Percontation Points

P: 6/1/26 M: 6/8/26

Chapter 2.4

The page is covered with oranges, reds, greens, and yellows. It’s like smudges of each color, bleeding together in a multitude of shapes. It doesn’t look like anything at all. “What’s to understand?” Charlotte doesn’t respond. She simply holds the picture steady for me to study. The more I look at it, the more I can see, though. Suddenly, it isn’t just colors, but fall leaves in the mountains. “Is it leaves?” One of her brows lifts and she tilts the page to examine it. “Perhaps.” But when she shows it to me again, it’s no longer leaves, but fish in a pond, like the Koi in the lobby of that hotel I stayed in once. When I blink, I see Mrs. Dunwitty’s rose garden at its peak. And suddenly, I get it. It’s a million problems all in one, and every way I work it I get a new solution. It’s beautiful.

I’m not quite sure that he suddenly “understands art” so much as he’s claiming that he does simply because he thinks that it’ll get him laid.

I wonder what she sees in me.

Chapter 2.4 summary: Charlie is doing some maths equations when Charlotte comes in to ask for a drawing compass. He literally pops a boner when talking with her, and tries to focus on the maths so that she doesn’t notice. She looks over his shoulder, and is gob-smacked by the level of maths that he’s working on. She then goes upstairs and comes back with a sketchbook, which she shows him. He doesn’t get it at first, but then he claims that he does and finds beauty in it. And I’m not saying that somebody can’t have a sudden inspiration of understanding art. All I’m saying is that his understanding seems to come from a place of wanting to fuck Charlotte, and little else. He looks through her sketchbook, although doing so seems to make her a little anxious. When she looks back at his paper again, she’s surprised and he’s embarrassed that he accidentally drew her infinity-hope tattoo instead. She kind of teases him about it, and asks if he thinks that it’ll earn him extra credit.

Chapter 2.5

“Oh, no, this novel is just to enjoy. There’s no test.” A snort escapes from me. “No test?” It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard a teacher say. There’s always a test. Too late, I notice all eyes are on me. […] James surveys the chaos in the room and turns to me with one of his giant toothy grins. He mumbles, “My mom will not care for this. Not one bit.” But it is one of those loud mumbles meant to carry. And from there it grows and grows into a chorus of whining voices, many of them aimed at me, pleading, “Say something, Charlie.”

I’m… not quite sure that the author was ever a child. It’s like she spawned one day a grown-ass adult. Even if they are super geniuses, nobody actively WANTS to take a test! In fact, in my experience, those super geniuses are some of the laziest people imaginable. They make extra work for themselves now so that they don’t have to work later.

“See you tomorrow,” she calls before she dissolves into the glare from the autumn sun.

Chapter 2.5 summary: One day, Ms. Finch comes in and starts reading out loud from a book. One random girl asks if they shouldn’t be taking notes on this. “Notes for what?” “For the test?” “There won’t be a test on this. This is for fun.” “What? No test?” Then these fucking morons sit there and actively complain that they should be tested on every single thing that they do. As I said, it’s giving “it was the author’s first day on planet earth when she wrote this”. It’s so out of touch, it’s literally laughable. The narration itself half comes to the idea that arguing in favour of doing a test on a subject that they all hate is ridiculous. However, every single other student in class basically pressures Charlie to complain to Ms. Finch about the lack of test. The entire thing is so unbelievably stupid. They are arguing for more work for themselves… simply to one-up the teacher. Somehow. Charlie mainly does it because he thinks that he’ll get headpats from Charlotte for showing up her sister. After school is over for the day, Charlie is putting stuff into his locker when Ms. Finch comes out from her office nearby. She tells Charlie that she knows that he’s the “king of the school”… or at least in her class. And she’s glad that it’s him. She then quotes Spider-Man at him, but Charlie acts like he had no idea what a comic book is. Which is even more unbelievable. Even if you haven’t seen any of the movies or TV shows or read the comics, you must have at least heard of the franchise.

P: 5/31/26 M: 6/7/26

Chapter 2.2

“When? In the third grade, back when boys had cooties? I think you may want to take a look at yourself sometime, Longshanks. A girl would be lucky to go out with a smart guy like you.”

Can you hold off on that assessment until you’ve actually spent some real time with him? Because I feel like she’ll be quick to change her tune as soon as she does.

I need to get it together.

Chapter 2.2 summary: Charlie eventually goes home and crawls into bed, fully dressed. However, not too long later, Charlotte shows up. She congratulates Charlie on a job well done, but goes on to ask him if he can do it all the time. Charlie is obviously embarrassed by the entire thing. Charlotte goes on to say that her sister is ruling Charlotte’s life with an iron fist. That she’d like it if the kids at Brighton could continue to distract her sister so that she can… Get on with her own life. There’s never been any mention of any sort of parent in the picture, only Jo. Which raises a few questions, but I’m sure we’ll get to it. She says all of this stuff about wanting to take a gap year, which makes Charlie upset. He’s such a “nerd” (the book’s term, not mine) that the thought of not attending school for a year makes him anxious. She wants to travel, and to see the Grand Canyon. Which Charlie insists will still be there… But Charlotte seems to think that he’s missing the point. She then randomly goes on and says that Charlie is a great catch, speaking only on his physical appearance and nothing of his personality. But then again, that would require her to spend more than five minutes with him.

Chapter 2.3

Ms. Finch is already in the classroom when I arrive the next day. I fuss with the strap on my bag to avoid looking at her as I walk down the aisle to my desk. Next to my seat sits one of the jumbo cafeteria trashcans, the kind on wheels. I drop my bag at my feet, my ears instantly flushing. Greta and James are looking like they may explode with laughter.

