you are homeless?

"okay, so where do you like coffee from?" kendrick asked, raising his eyebrows with a look of amusement at the other's words. "i never saw a big rat. if they exist, i wouldn't know. it's not like i'm out there looking for giant rats."

"i dunno, they just do. it's something that someone must have said to make it seem better than it actually is. personally, i like new york better. they have more to do and honestly, better coffee."

i  know  you  said  you’re  busy  at  the  moment ,  but  i  think  you’re  lying .

i  want  you  to  give  me  a  reason  to  leave .

you  don’t  get  it ,  do  you ?

you  use  me  when  you  need  a  hit .

what's  it  cost  for  a  minute  of  your  heart  and  soul ?

my  state  of  mind’s  been  steadily  dropping .

might  as  well  just  hold  my  tongue ,  it’s  nothing  you  would  understand .

i  don’t  really  know  myself .

thoughts  of  you  are  racing  in  my  mind .

oh ,  you  had  me  for  a  moment .

you  took  it  out  on  me  when  it  got  hard .

i  know  you’re  mocking  my  name .

i  don’t  understand  why  i’m  so  afraid  of  who  i  am .

i’m  done .  i’m  leaving .

no ,  you  don’t  care  anyways .

take  me  home .

if  this  isn’t  love ,  then  i’ll  stop  now .

take  your  coat ,  don’t  get  cold .

you  never  loved  me .  you  didn’t  want  me .

give  me  something  real .

god ,  it  feels  like  i’ve  been  here  before .

i  feel  like  we’re  drifting  apart .

i  never  loved  myself  like  i  love  you .

maybe  you  could  help  me .

i  heard  your  friends  say  that  you  think  you're  better  off .

you’ll  never  understand .

i’ve  got  enough  friends .

i’m  finding  it  harder  to  fit  in .

why  are  you  afraid  to  die ?

it’s  nothing  you  would  understand .

god  help  you ,  darling .

tonight  it’s  hard  for  me  to  care .

can  you  swear  i’ll  be  yours ?

baby ,  it’s  too  late  to  talk .

you  say  that  you  love  me  but  you  never  could .

there's  nothing  more  that  i'd  like  than  to  be  yours  for  life .

i  don’t  wanna  go  out  tonight .

i  thought  that  i  could  trust  you .

i’m  leaving  you  cause  the  pain  isn’t  worth  it .

don’t  pretend  to  love  me  when  you’re  feeling  alone .

run  your  mouth  like  you  do  so  well ,  you  did  this  to  yourself .

i  love  you .  don’t  ask  why ,  it’s  just  because  i  do .

i  know  you’re  mine .

you  feel  so  lovely  when  you  touch  me .

you  don’t  wanna  change .

i’ll  say  the  words  and  you’ll  listen .

you  don’t  love  me .

who  am  i  to  hold  you  back ?

i  need  to  know  the  truth .

why’d  you  have  to  say  it ?

i’m  running  out  of  time .

the  self - loathing  comes  and  goes .

fighting  is  doing  no  good .

fuck  it ,  just  drive .

have  you  been  here  before ?

no ,  you  think  i’m  fucking  lazy .

baby ,  i  swear  i  tried .

i’m  dying  to  see  you  again .

i’m  finding  it  harder  to  feel  brave .

don't  make  me  feel  like  i  did  this  all  wrong .

something  in  your  eyes  just  gives  it  away .

it’s  only  in  my  head ,  but  it’s  not  gonna  change .

hit  me  up  anytime  you  want .

maybe  you  could  show  me  another  way  out .

we  should  go  before  i  change  my  mind .

i  know  you’ve  seen  it  but  you’re  not  replying .

fuck  you ,  anyways .

who  am  i  to  hold  you  back  from  finding  someone  who  can  love  you  like  that ?

tell  me  what  the  fuck  you’ve  done ,  i’ll  wait .

i’d  rather  stay  here  and  wait .

i  think  i  might  slip  away .

i’m  so  scared  that  all  of  my  worst  fears  have  followed  me  out  here .

i  swear  it’s  all  about  to  change .

