Apr 16, 2022
New gender-neutral royalty just dropped (according to my 5yo who is bad with gender and creative with words):
"quing" = queen+king
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New gender-neutral royalty just dropped (according to my 5yo who is bad with gender and creative with words):
"quing" = queen+king
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I can tell that my gender and my desired gender expression are on the move again. I mean, I've been taking a hard left turn into Femme ever since last year, but my gender was also swinging female, to the point I thought I might just finally settle down as cis but nope
Now I want to be a twink in a dress. I'm a girl in a boy way. A boy in a girl way. I'm wearing a dress but in a drag way. I'm not a girl but I dress up as one sometimes for fun. I'm learning the elaborate gender performance but it's a costume. "Female" is a ren faire I'm dressing up for.
Back when he was about 3, my older son had a hard time figuring out the difference between "me" and "you". Because we always referred to him as "you", he didn't realize that it referred to people outside of one's self, and therefore always referred to himself as "you"; this lead to some hilarious moments like when he needed to get out of his bed to use the bathroom and he would yell at us through the baby monitor "YOU NEED TO PEE!!!"
Second son, though, had no problem with the you/I distinction. I'm not entirely sure why, but perhaps it was because he had an additional person around to watch responding to "you" vs "I".
What he does have trouble with, and continues to have trouble with, is the difference between she/her and he/him. I am the only person in the house who uses she/her pronouns, so while he knows that some people use she/her instead of he/him, he doesn't have a good grasp on why or when. He tends to refer indiscriminately to people using either set, even mixing it up within the same sentence.
I know he'll figure it out eventually but I find it endlessly amusing that he speaks like someone learning English from a language with ungendered pronouns, that he can't find any reason why some people are one and some people are another. Gives me hope I'm doing something at least a little right.
I was chaperoning for Oldest!Kid's chess tournament today. One of the kids there asked if I was a boy or a girl (to my surprise, as I'd already introduced myself as "Mrs. [Lastname]" and "Oldest!Kid's Mom", and I was dressed fairly feminine today)
But without thinking I answered "It depends", and whoo! the gender euphoria it gave me.
Last night had a friend over to play board games and somehow the subject of pronouns came up and he said that he noticed that in the kitchen we keep old con badges and one of mine had a she/they pronouns tag on it, so he's been trying to sprinkle in "they" pronouns for me when he talks about me.
Which I hadn't noticed (since often when people talk about you you're not in the room) but is incredibly sweet. What a good dude. I'm not even really "out" IRL mostly bc "female" is a convenient shorthand for my gender most of the time. I'm just feeling really touched.
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Interestingly, the more I've felt comfortable leaning into more femme/female gender presentation, the less comfortable I am with she/her pronouns. When I dressed more butch and had an undercut I was fine with she/her. but now I'm wearing padded bras and flouncy skirts, seeing myself be referred to as "she" feels almost grating.
Maybe it just comes down to the idea that I need *something* to remind myself or others that gender is fake, especially mine. I thought maybe I was just settling into cis+ or something but looks like maybe not.
I have spent my life drenched in and in tension against conservative, "traditional" gender roles. I rejected femininity and became a tomboy the second I was able to (which was pretty damn early, given my mother's own tomboyishness), constantly decried the idea that I would just "stay home and have a family". I wore boys' clothes and made friends with boys and felt as though other girls were a strange and alien culture, both confusing and uninteresting to me. (much could be debated re: my latent queerness and neurodivergency for producing this feeling, but nonetheless, it was what it was.)
I find it incredibly fascinating that as I step away from my previous religion and continue to divest myself of old ways of thinking, I am incredibly drawn to female goddesses of home and family: Frigg, Hestia, etc. I find myself wanting to craft and cook and "tend to the hearth fires" so much more now that it turns out I'm no longer expected to do so. Now that I don't have anything to prove about my competence and importance as a person, I suddenly find myself wanting to explore femininity and "feminine energy".
It's like those posts about trans girls always say: why claim femininity if it isn't fun? Why keep it if it's a burden?
I feel like now that I've freed myself of the "burden" of femininity, I can finally explore the fun parts of it at my own leisure.
may I propose: gendventures
Ooooo. Not bad, not bad