#ghosted part2

I woke up to a flashing notification on my pc this morning. “[Former Dom Guy] would like to be your friend. Accept? Deny?” and I just sat there, staring. Got up, washed my face again. Made sure my glasses were on properly and looked again. Still there. Huh...

Okay, not a hallucination. Snapped a picture, sent it to one of my besties who is also a Dom asking what to do. Got reply. “Block his arse, do it now and slam that door so hard it knocks him into the middle of next week!”

Can’t say I disagree. My curiosity is in Hyperdrive though. Why now? Then I went to check a hunch, because I knew it wasn’t because he read what I wrote the other day. (He would actually have started to care about my opinion and what I think to do that. Never gonna happen.)

A quick and surreptitious stalking of his Facey profile confirmed my hunch, which I’m ticked about since I hadn’t looked at for 5 months, I was doing really well damn it! Anyway, “cheap replacement” as I called her (Bitter still, cut me a break here!) appears to have vanished from her place on his page. So either she left him after getting fed up of him, or whatever, don't care to be honest... point being, he’s coming back cause he want’s someone to comfort him and pet his head, telling him it will all be okay.

All I can do is sit here thinking “Well, what the fuck does that have to do with me?” I mean, I don’t want him back. I’m not giving him the opportunity to do that to me again - he had 5/6 years of doing the exact same thing to me. I’d have to be 12 days dead before letting him in again. I spent years trying to please him, and then when he left in the end, months practically killing myself with misery because he was gone.

So, sorry Former Dom Guy, but no.

I don't want you anywhere near me. I don't want to see you, hear you or have anything to do with you. You could tell me that you were moving to Mars today and still it wouldn’t be quick enough or far enough away.

I would have been happy to be your friend if you had treated me decently instead of Ghosting and forgetting my existence. If you had had the balls to tell me that you’d found someone else, I would have stepped back. I would have been sad about it but I wouldn’t have stopped you. I always did all the other times you’ve done this to me. I’ve always said that if you found someone better you just had to tell me and I’d leave. You couldn’t even do that.

I wish you could have loved me properly, even just a little bit. Even if it was only just enough for you to have said goodbye to me.

This year has been hell for me and what you did was the cherry on the cake. You have no idea how hard this year has been for me, not just you but everything else. How many times I cried myself to sleep and wished that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning.

And you know what? You never will because you do not deserve that part of me. You don’t deserve any part of me, good or bad. I would have done anything for you, you always knew that. A part of me still would, even after everything you have done but I won't.

I hope when you look back on this, you realise just how badly you messed up and what you’ve lost. I doubt it though however because I think if you attained that level of self-awareness your head would implode.

If you have any feelings at all for me, You’ll leave me alone. If you respect ANYTHING we had, you will turn yourself around and walk away because I don’t want you near me. Ever. If you persist trying to contact me, I will take it that I wasted those 5/6 years with you and every word out of your mouth was a lie.

If I decide that I want to attempt friendship with you, then I shall initiate contact but on my own terms. At that point, you are free to accept or reject as is your pleasure, but as of right now. I don’t want to know, or want you near me. If that is too hard for you, then... -shrugs-

I’d like, however before you go, to give you a tip for the future. Next time you have a girl who would do anything for you, don’t treat her like you treated me. Recognize the value of what she offers you. She may not be perfect, but then no one is. Not even you. It doesn’t make what she offers worth anything less.