#geo.

Instead he played league of legends all day today. Each time he tried to get off and actually do something, he said he got anxious and just went back to playing. We had many opportunities to do different things. Our family asked us to go see a movie, go out to eat, visit friends of the family. He said no to everything. Why? He wont tell me. Rather, maybe he didn’t even know himself.

Therefore, we did nothing today. It wasn’t the usual nothing due to depression, but a nothing due to nothing. An absolute maddening feeling to me. Sometimes its insufferable being with him. It makes me feel traped, like i cant escape his emptiness.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t hate being stuck in his body today. I wanted to be free to express myself and do what I wanted. I wanted to draw more, I wanted to drive a car around and feel the fresh air. I wanted to see outside. I wanted to be me, which I couldn’t today. I wasn’t mad. I didn’t yell. I just layed there and went to sleep.

Occasionally, I would wake up to check up on him, at which case it was the same thing. Him, staring at that screen. There’s something plaguing his mind, but he’s ignoring it. Hes blocking his thoughts out with that stupid game.

...Do I want to feel this anger? This hatred? No definitely not. Do I want to hate him? Yes, sometimes. Sometimes, I want to be the one in control. I hold myself back though, for my sake, and for his. A real internal fight could only end badly.

Yet, the resentment remains. A constant divide between us. The real question i have to ask him, since he’s probably reading along as I type this out...

How do you want this situation to go?

Do you want this to be a rebellious prisoner and a warden?