I know that I’ve been saying that James and Greta can do better than Charlie as a friend… But I also think that Charlie would benefit from no longer being in this “friendship” as well. Years ago, I once saw something that was basically “were you even friends with these people in high school, or was it simply because you saw them 5 days a week?” And this friendship is basically a proximity-based one. They don’t seem to like each other, have drastically different values, and only hang out simply because Charlie has a car, and they want free rides.

Ms. Finch, standing with one hand on the trashcan, says, “I can only afford so many pairs of boots on my teacher’s salary.” I peek at her feet to see if she’s wearing slippers or something because how the heck did she sneak up on me? She nudges the can in-between us, its wheels squeaking.

I get it, because being puked on isn’t fun. But wow bitch. Simply wow. That is unnecessarily cruel. And for no real reason, too.

“How did this happen?” My hands are blistered and the skin on my forearms looks like I got into a brawl with Greta’s cat. I’m in no mood to explain the suckdom of my life to the ornery old bag. “Well, see, the car was moving at a velocity of—” “You think you’re some kind of smarty britches.” “No,” I sigh, wiping my dirt-stained hands on my T-shirt. “It’s Greta’s fault.” “She was driving?” “No, but—” “Then how do you figure it’s her fault?” Mrs. Dunwitty looks at me like I’m a garden pest. I shrug. It wasn’t Greta’s fault. It was Charlotte’s—Charlotte and those stupid sexy hips of hers.

Literally anything but taking personal responsibility for his actions. He should be lucky that the literal only thing he has to do is to help her clean up the yard. I would have called the police and filed reports. Because clearly, he is not to be trusted to be in charge of a TWO TON VEHICLE. Today, it’s a garden. Tomorrow, it’s Little Timmy.

Dunwitty slaps me on the back like my little league coach after he told me to stop crying and hit the stupid ball. I only had to play one season before my parents decided “socialization” was not the answer.

I’m sorry, “soialisation isn’t the answer”? Wrong. Maybe little league ain’t it. But holy fucking shit, being around other children his own age would have made him learn how to behave a lot better. His parents are absolute ass. They’ve made this monster, and now he’s about to go be shitty as an adult in the real world. Which means that the rest of the world has to fucking deal with him.

I heft the small angel into the trunk of my car and slam the lid.

Chapter 2.3 summary: The next day, Ms. Finch basically mocks Charlie for having puked on her. The entire thing is so unbelievably shitty, I cannot stand it. I’m still waiting for this story to get to the actual point, and for the take-away lesson of “hey man, let’s treat others the way that we want to be treated”. Instead, it’s obviously setting Ms. Finch up to be a punching bag because she’s kind of nasty. Zero compassion here. I fucking hate this. Anyway, as class gets started, she tells them that they’ve got to do research into maths in classical literature. After school, Charlie goes over to Ms. Dunwitty’s house (note: I don’t think that that’s her actual name; I think Charlie is simply an asshole), where he has to help her clean up the garden that he destroyed. Again, she’s being way too nice in not pressing charges. Especially since not only does he act like he has no idea how to do anything, he’s also failing to take personal responsibility for having crashed into her yard. Maybe Greta distracted him when he was driving. Maybe he was so sleep-deprived because he was thinking about Charlotte. But CHARLIE was the one behind the wheel. He actively sat in the driver’s seat even when he didn’t feel great. And the fact that he continues to blame others is so fucking bullshit. It’s also worth noting that he’s blaming two young women, which has me kind of side-eyeing the entire thing and praying that it’s simply a coincidence, and that this isn’t about to spiral into unholy amounts of misogyny. Ugh.

P: 5/30/26 M: 6/6/26

Chapter 2.0

2.0

Does the uh… Numbering system in this really matter? Or is this simply for ~AESTHETIC~?

When Charlotte smiles you can see a small chip on the bottom corner of her central incisor. I wonder how it got chipped. It makes her smile even more appealing.

Jesus fucking christ, my dude. Learn some fucking boundaries. When the hell did he even have a chance to get so close to her to fucking notice that?

“James,” I call out after him, but he doesn’t turn around.

Chapter 2.0 summary: Charlie spends literally an entire night thinking about Charlotte. Which means that he got literally zero sleep. He’s so sleep deprived that in the morning, he forgets to turn the car with the curve of the road, and drives straight into some old lady’s prize-winning garden. Greta insists that Charlie has got to go apologise to the lady, but Charlie is of the opinion that if they don’t get moving, then they’ll be late for school. Never mentioned is the fact that what Charlie did was literally a crime… and by fleeing the scene it makes the crime even worse. Like this shit literally never even occurred to the author. Anyway, so he goes up to apologise to the homeowner. And he’s acting like she’s this mean, nasty old hag, but honestly? I’m on her side. This asshole literally tore up her yard, destroyed flowerbeds, and broke her little yard statues. For what? His inability to function properly around a cute girl? JFC dude. He should be lucky if she doesn’t press charges. In the car again, James basically starts laying into Charlie about how fucking shitty that he is. Honestly, I’m on James’s side. But then again, I’d be on the side of anybody who is finally reminding Charlie that he’s not God’s gift to maths. However, Charlie is also quick to tell James that his stupid plans to derail Ms. Finch until she quits aren’t exactly working. Which I’m also in agreement with… But that doesn’t somehow excuse Charlie’s actions. Somebody could have gotten seriously hurt because of his impaired driving!

Chapter 2.1

Two lunch detentions? Who the hell am I today? This is all Charlotte’s fault. My brain is fried, and I blame the girl who’s taken up residence there.

