#garrickweek2025

“Is he trying to kill us?”

“Pretty sure I saw my soul leave my body after that last hit.”

“I dream of the day Xaden puts him through a wall instead.”

The complaints echo through the sparring gym like the aftermath of a battlefield. One by one, your squad stumbles off the mats, groaning and limping, clothes sweat-soaked and pride thoroughly shattered. Garrick stands in the center of it all, arms crossed, looming like a monolith with judgment carved into every hard line of his face. He doesn’t say a word—just surveys the carnage with the same deadpan glare he’s worn since sunrise.

You try not to laugh.

Try being the operative word.

“Don’t be dramatic,” you call out, biting back a grin as one of the cadets cradles his ribs like they’ve betrayed him. “You’re all still standing.”

“Barely,” Sawyer groans, dropping onto a bench like he’s been shot. “I swear, does he even like us?”

“He’s like a wall,” Violet mutters. “With knives.”

“And an emotional support dagger collection,” Ridoc deadpans.

That makes you snort. Loudly.

“He’s not like this with me,” you say, far too casually.

Several heads snap toward you at once.

Sawyer narrows his eyes like he’s solving a riddle. “What do you mean he’s not like this with you?”

You shrug. “Exactly what I said. He’s… different. Kinda like a teddy bear.”

The silence that follows is laced with suspicion and disbelief.

Then Ridoc crosses his arms, smirking. “Yea, alright. I’ll believe it when I see it.”

You just smile. “You don’t believe me?”

“We are talking about the same person, right?” Ridoc raises a brow at you and you just shrug.

“Okay, Gamlyn.”

Later that evening, second squad takes over most of the common room, grumbling, and milking the soreness of their muscles for all it’s worth. Every now and then, someone winces from laughing too hard. You’re curled into your usual corner of the couch, feet propped up on the table before you with a book resting on your knees.

The door creaks open.

Garrick enters, still in his training gear, sleeves rolled up, sweat-damp hair curling at his temples. 

Instantly, the room shifts. Every back straightens. Conversations die mid-sentence. It’s as if just existing near him carries a threat level.

Except for you.

You don’t even lift your head as he walks in.

He doesn’t pause. Doesn’t say a word, just crosses the room with long, purposeful strides, sinks to one knee in front of you, and starts undoing the straps of your boots like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

The room goes deathly quiet.

Sawyer’s jaw drops. Ridoc makes a sound that might be a whimper.

Your heart tugs in your chest at the familiar tenderness in Garrick’s touch—rough fingers moving carefully, methodically, brushing your calf with more reverence than you’d ever expect from a man who made half your squad tap out by lunch.

“How’s your ankle today?” he murmurs, thumb ghosting over the spot you tweaked last week.

“Better,” you say softly, leaning forward to press a kiss to his temple. “Still sore.”

He frowns, and that tight line between his brows deepens. “You should’ve sat out. I would’ve covered for you.”

You arch a brow. “You literally made Sawyer do laps for blinking wrong today.”

Garrick doesn’t even flinch. “He did blink like he had a secret.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “You’re impossible.”

“I’m only impossible with them,” he says, voice dropping to something low and intimate. “Not with you.”

That’s the moment someone chokes.

You glance up.

The squad is frozen in stunned disbelief. Like they’ve just seen a gryphon juggle.

Ridoc is gaping. “Did he just—Are you—Did he smile?”

Rhiannon hisses, “He knelt. He literally knelt like she’s a fucking princess.”

“I think I’m going to pass out,” comes from Ridoc again.

Garrick lifts his head—slowly—and glares at them. “You all have something to say?”

A chorus of head shakes follows, immediate and frantic.

“Nope.”

“Not a word.”

“Carry on, Section Leader.”

Your smirk is all teeth as you thread your fingers through Garrick’s hair, dragging your nails gently along his scalp until his eyes flutter closed. He leans into your touch like he’s starving for it.

“Teddy bear,” you say sweetly.

He grumbles something unintelligible under his breath, ears tinged red, but he doesn’t move away.

Doesn’t even deny it.

And that silence? That unspoken, stunned reverence echoing from your squad as they watch the coldest man they know kneel at your feet and massage your sore calf with calloused hands?

That’s better than victory on the sparring mat any day.

to the world, garrick tavis is a fearless liutenant; a man so large and brazen that the world will bend at his command. the strength, the intelligence and the sheer bravery he wields in strategy meetings and on the battlefield makes him admirable. you heard the rumours about him, that he once defeated four cadets who had planned to ambush him in a few moments; using his bare hands to unleash the wrath. you knew the weight of his marked relic and the label it created; untouchable, fearless, forbidden.

yet as the morning light of aretia peeked through the whiteness of the curtains, all you saw was tranquil.

to the world, garrick tavis was a force to be reckoned with.

to you, garrick tavis was the world.

this was your favourite version of him: sleep etched into his features, a brow so relaxed it slowed your heart rate completely. sometimes you wonder how a man like him could be so stealthy, so calculated and on edge and yet sleep like the dead. his face is smushed up against the bare mattress, the hand of a relic clad arm stuffed under his pillow and the other wrapped around your waist.

you sit in the morning silence and stare lovingly at him, using your fingertips to trace along his smoothened brow, carress the highs of his cheekbones and poke indents into where his dimples usually rest.

his dimples, and you swoon internally as you picture them.

soft snores escape his mouth and his grip on you tightens and you know at this point, there will be no getting up early for your daily run with imogen- a habit that carried past the walls of bagsiath.

"gare," your whisper tickles the skin of his nose, causing it to scrunch lightly. he moans in response, slumber still possessing his being. you tap lightly on his nose, almost as if youre knocking on the door to his mind, asking to be let in. you think for a moment that he'll wake up, ask what's going on but he doesn't.

instead, he slowly shifts and repositions himself lazily and your eyes widen in protest, "no no no please wait-

oof." you groan as an abnormal sack of muscle mass lands on top of your body, as if strapping you to the bed. you're certain that if you get up, there will most likely be a mould of your body where you had left. the wide man in question snuggles closer into your skin, his nose tickling the length of your skin.

as if he senses your normalcy to his shenanigans, he sleepily grabs hold of your hands and places them on top of his head, not letting go until your fingers are weaving and kneading through the soft brown locks he's been trying to grow. you sit like that for a while, fingers playing with his hair, tugging lightly in areas where you know there is frequently tension and letting him rest peacefully.

"you're like a heater," his warm breath lands on your skin and you softly smile, lightly using your fire-wielding signet to warm his cool body.

"what would people say if they could see you now gare, the big scary liutenant tucked into bed like a giant baby," you tease and he gently nips at your skin, silencing you in a heartbeat.

"careful," he purrs, "wouldn't want people to find out that the fearless fire-wielder gets whiny when she doesn't get her cuddles at night." you scoff loudly, heat creeping up to your cheeks- no signet needed there.

"okay and what about you, mr. if i dont get a goodbye kiss i'll kill someone," your foot gently wraps around his calfs and he stills.

"don't start something you're not ready for," he mumbles, eyes finally creeping open and you stare in awe at the hazel orbs that glisten in the sunlight. you press a light kiss to his lips and pull back to meet his gaze focused on you again.

"hi," you whisper.

"hi back," and he leans in for another peck. "no run this morning?" he cocks his head to the side adorably, dimples making their way to the surface and your heart bursts.

"as if," you roll your eyes, "i was busy caged by a certain beanstalk and couldn't move." his eyes light up with mischief within a heartbeat and your scared of the instant shift. "gare- what are you doing wait-"

another gasp escapes you and you find yourself muffled once more. he's laid his entire body weight on top of you, only this time crushing your head into his bare chest.

"we should stay like this forever," he sighs dreamily.

"youre so mmmmf-" "what was that," he asks and pulls back, attacking you with kisses all over your face, your neck anywhere he can see skin

"i said you are insufferable," you say, finally getting the words out.

"and you are obsessed with me," another dimple pops out. he stops for a moment and stares down at you softly.

"what," your eyes crease into a smile of their own.

"you been using the salve because according to my calculations you should be in need of some more soon," his voice lowers. your hand reaches out to hold the side of his face.

"i'm almost out, but i think its healed enough," you reference the scar left behind from a wyvern. he traces it on your shoulder and nods firmly to himself.

"i'll grab some more on my way back from the rounds tonight," his determination holding your beating heart still.

"thank you," you hug him gently and he wraps you into his embrace. he lets go after a moment too long and reaches under the bed at his secret stash of chocolate he schemes off xaden and your eyes widen in delight.

"salted caramel, our fave," he giggles and drops a piece on to your tongue. you moan in delight and he kisses the remenants from the corner of your lips- the salt hitting his tastebuds first and then you.

“Are you always this charming? Or did someone put you up to this?” Her eyes bore back at him, both question and accusation. 

Garrick is unfazed, its not the first time a woman has questioned his interest, it just proves that she isn’t just a capable fighter, but also perceptive. 

“No one put me up to it, I’ve watched you fight and seen you converse with Emetterio, just thought you could show me some of those skills.” The lie rolls off his tongue, both truth and challenge. There’s a slight bite on his tongue at the sharpness of it, but he shakes it off. It isn’t the first time he’s started here and he’s certain it won’t be the last if Xaden has any say. 

If he wasn’t someone who enjoyed casual hookups, he would question why he was the one always assigned to leave broken hearts in his wake, but between Basgiath and his parents death, settling down isn’t in his personal vocabulary any longer. 

She stares back at him a moment longer before he’s caught off guard when her melodic laugh shoots straight through him. 

“You’re telling me, Mr. Can’t Keep It In His Pants, is just trying to be nice?” The incredulity on her face makes her eyes sparkle, something he hadn’t ever noticed before. She cocks an eyebrow, obvious challenge to the tale he’s spinning.

“I mean I wouldn’t be oppos-“ His words die on his tongue as a dagger he didn’t even see her grab slices through the air next to his neck, the bite of the blade grazing his skin and landing with a decisive thunk behind him. 

Garrick just stares – blinking. Of course he had been told no before, some women just didn’t bed hop, though those were few and far between since entering the rider’s quadrant. But this, this was new, and he didn’t know if he was mad or exhilarated by the sight. 

“Did you just throw a dagger at me?” The words are incredulous, almost as if that had never happened. But of course, plenty of daggers had been thrown his way, just not for this reason before. 

“If you want to flirt or get in my pants, you can move on Tavis. I’m not here for your good time.” Her voice is dismissive, turning back to the supply paperwork she had been working on keeping inventory of the weapons. 

The feistiness of the challenge heats his blood in a way no other woman has in the last two years. What’s the harm if there’s a little satisfaction along with accomplishing his mission? As long as he can get the numbers that are close enough to touch each week, anything that comes after would just be a bonus. 

“Well I’ve never backed away from a dare before, why start now?” His eyes light up as the annoyance sparks on her face. “Look, I’m trying to get another weapons proficiency and you’re apparently the only one who has it.”

