My chest jumped as the emotions swirled with the misty breaths fogging her mask. Streaks of fire burned my cheeks, unable to hide behind my mask. Each new wave a hot trail of agony as a hand shakily reached out. I lightly brushed her golden hair aside from her forehead. The flames of despair and regret burned brighter than the pains I felt, a deep emptiness filling my heart as the sentiments raged past the seams. Breathing hitched and knees buckling, I fell by her bedside, metal fingers tightly holding her limp one in desperation.

“Angela? Angela, can you hear me?” I choked out. I winced at the pain in my chest, cursing at the bullet wounds I received, and wheezed before trying to calm my myself. She was alright. She’s Angela. My dear Angela...

I still owe you dinner. Please don’t do this to me now.

Warm tears dripped onto her fingers and I quickly wiped it away with my other hand, only to freeze and stare at the crimson tinting it. I stifled a sob, pushing the pain of seeing a lifeless Angela away, as I looked down onto my chest. The green hospital shirt was stained with my blood, the metallic smell spreading and nearly dying the front a full dark red.

No, I breathed out. Fucking wounds, couldn’t you stay closed?

Grimacing, I gingerly swiped at my fallen tears with my metal thumb. Her name fell from my lips in soft whimpers as I pulled my body back away from her bed, unwilling to stain it – or her. My murmured voice spoke of sweet promises under my breaths as my vision started to distort, the painful yet beautiful sight of her blurring under a greying curtain. I forced my eyes open, pushing hard against the bandages that hid the surgical wounds while the blood continued escaping. I spoke of our future date, that I would bring her to an exquisite restaurant, possibly high up in the sky, because an angel like her deserves only the best the sky could offer, like a vast expanse to anywhere her freedom so desired. Through the entrance, past the short water wall with clear transparent water falling like a curtain would bring about a zen-like feel, so that she may feel at peace. I’d then lead her to a table made private with the bamboo separators, near the large open windows where she could watch the night sky sprinkled with stars hopefully visible despite the light pollution. There would be a different kind of serenity as potted plants, though sparse, decorated the place, with her smiles and laughter the best event of the night.  

“Of course... I wouldn’t... forget the Swiss... chocolate... too.”

......

...

“I found him! He’s in here!” A nurse called out frantically as the ajar door was flung open in panic. Light footsteps entered the room, rushing towards the fallen patient on the floor, blood slowly seeping out from his clothes.

“Hurry and prepare the operating room!” A doctor yelled as he picked up the half-cyborg, half-human man with a grunt and carefully settled him on the wheeled stretcher that a nurse brought in. “Get someone to clean the mess up too!”

“Yes, doctor!”

The nurses ran to get the corresponding tasks done. Even though they looked kind of helter-skelter, there was a certain method to their chaos. One checked Angela’s vitals, searching for anything amiss while those by their station hurried to prepare the documents the doctor on surgery would need.

A nurse carrying a bucket of soapy water, bleach and a rag dragged her feet into the room, cursing inwardly at having to do the dirty work just because she was the newest and youngest of the group stationed today. When she walked through the door, she was startled at the ginger haired doctor already standing beside the unconscious patient.

“Oh? Who are you?”

“I’m new,” the doctor replied nonchalantly without even looking up from the papers in her hand.

‘Then they should have given the cleaning for you to do,’ the young nurse grumbled internally as she fell to her knees by the puddle of blood, noticing the lack of wrinkles of the new doctor and thinking that she was rather young. “Seriously, why can’t that patient just sit still,” she complained while scrubbing the floor. “No one should even be able to move after surgery!”

“Don’t you know who that patient was?” The ginger nurse calmly checked the machines Angela was hooked up to. Her bright auburn hair fell to cover the dark glint in her eyes as she looked down to inspect the mask.

“No,” the nurse on the floor grunted, wringing the rag in the bucket beside her. “Some lovesick man looking for Doctor Ziegler?” She scoffed.

Yes. They all knew of Doctor Angela Ziegler, a talent in their industry. Read her academic journals and findings with nanobiology and her work on cybernetics. They were surprised when the beautiful, well-known doctor turned up by the hospital, and even more shocked when they found out it was related to the hotel scare that happened not long ago.

“That was, I believe, Genji Shimada.” The older nurse wrote some data on the paper on her clipboard, her dual coloured pupils turning sharp. “The first successful experiment of Doctor Ziegler. Rumours has it that she saved him from the brink of death.”

“Wait, he’s the robotic guy?”

“More like a cyborg.”

“Ugh,” the younger nurse groaned as she finished scrubbing the blood away. Thankfully it was still fresh. “Yeah and? He can’t possibly be experiencing the Florence Nightingale effect? He looks so ugly.”

The ginger nurse didn’t bother chiding her for the insult. Not all nurses were after all, compassionate. Or lawful. “It doesn’t matter what we think. Stop being gossipy. Go back to work.”

“Alright, alright,” and the younger nurse left after finishing her task.

When she was sure that the younger nurse left, the older nurse turned back to stare at Angela’s face. The blonde’s features were twitching in pain, brows tight and nearly touching, while sweat covered her pores.

“Poor, poor Doctor Ziegler,” the only other person in the room cooed flatly, resting a hand on her hip. “What mess did you get yourself into now?”

The doctor flipped a page on her clipboard with a thoughtful hum. Details of Angela’s last hospital visit was recorded, noting the concussion and injury on the brain, and the blood loss that occurred. Looking at the date, as she calculated the weeks, she found that it was roughly 18 weeks ago.

“Ah, and you still haven’t fully recovered your memories? Well, it’s no surprise. These quack doctors telling you that you'll remember and recover in a short time.” The nurse rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath. “Your body is already functioning different from ordinary humans, with your applied nanobiology. Of course, you wouldn’t fully recover.” She proceeded to put the clipboard by the bedside table, her hands then hovering above Angela’s forehead. “They can’t. But I can.”