I’m simply going to say it: this guy has major incel energy. He got into a one-car crash, and blamed it on Charlotte. He failed to answer a question correctly, got detention, and blamed it on Charlotte. Like I’m all for a good redemption arc. But at some point, you’ve got to say that there’s no way in hell that a character can possibly come back from some of this shit.

“Look, Gret. About this morning, I didn’t sleep well last night and —” “Wait,” Greta says, reaching in her pocket for her phone. “I want to record this.” “What?” “Well, aren’t you about to apologize?…”

I don’t think that he’s going to apologise; I think that he’s going to continue to make excuses for his continuing shitty behaviour.

I hang my head and allow myself to be led away.

Chapter 2.1 summary: As you can imagine, being so sleep-deprived that you literally get into a one-car crash… doesn’t exactly go away when you’re forced to attend school. He’s so out of it that he gets not one but two detentions from two different teachers. Throughout the entire thing, he continues to blame all of his problems on Charlotte. At lunch, Greta tries to make up for what she’d said right after the accident… Although I’m still putting 100% of the blame on Charlie. The author is kind of terrible for forcing Greta to do all of this for such an asshole like Charlie. Anyway, she gives him a Mountain Dew, which helps him to get through the next two class periods. But by the final period, literature, he’s feeling super awful. He tries to get up before he pukes in front of everybody, but then trips over some rando’s bag, and as he’s going down, he vomits profusely… all over himself and Ms. Finch. Ms. Finch asks that James help get Charlie to the nurse’s office. On their way there, James congratulates Charlie for a job well done. As if being vomited all over in class is somehow going to convince Ms. Finch to quit. Charlie is mainly super embarrassed over everything.

P: 5/29/26 M: 6/5/26

Chapter 1.8

James makes an ass of himself in English on each of the remaining days of the week…

I get the feeling that this is going to be the vibe of the rest of the novel. Like I’m holding out hope that we’re setting the bar extra low for actual character development and growth. But I’m going to be so real with everybody: I’m not holding my breath based solely off from the book summary.

James makes an ass of himself in English on each of the remaining days of the week, making me think I’m definitely on my own when it comes to figuring out relationships. He says he’s starting small, laying the foundation for the skyscraper of hell he will erect around Ms. Finch. I say he’s sniffed one too many chemicals in the lab, and his brain is starting to short-circuit.

It’s mainly like… Why the fuck do you care so much? Are you going to keep playing childish pranks on core classes you need to take at MIT (or whatever school James wants to attend)? Cause I feel like that’s only going to get you kicked out.

On Wednesday, he “forgot” his textbook. He may get an Oscar for his performance as Genius Suffering a Nervous Breakdown. I caught Greta’s attention during the climax of his performance to ask, “Did I look like this?” She snorted and shook her head. It took 7.27 minutes of class before Ms. Finch could regain control. On Thursday, he sneezed every time she said the word, “story.” She was lecturing on the structure of the short story. Fifty-three sneezes. Tobias even got up to get him the box of tissues from the bookcase in the back. I do my best to keep my head down in class and never make eye contact with my classmates. I don’t want anyone thinking I’ve got anything to do with this crap. Today, James’s plan A had been to fall out of his chair and fake a head injury…

You’ll notice that literally nobody else is joining James in any of this. Even Charlie is embarrassed by James’s actions.

Something like admiration tickles the back of my mind.

Chapter 1.8 summary: It’s basically three pages of James making an ass out of himself by trying to “remove” Ms. Finch. However, as I keep saying, I’m not quite sure what it is that he hopes to accomplish by… checks notes pretending to sneeze, and then acting like he’s hurt. On Friday, Ms. Finch ushers them outside because it’s nice out. But then James starts buzzing like a bee, and is apparently a little too realistic. It freaks the other students out, which I guess was kind of the point. But then Greta gets so fed up with James’s shitty behaviour that she starts hitting him… But this only leads the other students to try and “swat the bees from each other”. Charlie is the only one who doesn’t do anything. When he realises Ms. Finch is looking at him, he feels like he did something bad… Even though it was all James acting like a spoilt brat for no reason. After regaining control over the class, they go back inside. Ms. Finch doesn’t seem bothered by what happened, which earns her a bit of respect from Charlie.

Chapter 1.9

Mostly they stay holed up in Becca’s room, but just knowing Charlotte is here shorts the electrical impulses in my brain.

Quick question: how old is Charlotte/Becca supposed to be? Because if Charlie is 17 or 18 (aka in his final year of high school)… I have some serious questions depending on how old that Charlotte is.

I’m at the kitchen table making quadratic equations with the alphabet cereal Mom buys because I said I liked it when I was five.

Honestly, considering how Charlie turned out, I’m not surprised that the parents do the bare minimum to know their children. Shall we ask Charlie’s father where Charlie and Becca attend school? I’m positive he wouldn’t know.

I’m not sure what’s more disconcerting—Becca having a friend, or the friend being the girl with the infinity tattoo that I can’t stop obsessing about.

100% it’s him obsessing about Charlotte’s tattoo. It’s weird and creepy. Why couldn’t this book have done a meet-cute at Charlie’s house? Why did it have to make things awkward by having him touch a girl without her permission? Like it has seriously set the tone for the rest of the novel. And boy, did it set an AWFUL tone.

Mom drops the armful of files she’s carrying on the kitchen table and papers scatter. She’s an elementary school principal (spelled with a p-a-l because she’s your pal!), so the beginning of a school year means tons of paperwork.

