#gettingtoknowyourselfbetter

I mentioned in Question #10 that comfort can create stagnation in life. So, this question today has me thinking about how the question could be phrased better. There was a song by Vanessa Williams in the early 90s called Comfort Zone, and that was where I got the inspiration for the title of this blog post. Yes. Vanessa Williams. Her album entitled Comfort Zone was bloody brilliant back in the day. 

Question 11: What or who gives me comfort?

I keep repeating this question in my head because I mentioned the safety I feel in my beloved's arms. This security is also a form of comfort. I don't solely rely on him for comfort though because that is a heavy burden to carry.  All my thoughts and fears. It's just too much. 

It gives me comfort to know that I survived living another month of life, bills and all. 

It gives me comfort knowing my family members are healthy and safe. 

It gives me comfort to know that I have a man who loves me regardless of my flaws. 

It gives me comfort to know that life could be much worse. 

It gives me comfort to eat a good home-cooked meal. 

It gives me comfort to eat some chocolate when I'm PMSing.

It gives me comfort to receive a hug from a loved one. 

Everyone believes in something. Even the strongest Atheists believe in something. I don’t care what you believe in, but I do think that your values determine the kind of person you are. Whatever your priorities might be are it is important to think about this question often to gauge where you are in your life path. Determining how it changes throughout the years is even more important as we are always growing and changing as part of the human condition.

Question 8: What are my values? What do I believe in?

Worries. Worries. Worries. Too many worries often create irrational fears. Which is a shame because I’ve previously mentioned that my favorite quote by John Clease is all about how fears stymie creativity. 

Question 7: What am I worried about?

I hate being ashamed of anything; it just makes me anxious. My skin crawls thinking about being ashamed of anything. Still, I have my weaknesses, and although I know that everyone has something that they are ashamed of in one way or another, I feel like the word ashamed might be the wrong way of phrasing it. 

Question 4: What am I ashamed of?

Answer: Even though I believe failure is not an option, my constant drive to achieve and push forward in life has caused me to feel like a failure in many things. (Insert: Jesse from ‘Saved By the Bell’ singing ‘I’m SO Excited’; and Liv Tyler in ‘Empire Records’ saying that there are 24 usable hours in any given day.

For example, I am a bit ashamed that last weekend I couldn’t get more done in my backyard, but let’s face it. It was fekking hot! I did finish planting my garden after multiple breaks. I’ve come to terms with the things I am ashamed of. I know that being ashamed of my failures is okay. I don't like talking about them too much, though. 

Like, my marriage is something I feel like I failed at on one hand but on another, I feel very proud that I had the guts to follow through and walk away from something that was not healthy for him or me anymore. I clearly have no children, so I feel like I sort of failed at that aspect of my life. I think that is also something that society pushes upon people when they ask things like, “Don’t you want a legacy...blah...blah...blah...” It just hasn't happened, and I don't know if it ever will. I'm okay with that, though (see previous posts for details). Not having children makes life way easier and I enjoy being able to hand kids back to their parents. I don't have any regrets. I do feel like I failed at not finishing my doctoral degree. It is the only thing I have left unfinished, but I know I'll complete that dissertation eventually.  

I think that my fear of failure stymies me most of all. Which is a shame because one of my favorite quotes reads: 

Nothing will stop you from being creative so effectively as the fear of making a mistake. --John Clease

On the morning drive to work with D (we started working together in a sorta strange way a few weeks ago, but that is a story for another time) I found this pin entitled “26 Questions to Help You Know Yourself Better.” I prompted D in the car, to answer each of these questions and he asked them back to me. 

I started to think that maybe it’d be a great writing prompt/blog topic starter. So I’m going to write a post for each of the 26 questions, because it’s fun and it gets me to write a little more than I have in the last six months, due to the intense adulting happening in my world. So this post will start with the first question.

Question 1: What are my strengths?

Answer: What aren't my strengths? Is that too conceded? Seriously, though, it takes a lot to be the Magnificent Lanamay1980. I think that any task I choose willingly I am successful with because I was raised with positivity and healthy self-esteem. Maybe. I supposed it depends on who you ask. I mean failure was never an option. I mean don't get me wrong I do have my moments of weakness and intense anxiety (refer to my post from yesterday to get an inkling of what it was regarding). We will have an opportunity to discuss these weaknesses later and much more for sure.