~*~*~

A heavy feeling weighed on my mind, a looming presence drifting closer to me in the vast darkness. My heart raced faster at the mere knowledge that something was there, yet I couldn’t see it, nor did it make a sound. A ghostly apparition making its way to me and I scrambled back. If it was the Grim Reaper or a convoy to hell, I wouldn’t want to know. Not now. I don’t want to go.

A sharp pain in my chest jerk my attention towards it, but as I looked down, I saw nothing but a fair bare-chested torso. Shaky hands slowly flitted over my skin, running across the perfect unblemished skin, across the ridges of my still existing abs, feeling the narrow waist and defined hips, made of flesh and not metal. Human-looking skin, back to when I was still the young clan heir of the Shimada, back to the time before my older brother cut me up, destroy my limbs, when I lived a carefree life without another care in the world, just me, myself and I (and the ladies of course). A disgruntled groan rolled off my tongue when a slow, burning pain dragged itself across my chest, before periodic stabs hooked itself onto my flesh. Resisting the urge to cry out, I fell to my knees, painfully aware that the unknown presence still watched me with a penetrating gaze. I looked down onto my chest, confused as I writhe in pain, at the lack of cuts or puncture marks. They felt so real, too real to be a vivid dream.

This was real. It’s happening.

“Argh…”

Desperate fingers clawed and clutched at my chest, but the useless attempts at easing the pain never subsided, not even when I allowed the darkness to swallow me whole once more, all the while that eerie pair of eyes watched me unendingly.

……

…

A blinding light engulfed my sights when my eyes flew open with a desperate gasp for air. My eyes were dry, that much I could tell as they squinted at the bare contact with the air and wished they were hiding behind their protectors. Groaning, I tried to get myself to sit up with my elbows. I had barely succeeded with lifting my body a mere inch off the bed when a calloused hand stopped me by the shoulders, and when I struggled, the person simply forced me back down onto the bed with a push.

“The fuck…?”

“You should stay in bed, love.”

“Lena?” I groggily turned my head to my right, faintly making out a petite woman munching on peeled, cut apples. Sunlight was lighting up the outline of the curtained window behind her. She held some apples out to me, the smell of fresh, juicy apples sneaking into my senses.

If Lena’s here, then…

“Yo,” Jesse grinned lopsidedly at me.

I groaned.

“If I didn’t know better, I would think you didn’t want us to visit you,” Jesse mock pouted. “Do you not want us anymore? Sob.”

Lena rolled her eyes at the cowboy’s drama as she proceeded to slowly feed me the apples that I gratefully nibbled on. Not to my surprise, I couldn’t really move my arms or feet, much less feel my fingers. “You were out for a while after surgery, again.”

I sunk my head further into the pillows as another groan escaped. I stared at the opposite wall with half lidded eyes, memories of last night streaming through my mind. Her blonde hair matted against her forehead, covered in bandages, beautiful features scrunched up in pain that made my heart ache with her every twitch. She looked so weak, so… vulnerable. Her breaths slowly fogged the oxygen mask, the machines hooked up to her the only other indicator that she was still alive.

Was she even cleared of the poisons?

“If you’re worried about Doctor Ziegler, she’s all right. I’ve asked the nurses. She’s not poisoned either. She’s just hurt her head really badly this time,” Lena explained upon noticing the tight furrows of my eyebrows.

I tilted my head to look at her, a frown setting upon my lips with my brows furrowing even tighter. Hurting her head really bad this time? …That was my fault.

If only I had been more careful when I had pushed her out of harm’s way, if only my foot hadn’t shocked itself when I twisted around, causing me to fall and stumble.

Lena watched as her bedridden friend squeezed his eyes shut, that scarred countenance twisted into such pain. She glanced over at Jesse, a silent tacit understanding communicating between the two. How were they to help? Words were meaningless, no matter how well they meant them, because before they could help, Genji had to allow them to work first, to accept their words, their help. Everything in life, was always a choice after all. And for now, if he chose to wallow in pain, they'll let him. Just for a little while.

She could only reach out a hand and pat his head, caressing it gently, ignoring the glistening wetness that stubbornly formed beneath his lashes. Seeing him like this made her heart ache. She missed the Genji that would crack jokes with her, the one she could tease and laugh with. This… this was just too painful.

I… I hadn’t known how much time had passed. The sunlight was no longer trying to peek through the curtains and my two friends were already long gone, leaving me alone to the silence of the night. And my thoughts. Thoughts that kept wandering back to…

I sighed.

Flexing my fingers, I felt the blood swimming through my veins as the sensation of touch returned. Slowly, I observed my body from within, sensing out the changes that occurred. To no surprise, my cyborg self was still breaking down, but not as bad to the point where I would no longer function properly. With a deep breath, I tried to then get up, only to realise the futility of my situation when I had to bite at my bottom lip to keep from crying out. Sharp pain speared through my torso and my left foot, realising then that lower limb was bent weirdly from the shape beneath the blankets. It couldn’t properly straighten, dangling at an angle to the side, as though broken. My expression darkened. I suspected that it would take at least half a year before I break down completely at this rate. Then glancing down, I lifted up the neckline of the shirt to stare at the bandages wrapped around my torso, remembering the bullets that were lodged there from the mission.

Once again, I sighed.

What am I to do now?

I didn’t have the mood to play with my phone, no mood to watch the muted television in front of me. All the television spoke off was about a man that had gone missing for over a week now and still not found, only really taking notice when I realised that his build was similar to Slade’s.

I laid there motionless, imagining that I was a corpse (I wasn’t that far off from one anyway), and just counted the seconds as they passed. Time seemed to congeal at that moment, its passing lost in my mind. A slow road to recovery.

