#gaeul fluff

The phone rang twice before Gaeul answered.

“Hey,” you said, trying to keep your voice light. “It’s a beautiful day today. Thought I’d come by and drag you out for a walk.”

There was a pause on the other end, long enough that you thought the call had dropped. Then came a thin laugh. “Drag me out? That sounds dangerous.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Not today,” she said quickly.

“You’ve said that every night this week.”

Static filled the silence, and you heard a faint shuffle—like she was pacing, or maybe just fidgeting. Her voice dropped when she spoke again. “I’m just… tired.”

“You’ve been tired for months now.”

Her reply came sharper this time. “So? Maybe I’m allowed to be tired.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Of course you are. I just… I’m worried, Gaeul. You never want to leave the house anymore. You skip classes, cancel plans. That’s not you.”

“People change,” she muttered.

“You used to call me at midnight just to drag me out for ice cream. That wasn’t so long ago.”

“That was a long time ago,” she said flatly.

“It was a few months ago.”

“I like being home. That’s all. I don’t need to explain it.”

“No,” you said gently, “you don’t. But… it feels like you’re hiding from something.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

This time her voice trembled, just enough to seep through the static. “Because it’s not true. I’m fine.”

But she wasn’t fine. You could hear it.

“If you were fine,” you said softly, “you wouldn’t sound like this every time I ask you to step outside. You sound…“ Afraid. You didn’t say it. She would have hung up on you.

On the other end, a long silence. Then, barely above a whisper: “Please… just let it go.”

The line stayed open a few moments longer, the only sound her uneven breathing, before she muttered a rushed goodnight and hung up.

You sat there with the phone still pressed to your ear.

Gaeul hasn’t been herself for months now. You didn’t know why. She just changed, almost like a switch flipped inside of her. You had a hunch it was her boyfriend. There really wasn’t any other reason: she was doing well in college, her friends didn’t do anything, and her parents were doing just fine.

Fuck. Why was it him anyway? Why not you?

Gaeul was still rotting in that apartment. He clearly didn’t do a good job. 

You had to take a stronger approach; otherwise, she’d never come out. While you were thinking about it, a movie was scheduled to air today. It was a re-run of something older, but it was horror, and you remembered how much Gaeul liked those. Maybe it would knock her back into her senses. 

Thirty minutes later, your car was already sitting in front of her house. You didn’t ask if she wanted to go; if you had, she probably would’ve said no. So you just rang at her doorbell with two crumpled tickets in your hand, and said, “Come on. Starts in half an hour.”

She came out in a hurry after recognizing your voice. Hair a little messy, sweater sleeves rolled over her elbows, and big glasses rested on her small nose. “What is it?”

“Horror movie,” you grinned, showing your tickets. “I heard it’s pretty good. Pretty scary. The ones you like, right?”

That earned you a tiny huff, but you saw the corners of her mouth rising up.

“What’s the plot?” she asked.

“Don’t remember,” you replied. “Hop on and come find out.”

“Wait a sec,” she said, going back into her place to slip on some shoes and some more appropriate clothes.

She didn’t take long. She didn’t really bother with how she presented herself in front of you. After about ten minutes, she was already outside.

“I’m here,” she announced. She put a hand on the handle and looked around.

“You’re supposed to look left and right when crossing the street, not when entering a car.”

“Shut up.”

“Alright,” you said as she stepped inside. You turned on the engine and left her house behind. 

“So? Did anything good this week?” you asked. You didn’t like the silence.

Gaeul stayed quiet for a moment, even though she didn’t really need to think about it. “You know, studied and—”

“—reviewed for the future exams, yep,” you interrupted her. “Well, at least did you eat? The food I brought you yesterday.”

“Yeah, yeah, I ate it, it was really good. You know I always like chicken.”

“That’s good,” you said and smiled.

You found parking very easily. The theater was half-empty, and the air already smelled like butter and sugar. You bought the largest bucket of popcorn they offered and filled it with butter and sugar. You could probably bury half of your arm inside it. 

She rolled her eyes but stole a handful as soon as you sat down. It was for her after all.

When the lights dimmed and the screen lit up, you leaned back, pretending you weren’t watching her out of the corner of your eye. The first jump scare landed exactly where you knew it would, and she flinched hard, shoulders jerking.

You bit back a laugh.

“Silence in the theater,” she hissed at you. From there on, she was completely immersed in the motion picture.

The first jump scare got her—she jerked hard, then laughed at herself. After that, every flinch only seemed to amuse her more. You couldn’t understand why, but it was honestly kind of intimidating. Maybe she was secretly a serial killer in the making.

Gaeul was alive in a way you hadn’t seen in months. She leaned forward during tense scenes, muttered little predictions under her breath, and when the monster appeared, she laughed like a kid. It was like watching her slip back into a forgotten version of herself.

You found yourself watching her more than the screen. This was the girl you’d been missing, the one who was bright, free, and heartbreakingly beautiful.

When the credits rolled, she sat back with a grin, clapping as if the cast could hear her. “That was terrible,” she said, beaming. “I loved it.”

“You’re so weird,” you said while going down the stairs.

“What? You didn’t like it? You bought the tickets.” She turned to you mockingly, but there was still laughter in her eyes.

“I bought them for you, not me,” you admitted. “Honestly? I probably looked away half the time.”

She snorted. “Scaredy-cat.”

You held a hand to your chest. “Excuse me, I was protecting my brain. Those jumpscares wear down your reflexes, you know.”

She rolled her eyes, tugging her sleeves down as the two of you stepped into the cool night air. 

“Alright, alright,” you said. “Let’s get some food. Where do you want to go?”

“Something casual,” she murmured, sliding into the passenger seat. “I haven’t really dressed up. If we go somewhere nice, they’ll think I look weird and stare at me.”

You glanced at her, catching the way she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her sweater a little too big for her frame. “They’ll stare, yeah,” you said, voice softer now. “Because you’ll be the prettiest girl in the room.”

She swatted at you lightly, a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth. “Oh, shut up.”

The burger place wasn’t anything fancy—fluorescent lights, sticky tables, a fryer that hissed constantly in the back. Just smelled like grease and bleach.

She followed you in, tugging at her sleeves, still a bit out of her comfort zone. A couple of kids were noisily sharing fries at one table, and a guy in a hoodie ate alone in the corner. Nobody paid her any mind.

You ordered at the counter and came back with a red plastic tray stacked with food—two burgers wrapped in paper, fries spilling out of their carton, and two of the biggest milkshakes you could find.

“Hey,” you said as you slid the tray onto the table. “Special delivery.”

Her eyes flicked to the pile, and she gave you the tiniest smirk. “That’s a lot of food.”

“Yeah,” you said. “Good thing I’m starving. You’ll just have to keep up.”

She peeled open her burger and took a small bite, then another. You noticed the way her shoulders loosened a little. She used to be so tense.

You popped a fry into your mouth and leaned back. “Better than the popcorn?”

She glanced at you over her glasses. “What.”

You grinned. “I saw you almost finish half the bucket by yourself.”

She kicked you lightly under the table. “Shut up. You know it’s rude to talk about a lady’s eating habits.”

“It wasn’t negative, though.”

“Certainly didn’t sound like it, mister.”

The conversation didn’t need to be heavy. You let her talk about the movie, her favorite kills, and how the special effects were both awful and amazing. She gestured more than usual, waving a fry around like a pointer, grease staining her napkin.

And you just sat there, chewing slowly, smiling at the way her voice filled the space.

You’ve noticed that the only way to really get her talking was to make her talk about something else. Something far away from herself. She hated talking about herself. She wasn’t always like that. That was just the last few months, but you just had to keep up with her if you truly cared for her.

“So what, you didn’t have anything better to do today?” she asked, plucking another fry from the carton.

“What do you mean?”

“The movie. Why did you… want to watch it?”

You shrugged. “Honestly? I just wanted to hang out with you. Catch you smiling again. Is that bad?”

“You’re gonna regret it,” she said, taking another handful. “When—when I finish the whole basket.”

“I ordered them for you,” you said easily

She almost smiled, but her eyes dropped to the table. “For you,” she whispered. “Yeah, but… people don’t usually mean it… it’s fine at first, but then it’s too much.”

You tilted your head. “Too much?”

She froze for half a second, then laughed quickly. She waved her hand like she could erase it. “I mean, too many fries. That’s all.”

