but lily never liked sirius, they were far too similar and lily hated that. hated that she saw herself in him, a child who left another child to the wolves and is only trying to survive. a child who left a sibling behind through no fault of their own. and lily hates her mirror so in turn she hates sirius, because that’s what he is, a mirror of everything she is and isn’t. all her flaws staring back at her with silver eyes and black hair. and maybe that’s why james was so perfect for them, because they were the same and somehow he worked for each of them. and maybe sirius and lily did not always hate each other but they were far too similar to ever be friends. and they were each extremes of the same scenario. one pushed it all away with books and grades and perfect presentation, cracks dutifully hidden, while the other did the same with drinking and drugs and parties and games. both were compared unfairly to the other. “mr. black, you really should start taking after miss evans” and “c’mon lily why can’t you be more like sirius, he knows how to have fun”. but sirius hurt remus, and lily would never forgive him, and lily hurt marlene and sirius would never forget that. 

oh marlene, once shy and eager to please, a perfect match to lily. both unusually studious for secret reasons but marlene would allow herself to be trodden on, and so lily was their voice. but lily allowed herself to cry only in front of marlene, and marlene had soft words and tender touches to heal a hurt that lily never let slip to prying eyes. but then marlene grew into herself, and lily was left behind. marlene learned to be loud when necessary and she grew her circle of friends, and she and mary began to enjoy the parties, but of course marlene kept up her grades. and then lily was the odd one out in the trio. she did not talk to boys, she had only ever done so to defend marlene. and marlene did not need her anymore. so lily was alone. but remus oh remus, she did not have marlene’s reassuring whispers, but she did really try her best. and panda.. well that’s a story for another day. but lily grew to resent james and marlene. quidditch prodigies. star students. social butterflies. life of the party. and james didn’t even have to try. and lily could not afford to find out if the hours in the library were really necessary. if she would be isolated from her family and her best friend, oh tuny. then she would excel in every way. she had no choice. 

but marlene thought lily could not love her anymore, now that she had found herself. found that girls were far better than boys in every aspect, found that she liked the big black boots because all her steps turned to stomps, found that she could still wear smudgy eyeliner and listen to loud music even with her light blonde hair. and she thought that lily did not want her anymore, now that she had changed. and she told herself she didn’t care, but that was always marlene’s problem, she always cared, far too often and far too much. so marlene thought lily did not want her anymore, and lily thought marlene did not need her anymore. 

barty and sirius were the same on the outside, bold, brash, and loud. drank too much and each had tattoos they had no memory of getting. both in detention for dress code violations and lateness.

evan and remus were the same on the outside too. both were quite in a dangerous sort of way. scars you don’t want to ask about. connections that are beyond questionable. studious, but the brains of all the big groups and mischievous beyond measure, but never a braggart.

but the thing was that barty and remus were the same on the inside. madness barely contained. always teetering dangerously close the the edge of insanity. barty and remus were just the same, but one was loud about it and one was quiet. both had self inflicted scars, barty the controlled silver kind, remus the violent gold kind.

evan and sirius were the same on the inside too. although barty and sirius were both rebellious from their fathers, evan was small and broken in the inside, just like sirius. and they both had personas they used to hide their souls from the world. one of feathers and bones and unspoken hexes, the other of leather and metal and loud records. but both hid red noses and wet eyes for nighttime.

remus’s first friend was lily

john

okay so this is based of a hc au type thing where they get the soulmates names right and sherlock’s like agh john’s such a common name and john’s like where the fuck am i gonna find someone named sherlock. okay so i expanded on this in my tragic little brain lemme learn u some things.

kay first off when they meet neither of them tell the other what their soulmates name is. idk maybe it’s not highly discussed in this au but let’s be real it’s sherlock so they don’t have to follow norm. but anyways john meets sherlock and is like oh- (still grappling w internalized homophobia) maybe it’s like how there’s friend soulmates and stuff. omg and maybe that’s even why he dates around sm bc part of him is like i can’t believe there’s no romantic soulmate to me like oh no im unloveable. 

meanwhile sherlock is intrigued by john the second he walks in the room and once john introduces himself he makes a mental note but pushes it away bc he can’t deal with a soulmate bc work and stuff tho lets be real deep down sherlock craves that kind of bond but obvi he can’t do that outwardly so he’s like hmm. but he’s alr intrigued bc john is ‘interesting’ and he needs a flatmate anyways so it’s fine. yes john is a soldier and lives up to and possibly creates sherlock’s many kinks but it’s fine no emotions and such.

but then (fast forward to the point of this rant) they’re waiting for the plane and guys keep in mind i haven’t actually watched this ep yet but ive seen the scene many times and i get the basis of it. and sherlock goes like i have smthn to tell you and such blah blah “sherlock is actually a girl’s name” and sherlock ofc is doing this to see john smile one last time before he never sees him again BUT john just absolutely crashes (internally) so up to this point he’s thought that the sherlock name sm thing could be a coincidence or they’re js meant to be friends/ partners whatever they are. and he’s even at a point where he might love sherlock (prolly doesn’t know or understand if that love is romantic and stuff but still) and so john has spent so long coming around to the idea that maybe sherlock is his. his soulmate- ofc👀. and he hears that and all the progress towards idek but towards sherlock and away from the homophobia and ptsd and stuff is just wrecked. he is wrecked. because now he’s thinking i’m never gonna see this man again and i thought he was my soulmate but what if there’s some woman out there with his name and i’ve just been what? delusional all this time? and this is all in a heartbreak of course and since he’s john he laughs it off and says “no it isn’t” and sherlock earnestly says “yeah but it was worth a shot” and john’s heart just soars and then plummets because if sherlock really is his, he’s never gonna see him again. orrrrrr option b that because the smile was genuine and such he decides in that split second heartbeat that he doesn’t care if it’s someone else, sherlock is his. in every sense of the word. 

even if he’ll never see him again

or maybe to give them more time reg finds the mirror when sirius is at home at some point and like he and james start talking and it like kind of continues over the years and james isn’t really sure why he doesn’t tell sirius but he likes that this is his especially after sirius and moony get closer and reg thinks he’d be in robles with sirius bc sirius is kinda being a bitchy thirteen yro and starting to rebel or smthn and omg maybe the rift between them started earlier than him running away bc reg starts conforming to the black blood purity shit bc he’s desperately trying to be allowed to be himself and like him and sirius could’ve had a plan or no idk but whatwhatwhatwhat bc this would all technically be canon 

compliant like it could be w james and lily or smthn and omg maybe reg obliviated him in the fall of james’ seventh bc THIS IS MY OTHER HC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAÄ

and after james finds out they have a rift over the summer and reg is like good whatever but he either alr had plans to rebel and shit oh wait canon says shortly after he joined voldemort fucked w kreacher and he was like hell nah so okay maybe that happens over summer and he’s like okay no it’s good james is gone bc like i can’t have any distractions if im gonna do this and like i gotta keep him safe and james is pining and like i can change his mind and in the fall james goes back after him and regulus finally breaks and goes i know im trying to do something about it and is like fuck bc james can’t know like he has to be completely secret if they ever find out their connection so he obliviates him like tragically w tears and that’s how he finally gets with lily even tho he was over that forever ago bc like his friends tell him to and he’s depressed and he doesn’t know why and like lily is like wow he’s so deep and like all this and he dies either thinking reg is evil OR NEVER KNOWING HE LOVED HIM NOOOOOOOOOOOO omg omg no i can’t my babies and this all could’ve technically happeneddddd 

also this was the other note i was referring to!: