Since I started my blog, I write about things through my universal understanding, so that I can reduce my anxiety. Covid-19 is definitely at the top.

What I find difficult is not just the fact that for over a year I’ve stayed home and even out of lockdown, unless I have been able to find a way to comfortably go about my life, I have stayed home and shall be doing for the foreseeable future.

According to the media, people are not locking down, but getting on with their lives. Whilst I understand people’s reluctance to follow the rules because the virus is an inconvenience, without us following the rules, more lives will be lost.

It is an inconvenience, but in the longer term unless we work with it, the virus will continue to grow and change, and we will have no choice but to lockdown again, with more lives lost. The virus doesn’t care whose lives it touches.

For those who are vulnerable, it’s a difficult pill to swallow. The underlying condition I have is respiratory disease and with an already compromised immunity, in a pandemic that is my cause for concern, and with autism and anxiety to deal with, that means I struggle to function in my own normal.

In the beginning I wasn’t sleeping well, and the lack of understanding of how the virus worked, continually sent my emotions into overdrive. I’m doing better now, but today around its continued handling, I may still struggle with anxiety.

Also, with schools due to open on the 8th March, there is still significant evidence by independent scientists to suggest it’s too soon to contemplate. We know not all headteachers and teachers are vaccinated, so we can expect cases to rise.

For people like myself who are high risk, we continue to live with hope that others will conform, so that we too can get into our lives, but right now, in the throws of a pandemic it’s questionable, we need to know it’s safe, and it’s the right thing to do.

Sometimes we feel that the things that are causing us most grief in life are holding onto us, when in reality we are holding onto them.

After promising to take Marge to the ballet after work, Homer ends up getting both hands stuck inside vending machines while trying to steal a can of soda and some candy. As the emergency workers prepare to free him from his dilemma the fireman informs Homer that they are going to have to cut his arms off. Homer replies: “They’ll grow back right?”

As the Fireman reassures him that they will another emergency worker looking inside the machines asks: “Homer are you just holding onto the can?”

Homer: “You’re point being?”

There really is no trick to letting go, it’s not a quick fix and maybe not a do it yourself thing either. You certainly can’t just let go of trauma by telling yourself or to be told to get over it or just let it go.