You nudged the carton toward her, pretending not to notice. “Well, they’re all yours anyway. I’ve had enough.”

She gave you a small smile, but her hands betrayed her, shredding the paper wrapper into neat little strips.

“You always do that,” you said.

“Do what?”

“Fidget with things. Wrappers, napkins, straws. You’ve destroyed more paper than a shredder.”

She chuckled softly, but her shoulders had drawn in tighter. “Old habit. Keeps my hands busy.”

“Busy from what?” you asked gently.

Her eyes flicked to the fries, then away. A beat passed before she shrugged. “I don’t know… from saying the wrong thing, maybe?” She said it quickly, like tossing a pebble in water, then shoved another fry in her mouth before you could answer.

“Anyways, how much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, come on,” she said, squinting at you. “How much was it?”

“As I said—nothing. I threatened the worker with a gun, and they handed it over for free.”

Gaeul laughed, nearly snorting into her shake. “You’re insane. I hope they catch you and lock you up.”

“Wow. So mean.”

“You deserve it.” She grinned, stealing one last fry before pushing the empty carton toward you like evidence.

You leaned back in the booth with a dramatic sigh. “Alright, partner in crime, before the cops show up, should we get going?”

She rolled her eyes, but you caught the smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah, let’s go.”

You gathered up the papers and boxes, dumped them in the trash, and the two of you slipped back out into the night.

The drive back was quiet: her forehead against the passenger window, your playlist humming low through the speakers. She looked calm. You figured tonight was a success after all.

When you pulled up in front of her building, before coming out, she straightened and sat quietly for a moment. She reached for the door handle, then paused. “Do you… want to come up?” 

You turned to her. “Are you sure?”

She gave a little shrug, trying to be casual. “It’s not a big deal. Just… for tea or something. You don’t have to.” But she didn’t look at you when she said it. 

You smiled gently. “Sure, why not?”

You followed her up the narrow stairwell, the sound of your footsteps echoing against the concrete. Neither of you talked.

At the top, she fished her keys from her pocket and unlocked the door. The apartment was dim, blinds pulled halfway shut. She slipped her shoes off by the door and set her bag down.

“I’ll make tea,” she said, already moving toward the kitchen. The switch clicked, and the weak light overhead flickered once before holding steady.

You walked around a bit in the living room, awkwardly looking around and acting like you hadn’t seen this place thousands of times. The colors were dim. The walls were white and grey, and her furniture wasn’t really flashy either. So the yellow in the corner of your eyes stood out brightly.

The folder sat on the corner of her coffee table, half-buried under a stack of fashion magazines. They were old. To think that she had always talked about new trends and designers with you, but she hadn’t renewed her subscription in a long time.

You simply wanted to tidy up while she was making tea in the kitchen, but the bold letters caught your eye: session notes.

You told yourself not to cross the line. That was her stuff, and you shouldn’t look. However, the wear in the corners and the torn edges of the paper folder itched at you, and you moved your fingers before your conscience could catch up.

Gaeul’s name was right at the top of the paper. It seemed to have been written a couple of months ago, as described by the date, but she hadn’t been the one who wrote it.

Presenting Concerns:Client processing effects of prior intimate partner relationship. Reports anxiety, difficulty trusting, intrusive memories.

You read the words carefully, but in a hurry. Client? Partner? Anxiety? It must have been her therapist, but who was the partner?

Session Content / Client Report:Client describes repeated emotional degradation from ex-partner. Notes of verbal belittling, accusations of dishonesty, and surveillance of personal interactions. Client states ex often monitored phone, restricted contact with friends.

The words on the page felt like a punch in the chest. You went over the words again and again. Surely, you must have read the wrong things. You were just tired. It happened to everyone, but then you went on to the second section.

The letters blurred. You stared at the lines—“forceful arm-grabbing,” “blocking doorways,” “self-blame”—and they stopped being sentences on a page. They became shapes, images, scenes, playing vividly in your mind.

You started to feel sick. Something turned inside your stomach, and it made you grip the paper harder. From the kitchen, you heard her humming, the sound of a kettle being set down, her footsteps soft against the floor.

You wanted to shove the folder back under the magazines, to rewind time and unsee the words, but it was too late.

When she returned, two mugs in her hands, you couldn’t look at her the same. Gaeul had half a smile on her face. You had worked so hard to gift back even a hint of joy on her lips, but as soon as she saw what you were holding, it faded away.

Gaeul immediately looked down at the floor. She set down the mugs and slowly looked back up at you.

“Hey—” you choked. There was an ache in your throat that felt impossible to swallow. You did your best not to lash out, but all of a sudden, you felt a lot of shame.

“Did you read it?” she asked.

You couldn’t dodge it. You owed her honesty.

“Oh well, I… I saw the notes,” you said and laughed awkwardly. “It has the same name as you, funny, I didn’t know you had a friend with the same name as you.”

She didn’t laugh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, I…”

“How much did you read?” she asked firmly.

You didn’t answer, but your silence was enough for her to understand. You saw her shoulders tense, the tiniest flinch as though she were bracing for your judgment.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you whispered. “Is that why… that’s why you’ve been acting this way, right?”

Her phone. She never let it out of her sight, and yet she never knew what was going on in the world. She didn’t follow the news, she didn’t know any memes—sure, she would laugh at them, but you had to show them to her—and she didn’t watch any shows. You remembered how quickly she checked her phone whenever she got a text.

Her apologies. God, she said, sorry for everything, and they weren’t even her fault. When she bumped into something, when she said something wrong, when she wore something a bit bright. Now that you thought about it…

Her clothes. She had been afraid to shine, to be beautiful.

Her silences. Her shoulders tightened whenever the topic of relationships came up. Her eyes flicked down, and she dodged all questions.

And the way she flinched. Once, you slammed your car door too hard, and she jumped. Another time, someone dropped a tray in a café, and she stiffened so sharply, like she was in another world completely.

Every sign had been there. You had been there the whole time. You had watched her flinch, fold, apologize—and you had smiled at her without asking why. And now, staring at the neat black letters on the page—blocking exits during arguments… forceful grabbing… monitoring phone—you hated yourself for not piecing it together sooner.

You were a fool.

You tried to keep your voice steady. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have looked. But I know now. I know what he did.”

You inhaled deeply. It burned. You should’ve noticed sooner.

“This… all of this had been happening while…” You started and stopped. “And you never told anybody. God, you shouldn’t have had to.”

Her eyes glistened, but she looked away, forcing a shaky laugh. It was brittle, fragile. You had heard it before, whenever things got too personal. She shook her head, too quickly.

“It’s nothing. Old stuff. Doesn’t matter anymore.” Her fingers worked the edge of her sleeve, twisting the fabric, tearing the threads.

“It does matter,” you said softly. “You don’t have to keep pretending.”

You watched her shrink in on herself, curling small in the chair, and the worry inside you swelled until it ached. You could hear her therapist’s words in your head: self-blame… minimization… hypervigilance. You recognized them now, written in the slump of her shoulders, in the way she wouldn’t meet your gaze.

Your chest tightened. You wanted to hold her hand, take her into your arms, tell her everything was okay—but you knew she was afraid. This wasn’t about what you wanted. Pushing too hard might only drive her deeper into silence.

“Please,” she said softly, almost pleading. “Can we not do this right now? I don’t want to… fuck up this evening. It’s the first time I’ve felt a little normal in months.”

The words knocked the air out of you. She had been buried under so much weight, and here you were, dragging the past into the one night she let herself breathe. But at the same time, it tore you apart. How could she think she was the one who would ruin this? How could she not see that it was already broken long before tonight, and not because of her?

You swallowed, trying to keep your voice gentle, steady. Every part of you screamed to keep pushing, to tell her you would never leave, but you didn’t. What if the wrong word shattered her? What if your love only hurt her more?

“You’re not fucking anything up. You never could. What happened to you—that’s not on you. And you don’t have to keep pretending for my sake.”

She ducked her gaze, twisting the mug in her hands, and for a second, you thought she was going to shut down completely. But then her lip trembled, and she whispered, “I just wanted one night where I didn’t have to be… this version of me.”

You leaned forward, meeting her eyes until she couldn’t look away.

“Please, don’t say that, Gaeul. There’s no version of you you’d have to hide.”

That sentence scared her. Because now she knew that you cared more than she thought, but she didn’t want to give herself like this. She didn’t think she was enough for you. She thought she was broken.

