Just Another Carrie

Being a single mum, I don’t get to go out much, but, my kids go to their dads at the start of the week. I decided to join a dating site (ikr- look at the sad one over here sitting in the corner). Once I had sorted through the chocolate box that is the slightly stranger bunch. I actually met a really nice guy.

We started chatting on the app and moved t over to whatsapp, and then arranged a meet. He isn’t my usual type, but then I thought hey what is my type? I’ve been with 1 guy in 8 years.

So anyway we met in town, it was a bit awkward and I’m tough to get out of my shell, spending most of my days doing housework and the like… I don’t talk to people much and it’s really difficult to come out of my shell. But we persevered, awkward giggles and all, spoke about our backgrounds, faiths that kind of things the usual small talk.

He is completely different to how I imagined. Intelligent, well travelled, respectful… I had a nice time I laughed a lot, and although I didn’t share much, or open up an awful lot we got on well and enjoyed each other’s company . And I know you are dying to know how it ended….

I have never been kissed so thoroughly in my life. It was amazing and I never wanted to stop. Erotic novels could have been written on that kiss… It didn’t go any further, he was a perfect gentleman!

So it happened… The world as I knew it had ended. 8 years and 2 children and it was over, just like that…

At first I didn’t feel anything… Then body crushing, mind blowing grief overwhelmed me… Then I am where I am now. Fine with it.. Over it.

In truth now looking back, the relationship had been over for months, maybe even years. We met as kids but left as adults and completely different people to the ones we fell in love with.

I guess the fact that we were so used to each other made us too comfortable to leave… I knew that’s what happened to me, I got to a point where I took him for granted and let him take me for granted.

And even though he ended it, l didn’t melt down for long, maybe two days tops, I had already mourned losing the person I loved because he didn’t exist anymore, just as my 16 year old self doesn’t exist anymore.

So here I am a twenty-something single mum, looking forward to my journey ahead. I hope to meet the one… One day.