tell  me  it’s  hard  being  you .

i  know  i’m  sounding  crazy .

oh  god ,  i  need  a  change  of  pace .

i’ve  got  enough  friends ,  nobody  else  needs  to  know  my  name .

i  don’t  think  you  realize  just  what  you  do  to  me .

i  can’t  help  but  overanalyze .

you  think  you  can  demand  respect ?

i’m  mad  at  myself .

you  did  this  to  yourself .

i  know  you’re  probably  over  it ,  but  i’m  not  there  at  all .

i  really  wanna  get  away  for  the  weekend .

i’m  tired  and  i’m  fucked  up .

you  don’t  know  what  i’m  feeling .

Fabian's still getting used to being around hockey players. It's like emotional whiplash, going from hating everything about the sport to sitting rinkside in Ottawa watching as Ryan Price leads a group of kids around the ice in a training drill. On the one hand, he's on edge, being back in this environment. On the other, though? He cannot contain the pride that he feels in his chest, watching his boyfriend.

but like all things ilya knew, he'd kept this fact secret, safe — until left alone for too long, at least. shane off being nice to yet another reporter, and the rest of the coaches wrestling with a bunch of kids fresh out of a birthday cake filled lunch. ilya himself stuck off the ice with an ankle sprain that shane was still fussing over him for - like neither of them hadn't gone to the playoffs injured multiple times in the past.

Oh, God. Hi. How are you? It's been a while, isn't it?

How are you? Wait, did I ask that already?

I don't know. You seem… different than the way I remember you.

Oh, God. I don't even know where to start. We are so different now.

Don't you remember the dorky thing we did before?

We were the love birds, what happened to us?

Make me happy, okay?

Get out of here. Come on now. You're gonna make me cry.

Is the coat warm enough for you?

So, what's next for you?

I have to admit there's a small part of me as I was sitting…in the old house and thinking about the times we had there...

It's just a thought, I don't… I mean, I've no plan.

Why you grilling me right now?

I guess I'm a little worried about you? You know. You left for something.

[Name], I don't fucking know what I'm doing, okay?

I don't really know where else to go, except here.

I'm gonna start crying again.

I really think it's your fault, honestly.

It's also little hard 'cause you're really impressive. Your life is really impressive and I am so fucked up.

I just remember looking at [him/she/they] and being very jealous because you are with them.

I don't know at what point… we became like this.

If the reason you spending time with me is because you feel sorry for me. You don't have to do it.

This could not have been here…when we were spending all that time here.

In your hay-day, you were pretty romantic.

I am you and you are me.

I had a very strange mortality moment when I looked at our pictures, how happy we were...

You literally have every shirt you wore in high school still.

I don't even know myself anymore.

We don't deserve this.

It's funny like…having the house to ourselves again, isn't it?

It was a little unnerving…back there, to all that stuff we had. A life we built.

It's almost like I don't know who that person was on the tape.

Don't get me wrong it's not that my…life isn't that…

You don't have to explain it to me. I already know.

I think you could be really, really romantic. But it is to wrong people.

If you don't want to do it, we don't have to do it, I think it could be really romantic.

This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to us. This.

It's a very sweet thing after all these years you can still make me laugh like that.

You're leaving me here for Jesus?

No, that means it's ending, and we part ways..

Don't do that. I don't want it to be over. No!

I've done this for you like a million times, you've never done it for me once.

I've waited very long time for this.

I just always have felt understood by them.

I don't know, I feel what they feel ..I can't explain it, it's…

Decent amount of stars tonight. ...Can I tell you something?

You know, I don't know why… I feel so embarrassed…

There's nothing wrong with my life. I should be happy, but I don't.

There's this sadness inside of me and I don't know where it comes from.

There was a time when I… I would have done it. But things, things are keep changing.

I've loved… I've loved… times we had.

I don't know. It's real now.

I want to say thank you. For tonight, for everything. For never making me feel wrong about who I am.

I just told you something that I never told anyone and I was thinking about... the life we had, how easy it was..

You know, that's a nostalgia thing.

