#general.

while i stand by this joke as it is relevant to pride-related discussions and will admit that my writing can be clumsy and under-informed, queer identity exploration and expression is ultimately something i hope to convey with attentiveness and care. fiction is fiction—but it can also be a safe and encouraging space to explore our own lived experiences, lived experiences that we have been moved by, explore the past, and create idealistic visions of another time or place.

relationships are so creative! mlm, wlm, a relationship where parties are gender-expansive, a relationship with multiple partners, even sometimes a relationship between a cis man and a cis woman, but that's not the point of this post.

an overwhelming majority of my roster is bisexual. (whether they would label themselves this way personally or acknowledge their queerness at all is on a case by case basis.) to put it crudely and bluntly, this is because it makes shipping easier and more flexible and more exciting. also, i think there's something beautiful about the capacity for human beings to accept that attraction, love, sex all can be fluid and defy expectations at any given moment.

also! there is something distinctly beautiful about cain rosales villafuerte (glass) being a gay man and phoebe abrams (juniper's daughter) being a lesbian. cain was an only child who grew up in a large industrial hub in mexico but moved to the states on his own to pursue education at columbia. there's a lot to unpack here even in terms of what made cain so susceptible to being ensnared by kieran and his cult, but it's also an interesting backdrop for the man he becomes after glass.

i love getting to explore cain's tenderness and vulnerability and i hope to write a lot more of phoebe's relationships with women—platonic, romantic, sexual. juniper encouraged curiosity and exploration for her two children, so i think pride has always been an intuitive time to celebrate for phoebe while also acknowledging the sociocultural and psychological barriers experienced by other queer people, particularly closeted queer people. (davy, juniper's son, is a bi man with a preference for other men or masc-presenting individuals. his sexual activity, which there is a lot of, is fun for me too because he is so gentle and loving but very assertive and sexually dominant.)

i also want to write more about juniper and spirit's queerness and capacity for attraction to women and less masc individuals—notably that it is more than just a trauma response due to harris's abuse but also something that is genuinely inherent to them and fulfilling for them. and sometimes their partners. but not always. spirit is very toxic on her best days.

on that note, harris' gayness is so important to his character arc and character development. the internalized homophobia he acts upon for much of his teenage and young adult life is a product of dr. kingsley harris' rigid training and explanation of societal norms in the coeus institute. just a cranky evil old veteran and doctor brainwashing impressionable young child soldiers about what he thinks it means to be a man.

harris is not a beautiful and poignant and loving portrayal of being a gay man, but i still think i have something worth saying about who he is and why he is and what he's capable of—if anything good at all.

while i do wish i had the care and attentiveness to have written more trans and gender expansive characters, i care a lot about the journeys of the characters that do actually exist. gabriela coming out as a trans girl was something that helped her father, cain, realize that gabriela is his child and he can love her—she's more than an unpleasant reminder of all the terrible things that happens in glass, including him acting out of comphet.

avery's gender identity and expression as a non-binary person is really fun and engaging for me because they still get to enjoy traditionally feminine expressions in their art/fashion design—an indication that there is no one way to be non-binary or to telegraph your gender identity to social circles.

in terms of more OCs: rachel, cass, and vi experience and express gender identity in a way that is deeply personal for them and can be exciting but also frightening for them to explore. cass and vi have the added experience of their parents being immigrants of a different generation who arent open at all to exploring things beyond tradition even more than theyve already endured the culture shock of a new country entirely. (this is why vi is no contact with her parents after being honest about her triad with joe and ollie.)

there is also burns but whatever.

while ive written cass and rachel for years at this point, vi in particular has been influenced by this beyond amazing and thought-provoking piece by supri/ya ganesh—a piece i hope to get to incorporate into my portrayal of samira out of respect for the actor playing her.

in terms of canons: when we meet up with lottie in modern times when she is in her 40s, she is desperately attempting to recreate relationships as meaningful and spiritually profound as the ones she formed with the everyone in the wilderness—the girls in particular, along with van's devotion being particularly meaningful. and travis but whatever. anyway: lottie's queerness and her need for enrichment and enlightenment are all entwined and all dependent on everyone who was on that plane.

a lot of my characters come from backgrounds where sex itself is condemned and viewed through a highly moralistic lens, which can make exploring gender, sex, and sexuality particularly perilous.

idris knight, mackenzie's father, came up with a tenet for his cult that killing virgin girls is the one way to ensure they make it to heaven without becoming corrupt or being violated (which he barely really believes; it is a way to explain and justify shipley knight's (mack's brother) killing behavior.)

after dissolving knight, mackenzie enters into a relationship with cass and jm. theyre in a triad that is also an open relationship. i think their abilities to be vulnerable, compassionate, loving, and accepting is a really satisfying way to evolve from the traumatic experience of spending so many of their formative years in idris' fundamental baptist cult (mackenzie having been born there and not knowing anything else until cass and jm taught her).

im not speaking on every characters' journey or what i enjoy exploring with them relationship-wise because this post is already the longest post ever written. i think you get the idea.

a final thought: queerness is one of the marginalized identities and groups that people often conflate with the heavy-handed metaphors and symbolism within superhero narratives like x-men or sometimes the boys. i think more compelling to acknowledge that if this were real, which it isnt, people who faced social shunning or violence due to popular sentiments about mutants/superpowers would also experience marginalization, violence, discrimination, confusion, etc. due to any element of their identity that does not conform to heterosexuality or the gender binary. it's a lot more engaging for me to work with all of these things at the same time. on this note, i do enjoy exploring that all kinds of people can be queer, and people experience and label themselves differently, and sometimes all things are very toxic no matter what!

the real killer , who was the dead boy's lover , got mad and disappeared . one of the members just announced he's ended his singing career and also disappeared , the other was too depressed and mentally unstable to continue and had to spend months in a mental hospital ; eunsa was left alone .

he faked some documents and bribed the police to show that he was completely innocent . which is why he was able to continue his solo career as legna / angel .

go under the cut to see the members ; 😘 warning for depression , murder , violent behavior.