( txt ➞ Apple Bottom ) : noooooooo! ( txt ➞ Apple Bottom ) : I need food and Ican't leave the hotel rom and roomm service is over! ( txt ➞ Apple Bottom ) : I will shar tacos with youuuuuu

he never really had a pre-game ritual , not in any way that mattered to him or made a difference to him . but since coming out of retirement he's found himself slipping into the quiet kind of pre-game routine that makes him feel more grounded before stepping onto the ice . it starts with sour candy ( fabian keeps it stocked and he's not picky ) , which helps pull him back from the worst that his anxiety can bring . he listens to fabian's latest music , wraps his stick with rainbow tape , and then --- well , weirdly , there's barrett . as soon as the other man gets to his cubby , ryan silently holds out his hand for a brief handshake that morphs into a fist bump . he plucks out another sour gummy worm from the giant bag before tipping it towards troy to offer some . " fabian wants me to invite you and harris to sunday brunch , " he states before grabbing another gummy worm before setting the bag on the bench between them . / @gamechangerz , b e s t i e s .

it's less about refusing to admit it & more about refusing to acknowledge but - he's brave . he's so brave . he's brave when he's fourteen & decides that yes , this is what he wants . he wants to play in the mlh , he wants to be drafted when he's eighteen & he wants to play on the team that he & his mother love so much , that they've bonded over since was a boy . he's brave when he's seventeen & walks up to the boy he'd become obsessed with , the only one as good as him , in saskatchewan before he loses the juniors to him . he's brave when he stays in that gym after the draft , just him & ilya sharing a water bottle , the two newest & best players in the mlh . he's brave when he opens the door after the ccm photoshoot . he's brave for letting himself want & have ilya in any way he can . he's brave when he introduces ilya to his mom & dad , despite being scared out of his mind that they'll hate him . he's brave when he comes out to his team & he's brave when he keeps them in the dark about his sexuality . he's brave when he becomes the metro's captain & leads them to their championships & he's brave when he leaves - he's so brave for leaving that team ( his mom's favorite team ) after he & ilya are outed . because he could've stayed . he could swallowed everything they'd accused him of & kept playing with them & winning for them & pretended like he could stomach the way they reacted to the person he loved most in the world . he's brave for for standing up in front of the mlh commissioner & telling him that chooses ilya , no matter what .

"I was thinking. How would you feel about us planning a holiday for the off-season? Wherever you want to go, money being no object."

"you don't have to lie to me. it is work, yes, but we are family, no? not in toxic american workplace way that everyone talks about but… you've seen me concussed or naked... or both to be family." his nose wrinkles playfully before smoothing out. "and i… i know what that's like, to be upset and alone. it's not pleasant. makes it worse. so… talk, or don't. but i'm here, harris. okay? until things are better."

"are you okay? what is wrong?" he doesn't even notice the television in the background, rumbling out an intermission interview for shane's away game. the only thing he could focus on was troy. tired and broken down, little pieces that ilya recognized as similar to his own once. before he'd come to america to escape his father's control. "come in, barrett, it's cold."

" is it weird if i say there's no where else i'd rather be ? " okay sure , he'd rather be at home on his sofa with his boyfriend . that , he knows , would objectively be better than a stuffy court room overrun with reporters . objectively , no one gives a shit about him if he's not in a fight , and yet he still feels slightly blinded by the amount of flashes from cameras as he walked in . " are they gonna ask you to testify ? " ryan glances sideways at barrett , noting the anxiety that seems to shred through every inch of him . there aren't many other players from toronto that would even speak about the case against kent , let alone show up here on the day of his trial . but the thought of barrett having to face this alone , along with almost everything else that's been thrown at him , is the kind of thing that ryan can't let happen . besids , he's pretty sure that rozy will be rolling up in one of his ridiculous sports cars at any moment . flashy and attention drawing and raising metaphorical middle fingers to the league that wants them to shut up and stay silent about all of this . " you're doing the right thing , you know . and uh , i'll totally throw a few punches if i need to . " ryan moves to the side to knock his shoulder against troy's briefly . " we've got your back . "

he smiles and cuddles up to her, still half-naked, and rests his head on her shoulder. it's light at first. but as minutes pass, more and more of his weight falls on to her. ten minutes later and he's fully asleep, using her as a pillow. a jump scare appears on the screen and he doesn't startle. he's out.