Finding out what the mother does for a living seriously makes things ten times worse. Because she should have multiple degrees in childhood education, in making sure that your own child knows shit like “we keep our hands and our feet to ourselves”. Yet there she is… letting him assault random women in doughnut shops simply because she’s too busy raising other people’s children.

She’s an elementary school principal (spelled with a p-a-l because she’s your pal!)…

I had to read this and so do you.

I tell myself not to, but before the door clicks shut, I crane my neck to catch one more glimpse of Charlotte swaying with the melody of the next song.

Chapter 1.9 summary: Despite the fact that Becca and Charlotte had said that Charlotte was over there for a “group project”, it seems as though this is going beyond simply school. Because Charlotte is over there practically every other day. One weekend, their mother complains that the girls are listening to music super loudly, and tells Charlie to go tell them to turn it down. Charlie doesn’t want to, because that would mean interacting with Charlotte. Because he can’t even be normal about a simple thing at all. He goes anyway. Becca insists that Charlotte is “teaching me a hot new dance”. And again, Charlie literally lacks any sort of sense to not make every single thing he does weird. Because even as he closes the bedroom door, he can’t stop staring at Charlotte like a pervert.

P: 5/28/26 M: 6/4/26

Chapter 1.6

3:01:14 p.m. and still no James. This is remarkable. For a millisecond, I think maybe he’s hurt. Maybe he went to the restroom between classes, slipped on someone’s misdirected piss, and knocked himself unconscious on the lip of the urinal. It could happen.

Look. I know that I’m the first to jump to the “dead in a ditch” thoughts if my friends are late. But holy cow. Did you ever stop to consider that James simply isn’t coming to class?

I look up from the phone and see James strolling into the classroom at 3:03:36 p.m. He’s smiling at us, but as he enters his face shifts, jutting out his chin and cocking one eyebrow into an impressively high arch. Greta groans. “Oh. Dear. Lord.” James’s normal gait disappears, too. He is now walking like his left hip is dislocated and swinging his right arm at an awkward angle. He swaggers past Ms. Finch’s podium and comes down the center aisle, nodding greetings at the gaping students all around him, even holding his hand up for Tobias Quartell to slap him five. […] After class, I walk silently beside Greta as she shreds James for his “asinine, embarrassing, culturally deplorable display of stupidity.”

I feel like Charlie’s emotional constipation is 100% a thing of his own invention. Because even Greta seems to have some semblance of normalcy about her.

“Seriously,” I call out, but the crowd has already swallowed him.

Chapter 1.6 summary: The next day in literature, Charlie is worried that he’s going to get lectured by Charlotte’s older sister for… checks notes touching girls without their permission. As he probably rightfully should. But Ms. Finch simply shows up and begins to read out loud from whatever novel that they’re doing in class. James also randomly shows up late… although he’s only 3 minutes late. He literally swaggers in, acting like he’s Mr. Cool, and high-fives some of his classmates. Ms. Finch completely ignores him. Mainly I’m confused what James’s end goal in all of this was. Like… Oh no! Not three minutes late to class!! But Ms. Finch does chide Charlie for looking at his phone during her lecture. And she politely reminds him that it’s school policy to put phones into bags during classes. She literally doesn’t even take it; she reminds him to put it away. That’s it. After class is over, although Greta does chew James out for whatever the fuck that was… He really feels like he’s on a roll. Again, I’m not sure what exactly that he proved with that, but sure dude. Whatever makes you happy, I guess. A bunch of other students rally around him, but Charlie still doesn’t really want anything to do with this.

Chapter 1.7

Dinner is at James’s house. He informed us at lunch that he’d put a pot roast in the slow cooker this morning. Who does that?

Do you think that food magically appears before him simply because he’s never personally witnessed his mother slaving away over a stove? Everybody fucking does this. Slow cookers are awesome.

Before I left for his place, I got a text from him asking if I’d pick up a fresh loaf of “nice, crusty bread—maybe sourdough?” I don’t know what that means…

How the fuck does this kid function on a daily basis? I get that he’s a child, but he’s also ready to graduate high school. His parents have done him such a massive disservice by treating him like this. And a huge disservice to the world for unleashing this emotional incompetent man-child onto the world.

“I’ve got a question.” “It’s called a nocturnal emission and it’s completely normal, Chucky.” “Grow up, Gret.” “You grow up,”

Are we… supposed to find this funny? Endearing? Because it’s honestly not. These characters are obnoxious as fuck-all.

Or maybe since James is supposed to be so giving, I’ll ask him first.

Chapter 1.7 summary: James had invited Charlie over for dinner, but asked him to swing by the store to buy sourdough bread. While there, struggling to know what “sourdough” is as if he arrived on planet earth YESTERDAY, he sees Charlotte in the next aisle. He goes over to talk to her, and she does show him where the actual bakery is with the sourdough… Although at least she does it super condescendingly by saying stuff like “you’re ice cold” and “getting warmer”. She then starts to ask about James. She seems kind of… disappointed to find out that James is in a relationship with Greta. But mainly because she was under the impression that James and Charlie were a thing. Like… Okay? An hour later, Charlie gets to James’s house, now knowing how to juggle lemons. That is not a euphemism: Charlotte taught him how to juggle. Why is beyond me, but sure. Edit from chapter 4.1: this is literally never mentioned again. Once there, he pulls Greta aside to ask how to know when a girl might like him. Greta tries, but apparently, this boy has never once bothered to actually ask her during their entire relationship. But then again, I think you could say that about Charlie and literally any social interaction. Anyway, when Charlie lets slip that this girl thought that he and James were in a relationship, Greta cracks up and goes to tell James about this.