It isn’t a total lie, but it’s definitely not the truth. Garrick is more than proficient with every single weapon available at Basgiath, but its no secret that she's the master when it comes to lances. A weapon not common in the school, not common in battle, but when wielded can extend the reach needed. 

Her quirked eyebrow is the only indication she gives that this is even a consideration. 

“I promise no flirting or trying to get in your pants. Just a student and a master.” He says while pointing between her and himself. 

A loud sigh of exasperation leaves her, and he can’t help the quirk to his lips as an adorable look of inconvenience passes across her face.

“Fine.” She says with exaggerated slowness. “But if you start getting any ideas, this is off.” She says gesturing between the two of them. 

As he walks back to the dorms, satisfaction settles in his chest, maybe this entire endeavor will be easier than he thought. 

___________

“Why the fuck does he always get to be the one to do this?” Bodhi whines as he looks between the other two boys.

“Because you don’t know how to operate when I tell you no feelings involved.” Xaden snaps back, irritated to have to explain this to Bodhi once again. 

Garrick sits on the chair, looking entirely too smug for his own good. “Last time we told you to do something like this, you ended up confessing in the first week.” Garrick’s snark is smart, though he isn’t about to pass the chance up to entertain the newly appointed logs master for Emmetterio. 

“But I was only eleven! And she’s way out of Garrick’s league.” Bodhi continues in protest. 

Garrick’s nose wrinkles, a look of aggravation stealing across his face. “She’s not out of my league. She’s beautiful and you’re just jealous.”

They all know this conversation is ridiculous. Are more than aware they shouldn’t be speaking about any woman this way, but this isn’t just for sport, it’s for survival. 

“She’s more than out of your league considering the display that she made in the dining hall two months ago.” Bodhi points his finger to both accusatorily. 

It doesn’t take much to drum up the memory of her walking up to Railan and slamming his face into his mashed potatoes, completely unprovoked. Or that he ended up in the infirmary with a broken wrist after she challenged him to a spar. Only for everyone to learn later that he had cheated on her with a scribe. 

“That’s different. I’m not going to cheat on her, just make her think I’m interested, get to know her and break up eventually – nothing more, nothing less. I just need her to trust me, if I get to bed her while at it, so be it.” The confidence radiating off Garrick coming in thick waves, assured that this whole plan will be easy. His earlier achievement with her solidifying his bravado.

“Quit the fucking bickering.“ Xaden commands, rubbing the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “You flirt with her, train with her, get her to bring you to the faculty offices and check the logs. We only need the information every two weeks. No one needs to be in a relationship, garner feelings, learn about childhoods or share secrets. This is just meant to be a simple transaction.”

Bodhi and Garrick look at Xaden and exchange their own glances, his entire description clearly hitting on something he’s done before. 

“She’s not fucking Catriona, Xaden. I’ve spoken to her before, and she doesn’t deserve to be used like that.”

“Maybe not, but we didn’t deserve our fate either, yet here we are.” With the words out of Xaden’s mouth, they all go silent. There isn’t any arguing with that, no way to brook a rebuttal when no one bothered to do it for any of them at the respective ages of sixteen and seventeen. 

“I already spoke with her today. She’s going to train me with lances and I’m going to get the weapons proficiency. If we train enough, there’s no way not to break her down at some point.” The plan seems simple enough, train and get the information they need. Besides, Garrick has enough women banging on his door, having to settle for a friendly relationship won’t be an issue. 

___________

“You’re late Tavis.” She calls as the lance sails through the air landing square in the mat at his feet. The version of the weapon a crude one compared to the intricate piece standing tall next to the woman who is currently glaring at him. 

“Didn’t know that it was imperative to be here at the exact moment asked.” It’s a ridiculous comment, he knows well enough that if someone says a specific time, it’s always abided by. However, he couldn’t help the run to the forge that kept him longer than he was hoping. 

“You are a soldier, aren’t you? If nothing else, you should know by now punctuality is not a request, it’s a demand.” Garrick’s blood continues to heat, the forceful nature of her words and her air of confidence lighting a fire he isn’t here to stroke. 

“Well then I guess you’ll just have to punish me with some grueling drills I suppose.”

She doesn’t even wait, words that were meant to be playful striking a chord he didn’t know there was to stroke, before slicing forward with the triple blade at the end. Garrick staggers back, caught off guard by the ferocity of her reply to his teasing words. 

“I told you before, I’m not here to flirt. If you want to work, then fine, otherwise, don’t waste my time.” Her words cut as sharp as the blade she wields. Garrick nods in acknowledgment, the challenge to focus singing the song of battle in his blood. 

“Grab the lance and take your fighting stance. Let’s see exactly what you have down already.” 

As she retakes her stance, the fight in her eyes burning, Garrick can’t help but think how impossibly attractive she is. Battle lines sharp, eyes even keener, yet posture relaxed, as if she’s been fighting for her life far longer than she leads on. He can’t help the way his eyebrow quirks, its possible they have more in common than he thinks.

___________

Days turn into weeks, and Wednesday evenings begin to be his favorites. The routine one he dares to hope for, a lesson with a woman not afraid to claim her readiness for war. A weapon in both her sharp edges and even sharper tongue. Though he would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit it was the cooling off after weapons practice that was truly his favorite. 

Her eyes that once only studied him in suspicion begin to soften, a recognition and appreciation of their time spent together. Perhaps it was because he was an eager student, always latching on to each lesson and trying to perfect the technique before their next session. Or perhaps it was the way in which she began to reveal the softness that still resonated under the sharp exterior. 

Another Wednesday, another day when he pulled his strength, reining it in so she always had a slight upper hand. 

“When are you going to use your full strength?” She asks breathlessly.

Garrick can’t hide his surprise, brows shooting up as he turns back to face her again. She gives him a look back that screams please, you don’t think I noticed, come now. For once in his life, Garrick feels sheepish. Most girls he’d been with never thought much about his power or his body as a weapon, well everyone except Imogen, but they’d known each other since childhood. 

For a moment he’s speechless, how can he explain that he’d been going easy without explaining why he was there in the first place. But even then, was that why he continued showing up every Wednesday?

He blinks, clearing away the surprise before falling back to his usual teasing. “Didn’t think you were ready to handle all of me?”

He watches as her brow rises in surprise and sarcasm. She’s less than impressed with his retort, he can read that plainly on her face. Though he doesn’t even have the chance to reply when she rolls to the side and swipes the lance under his feet, blades slicing through the leather of the mat. 

She doesn’t stop there either, letting the weapons arc and come full circle, blunt edge heading straight for his head. Arms raise in instinct to block, reverberations shooting through his arms as the weapons clash. Though it’s the crack that suddenly begins that has him looking up. Without warning, the wooden shaft splinters and fractures in too many directions. 

“Shit!” She calls as he stumbles back trying to clear his vision from the shards. Falling on his backside, the impact rocking the cuts now marring his arms. 

“Fuck.” Garrick groans out as he tries to still his eyes, a shard clearly roving uninvited in his eye. Eyes still closed, he can feel a tentative hand land on his shoulder, making his head turn.

“Hey, it’s just me.” She calls out in a soothing voice he’d never heard from her before. “Can you open your eyes for me?”

“There’s a shard stuck in there somewhere. Having a hard time opening it.” He responds in the direction of her hand that still rests on his shoulder.

“Okay. Can you lay down and I’m going to get some water to try and wash it out.” Her hand leaves him; a sudden coldness meets the skin where it was resting. 

In seconds, he hears the familiar click of boots and the squeal of leather as she kneels next to him, the unmistakable slosh of water greeting his ears. 

“Is it both eyes or just one in particular?”

Garrick moves both, and the right sings in pain. “Seems to just be the right side.”

“Try to open your eye just a little so the water can wash through. It’s cold so it may sting a little, and I’m sorry for that.” She says as one arm rests on his face, cradling it towards her and the sounds of water.

A sudden gasp leaves him as the icy water begins to meander down his face and over his eye. A finger begins idly stroking his cheek, a move he’s unsure if she even realizes she’s doing. Minutes later, the feeling of water sluicing over his face fades and he feels her palm drag down the side of his face. 

“Can you try moving your eyes again and see if that did the trick?” Her voice is tentative, apologetic in a way he’d never heard from anyone. 

Through closed lids he tentatively moves them left and right, there’s still discomfort in one, but the worst of the pain has dissipated. 

“I think you got it out.” Garrick replies as he begins to flutter his eyes open, readjusting to the brightness of the sparring gym. 

Vision focusing, his eyes find her face, concern painting her features from above and he thinks it might just be the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. His eyes flare in shock at his own thoughts, a mental reprimand – no feelings he reminds himself. 

“Does it still hurt?” Her voice doesn’t raise, the concern still peaked through every word. “We should probably get you to the healers, just in case.”

Her hand moves down his arm, a gentle coaxing touch, before she grabs his hand and begins to pull him forward. Garrick opens his eyes in a squint while watching her actions carefully. As soon as he’s standing, he pulls his hand away feeling scorched by the heat of her hand. 

“Sorry.” She says as though she takes the blame for the entire incident. “Do you want me to help you to the healers? I understand if not.”

He can’t believe the way she has seemed to curl into herself, her usual commanding presence turning unsure. A pang surges through his chest, and he rubs at it without understanding why. 

“You know that wasn’t your fault, right?” His words are quiet, holding the hope to soothe the discomfort that seems to run through her.

“Well, either way, I am sorry.” She repeats as she begins to pick up the shards that litter the space around him.

Garrick is unsure how to move forward. He tries to wrack his brain for moments like this, but soon realizes that no one has apologized to him, especially not in Basgiath. Why apologize to the son of a traitor? A traitor himself. Why apologize to someone who moves from bed to bed, never staying long enough to matter?

Gods. Has he really just forgotten how to be human?

Instead of acknowledgment, he just moves. Walks towards the doors of the sparring room only turning for a second to look back as the doors close behind him. 

______________

“What did you do to her?” Bodhi’s voice greets Garrick as he continues towards the battle brief room.

“What the hell are you on about? Who her?” Bodhi gives him an unimpressed look in return as they both enter into the room. 

Without trying, his eyes roam the room, looking for a woman who showed him more compassion than the average person here. Garrick can’t help the way his shoulders tense when his eyes finally land on her. Instead of her usual proud stance, her shoulders curl in slightly, and he doesn’t miss the white bandages that wrap tightly across her knuckles. Eyes narrowing as they finally clock the blood that has begun to seep through the white cloth. 

“You know damned well who I’m referring to.” Bodhi’s head cocks to the side as he follows Garrick’s line of sight. “Heard through the grapevine that her squadmate found her in the gym beating the punching bag like she has a vendetta against it.”

Garrick turns looking at Bodhi, expecting to see the laughter in his eyes and the lie, but it’s not there. “What does that have to do with me?”

“Well since you were the last one, she spoke to and she told her squadmate that she just lost track of time while training, I’m just assuming.”

Garrick’s eyes swing towards her again, not believing that she would punish herself for something that wasn’t her fault. But, he understood the compulsion better than most. What was there if you didn’t punish yourself for the one’s you couldn’t protect? Gods, he, Xaden, and Bodhi were walking advertisements for doing just that. 

For the second time since he was tasked with this, he felt his chest tighten, the thought of inflicting more pain on you tearing at his insides. 

“Regretting your assignment yet?” Bodhi prods as he studies Garrick’s face. 

Garrick just scoffs in response, but they both know he agrees without even speaking. He needs to move this along and get in and out of it as fast as possible. The last thing he wants is to inflict more pain than necessary. 

He tries to concentrate through battle brief, but he can’t get her bloodied knuckles out of his mind. His fist closes around the pen that he has poised on parchment, the creaking of the force on it dragging looks from Xaden and Bodhi. 

Taking a deep breath, Garrick adjusts himself, letting his eyes slide shut to get away from the incessant want to look her way. Bodhi’s snicker makes his eyes open and he glares back at him while he feels Xaden lean closer.

“Should I have Bodhi take over?” The question is quiet, but it causes Garrick’s heart to race erratically. 

“No.” He says, almost too quickly to be casual.

Xaden doesn’t ask anything else, just sits back in his chair. 

As soon as Devera closes her lecture, Garrick is on his feet, striding to the nearest column. He watches as cadets file out, unaware that he still stands there. When the familiar fall of hair passes, his hand shoots out and wraps snugly around her wrist, halting her movements. 

She whirls, dagger raised in defense, blood beginning to drip from her hand at the pull of the action on her wounds. Garrick isn’t surprised, he doesn’t try to defend himself, he knows that she’s used to being hunted. It’s showcased in the way she trains, how she constantly battles to be better, to perfect every movement. 

He watches as her eyes widen in shock, moving quickly to apology and remorse, to finally settle on irritation. “Is there a reason you go grabbing people like that?”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” He rushes out, knowing that if he doesn’t push through it, he’ll never give her what he should have yesterday. “I shouldn’t have left like that after you helped. It wasn’t your fault, and I never thought it was.”

Garrick is mesmerized as he watches her ire soften, the ridge of tension in her shoulders easing as he continues to talk. 

“And I wanted to see if you’d like to hang out after dinner.” Her eyes are now narrowing again, but this time trying to read exactly what he’s trying to say. “No weapons. No flirtations. Just talking to smooth over everything and get to know each other outside of the shattering of weapons.”

She continues to study him, clearly trying to parse out if he is lying or not. Garrick doesn’t move, his facial expressions don’t change, every single thing is as neutral as it possibly can be. After moments, she sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose.

“Fine.” She huffs out before pointing her finger at him. “But no funny business, or I walk.”

With that comment she turns and heads back towards her squad, her closest friend wrapping her arm around her and pulling her away. Garrick watches as she walks away, appreciation lighting up his features as she moves farther from view.

“How hard are you going to try to flirt with her now?” Xaden asks as he follows Garrick’s line of sight to the two girls heading to their other classes.

“Not at all.” Garrick turns his head to Xaden and quirks an eyebrow at his best friend. 

“You mean to tell me that she truly got you to keep it in your pants?”

The words are all accusation, and Garrick wants to deny it, but he can’t, his own reputation warranted. 

“She asked me not to, so I won’t. I just need to get back on equal footing after yesterday and this is the best way to get into her good graces again. Besides, if we start hanging out, maybe she’ll finally drag me to see those logs.”

Xaden shakes his head in agreement as they both begin walking to their next class.

___________

“You’re lying.” She says, though the amusement dancing in her eyes and the smirk on her lips belies her words. 

“No, I’m not.” Garrick chuckles as he leans his head back on his forearm. Gone is the hard and stoic soldier, the constant tease, and he’s peeled back the veneers and let her see him. The real him.

“You mean to tell me that you ate an entire chocolate cake yourself, in less than an hour, just because you didn’t want to share with Xaden?” She repeats, still incredulous.

“You, my dear, haven’t seen Xaden with chocolate cake.” The minute the words leave his mouth, her head tilts back, a harmonizing melody of laughter slipping from her lips. 

The smile of amusement plastered on his face falls, though it gives way to something softer, a look of complete adoration. A look he’s never given any other woman. The sound reverberates through his bones, lighting up the hollows of his chest that have been vacant since losing his mother. 

As her laughter begins to fade, she looks back at him, a question in her eyes.

“You have a beautiful laugh.” The words roll off his tongue, the truth lined in every word. The smile that tugs at his lips is impossible to hide as he watches her face flush, pink dusting her full cheeks. 

She falls onto the grass next to him, hands trying to hide the flush still rising on her face. “Are you sure you aren’t flirting?” Question coming out muffled from the fingers covering her mouth. 

“I promise.” His own laugh answers as he goes to move one of her hands. “You asked me not to and I’ll always respect your wishes.”

She finally brings her hands away from her face and faces him again. 

“Thank you.” She whispers as a soft smile curves her lips, both of them falling in a contended conversation. 

____________

“I feel like I’m going fucking insane. The numbers were correct a week ago and now we’re short another thirty.” She grumbles as she sits at her desk, Garrick making himself at home on the floor of her room. 

A month of trading stories, sparring, and general friendliness has turned into nights together. 

“Bring it down here and let me take a look.” Garrick says, his voice coated in a lazy nonchalance.

She looks between him and the sheet between her fingers, a dip creasing between her brows. “I’m not supposed to show this to anyone other than Emetterio.” She comments worrying her bottom lip.

“I won’t say anything to anyone.” Garrick hopes his tone is comforting, because the lie is beginning to make his own throat constrict.

“Fine.” She concedes before adding. “But if you do, you have to promise to never eat chocolate cake again.”

Garrick gasps at her, his hand covering his heart. “How dare you threaten my favorite dessert!” The mock exasperation paints his voice and expression, but her own is serious.

“Fine.” He grumbles finally. 

She sits on the floor next to him, scooting to meet his own shoulders. The touch sends a shiver skating through his body; he looks over to find her poised over the paper trying desperately to reconcile the numbers correctly. 

For an hour they pour over the numbers. His eyes roam the entire report, soaking in every bit of information he can. 

“Are you sure they didn’t miscalculate the raw material available or utilize too much? That could explain the lack of weaponry, correct?” He tries to explain away the missing daggers, full well knowing they are sitting in a bag in Xaden’s armoire. 

“That may be true, it seems like the smiths are getting a little heavy handed in their weapons skills. This has been happening since I was assigned to help Emetterio. It’s the whole reason that I was given the assignment.” She ponders, giving him more information that he’d ever thought he’d get from her. 

They sit there looking over the numbers more, but neither comes up with any other explanations, both eventually returning back to their own assignments. The guilt that wasn’t there before begins to gnaw at Garrick’s thoughts, he knows the true answer, is aware why the logs will never be correct, but his lips remained sealed. 

Her yawn cuts through the companionable silence that had descended on them, the only other sound the scribble of pens as they both continued to work.

“I think I’m going to head to bed.” She says as another yawn slips past. 

Garrick rises, gathering his things into his own pack. As he rises to his full height, he sees that she’s stepped closer and his eyes get caught on her lips. The sudden urge to capture her soft pink mouth with his own. 

He turns, the thought still lingering. As she opens the door, Garrick turns back, in his mind intending only to say good night, but without thinking he leans down and softly touches her lips with his own. It isn’t anything like the usually stormy kisses, ones exchanged in passion and desperation, just looking for release. 

This is sweet, caring, and the opposite of every single thing he should be doing. Garrick pulls back, apology sitting on his tongue. But, before he can speak, her hand threads through his hair and yanks him back towards her. Their lips meet again, it still isn’t hot, still a little tentative, but there’s no denying the fire that has begun to spread in every vein. 

When they part again, her face is flushed, a beautiful blush rising to her cheeks and a sweet smirk crosses his lips. 

“Will I see you tomorrow?” She asks tentatively, as if dreading the response.

“Of course, if you want to.” Garrick replies, before bending down and stealing one more kiss. 

The only response she gives is a shy smile as she slowly closes the door to her room. A smile tears at his face, dimple on full display as he revels in this turn of events. Boots clicking through the stairwell as he returns to the third-year floor.

Though the minute he opens his own door, it drops as Xaden sits in his chair, clearly waiting on a report. 

“Getting in too deep there, Tavis?” His smirk is dirty, a knowing look that Garrick hates. 

Garrick refuses to answer, to play Xaden’s game. He tasked him with finding out information, and he will, but he wants to keep her too. There must be a way to keep both.

“They’re aware of the discrepancy between the ore their producing and the weapons that are fired. Though it seems like the smiths are being blamed for being heavy-handed.” Garrick report, monotoned. He refuses to give anything else but the facts he learned, Xaden doesn’t need to know he kissed her.

Xaden doesn’t need to know that the minute she pulled him forward that Garrick knew he was in trouble. Knew that he was treading a wire he never wanted to be put on. 

“Probably should hold off on pilfering anything for a week or so, let the numbers wash out correctly.” Xaden nods as Garrick continues, they have to be practical in order to operate under the noses of the Basgiath cadre. 

“Agreed.” Xaden says rising from the chair. “Keep it up, seems like your little project is starting to trust you.”

“Don’t call her that.” Garrick snaps as Xaden walks into the hall. 

Xaden’s brow quirks at the response. “It wouldn’t be good to get involved, you know. Things like this always end badly.”

“Says the king of no feelings.” Garrick grumbles as he turns and closes the door in his best friend’s face.

He’s aware this isn’t ideal, that he’s going to have even more secrets to hide, but gods, he doesn’t want to give you up. Not just yet.

 ______________________

“Hey there.” Garrick greets as he opens her door. 

Her smile in response lights up every tired part of his heart. Stepping in, he takes in the simplicity, not just in the décor of the space, but also the ease that she exudes. His body begins to sag in exhaustion.

How long has it been since he’s had a good night’s sleep?

She rises from her chair, hair loose and swaying, light training clothes hugging each curve of her body as she strides quickly towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing him down to her level. 

“Hi.” She breathes after she kisses him quickly. 

She takes his hand and brings Garrick further into the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. 

“Glad to be back from being pulled to the midlands?” She asks as Garrick sinks down on her bed, slotting herself between his parted legs. 

The lie hits him in the chest and he drags her forward, burying his guilt into her stomach. His own stomach turns sour, churning at his own lies. Calloused hands splay across her back, anchoring himself to her, desperate to chase away the lies and demons clinging to his skin.

“Glad to be with you.” He breathes as he hugs her tighter, the tension from the drop finally releasing from his shoulders.

“That bad?” Her words are soft, her voice the only real thing in his life. 