Will you kiss me? I know what I'm asking for ... I still love you.

Listen, I don't want you to go.

It's confusing I get it, okay I just want…We can talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it. I should not have let this game go on for so long.

Do you know what that means?

Well if this is just a game to you, why do you need to kiss me?

What is this… What could this possibly mean to you?

I think you need to understand something that this is my feelings.

Why did you do that? Why did you do that?

You were the one who told me that we were too young. That we were... too young to understand anything!

It was our life! It was our life you took away from me!

We lost it. We lost everything.

I need you to understand something. We had something beautiful until it wasn't.

We were too young to handle it.

I have already answered that question.

I would have sold my soul to the devil to interpret it.

Do not you think you look like that actor…

I do not have ever asked. I have always been myself.

I don't remember. I've never been there.

Hey, I didn't think you'd be scared.

Do you remember me? Well, I'm not surprised.

Do you like Italian food?

I'll sleep in my old room, okay?

Need help with your luggage?

It's not much fun to visit your childhood home.

Maybe you've forgotten, but you promised…

You promised me to read the book before publishing it.

What nonsense! How did you get suspicious!

How much are you conceited. It's incredible.

Please, can someone go to the cellar to fetch the wine ?

Don't slip on the stairs!

I hate the cellar. Grandmother locked me once, remember?

You had the same book as a child?

Grandma was really a witch?

What are you watching?

Camera is required, whether you speak of violence or of everyday banality.

I'm not forced to work in a film like this.

Why are you laughing?

Come, there is something in the garden!

See the turtle? It was a man and it bothered me, so I turned it into turtle.

You have not been drinking wine, yesterday.

Who are you kidding? I struggle to see the truth in here.

You're doing a search on me? Are you serious?

I'm an actress. I can tell the naked truth.

They are my memories. It's my book.

Do you feel guilty?

What a pain in the ass! It takes everything too seriously.

Leave it. I do not really care.

I can not stand the silence.

It has already been 10 years, don't you think?

I have to leave tomorrow morning.

What would you like to do?

Let me see how you do.

How long you do it?

I'm sorry about the other day. I did not want to be disturbed.

I didn't even have time for my dog!

What did I tell you?

We have different colored eyes.

I used contact lenses once. My eyes were so dry, I did not stop crying!

No one ever remembers my face.

I saw your latest movie. It seems to be a success.

Stop calling me "mom."

Uh, we broke up couple years ago.

How long were you together?

Maybe there will be a next time.

Life has no more surprises for me.

Don't say like that!

I never stopped thinking about you.

Please do not go without me.

I feel so lonely when you're gone.

I was told that I slept a lot and speak little.

What do you think of [name]?

What do you think about it?

Wow, for once we agree on same thing.

So, you have more than one?

I understand, but you can not abandon me now.

It is out of the question!

What are you doing here?

Yes. You can come, but it's not a good time!

You are a disaster! Why did you come?

I knew it. Do you need money?

Listen, in the book you're dead, Dad.

You are always more beautiful.

It is always been the case all these time!

How old was your mother when she died?

You've never been sad, or jealous of the other people?

Only now you understand that I don't like to live on Earth.

Here, it's for you. I've got the same.

My dog died. I just buried it.

Look who's Talking. You do it too.

If you don't remember then never mind.

I swear, if I knew I would tell you, but I don't know!

Okay, fine. Don't tell me anything.

I think it's great that you have stopped drinking

Everybody knows. It's not a secret.

You knew very well that you would never reached [name]'s level.

Are you with me or against me?

To hear it from you, it seems like I have killed [him/her/them].

But I'm here. That is what matters.

Why don't you go to bed?

We argued often. But being very friendly, we could afford it.

Well, I canceled at the last moment.

It was my fault, [he/she/they] would turn the pain into art.

It is not a sin to be strong.

I will never forgive you for what you did.

Who do you think you are to decide not to forgive?

How do you endure such a woman? Jeez, your mother.

It is not a work that is done in half.

Do you understand? It is the opposite.

I've always won that battle. For this I stand the loneliness.

How many glasses did you drink?

