you said breathlessly, almost drunk on the vision of Caleb tugging your pants down.

“That's what's so funny?” he asked, before pressing his nose into your panties. He breathed you in, hands tight around your hips, keeping you steady, as he took his fill. You were making a bit of a mess. Your cunt pulsed like a heart and dripped its need shamelessly over your panties, and Caleb's thick nose pressed underneath your clit.

His stubble scratched your thighs as you squirmed in his grip. You weren't sure whether to clamp your legs around his face and keep him there, leaning into the bite of his stubble or run from it, the pleasure, the sting. Caleb chose for you, pulling away a little sheepishly as he wiped off the slick on his face.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“You can hurt me,” you said cheekily. Caleb laughed and shook his head. The hands on your hips looped around your drenched panties, he pulled them to join your pants on the floor.

“Can’t you tell I’m trying to avoid that?” You almost wanted to laugh at the irony. Instead, you shushed him.

“It’s ok, it’s ok, I’m into it.”

“Oh really,” you should’ve braced yourself, you could practically hear the tease in his voice, yet were shocked silent when he bit the inside of your thigh. You cursed, voice high and pitchy, the pain turning hot, as he kissed against your brand new bite mark. Your mouth went dry, your skin heated....ok, maybe you were into that a lot more than you expected.

“I’ll get you back for that,” you moaned, goosebumps raising your skin as he brushed his stubble against your thigh, against his mark.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Tenfold.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” A kiss against your thigh, then higher. You leaned back, positioned on the tips of your toes as you presented yourself to Caleb’s eager mouth. First, it was a chaste peck, then a real kiss against your firm clit. You practically hissed at the touch, your stomach swooping with the sensitivity.

Caleb pushed into your cunt, lapping you up as you dripped needily over him. Your voice caught in your throat, gasping and choking as sticky heat pooled thick in your stomach. Even now, with you being exactly where you wanted to be, you still ran from the itch of his stubble. Every lash sent a shockwave through your trembling thighs.

“I’m gonna fall,” you slurred your warning, brain mush from Caleb sucking greedily on your clit. His eyes never left yours. There was a dare to just fall, fall all over him. Let him scoop you back up and lick you to orgasm. Ruin that pussy for anyone else. You were too shy to admit it, but it already was.

Caleb looked drunk. Cheeks flushed, eyes closed in pure worship. He looked fucking pretty. Your pretty boy was pinning you in his hallway, marking you up, and doing things to your cunt that made you weak in the knees, weak on your toes.

“Fuck, Caleb, I can’t,” you gasped out. You were gonna cum, and you were gonna slip like something out of a goofy movie. Caleb placed his hand on your heaving stomach and pushed. Your back flattened against the wall. With you secured, he grabbed your thigh, raised to his liking, keeping you spread wide and pretty. Your spit slick pussy, the meat of your thigh held tight in his bruising grip, his thick nose pressed right against your clit. You were coming before you realized it.

He drank you up, keeping you still as you broke around him. He was scary, a man starved as he drank from you. He kept his eyes pinned to your writhing form. You were beautiful, and you were his, and he was proving that with every sharp gasp and twitch of your body.

When he felt like he was done, really done. Just before you were about to surrender to the pleasure, he rose. He kissed you, slow and sloppy. You tasted your need on his tongue and returned his passion, pulling him into you deeper, harder, rougher. Your hands gripped his hair, holding on as you both greedily took from each other.

The scratch of his bread, sharp from its curt length, taught you how easy it was to confuse pain with pleasure. Or maybe it was Caleb confusing you. He’d lie, he’d keep secrets, he’d hurt you, just like this, just where you needed it most, but it was him. Your pain to share. And when it did become too much, when you’ve felt light-headed, overwhelmed from the misunderstanding that you could sustain yourself from just Caleb alone, you broke. Lips swollen, face buzzed, need heightening.

“Bed,” you gasped.

“Now?”

“Now.”

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After cheerfully welcoming Caleb at his door, his eyes drifted to the dining room behind you. Spread out on the table was your attempt at Caleb's honey-braised chicken wings and a couple drinks for the both of you to share.

You had taken a couple of days off to celebrate Caleb’s birthday in Skyhaven. Caleb, unfortunately, wasn’t so lucky and only managed to take off the actual day of his birthday. In the meantime, you’ve made yourself busy. Decorating the house, making Caleb's lunches, and snuggling your scent into everything he owns. It was all so domestic, so far removed from the dangerous life you lived as a hunter.

But you could tell it wasn’t like that for Caleb. That sweet dream you’ve lived for the last week was only small blips in Caleb’s living nightmare. When you made him dinner, you only wanted to start his birthday celebrations a little early. To make up for lost time. But looking at the way his eyes strained over the food, over the memories attached to them, you feared you may have overstepped.

“I can put them away if you’re not hungry,” you said noncommittally. You wanted Caleb to try the food, to compliment you for your efforts, or at least tease you for your mess ups. Instead, he offered you a shaky sigh, his smile faltering at the edges. Before he could say anything, you jumped in, “Caleb–,” and he flinched. Flinched hard, as if his name was a weapon you were carelessly brandishing. Stunned, couldn’t describe the shock that paralyzed you. Caleb realized what he did, let guilt mar his beautiful features, before brushing past you.

“I’ll be in my room,” he said dismissively. You were rooted to your spot, wracking your brain for a way to fix it, or at least a way to properly apologize. A second or two passed, and then you remembered, you realized what you left in his room. You rushed towards the bedroom, but when you arrived, he was already in there, looming over his bed, a pair, your pair, of new, delicate, lacy panties fisted in his grip.

There was a part two to your plan. A plan not so much harboring on good-natured nostalgia and Caleb’s secret recipes.

You’ve been intimate with Caleb a handful of times now and though Caleb refused to admit it, he’d been holding back. He’s gentle and sweet, all-consuming, and devastatingly satisfying . But he’s big, bigger than you and bigger down there.

You’ve spent your entire lives trying to convince Caleb that you weren’t fragile. That you knew your limits and strengths. Maybe Caleb from before would eventually come to understand, but the man in front of you, the man who contrasted your sweet panties with his gloved hands, leather on lace. He’ll never see you as strong enough to face the threat he called himself.

Tonight was going to be different. Something straight out of a cheesy porn flick. Shameless, freaky, birthday sex. Maybe the lingerie wasn’t the riskiest, but the bright red, apple-themed, bullet vibrator next to it was more adventurous than the two of you ever got. You wanted to celebrate Caleb. You wanted this to be fun, but now you were kicking yourself for trying.

“It’s beautiful,” he said wistfully, placing the panties down to their matching bra, before picking up the vibrator. You swallowed down a scream, then Caleb’s name. You didn’t know what to do, as your mind broke on what to say.

You used the vibrator. You use it a lot and used it recently. You cleaned it of course, but watching Caleb turn the small wand in his hand, made your guilt swell into a silent freak out. You just wanted to be ready, already soft and pliable for Caleb to do all the freaky, nasty, birthday sex imaginable. Not as if Caleb ever complained about getting you ready. If anything he looked overjoyed as he spent hours making sure you were as open, wet, and on the brink of over-stimulation before he’d even think about entering you.

But you didn’t want to waste time. You didn’t want Caleb to delay or deny his pleasure just for you. At least, that's what you told yourself as you stroked yourself open with the vibrator. Truthfully, you loved the attention and Caleb’s meticulousness, but you missed him being inside of you. So often Caleb would make you cum until you couldn’t anymore, just so he could avoid being inside you. Which was truly a shame. You know how much he loved your pussy, how with every thrust he’d crumble into something rawer as he chased his orgasm.