You sat down right next to her. You looked straight into her eyes. “Please don’t think that after I discovered these things, I think of you any differently. It wasn’t your fault after all.”

Her eyes flicked away instantly, glancing at the corner of the room.

“I’m sorry if I didn’t catch it earlier. I saw it. I saw the signs, but I didn’t understand. But it doesn’t change a thing. It doesn’t make you weaker in my eyes. If anything, it shows how strong you’ve been, pushing through all of this alone.”

She shook her head, tears threatening again. “Strong? No, you don’t understand. I’m… broken. I’m scared all the time. I don’t want to drag you into this mess.”

“I want to be here. With you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Her lip trembled, and for a moment she tried to laugh, but it came out as a shaky, humorless gasp. “You’ll regret it,” she said. “You’ll see the worst of me, and you’ll leave, just like everyone else.”

You let the silence settle around her turmoil. You never looked away. She had to understand you were serious about it. The more you swore she was enough, the more you felt like a liar, because no promise could undo what had been done to her.

Her breathing hitched. “Please.” When she finally spoke, her voice was unsteady. She trembled at every word. It was a great effort just to pronounce them; she didn’t bother thinking it through; they just came out.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“How am I looking at you?”

“Like you love me.”

Gaeul’s words gutted you. The old pain was still there in her eyes, lingering like a scar that never healed right. Her heart was scarred, and every time she thought she could love again, it came back to haunt her.

“Don’t… don’t give me false hope.” Her voice cracked, sharp with anger, “play with me.” And then sadness: “You’re all I have.”

You took a deep breath. Seeing her tear up again hurt you as much as it did her. “I mean it. I’ve never lied to you.”

“I know…” Her voice was barely audible.

“I love you, Gaeul.”

She flinched, like the word itself had struck her, her body recoiling before her mind could catch up. “No, don’t—” Gaeul choked out.

“I love you,” you repeated, firmer this time.

Her eyes darted away, but you reached out, holding her shoulders until she faced you. “Gaeul. Look at me.”

Gaeul was a trembling mess. Even her eyes twitched, red with fear, spilling tears down her cheeks.

“You deserve to be loved,” you whispered.

“Even—even after—”

“No matter what.”

“Why?” Gaeul sobbed. Her tears run down to the corner of her mouth, leaving a salty taste on her tongue, mixed with her everlasting bitterness. “Why would you ever love me?”

“I don’t need a reason. I just do,” you said. “Gaeul. I love you. That’s the truth.”

She shook her head, hands trembling against her lap. “You’ve seen it all. What happened to me. I- I- I’m just… ruined. Leftover.”

“You’re the woman I love,” you said, almost pleading now. “And maybe I’m an idiot for saying it, but I’d rather stay here in your wreckage than be anywhere else without you.”

Gaeul shook her head violently, her tears scattering across her cheeks.

Her whole body shuddered. She pressed her hands to her eyes, shaking her head. “Stop saying that,” she whispered, her voice breaking mid-word. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“I’m not asking for anything,” you said softly. “I just don’t want you to be alone.”

She tried to argue, but the words dissolved before they left her lips. With a sudden, desperate movement, she lurched forward, burying herself in your chest. Her arms clung to you as if she let go, she’d fall apart completely.

You froze, startled by the suddenness of it—but she didn’t release you. Her face pressed into your chest, and the sobs came hard, raw, like they had been trapped inside her for years.

Her body completely betrayed her. She needed you. She needed someone to trust her and help her put her pieces back together.

The cries tore out of her in broken gasps, each one stripping away a little more of the armor she had carried for so long.

You held her gently, carefully, as though she might break. 

“I’ve got you,” you whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Her grip only tightened. She didn’t believe it—not fully. She was afraid you’d vanish if she let go.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I’m so sorry.”

Her sobs gradually softened. She stayed pressed against you, her forehead damp against your shirt. You stroked her back slowly.

“It’s okay,” you murmured. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

Her breath hitched again. A long silence passed before she whispered, so quietly you almost missed it: “Say it again.”

You tilted your head down toward her hair. “Say what?”

“That you love me.”

Your lips pressed gently against the crown of her head, your eyes closing as you held her tighter. “I love you, Gaeul. I’ve always loved you.”

“I needed to hear it,” she breathed. “To know you meant it. That I wasn’t… imagining it.”

“I meant every word,” you said softly. “You don’t ever have to doubt that.”

She lifted her head just enough to meet your eyes. They were swollen and rimmed with red, but softer now, no longer heavy with despair. Her lips parted, closed, then parted again before she finally found the words. 

“I should have been with you,” she confessed, her voice breaking around the words. “All this time. Instead I—” She swallowed hard. “Instead, I went to him. And I’m so sorry. You deserved better.”

You cupped her face gently, brushing your thumb across the damp trail of her tears. “Hey. Don’t apologize for that. You don’t owe me anything. I just… I’m glad you’re here now. That’s all I want.”

“You’re too good to me.”

“No,” you said gently. “That’s what you deserve.”

Her eyes fluttered shut, and she leaned back into your chest, her weight settling against you. For the first time in months, she let herself believe it—she wasn’t alone anymore.

Her head stayed tucked against your chest, small and fragile, but calmer now. You stroked her hair, letting the silence stretch comfortably around you.

“…Do you… want to stay?” Her voice was barely audible, hesitant. “Tonight. Just… here, with me?”

You gave her a gentle squeeze. “Of course. I’m not going anywhere.”

She exhaled softly, a tiny shiver running through her. “Good. I… I just… I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

When the lights were off and the quiet settled in, you slid under the blanket beside her. She lay stiffly on her side at first, hands curled close to her chest.

You stayed still, careful not to press. The silence stretched, broken only by her uneven breaths. Then, slowly, she shifted closer—an inch, then another—until her arm brushed against yours. She hesitated again, trembling, but finally she gave in, slipping both arms around your middle and burying her face against your chest.

Her grip was tight, almost desperate, and her voice came muffled against your shirt. “I’m sorry… if I’m so needy.”

You rested your chin gently on her hair. “Don’t apologize. You don’t need to. I want to be here.”

She held her breath for a moment, then let it out in a shaky sigh, hugging you tighter as if your words unlocked something in her. The tension in her body slowly eased, her breathing steadied, and little by little, she grew heavier on you.

You smoothed your hand through her hair, listening to the rhythm of her breath. She had let herself cling to you, and in your arms, she finally found peace.

THE END

Written,

“Mhmm,” Gaeul says, walking in with quiet footsteps. “Just had the 2026 Reading Korea event done.”

“Wanna watch TV? Or maybe play some games?

She shakes her head with a gentle smile. “I just want to read a little and unwind.”

“Then come here first,” I say, patting my lap. “Let’s get that overdue ear cleaning appointment done today while you read. You deserve to relax from all the chaos.”

Gaeul sets her bag down by the kitchen counter and walks towards me, settling comfortably as she rests her head on my lap. Book in her hand and the ear cleaning kit in mine, I thread my fingers through her dark, smooth hair that’s spilt across my thighs like ink, gathering it to the side to expose her ear. With a slight shift of her head to get herself in position, she opens Scythe and starts reading aloud in her soft, steady voice.

I open the box and take out the ear pick, starting slowly and carefully to trace the soft flesh of her outer ear with the cool metal end of the ear pick, before sliding in with careful scrapes.

Working gently, I clear away the invisible weight of her endless practices, stages, cameras and judgmental stares. Each drag triggering a small shiver of pleasure, each curl drawing a soft moan of approval. Between strokes, my free hand brushes the stray strands of hair from her temple, swaying softly from the cool breeze of the air-conditioning.

“This line here is pretty nice,” she says, turning up slightly to look at me when I lift the ear pick off for a brief clean.

I look down at her glassy eyes.

“You’ve been blooming so beautifully,” I murmur, sliding the pick back in. “Aphrodite with your lovely pink hair, Persephone with jet black… The world is finally seeing how radiant you always have been. But right now, you don't have to shine for anyone.” I rub my thumb across her cheek, leaning down to plant a kiss on her forehead.

“Just stay right here with me.”

“If you keep saying sweet things while digging my ears, I really won't be able to finish this chapter,” she chuckles softly, cheeks pink from my affection.