“At this point, I think anything that involves days away from you may just be the worst.” Garrick grumbles as his thumbs trace circles into her lower back. 

The sweet sound of laughter greets his ears, and he pulls himself back, every ounce of hardness melting at the musical reverberation. His eyes light up at the sound, warmth pouring back in after days without her. Garrick can’t help himself, can’t stop the need to erase any distance between him. 

He pulls her down, a shriek of giggles following as she lands on top of him in the bed. In a flash he as her back to the bed and leans over her, head resting on his palms.

“Never stop laughing.” He whispers as he pushes hair from her cheeks, pink with the remnants of happiness. 

“Are you getting sentimental, Section Leader?” The question is meant to be teasing, but the smile on her face makes it all too real. 

“I don’t know about sentimentality, but I’m not sure if the sun would be quite as bright without that beautiful sound.” 

Their eyes meet and Garrick can barely breathe around the tightness in his chest. Her eyes are a beautiful mélange of adoration and love, emotions that he’s never thought would be directed at him. Her hand rises and she cups his cheek, the tenderness causing him to melt into her touch. 

“Let’s get some sleep. You’ve been out a while and need it.” She says as she continues to map his face with her hand. He leans into her, head resting on her chest as her hand moves through his hair. 

Garrick’s arms tighten around her as the precarious situation with the woman underneath his cheek begins to plague his mind. 

“Please stay.” The words are barely a whisper, but no less a plea. Want wrapped up in utter desperation. He isn’t even sure she heard him, her heartbeat steady and hand tangled in his curls.

“Always.” It’s returned on barely a whisper as he hears her breathing even out. At that, his arms wrap around her, impossibly closer, clawing desperately to hold onto something he feels like he’s already lost. 

________________

“How’s your new toy, Tavis?” Imogen questions as she appears in the training gym, the smirk on her face indicating there’s more to the question than just face value.

“What are you on about Imogen?” His words are curt, being up since dawn on leadership meetings cutting his patience thin. 

“Didn’t know if you’ve seen her today. She seemed to be on a warpath of sorts when she stormed through the dining hall earlier.” Garrick’s eyes narrow, suspicion growing uncomfortably. 

He studies Imogen’s face, the too-satisfied smirk, the eagerness to engage in whatever this question entails causing his hackles to rise. Without waiting on Imogen’s convoluted skirting of the topic, he storms out of the training gym, sure-footed steps taking him to the familiar door that he’s spent so many hours behind. 

Before reaching the handle, his hand is moving, lesser magic working to click the lock, but as Chradh’s magic flows, nothing happens. The door, the very same door he opened yesterday, stays stubbornly closed. He swallows hard, heart tightening as if a fist has been wrapped around the organ, uncertainty weaving through every breath he takes. 

Garrick knocks, three times, a fourth, and still nothing. The door remains stubbornly closed, not a hint of movement on the other side. 

“Don’t think you’ll find her in there. And even if you did, I doubt she’d let you in.” Imogen’s words are filled with satisfaction, the kind that means his own world is breaking. 

“What the fuck happened?” Garrick snarls, worry and fury melding equally wrapping a fist around his throat.

A snarled chuckle is returned, Imogen straightening in the doorway across. “I believe Xaden may be the one who should be answering your question.” Her only words before opening her own door and disappearing through the threshold. 

Garrick doesn’t stop, taking the staircase, two at a time, pace frantic. He doesn’t knock, doesn’t wait for Xaden’s command to enter, no that is for civilized conversations, and this one is decidedly not.

“What the fuck did you do, Riorson?” Garrick’s furious gaze takes in the room. Xaden sat in his chair at his desk, Liam hovering behind, and Bodhi comfortable on the bed. 

Liam and Bodhi turn when the door slams open, eyes widened in shock, but Xaden doesn’t even turn his head. 

“I did what you were supposed to do two months ago.” Xaden’s tone is flat, a finality to the words that has the panic in Garrick’s throat tightening. “Or let her overhear it at least.”

Garrick’s entire world stops. The words clanging in his brain but making absolutely no sense.

“Overhear, what?” The whispered snarl drips venom, fury rising faster than the ocean tide. 

“Bodhi, Liam, go.” Xaden orders to the two other men, but Garrick doesn’t trust himself.

“No, you stay.”

Xaden lifts a challenging brow, but it’s the only emotion revealed before he turns back to his desk. 

“I let her overhear Bodhi and I discussing the shortages that were on the logs. Let her realize that the secret she told you to keep wasn’t a secret at all.” The explanation is blasé, every word rolling off Xaden’s tongue as if he’s only discussing the weather. 

Red. Everything is fucking red. 

Garrick’s temper flares and he turns and pounds his fist into the door, splintering the wood in several spots. Breathing ragged, he turns back to the men in the room, eyes narrowed in a deathly glare.

“When the fuck will it be time for you to keep the fuck out of everything in our lives? You can’t dictate the people we choose to be with. Fuck, Xaden! Just because you want to be fucking miserable and pine over the General’s fucking daughter, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to!” 

Xaden shoots out of his chair, both men facing off, fury radiating in a wave of heat the temperature of dragon fire. 

“I’ll keep out of everything when the scars rest on your back, Garrick.” The words are low, in tone and threat. 

Garrick’s nostrils flare and eyes widen. This, this is what it always boils down to. The threat that will forever hang over their heads. 

“How about you two settle this like normal, in the sparring gym?” Liam suggests as he slowly approaches the two men.

“No. I’m tired of this. Of this looming threat every time we don’t fall in fucking line.” Garrick presses, rising to his full height, making use of the inches he has on his best friend. “I’m your best friend. I’ve always listened, followed orders, gotten you out of scrapes, helped move along plans, but when is it fucking enough, Xaden? When will our debt to you be paid?”

“Do we all have to be miserable and alone, hopping from bed to bed for the rest of our lives because something worth dying for is dangerous to you? You sit here and dictate Liam to follow around Sorrengail. You say its for protection, but hell, we all know you’re in love with her.” Xaden’s shock registers for only seconds, the emotion gone in a blink.

“Even if Liam’s interested in someone, how can he compete with the schedule you gifted him? She has an entire fucking squad and every single one of your circle constantly protecting her, at what cost? Living, Xaden, at the cost of living!” Words begin tumbling out, the grief of something Garrick may have lost pushing him past restraint. 

“And you do what? Take away the one thing I had that didn’t feel like a burden, that brought back a little bit of peace. Why? Because for once, I was happy? For once I didn’t have to rely on flirtation and sarcasm to feel something. Godsdamnit, Xaden – just why?” The fight has drained. 

Fury giving way to resignation and sadness. Garrick turns, not giving any of them to speak, and walks out the door. His steps don’t falter, each one beginning to fill his boots with lead. The threat of what he expects to find burying itself in worry. 

But as he searches every single nook and cranny of Basgiath, he comes up empty. It’s as though she has disappeared. At the dining hall in the evening, he searches again, his heart in his throat as he waits to face the punishment for the way he used her. Frantic responses roll about in his head, any way that he can possibly rectify the situation. 

_______________

Words and ideas are wasted as days pass and there is still no sign of her. Her door still inaccessible, her form missing every battle brief, the sparring gym bereft with no logs being taken regarding weaponry. The walls scream as they seem to shrink with each day that passes.

Garrick watches her squad, noting the way they even search for the familiar face. A gnawing unease begins to eat at his very being. It isn’t just their relationship, but what if someone else heard Xaden, heard that she had broken protocol.

Worst cases begin to swirl in Garrick’s mind, closing his eyes, all he can see is her bloody and broken, chained because of his choices. 

‘Is Cois in the Vale?’ Garrick questions Chradh as the third day of nothing comes to a close.

‘Your human squabbles are not my responsibility.’ The grumpy brown replies, though there’s no real bite.

‘Please Chradh. I need to find her.’ The words are an appeal to the brown’s loyalty. 

‘Cois is in the Vale. But she will not share any details, unless you want her to continue trying to snap my neck.’ The response does nothing to soothe the worry in Garrick’s mind. 

Garrick breaks out into the courtyard, steps desperate to find something to settle his mind. Before he makes his tenth stride, pacing across each stone, light footsteps skirting rocks along the cobbled path. His eyes rise and his heart stops. 

She stands there, bloody from head to toe, hair mussed with dirt and grime, leathers torn and barely clinging to her form. Her steps continue, slow and overly measured, trying to push past pain. One of her eyes so bruised, it is sealed shut, cuts marring her beautiful face. 

When awareness finally hits again, Garrick is moving, strides eating up the distance in seconds, but a panicked voice makes him stop. 

“No.” The word leaves her lips, but pain and fear are etched across her face. She tries to straighten, stand up to her full height, but Garrick doesn’t miss the small hiss of pain. 

Garrick’s hand rises, his palms itching to hold her, to touch her and make sure she’s truly standing in front of him. 

“I said no.” The words are more forceful this time, malice sliding into her voice. 

“I asked you to keep what I told you to yourself. Didn’t think I needed to explain that I would be punished if anyone else found out about it. I trusted you, thought giving you my trust meant something in return.” She shakes her head, as if disappointed by herself. “I didn’t know that I was just a fucking project for you to pretend with. Just a little plaything for whatever you and Riorson have going on.”

Her eyes land on a point behind her, but Garrick can barely breathe, let alone focus on anything else.

“So, I hope you enjoy what your little game cost. Maybe next time you and your best friend will consider the people that will have to face the consequences of your actions. But I should commend you, Tavis, I truly thought you cared about me. Thought all the rumors of the quadrant were really a lie.”

An indignant huff leaves her lips, the split on them opening back up. “More fool me, I guess, just another pawn in whatever game you enjoy playing. So bravo, I hope you enjoyed every minute of it.”

Her eyes move, a form coming and stepping up next to her.

“Let’s get you to the healers.” Her squadmate says while glaring at Garrick. 

Everything comes crashing down. Her words settling into every broken crevice. Garrick swallows, trying desperately to give voice to anything, but the words are stuck in his throat. Every apology, every damn wish to make it better, to take her place, burning like bile as it sits, not making it past his lips. 

Instead, he watches as she limps away, watches as she drags his heart along with her. Wild energy coils inside him, the force making his entire body vibrate. Before he can blink, he’s entered the training room, walked up to the nearest punching bag, and the next sound that greets his ears is skin hitting leather as he blasts each bag past its point. His mind races as the skin on his knuckles begins to burn, fingers fracturing the only feeling that can get past the barriers of his anger, his misery. 

Garrick doesn’t know how long he stays there, how long he lets his blood pool on the floor, skin torn from his knuckles. It isn’t until exhaustion begins to settle, reality clawing its way back in, but the pain from his split skin is nothing. Nothing compared to the pieces his own heart has fallen into. 

“You should get those bloodied knuckles mended. Doesn’t look good for a Section Leader to let anger get the best of him.” Xaden’s words float to him, Garrick turning to see him settled on the wall closest to the door. 