You missed the stretch of him, the weight of his body on the back of your thighs, his hands pressed down on your stomach as he pushed in deep and deeper. Was it too much to want him inside you without the frills and fears? Maybe it was. The fear was good for avoiding moments like this, where Caleb’s finger was only a second away from pressing the vibrators on button.

Anything, just say anything, you thought as your guilt-fried brain tried to say anything that could save the day. Instead of that, you yelled, “Colonel! Wait.”

He didn’t press the button. A small win.

He, however, didn’t turn towards you. Slowly, you felt the familiar pressure of Caleb's evol pick you up from the floor. You flapped your feet like you were swimming as Caleb quickly dropped you on the bed, slotting you between the vibrator and the lingerie. His power held you in place. Not strong enough to render you unable to fight back, but definitely a strong warning to stay put.

“I wanted to make you that chicken,” Caleb said as he took off his hat, then the cufflinks. “I wanted to watch our favorite movies, build that model we said we would last time. That’s all I wanted for my birthday.”

“Colonel, I’m sorry,” you half pleaded as you struggled against his evol. You wanted to reach for him. Pull him into a crushing hug. Instead, your actions looked like defiance. You gasped as the weight of his evol increased, properly pinning you to the bed. Realizing your mistake, you calmed yourself down, went limp, like a dog surrendering.

“It’s not your fault,” Caleb said as he traced a finger down your face, “Sometimes I feel like I’m playing pretend. Like if I stop thinking for one second, I’ll turn into this.”

“It’s ok. It’s ok.” You whispered lowly, heat spreading in your stomach as Caleb’s tracing finger stopped right before the swell of your breast.

“It’s not,” he said before placing a kiss right where his finger was. “How can I celebrate my birthday when that Caleb was dead?” He said his name like a curse, like it rotted his tongue.

You throat built with arguments about how wrong he was. He was Caleb, and Caleb was the colonel. Maybe it was a different side of him, but it was him regardless. That meant you loved it, unequivocally and wholeheartedly. But as Caleb began to peel off your loungewear, you realized this was just another thing he needed so he could return to you, not as someone different or the boy from the past, but as the man you loved.

“I want to fuck you,” he said plainly, lacking the usual tease in his voice. “Can I?” For a moment, you were stunned, especially as you were stripped of your remaining clothes. Despite your shock, you realized he left you a way out. His evol had loosened considerably, enough for you to wiggle around.

You could see it in his face. He wanted you to fight him off. Use that hunter strength you brag about and escape through the open door. Leave him to his wallowing. It was so like Caleb to try to scare you away when he’s too weak to stop himself. Not this time. Instead, you make yourself comfortable.

“I’m all yours, Colonel.”

For a moment you thought you messed up, as his evol disappeared from your body. Then, the door slammed shut.

The colonel looked down on you as he reached for his belt buckle. There was something in his eyes that reminded you of a smile, but his face held onto that professional coldness. “I’m not feeling particularly patient today,” he said as he grabbed himself from his trousers, already hard and growing harder as his leathered hand stroked himself. You spread your legs, holding yourself open in invitation. You wanted to tell him you already did the work, but your tongue felt numb as your pussy clenched on nothing.

If something didn’t happen to you soon, you’d probably combust on the bed.

“Bite,” Caleb demanded, offering you his glove. You bit down on the bit of loose fabric by his index finger, and Caleb pulled, using you to remove his glove. Once his hand was free, he pushed the leather back into your mouth, gagging you. “You opened your legs so nicely for me. I don’t want to hear any excuses if it’s too much.”

Caleb took three fingers and traced the lips of your cunt. You thought he’d linger there a while, like he usually did, teasing and riling you up. Instead, he collected as much of your fluids as needed, then plunged three fingers inside of you.

You screamed, more out of shock than pain, at the sudden intrusion. He didn’t wait for you to adjust; he pounded into you, stretching and twisting his fingers to make sure you could really take all of him. You thrashed at his bullying fingers, your clit feeling tight and fuzzy as the sensation built quicker than what felt rational. You were still so sensitive from your adventure with the vibrator. This felt like destruction. You moaned against the leather, rolled your hips, chasing your orgasm, then the sensation disappeared.

Caleb brandished his finger like a piece of art. “Look how wet you are.” Using his other hand, he removed the glove from your mouth.

“Colonel, I wanna cum,” you huffed as soon as your mouth was free. Caleb placed his wet fingers against your mouth. And you obediently sucked them up, slurping and licking them clean, as you locked eyes with the Colonel.

“You will,” Caleb said, his eyes never leaving yours as he placed himself against your pussy. For a moment, he just let his cock lie there, heavy and hard, pulsing against your poor clit. You thought his inaction was teasing; every second that passed felt stretched into an hour as you waited for him to move. When you finally wrenched your eyes away from his pretty cock, you realized that Caleb was hesitant. Behind his eyes waged a battle, and you knew it was something he needed to work on, to figure out. This, however, he needed to figure it out preferably inside of you.

“Colonel,” you moaned his title like a siren song. “Please.” Your fingers spread your pussy open, revealing the most intimate parts of yourself.

Caleb surrendered with a chuckle, and in that moment, he seemed more like the man you loved. Then his face hardened. He leaned over you, scratching your nipples with his colonel uniform as he pressed himself against your hole.

“If you need this to stop, call for Caleb,” he whispered in your ear, before slamming all the way inside of you, “Cause I can’t help you anymore.”

The colonel was very proud of you. Really impressed by how much your cunt could take. You made it so soft and pretty for him and kept it that way through every thrust and position change. Right now, you were nothing more than handlebars. Something to grip onto as the colonel carved his cock into you. Again and again, forcing your body to mold itself to his shape.

Your mind was gone. Fucked complete dumb. You were pressed into the mattress. Your stomach against the bed as the colonel kept your hips up and hovering. Perfect for dragging you off and on his cock. The colonel’s fleshlight, his cute little pocket pussy. Maybe you’d feel a little demeaned if you could feel anything other than what was being pounded into you.

You wanted to push back against his hips, egg the Colonel on just a little. But both the colonel and exertion kept you pinned to the bed.

Just keep taking and cumming on the colonel's cock, you’ve proven through the night that you're great at it.

The colonel had taken his time pulling you apart, focusing entirely on your hole and how well you were taking him. It was only after your last orgasm. After you cutely sobbed into a pillow and slurred, “Please. I can’t, I can’t come again. Please don’t make me cum.” That he remembered the lingerie you abandoned on the bed.

“Your gift,” he whispered to himself. “I forgot about your gift.” You lifted your heavy head to look at him. Instead, he locked his arm around your waist, pulling you up until you rested limply against his chest. Fuck, kneeling while Caleb pounded into your still orgasming cunt made your mind spin. Filthy little sounds dripped from your lips. Pleas and desperate begs for the colonel.

“Ahh~Colonel, I don’t like this,” you sobbed.

“Hmm? Why? It doesn’t feel good?” The colonel’s gloved hand reached down and rubbed at your swollen clit. You thrashed against his hold, a startled moan falling from your lips. “That can’t be it.”

“Deeper,” you whined, “go deeper.” This position made his thrust feel so shallow and you wanted to be filled, irreparably stretched.

“You said you don’t want to come anymore?” He asked playfully, as he nuzzled against your ear. His hand slowed, giving your clit the lightest of pets. You bucked forward, hoping to urge him closer to your clit, but it only pulled you more off of the colonel’s cock. This couldn’t have been a hard problem for a hunter like you to solve, but your mind was ruined. Cloudy. Colonel-obsessed, so you cried.

Fat tears rolled down your face as you sniffled and sobbed. “I made you cry?” Caleb asked meanly, a smile in his voice. You nodded harshly while trying to throw your ass back onto Caleb. He just kept you still, only giving you what he allowed. “How do I make it better, hm? Tell me what you want.”

“I wanna cum!” You slurred loudly. Your desperation forced you to wiggle your hips, left to right, to get any extra fiction.

Caleb laughed at you.

“Ok.” He said. Then, you were falling. You blinked, then suddenly you were facing the ceiling. Legs splayed high in the air. You didn’t realize the colonel had taken a seat until you harshly sank down on all of his cock. You silently screamed as your body let out a violent twitch, squeezing down like an angry fist.

“Fuck,” that made you shiver, “You’re so tight, pipsqueak.” He dragged you up his cock, mesmerized at how slick you were with cum.“So fucking small. How do you fit all of me in there?” You truly had no idea. “It’s cause you love me, huh? You love me so much, your pussy needs this cock.”

“I like you,” you confessed, slurring your words and twisting your hips as you made yourself comfortable on his cock. Caleb’s hand brushed against your stomach, feeling and groping for the bulge he created.

Once he found it, he gently pressed down, “You just like me, pipsqueak?” He asked teasingly. “This pussy--?” He slapped your cunt gently, then rested his hand against your clit. “--Is molded to my cock, and you only like me?”

“I love you, Colonel.” You whined, and Caleb rewarded you with his thick fingers against your clit.

“Atta girl. Don’t lie to me anymore, hm?” You nodded helplessly, rolling your hips with the stroke of Caleb’s fingers. “You love me so much you bought me a gift .” The colonel whispered as he nuzzled against your ear. “You should wear them for me, right?”

You didn’t know what he was talking about until you felt the slight scratch of lace against your stomach. “It’d be a shame if I didn’t get to see you in this.” The idea of getting dressed up felt a little silly, but sitting on the colonel’s lap, stretched to the brim as he pulled a bra over your chest, made you feel like his doll. Despite the overwhelming thrill your body has gone through, you relaxed, leaned back against the colonel as he bent and twisted your arms into the lingerie.

“So beautiful, baby.” He said while the bra straps hung loosely off your shoulders. He didn’t bother to clasp it, instead his hands slowly snuck under your loose bra, grasping your tits greedily. “So fucking beautiful.”

The colonel pinched and plucked at your nipples, laughing at the way you squirmed in his grip. Soft pleas and embarrassed moans dropped from your mouth. “You’re making a mess, pipsqueak,” The colonel chided. Your cunt was weeping. Every twist of hips made a sound so wet and debauched you wanted to cover your ears. The colonel wouldn’t let you; his groping hands caged your arms to your side. His cock was still twitching and hard inside you, slicking your insides with pre-cum.

“Please, don’t look.” You begged, but you still couldn’t stop your hips. Being filled up by Caleb felt right. Your body was breaking. Your mind stretched thin after every resulting orgasm. Still, you didn’t want it to end. The colonel would push you to your limits. Keep your pussy wet and filled just for him. You wanted to be bullied. Just a little, and you think the colonel knew that.

“You don’t want me to see? Then let’s cover it up.” You almost cried at the loss of Caleb's hands on your tits. You’d become reliant on the strength in his grip and almost immediately keeled over when it disappeared. His touch returned as he spread your ankles, just enough to fit them into your panties.

“Colonel, wait,” your body felt over-charged, buzzed with touch and heat, the cool lace gliding up your legs mixed with the heated leather of the colonel’s gloves guiding them up. You were gonna cum, you were right there, just as your panties strangled against your quivering thighs. “Colonel,” you whined in a vague warning.

He shushed you, “I’m almost there,” he said as he dragged the fabric to where you two were connected. You spread your legs wider, and the fabric whined in its stretch. “Please, please, please, I’m gonna cum, Colonel, please.”

“I need to get your panties on,” he scolded, "Isn’t that what you asked for?” You didn’t know anymore. All you knew was that your orgasm was coming, again, and that you just needed a little bit more to get there. “You're gonna pull them up, ok?”

“Ok,” you sobbed as your shaky hands reached for the waistband of your panties. You tightened your fist around the fabric and tugged, despite it already being up as far as it would go with Caleb inside you. Your hips grinded up and down as you tried to work the panties up. You didn’t notice the little gasps and moans. You didn't know how your actions made an even bigger mess, slicking both yours and Caleb’s thighs. The colonel did, and he watched, deeply satisfied as you scrambled his mind.

“I can’t do it,” you huffed, the exertion already getting to you, “you’re in the way.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” his hands clasped under your thighs, “let me help you.”

Fear hit you before you realized what he was doing. In one swift motion Caleb pulled you off his cock. You had meant to scream, but all you could do was suck in air. The sudden emptiness and the long drag of Caleb’s length, turned your pussy in a water show.

Caleb let out a laugh that reminded you of his boyish charm, “You might’ve hit the ceiling pipsqueak.”

You couldn’t even respond, not as your pussy twitched and sprayed out its release. Your body was on auto-pilot doing as you clawed back for your sanity. Determined to prevent that, Caleb pulled your panties the remaining way. The lace against your hyper-sensitized clit was enough to force another mini orgasm out of you and sudden alertness. With your heavy slurring tongue, you thought it would be best to say, “You’re mean.”

The colonel laughed, “I know,” then he silently pulled off his remaining glove. You let the sight mesmerize you as they fell to your cunt. “Give me one more, then we’ll focus all on me.” Caleb's fingers rubbed down on your clit through the lace. You thrashed in his hold, yelling his title as all your blood traveled down. He was ruthless; you fought at first, instinctively afraid of what another orgasm would do to you. But when the tendrils of Caleb’s evol pressed against your thigh, you felt yourself relax. You were gonna cum, again, violently, and there was nothing you could do but let it happen. So, instead of being scared, you pushed your cunt into Caleb’s fingers and let yourself ramble.

“You’re gonna kill me,” you groaned. The colonel just chuckled.

“You’re not allowed to die on me, and besides, we’re not done yet.” A pathetic little whimper climbed up your throat.

“What are you gonna do to me?” you whined rhetorically.

“I have you all for myself today, so I should fuck you a little more, huh? You get all pretty and pliant when I fuck you until you come. Did you know that?”

You shook your head, “that’s not true,” you said, embarrassment already making you regret asking that question.

“It is. It’s even better when I eat you out. You get all desperate and start pulling on my hair, then after you come, you use the same hand to push me away.”

“Sorry,” you offered, slightly dazed, Caleb’s fingers snuck under your panties to further punish your pussy. “You’re so,” you cut yourself off with moan as Caleb’s fingers sunk into your hole, “persistent.”

“Is that bad?” He asked as his fingers fucked you deeply. You dazed on the sound of your pussy squelching with every thrust. Caleb's eyes were focused on his hand. He would pull his hand back all the way, just to watch it stretch against the lace. Then he'd slam it back into you. Again and again. Faster and faster. In awe of your sounds, your moans, and the way you felt wrapped around him.

“It’s just..fuck… overwhelming.” You leaned deeper into Caleb's abdomen, submitting to the pleasure completely.

“So, you’ll allow it?” The colonel’s hands stilled before gently pulling out of your cunt. With his fingers gone the tension from your body collapsed. Like taught string cut, you slumped against him.