I swap sides to work on her other ear, making sure to be as tender and as loving as possible, removing the weight of her burdens and worries that’s clouding her. The room is soon replaced with deep and calm breathing, her body melting and relaxing further into my lap as the gentle cleaning continues. The silent intimacy wraps arounds both of us like soft silk.

No spotlight, no pressure. Just the soft sound of the metal against skin, her calm presence, and the occasional turn of a page.

When I’m done, I gently tap her shoulder after setting the tool aside.

“All done~” I whisper.

Gaeul closes the book with a contented sigh and turns her head to look up at me.

“All clean. I’ll go shower now—”

“Wait.” Her fingers catch my wrist. “Let me do yours too. It's only fair.”

“No need, baby. You should get some rest—”

Greeted with her insistent pout, I give out a sigh of reluctant defeat. She shifts and guides my head into her lap, mirroring my actions from before, cradling me like a baby between the warmth of her thighs.

“You feel nice,” I mumble, snuggling into her.

With focused care, Gaeul picks up the other pair of ear picks and begins to clean my ears. Free hand threading lightly through my hair, her hands dance across my face softly like she’s playing pianississimo on a piano.

“Read to me?”

I pick up the book and continue from where she left off, feeling her gentle, loving scrapes that sends small waves of comfort through me. With each passing second, the words linger in the soft lamplight, letting them settle between us, seeping into our hearts.

“Love remained mortal, while we became eternal.” I read, turning a page.

Hearing the words, her movements grow even gentler, as though she is savouring this small, shared moment as much as I am. She hums a small approval at the words, pondering deeply about its meaning.

“I like that line,” she says. “Don’t you think it's fascinating? We live in a world that wants everything to be perfect for eternity, and yet real love still feels so fragile and precious, especially in the small moments.”

“I do~” I hum, closing my eyes to let her words simmer within me. “It makes me want to cherish small simple things more, like us right now, cleaning each other’s ears after a long day, listening to you read, or even just us sitting together on this couch in silence, accompanying each other.”

I set the open book against my chest and draw in a slow measured breath, letting my feelings for her come through. “Because love stays mortal and fleeting… and that's what makes it much more beautiful,” I say, turning to the next page.

Time goes by as Gaeul works on my other ear, her soft soothing hums and my steady words forming a dome of shared, sacred space around us, one that at least keeps our love for each other intact and deeply bound.

When she finally sets the tool down, I look up at her. She's smiling at me with a small, quiet affection, her fingers still threaded through my hair, thumb grazing the warm smoothness of my forehead.

I close the book and sit up, speaking the last line I have just seen like a promise I have made just for her and her alone.

“We are imperfect beings, and perfection is not our goal.”

Resting my forehead gently onto hers, I cup her cheeks on both sides and whisper into her mouth.

“Hey! You must be my new roommate! Nice to meet you, my name is Gaeul.” By the time I step back inside with the last bag, a girl is already standing by the kitchen island, greeting me with a warm smile. Her outfit is very casual, a simply white T-shirt with an unzipped jacket and pair of jeans. Her eyes winks behind her glasses – makeup minimal, long hair that’s dyed pink naturally fall to the side of her shoulders.

“Oh hey! Sorry for getting stuff messy! Hi Gaeul, nice to meet you too!” I quickly introduce myself, and based on the conversation, Gaeul should be my noona. And indeed, I can catch a bit of those caring vibes inside her.

“Are you still in school? Or what do you do for a living?” Gaeul hands me a cup of ice water, perfect for this hot weather. I finish half of the cup in one big gulp, explaining how I ended up here.

“Aw… parental pressure, I see.” Her smile is still genuine, no judges, no comments, just welcoming and polite. “How about you? Gaeul-noona, what do you do?” I shut the door behind me as I finally move the last luggage inside of the apartment.

“You don’t have to be so formal, Gaeul is fine.” She giggles, cheeks tinting just a little. “And me? I write songs, and I sing.”

“Ah, so you are a musician!” I respond.

“Hehehe… part time musician is more accurate, gotta pay the bills first, you know.” Gaeul laughs shyly, like I just handed her the biggest compliment in years. “Most of the time I work at that pub across the block, serving, cashier kinda stuff.”

“I see I see, well, I gotta start tidying up my stuff before it gets too late. Will talk to you more later!” I give her a polite nod while standing up from the couch, offering my hand. Gaeul shakes my hand very lightly, her cold skin contrasts with her warm smile.

“Okie, I won’t bother you then. Let me know if you need anything, ok?” Gaeul then heads back to her own room, leaving the door slightly ajar. I kneel on the carpet and unzips my suitcases, the apartment is very clean and neat – minimal in decorations but the carpet is soft and fluffy, walls white without a single stain, the dishes are organized nicely on the shelf.

I feel a really cautious sense of relief as I step in my room. Maybe about 150 square feet in size? The landlord was kind enough to leave a bed with mattress, a wardrobe and a desk in the room. I stuff the clothes into the wardrobe, pillows and sheet on the bed, push the empty suitcase beneath the bed and that’s basically it for my move in. Well, what more do you expect from a broke ass college student? My bone starts to protest after this long way, so I stretch my body and let the bed embrace me.

I suddenly think of Gaeul. Well, at least I got a really quiet and nice roommate. Not like the ones who drinks and parties with their friends in a shared space. “Don’t get too attached though, she is just a roommate being nice.” I remind myself.

-

The following a few weeks are pretty monotone, I have minimal interaction with Gaeul anyways. I wake up each morning, feeling light-headed and muscles aching, but life goes on, isn’t it? I walk to my college across the street, finish those classes that God knows if they are useful in real life then I dip. Maybe a quick snack or lunch? Then I work to the cafeteria style dining hall in my school until dusk. 5 days a week, 6 hours per day. Since Gaeul works the night shift in the pub, she usually already left by the time my tired body arrives at the apartment. And similarly, when I get up, her bedroom is closed, occasional snoring sounds as I pass by her door for washroom.

Maybe she is really tired as well.

Over the weekends, I just stay in my room, writing fictions or just play games with my friends online as a coping mechanism. Meanwhile, Gaeul uses her free time doing her music stuff. I see a guitar stand in her room, as the guitar sits on her laps, her headphone is on while making her music.

We sometimes order takeouts together, quoting Gaeul, it is “splitting to lower the delivery fee”. Or we sometimes just eat at a different time. Even if we eat together, the conversation is minimal. Maybe a simple “How’s your week?”, plus some “Not bad, yourself?”. She never asks me about my school work or my cafeteria shift. I feel odd to start the conversation too, so neither do I ask about her “music production.” That is good, roommates are just roommates, an appropriate boundary is always the way to go.

There is just one thing odd.

Her kindness.

I feel like Gaeul is being too nice. We cook our own meals and share the fridge, that is normal. But starting the second week after I moved in? Sometimes when I opened the fridge, there would be a sticky note on some container. It either says something like “Don’t skip breakfast!”, or “I cooked extra food in the blue container, feel free to eat it before it expires! :)”.

Each time, I devour the food without thinking too much, I told myself, “She’s just being a good roommate, don’t read into it. People like Gaeul is just nice to everyone, I’m not an exception. I should instead be grateful for having roommate like her.”

Until today. I drag my almost-dead body back from a long cafeteria shift as usual – was assigned to carry the milk from the delivery truck to the storage for a minimum hourly wage. I yank the fridge open with rage, only to see a dozen-pack of Celsius with another sticky note on it. “I bought this after shift last night, there was a promotion, I thought you’d like it. Drink as many as you want. – G.”

How does she know I like Celsius? I feel confused, but cracking one open anyway. The familiar spark hits my tongue, and for a second the exhaustion eases. Then the thought creeps in: “She remembered. From that first night.” I swallow hard. On the night I moved in, Gaeul cooked us some hearty, comforting dish, saying it was her “Welcoming of the new member of the apartment.” She asked me what drink I wanted; I then casually slipped the fact that I am a hardcore caffeine addict so she handed me a can of Celsius. “Caffeine really helps sometimes, huh? I don’t drink energy drinks so I won’t get to taste this, I guess. My friend gave this to me but now it’s yours!”

“Yay! Thank you Gaeul, this is fire.” I took the Celsius, chugged it in a blink of an eye. “You know? This taste so much better than that cheap ass brewed coffee they offer in my cafeteria, but they are free because I work there, so I guess why not?”

“Hehehe, don’t be too strict to yourself, treat yourself better! Buy what you want to drink, you know.” Gaeul giggles.

“Nah… maybe when my life gets less messy.”

…

I try to stay up late until Gaeul is back so I can thank her in person, but my exhausted body eventually give in and sleep claims me. The next time I open my eyes, I am lying on the couch in the living room, with a blanket on my body. I stand up and scan the darkness around me; there is some faint light beneath Gaeul’s bedroom door: she is still awake.

Her door is shut, but I walk to her room regardless. I lean on the door to see if she is making music so I know if I should knock or not. Nothing but some light humming – maybe chilling after work? I hesitate, hand already on the cold, steel door handle. Am I overstepping? Am I just thinking too much? Gaeul buys roommate the drink he likes because there is a promotion, it is not that big of a deal, right? She is just too nice. Why can’t she just be a jerk so I don’t have to feel this?

I can feel my face blush, just a little bit though. I eventually fold. I scribble the note on a sticky pad, the pen scratching louder than usual in the quiet apartment. My handwriting looks shaky. I stick it on the fridge next to her last one, the ink still wet.

“Thank you so much Gaeul, let me know how much it is so I can pay you back!”

I wait. Ten minutes past. Then ten more. The light through Gaeul’s door gap doesn’t get dimmer, and she also doesn’t come outside. I feel like my eyes don’t want to stay open anymore, so I escape back to my room.

-

I hear the door of his bedroom is closed, I finally stand up from my bed and reach for my door handle gently. I don’t want to wake him up. I saw him falling asleep on the couch earlier when I got back from work, he must be having a tough day.

I walk outside towards the kitchen, barefooted, it’ll be really awkward if he comes out right now. Oh goodness, he turned his light off already. I don’t see any light through his bedroom door. I open the fridge while having my eyes closed. I bought this Celsius drink that he mentioned during the first dinner we had that he’s obsessed with it. Am I being too much? Would it make things more awkward? Oh no… what should I do if he just didn’t see them? What if he just ignored because he felt like I am crossing boundaries?

I have no idea.

Like a child blushing for a surprise Christmas Gift, I slowly open my eyes. The box had been opened; he took a can. Oh! There is a sticky note, what does it say?

“Thank you so much Gaeul, let me know how much it is so I can pay you back!”

Oh boy, you definitely don’t have to be this gentle. But why am I blushing so hard? It is not the first time this happened though. Let me recall where did it all start.

Maybe it was when you were moving in? Hehehe…. You called me noona, very gentle yet a bit restraint. You just talked about your life, your parental problems, being forced to move out? And just the bare minimum financial support? That’s really cruel. But I adore your courage to take on challenges from life to get what you want. I saw a version of myself in you.

The version of myself who refused a full-time job offer – way higher wage than this pub job – to pursue my song writing dream. Maybe the suffer will all be worth it one day? I don’t know. But at least we always have to try.

I heard you once mentioned that you skip breakfast regularly just for 10 minutes of extra sleep. Gosh! What did life do to this poor boy? I guess making extra food while I am cooking and save it for my roommate isn’t crossing personal boundaries, right? I’m not sure. I can always see the container being washed and drained on the counter when I’m up. But I can’t see your thoughts.

I hope you maybe just treat me as a kind noona who cares about her roommate, I don’t want to get things complicated, what if you also have feelings for me? Oh Gaeul, please don’t be that naïve to yourself.

I remember you said you had a girlfriend in high school, but she broke up with you because she was being too possessive. You said she would call you ten times a day after class just “checking-in”, gosh. That was the time when I started to realize I shouldn’t be this obvious. So, I just kept things minimal, maybe a greet when we meet in the hallway. Sometimes you thanked me for the food I made you, I just smile gently but you know that just made me so happy.

Do I have feeling towards you? I don’t know… I really don’t see the reason why you’ll think the same about me. I am just a part-time songwriter and you are a community college student that’s trying to escape from strict parental controls, maybe we’re just destined to walk on different directions.

Do you know I started writing a song because of you? I don’t dare to say it is “for you”, because I can’t afford to lose a roommate who can accept me. Accept my oddness, accept me for being such a romantic. Gosh. Hopeless one. I named the song “My Jamais Vu”. We’ve been sharing the same roof for weeks, but each time I see you, it is like seeing a beautiful stranger. What’s under that mask of yours? I know you must be tired and stressed from life, but every time you give compliment the songs I share with you? Every time you leave sticky notes on the fridge, appreciating the food I made for you? Every time you text me to be careful when I end a late-night shift?

I couldn’t stop myself from thinking if you’re just being nice. You must be. If you have feelings for me, why wouldn’t you just say it out loud? Gosh… I really hope I didn’t annoy you by offering stuff to you. I am afraid that things would go weird, but I also cannot help myself from imagining the “what-ifs”. Did I just fall for you? I don’t know, but it makes me blush and worry at the same time….

-

Gaeul eventually didn’t tell me the price for those drinks. I secretly slipped a $20 bill into the pocket of her jacket and just hope she’ll take it without a fuss. Maybe she’ll think she left it there. Maybe she’ll know it is from me. But either way, I don’t feel like I am ready for her to ask me why.

Nothing really happened, though. When I drag my tired body back to the apartment the next day, she is already out for her night shift. The jacket is still missing in action, maybe she sees it, maybe not. But I am glad that she didn’t send me a text message to ask.

It was the most I interacted with Gaeul for the week, I don’t know if she sees the bill and thinks I am “buying” her kindness. But I can clearly tell she backs up a little. Is that because she is just being a nice roommate, but I am paying back her kindness with money? Damn, that’s maybe a bit rude from my side.

Anyway, I didn’t let that distinguish my anticipation for one of the most important days of the year. 22 years ago, I was given birth to this world. Maybe I can finally be happy for once and get myself out of the swamp named school work and cafeteria job. I wake up, heart already pounding. Last year my parents gave me a decent chunk of money for birthday, even if they are mad at me, I can still at least have the ability to have a nice meal outside today. Hmmm… do I want to invite Gaeul? She is so nice of a person and the vibe had been a bit awkward since that Celsius incident – we barely talked! Maybe I should pay the bill, and let her off the burden for a bit as well.

I then rub my sleepy eyes with the back of my hand, and my arm reach the table for my phone. Screen unlocked. No notification? Ah, maybe I forgot to turn on Wi-Fi. Wait, I did. Is the router even working? Why am I not receiving any messages? I start to panic. I sprint outside to the living room bare footed, and I immediately check the router beneath the TV.

Three green lights, pulse steady.

I restart my phone, still dead silence. I turn off Wi-Fi and use my cellular data instead, still dead silence. I am in desperate. Maybe they’ll call me, they probably haven’t woken up yet. I try my best to calm down and brush my teeth. I splash cold water onto my face while telling myself that I am just overthinking. It is not possible for my parents to forget their only son’s birthday, right?

I open the fridge, that familiar blue container is there. “Don’t skip breakfast! (Smiley face)”. sticky note on breakfast as usual. Oh yeah, I never told Gaeul it is my birthday today. Maybe she’ll cook more food if she knew it, she is just such a nice roommate, and a very caring noona. I quickly get myself ready and just set up a voicemail message on my phone before turning it to silence.

“Hey mom and dad, I am happy to have you call me today, it means a lot to me. I am in class or working my cafeteria job that I just found earlier, I’ll call you back after I get home!”

The entire day during back-to-back lectures and the cafeteria shift that comes right after, I wasn’t focusing. How I wanted to get out of this place faster! Maybe by the time I retrieve my phone from the locker (yeah, no phones during work but I guess that’s fair), I’ll see my account doubling in balance that I can just call Gaeul out as well to a feast! Korean barbeque sounds like a nice idea.

Screen unlocked. One notification. I immediately click it with my trembling fingers, but what comes after just snaps the final string of calmness I have left.

“Your monthly auto-payment to Mr. Lee (Landlord) had been transferred, account new balance: $130.”      Oh yeah, what a coincidence! My birthday is on the same date as the due day for the rent. My decaying patience forces me to start looking at my family friends’ social media accounts, maybe I can find some clue.

“From Johnny (Cousin’s dad): Very nice family gathering! Had so much fun with everyone.”

Below the post is a single picture.

A single picture of my cousin’s family having dinner at my home. His parents sit across the table, with him sitting right between my father and my mother. On the chair that I always sat when I was back home. My parents smile so proudly when taking the picture, hands on his shoulder like he is their proud son.

