I was tagged by the one and only @siriussblackx (❤️)

a - Age: 20

b - Birthplace: Panama City, Panama

c - Current Time: 12:15 am

d - Drink You Last Had: Lemonade 

e - Easiest person/people to talk to: My psychologist (it’s kind of sad actually)

f - Favorite Song: Currently, my favorite song is “Pull Me Down” by Mikki Ekko

g - Grossest Memory: When I was around 6, I was attacked by a dirty, butt naked, flu ridden, baby at the home of my mother’s friend. I’m not sure how, but I swear that he literally tackled me and sat on my chest whilst scratching me. I’ve felt uncomfortable around children ever since. 

h - horror yes or horror no: No thanks (I scare easily) 

i - In love?: With Jaymes Young’s voice 

j - Jealous of People?: Yes! LOL! I try to avoid the feeling, but every now and then I do get jealous. Mainly, I find myself feeling jealous of my skinny and smart elder sister. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that my parents (primarily my mother)  have constantly compared me to her since childhood. Somehow, I just never seem to measure up in their eyes and unfortunately, mine. 

(there’s no K?)

l - love at first sight, or should I walk by again: Totally! Unlikely, but totally! 

m - middle name: Ana 

n - number of siblings: 1 elder sister 

o - One Wish: To be cured of all of my “ailments”

p - person you called last: My psychologist

q - questions you are always asked: “Are you two twins?” to my older sister and I since people insist that we look alike when we really don’t. Although, we do dress kind of similar. I also get, “Where are you from?” a lot since, apparently, I look foreign (whatever that means). 

r - reason to smile: One of the new Padres at church is handsome (I’m a sinner LOL), my squats routine is making my butt look TIGHT, my costochondritis is only mild today, and I just ate boiled peanuts so...😁

s - song you sang last: “James Has Changed” by Phoebe Ryan

t - time you woke up: 10:00 am

u - underwear color: Baby Pink

v - vacation destination: I don’t have one particular vacation destination. I’d actually like to go on a road trip around the USA and visit historical sites in all of the States, but my current “health situation” won’t permit it. One day though! 

w - worst habit: I like to assume that people don’t have wholehearted intentions when it comes to me, that way it won’t affect me as much if/when they hurt or forget me. Letting people in is just too hard for me. 

x - x-rays: TONS! Mainly of my chest and mouth, which is where most of my “ailments” lie. 

y - your favorite food: At the moment, it’s Sweet Potato Pie. 

z - Zodiac Sign: Leo

Hello everyone,

today I would like to get to know me better, answering to some questions I found here and there. I think this is good way for me to open up and for all of you to found out something you may not know about myself. Maybe you will find out that we have something in common.

Sooo let’s start!

If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be?Anxious. I worry about…

Fandango, over at fivedotoh.com posted 25 short questions that I thought were fun, so I decided to spend a few minutes taking them on. Are you ready?

Who are you named after? My mom named me after Susan Hayward

Do you like your handwriting? No. My penmanship sucks.

What’s your favorite lunchmeat I don’t like lunchmeat.

Longest relationship? I’ve been married for 27 years.

Do you still have your…

Got tagged to do this a while ago but I thought it would be kinda fun. 

A- Age: 20 something

B- Biggest fear: being left or forgotten by the people I love and care about

C- Current time: 9:08am

D- Drink you last had: Water. plenty plenty of water ... to counteract a glass of wine

E- Every day starts with: Coffee. Black like my soul. 

F- Favorite song: Cannon in D by two steps from hell or High C’s by the same 

G- Ghosts, are they real? Maybe. 

H- Hometown: middle of southeast Michigan. 

I - In love with: no one right now. does myself count as an answer thou

J- Jealous of: well-off people. I’m working on it. 

K- Killed someone? nah

L- Last time you cried? Been a week or so I think. 

M- Middle name: D, cause my mother liked Dr. J D Hudson. But my art degree says otherwise. 

N- Number of siblings: 3

O- One wish: to get into the Hollywood Illustrators guild. 

P- Person you last called: My friend and bortherman, Shuert. 

Q- Question you’re always asked: How did you get so skinny?(I lost a lot lately) 

R- Reason to smile: comedians and the simple thing like eating outside. 

S- Song last sang: Always by Panic! At the Disco

T- Time you woke up: 8/8:30ish

U- Underwear color: Black and White

V- Vacation destination: Castle tour of England, Wales, and Scotland

W- Worst habit: I think I'm mentally lazy, I pick at my fingers till they bleed sometimes.

X- X-Rays you’ve had: un, actually no. 

Y- Your favorite food:  chicken in a white wine sauce with capers and a side of garlic mashed potatoes. 

I don’t like thinking about all of the things I have accomplished, yet this question forces me to do so. I believe that when people are hard on themselves that it can be harder to get beyond all of the bullshit of life. Truth be told I encounter this more than I care to acknowledge. Making it even more complicated to recognize achievements. 

Question 13: What is my proudest accomplishment?

I will never regret my decision to pursue my education. I truly believe that investing in yourself is investing in the future. Continuing your education can help effect generations without you even realizing it. Every person is an example or can be an example to others without even knowing it. That is a heavy burden when you think about it. I do

Do you ever get so scared that it prevents you from achieving your fullest potential? No matter what anyone says, we are all afraid of something. 

Question 12: If I weren't afraid, I would...

Travel the globe. Not have any anxiety attacks ever. This question is quite difficult to think about because I am always worried about something. :::inserts all of my bills and debts here::: In all seriousness, the biggest obstacle we as human beings face is our reflection.

I mentioned in Question #10 that comfort can create stagnation in life. So, this question today has me thinking about how the question could be phrased better. There was a song by Vanessa Williams in the early 90s called Comfort Zone, and that was where I got the inspiration for the title of this blog post. Yes. Vanessa Williams. Her album entitled Comfort Zone was bloody brilliant back in the day. 

Question 11: What or who gives me comfort?

I keep repeating this question in my head because I mentioned the safety I feel in my beloved's arms. This security is also a form of comfort. I don't solely rely on him for comfort though because that is a heavy burden to carry.  All my thoughts and fears. It's just too much. 

It gives me comfort to know that I survived living another month of life, bills and all. 

It gives me comfort knowing my family members are healthy and safe. 

It gives me comfort to know that I have a man who loves me regardless of my flaws. 

It gives me comfort to know that life could be much worse. 

It gives me comfort to eat a good home-cooked meal. 

It gives me comfort to eat some chocolate when I'm PMSing.

It gives me comfort to receive a hug from a loved one. 

Every person, I don’t care who you are, receives comfort from many things. Comfort, however, does not denote safety. Being comfortable could be a cruel thing for some people. Comfort can create stagnation and an inability to progress beyond yourself. This question has me thinking of these multifaceted thoughts. 

Question 10: Where do I feel safest?

Sometimes ((insert-anxiety-induced-stream-of-thoughts)) I don't feel safe at all. Sometimes, I think that we are all lucky to survive another day on this planet. Sometimes, when and if I focus on the dangers that occur by just living a life I get extremely scared. 

HOWEVER.

Times, where I feel safest, are those where I can just lay next to my beloved in his arms. The times where I don't have to speak, and he wraps his arms around me, and we enjoy the stillness. Moments like that seem few and far between. I'm always supposed to have something important to say or discuss. I have to explain something to someone about a non-issue. 

I don't want to have to say anything. I don't like getting angry or upset. I certainly don't like losing my cool. That makes me so uncomfortable. Still, I have these moments of vulnerability that I cannot control.