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And another thing I've come to peace with is my multiple layers and lack of understanding of self. I mean the constant jumps in career choices, although I've cemented the college one, the fact that no one can truly describe me which I find is understandable as I have no true definition of myself. Not that I should, a personality type is one thing but not having a slot in societies usual norm is tough and very depressing. Maybe I'm just overreacting or holding myself to this complex form of social standards that do not make sense to me. Is my best friend my mind? Why do I crave soul-like connections and why don't I ever receive them. Whether in friendship or in love I'm always distrustful at first and then I fall, I fall and land on my head and die. The pain is soul-crushing, and yet my mind still wanders. Another thing I've understood is the literal physical pain, the anguish I feel when stressed, anxious and when another person goes through a tough situation. E.g when Lana was going through the drag of the media, was I the only one worried they were going to cancel her? I was truly worried, didn't sleep properly for two days, sounds crazy and stupid but true. I truly invest myself in things, loyal to a fault, typical virgo shit.