They would be proud of me too if I made it into the Top 5 Med school of the country. They would be proud of me too if I found an internship in the freshmen year of my university in a big-name hospital. They would be proud of me too if I didn’t disobey their decision on my own life. But maybe it seems like I am more than being ignored and forgotten. It seems like I am replaced.

I cover my face with both of my hands, in the poorly lit and narrow employee’s locker room. I sob like how I once broke my father’s glass vase when I was a kid. This time though? I am really just on my own.

I stumble my way back to the apartment, and just collapse on the floor. I don’t bother turning on the light at all, letting the darkness claim me. I’ve lost track of time, but it seems like Gaeul already left for work – I really don’t want to let her see my mess. I don’t deserve her to be so kind to me. I keep my quiet sobbing, arms hugging my knees. At this point, the physical exhaustion from work is nothing compared to the feeling of getting abandoned by my own parents.

Click. Click. I hear the sound of key unlocking the door, ah, did I just cry for 6 hours already?

I indeed did not. And it is indeed Gaeul opening the door.

“Hey! You’re at home! Guess what! Power outrage at the pub and my shift is cancelled! Why didn’t you turn the lights on? That honestly scared me a little bit.” Gaeul pushes the door open with a warm giggle, and she sees me. “And you left your phone here on the….” She freezes mid-sentence. Picking up my phone and starts pacing towards me. Very slowly.

I finally turn my head towards her; my phone screen is on. Another notification that arrives “just in time.”

“Claim your $5 off for your birthday gift! We don’t forget you.” The Pizza delivery app says so.

The final string had snapped. I cannot hold it back anymore. I cry out loud – no longer just sobs, but with tears dropping down to the carpet like a pearl bracelet without its string. Gaeul doesn’t say anything, she lets her jacket sliding out her shoulders, backpack dropping onto the carpet.

“Hey… at least you could’ve told me,” She leans down and sits right next to me on the carpet, “I might’ve figured out what happened, but you know, you are never alone, right?”

“It…it never mattered anyway…my own parents abandoned me, and found a replacement on the day that they gave me birth 22 years ago” I cannot stop crying.

“It always mattered. Hey, listen…” Gaeul remains her presence in the dark with me, takes a deep breath. “You are home now. You are safe…”

“You chose to fight for the life you wanted, that is courage. You don’t live your life for other people, we are all independent human beings, not puppets. Right?” She continues. “I know it sucks to be alone, especially on a day like this…… But you can’t abandon yourself, and hey! At least I know it now… So happy birthday.”

Happy birthday. These two simple words are like a flood that destroys the final dam.

Gaeul reads me like a book. She doesn’t offer me fake empathy or care, instead she just… presents, and sees me through my mess.  She’s not running away and leaving all those craps on my own, she is staying. And honestly, it is more than enough.

“Hey Gaeul… just…. Thank you.” I wipe my tears with my palms, but I still can’t stop sobbing. “I don’t really know what to say, I just hope I didn’t ruin your night off.”

“Aw… please don’t say that. I see you as a very good friend and roommate of mine, and friends support each other, don’t they?” Gaeul offers me her hand, I hesitate for a bit but take it. She pulls me up to the couch and smiles, “How could it ruin my night? It is literally a birthday party ahead waiting for us to unwrap it.”

“You don’t need to smile, but if you need something to cry on? I’m staying here for a while.” Gaeul then sits on the couch right next to me, lending her shoulder for me to lean on as I continue sobbing. I again hesitate, not sure if I am crossing the boundary of roommates. But Gaeul just doesn’t wait. She pulls me close for a side hug; my head leans on her shoulder. I can smell the floral hint of her shampoo, and it starts to linger a bit too long in my nostril.

“Have you eaten? Wanna head out for some food? Or I’m down to cook you some ramen since I’m feeling generous today. Hehehe”

“I…”

“I know. Not feeling like eating out, I get it. Let me cook then~.”

“Gaeul?” I speak, before she stands up from the couch.

“Yes? I am listening.”

“You don’t have to cook; we can order pizza… don’t let that 5 bucks go to waste” I try my best to squeeze out a faint smile, “and can you please… stay for a bit? It…”

“It feels nice when you are not alone, I know. Take your time, I’m not going anymore.”

Her shoulder feels weirdly warm.

After whoever-knows how long, my stomach starts to protest as I spent too much energy crying. I eventually depart from Gaeul’s shoulder and order pizza on my phone.

“Ok, it seems like the boy who’s always smiling is back. I’ll make you some tea, you dehydrated hard after crying for, one hour?”

“Gaeul, thank you, really.” I feel like something very deep inside me had just snapped, but I can’t tell what it is.

“Not a big deal, remember, you’re not alone in this apartment~.” Gaeul walks to the lamp and turns it on, the dim orange light embracing her warm smile.

-

I already can’t remember the taste of the pizza last night, but rather the silent, awkward tension that starts to build. It’s weekend. How can I pretend nothing happened last night and say good morning to her while I cried on her shoulder like a baby for an entire hour last night? And yeah, I for sure caused troubled for her. It was supposed to be her night off from work, but I made it messy. I know she would do the same if it happens again, but I really don’t want to annoy her and overstep the boundaries.

“It’s only getting more awkward…” I sigh, pushing my bedroom door open and head towards the kitchen for breakfast. Very unfortunately timing, Gaeul is always there, brewing her coffee.

“Morning~” She smiles, not mentioning anything that happened last night.

Does that mean I caused trouble? Why is she not talking about the left-over pizza that’s right on the kitchen table?

“Good morning Gaeul, can I get my mug on the shelf really quick?” I respond, hands out for my mug. But I accidentally run into her, as she stood before the shelf and didn’t move.

“Oops, I am so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” She gives me an apologetic look, while handing me my mug herself. Her finger touches mine. We both freeze.

“You’re good.” Maybe I said it too fast.

---

“Why isn't he drinking the tea? Did he not like it, or was I being 'too much' again? He did compliment it last night over the pizza, but maybe he was just being polite. I stare at the coffee pot and force a smile, but my skin is still prickling. That touch—the one he probably didn't even mean? It’s making my face burn. Did I make it obvious?”

---

“Why do I feel like Gaeul’s fingers lingered a bit longer than usual? Am I overthinking, or does she feel the static too? Damn, I must be making it up. I probably pulled away too fast. Gaeul, I didn’t mean to make it awkward—I’m just terrified of doing the wrong thing. Am I too cold?”

---

The rest of the breakfast feels extra silent compared to usual. Gaeul, for some reason, just stares at her plate of pancakes and sips her coffee. I devour the microwaved left-over pizza in a haste as I just can’t stand the silence anymore.

“Thank you for your coffee as usual, I’ll talk to you later.” I dip back to my bedroom. For the entire afternoon, I try my hardest to focus and get some assignments done. But I realize Gaeul is replacing my knowledge with herself. Maybe, just maybe. I know I have a new love.

But would she feel the same? I doubt.

I encounter Gaeul again in the late afternoon when I get drink from the fridge. She is sitting on the couch, watching TV with popcorns stuffing her cheeks.

“Hey Gaeul, you look like a squirrel now~” I try to ease my nervousness as I walk by, only to let the familiar scent of her shampoo capture me.

“Hehehe…” She giggles, mumbled a few words but just gets muted by the popcorns in her mouth. Maybe something like “Getting a drink?”

---

“I feel my heart skips a beat as she smiles at me with those cute cheeks. Wait, did I just call Gaeul cute? I crack open a can of Celsius from the fridge, chugging it in one go to just try to distract my attention. I never knew her shampoo smells this good, not until, like last night.”

---

“Oh gosh… did he just call me a squirrel? I think squirrels are cute, did he imply I look cute with my cheek with popcorns? I must be overthinking again, maybe he just came out for drink. Hey, why is he chugging his drink while staring at me? Am I actually cute? I’d better stop looking at his direction, but my face must be beet red right now. That’s so lame…”

---

I intentionally walk around the couch that Gaeul is sitting on to avoid further eye contact with her. I take a quick glance at her; both cheeks are still full of popcorns. Squirrels are cute, Gaeul. I didn’t expect you to get what I wanted to say anyways. Damn, I hope I didn’t mess things up.