“Only for you Colonel.” You mumbled against him, nuzzling into his skin. In return, he wrapped his arms around you, resting the hand that was still wet from fucking you on your stomach. “You’re the birthday boy. You can get whatever you want.” You didn’t realize you might’ve made a mistake until you felt Caleb shift under you.

You weren’t supposed to mention birthdays, you cursed to yourself. An apology rushed to your lips only to be silenced by a calm colonel tracing his fingers up your abdomen, to the valley between your breasts, until it hovered over your mouth.

“You know what I really want from you,” he said almost wistfully, “what I’ve always wanted to try.” His fingers, slightly tacky from drying for a few seconds, pushed against your plush lips. You let him in without a show of resistance.

You licked the faint taste of yourself off his fingers, moaning slightly as Caleb explored your mouth. “You have the prettiest lips.” He placed a firm kiss against your forehead, “I’ve always wanted to see them stretched around my cock.”

Suddenly angered, you bite down on his fingers, just enough to make him softly hiss.

You had all but begged Caleb to use your mouth. Caleb took eating your pussy more seriously than his job as the colonel. It always frustrated you that he refused to let you return the favor. You wanted to complain but Caleb’s fingers stretched your mouth wide, playing with your canines while preventing you from biting down again.

“Don’t be mean, pipsqueak. I never let you try because I knew I’d be too much. Besides you’ve already proven you’re a biter.” You bit down again just for that.

He sounded like he was trying to convince the both of you, but he couldn’t hide the growing blush staining his face as he played with your tongue. Or his soft groan when drool trickled down the side of your mouth. You weren’t stupid; you knew how you affected him, so you softened up. Let Caleb play with your mouth as you sucked and moaned around his fingers. You muffled his name. Grinded your hips back on his cock. You were behaving as if your body could take anymore. Bold.

When he pulled them out, you presented your tongue to him like an eager puppy. The colonel, right there, was just a man facing his greatest temptation: you. So though you flinched when the heavy weight of Caleb’s cock roughly settled on your drooling tongue, you weren’t surprised that you’d gotten your way after all.

You expected him to immediately thrust into you, but Caleb waited. Let the picture of his cock censoring your face burn into his mind. He started slow, wrapping his hand around the base of his cock, before gliding upwards in a fluid motion. His wrist slightly twisted as he jerked himself off, his eyes never left yours.

“Colonel?” you mumbled against his cock. Instead of immediately answering, Caleb let out a strangled moan.

“Truthfully, I won’t last if I enter you now,” he huffed, “I gotta take some of the edge off. Can you keep looking pretty for me?”

Heat scorched through your body. You could do more than just look pretty. Tentatively, you puckered your lips and placed a popping kiss against the head of his cock. Caleb shuddered violently, his whole body froze, and restarted like a glitch.

Spurned on by his reaction, you dropped further kisses across his length. Instead of scolding you, Caleb hands worked his cock faster, competing with your kisses to see who could ruin Caleb first. You could feel it, his cock getting hotter, straining with its need for release.

A couple more kisses, wetter, sloppier kisses, firm sucks of his skin, you’d get him there.

Instead Caleb grabbed the back of your head and pulled you back. “Open your mouth,” he demanded, but you weren’t fast enough. The first spurt of cum splashed across your face while you were still processing his words. Caleb, taking matters into his own hands, squeezed your chin, pulling it down to open your mouth. You let your jaw drop with his hand and moaned like a whore when his cum finally hit your tongue. “Good girl,” he cooed as he painted your face.

“More,” you mumbled, cum drunk and desperate for Caleb to fuck your face.

“Yeah?” Caleb's arms dropped to his side. Despite just cumming his cock was still heavy against your face. He thrust gently, spreading his cum over your heated skin. “Look at the mess you made, pips. All because you couldn’t be patient and let me cum in your mouth.” Caleb said meanly. His words practically slammed against your pussy. You were growing hot, your belly pooling with need. “You should fix it, right?”

“Sorry,” you said absentmindedly, “I’ll clean up.” Little kitten licks against the head of the colonel's cock. You languidly cleaned it until it was free from cum and shiny with your spit. You were weirdly proud as you moaned, “All better,” against his cock.

That flipped something in the Colonel. He ripped you up and forced you into a harsh kiss. For a moment, you tried to kiss back, but quickly found yourself overwhelmed. Caleb manhandled you to the ground. Sitting you on your knees, he tilted your head upwards, hand gently clasped around you as he kissed you deeply. “Fuck Pips, what are you doing to me?”

You’d loved when he cursed, when you could coax it out of him. It sounded so rough and so wrong.

You pushed back into his kiss, licking the roof of his mouth in a firm stripe. He shivered beautifully against you. With that, he pulled away, not very far. He stood up straight, revealing his full alabaster beauty. Finally, after a night of lapel against skin, he stripped it off. One by one, teasing you like a playful god. When he stood stark naked, his skin glowing in the gentle brush of moonlight. His cock heavy and hard at his strong thighs, you realized that this was Caleb. The boy that everyone loved, the demanding colonel, and the boy you grew up with, the boy who knew you inside and outside, it was all yours.

Caleb stalked towards you like a predator in front of his willing prey. “Make it up to me, pips.” He said with a reverent smile. You took his request like a law and slowly brought Caleb into your mouth m.

You were surprised by how hard it was. Caleb wasn’t a mouthful; he was a choking hazard. You were often amazed watching his cock sink into you. You’ve caught your Caleb fried brain thinking that his cock fitting inside you was due to a magic trick or a secret evol. Now, with just the head of his cock, veiny and standing at soldiers' attention, already making your jaw sore, you were stumped on how to proceed. Instead, you found yourself overwhelmed, just holding him in your quivering mouth. After a couple of moments of discomfort, Caleb offered mercy.

“Aww, pipsqueak, you’re so bad at this.” Caleb pulled out slightly, just to smack his cock head against your swollen lip. Without giving you time to feel guilty, he pushed back in. “It’s ok, you don’t have to do anything, just keep looking at me.” You did as you were told, your eyes widening at the deepening rasp in his voice. “Just like that baby, great job.”

You let yourself relax, focused on loosening your jaw and staring up into the wicked glint in the colonel’s eyes. Centimeter by agonizing centimeter, he fed you his cock, but he seemed less interested in fucking your face and more invested in pampering you.

He played with your hair, wiped tears off your face. When you’d choke and sputter on his cock, he’d pull out to press kisses against your mouth and face. Then call you beautiful as he stuffed you with his cock, again and again. You weren’t sure what was happening. You could admit you had your fantasy of swallowing Caleb’s length and creating a new standard for cock sucking, but even in your more realistic fantasies, it was never like this.

You felt spacey, dazed. The colonel would pinch your nose, just to remind you to breathe, but sooner or later you’d forget. “Look at me, baby,” he said softly, patting your stuffed cheeks to urge your eyes open. They felt so heavy, and you felt so relaxed. Maybe the colonel would let you sleep like this. “You're doing so well, you’ve taken almost half of me.”

Your mind was swimming from his gentle praise. Almost instinctively you pushed down deeper and immediately gagged on his length. Caleb steadied your head, “There’s no need to rush.” He softly scolded, “We have our whole lives for me to properly train your throat. One step at a time. Ok?” You nodded and let yourself relax again. Hours seemed to pass of you focusing on your breath, letting your tongue wrap around cock. Time jumped, you’d blink and find yourself further down his cock.