At 9pm, my door clicked open as a nurse walked in. I immediately shut my eyes, pretending now to be asleep, listening intently on the sounds of her footsteps. I heard the relief in her released breath when the steps neared my bed (was I truly that frightening to ‘normal’ humans?), and I felt her presence by my IV drip. The tinkering of metal and crinkling of plastic drifted into my ears while she replaced the bag, until her voice joined as well.  

“So many scars...” she muttered. “Why did Doctor Ziegler save someone like you?”

I resisted the urge to move, to roll onto my side and peek my eyes open. Yeah. Just why indeed did she save me? Was it her instincts as a doctor to not let anyone die? Or did she want to try her hand at saving a life that was on the brink of death?

The sounds stopped, but I knew the nurse was still there. Her breathing was soft, and I felt her stare scrutinising my every scar laid bare.

“And why did you go and see her? Can’t really be the Florence Nightingale effect could it?” A pause. “Ugh, whatever. He's not even handsome. Not reaally my type.”

Her footsteps eventually died as she left the room, closing the door behind her with a click.

‘Who the fuck cares if I’m your type?’

When I was sure she left, I opted to turn my head to the side, staring at the ends of the curtain dangling motionless. A bitter smile played off my lips. Handsome, was it? I used to be. Not anymore.

Just like how no one wanted me.

Closing my eyes, I released the pent-up frustrations, the sadness, in one deep long sigh.

No one.

It was bright when I woke up the next day, just in time to see a male doctor standing by the foot of the bed and checking the clipboard detailing my condition.

As though sensing that I was awake, the doctor looked up and smiled despite my silence. “Good afternoon. I'm guessing you slept well?”

I nodded mutely.

“Good, good. Any discomfort anywhere?”

I shook my head. A blatant lie.

He came over to my side while the nurse carefully lifted up my shirt to change my bandages, silently observing as she did. His eyes trailed over the markings of past battles and the surgical marks he created, checking that the sutures were properly in place, before taking a step back. “The second surgery was a success, though I’ll advise for you to not move until the wounds are closed. As much as I’ve helped you remove the bullet wounds, I couldn’t fix the cyberised parts of your body.”

My eyebrows darted up high to my hairline. He could tell?

Seeing my reaction, the doctor continued, although albeit embarrassed, “I'm a huge fan of Doctor Ziegler’s work and have read on her works regarding applied nanobiology and cybernetics. When we found you in her room, I thought you were most likely one of her projects that she worked on.”

His words zoned out in my mind, falling onto deaf ears as I let the hope sizzle into ashes.

Projects? Hah... I guess that’s all I was.

I finally turned to lay on my side as the doctor continued rambling on. I refused to look at him any longer. A glance was enough to imprint his lustrous black locks in my mind, the bangs swept back in a nice fashionable gel, and his bright blue eyes lighting up at the mention of the famous Doctor Ziegler. Tall and slim, well built. A young, charismatic, handsome man.

More handsome than me. And most definitely not a project.

‘Stop it, Genji.’

‘It's true. I'm ugly. I'm a monster.’

‘You fucking idiot. Stop. If you miss her so much, go and see her. Better than this self-pity party you’re not inviting her to.’

I bitterly chuckled. What more could I actually say? Anyone, anyone would be a better fit for her than me. Glancing at the embarrassed doctor from the doctor of my eye, I ignored him as he left the room. The hours passed, I ate what was given and didn’t get to see Jesse or Lena that day.

But when night came, I decided to hold onto the crazy end of my mind and meet her. It was already a few days since the mission and us ending up at the hospital, and after the surgeries, my body seemed to somewhat hold up. I hope. Dragging my legs slowly with controlled breathing, deep pants to ease the pain, I stood up. A muted sharp cry escaped through gritted teeth as I dropped and stumbled. I glared down with a frown at my left foot that was evidently broken. The ankle part was broken, the limb twisted, where bottom of the foot was facing the left.

‘Fuck, just fuck.’ Gripping onto the sheets, I tried to stand again, only to wince and sink my teeth into my lips with a snarl. ‘This shit fucking hurts!’

In a haze of madness, I planted the foot with the sole furthest away on the floor, my leg bent weirdly. The metal bed frame creaked and dented under my grip, and in one clean move, crack! I forcibly twisted the foot back into place, causing disagreeing shocks to rampage in my nerves. My breathing grew haggard, coming out in short puffs as black spots attacked my already blurring vision. I tightened my grip in response. That shit hurt, really fucking hurt. But it was only metal, shattered bits and cracks of something that wasn’t alive in the first place, and when the first wave of pain was over, and I had control of my sight and breathing again, I tested the water once more.

I probably must have broken that pain nerves of that foot, over-shocked it into oblivion, because I could now stand on feet that actually looked normal. Slightly wobbly, but I could walk. Enough for me to crawl out of bed and stand, to quietly make my way through to the other side without the nurses on my tail. I looked fairly normal to outsiders, but internally, I was screaming. My chest would hurt at the slightest wrong move and if I went too fast, my breathing couldn't catch up.

Passing Jack’s room, my steps halted in hesitation. I bit the insides of my cheek, mind whirling with questions before choosing to move on.

A deep breath in to stabilise my emotions and I twisted the doorknob, silently pushing my IV pole in. The closing click of the door rang loudly in my ears, followed by the loud thumping of my heart as I watched wide eyed and mouth agape. Turning her attention away from the window, her profile was illuminated by the moonlight that was streaming into the unlit room, setting her golden locks ablaze. There was a large cotton gauze taped on her head and her vivid blue eyes seemed to twinkle a little brighter in the dark, lit up with utter joy. Joy? Me? Here?

“Genji!” She lifted a hand that was folded on her lap and waved. “You’re all right!”

“Mmm,” I hummed in acknowledgment.

My steps were slow but sure as I made my way to her side, dark eyes scanning every inch of her face for the smallest of signs that something was wrong, but when her grinning lips fell into a confused gape and her head slightly tilted, I felt my face split in half at the wide grin reaching ear to ear. “You’re okay,” I breathed out, resting a hand by her bed as I sat down on the empty chair.

“Yeah, I feel better.” She nodded resolutely, and a burden seemed to have lifted from my shoulders when I sat up straighter and let out a relieved sigh. “How are you feeling?”

“Haha,” I chuckled humourlessly. “As good as I can be. Doc already patched me up here.”

“Oh, that’s good...”

I reached out my hand, slowly like you would to not frighten an animal, and Angela stayed still, allowing my fingers to brush against the gauze. My sombre gaze dropped to find hers, still twinkling bright, looking up at me from beneath her lashes. A silence fell over us. Comfortable and peaceful, with the rhythms of our breathing the orchestra for the night.

My hand trailed down to her cheeks, the back of my fingers tracing her jawline before holding onto her chin. She shuddered under my fingertips as my thumb rubbed just below her bottom lip.

“Genji,” she called out while gripping my hand in hers. A panic inwardly rose when I caught her serious expression. Her cheeks were slightly pink and I froze in fear. The bliss I felt squeaked like a frightened mouse and turned tail. Was she going to ask me to leave? Did she want to chase me out? Wait, if she was, then she wouldn’t hold my hand.

“Y-Yes?”

A roll of her eyes. If she caught onto my nervousness, she never mentioned it. “When are you going to take me out for the dinner?”

I blinked slowly at her. Dinner? Dinner... oh, dinner. I gulped the nervous lump in my throat, feeling the warmth of her fingers covering mine. Our faces were still so close, her breaths fanning my lips. “When we’ve both recovered. I think we can have the dinner then.”

She beamed at me and I felt the tips of my ears go pink. “Sounds great! I can’t wait for it.”

I nodded in agreement.

My hand slowly left her face and I thought to settle back into the chair when she lightly tugged at my limb. “Angela?”

She said nothing, but when she tugged at my hand again, I let her pull me closer. My body was bent over her bed while she leaned nearer and lifted her other hand to caress my scars. Was she appalled by them? Did she find them ugly? My gaze darkened as I dropped my head, casting shadows over my eyes for fear she’d see the hopelessness and fear in them. She’s not the same Angela I once knew, yet she’s still fanned the flames of my love that I forcibly dimmed. It was the same face, the same smile, but the cafe owner Angela was like a new breath of fresh air. She was freer, happier. Maybe this was better, for her to not recover her memories. She was happy as Doctor Ziegler, but she was tied down and restricted. As cafe owner Angela, there was nothing to worry about except for the bills and customers, and she genuinely loved it there.

But then I felt it, the warm moisture of her lips upon the scar on my cheek. Frightened like a poor deer caught in the headlights, I froze at the contact. When she pulled back, I was too afraid to ask, to afraid to break the bubble she created. I closed my eyes as her lips peppered my face, on every scar that carved itself onto my skin, from my cheeks, to my forehead, before moving down to the long, deep one by my nose.

“I feel like you’re afraid, Genji...” she whispered softly, a trace melancholy tinting her voice. She too, didn’t dare ask him anything. Why he’d freeze at her touch, why’d he keep his distance. Had he not loved her?

“N-No, I'm not. I'm just...” I reluctantly pulled back and was I allowed to feel the slightest shred of disappointment when she didn’t stop me? I glanced into her questioning gaze, feeling utterly small at that very moment before dropping imine to my lap. “It’s just... aren’t you together with Jack?”

Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline in pure confusion. “What? Since when?”

I looked back at her, an eyebrow of my quirking up in similar confusion. “Aren’t you? Jack said –”

“What did he say,” her face twisted into a slight snarl when realisation dawned upon her. What more lies did Jack tell? What more did he keep from her?

Seeing her twitching in rage, my eyes flew wide open as I tried to explain, “No, no. He didn’t say that you were together, but he made it sound like it. So, I thought –"

“We’re not. We were never dating,” she glared at her hands. “He was only a close friend of mine, someone I trusted.”

I had caught onto that last word but didn’t have the chance to ask when she continued.

“He was just the only one there when I woke up in the hospital. I didn’t remember anything or know anyone, but he felt familiar, he was kind. Naturally I would be close to him.”

“Wait, hospital? You were in the hospital? When?” I straightened in my seat, a sense of panic running through me. I hadn’t heard anything of that sort!

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Yeah, hospital. About a little over four months ago? I woke up in a hospital and he was the only one by my side. Wait, he never told you?”

I bitterly shook my head. “No.” Of course, he didn’t. But I didn’t wish to dwell on it any further, because at the very least, the biggest misunderstanding was cleared.

She watched him visibly relax and the anger diffused as well. Misunderstandings could always be talked through at a later time. Calling out his name softly, she beckoned for him to come closer.

“Huh?”

“I’m not done. Come here.” She grinned.

My eyes widened as a blush crept along my neck and onto my cheeks upon realising what she meant. Lips parted to question her, but I crumbled at the stern, slightly narrowed glare. I obediently leaned forward.

“Do you hate your scars a lot?”

I closed my eyes as she took my face in her hands, tracing the scars on my face as she lightly pecked each one. “Mhmm...”

“Why though?” she pulled back slightly when she was sure she kissed every one of them. “Do they still hurt?”

I shook my head. “They’re ugly.”

“Really?” She forced my gaze to hold hers. I could only bitterly smile when I saw her beautiful countenance up close, thinking that I'll never be able to stand next to her. “I think...” she murmured, a finger grazing the deep cut across my face, “that the strongest souls emerged from suffering.”