I hear footsteps towards the main door, and I peek through my window a minute later. Gaeul is out, confirmed. I come up with a plan. It seems just too embarrassing interacting with Gaeul at this point, maybe I do need to clam down for a few days. I think I’m gonna finish up the draft of my presentation and go to the library to print it out. Maybe I’ll just eat some fast food outside? Then I don’t have to sit at the same table with Gaeul and have my face red like a cherry. Perfect plan. I quickly gather up my attention and speedrun my presentation before heading towards my school library with my laptop.

---

Wait, I see him coming out of house, finally. It is three laps of walking around our community! I just need some air, it is so awkward~ Gosh, I knew he’s going to library to print stuff out. Hmm… is it even open? It’s Saturday today, hehehe…

---

Damn it, I only realize it is Saturday by the time I reach the closed door of the library. The presentation is on Monday morning! And I need the scripts to be printed out, maybe I should kindly ask Gaeul to borrow her printer? She seems to be printing her sheet music every now and then. Maybe it is also a way to go? Let me text her really quick.

“Hey Gaeul, may I please borrow your printer to print out some stuff I need for Monday morning? It is for a presentation and quite urgent ☹, I am at the library rn, only to realize it is closed.”

“Oh hey~, no problem at all! I went out to get some air; the weather is really nice today. My laptop is on the couch and it is not locked. Feel free!”

I then pace back to the apartment; it is still the same compared to when I left. Gaeul’s Popcorn bucket is still sitting on the couch, her laptop placed right next to the blanket that she used while watching TV not long ago. I intentionally sit on the exact spot that she was, trying to acquire a bit of more of her lingering warmth and shampoo scent from the couch cover.

Her laptop is still warm, I put it on my thigh, plugging in my USB-drive and carefully presses the spacebar once to wake it up. It is just business, let me get this done.

I am expecting a blank browser page, maybe the main desktop with a cute background – Gaeul is always so bright. But what I see is not what I should see. It is a Word document, looking like the draft for her new song lyrics by the formatting. I know it is just business; I am not supposed to look at her personal stuff. Gaeul trusted me enough to leave her laptop unlocked (although I’ve seen the laptop sitting on the couch for weeks, I never knew it was not locked. LOL. I didn’t mean to be creepy), so I have no reason to violate her trust, especially when it is in an awkward situation like this.

I swear I’ll just look at what’s already there. Nothing more. I look at the very top of the document, it is titled “My Jamais Vu.” The black cursor is blinking right at the end of the first stanza, like it is luring me in to discover Gaeul’s mind. OK, I’ll only read what’s on the screen.

I don't see a song. I see a mess. There are words crossed out so hard the digital cursor seems to ache. "Twenty dollars" is underlined twice, right next to the word "transaction." The image of Gaeul’s silhouette starts to unwrap in my chaotic brain. To her, I wasn’t trying to be fair and friendly by paying back the drinks she bought for me, but trying to put a price tag on the kindness and care she gave me. It starts to sting.

Beneath that, a lopsided phrase about "kettle steam" and "waiting for a door to click." My heart does a slow, painful roll in my chest. She wasn't just being nice. She was counting the seconds I spent hiding from her. Every time I thought I was being "careful" or "discrete" this week, Gaeul was right there, documenting the distance.

Then, at the very bottom, a single, un-edited line that makes the room feel ten degrees colder:

"You are my most familiar stranger...My Jamais Vu, I’m relearning your name at every sunrise."

She isn't just my roommate anymore. She’s someone who has to actively pretend she doesn't know the exact sound of my breathing through a wall just to keep our lives from collapsing.

Click. The door swings open. It sounds like a summer storm outside, Gaeul is basically dashing through the door. Her hair is damped from the rain outside, but she still giggles quietly. “Hey, it’s raining really hard outside… are you printing your stuff? Oh…shoot…...” She sees the laptop sideways, and it is obviously on that Words document that she forgot to close when she left.

The final barrier between me and Gaeul is disappearing. The maze of uncertainty, the fear of being too much—the walls we both built are finally starting to crumble.

“I… I was trying to print, I promise I didn’t mean to...” I should be happy, but instead, I’m just overloaded.

“It’s fine. How much did you read?” Gaeul squeezes a faint smile, shivers slightly from the weather, a few drops of rain on her pink hair falls to the carpet.

I stutter, but for the first time in weeks, I recognize a closing window. This is my only chance. I stand up, leaving the laptop—and her secrets—on the couch. “I read enough to know I was an idiot for that twenty-dollar bill. Enough to realize I left you alone every time you were waiting for me at breakfast. I just... I didn’t dare.”

“Didn’t dare to have breakfast with me?” Gaeul’s voice is small. “Did I make you feel overwhelmed?”

“No, absolutely not! Please don’t think that, Gaeul. Every time we ate together, it was the highlight of my day. Your music, your stories about the pub shifts... it was perfect. I was just afraid that I was the one getting too close. I didn't want to ruin the only good thing I had.”

Gaeul sits down to the couch right next to me, the fresh scent of grass and rain mixes with her floral shampoo. We both are visibly flushed, the air between us is heavy, with all the secrets we were hiding from each other.

“So… can I assume that you wanted to get close?” Gaeul covers her mouth, her tone remarkably calm compared to the hammering in my chest.

“I didn’t know, to be honest,” I admit, my hands starting to tremble. “Not until I read those lines. I was too afraid to mess things up. I never thought I deserved someone so caring, so warm...” I stop, reaching for a dry towel from the kitchen island and offering it to her like a peace offering. “And someone so beautiful.”

“Oh my gosh… stop. You’re going to give me a heart attack,” Gaeul whispers, her face as red as the kimchi soup she makes for me. She takes the towel with shaking hands. “Do you know how much I worried about being ‘too much’? I never wanted my care to become your burden. Every time I saw you chugging that Celsius just to avoid looking at me... I thought I’d failed.” She reaches into her jacket hanging by the door and pulls out the crumpled twenty-dollar bill. “I knew I’d screwed up when I found this. It was never supposed to be a transaction.”

“No… it was on me Gaeul. My life is already a mess… I cannot afford to lose one more precious roommate like you, but do you know what?”

“Y-yes?” Gaeul buries her face in the towel, refusing to meet my eyes. Her blush has spread all the way to the tips of her ears.

“I want to be more than a roommate to you, Gaeul.”

Silence.

The silence that follows is heavy, broken only by the rain against the glass. Then, a few quiet sobs. The sound of Gaeul crying starts to drown out the summer storm outside. She pulls her face from the towel, her eyes bright and shimmering.

She looks at me, face off the towel. “ME TOO! Do you know how long did I wait for you to say this to me? *sobs* I was writing this song because I was so afraid that I would make things weird if I confess first. *sobs* Then I wrote this song, about how badly I wanted you, but equally frightened to lose it all. *sobs* I… I don’t want you to see me as a kind noona who makes tea, I… want to be the one that brings you happiness to your world…”

“You had always been, Gaeul.” I feel the need to capture this moment, so I pull her close to me for a firm hug. Her chests against mine, still moves up and down from the sobbing. I brush and caress her hair that is damped from the rain, the other hand gently padding her back. “I… I am really an odd one, aren’t I? I should’ve confessed earlier.”

A light giggle escapes her throat, as she pulls back from my hug and the familiar smile is back to her face – this time with a slight hint of mischief. She cups my face with her small hands, fingers trembling. “Ahem… I think we should kinda make this afternoon memorable, shall we?”

I don’t wait for another word, but I rather crash my lips into hers. The kiss is not cinematic and messy, but rather a firm statement. A moment for two hopeless romantics to let go off their guards and truly see each other through their disguise – their disguise forced by mess in life. Our kiss lingers like the static electricity before a lightning strike—sharp, sudden, and grounding. When we finally pull apart, the apartment feels different.

Gaeul is still flushed, her small hands resting on my chest, feeling the frantic rhythm of my heart that hasn't quite slowed down yet. She looks down at the laptop, then back at me, a shy smile tugging at her lips. "So," she whispers, her voice still a little thick from crying. "Does this mean I have to rewrite the bridge? The part about the 'familiar stranger' doesn't really fit anymore."

I can't help it; a genuine laugh breaks through the lingering tension in my throat. I reach out, tucking a damp strand of pink hair behind her ear. "I think you should keep it. As a reminder of how much of a coward I was. Besides... I like the melody."

“Hey, don’t be fake! You haven’t even heard the melody.” She protests.

“But I know it is going to be good,” I reach for her face again, “because you wrote it.”

