like as a nonbinary person I don't have beef with nonbinary people of any flavor being/dating lesbians even if they partially identify with or use man/guy/dude/etc I do not care. I'm the same way with woman/girl/etc. and there are some situations where a lesbian will date a binary trans guy and still identify as a lesbian, and they're gonna do whatever they're gonna do. I don't give too many shits about what your relationship looks like individually and how you define it for yourself
what I have an issue with is people insisting that cis and binary trans men are included in lesbianism, and harassing lesbians for saying that as a rule, lesbians are not attracted to men. that's kinda a big part of our whole thing.
assuming we are including trans women in men is shitty, the vast majority of us are not, and there's a specific scrutiny put on lesbians for talking about gender without explicitly mentioning trans inclusion every time that other groups don't get. it's often by cis people, too. if you are jumping to the conclusion that every lesbian is transphobic until proven otherwise, that is lesbophobic.
and accusing lesbians of being trans exclusionary radical feminists for this when, HELLO, terfs have been regarding trans men forever as "lost lesbian sisters." (gross and transphobic) while what lesbians are saying rn is that they would not date and are not attracted to trans men! the same as they would not date and are not attracted to cis men, and it causes real issues, including offline, to pressure lesbians to "open the label."
honestly would not be surprised if most of this shit is actual TERFs trying to pit lesbians against trans men and people who are against TERFs, in some freaky roundabout way to get lesbians back on their side or something.
there's definitely overlap between trans guys and the lesbian community! we have been allies and share many experiences and it's okay for dudes to feel a kinship with lesbians and their lesbian experience after transitioning. I think there's a time and a place for specifically lesbian-only spaces, but like, you can sit with me. we're bros. same with bisexual folks. and we need to keep affirming it is okay, and common, to be bisexual with preferences, or straight and trans, and experiencing/wording your sexuality differently than other people without imposing your personal experience onto everyone else and a commonly understood interpretation of the only sexuality that does not include attraction to men