Before I could ask any further, her hands dropped after giving me a long, tender kiss on my forehead. “You’re fine the way you are, Genji.”

It was odd indeed. When she had awoken, she found that she remembered of some memories of her past, especially of those when she was recruited into Overwatch. She recalled the events that had transpired and of the related people. They were coming to her in waves and didn’t hurt one bit, like a scene of a drama that was playing, only that it happened in her head and not on a screen.

My heart felt warm and fuzzy at her words, and a smile blossomed on my face. “Thank you, Angela.”

She returned my smile and then we descended into silence once more. I stared at her, watching her comb her hair with her fingers as she leaned against the bedframe.

“You know, I think they should have kirsch in the hospital,” she grumbled lightly under her breath, breaking the silence. “I'm suddenly craving for my special coffee.”

A peal of joyful laughter burst out from my chest. “I'm pretty sure alcohol isn’t allowed in hospitals.” Her bottom lip jutted out into a pout and I leaned over to pat her head, gazing deeply into her eyes. “I'll order you one for our dinner. Sounds good?”

“Mhmm, it does.”

And just like that, we spoke into the night, speaking of random ordinary topics of food and drinks, more specifically the coffee. She had laid down on her side at some point, eyes fighting to stay awake, her lashes constantly fluttering softly. I continued whispering of pleasant scenarios to her, of stargazing in an empty meadow, of trying macaroons on the Eiffel Tower, of strolling under the Sakura trees in Hanamura... up until her eyes remained closed and her breathing grew heavy. They were pleasant to her, but bittersweet to me. Why did I have to say those words? I was already leaving. I shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up.

‘But I hoped she would not forget me. That I'm not just someone passing in her life.’

The days and nights passed like that, and as I was recovering, I’d constantly drop by her room in the dead of the night with a rose I’d find in the hospital gardens. Her laughter in the hospital gave me the joy and willpower to simply not run away from it, and I hadn’t seen Jack either; He was already discharged long ago. And I supposed it was a struck of fate that we could be discharged together too.

If my calculations were right, it was already 5 months since her incident in the hospital. So many changes in such a short time. She was back to her cafe and I returned to the bureau to report myself.

I stood outside Jack’s office, back in the comfort of my suit, fingering the letter in my hands.

“Come in,” Jack called, and I entered.

I ignored my shaky movements, trying to look as natural as possible, but there was something lodged in my knees, blocking it from bending properly. There was a drag in my arms as I tried to move my elbows. Slowly. It would be my end.

“Genji, how are you?”

I could tell that Jack was trying to maintain his professionalism, from his flat tone and steady gaze, yet his interlaced fingers betrayed his emotions. They were tightly bound, shoulder muscles tensed. His eyes dropped to the envelope in my hand.

“I'm good, commander. I'm also here to hand in my resignation.”

Taken aback, his fingers slowly unlaced themselves, reluctantly receiving the letter from my outstretched hand. “R-Resignation?” He parroted Genji as though he couldn’t believe his ears.

I firmly nodded. “I would like to quit.”

“B-But...” Jack stopped himself there. What right did he have to go question an old friend’s motives? His own motives were already questionable enough. He stared into Genji’s eyes that were steady and unyielding, and he sighed. Settling the envelope on the table, he rubbed at his temples. “Alright. Take care, Genji.” Just like that, Genji Shimada was unemployed. No more words were said

I nodded my head, pausing in my spot. As though he sensed my intentions, Jack lifted his head to gaze sadly at me. His lips were pressed into a thin line, eyebrows curved in reluctance.

“Where will you go?”

My hopes dashed at his words. Biting back the irritation in my voice, I replied, “Not sure. Maybe I'll go find Zen.”

“But Angela...?”

I shook my head, choosing not to respond. “Thank you for everything you've done for me so far, commander.”

Jack waved it off. “I'm no longer your commander. Just call me Jack.”

“Jack,” I tested the words on my tongue, feeling somehow bittersweet. It was an unspoken promise between friends, yet an invisible boundary of separation. “I wish you the best, Jack.”

“Same to you, Genji.”

I turned and left the office, the unpleasant taste of regret and broken hopes drifting heavily in the air. “Goodbye, Gabriel,” I said when I noticed the tall dark man standing by the door to Jack’s office. “Thank you for everything in the last years.” For taking care of me, for the laughter you’ve given.

Gabriel’s face twisted into an embarrassed scowl as a thick heavy hand ruffled my hair. “You're really going to leave?” He asked, having overheard.

“Yes, I think it's time to relax. I'll go and find Zen, perhaps.”

He nodded sadly. “Take care of yourself.”

“I'm not leaving yet. I plan to lounge around before I do.”

“Sounds good.”

A foot was lifted, ready to leave when I turned around to find him staring after me with a sombre gaze. “Can I give you a hug before I go?” I’d always remember my times in Blackwatch and how he’d always took care of Jesse and I (the other man was the troublemaker. I'm innocent). Wish I told him before, but this man was more of a father than Sojiro ever was.

Gabriel scoffed and rolled his eyes, but it couldn't contain the trace of joy that shone through. “Come ‘ere.”

I chuckled and squeezed the bigger man tight, hopefully conveying all I never said with that. Angela’s condition made me realise how short life could be, that anything would happen, yet I couldn't bear to stay because of that exact reason. I didn't want them to despair when they found out of my condition, and (I glanced at Jack in his office as I hugged Gabriel) I didn't want to expose Jack for what he's done. That was the last bit of mercy that I could give him.

“Take care, Genji.” Gabriel patted my back, watching until I turned around the corridor. The smile on his face dropped as he turned into Jack's office and locked the door behind him. “What's going to happen now? Our best spy and infiltrator just left.”

He didn't have the heart to hold him back and things were dire. The situation was a lot worse than they thought, yet he didn’t want to burden one of his best men (son) with it.