Garrick scoffs, ire still burning between them. He walks towards the door, intent on ignoring Xaden like they have been for the last few days. But before he crosses the threshold, he turns, eyes hard.

“I pray to Amari that you never have to see the woman you love beaten and bloodied for your actions. For all the things you never told her. Eye swollen shut because you’re just another traitor. Beautiful face full of cuts and bruises, that even when mended will leave a mark on your soul.” He pauses, letting his words settle between them. “Because no matter what you do, no matter how much time passes, no one and nothing will be able to take that mark away. The mark that your love left on her, and not one of gentle compassion and devotion, one that mars you both.” 

Garrick walks away then, lets their choices settle between them. The true cost of rebellion, the cost of war.

________________

Garrick tries desperately to seek her out. To plead his case and tell her that she was never a project, that his need for her was never something he faked. It was the only real thing he had for himself.

Every time, she is surrounded by squadmates, by loyal friends that help pick up her pieces when they learned of his betrayal. He knows that he isn’t worthy, he never may be, but it doesn’t change the way that his entire being cries out for the chance to be with her again. To feel her nimble fingers tangle in his curls, her melodic laugh reverberate through his chest. All the quiet ways in which she showed him love. 

The older years gather in the sparring gym, challenges resumed on a higher level, skills expertise being analyzed by the professors. He doesn’t take his eyes off of her. 

Garrick’s hands fist when her opponent is called. 

Oswyn. Fucking Del Oswyn. The man that had been trailing her for months after she slammed her ex’s head into the table. The smile that lights up Oswyn’s face is the very definition of sinister, the gleam in his eye pleased amusement. 

Garrick watches as she walks to the mat, posture rigid, but held with power and purpose. She wasn’t quite as aware of Oswyn’s attempts, especially since Garrick gave him a black eye when he found him watching her through the door of the sparring gym one night. After that Oswyn backed off, clearly not willing to mess with the threats Garrick had levelled.

But now, now he wasn’t there, wasn’t a barrier to all the other men that would seek to use or hurt her. It didn’t matter; he would do anything to make sure that Oswyn played by the rules. There was no doubt in Garrick’s mind that she could take down Oswyn, but he was also aware that Oswyn wasn’t beyond playing dirty. 

They circled each other, the familiar dance of sparring, opponents sizing up each other, looking for weakness, any way to gain the advantage. He only caught it because of the scrutiny, the slight hitch in Oswyn’s stance, the indicator that something was hidden, a weapon he didn’t normally keep there. 

She lunged, fist aimed squarely for his jaw, but a quick step to the left and he was out of reach. She countered, body swerving quickly to follow his retreat. Oswyn’s boot came up, the glint of metal streaking and before anyone could react, it swiped through her ribs. 

Garrick could only watch as the pain stole across her face, hand gripping her side, blood seeping through her fingers. She didn’t fall. With her left hand, she grabbed the curved dagger at her side, a weapon clearly made solely for its wielder. The blade cut across his boot, hidden dagger falling to the ground. 

A scream tore through her lips as she sliced the blade across his knee, bringing him to the mat. Oswyn tried to swipe for her feet, but a dagger was flung, holding the sleeve of his arm to the floor. 

“He yields.” Emetterio announces. 

She turns; familiar eyes meeting Garrick’s with triumph. Before she can spin away, her face crumples and everyone around them erupts. Garrick looks down at Oswyn and a malicious look runs across his face, before she falls to her knees. 

Garrick’s eyes widen as he sees the handle of the blade slotted through her back. Panic ceases his lungs, before his feet move. Anger turning him into a weapon, meant only for destruction, to inflict maximum pain on the ones that seek to hurt her.

Her squadmates rush to her, two lifting gently and quickly rushing out towards the healers. As soon as the doors swing shut, Garrick’s fist wraps around Oswyn’s throat, his other hand twisting and pulling the air from his lungs. Distant orders sound in his ears, but his focus is on the bastard in front of him. The one who may have just cost the life of the girl he would willingly trade his own for. Garrick’s face closes in on the fear filled eyes in front of him, a glare as sharp as the daggers strapped to his ribs.

“If you dare to lay another fucking hand on her, your life is forfeit. Challenge or not. You. Will. Die.” The last words are punctuated, a wrath of righteous fury running through his veins. 

As the last word leaves his lips, he closes his wielding fist and releases his grip on Oswyn’s throat. He steps back two steps, the picture of control, though the hazel in his eyes has hardened to a molten gold. Walking away from the mat, he slams the doors open and walks out, steps firm and steady, but his heart beats wildly in his chest. 

Approaching the bridge to the healer’s quadrant, he sees the shadows move, whisps beginning to drag over his feet. His steps halt, head turning slightly, finding Xaden standing a few feet behind. 

“You need to go back to your post.” Xaden’s words are command and directive wrapped into one.

“No.” Garrick replies, finality sweeping through the word as he continues to look over his shoulder. “I’ve let you decree enough of my life. I’ll always be there to stand by your side and help in every way I can, but I will no longer let it be at her expense.”

With that, Garrick moves, steps continuing to carry him forward to the healer’s quadrant. Opening the doors, he’s met with chaos, light blue robes fluttering in every direction. He scans the hall, looking for any sign of black and continually comes up short.

The next time a healer passes in front of him, his hand shoots out, blocking her from escaping. “I’m looking for a rider that was brought in with a knife in her back. Where is she?”

He doesn’t even register the words he says, the actuality slicing through his own heart.

“I believe she’s in with Nolon. They aren’t allowing anyone in, you can wait outside with the other two that brought her in, if you stay out of the way.” The healer recites before flitting away to another duty.  

Garrick’s boots clip against the stone floor, footsteps heavy, echoing the dread that has clawed up his throat since he watched her face crumple. Wrath and fury turning to panic and dread. 

The familiar forms of her squadmates come into view, both turning to observe the newcomer. 

“If you’re here to drive the knife in further, you can turn around right now Section Leader.” The honorific slips from the man’s lips like a slur, Calvin or Caylin, he can’t remember. 

“I’m here to make sure she’s alright, Cadet.” Garrick isn’t afraid of him, but he won’t spit in the face of the way her squad cares for her either. “She can tell me to leave once she’s healed and awake.”

_________________

Minutes turn into hours, the agony of waiting pulsing under Garrick’s skin. He’s unsure when he started, but the dagger continues to twirl end over end as he waits outside the door. The hall is too quiet, no sound reverberating from outside the door, healers walking in and out, somber expressions plastered to their faces, bloodied sheets wrapped in their hands. 

As he focuses on another set of red stained sheets, his throat works, trying to swallow down the chance that he may never see her open her eyes ever again. But just as he begins walking the line of worst case scenarios, Nolon walks out. Every inch of the older man is sunken, tired from the toll of mending, shoulders hunched, exhaustion pulling at every feature. 

“She’s – stable.” The words are soft, meant to be reassuring, but the pause between says there’s more he isn’t saying. 

“She’s going to be unconsicious for some time.” He continues, his eyes turned down. “She lost a significant amount of blood and the blade knicked her kidney.”

Nolon looks up then, face somber, straight to her two squadmates. “If you wouldn’t have gotten her here when you did, I’m not sure she’d still be alive.”

Those words cause Garrick’s lungs to cease. The truth that he almost lost her a second time collapsing his carefully crafted control. He wants to rush to her, to beg her to wake up, to hit him, scream at him, hate him – anything. 

“You’re welcome to see her, but I’d suggest you all get some sleep. She’ll most likely be out for a day or so, if not longer.” Nolon’s words are supposed to be a comfort, to soothe the worry, but it does nothing to tamp the frantic nerves that still course through Garrick’s body. 

Nolon turns and walks towards another wing of the infirmary, but Garrick’s eyes stay on the door of her room. He can feel her squadmates look to him, they want to push him away, to make him leave, but he won’t, not until he can see the sunlight hit the familiar orbs that have been haunting him both waking and sleeping. 

“I’m assuming you aren’t going to leave her to rest, are you?” The words are inquisitive, the sharp edge that was there before dying slightly. 

“No. I’m not leaving until she’s awake.” The words are out of Garrick’s mouth as he steps forward, his hand resting hesitantly on the doorknob. “You both can rest, I’ll be here.”

He doesn’t wait for them to respond, hesitation finally wiped away as he pushes the door wide. Eyes settling on the form on the bed, all the blood rushes from his face. There, laid in the middle, is his girl that looks smaller than she ever has before. All color has leeched from her face, the normal warmth of her skin tone faded to a sickly hue. Her eyes are sunken in, deep purple bruises underneath her dark lashes. 

Garrick’s jaw tightens, his jaw feathering with held tension, every inch of his body locked. He wants to say it’s because of his control, because he can never let things slip, but it’s truly because the guilt is surging faster and harder than before. The woman he loves hurt because he wasn’t by her side.

He hesitated, didn’t move when he should have, didn’t predict the threat, even when it was right in front of him. The only thing moving him forward is the shallow rise and fall of her chest, the one thing holding him in the room and not running to kill Oswyn. Fuck the useless threats. 

His chest begins to match hers, her steady breathing dragging his feet closer and closer, until he’s next to her bed, his larger fingers curling around her own. It’s that contact that brings the control crashing down. 

Tears that he hadn’t shed since he watched his parents burn falling down his face in sheets. The truth behind every missed moment with her crashing all at once, the possibility that he would never be able to hear her beautiful laugh or watch her smile. Loss, grief, and heartbreak tumbled into hot tears that he wouldn’t dare show to anyone else. 

“Please, come back. Please.” Garrick can only plead as his forehead comes to rest on your intertwined hands. 

“Make me cross a gauntlet, fight ten opponents at once, bleed every ounce of blood I possibly can – just please come back to me.”

In the quiet of the room, tears still falling, words whispered in fierce desperation, Garrick’s heart cracks open. The organ that he had chained crumbling underneath the reality that she was never leaving the space. 

So, he sat there, day after day, until on the morning of the third day, her breathing picked up. Eyelids beginning to flutter, he rises from the chair, the ache of being in one spot too long stretching through his entire body.

As her eyes flutter open, the fear that never settled finally dulls at the edge, the recognizable color letting him finally take a full breath. 

Eyes squinting at the bright lights, he moves closer, hand ghosting over hers as to not frighten. 

“Welcome back to us.” His words are soft, the relief flooding through each word. 

Her head turns slowly as her mind begins to work again, she blinks fast and then realization must dawn, because he can see the walls rising in her eyes. 

“Wh – Why are you here?” The words are a rasp as she begins to cough lightly.

He turns and finds a glass of water, handing it to her while helping her sit up. As she sips the drink, she doesn’t move her eyes from his, clearly not wanting him here.

“I’ve been here since your fight. You should know that I’m not going to let anything hurt you.” Garrick’s words come out, his own eyes widening as realization dawns.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Unless it comes directly from you, right?”