P: 5/27/26 M: 6/3/26

Chapter 1.4

“Charlie! You’re home.”

It only took four chapters for him to actually be named. See? I told you that Hanson wasn’t his forename. It’s his surname.

“Charlie! You’re home.” Her face floods with relief. “You have to meet Charlotte.”

Really? The author deadass named the main characters Charlie and Charlotte?

“She said I should call her Charley instead of Charlotte, and I said, ‘No, because, my brother’s name is Charlie and it would be weird.’ And she said, ‘Okay.’ So, I’m just calling her Charlotte.” Becca runs out of breath and stops. I take a second to drink in this other Charley…

feral screaming

It takes a few minutes after she leaves before I realize that she never told me how I might be useful to her.

Chapter 1.4 summary: When our main character gets home, he thinks that his little sister, Becca, is rummaging through the fridge. Becca sounds like him, but in miniature. Except that it’s not Becca, it’s the girl from the doughnut shop. Becca herself shows up, and finally introduces our male lead as Charlie. She goes on to explain that they were given a group project on the first day of class. Since Charlotte is new to the school, the teacher partnered her up with Becca. So that’s why she’s over there: to work on the project. Charlie then realises that Charlotte looks like his English teacher, and Charlotte agrees that Ms. Finch is her older sister. She says that Charlie attending Brighton is going to be “useful to her”. Rather than to actually have a conversation with her like a normal person, Charlie continue to put his foot in his mouth. He complains about her infinity-hope tattoo. As if he somehow didn’t learn his lesson the first time. Eventually, Becca drags Charlotte away. After she’s gone, Charlie realises he didn’t ask Charlotte what she meant by “you attending Brighton will be useful to me”.

Chapter 1.5

“You have to help me pull off at least a few stunts. What would Batman be without his Robin? Superman without Lois Lane?” “I’m a Marvel fan, dumbass. And did you just call me a girl?”

Ah-ah-ah! You don’t get to have comic books. Not only is it art, but it’s also literature as well! HYPOCRITES!! Mentions of interacting with literature and art: 1 Note from the future: and then I promptly forgot all about this. In my defence, Charlie doesn’t have any interests outside of maths and getting into MIT. His third interest is getting into Charlotte’s pants.

He’s number eleven [on the list of top students in the school], and not because he isn’t brilliant, but because he has other priorities that Greta and I don’t, like spending time with his sisters.

I said what I said about how not every genius has rock-bottom EQ and social skills. You can be intelligent without being a socially inept asshole.

“We’ve still got all year together.” “Yeah, man. A year is a long time,” I say, trying to be encouraging. “Twelve months, fifty-two weeks, three hundred sixty-five days, eight thousand seven hundred sixty hours—”

Except that they should know that a school year is a lot different than a regular year. And that most of their time is going to be eaten up with actual school.

I snort, and Greta raises a brow at me, daring me, as always, to challenge her. I stuff my trash in my lunch sack and mutter, “I’m no Boy Wonder.”

Chapter 1.5 summary: James begs Charlie to join his evil crusade against Ms. Finch. He tries to sway Charlie to his side by saying that Batman needs Robin. As if comparing Charlie to a side-kick is somehow going to convince him. Anyway, James gets kind of mopey about this being their last year together. The narration tries to make us care about James by saying that his dad died, and like… I kind of get it. But mainly, I’m already rooting for James to find better friends simply because Charlie is such an asshole. Charlie is mainly upset because he was called not only Robin, but then Lois Lane.

P: 5/26/26 M: 6/2/26

Chapter 1.2

“What’d you think of that tattoo, Gret?” Greta turns away from the window, one ginger brow arched. “I think it’s none of our business.” “Yeah, but don’t you think that’s maybe an excessive amount of hope?” “Depends what you’re hoping for. Why do you care? And what was with that stellar display of social ineptitude back there?”

“What’s up with his social ineptitude”? Because literally nobody has ever sat him down and told him that it’s bad. He seems like the kind of person who would benefit from such a talk.

“How can you be hungry, J? You’ve eaten more calories than a cheerleader eats in a week.” “What cheerleader?” James says, pretending to look around for one. Brighton doesn’t have cheerleaders. We’d need sports teams to justify them. Mathletes don’t count, even if they think they do. “Show me the cheerleader?”

He does realise that it’s the concept of a cheerleader, and not a literal cheerleader standing right in front of him… right? Like how are smart people somehow all so fucking DUMB?

Not infinitely hopeful, of course. That’s just nonsense.

Chapter 1.2 summary: As they drive to school, our still kind of unnamed main character asks what Greta thought about the girl’s infinity-hope tattoo. Greta thinks that he was being weird, and for what? Unnamed then thinks about how it’s the first day of their last year of school. That he’s going to spend this year working on a mathematical proof that’ll get him noticed by some professor at MIT… And that proof will lead him to getting a Nobel Prize. Then Greta and her boyfriend, James, start talking about how James ate so many doughnuts, and that he’ll eat Greta’s doughnut, too. It’s about as stupid as you would imagine it to be.

Chapter 1.3

Two years ago, I took on too much—too many classes, mathletes team captain, a junior internship with the university physics department, and a shot at the national science fair.

So how is it that he’s in all of these groups, and literally not one single person pulled him aside and told him how to at least pretend to act like a real boy? I’m serious. Not all geniuses are socially inept. One of them should have told him that acting that way is unacceptable.

