being 30, with a good career, savings, and a desire to settle, on the drive back from a children’s party, I’ve opened up a dialogue between my boyfriend and i about finances, home, and marriage. a lot of things sounded good... “i’ll pay for the mortgage, you want your name on the house?, i won’t let you pay for all the groceries, let’s have a joint account...want to just get married?” all of it sounded good, but it upset me... because he’s mentioned that so many times, but there’s no action put to it. i told him not to joke around because it’s not funny to me. it seems like something is holding him back from marrying me. does he love someone else? does he not think i’m the one!?? then i asked “do you not want to marry me?” then he responded “i didn’t say i didn’t want to marry you.” ...silence surrounded us... then i said “you didn’t say you wanted to either.” no response was given.

tomorrow i leave for Hawaii. Goal was to be 115. Did not realize it to be so hard to lose weight. Right now it's much harder. Today at 123 lbs but i see more muscles come through. I'm super excited for my trip. Slightly disappointed over not reaching that goal weight, but the muscles make it worth it. I guess they're right... the scale might not say it all... but the body does.

Woke up at 128 this morning. Oh how exciting. Working on my front.

Caught an early bird flight to Portland,Oregon. Got off the plane, grabbed coffee and went straight to Wahclella Falls. The hike wasn't too hard. I'd say it's a medium difficulty. Mildly strenuous for a little bit, but definitely manageable. It's hard to take a pic of the waterfall because it's so misty. On the way back there was this elderly couple taking selfies of themselves on a bridge facing the creek towards to waterfall. The lady said "don't kind us, were just taking selfies on the bridge" sooo adorable. Please wear boots, sneakers will get muddy. #gienwashere

January 4. The day we headed back to vegas. We had breakfast, then we stopped by to see the Lake Powell dam… That thing was so majestic. The man at the hotel told us that it looks better when it’s all lit up at night. Too bad it was our last day. I drove the whole way back and it started to flurry in Kanab, Utah. We were worried we were going to get snowed in, but we still stopped and took a photo. When we got to vegas, my friends mentioned that they have never seen the vegas sign… I took the scenic route and made sure my friends saw that. It was a pretty eventful birthday weekend. Going to places i’ve never been to just adds to my list. Zion, Antelope, Glen canyon, Page… #gienwashere 😍

January 3. Happy 27th Birthday to me! 🎂 the best gift i ever gave myself was the gift of experience. Went to the antelope canyon, got a tour for free and went to the horseshoe bend after that. No fancy dinner... All i had was a bologna sandwich and not to forget the awesome cake my friends got me! This proves to me that a big party doesn't mean much, it's really the company you are with that makes the moment special. Here's to 27!

January 2. Angel's landing hike in zion. I was so close to the top too, however i did not keep going because the trail had nothing but ice, and no chains to hang on to. That was the part hat was challenging. The sucky part is that the only thing that stopped me from going up is not having this $6 boot attachment you can get off amazon. I felt so defeated, but happy nonetheless. #gienwashere and will be back to finish the trail in better conditions.

January 1st 2016. I got off work early, packed my bags to meet up with my friends in vegas. Thank goodness allegiant airlines had hella cheap fares for that day, $49 for a one way flight to vegas! $49! Yayyy! In that hour that i was on the plane, my body was already so exhausted from the lack of sleep from the night before. However my brain was awake…. Where to go? What to do?