“You’re not allowed to fall asleep on me,” Caleb said roughly. Every time you opened your eyes, he looked a little different. His patience was running thin, and his body bulged with tension. The way he gritted his teeth could easily be confused for anger, but you knew he was just holding on, trying to prevent his orgasm. Suddenly, he pulled out. “Back on the bed.”

You attempted to scramble onto your feet, but you weren’t fast enough. Caleb's evol picked you up and dropped you on your back. For a moment, you were confused, staring up at the ceiling, until the underside of Caleb’s cock blocked your vision. “I’m gonna cum in your throat. Don’t move.” He said gruffly.

You opened your mouth and he slid almost all the way in, much easier than when you were on your knees. The shock of sudden fullness brought tears to your eyes, but your throat stayed relaxed. Caleb held you down, his hands cradling the back of your head. You were safe. Your body knew that.

“Fuck, I’m right there. I’m gonna move.” Caleb warned before he thrust all the way in. He didn’t last long, one, two, three, quick thrusts before you felt your throat flood. “Swallow it.” You did so, and Caleb moaned as your throat tightened and squeezed over him.

“You're so perfect,” he said brokenly, still shoving shallow thrusts down your throat. Fucking himself to overstimulation. “I can’t, I can’t,” he whimpered despite still using your willing throat. You couldn’t breathe, not at all, but the colonel’s little whimpers, the tremble in his fingers, the way he would suck in his stomach and release as he forced himself to cum again. That was better than air. You could sustain with that.

When Caleb finally pulled out, and you filled your lungs properly, like magnets you returned to each other.

“We’re not done,” he said as he ravaged your body with another aggressive kiss, “not yet, not now.” You agreed, no wasn't an option for any of you.

As dawn broke in Sky Haven and slowly filtered into Caleb’s bedroom, you were still connected. You’ve ruined each other properly and yet you couldn’t stand a moment without Caleb’s hands on you, his cock stretching you out, his words, his filthy praises slowing your brain.

It was hours later when you finally came too, the sun high and bright in the sky. Despite your soreness, you limped back to the kitchen, ignoring the wings left out all night, and grabbed the small cupcake you left in the fridge. Lighter, candle, and cupcake in hand, you returned to the sheets and to the knocked-out Colonel.

With your foot, you nudged Caleb awake while haphazardly lighting the cupcake candle. Luckily, when his heavy eyes finally revved open, you still in your loose lingerie, bitten and marked up, smelling distinctly of Caleb, held out the lit cupcake to him.

“Happy Birthday,” you said softly, afraid that if you were any louder, if you shared any of the excitement you felt, you’d only ruin his slow morning. For moment he was confused, then stunned, and then finally he broke out into the smile he you were hoping for.

He climbed to his elbows, blew out the candle, before plopping back down in the bed. “You should eat that,” he said with a cheekier smile than you expected.

You looked down at the cupcake, “Why?” It did look good but you bought it specifically for him, just in case you didn’t find the time to bake a cake with Caleb, like you had planned.

“You’ll need your energy,” he said, “I’ll need my energy.” Caleb quickly sat up. He took the cupcake, took a ridiculously large bite from it, before giving it back. He pointed at the half of the cupcake that survived, “eat it,” he muffled through large chews.

"Why?” You repeated, even more confused than before. Caleb swallowed roughly, then dragged you into a deep kiss. You were startled, but it was hard to stay that way with the combination of Caleb & chocolate. After kissing you breathless, he smothered your face with soft pecks, overwhelming you until all you could do was giggle. “Why, Caleb,” and for a moment, he looked blown away from just the sound of his name on your lips.

“We’re not done,” he said resolutely, before pushing you back down onto the sheets.

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a/n - This is another respost from my ao3. I wrote this when I was still a baby Caleb main, waiting excitedly for his birthday and still drunk off of finally getting his Colonel myth ( ⸝⸝´ ᵕ `⸝⸝).

At the time, I hadn't written a lot smut, and it reads like it, lol. I hope someone appreciates this super long and unrealistic smut. It was really fun to write at the time.

If you hadn’t worn that lip gloss, hadn’t swiped the wand against your lips like something out of Caleb’s dirtiest fantasies. If only it wasn’t the perfect shade of red, apple-tinted with a soft iridescent sheen that made Caleb want to lick it off. If you weren’t so fucking pretty. If you weren’t everything Caleb warned himself to never be tempted by, maybe you wouldn’t be on your knees right now. Kneeling on a pillow like a priceless jewel, your sweet lips planting kisses all over his straining cock. If only he were stronger. If only.

”I thought you’d never let me do this.” You whispered between sloppy kisses. Caleb’s hands bounced between gripping his colonel-uniform-clad thighs and the fitted sheet of his unmade bed.

“Me neither,” he choked through aborted gasps. Caleb definitely didn’t expect to have your mouth teasing his cock only 30 minutes before the annual Farspace Fleet Gala. You were supposed to finish getting ready. Slipping yourself into that deep maroon dress that made you look less like the accomplished hunter you were and more like…his. A claimed beauty to tout around, under the jealous gaze of his inferiors. And yet, now with you softly suckling the head of his cock, all reservations clouded in that fog of pleasure.

You just started, and everything felt so good. Sweat dotted his brow. His face flushed a bright red, from the tips of his ears to his faded freckled neck. His body, not yet his mind, was surrendering to the pleasure.

Caleb’s hands shadowed over your face before you felt the weight of it. Maybe he sensed you were about to push down, prove to both him and to yourself how far he could fit down your throat. Caleb, not ready yet, kept you in place. Kept your mouth stretched on his thick, velvet mushroom head. Honestly, the thought of slamming you down his cock, all the way, sprouting tears in those pretty eyes. Smearing that gloss all over his cock until it shined with lip gloss and spit made Caleb feel crazy, cunt-starved, and desperate. His stomach clenched almost in pain as he tried to stave off the orgasm that so desperately wanted release.

But the vision of decorating that needy look on your face with his cum. Painting your face, claiming you in the most demeaning way imaginable. He almost wanted to apologize for the thought, but he couldn’t think, couldn’t wrap his tongue around a syllable. Little cut off gasps. Low groans from deep in his throat were all he could manage as you sucked. It was all too much, yet when you left the tip of his cock with a pop, Caleb could barely curb the urge to grab you back and stuff himself down your willing throat.

With just a mere thought, the weight of his evol would wrap itself against the back of your head. It’d pin you down to the base, and all his hands would have to do is wipe the pretty tears from your eyes.

Instead, he watched, eyes low, as you placed kisses on his drooling head, then underneath the length of cock, to the very base. You sucked the side of his cock, tracing his pulsing vein with the tip of your tongue.

“This is all you want, Colonel?” You whispered as you let the weight of his length rest on your face. Caleb gagged himself, covering his mouth as he stared down at you, eyes wild, control waning, slipping through his fingers. “I could do so much more than just this,” you taunted.

“You’re killing me, pipsqueak,” he moaned, surrendering himself completely.

“I know,” you hummed cheerily, before continuing to ruin your Colonel.

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Jenna put you on suspension. It was only a week after Caleb’s and Josephine's deaths. Your co-workers, at first, praised your resilience. That was until you started shooting blanks into the ground. At some point, a wanderer was there, but by now it had dissipated. Left you alone, tears in your eyes as your gun fired against a ground that couldn’t die, couldn’t plead, and couldn’t shrink the pit of grief in your stomach. You kept shooting until you left a hole. Until your voice was raw from screeching. You had barely spoken since he died, and now you couldn’t stop.