Two years ago, I took on too much—too many classes, mathletes team captain, a junior internship with the university physics department, and a shot at the national science fair. I failed an assignment in chemistry. I’d never failed before. My mind went a little berserk. I only remember pieces (which Dr. McCaulley, Greta’s psychologist mom, says is normal), but I was convinced I could work out the glitch in my chemistry experiment if I could give it one more try. Of course, in order to do that, I needed to break into Dr. Stormwhiler’s lab. It was one a.m., and I may have triggered an alarm when picking the lock on the disused gym door. Alone inside the school, I panicked and called Greta. Her mom called the police and met them here. Greta found me, catatonic by that time, in the storage room off one of the labs. If Greta hadn’t been there to pull me back from the edge, and tell me to stop being a whiny quitter, I’d have left school and given up on all my ambitions.

Are we actually going to talk about how he had an intense psychological break-down? No? Brush it under the rug like this is supposed to be a funny bit in a most decidedly unfunny novel? Okay. I mean, I kind of got the unfunny “humour” in this book on page one of chapter one. So I understand that the author also thinks that this is supposed to be funny. But at the same time… Not the author playing up a serious mental break-down like it’s a punchline. Kind of makes you worry about how the author is doing.

Our motto (yep, another plaque) is Aut viam inveniam aut faciam. Meaning, “I’ll either find a way or make one.” So, we’ve found a way to reduce the time we have to spend on things like poetry and literature by making the English teachers hate their jobs here.

Except that it’s not actually reducing the amount of time spent in literature. Which I’d like to remind you… Most state testing makes literature a mandatory subject. I had to pass a maths test, a reading test, and a writing test in order to graduate high school. And I’m certain most schools require the same. These are honestly the worst kind of people imaginable. People who think that they’re somehow better than the arts. I’m going to point and call out their behaviour every single time that they engage with it from here on out.

It’s a simple equation. No teacher = no English. No English = more time for things that matter. Like math.

That isn’t how any of that works at all. The subject must still be taught according to state guidelines. Regardless of if there’s a teacher there. The real funny thing this book could do would be to say “well guys, since you chased off yet another lit professor, none of you will be able to graduate on time. Have fun making up for your lost lit credit in summer school!” But then again, maybe if the school actually punished these little shithead students, none of whatever mess is about to unfold would have happened in the first place.

We take seats near the back of the English room. I study the bookshelves lining all four walls and crammed full of books. I don’t recognize any of the titles, which isn’t saying much.

It’s probably stuff like Moby Dick and Frankenstein. Which is kind of exactly what I’d expect from such an emotionally constipated moron.

Above the bookshelves are paintings. Big ones of trees with people laughing as they hang in the branches. Small ones of books stacked neatly. Tall paintings with stacks of books in the act of tumbling over. Forty-two paintings. They are all different, but the same.

Paintings? Or posters? Because who the fuck puts a goddamned painting in their lit classroom?

“I know what you all do with English teachers here at Brighton. I know,” she says, turning at the back of the classroom to be sure she has our attention. “And I say: Bring. It. On.”

Chapter 1.3 summary: So we continue on with our still unnamed protagonist’s moral superiority complex. They attend this fancy maths school, and somehow think that they’re better than literature and the English department. That they’ve, and I quote, chased away every single English professor like the cursed DADA spot in Harry Potter. That there’s a new professor in the spot this year, and they completely plan to do the same to her as well. When they get into their shared lit class, they’re all kind of upset with the thought that this professor is late. Like how dare she be human! JAIL, FOR A THOUSAND YEARS!! When she does come in, she’s covered in spilt coffee and kind of seems to be an absolute mess. She does however state that she’s aware that the students have chased off the other lit teachers, and she welcomes the challenge.

P: 5/25/26 M: 6/1/26

Chapter 1.0

Beginnings are tricky things. I’ve been staring at this blank page for forty seven minutes. It is infinite with possibilities. Once I begin, they diminish. Scientifically, I know beginnings don’t exist. The world is made of energy, which is neither created nor destroyed. Everything she is was here before me. Everything she was will always remain. Her existence touches both my past and my future at one point—infinity. Lifelines aren’t lines at all. They’re more like circles. It’s safe to start anywhere and the story will curve its way back to the starting point. Eventually. In other words, it doesn’t matter where I begin. It doesn’t change the end.

Chapter 1.0: (Because yes, we are apparently doing chapters like this…) This is literally the entire thing. It’s uh… Not exactly off to a great start.

Chapter 1.1

Geeks are popular these days. At least, popular culture says geeks are popular. If nerds are hip, then it shouldn’t be hard for me to meet a girl.

He will then proceed to show us that it’s not the “geek culture” that girls don’t like… It’s him. Edit from the future: HA.

I’m pretty sure I’m the error in each failed attempt at getting a girl’s attention. Scientifically, I should have removed myself from the equation, but instead, I kept changing the girl. Each experiment has led to similar conclusions.

Subject: Sara Lewis, fifth grade, Method: Hold her hand under the table during social studies, Result: Punched in the thigh.

Subject: Cara Whetherby, fifth grade, second semester, Method: Yawn and extend arm over her shoulder during Honor Roll Movie Night, Result: Elbowed in the gut.

Subject: Maria Castillo, sixth grade, Method: Kiss her after exiting the bus, Result: Kneed in the balls.

Nah dude, you’re the problem here. He keeps touching girls without their consent and then he’s surprised that they keep beating the shit out of him.

I’m tall and ropey with sandy blond hair so fine it’s like dandelion fluff— the kind of dork that no amount of pop culture can help.

Again, there’s somebody who is insanely attracted to that. But when you have a shitty personality… Girls can teach you how to dress better, and to make yourself look good. It’s a lot harder to fix this level of emotional stupidity.