What did you talk for two hours?

Why did you bring me here?

Do not add water! It ruins the taste of tea!

A promise is a promise.

Do you prefer this rather than keep company with [name]?

Please do not go. I feel so lonely when you're gone.

I never stopped thinking about you.

Life has no more surprise for me.

I had no choice, but I have never stopped thinking about you.

Maybe there will be a next time.

You can not trust the memory even when you recite. The memories come and go.

Did you ever betrayed but you never apologized, even once?

Could you write something for me?

I don't know. I have to think. I'm not sure.

What are you working on?

You should take care of most of those around you.

I already know. I'm not stupid.

The good tactless intentions are the most painful.

Can I ask you a question?

Instead of complaining, do you think you can do it?

Do not touch it! Are you crazy!?

A brow arches. "You stalked Hollander?" Is he surprised? Ilya's intense. Is he that intense, though? "Whatever, I'm not going to stalk Harris." It's their first rough patch and Troy doesn't know what to do. They've decided to take some time apart, which seems concerning. What if that makes things worse? What if Harris realises his life is better without Troy?

troy and harris are not that kind of couple. this isn't a spark and burn out quick relationship, and ilya's old enough now to recognize that, to respect it.

"hey, i get it. sometimes you get attached and it just leads to heartbreak and pain later on."

    shane laughter is immediate, bubbling over his lips as he shakes his head, completely disregarding ilya's playful threats as he falls back onto the pillows.   “  no, i'd just smother you with the pillows.   ” a ridiculous threat that they both know is just as empty as ilya's. he'd lay there, exhausted and half-asleep barely listening but unwilling to tune out the sound of ilya's voice, especially while he's talking about something he cares about so passionately.

    shane loves listening to ilya talk about ballet almost as much as he loves watching him perform. enjoys watching the way his eyes light up, the way he looks like he's doing exactly what he's meant to be, like he could never be happier anywhere else. it's a feeling shane knows well, even while he's being slammed into the boards and thrown onto the ice. fleetingly, he wonders if ilya gets the same feeling watching him.

    he decides to also tuck that feeling away, as he reaches for the phone and motions for ilya to stay quiet. the absolute last thing shane needs is for someone to hear him in the background, for staff to start talking amongst themselves, for the exactly wrong person to overhear and then suddenly shane is in hot water for a split second of something seemingly insignificant. that would be just his luck, wouldn't it ?

    the voice on the other end of the phone sounds tired, annoyed that he even has the audacity to call this late, despite the fact that they're open for another three hours, and somehow it makes shane feel guilty. even so, he orders ilya's food ( regular cherry coke, like he asked ), and a ridiculously modified salad for himself that definitely makes her even more irritated, if the way her voice flattens out is any indicator.

   “  i think the staff might hate me now,   ” he says once he's hung up, sliding back down to a more comfortable laying position on the bed.   “  is staff spitting in food still a thing ? would they do that ?   ”

i would spit on your food. the thought is immediate, unrestrained, but ilya feels no shame for it. he'd feel none even if he had said the words out loud. it's hard to feel shame when it came to things he'd do to shane, for him. it would be like being ashamed of living, of breathing, the need to do things for and to shane almost like instinct, a second nature, something that was as much of a part of him as was every other biological function he had. it had been a terrifying moment when he realized, he can still feel the blood in his teeth, the rapid heartbeat beneath his skin if he lingers too hard on the memory, so he doesn't. he thinks about spitting wherever shane wanted him to, and thinks about nothing else at all.

"mm. will be hard to spit in salad and it not be seen. should be more worried about my burger." he says instead of literally any of the thoughts about spitting and shane that he's having. swallowing back a sudden influx of spit before smiling and scooting closer. wet, too wet, suspiciously wet, mouth pressing a series of kisses to shane's bare skin before he gets a handle on himself —

and then, he bursts into a sudden laugh. shoulders trembling as he buries his face against's shane's chest and tells him so seriously, even as his voice breaks with bursts of laughter: "they're going to think you have a very picky girl in here, one who orders boring salad and drinks water out of the sink."