You were tackled. Gun wrangled out of your grip. Someone's hand, soft, too soft, covered your mouth, dampening your shouts. Did you realize where you were? Amongst a crowd of onlookers in the crowded city of Linkon. Did you know they whispered and jumped as you lost yourself to the violence? Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t care. Maybe you were drunk on the creature’s death. That felt easier than wondering what Caleb’s death meant.

Jenna told you to leave, to take the time to grieve and come back when you felt better. All you could do was laugh. Better? Your hands traveled to your necklace, you tugged on it, silently and roughly. Leaving indents in the plush skin of your neck. You weren’t sure if better was possible.

Many days of sitting and staring passed. You didn’t have the energy to do anything else. You knew you were wasting away, and a part of you thought you deserved it. What if you walked into that house with him? Skipped behind him as you usually do. Ready to latch onto his broad back and snuggle into the nook of his neck. He’d laugh softly, like a whisper, and the reverberation would slightly shake his shoulders. You'd die just like that, blissful and unaware, held in the safest place you knew, Caleb.

You wished you had said his name. It doesn’t matter how, he would answer. He would turn and he'd return to you. But no, you watched the door close. Now, every time you imagine it closing, the sound it made as it firmly shut, and the second of silence that followed soon after, you can’t help but wish you had said something.

One day, your stomach cut through the fog. It was so loud, stupidly loud, a laugh wrenched your throat. You laughed again when you realized the only food you had in your refrigerator was apples. Maybe it was Caleb urging you to take care of yourself, maybe it was a cruel joke. Regardless, you grabbed a knife, a plate, and the shiny red apple sitting in your fridge. The knife had barely sliced through the apple's skin when it hit you. When was the last time you peeled your own apple? Caleb practically wrestled chores away from you. You can see it now. No, hear it. The soft clinking of his necklace hitting against his jacket zipper as he pulled it off. He’d sigh, “What are you doing, pipsqueak?” Then he'd slip behind you, his hands almost trapping you against the kitchen counter. “You should be resting,” he’d say as he leaned his chin against your head. God, you wished for the weight of it, but right now, it felt like you could feel it. You smelled the freshness of his sweat, the tickling of his fine arm hair as his hands draped yours.

“I’ve rested enough, and besides, I’m hungry,” you said. He hummed, low in his throat, and you heard it. You swore you could. His hands softly guided you through the apple as you peeled the skin, creating a sheer ribbon. Beautiful, you could see right through it. You held it up, let the sunlight catch it, and then turned. “Look, Caleb, it’s...” Your words died on your tongue, sucked up by the sudden silence.

You couldn’t sleep at all that night. You were barely sleeping already. Sometimes, you'd get an hour of good sleep, only to be woken up by a nightmare or the itch of your still-healing wounds. The last time you couldn’t sleep, you snuck off to Caleb’s room. He was home from the DAA, and you had made it your mission to monopolize his time. You were too old to be in his bed; you weren’t a little girl who still needed comfort. You were preparing to be a Hunter, and yet you couldn’t stop yourself. Caleb was asleep, dwarfing the twin bed he had slept on since he was a kid. You giggled at his soft snores, his leg hanging off the bed, sprawled out as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Before, that was all you needed. Just to see him. The nightmare that woke you up already a faded memory.

But that night, once you started staring, you couldn’t stop. Caleb had always been taller than you, but the DAA made him big. Pipsqueak. He had been teasing you with that nickname ever since you were children, but only now did the differences between the two of you feel so real. He didn’t always fill up his bed like that. You felt yourself grow hot. That had changed, too. Caleb was making you feel weird, strange, and clammy. Sometimes you wondered if he knew. That his head pats and gentle teasing made you feel more. Right now, staring at him, at the bridge of his nose, at his eyelashes resting against his freckled cheeks, the necklace you gave him. Dipped into the loose collar of his pajamas. Silver against pale skin. He looked so beautiful. You weren’t sure what that meant.

You climbed into his bed, rather on top of him. Fitting yourself into his body like a puzzle. He woke up almost immediately, but he was slow, still tired, and you still pounced. Pressing yourself into him until you felt truly comfortable. “Pipsqueak?” he asked, voice raspy and rumbling in his chest. You hummed, purred against his quickening heartbeat. “What are you doing?”

“I couldn’t sleep.” He was still stiff, his arms raised as you took space on his chest. He had changed, too. Sometimes it looked like intimacy was harder for him. He hesitated more. He’d linger around you, then flinch away, and it only made you bolder, it only made you want it more. It didn’t help that he spent most of the year at school and that the leaves on the Asiatic tree were already starting to bloom. You didn’t have time to wait for him.“I had a nightmare,” you cooed into his chest.

“Yeah?” he asked. You nodded. Maybe he realized then you were planning on staying, cause his arms slowly fell, eventually landing in the small of your back. You stayed like that, counting the beats of his heart. Strong and healthy. You loved it. It made you want to sing and lulled you to sleep better than any of the other remedies Caleb had offered you throughout the years. Just as you were ready to drift away--

“You can’t stay the night,” He said. Your head sprang up.

“Why?” You asked. Caleb couldn’t look at you, a blush spread from his cheeks down to his neck. You sat up, pushing Caleb down as you leaned on your hands splayed across his chest. “Why can’t I stay?” you repeated. You knew how you sounded, whiny and desperate, but you knew Caleb liked it. He liked it when you needed him. There was never a time when you didn’t. His hand hid the bottom of his face, yet his blush spread wildly, already reaching his chest. He didn’t say anything. He even squeezed his eyes shut and ignored you. Annoyed, you huffed as you sat back down on your behind.

The sound that escaped from him, made you freeze. You were sitting on something. Something warm, no burning hot. You whimpered as it grew beneath you. Were you wearing panties? They must have been thin, and your ratty pajama shorts offered no protection. Was it what you thought it was? It felt big, just like “Caleb,” you moaned while grinding down. His name had barely left your lips before you felt yourself floating.“Caleb!”

As quickly as he had lifted you off of him, he had thrown you out and closed the door behind you. Back then, when he was alive, you weren’t brave enough to imagine that Caleb didn’t mirror your feelings. The feelings you had yet to define and understand. He was being a coward. He could’ve stayed right there, under you, just growing hotter and hotter. It had left you feeling raw, embarrassed, and angry. The next morning, he didn’t say anything. Instead, you put salt in his coffee. You were even.

But now, with him dead, and you restless and bleary-eyed, you’d do anything to see him. Just to see his drool running down his sleeping face. You were greedy back then, and you regretted it. You finally fell asleep when the sun started to rise. You dreamed about him. You dreamed about his hands and his calluses. Him scraping his hand down your thighs as you straddled him. He’d play with your loose shorts before sneaking his hands into them. Maybe he’d rest them on your hips. Maybe he’d touch you where you wanted him most; it didn’t matter. His weight, his strength, pressure, and heat, it would all be yours. When you finally woke up, only an hour later, your panties were stained with the remnants.

The pleasure stayed with you, turning your grief into a bad habit. A sick one, that melded your need for Caleb, your desire for him, with the grief of losing him. That’s how you’d explain it to strangers, maybe a therapist. It sounded more insightful than saying that you’d make yourself cum to the memory of him. Over and over, like relighting a snuffed cig.