Jack groaned and massaged his temples. “What more can I do? I'll figure out a way. Don't worry.”

Gabriel pursed his lips.

They had found out that the Slade they captured was a fake, a decoy, which explained the sheer madness of the man in trying to bury himself along with them. Their intel was insufficient, lacking, when the news of Slade having a twin brother surfaced, and this was only because the same man had gone missing from his office a week before the mission. Even he hadn't known that his older brother was knee deep into the operations as an underground drug ring leader. The twin brother had gone mad from the drugs administered into him and was now lying unconscious on the bureau's medical bed slowly recovering. He was also our best bet at capturing the real Slade.

“I'll be fine, Gabe. Trust me.”

And that was all Gabriel could bet on.

 ~*~*~

 “Angela!”

The blonde laughed as the smaller Asian woman pounced into her arms and gave the biggest bear hug possible. “Hi, Mei!”

“I'm sorry that you had to tend to the cafe by yourself.”

“It’s okay. I'm happy to do it if it lets you recover properly.” Mei was overjoyed in seeing her friend in one piece. When Jack had thought that the cafe owner would stay put in the cafe, he had assigned for Mei to remain back to protect Angela, but who’d have thought that their sweet, strict (independent) Mercy would rather rush head on into danger instead?

Angela got right into work, greeting each colleague as she got herself ready to work, having already been updated on the cafe affairs when Mei had come to visit. She was cleared on her head injury when the doctors observed no abnormalities in her.

Mei noticed the little skip in her friend’s steps, the cheerful tune as she hummed. “Did something good happen?” she giggled.

Angela avoided Mei’s teasing gaze while focusing on putting the empty tray back on the counter. “It's nothing.”

Mei laughed heartily, arranging the food in the display nicely. “Sure, sure. I guess your blush means nothing.”

Ignoring her friend, Angela decided to instead busy herself with the counter. Mei turned back to her tasks, happier than when she first started. Something seemed different with Angela today, something that was there before separating the two was not there anymore.

After a moment, Mei heard Angela exclaim in confusion. “What's wrong?”

There were sounds of paper crinkling as Angela removed the bag from under the counter.

“Oh, the bag Genji left.” She peered over. “What’s in it?”

“I'm not sure,” Angela frowned at the slightly heavy weight. “I'm going to take a quick break.” Straightening herself, she retreated into the kitchen, away from prying customer eyes to look. The cooks were busy cooking up a storm, sparing only a simple greeting before returning to work.

She was curious. Why would he leave a bag like this here? Why hadn't he taken it back? A hand entered the bag’s mouth and she felt the hardness of paper on her fingertips. Gripping it securely, she pulled it out, the plain unadorned ivory book cover appearing before her eyes. The words [花笑み] were written in gold calligraphy, below it the romaji [Hanaemi]. The book wasn’t thick, probably just about an inch in thickness, and it had contrasting covers; ivory for the front and black for the back. [切ない] were the words brushed in gold upon the back cover, with [Setsunai] written below it; A similar yet contrasting design to the front. With her curiousity piqued further, she turned back to the front page and opened the book.

[A smile as beautiful as blooming flowers.]

There was only that one sentence written on the page. Yes, written. Her fingers traced the words, feeling the bumps as she did. She was certain, this was handwritten. When she turned the page, the story then began.

It spoke of the beautiful smile a certain woman had, detailing of her small quirks that she had. How she loved drinking kirsch in her coffee, the way her nose would scrunch, and her eyes would drift up when she pondered on something.

She found her lips tugging into a smile as she continued to read, this time turning into a random page. The book had then gone to describing a scene, one that somehow struck familiar. It spoke of how the woman had dressed up as a witch during Halloween, down to even having black pointy hat. That night during Halloween, the Overwatch team had celebrated with spooky food and drinks, and of course, trying to beat each other with the biggest loot of candy. It further detailed the event, of how Jesse the dressed as Van Helsing had gotten drunk, and how Mei, dressed as the Chinese zombie, was trying to scare the living daylights out of said drunk Jesse, and essentially how happy everyone was.

It was this particular part that struck her odd. Because this happened to be one of the few memories she recently remembered.

A weird thought crossed her mind.

Turning the book over, she stared at the calligraphy that painted the dark cover before turning to the first page. There, written like the first page on the front, was a lone sentence: [A bittersweet feeling, painful yet wistful.]

On the next page, was a sombre tone setting the book. It wasn’t much like a memoir of what she read earlier but a narration like an actual story.

 ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

 Dear reader, I wish I could tell you that it ends well.

That I found her after two weeks, that nothing had actually happened to her, that it was just a simple misunderstanding. Perhaps, she had gone on an impromptu trip to the Arctic to see the penguins and polar bears, to be surrounded by all the fluff and majestic wonders of life in the ice and snow, doing all that research and contemplating on medical magic like she normally would.

Because last night, I dreamt that I woke up after lying asleep on her lap — one of my favourite moments in life. I closed my eyes and drew in a lung full of air, letting out a contented sigh. I focused on her fingers in my hair, the sound of paper rustling and smelled the alcoholic coffee wafting in the room. A few minutes stretched out like an eternity, a blissful eternity. Outside the room, the pitter patter of rain began to fall.

“Oh, it’s raining.” A whisper barely audible tickling my ears.

“Mmm, it would seem like it is.”

There was silence when she spoke again. “If I recall, it was raining when I found you too.”

My body stiffened at her words and my eyes finally cracked open, falling first on the ever-present smile, and I instinctively relaxed. “Yeah, it was raining just like this at that time.”

She hummed and went back to her book, and I went back to enjoying her warmth. These moments were just short intermissions from the daily hecticness of our lives, but it was all we needed at times.

“I’m glad that I did though.”

“Huh?” My eyes flew open.