I’d been counting the donuts in the racks (>480) when I noticed the small tattoo on the neck of the girl in front of me. It’s a symbol—infinity. There’s a cursive word included in the bottom of one of the loops, but I can’t read it because one of the girl’s short curls is in the way. Before I realize what I’m doing, I sweep away the hair at the nape of her neck. She shudders and spins around so fast that my hand is still midair. Flames of embarrassment lick at my earlobes, and I wonder if I should be shielding my man parts from inevitable physical brutality. “What’s your problem?” Her hand cups her neck, covering the tattoo. Her pale skin flushes and her pupils are black holes in the middle of wild blue seas, but since I’m not coughing up my nuts, I’m already doing better with this girl than any before. She’s waiting for me to explain. It takes too long to find words. She’s too beautiful with that raven-hued hair and those eyes. “I wanted to see your tattoo.” “So, ask next time.”

We’re literally on page three, and I already want to drop-kick this moron into the sun.

Greta McCaulley has been my best friend since our freshman year at Brighton. On the first day of Algebra II, Mr. Toppler held a math contest, like a spelling bee only better. I came in second, one question behind Greta. Since then, her red hair, opinions, and chewed-up cuticles have been a daily part of my life. She has a way of ignoring the stuff about me that makes others want to punch me.

“Ignoring the stuff about me that makes other want to punch me”. Pretty sure that’s the only way that he could ever get a friend: if you ignored literally every single aspect about this guy.

Result: No physical harm, but left doubting whether I’ll ever figure this relationship stuff out.

Chapter 1.1 summary: We meet our main character, who I think is named Hanson? Anyway, he’s a high IQ low EQ social loser who, BY HIS OWN ADMISSION ON PAGE ONE, has repeatedly grabbed girls, and doesn’t understand why they keep hitting him. He’s standing in line at a doughnut shop when he sees an infinity tattoo with the word “hope” on the neck of the girl/woman in front of him. Which he proceeds to touch. Because yeah. As if him touching the girls in his class wasn’t bad enough, he’s now progressing to touching random strangers in shops. As you can imagine, the girl is like “WTF if your problem, dude?” As I think anybody would. He gets his doughnuts, then flees outside to his singular friend, Greta. Greta kind of is like “bro, why would you touch her.” The girl comes out from the shop a moment later, so Hanson goes over to apologise. However… Oops. Here’s that low EQ again. Although he does apologise for having touched her, he randomly starts to lecture her about infinity. And doesn’t understand why she stalked away, even angrier at him. Ugh. I hate this already, and I’m glad it’s a stand-alone book.

P: 5/24/26 M: 5/31/26

Chapter 22

“I’m sorry for getting so wrapped up in my own insecurities and fears that I made such a mess of this. I’ve been ashamed of myself, because people kept telling me that I should be. And I was dumb enough to believe them, and even dumber to think it meant I wasn’t allowed to be happy. Or didn’t deserve to be happy. I was trying to be so good that nobody could judge me. I thought maybe that way—” I have to laugh at myself. “Maybe that way, I would be infallible. Impenetrable.”

Again, I’d like to add that not once does even Maya place the blame on Cooper for ruining her life. This comes as an even bigger slap to the face after her conversation with Cassidy. Like they acknowledge that Cooper was a louse for doing that at all. He literally ruined Cassidy’s life. Yet nobody says shit about how he also ruined Maya’s life.

“All yours,” I promise him. “All yours.”

Chapter 22 summary: After leaving the coffee shop, Maya goes to the train station, buys a ticket for New York, and texts Charlie that she’d like to see him. He responds after a little bit. Once in New York, she goes to his place, where he obviously lets her in, since he gave her his address after all. Once inside, Maya begins to talk about all of her insecurities. And I get it, but not once during this moment does anybody actually acknowledge that the timing of all of this was also really fucking shit. That if they had simply waited, then none of this heartbreak would have happened. But, as I’m sure you guessed, Charlie almost immediately forgives her. He talks about how he saw her picture in Vogue, and when he met her in the restaurant for the first time, he knew he was done for. They promise each other that they’re too old for this “figuring shit out” stuff, and promise each other that the other can have as much as they want. The book ends on that note, but there is a sequel.

P: 5/23/26 M: 5/30/26

Chapter 21

Then her face registers. Cassidy. The woman Cooper cheated with. […] Now, though, she’s thinner. Muted. Her face is bare, eyes dark-circled. She can barely meet my gaze.

Good. Homewrecking whores deserve every bad thing that happens to them.

“He is,” I say. But of course, he’s not a friend. He never was.

Chapter 21 summary: Maya goes back to DC, where she cocoons herself in her apartment for several days. Then when she finally emerges, she finds a package from Charlie. It’s a necklace, a bit of a bizarre note about how things could have been better, and a congratulations about Teresa’s win. Maya goes to a coffee shop, where she literally runs into the homewrecker who ruined her marriage, Cassidy. The woman begs Maya for one second of her time, and apologises for having done it. The woman is a mess, and she now understands that Cooper wasn’t worth it. Maya, in an act of kindness that I’m not sure that I would possess, offers to buy Cassidy a new coffee, and to sit down and talk. Basically, Cassidy’s life is in ruins now because of what she did. That there’s a lot of stigma for women in high-ranking positions… And it’s really easy for accusations of sexual favours to start flying. It happened to Maya, even if it wasn’t true. Except that Cassidy was stupid (a fact that she openly admits) and slept with a marriage guy she worked under anyway. She says that she’s going to move to the other side of the country, back in with her parents, and hope that this all goes away eventually. But it’s also worth noting that both women do put a lot of the blame on Cooper, who decided to not only cheat so publicly, but also do ruin the life of this young woman. Then, because this story is still about Maya and Charlie’s romance, Cassidy comments on the snake infinity symbol necklace that Charlie had given Maya. She can only think that Charlie “was never a friend”.

