Chapter 45

“Hello.” The friendly voice came from Eugene’s left. He looked over just as a slim female form stepped out of the shadows. It was the abnormal psychology student he’d hired in the failed bid to replace Kiefer’s crew. 

“You? Haven’t you finished that thesis paper yet?” Eugene asked. 

“That? Yeah, like almost a year ago.” 

“What are you still doing here, then?”

 “I received a research grant to continue the study.”

 “Oh,” Eugene said. “Well, can you untie me, please?”

 “Umm, I really shouldn’t.” 

“What do you mean you shouldn’t?” 

“I don’t want to contaminate the study. It’s like anthropology—I need to stay hands-off.” 

“You’re joking.” 

“Oh, no. Do you have any idea how lucky I was to stumble onto a cult right at inception like this? Outsiders don’t usually learn about new cults until people have gone missing for a long time. This is a unique opportunity to track its evolution in real time, I don’t want to screw it up.” 

Eugene stood slack-jawed as the realization dawned that this girl was just as crazy as Kiefer.

Did he miss the part where the girl said that she’d been given a grant (aka money) to keep studying this? Do you know how many scientists would jump at the chance to do their dream study? The girl probably peed her pants with excitement when she was offered the grant. 

“Sorry for the delay, Felix. The entire planet had to go change pants.”

Chapter 45 summary: As I’m sure that you guessed, Eugene was able to wake up and get in touch with the right people. It was really down to the wire, though. But they managed to destroy the alien ship, so earth is safe for another day. 

I’m at the point where I think I would have preferred it if earth had actually been destroyed. 

Epilogue

“I’ll have a glass of red wine,” Allison said. 

“Water will be fine,” D’armic said. 

“Thirty-weight motor oil,” Magellan said.

 “I, um, don’t think we have—”

 “I meant it in jest, Administrator Graham.”

I can’t believe that I laughed a second time. 

“No.” D’armic’s smile grew until it engulfed his entire face. “I did not.”

Epilogue summary: All of the named humans plus D’armic meet up at Eugene’s house to celebrate the fact that the earth wasn’t destroyed. They know that the evil aliens are likely gearing up to come at them again. However, their case isn’t exactly made better by the council, who are basically sitting on their hands and being useless as fuck-all. 

But, that’s a story for another day. Which, BTW, I will not be reading. (Not like it was about that, according to the summary.) So the group sits down to eat, drink alien moonshine, and generally be merry. However, since there was zero character development, and barely any plot… I kind of don’t care and found even these last few pages to be a chore to get through.

Times laughed this chapter: 1

Chapter 43

“That’s wonderful, Felix, and we’ll celebrate properly later. But right now, I have to fly.”

Chapter 43 summary: Allison sent Felix back to the parked shuttle, for him to go back to either of the ships and send a message through their instant radio device. Apparently, none of the aliens have the same sort of technology… Which is something that the humans have been keeping quite close to their chest. 

But since the aliens don’t have this technology, there’s no way to stop the aliens from destroying earth. The literal only thing the humans can do is to warn everybody on earth to evacuate as many people as possible onto spaceships before the geocide happens. 

Chapter 44

Eugene waited impatiently for the elevator to reach the QER center basement level.

I literally forgot Eugene existed. That’s how important not only his character, but his character arc was for the story. (lol what character arc? He’s barely a character.)

“Yes, Dr. Kiefer said we were to remain standing out here for four days and four nights without sleep or food to prove our commitment.”

[...]

“So you’re telling me that you were ordered to stand in a hallway for four days by a crazy-haired man with an abacus around his neck?” 

“Yes, sir.”

[...]

The call disconnected, and Eugene spun around to run to the Unicycle’s sister machine. He was still spinning on his heel when he heard the pop. Before he knew what the sound was, a violent jolt of painful spasms erupted across the left side of his body. Muscles frozen, he fell to the floor with a mighty crash. 

In a moment of terror, Eugene realized he’d been tased. Unable to move a muscle, his head was fixed toward the far wall. To his horror, he saw the table that had previously been covered by a velvet sheet. Sitting on top of it, illuminated by the flicker of candles, was a sculpture that looked suspiciously like two fire extinguishers joined at the neck; a buoy idol. 

Oh, shit. They’ve gone off the deep end. 

Through the agony and spasms, Eugene heard the voice of the Keeper addressing his minions.

 “Gather round, my brothers, and bear witness to prophecy. Soon, we chosen few shall ascend the mountain to claim our reward. For, at long last, the Day of Due Consideration is at hand.” 

Eugene found enough strength to shout. “What the hell are you doing?”

I would like to remind everybody that they all wanted to replace this mentally ill person because… well. He was not quite well in the head to begin with. However, they determined that training somebody on the old instant radios was too much trouble. 

Now, this lunatic is going to let billions of people die and the human race mostly go extinct… Because of whatever the voice inside his head is telling him to do today. 

Sitting on top of it, illuminated by the flicker of candles, was a sculpture that looked suspiciously like two fire extinguishers joined at the neck; a buoy idol. 

Oh, shit. They’ve gone off the deep end. 

Through the agony and spasms, Eugene heard the voice of the Keeper addressing his minions.