She peeked over her book, her gaze glinting in amusement from behind the glasses. “It allowed me to meet you.”

I shifted on her lap so that I fully faced her, and I chuckled when she jumped at my hand touching her cheek. With her attention stolen from the book, I gazed at her as the world around me fall away.

I vividly remember my lips parting as I wanted to tell her — tell her things that I left unsaid, but when I saw the dull white ceiling of my single bedroom dormitory, I was slapped in the face, back into the harsh reality; That I still haven’t seen her in the past two weeks, of neither hide nor hair. Not even my calls or texts were going through. I initially thought that she hadn’t texted me in that week I was away because she hadn’t wanted to disturb me during the mission, but even two weeks later? It’s been a long time… And the worst is not even seeing her in the office.

 ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

 With shaky hands, Angela finally lifted her head from the book, sinking her teeth onto her bottom lip. What that from Genji’s point of view? There was a trace of sadness in those blue eyes of hers when she thought of how the poor man must have been lonely, and adding onto her attitude weeks ago, gods, she couldn’t even fathom how he didn’t hate her yet. A deep breath in, and she tried to steady her emotions, forcing the tears to disappear and her heart to slow.

Carefully bending the book, she lightly flipped the pages open, seeing the rush of blurred words – handwritten words – dance, when it suddenly hitched and stopped. Confused, she opened the book at the page it stopped at, picking up the hidden bookmark that was left inside. The bookmark was unique; A dried and flattened red rose that had lost its lustre was laminated and cut into a rectangular bookmark, with a golden ribbon tied at the end. She lifted it up to peer at it closer when she realised the uneven marks in the transparent film. They looked a lot like dried glue. Turning the bookmark over, she traced its cut edges as an indescribable feeling started to churn in her stomach. It was handmade, done with the use of clear glue stick and a pair of transparent film paper. She guessed that the dried roses were placed in between the transparent films after he applied a large section of glue, where he then constantly flattened it and allowed it to dry before actually cutting it up.

She thought that the surprises were over, intending to put the bookmark back, when her eyes caught sight the words written on the open pages. She was drawn in, like a curious cat to a box.

 ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

 Dear Angela,

There were many things that I wished I could tell you, but I don’t know where to start.

When we first met, I was broken, more than any person should possibly be, and you saved me. You gave me grace and patience, kindness and care, even though all I ever gave you then was unresolved anger and despair. You could have given up on me, but you didn’t.

Now, after years of silently loving you, if I had to choose one thing to say, it was ‘Thank You’. I believe I never told you that enough, never shown you that enough.

Thank you.

You are the reason for my every smile and is the reason for the beauty in my world. You are my joy, my angel, the purest person in my heart. And falling in love with you, was the best choice of my life, even if it was never my choice to make. I hadn’t chosen to fall in love with you, I could not control it. Your smile, your personality, everything about you made it impossible for me to simply do anything else. And each day, I found myself falling ever more in love with you.

Thank you.

And I hope that now, you find your happiness, Angela.

Because…

 When spring comes again,

I only have one wish, that

You’ll remember me.

She had done some research and asked a bit into his past when she heard about her assignment. Apparently, he was supposed to be the heir of a corporation or something of the sort in the old world. Judging from his physique, mannerism, and appearance, he was probably well-suited for the task. Yet, he was here instead.

There were many reasons that a person might travel to the new world. To experience new adventures. To taste new foods. To gain riches and fame. To escape the monotony and history of the old world. Perhaps even to escape crime. After all, in the new world, everyone was treated the same before the eyes of the great monsters that roamed the land.

Angela took a long look at Genji’s back, his longsword sheathed there as he walked tall and kept his attention on the path in front of him. The Commission had kindly marked the areas where they would generally find the Kestodons, meaning they wouldn’t have to wander too far nor risk running into a big monster they weren’t prepared to fight.

Her gaze snapped from the clear blue sky to the raised hand in front of her as Genji motioned for them to stop. He knelt down, touching the evident footprint in their path with his fingers as he frowned. Kestodons didn’t leave footprints generally, not ones like these anyway. As his Handler, she knew exactly what they were looking at.

“It’s old … I hope it’s wandered far away by now. Let’s hurry a bit then, we don’t want to bump into that thing even on accident.”

Angela nodded, her lips set in the firm line as she adjusted her backpack slightly before continuing to follow behind him. She afforded a small smile as she watched his cat wandered off, happily gathering some herbs in its cute little sack before bouncing back toward its meowster.

A soft delighted gasp came from her lips as they finally arrived at their destination, her eyes wide as she gazed out at the beach before them. Genji looked back at her for a moment, a gaze that lingered unnoticed by the woman, before unsheathing his sword as he approached the Kestodon herd on the shore.

Her eyes moved down once more, watching as he approached the herd carefully. When he struck, it was with a quick stab followed by a wide slash that allowed him to repositioned himself. Angela found her eyes unable to leave him even as he slaughtered the herbivores, tracing his graceful movements and occasionally catching his unwavering gaze as he fought. She had seen him in action before they even came out here, though only in training. However, actually watching him at work was quite different.

There was an aura around him that spoke of confidence and skill. As much as she studied to assist him and other hunters in the new world, she felt … useless. He knew as much as she did. If he didn’t, he was more than willing to ask the field team leader or other hunters for their knowledge and experience. In short, she has just been tagging along and doing paperwork. She didn’t mind that particularly, it was just …

Genji sheathed his sword, glowing with the second level of power gained from all the energy and momentum he had gathered during his fight with the Kestodons. By his count, their work was done for the day. There was a cat by his leg looking up at him, with eyes that made him relent with a small smile that he purposefully hid from the woman up on the hill as he petted the small companion. Ever helpful as always, it tilted its head at him as it offered him a small Vigorwasp it had caught nearby. A shake of his head had the cat putting the creature away once more before turning around swiftly, a panic meow coming from its throat as it looked up the hill.