P: 5/22/26 M: 5/29/26

Chapter 20

Election day dawns bright and frigid. […] But she’s never fully recommitted to UBI after backing off during the fundraiser. It’s still on her website, and she touts her “groundbreaking economic ideas” in speeches. But she never calls it by name anymore.

The way that my jaw remained firmly in place about this.

“I would love that,” I tell Teresa. I’m not sure what else there would be to say.

Chapter 20 summary: We skip over to election day. Teresa never brought up UBI again, although she kept talking about “economic ideas” in her speeches, so Maya was hopeful that it wasn’t completely off the table. As the day wore on, Maya eventually gave up trying to do literally anything productive and eventually began to scroll tiktok. Her FYP was heavily curated for Charlie, and she kept seeing video after video of his performance at the fundraiser event. However, one silver lining in all of this is that Charlie’s engagement with civics is that he’s convinced a lot of his fans to get into politics as well. Or at least to get out and vote. Eventually, Gabe came to find her, and they went to this “hurray, we won!” speech Teresa gives. Maya doesn’t exactly feel happy about this, but rather, actually pretty numb. Teresa says that so-and-so in New York was asking about Maya, and Maya agreed that Teresa should have them get in touch with one another. Maya figures that there’s nothing further to be done except to move on with her life at this point.

P: 5/21/26 M: 5/28/26

Chapter 19

On Monday at the office, Teresa makes her excuses to me. UBI is still important to her; they just wanted to test a version of the speech without mentioning it explicitly. Her values are the same. She’s still planning on trying to get a pilot going when she’s elected. She’s so grateful for all of my help.

Works with a politician. Gets told empty promises, and treated like you’re somehow too stupid to understand.

I consider calling Kate, but I know exactly what she’ll say— to trust my gut. Leave if I feel like leaving! Which is so Kate, so California, and something I’m so not in the position to do. Besides, I didn’t handle it particularly well when Charlie suggested the same, and I don’t need to risk damaging another relationship. It’s September. Two more months. If I bail now, that’ll be its own story— that I’ve become a prima donna. Too emotional, too difficult to work with. That I’m not worth the trouble. Just wait it out. I repeat it like another mantra.

So she is staying because it’ll damage the reputation that Cooper already tarnished.

I wish I knew how to make it work. I’m sorry for pushing you too.

Chapter 19 summary: Some time passes. Teresa says a bunch of empty words and emptier promises about why she dropped the UBI thing. I don’t think that Maya is stupid enough to believe them. She does finally come out to say that the reason why she’s staying is because of her rock-bottom reputation… Which again, was ruined because of Cooper, and literally nothing that she herself did. She doesn’t know how to message Charlie, so she leaves it for a while. Then she does reach out, and tries not to fall to pieces when he doesn’t immediately respond. He messages her back the next day to apologise and say that he can’t do this entire non-commitment thing. Maya has a break-down in the bathroom of a coffee shop. Then she pulls herself together because she’s got work to do on Teresa’s campaign. In the office, she’s grabbed by Gabe on her way in. He remarks that she looks like absolute shit, then he pulls her into an empty office. He tells her that this is “simply work”, and comments that he lost his own long-term boyfriend because he threw himself into his work. Maya texts Charlie back to apologise for the way that she’s been treating him, and that she wanted to make things work between them too.

P: 5/20/26 M: 5/27/26

Chapter 18

We head to a dive bar, the kind of place no one will be looking for former boy banders or disgraced politicos.

This is the part that’s really starting to grind my gears: MAYA IS A VICTIM OF COOPER’S CHEATING!! Yet everybody is treating her like she murdered the president or something!

“I thought we couldn’t.” I nod slowly, thoughtfully, but my intention is clear. “It would be better if we didn’t.” It feels so good to stop lying to him. To stop lying to myself. His bottom lip drops, just slightly, and I watch his breath catch. He leans forward and murmurs, “Better for who?” I’m honestly not sure anymore. Me? Teresa? Him? Nobody? Everybody?

Even if you ignore how shitty that Teresa has been treating Maya… A political campaign does eventually have an end-date. The fact that they can’t even wait until then is so frustrating to me.

“I know this is none of my business, but . . . if you want to leave the campaign, you can leave. You know that, right?” […] “You just . . .” he sighs. “You should be allowed to have a personal life.”

OH MY FUCKING GOD, THANK YOU!!

I let a tear slide down my cheek as he quietly lets himself out.

Chapter 18 summary: They go to a dive-bar so that they won’t be recognised. Charlie jokes about what he had to promise the other members of Mischief in order to convince them to join him in this. Then he gets serious, and starts to talk about how different the fame is this time around. That he did miss a lot of the stuff… even the stuff like hearing yourself on the radio. He then kind of hints that he’d like to have sex with her again. She tries to deny them again, but that doesn’t last for long. She takes him back to her apartment, where they do the deed. Once they’re finished, Charlie pointedly tells her that she’s entitled to have a personal life. But Maya is determined to hurt her own feelings by remaining with a woman who doesn’t value anything except for what she could do for Teresa… Which doesn’t involve having romantic feelings for a celebrity. Maya is quick to point out that while Charlie was approached for the Vogue article because he was famous, Maya did it as a good publicity stunt to help fix the reputation that Cooper ruined for her. Charlie then says that his alarm is set for 3 AM because he has a flight to catch, and that he should probably go back to his own hotel. Maya cries after he’s gone.