Garrick can’t help the flinch. She hasn’t even been awake for ten minutes and already his own actions are biting back at him. 

“I never meant to hurt you.” His words just seem hollow, even to his own ears.

“For some reason I think that’s exactly what you expected to do.” Her snark isn’t unexpected, it’s warranted even. 

Garrick clears his throat trying to gather his own thoughts, he can admit to himself, this isn’t exactly going the way he wanted it to.

“Let me ex-“ Before he can even finish, her hand shoots out, stopping his thoughts.

“I don’t want your explanation. You broke my trust. You used me to get something and accomplished your task. How about we just leave it at that?”  As she turns away from him, Garrick wants to turn her back to him, to force her to listen. But he knows that she won’t give in or hear him if she doesn’t want to. 

Still, he refuses to leave without showing her that he truly does still need her. Damning the consequences, he leans down, breath ghosting over her temple and kisses her there. Not with heat, or passion, just with the gentle care that he’s determined to give her. To make her understand that it was truly real.

___________________

“Garrick, get up. Someone’s going to see you.” She says in a forceful whisper, eyes flitting to the left and right.

“No. I’m going to kneel here and beg until you let me at least explain myself.” The reply slips easily from his lips, he’s not above groveling and begging, not at this point. Over a week has passed since she returned from the infirmary and he can't stand it. He refuses not to be able to protect her any longer, for her not to know how important she is, how loved.

“You can’t let just anyone find one of the most feared riders in the quadrant on their knees.” She huffs as she steps forward and grabs the arm of his flight jacket, wrenching him to his feet.

“I don’t give a fuck who sees me. All I care about is you.” He says as she pulls him into her room and closes the door behind him. 

Not giving her a second to think, he’s on his knees again, this time his arms are around her waist bringing her to him. 

Gods. He’s missed her smell. Missed the way her body molded in his arms. Missed the way her hand fists in his hair as if its muscle memory, the place where it has always belonged.

“Please let me explain.” His words are muffled as he tries to bury himself in her stomach. Desperation mingling with a small slice of hope.

“What is there to explain? Xaden knew I was there, he knew I would hear everything he said. Your faithful leader showed your hand, what else is there?” Her words are clipped, forceful and too damn true.

“What you heard is true. Even if I want to take back every single ounce of them, you’re right.” Garrick gets out as he looks up at the woman he so desperately needs. “But there’s one thing that Xaden never accounts for. Fuck, something that I didn’t either – until you.”

“The reason for getting close may have been bullshit, but the minute you began to pull me into your orbit, it became the opposite – the excuse. The excuse for all the others to stay away, to let me get close to you. And as the days went by, I fell, I never intended to – but I did.”

“And I could have fucking killed Xaden when I found out, when I realized that he blew up every single thing I had because it wasn’t part of his plan.” Garrick rises, his hand coming up to cup the soft skin of her cheek. 

“You were never part of the idea, but gods, now you are my only plan. The only thing that makes sense in this death sentence. The one thing that keeps me wanting to come back home from war, to not be lost to dragon fire and battle.”

Her eyes searched back and forth as she looked up at him. Garrick didn’t know what she was looking for, but he hoped that she found it, hoped she believed how much he needed her. 

“Are you ready to scale the insurmountable mountain of proving that you’re really here because you want to be and not because of some directive?” She challenges, fire lighting up her eyes.

“I will scale anything you put in my way. I refuse to let a stupid fucking directive derail the one thing in my life that’s been only mine. And gods I hope you are still fucking mine.” 

Control is lost as Garrick surges forward, arms lifting her from the floor, wrapping around her waist and tugging her to him. His face gets lost in the crook of her neck, her familiar scent settling him in a way he hasn’t experienced in months. 

"And I'll keep my word, I promise no chocolate cake until you trust me again." Garrick can feel the way her lips quirk in his hair, the one indication that maybe, just maybe, she'll forgive him - eventually.

In that moment, he knows that he’ll protect Tyrrendor, his Duke, the continent, but never at the cost of her. 

.

.

If you were to choose the happiest day of your life, it would probably be the one Garrick asked you to be his girlfriend. It was almost summer, after you spent your whole first year at Basgiath tiptoeing around each other. He was in his second, busy with classes and tasks he couldn’t tell you about. You had your differences other than the grade, he was a section leader and technically your supervisor. You also weren’t from Tyrrendor and so you didn’t have much shared lived experiences. He was a fierce and tempered fighter whereas you rather turned to composure and calmness to settle strifes.

You could say you were two differences inevitably attracting each other like magnets. Your gaze lingered on him almost daily at lunch and he checked you out from afar after each of your matches on the mat. It became sort of a routine clear to anyone but you. Your friends bet on the time it will take you to notice while his joked about his lovestruck faces any time you walked past.

It took you months to act on your feelings, or to even correctly name them. But then, after a long discussion with your reflection in a mirror, you decided maybe it would be best to try act on them. What’s the worst that could happen? He would ridicule you and say no? Life in the rider’s quadrant was too short to not take chances.

So you asked Garrick to spar with you under the pretext that you want him to teach you some new moves and techniques. You offered to help him study for physics tests. And soon you were hanging out in the small library on the Saturday evenings, talking about the least important things. He watched your eyes light up about ladybugs and it was the most ethereal scene to him.

The only one comparable was asking you to be his girlfriend the night you officially survived your first year. You still weren’t completely back from war games, at least not in your headspace. So he took you out, exchanged the loud celebrations filled with alcohol and stupid dares for the quiet evening breeze and lazy rustling of the lake. He looked at you with the glint in his eye, like you’re the most magical thing he has ever seen.

“What?” you asked suddenly self-conscious, pausing in the middle of your rant about weeds. “Do I have a leftover cake somewhere?”

He just shook his head, watching you gently examine your face piece by piece with your hands with an amused smile. You couldn’t imagine anything more embarrassing than having remnants of food between your teeth or something, but you came up empty handed, which only fueled your confusion.

“Stop laughing at me Tavis,” you warned him with a soft jab into his shoulder he hardly felt.

“I’m not laughing at you,” Garrick defended.

“Sure you aren’t,” you huffed. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“I can’t,” he admitted quietly, if you didn’t know him better, you’d say he was getting shy with you. “You are the most magical sight I have ever laid eyes on.”

You were getting tangled in your own puzzlement but it wasn’t important, because Garrick put his warm palms on your face and when you didn’t protest, he kissed you. Timidly at first, then more surely and possessively. From that night on there was no question of who you belonged to. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. You thought there could be no better path for you than going from friends with Garrick to lovers.

If you were to choose the day it all went south, it was probably Halloween of your second year. You spent the summer in a love-filled bliss, almost every minute of your day somehow preoccupied with Garrick. If you weren’t with him at the moment, you were thinking about when you’ll be reconnected and every night you went to bed excited to wake up next to him in the morning.

When school started up again, you didn’t notice the changes at first. Sometimes Garrick had to do his own things, but it made sense, he was still a grade above you and busy with his own training. You didn’t mind that sometimes he didn’t visit you in the evening or join you for lunch. You were still two different people.

The first time you noticed was when he refused to train with you. You were working on a hard maneuver for weeks, Garrick teaching you and cheering you on. He was certain you almost had it, but then suddenly became too busy to help you. You accepted the excuse of needing to train Tyrrish first years, but it still stung. From one or two missed trainings he was suddenly too busy for you any time you asked, so much so that you had to find yourself a new permanent sparring partner.

Then it was your dates in the city. He was always too tired after a mission the leadership sent him to or too preoccupied with studying. You were excited to finally go explore the neighborhood, but Garrick’s absence tainted your experience and suddenly the pubs didn’t seem so vibrant and lively. The nights you spent there with your squad you still caught yourself thinking about how much better it would be if Garrick was here taking you dancing and carrying your shoes on the way home.

“You know, you could go out with me sometimes,” you tried to persuade him but to no avail.

“Sorry love, I just have to do this,” he made it seem like it was just one task but you knew better.

It was always something. Always some report too classified to tell you about it or some homework too advanced for you to help him. And so you hung out in his room while he worked, but even just sitting a few feet away from him you suddenly felt weirdly alone. Like he was there, physically, but wasn’t really invested anymore. After a month, he started asking you to leave, and it became so often you rather didn’t visit unless he came to your own room. Which he did less and less.

And then he started lying. Or maybe it was just the first time you caught him red handed, the night he didn’t show up for dinner. You went to the gym after having to eat alone, even though he promised he definitely wouldn’t miss this one. And there he was, much to your surprise, helping his pink-haired friend with some techniques too fast for you to grasp. They both turned to you like you interrupted them from something personal, as if the gym belonged to them.

“You missed dinner,” you murmured after he tried to reach you and rather paid attention to your own training.

Other times you found him discussing things with Bodhi and Xaden in the dark corners of the rotunda when he told you he’ll be too busy with flight training or out on an outpost run. Garrick could be secretive sometimes, but he never blatantly lied to you, or maybe you just haven’t noticed. The secrets, hushed tones when you came around or quickly hidden books from your sight didn’t really help his case.

“I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me,” you tried to voice your frustrations multiple times but he always just brushed them aside. “Why are you keeping secrets from me? I thought you trusted me.”

“I’m not keeping secrets,” he argued tiredly. “It’s just classified boring stuff.”

But you didn’t fully trust him anymore. Deffinitely not after his group of marked friends has grown with violet Sorrengail. From what you saw from the beginning of the year they hated her, so why were they suddenly all over her? As if you didn’t have too little time with your boyfriend already, now she was on his list of duties too. It made the time you spent together practically non-existent.

“Do you even love me still?” You questioned in spring, your voice little and scared.

“Of course I do! How could I not when you’re the most beautiful thing out there?” Garrick shook his head at you as if you were crazy, but his actions spoke otherwise.

Maybe beauty wasn’t enough anymore. Maybe he got bored with you, the differences you had, the lack of experience you had compared to him. When his last war games came around and he promised everything will be alright after that, you found that you didn’t trust him anymore. How could you believe what he said when he lied to your face so many times this year? About where he’s been, with who and what he did there.

How could you not jump to the worst conclusions when he kept feeding your self-conscious intrusive thoughts? When he was pronounced dead and then shoed up completely fine a week later, it was just enough evidence of his lying. Once again he did not tell you anything about their mission at Athebyne even when you begged and screamed.

When he was sent to Samara and you went to say goodbye, he was already gone. No message, no promises of keeping in touch and staying together, no kisses for good luck, no tips on how to survive your last year. You did get a letter from him a week later, heavily deducted by leadership but a letter none the less, and it gave you a bit of hope. Maybe you weren’t a completely lost cause. You wrote him back, talking about anything and everything happening at Basgiath, but he seemed uninterested.