 “Gather round, my brothers, and bear witness to prophecy. Soon, we chosen few shall ascend the mountain to claim our reward. For, at long last, the Day of Due Consideration is at hand.” 

I’d also like to point out: this is how you do a cult side-story. Please take note, James Dashner. (I was complaining the other day about how there’s not a cult subplot in Maze Runner, and it made the story really unbelievable. But then again, there’s also not a gay subplot either, and that’s even harder to believe.)

With well-rehearsed cues, Ja’kel’s toes signaled Grote to start walking toward the bridge of the largest warship in Assembly space.

Chapter 44 summary: Eugene goes to accept the message from Felix. Then he gets on the radio to talk with one of the military guys in charge about what they should do. The military guy is of the opinion that while they only have the one warship, they still have ground weaponry that they can shoot at the ship. 

However, after getting off the second call but before he can leave the room, Eugene is tased by the keeper of the radio, who has had a cult of the aliens going for a while now. The entire thing is unhinged, as I mentioned. 

Chapter 41

Felix threw his arms over his head. “But that’s even more ridic—” Flash!

Chapter 41 summary: They go to the alien planet, and are quickly joined by several other ships. D’armic managed to get them this far, and is quick to direct them to dock at a certain place, and that they’ll have to send some dignitaries to go talk to people. 

So they pick the humans that they want, and have to go through something akin to a TSA checkpoint. Except that they have to strip completely naked in order to do it. It sounds about as effective in stopping terrorists as our own TSA. That is to say… it’s a waste of everybody’s time and tax dollars. Then, they’re teleported to The Pillar. Whatever that is. 

Chapter 42

Felix threw his arms over his head. “But that’s even more ridic—” 

Flash! 

CHAPTER 42 

Flash! 

“—ulous than teleporting … a … Wow.”

Was this really fucking necessary?

“The facts are with us, Maximus Captain. We must trust the Assembly to see reason.”

Look me in the eye and tell me that you think that this is going to go well. 

“Trust politicians to see reason?”

You know it’s bad when even the book acknowledges that this isn’t going to go well. 

“Excuse me, but you’re sitting on my head.”

Chapter 42 summary: So they go to The Pillar. It’s basically a really tall building. Don’t worry about it. Despite how much time is spent on it, it’s really unimportant in the grand scheme of this book. This is followed by the most fucking tedious introduction of not only the individual aliens, but the different species as well. Again, despite how much time is spent on this… Literally do not worry about any of this. If it was important, he wouldn’t have thrown five billion different species at us within two pages. Ugh. 

Anyway, they finally begin the trial. As I’d expected, it’s a bit of a kangaroo court, where they’d already made up their minds long before the humans actually showed up. So I don’t know why they’d bother with the dog and pony show. The humans argue that it was rude of the aliens to have kidnapped those humans away from earth. And that they’re equally as on the hook for the pain and suffering caused. But the aliens are simply angry about what, to them, boils down to a fucking science experiment that’s been destroyed. They don’t seem to care about human lives… Or else they wouldn’t be sending the alien ship to earth to destroy it. Fucking pieces of shit they are. 

Chapter 39

The firefight ended in victory, but at a cost. Simmons was KIA after taking a pulse in the neck, leaving the assault shuttle short a pilot.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! 

This is the problem when you don’t bother to explore characters: when somebody dies, nobody gives a shit. 

“Yes, but how long until we wish he hadn’t?”

Chapter 39 summary: The aliens rush to the second in command to tell them about the destruction that the humans left in their wake. The newly appointed leader sits back and lets the humans escape, with D’armic in tow. However, it’s only after they’ve left the alien ship that the alien leader goes “it’s terrible all of the destruction that the humans caused. Nobody would blame us for having destroyed both of their ships!” 

Onboard Maggie, Allison is surprised to find that things are pretty calm. Billings tells her that when the aliens boarded their ship, he used the safety alarms to “herd them like cattle”. From there, they trapped the aliens into a storage room and sealed the door. 

Max then gets on a call with the aliens, and randomly asks if they know how to juggle. This is immediately followed by both ships launching every single missile at the aliens. Although they’re ready to defend themselves, 153 missiles is a lot for anybody to take all at once. 

Chapter 40

She shuffled toward the mess like an extra in a Romero flick…

What the fuck does this even mean? 

Is this yet another reference that’s older than I am? How old is this author even?

“But on a personal level, I think his success has made him a bit too full of himself.”

 “Oh? Who should he be full of?” 

Allison shook her head and smiled. “No one. It’s just an expression.”

That is not correct. Max is full of his own ego. 

“As I said, grieve not for J’quol. Soon, we will avenge him, and the Earth herself will serve as his funeral pyre.”

Chapter 40 summary: Allison later goes to the mess hall, where she finds D’armic. He’s eating, and the fear-drug administered to him has worn off. He tells her that his ship was destroyed when the alien ship was destroyed. But goes on to say that he needs to report this right away to The Council. Allison reminds him that he didn’t want the humans to go before The Council, but D’armic tells her that everything has changed now. Mainly, that those other aliens wanted to destroy the humans and make themselves look guilt-less. Allison tells him that they can get moving as soon as the jumping-drive thing on the other ship has been fixed.