You only caught Caleb once, his face bright red, stained in whimpering guilt. He rested his head against his strained fist, tight and whole as it dug into the heated tile of the shower. In the other hand, he held himself in a limp grip. Slow, achingly slow, he dragged his hand up and down himself. Caleb couldn’t take the pleasure, he jolted when his hand finally covered the head of his cock. One soft curse that made your ears tinged, he never cursed in front of you, and a syllable, the start of your name, cut off by his groan. He came in his hand, and you left eavesdropping to come on your own. You never told him what you heard, how could you? You were just as much of a coward.

Back then and now, you bullied your poor clit, wondering what would’ve happened if you joined. If you sunk to your knees in front of him. You’d lick it, tracing the route left by his hand and he’d unravel that tight fist, place it on your head, root his hand in your hair as he guided you down his cock. You’d never stop looking at him, keeping you eyes wide and teary as he fed you his cock. As he fucked your little face. That little fantasy, his rough hands touching your shower slicked body, led you to your actual shower.

You weren’t as pretty as you were in your fantasy. You stunk of your grief, your hair tangled in angry knots. It was hard to believe that Caleb would love you like this, but Caleb, unwavering as the summer sun, would love you in all your faults. In your grime and disgust. You scrubbed your skin as soft as you could, offering yourself the gentleness Caleb would. You missed him. You missed him with every sob, with every moan. As you stained yourself with need, rewrote pleasure with Caleb. Sadness with Caleb. Anger with Caleb. As you inscribed him into your body, you wondered what would remain of yourself on the other side of your grief.

You were starting to see things; you were starting to see Caleb. He sits at your living room table, tinkering with a model plan he’d bought for the two of you. You haven’t said anything yet, just stared at the mirage. Afraid if you blink, he’d disappear with the darkness.“It’s not fun doing without you. I’m not as good or as quick," you said without thinking. Just an off-hand comment from your sleep deprived brain. He didn’t respond, not verbally at least, he held up a stick, a small smile, a serene smile on his face as he offered you a piece of the wing. Again, you weren’t thinking. His smile, his passivity had so quickly pissed you off, you didn’t realize you threw one of your plushies at him until it slammed against the table.

“I want you to come back,” You demanded

“I can’t.”

“But, you always came back.” You sobbed into your hands. “I need you, please, please, please.” Summer break, Spring break. Winter break. Random visits to Linkon. Caleb always made his way back to you. It shouldn’t be impossible again. You knew you were losing your mind, that it was crumbling to the sleep deprivation. But you didn't care as Caleb’s arms wrap around you. Kneeling in front of you like an offering, snuggled into your collarbone, whispered against your skin.

“You never needed me." You shook your head, overwhelmed by your growing sobs. “It was always me who needed you.” You raised your head, stared into his guilty eyes. “It’s better this way,” he said as his hand trailed from your shoulder, up your neck to caress your wet check. You pushed your face into Caleb’s hands , his calluses, into the warmth and steadiness it offered. “You’re stronger than me, you can survive this. I couldn’t.”

Your head raised. He was a figment of your sick grieving brain. But staring into his face, into his guilt, into his relief. You hated how well you knew Caleb. Your hands, shaky and unsteady, grabbed his cheeks, tightly smushing his sharp features together. You weren’t thinking, it was becoming a habit, as your pulled his lips onto your own.

He thought he knew you so well, but he always overestimated you. Thought you were stronger and better than you were. He had high expectations and no consequences for failing him. You rarely surprised him, but you felt his gasp against his lips. You kissed hard and sloppy, holding his face so he couldn’t run from it. You expected him to push away, but after a second of shock and another for confusion, he softly pushed back against you.

It was harsh. Teeth and tongue, your inexperience was easily defeated by your need. His lips were rough, a little dry, and persistent. You took and took, and when he dared to pull away, just to catch his breath, you sobbed. Trying desperately to drag him back into you. Instead, he held your place, “Gentle, gentle,” he cooed. “You deserve gentle.”

You couldn’t handle being away from him. You needed skin, his hands, his tongue, anywhere and everywhere. He placed a soft kiss against your forehead. “Just for now,” he said softly, his rasp tickling against your skin as he peeled off your ratty shorts. “I can’t give you more than this, pipsqueak.”

“Please,” you moaned as his kiss made its way down to your neck, your collarbone, your slightly exposed stomach, and finally right above your panty line. You knew it was fake, but you were happy you’d begun showering again. Was showering time now an excuse to imagine Caleb pushing the shower head against your clit, or him pushing you against the tile, a hand over your breast, playing with a nipple as he fucked you from behind; yes. But as Caleb’s sweet eyes honed on your panties, on your pussy and the wet patch it left the fabric, you were happy you could just focus on the fantasy.

You screeched when he licked a wide stripe against your still clothed pussy. He dug his nose into the fabric, the bridge of his nose sitting right underneath your clit. “You smell amazing, Pips.” He placed kisses against your panties, lazily, as if he had all the time, in the world.

“Please, please, Caleb,” you pleaded

“What can I do, hm?” He said in between his kisses. “You hidin’ this pretty pussy from me.” You shook your head.

“I’m not,” you whined, and he hummed again.

“What do you want me to do to you?”

“Anything,” his gentle touches were getting to you, making you squirm in his grip. His rough hands kept your legs apart, one of them pushing your heel into your thigh. You wanted him to spread you open, to take you desperately and meanly.

“That’s not true, you want me to make you feel good, right?” You gave him a big nod. “And what would make you feel good?”

“Fuck me, fuck me please.” His touches stopped and you wanted to scream at him, until your panties finally came off. His tongue flicked at your clit, until your pleads, your complaints turned into fragmented gasps. The pleasure sat low in stomach, ruthless as it built and built. You grew silent as you let yourself be taken by the waves.

“You taste so good,” he said as he dug deeper into your pussy, “So good, pips, I don’t deserve it.”

“You do,” you said, “You do. You feel so good Caleb.” Of course it did, only Caleb could make you feel like this.He placed another kiss, and you shivered at the jump of pleasure. He looked down at you, his serenity fragmented, a wild look on his face.

“You want my fingers? I can’t fuck you if I don’t work you open,” he said as his fingers traced your drooling cunt. They were long, longer than yours, and slender. You locked your arms around your legs, urging him on. He chuckled softly.

“It’s not funny,” you groaned.

“It’s not,” he agreed as he sank one of his fingers in you; you froze in a silent moan, and Caleb’s smile grew wilder. “I just can’t believe how patient I’m being.” His pace was brutal; he twisted and fucked his one finger into you, until he could fit two, then three. You felt stuffed, weak, yet you held yourself up, mesmerized by how Caleb’s fingers disappeared inside you. Suddenly, he spread his fingers. The pinch of the stretch made you wince, but your belly, the heat. You felt weird; your impending orgasm felt different than others.

“Look at me,” Caleb demanded, and you listened. There, and more, and please. Praises and demands, Caleb heard them all and adjusted accordingly. Worked you until you were strung tight, arching off the sofa like a bow. The least you could do was stare back. His other hand wiped the tears flowing from your eyes. “You're doing so well, pips. I can’t wait to fuck you.” You nodded desperately. You wanted to stay just like this, on the edge of a cliff, your orgasm another deep breath away.

“Don’t stop,” you hiccuped. It wasn’t a line you stole from cheesy porn, you needed to be stuck in this. Stuck with Caleb, nothing but him and his concern. You were tired of breaks, tired of waiting for him, tired of his death and its repercussions. “Please, don’t stop.” He listened, driving his fingers deep and mean into your little pussy. You felt dumb as the pleasure clouded your mind. More, hotter. From your teary eyes you saw Caleb’s bulge.