Then Xaden brought you one or two letter from him when he visited Violet. You were a little envious of her now, that she not only got to leave Basgiath twice a month but got to see her boyfriend every week. But if you had that chance, would Garrick even want to see you? After three months you only got a letter from Garrick once a month, and then they stopped coming completely. You were worried sick, asking Xaden if Garrick is alright. But he said he’s fine, just busy with work.

Apparently Garrick was always too busy for you for the past year and a half. When your birthday came around, there was nothing. No wishes, no gift, not even a letter. As if it wasn’t enough that he almost missed them the year before, now he obviously completely forgot. You stopped sending your letter after that, he wasn’t answering them for the past couple weeks anyway. And the worst thing was how used to it you got. To the missed opportunities, the loneliness, the lies he probably thought you’re too dumb to uncover.

When he turned up at Basgiath with Xaden and threw it into chaos, you reluctantly went to Aretia, but you didn’t even look at him anymore. You knew he didn’t even look for you himself, and it was only pure luck you happened to be around in time to leave. All these changes, all these secrets, it was suddenly too much. Your heart heavied under the realization he had hidden his home and this whole revolution from you since even before you officially started dating.

But even then, he caught you in the swarming of students trying to find dorms and dining halls they could go to. His palm on your elbow felt heavy, suddenly unfamiliar. The change scared you, but you flinched away from his touch on instinct, your body still incredibly sore from your last round of RSC. He let you go after that, a little struck with the wince.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Garrick asked as if he still had any business knowing anything about you.

“You would know if you didn’t stop sending me letters,” is all the comeback you come up with after a minute of silent staring.

You leave before he can argue with you, and to your relief he is called somewhere more important. You found a room to share with your best friend, it was nothing fancy but for the circumstances it was much better than a holding cell for treason. After a bit of chaos you start taking classes at Riorson house, not ideal solution but it will have to do for now.

While you tried to busy yourself in classes and assignments, Garrick found himself too distracted to do any of his work. He knew he wasn’t being completely present, but fuck he didn’t eve realize he didn’t send you a letter in so long. All his thoughts were suddenly swirling with worry about you and how to fix all these fuck-ups he accumulated without even realizing it.

“Hey, can we talk about this?” He cornered you on Friday after classes.

“I don’t know if there even is still anything to talk about Garrick,” you admitted with a sigh.

“Of course there is. We need to talk about us, and…” but you didn’t let him finish.

“What us? The us where you started lying to me? Where you were too busy to even speak to me, even still back at school? Or when you were too busy to even send me a stupid letter? The us where only one of us didn’t know about all of this?” You spread your arms to show the whole of Aretia and shake your head. “I don’t think there even is some us anymore to be honest.”

“Love please, I didn’t want to lie to you about these things, but you must understand I couldn’t tell you about this,” his eyes are pleading.

“But what about all the other things! The lying about hanging out with your friends, how busy you are when you were just training someone else. I would have understood Garrick, but no, you rather lied to me instead,” you sigh. “You even missed my birthday this year, did you even notice that?”

“Fuck, I… it must have slipped my mind,” Garrick combs his fingers through his hair. “But I’ll never forget again, I promise.”

“Don’t. Don’t make me promises you can’t keep. I can’t love someone who’s lying to me,” your eyes water with tears. “You might be here now, but how do I know you won’t forget about me the moment we’re at different outposts? You were distancing from me even when we were together.”

“Please, love, you know I keep promises. No more lies. I’ll tell you everything, anything you want to know. Always,” he grasped your hands in his. “Just don’t let the distance separate us. We can close it again.”

“I don’t know Garrick. You can’t break my heart again, I can’t take it,” you admitted.

“Just give me a chance, I’ll make it all right. Just one, I won’t let you down.” Garrick practically begs and how could you even say no to him?

You must admit he sticks to his word. He spends the whole night explaining everything about rebuilding Aretia into detail even when he looks absolutely exhausted from the day he had. From them on he makes sure he’s always available to have either lunch or dinner with you and never sneaks out of bed before you wake up, even if he has to give you a thousand kisses to make you aware he’s leaving.

And when you all return to Basgiath and everything becomes even more complicated and chaotic, he doesn’t distance himself but continues instead. He brings you little gifts from his travels, keeps you up to date about the whole weapons against venin situation, much to Xaden’s dismay, and takes you on a date, at least a small one, at least once a month. And when Xaden reprimands him for sharing too much information with you, he doesn’t pull away, but laughs about it with you that evening instead.

I’m absolutely beaten as I’m walking through the hallway of the second year’s dorms. I want nothing more than to get my room and sleep, but I also feel so happy and pretty damn proud of myself, cause my training is going great and I’m just so excited to see how far I can take my signet. I’m already really fast at close distances and now we’re working on longer ones, which is exhausting, but also amazing and fun. I can't help but smile as I make it to my room, and I see one of my yearmate’s door opening a bit further down the hall, weird given it's pretty late, but it's not like I'm not out here at this hour myself. I keep looking at the door, which I'm pretty sure is Nina Cattenach’s, but it's not her walking out. A man fixing his shirt. Tall, very tall man, huge back and built muscles? My smile falls, stomach sinks and I just stand there shocked, Garrick.

He doesn't seem to notice me and starts walking the other way, and suddenly I can't move, my eyes fill with tears, what the fuck? I mean, it's not like we're exclusive or anything, we’ve just been going out for a while and hooked up a few times, but I can’t help but feel like the walls are closing in on me. Gods I’m so stupid, of course he’s sleeping with other people, he’s the hottest rider in the quadrant and pretty much known for sleeping around. I don't know why it surprises me, or why I care so much, but I need to go. I force my feet to move and start walking fast with my head low, I see him leaning on the wall, head back. I pretend I don’t see him but he clearly sees me now

“Hey, how are you?” He says softly like I didn’t just see him get out of another girl’s room, which he probably doesn’t know, but I keep my head low and just give him a little “hi” and walk away. Once I turn the corner, I take every bit of strength I have left and use my signet to get to my room, once I’m there I completely crumble. I sit at the edge of my bed and cry into my shaky hands, I can’t believe I let myself get into this, I feel so pathetic, I’ve always had my priorities set straight, I mean there’s a war out there for fucks sake, people are probably dying this very second and I’m what? Crying over a guy, a guy who made it pretty clear that we weren’t exclusive from the start, but I guess feelings truly don’t make any sense. “Five minutes” I tell my dragon “Give me five minutes and I’ll snap out of it” and I do. I cry, sob and shake, I let everything out, but five minutes pass and I rub my eyes to clean the tears and stand up.

I start looking for my clothes to change when I hear a knock at the door. I freeze, stay completely still as if that will make the person outside leave, but they knock again, and I hear his voice “y/n, would you open up please?” I start panicking, I don’t want to talk to him, I can’t see him like this, but I know he won’t leave and he knows I’m here, I just saw him a mere five minutes ago at the fucking hall. I need to get out of here. I promised my friends I would stop doing this, but hopefully Rhi will understand. I reach for my power, cover my eyes with my hands to give her a semblance of privacy and appear in Rhiannon’s room. I hear a gasp and something falling “For fucks sake’s you’re going to give me a heart attack, I thought we agreed to stop doing this?” I drop my arms and look at her, hand at her heart and gives me a confused look when she sees my swollen eyes.

“I’m so sorry, I swear it’s an emergency” I run my hand through my face and look at the door “It’s a long story, but Garrick is outside my door right now and I really need you to tell him I’m not there” She looks back at her door like she can somehow see him from inside and looks back at me even more confused than before.

“Did something happen? Are you okay? Do I need to kill someone?” She says while frowning and I chuckle

“No need, just tell him I had to do something with the first years or whatever” she raises an eyebrow “I will tell you everything after” I shoot her a pleading look and she sighs and turns to the door.

“It’s almost curfew, what would you even have to do with the first years?” She shakes her head and opens the door, I put my back to the wall so he won’t see me and listen when Rhi says “Tavis, is everything alright?”

“Just wanted to talk to y/n, but she’s not answering her door” Hearing him makes the tears come back, but I close my eyes, breathe deep and pull myself together, then listen as he knocks my door again, he sure is insistent

“Oh, that’s because she’s not in there, I asked her if she would help me with something with the first years, you know how it is” I almost laugh a little, guess we could’ve come up with a better excuse

“What would she.. You know what? It’s okay, I can wait until she’s back” No.

“Oh I wouldn't do that, she may be a while, I think it will be better if you talk to her tomorrow, between that and the training she’s had a long day, and she gets crabby when she’s tired” I thank the gods for my friend and turn my head to listen better when I hear another door opening

“Was there a meeting in the hallway I didn’t know about” I hear Ridoc’s voice, no, no, no, go back in, now.

“Just telling Garrick how y/n is not here and he should come back tomorrow, you know since she’s doing that thing, and also you know how she gets after training” There is a silence and I could swear Rhiannon is giving Ridoc the look so he gets on board, and Garrick is probably not buying any of it, but still he sighs and says

“Fine, just… whatever” I hear his footsteps as he walks down the hall, and then Rhiannon and Ridoc come inside.

“Oh who would have thought, she’s here” Ridoc says sarcastically while Rhi closes the door and I sit on the floor “That was really bad by the way”

“Shut up I panicked and couldn’t think of anything else” I flip him off and lay by head against the wall

“Now, talk, what the hell happened between you two? I thought things were going great” Rhi asks as her and Ridoc sit on the bed in front of me

“I thought so too, but I just saw him coming out of someone else’s room” I sigh “And I know we’re not dating or anything but it kinda hurt” Rhi gives me a sympathetic half smile and Ridoc huffs and leans back on his hands then says

“I mean, it’s not like you haven’t been fucking other people” I just look up at him, then at Rhiannon, and I watch as both of their eyes wide in apparent shock and Rhi’s lifts her eyebrows, while Ridoc, never one for dramatics, pushes himself forward and grabs his face “What? You haven’t slept with anyone else since you started seeing Garrick?” He asks

“You’re making me sound like a slut” I say while crossing my arms “And no, I mean not because I was being loyal to him or anything, but I just… I don’t know.. I didn’t care about anyone else”

“He’s that good, huh?” Rhiannon asks, wiggling her eyebrows and I roll my eyes, not thinking about that right now, but damn if it isn’t true.

“It doesn’t matter, the point is I’m in too deep and I have to end it, I’m not going to be waiting for him like a fool while he goes through his long list of suitors hoping I’m next. I just can’t talk to him, not yet, I think I might burst out crying if I see him right now” The three of us hang out for a while and then we go to sleep, I feel a little lighter after hanging with my friends, but there’s still a pressure in my chest as I lay in my bed and can only feel dread at the thought of having to face Garrick and talk to him. As much as I try not to, a few tears fall as I lay there until I eventually drift off to sleep.

—

The week passes and I don’t talk to Garrick, I don’t even look at him, even when I can feel his eyes on me. He tries to approach me a few times, but everytime I see him coming I leave, sometimes I manage to make it look casual and unintentional, but there was one time I saw him coming in a hallway and I literally turned around and teleported out of there, so… yeah, thankfully I haven’t seen him since, and I don’t see him here now as I sit at the table with my friends for breakfast.