Angela was caught by surprise as she found her eyes meeting his after letting her mind wander with all the thoughts she had. She mustered a smile and moved to wave at the hunter finished with his task before realizing that the expression on his face meant something was very wrong.

In fact, was she always standing in front of a bush large enough to cast such a big shadow?

“Angela!”

By the time she had turned her head around, Angela couldn’t move as she was forced to cover her ears at the roar of the monster directly behind her. Genji was sprinting at her, conserving energy with his weapon sheathed. As soon as he came close enough, he drew the blade from its sheath into an attack, hoping to divert the monster’s attention.

They had seen the Great Jagras once before during their expedition to hunt Jagrases. However, they had been with an experienced field member and learned to hide in a bush. They knew not what it was capable of nor were they prepared for the actual size of the monster. Now, they had little options but to fight.

Angela quickly moved out of his way, looking around for a way to escape or something to help him. Genji only spared her a single glance before focusing on the monster, his lips set in a firm line. They knew that they would have to face the beast sooner or later. However, they were hoping to at least stock up on potions and maybe craft some gear from the Kestodon hide before heading out. Yet here they were, fighting the first large monster of their hunter career.

The Great Chungus Jagras.

An evasive roll brought him out of the way of the first attack, allowing him to quickly slash at the monster’s side. He quickly snuck in another slash as the monster lumbered to turn toward him. The longsword thrust toward the monster’s face, though it was too high and Genji opted for the beast’s enlarged belly instead.

The monster’s right claw pulled back before swiping at the swordsman. However, he was already prepared, stepping back in a wide space before rushing forward with a slash that brought him under the beast’s claw and connecting with its belly. Then, he followed up with a spinning slash that ended with him sheathing his blade, making Angela glare at him.

“Stop being edgy for two whole seconds and ju- Watch out!”

Genji immediately rolled away from the monster, alas still getting struck by the claw attack coming from behind him. He was flung a small distance, rolling on his side before propping himself to get up despite the blood on his back.

He gritted his teeth as he looked up at the looming shadow of the Great Jagras, which had reared up and ready to flatten him with his enormous stomach. If he got hit by that, he’d join the rest of the Kestodons in there. Perhaps this was karma for all those innocent herbivores he murdered.

A flask flew through the air, hitting the Great Jagras in the face. As it turned to look at the source of the green liquid projectile, Genji’s Palico swiftly ran to his side and offered him a Vigorwasp as he stood up.

Healed up once more, Genji let out a shout as he drew his blade, surging forward in a powerful thrust that launched him in the air. He saw the monster’s gaze toward the defenseless Handler in the near distance and knew that he had no chance to waste. Not after the one she already gave him.

The slash came down, carving cuts all along its trajectory. The Great Jagras let out another loud scream, forcing Genji and Angela to both cover their ears as they watched the monster run off. It didn’t look even remotely close to being near death but at the very least, they were safe now.

Genji stood there, blade in hand as he watched the monster run off. When he finally sheathed his sword, a loud sigh could be heard as he dropped himself onto the grass. Only to wince as the pain from his back flared up, not fully healed by the Vigorwasp.

Angela walked over slowly, eyes cast to the side in guilt. She stood there, fidgeting with her fingers as Genji stared at the sky. He finally looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “That’s a strange look on your face. I’m more used to your overly cheerful or annoyed expression. Frustrated even. Not that I’m saying I dislike this one.”

The glare came back on her expression, eliciting a smile from him as he turned his head to look up at the sky again. “If you feel guilty about what happened, don’t be. It’s not your fault that monster snuck up on you. I didn’t even notice it, despite being the hunter and the fact that it was enormous. Plus … You did save my life so. We’ll just call it even.”

Angela blinked at him, lips slightly agape as she tried to figure out a way to rebut his statements. However, she eventually sighed with a tender smile and nodded. “Fine then. Nothing changes. Though you did make me waste one of the health potions I worked so hard to make on the way here. You really should gather more materials while we walk, we’re not rich you know.”

Genji let out a small groan as he got up, walking down toward the beach to carve the few remains of the Kestodons that he had slain earlier. “Hai hai, Handler-chan. Wakarimashita. (Yes yes, Ms. Handler. Understood.).” When he was finished, Genji looked out at the beach before kneeling down, pulling out some gear from his backpack. Angela looked over from where she was standing, curious.

As he set up the BBQ pit, Genji glanced briefly over at the woman leaning curiously over his cooking site before pulling out some of the raw meat he had gotten earlier. “I figured it’d be nice to enjoy a meal in the nice scenery before we go back. Might as well use this meat I gathered while walking here, as you suggested.”

Angela looked at him for a moment before giggling, covering her lips with her hand before nodding. “Good~” With that, she took a seat and pulled out her notebook, looking around as she began to take some additional notes on the environment and the sea. Genji found himself gazing at her, hand moving so gracefully and at the soft texture of her hair which the sunlight glimmered off of.

“Kirei (Pretty).” He found himself saying before seeming to snap back from his thoughts and turned his head to the size, looking at the sea now as he idly turned the raw meat.

Angela’s writing froze, a red tint coming to her cheeks barely hidden by the glow of the setting sun in the distance. How was she supposed to tell him that she understood both times he had spoken in his native tongue now that he went and said that?

However, her dilemma was soon solved by an unfortunate scent. Angela let out a small yell as black smoke drifted in her direction. “Genji! The meat!”

With one burnt meat out of the way, Genji went off to get one more as he left the BBQ pit in her care to cook raw meat for herself. She watched as he grumpily walked away, smiling to herself as she looked back down at their picnic meal. She placed her right hand over her heart, wondering why it was still beating so loudly even after the Great Jagras was long gone.