You wanted it to break you, to fill you completely. Could you take it? You knew Caleb was big and thick and that it would hurt. You wanted it to, you wanted Caleb to bully his way inside of you, as he rasped and moaned against your neck. Stretching you for him and him only. Your whimpers crescendoed at the thought.

“You can cum, Pips.”

“Please, I wanna come on your cock,” you groaned, twisting your hips to the root of his hand. Caleb hummed and pulled his fingers out.

“Who taught you how to beg like that, pipsqueak? You should be more spoiled with me.” You gasped at the sound of his belt buckle loosening. There it was, thick and angry, sitting hard in the palm of his hand. He gave himself a slow stroke, and you moaned at the sight. Caleb rewarded you by slapping his hard length against your clit. “Command me,” he said, “Order me to fuck you.”

“I want-,”

“Nope,” Caleb cut you off, sliding his length across your cunt. It was so heavy, so slick, dripping with pre-cum.

“Caleb,” you whined.

“It’s your life now, Pips,” he said, “take control of it.” You gasped, and Caleb’s blushed face turned guilty again. For a moment, you both stayed still, all you could focus on was the slamming of your heart.

“Kiss me,” you ordered. Caleb jolted at the harshness of your voice, or maybe he was surprised you only wanted a kiss. Regardless, he bent down and softly pressed a kiss on your lips. You deepened it, gently made out with him as your legs wrapped around his waist. “Caleb, it hurts,” you whispered, “I never thought I’d lose you like that.” You reached down in space between your bodies until you reached his cock, sitting hard and happy on your cunt. You grabbed his length and positioned it against your hole, and before Caleb could protest, you pushed it in. Caleb let out a strangled sound as you clamped around his head.

Your boldness waned at the stretch, it was tight , yet so good. Your belly which had slightly cooled had ramped up again, that same strange orgasm coming back with a force. You moaned“ I hate you,” into his ear and he shuddered, pushing himself deeper into your wet cunt. You could see the fight in his face as you pressed a kiss against the side of mouth. “You left me,” you said, a sob breaking your cruel words. He pushed deeper in, spreading your legs with the slow guide of his waist.

Caleb bottomed out, sitting heavy inside of you. You wanted to move, to squirm, your hands squeezed and pricked his strained biceps. It was too much, your every thought frazzled out at his slow, exploratory thrust. Your moans, high, little wails felt pushed out of you, as he pulled back and forth. “You’re doing so well,” he said with deep satisfaction. He looked down at your stretched hole, at the place of connection, and he sharply shuddered.

“Caleb?” You asked, confusion spiking as he slowly pulled out of you. Finally, using the strength that turned his body taut and big, he ripped your legs from his waist. “Caleb, no don’t pull out!” You begged, fearing the worst. Instead, he folded you up, and fucked brutally into your cunt.

You screamed, relief and the jolt of pleasure made your ears ring. “Yes, yes, yes,” you chanted at his smooth but hard thrust. Caleb's face was almost serene, his eyes closed, face tilted slightly towards the ceiling as he lost himself in your pussy. You didn’t miss the way he slightly gritted his teeth when you’d clench around him. Or him gulping down his moans, especially whenever he’d peak at your face. His hips ,however, were reckless. Hunting for the spot that made your nails dig into his skin, that made your pussy clench down like a vice. When he found it, he honed in. Pushing you deeper into the sofa to make sure you took all of it.

“Look at me,” you moaned, and he mostly ignored you, even shutting his eyes harder. “Caleb, you don’t want to see what you're doing to me.” You imagine you’d be a pretty picture. Eye bags aside, your puffy lips, your nipples hard and raised against your sleep top, your drenched pussy. You were art of his own making.

“I’m trying to last here, pips.” He pleaded.

“Please,” you said softly, so softly, you could barely hear it over his labored breath. Softly, he fluttered his eyes open, his blush stained face drastically darkened. His serenity cracking as he stared at you.

“Caleb,” you said coyly, “ Do I look pretty with your cock in me?” He moaned, startled and loud. While frozen mid thrust, his cock pulsed hotter and harder as you rolled your hips, desperately trying to push it deeper inside.

“Stop moving,” he said between gritted teeth.

“I’ll stop when you fuck me—,”

"No more talking,” he said shakily while grabbing the edge of your shirt and stuffing it into your mouth. He drank in your now muffled gasp, took a deep breath, then resumed his quick thrust. This time, he kept his eyes open and trained your face, your bouncing breast, and the mess he made of your pussy. His eyes on you, dark and all-consuming, made you as nervous as it made your clit feel fuzzy. Despite you begging for it, you found yourself becoming shy. You pressed your cheek into the couch. Your eyes were only closed for a second before Caleb snatched your cheeks, smushing your face between your gentle and firm grip.

“Don’t back out now,” he said meanly.

“I hate you,” you muffled through his grip.

“Yeah,” he cooed, “tell me how much.” He leaned down, cornering you on the sofa. His necklace dangled over your face, clinking softly against the real one that laid in the valley between your breasts.

The sounds you made, both you and your pussy as you tried to keep him inside. Wet and desperate. Caleb must be used to your whines and sobs, you loved being his whiny spoiled brat as much as he loved spoiling you rotten. He always warned that any man who made you cry wasn’t worth your time, then why did he look so thrilled by your tears?

“Does it feel good, pips?” He asked while grinding his cock into you, tickling your clit with his pelvis. You arched your back, an animalistic sound crawling free from your throat as Caleb’s cock kissed your cervix. That should have been enough of a yes, still Caleb chided, “Use your words,” he said while pulling your shirt out of your mouth.

“You said no talking,” you said with your heavy tongue. Even when you weren’t all the way there, the need to argue with Caleb stayed. Every drag of his cock against your walls, the pulsing of your clit, it was getting to you. Fogging up your mind. Making the delusion that is the Caleb fucking you feel realer and realer.

“C’mon baby,” he said low and raspy, “show me how much you need me.”

It was over, that heat burned through your stomach, resulted in a sloppy gush from your pussy. You silently screamed as your body raged with your orgasm, setting fire to every blood vessel and neuron. You were gonna die, out of your mind with pleasure, as Caleb stoked the flames of your orgasm. Fucking you through the storm.

“I’m not your Caleb, but would you stay with me even if it meant forfeiting your sleep?” he asked through the fog. You were unsure how to answer, unsure if you had much of a choice as drowsiness and the itch of another impending orgasm settled on your skin. “You’d stay with me forever?” He asked, punctuating every syllable with a harsh trust. You were gonna come again, you were scared and so desperate. Weeping as Caleb pulled more and more out of you. You could tell he was close; he was rougher, chasing something more than just your greedy pleasure.

“Tell me,” he demanded, pressing deeper against you. Heated skin on heated skin.

“Yes!” You screamed your orgasm following quickly behind. You twitched uncontrollably, as your cunt milked everything out of him. A dark groan caught in his throat as he came inside you, thick and overflowing, almost instinctively your hand came to rest of your stomach. Caleb chuckled, removing your limp hand.

“Don’t tempt me, pips.” You just nodded slowly. Drowsiness settled on your shoulders like a storm's overcast.

Your eyes, keeping them open, felt like lifting weights. “Go to sleep,” Caleb said softly, leaning his body weight on you like a heated blanket. You softly pulled at his skin, reminding yourself of the light scars, the dry skin, and the smooth plane of his skin.

“Don’t go,” you whispered. He didn’t respond, just patted your hair the same way he would when you were kids. Willing each other to sleep. When your eyes finally shut, you fell asleep immediately. And those hands that lured you to sleep, disappeared back into your dreams.

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