“So, we’re definitely going to Chantara tonight, we need to blow off some steam, especially you” Rhi says to me “You’ve been moping all week, it’s weird” Violet nods from the seat next to her, and honestly, they’re right, I’m usually one of the most active and enthusiastic of the group, but it’s true i’ve been off character this last week.

“You just need to find some hot cadet to have a hot night with, it will be good for you” Ridoc adds while he eats… something

“I don’t think hooking up with some random is going to magically make her forget Garrick,” Sawyer says, coming to my aid, I think.

“Well she can try” Ridoc answers with his mouth full, pointing at me with his fork

“You know, I think you may be right” I say while pushing Ridoc’s hand, and his fork, away from my face “I don’t know about the hot night, but we should go out, I’m tired of hiding from Garrick, it’s getting ridiculous, I need a night of peace” Rhi and Ridoc high five and I shake my head.

“I mean” Violet says “You could just talk to him” She’s not wrong, I know it’s childish to keep avoiding him, also because he technically didn’t do anything wrong, but I just can’t bring myself to face him, because I know I’m going to have to end it or come clean about my feelings, both things I really don’t look forward to doing.

“What would I even say to him? ‘Hey so I saw you come out of another girl’s room and since I'm stupid and apparently have some sort of feelings toward you I went and cried in my bed and then when you came to see me I pretended I wasn’t there so you wouldn’t realise I care about you and made up some lame excuse to make you leave?’ I’d rather postpone it until it’s absolutely necessary, thank you very much.” The four of them look at me with different variations of confused expressions.

“Yeah, we’re definitely going out tonight,” Sawyer determines.

—

The room is loud and filled, and I'm sitting at the bar, looking at Sawyer and Jesinia back at the table. Rhi and Violet are somewhere around here, and we’ve already lost Ridoc a while ago after seeing him talk to an infantry cadet. I separated from the group about an hour ago because I was seriously bringing the vibe down, I swear i’m trying to have fun but I just can’t get Garrick out of my fucking head, I do my best to focus on anything, literally anything else, but he’s just in there lingering with his perfectness and his smile and his fucking dimple. I’m so absolutley fucked.

I take a sip of my drink and consider the probabilities of my friends killing me if I leave when someone says “Hey, do you mind if I sit?” I look at the healer cadet who spoke, he’s pointing at the chair next to me. The guy is tall, blonde and with hazel eyes. It wouldn’t hurt..

“Not at all” He sits and gets himself a drink, I see from the corner of my eye how he moves the chair slightly closer to me

“So, not a great night?” I give him a confused look “You look like you would much rather be anywhere else but here right now”

“It’s not bad, my friends are having fun, but I’m greatly considering abandoning them and going to bed” I turn to look at him, our knees almost touching as we face each other, one of his arms leaning against the bar. “We are supposed to be blowing off steam but I can’t seem to find the energy to talk to people”

“Well good thing I’m here then, I’m Jace” He extends his hand and I take it

“y/n” We keep on talking and the conversation flows easily, it isn’t particularly flirty at first but at one point he gets closer and puts a hand on my leg, and I’m laughing when I hear the thing I’ve been dreading all week

“I need to talk to you” You have got to be kidding me. I turn and look at Garrick, who’s standing with his arms at his sides, fists closed, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was jealous “In private”

“I’m a little busy right now” I lift my eyebrows and he just stares at me. What the fuck is he doing here? This is supposed to be the one night I don’t have to worry about him.

“Please” The look on his face does me in, because even if I don’t mean anything to him, he sure as hell does to me, and that makes me feel even more pathetic. I look at Jace and he gives me a sad smile

“I’m so sorry about this” I start to get up from the chair and he looks a little disappointed, but then looks at Garrick and says,

“Don’t worry, I had to get going anyways, but I’ll see you again” Garrick scoffs and I glare at him, then start walking towards a more quiet place and he follows. When we get to a corner of the room I turn around and cross my arms

“So, what do we need to talk about?” I look up at him and gods, this is exactly why i’ve been avoiding this moment, just looking at him makes my knees feel like jelly, he’s the most exquisite, beautiful man I have ever seen, and as if that weren’t enough, he is also extremely fun to talk to, kind, funny and so fucking sweet once you know him.

“You have been avoiding me all week, I have been trying to talk to you since the other night when I saw you at the second year’s dorms” he moves closer to me, and he honestly looks worried “Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Just tell me because I swear I don’t understand” I stay quiet because I have no idea what to say, I really should’ve thought this through “I thought everything was alright between us, we had plans to train together and you didn’t show up, you literally escaped two days ago when you saw me. I just want you to talk to me, i’ve missed you”

“Yeah, it sure looked that way when you were coming out of Nina Cattenach’s room” Shit. I shouldn’t have said that.

“Fuck, I hoped you hadn’t seen that” he runs a hand to his face and I can’t think of a way to get out of this “I can explain…”

“There’s nothing to explain,” I say, holding my hands up. “you’re not my boyfriend, you don’t owe me anything, I really shouldn’t have said that. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want to do it with. I just need to get my priorities straight”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks, furrowing his brows

“It means that we are in the middle of a war and we really should be focusing on that. I mean, people are dying and I’m crying over a guy for fucks sake’s” I don’t realise what I said until after I say it, and Garrick’s face falls “Fuck- sorry, but.. Whatever, I don't think we should do this anymore, you’re great and we had a great time but I can’t keep going, I'm sorry” My voice breaks at the end and I leave before he can say anything back, and before I make an even bigger fool of myself. As I make it to the door I see Violet from afar, who mouths “Everything alright?” I shake my head and get out of there, I make my way back to the dorms and force myself to sleep before I can think too hard about what happened.

The next day goes on slowly, I don’t leave the room more than the absolutely necessary, I clean, I read, and I study until the sun goes down. I realise I missed dinner, but I wasn’t hungry anyways so I just start getting ready for bed when I hear a knock on my door. I already know who it is, he doesn’t have to say anything. I contemplate just ignoring him, but I can’t keep running from him, so I go to open the door and find Garrick standing there, hands in his pockets, looking at me with a sad look on his face.

“Can I come in?” He asks softly, I nod and move a little so he can get in, and then, for a minute we just stand there without saying anything “I don’t want to bother you, I can leave if you want me to” I breathe deep and sit at the edge of the bed, signaling for him to take the chair in front of me, and he does. “You said something yesterday that caught me off guard” I know what he’s talking about, I’ve always acted cool and composed around him, never showed too much feeling or emotion, so i’m sure he’s surprised about me admitting to crying over him because I saw him with someone else, even if I obviously didn’t mean to tell him. “I’d like to explain, if you’ll let me” He says it so kindly, I suddenly feel like shit for ignoring him.

“I’m sorry, I know I haven’t handled things the right way, it was childish to avoid you and I should’ve just talked to you, or maybe I shouldn't even be saying anything, i’m a bit lost with everything” I laugh nervously and take a deep breath “You don’t owe me any explanations, you’ve made it clear since the beginning that we weren’t exclusive and I shouldn’t be moping about it or expect anything else”

“You can feel whatever you want to feel. I don’t care about what you should or shouldn’t do, I want to know how you’re feeling” I look at him and I see nothing but truth in his eyes.

“I just…” I look at my hands because I can’t look him in the eyes while I say this, not when I’m about to ruin everything and absolutely embarrass myself “I just feel really pathetic, because I haven’t even thought about being with anyone else. Not because I thought we were together or anything, but because I honestly didn’t care about whoever random came up to me, not when I knew I could have you instead, I simply wasn’t interested in other people” I force my voice to keep even and my hands to stop shaking “And then I saw you get out of Nina’s room, and… I don’t know it kinda hit me that we’re not anything serious and I’ve been developing feelings for someone who obviously doesn’t feel the same way” I dare to look at him for a second, and he’s looking at me with a seriousness I’ve never seen from him before “Which is okay, again, you never said this was nothing more than just hooking up, which is why I felt so stupid, I still do” I can’t look at him, he doesn’t say anything right away and i’m not sure I even want him to. I kinda wish he would get up and leave and ignore me forever.

“Look at me, please” He says softly, and when I don’t move, he grabs the side of my face gently and lifts it “You’re not stupid, and it’s not pathetic. I didn’t sleep with her” I furrow my brows, what the hell is he talking about?

“Yes you did, I saw you get out of her room, your hair was messy and you were fixing your shirt, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out” How dumb does he think I am?

“No, I didn’t. I mean yes I was going to, but I couldn’t get through with it, because she wasn’t you” My heart skips a beat, what on earth is he talking about? “And I only went back with her because I see how guys are constantly throwing themselves at you, and I saw you going back to the dorms with a guy from third wing, and then you were late for class so I assumed..” Just- what the fuck? The way I remember it, this guy was bugging me (trying to flirt, I guess?) while I was trying to study at the library, so I pretended I had to get back to my room to get away from him but he insisted on walking me there. Nothing happened, obviously, but then I took a nap and overslept a bit so I barely made it to battle brief, I just didn’t know Garrick had noticed any of it “And it sounds really pathetic now, but I guess I thought if I was with someone else too then I could prove to myself that I wasn’t foolishly, completely in love with you.” My heart stops, I’m suddenly out of breath, and for a second there I'm sure I misheard him “Clearly I was wrong, it’s what I came to tell you that night” I just stay there looking at him like I can’t believe what he just said, because I can’t. I can’t make myself say something, I’m too stunned to speak, what do you mean he’s in love with me? Him, Garrick Tavis, the most coveted rider in this whole college, in love with me? I think I might just start jumping around and squeaking. Instead I grab the collar of his shirt, pull him closer to me and kiss him. His hands go to my waist and in a fast, smooth maneuver he pulls me into his lap and kisses me deeply. The kiss is fast and crazy and we’re both breathing heavily when we pull away “What a nice way to avoid giving an answer” He smiles and flashes a dimple, my absolute downfall, and I cradle his face with my hands, stroking his cheeks

“Not avoiding anything, just speechless” I kiss him softly and I watch his sparkling eyes “Do I even have to say it? I’m crazy for you, you’re the only one who makes me believe there’s something more than just surviving around here, and the one that makes this terrible world a beautiful thing. Of course I love you” He grins at me and kisses me again, he lifts me in his arms as he stands up and walks to the bed, laying on top of me without breaking the kiss. My hands immediately grab his shirt and motion him to take it away, which he does. Doesn’t matter how many times I see him like this, I’m always completely in awe of his spectacular body.

“Just so we’re clear, we are exclusive now” He says against my mouth, and I smile harder, if it even is possible, and run my hands through his back.

“Thanks for the clarification, I will let everyone know” He laughs and presses his forehead against mine “Never thought i’d see the day where Garrick Tavis actually committed to someone”