“Gosh… never knew you are a romantic like this…” Gaeul fakes a sigh, before pressing her lips back on mine once more. We carefully savor each other, as the masquerade comes to an end. I don’t know how long had passed, but the heavy rain outside is quieting down.

“Gaeul, can you hum me the melody for the song then? I’m curious.” We finally break apart from each other, Gaeul reaches for the towel to dry her hair.

“Imagine a song that’s like… I will wear a veil while singing it. A bit of mystery, a bit of whispering, a bit of melancholy vibes. And yeah, think about when I sing the chorus, I added wind sound and a lot of harmonics. Trust, it is gonna be a hit~” Gaeul’s grin is wide and proud, as a musician should be to her work.

“We’ll see, alright Gaeul… I guess we should get some food, shouldn’t we? I’ll cook.”

“Better be good,” she teases, leaning against the armrest. "I have very high standards for my 'more-than-a-roommate'."

“Already? I thought we are just getting started.” I joke, leaning back in to kiss her temple.

Gaeul stands up to join me, grabbing my wrist from behind. The laptop sits forgotten on the couch, the screen finally timed out into blackness. The document is saved. The song is finished. And as I reach for the rice cooker, I realize that for the first time in months, I’m not worried about the Monday morning presentation or the mess of my life, the mess of my family.

I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

“But Gaeul, my life is like a mess right now. I’ll really try my best, but don’t blame me if I mess stuff up, ok?”

“Hey, who says my life isn’t? Isn’t that why we need boyfriends and girlfriends? Motivate each other, make each other’s live better, blah blah blah…”

“Yea, let’s make something out of nothing…”

Gaeul nods, “Let’s make something super beautiful.”

“You should add that line to your song; it is a nice one.”

“I definitely should,”

-

Somehow, despite this strange man you’ve never met before snaking his hands through your shirt, all you can think about is what you’re going to say to her. Will a simple “hello” suffice? Should you open with an old inside joke? A cliche “long time, no see”? Will she even remember you after all these years?

“Dude,” the strange man mutters, his deadpan eyes staring at you but not quite looking at you.

“O-oh, sorry. Were you saying something?” you ask nervously.

“I need you to speak into the mic to check if it’s working properly,” he says, pointing at the collar of your shirt.

You peer down and notice a black fuzzy ball sticking out from your collar. If he hadn’t pointed it out to you beforehand, you would have definitely jumped and made yourself look like an even bigger fool than you probably already do. “R-right. Uh, hello? One, two, three, testing?”

He looks back at a man some distance away, fiddling with knobs on a small black box as he listens to your audio through his chunky headphones. A tense moment passes before he flashes a thumbs up in your direction.

“All right, you’re all good,” he utters before walking off without another word, leaving you completely stranded amidst this flurry of chaos. Screaming children running around, the distant rumble of roller coasters, a food stand selling trendy overpriced products every two steps—normal things you would see at an amusement park. What’s not normal is the couple dozen people around you handling all kinds of expensive-looking camera and audio equipment. If you had to bet, the fuzzy little ball clipped to your collar probably costs more than your rent.

You had no idea what you were getting into when you first signed up for that fan event. Winning a chance to film a variety show with a member of IVE seemed too good to be true, but after you found out that you would be filming it with her, entering the event was a no-brainer. By some stroke of luck, you’re now here in the middle of an amusement park, all but abandoned while jolly children’s songs and the incessant beeping of walkie-talkies makes it difficult to hear yourself think.

“Hey you!” A booming voice somehow cuts through all the noise, and you suddenly find yourself face to face with another man you’ve never met before. Unlike everyone else, however, he seems much more relaxed, even happy to be here. Despite his bulging muscles barely contained in his Hawaiian shirt, his steps are lightweight and peppy compared to the scrambling of footsteps of his subordinates, and the wrinkles outlining his wide smile are a testament to his years of experience in… whatever it is that he does.

You let out a sigh of relief as his demeanor puts you at ease in an instant. “Hello, sir,” you greet him.

He forcefully takes your hand into a firm handshake, almost jerking your arm out of its socket. “I’m Mr. Park, I’m the production director of today’s shoot!” he says, his voice loud and boisterous. “You must be our star for today!”

“I-I wouldn’t say that,” you mutter bashfully.

“Nonsense!” he guffaws. “I just wanna give you a quick little rundown of what we’re gonna be filming today. Basically, you’re just gonna go around the amusement park, hang out and talk with the idol, maybe even flirt a bit, y’know, play it up for the cameras.” Mr. Park punctuates his explanation with a hearty chuckle and a friendly elbow to your rib. What a guy.

“Uh, yeah, sure, I can do that—”

Suddenly, he pulls you close, donning a deathly serious expression that sends a chill down your spine. “If you do anything to ruin today’s shoot, I have a six foot hole in the middle of the woods with your name on it, if you catch my drift.”

Before you even have time to process what he said, Mr. Park walks off like nothing happened, his pearly whites gleaming as if he didn’t just threaten to end you moments before. You figured there would be some oddballs in this industry, but you didn’t expect it to be this insane. If things are like this after barely an hour here, you can only imagine what her daily life is like.

“There she is!” You hear Mr. Park’s voice in the distance as a group of burly men all clad in black approaches the set. Judging by their appearance, you can tell that they’re bodyguards, which means the person their protecting is—

“Hello, Mr. Park! It’s nice to see you again!” The two bodyguards at the front part, giving way for Gaeul to walk through and shake hands with Mr. Park. Your breath catches in your throat at the mere sight of her and all the greetings you’ve rehearsed in your head all morning flutter away like butterflies.

You suddenly feel like a little kid again, waiting at her front door so the two of you can go look for frogs or build a castle out of anything you could find in the forest near your houses. Before she was Gaeul, one of the stars of IVE and adored by billions of people around the world, she was simply Gaeul, your best friend that was never afraid to get her hands dirty for the sake of adventure. She was the girl that made your world feel a little less lonely.

And yet, despite her being right in front of you for the first time in years, the distance between you has never felt so far.

As Gaeul and Mr. Park approaches you, you inhale a shaky breath, trying your best to calm your nerves.

“...and this gentleman over here,” Mr. Park explains as he gestures towards you, “is the lucky fan who you’ll be spending the day with!”

You catch her eyes, and for a moment, everything around you seems to vanish. You know deep in your gut that it’s her, but she looks so… beautiful. Instead of the oversized hand-me-downs from her brother, she’s wearing clothes that actually fit her properly—a flower top, a pink cardigan, and a frilly black skirt that shows off her legs in a way that baggy cargo shorts never could. Her hair and makeup is perfectly and meticulously done up, you would mistake her for a doll if you walked by her too fast. Every trace of the Gaeul you once knew is gone—except for her eyes and the way they still light up when they meet yours.

“H-hi,” you stutter, extending a trembling hand towards her. “It’s, uh, nice to meet you.”

She pauses, glancing down at your hand before looking back up at your eyes. A smile creeps up on her glossy lips, and then the scent of strawberry shampoo assaults your senses in the most pleasant way possible as she wraps her arms around your neck in a warm embrace.

“It’s nice to see you again, small fry,” she says softly.

In a past life, you would’ve been annoyed by that silly little nickname—it’s not your fault that your growth spurt hit you later than hers did—but hearing it after so long fills you with an immense amount of happiness that you can’t quite describe. She still remembers you.

“Ehem,” Mr. Park clears his throat, reminding you of the involuntary audience witnessing your reunion. With heat racing towards your cheeks, you reluctantly free Gaeul from your arms. “Do, uh, do you two know each other?”

“He was my best friend back in middle school before I became a trainee,” she explains, beaming. ”We were inseparable back then.”

Mr. Park approaches you, his expression growing dark just like it did before. “Kid…” he mumbles, his voice low. Suddenly, he grabs onto your shoulder with a vice-like grip and lifts you off the ground until your legs are dangling helplessly in the air.

“U-uh, Mr. Park? W-what are you—”

“You. Are. A. Godsend!” he exclaims, now back to his cheery self. “This’ll be great for ratings! I can see the headlines now: ‘IVE Gaeul’s unlikely reunion with an old friend!’ If I wasn’t happily married to my wife of seven years, I would kiss you right now!” Finally, he drops you back on your feet and hurriedly struts away, yelling at the staff members. “Let’s get this show on the road, folks! Time is money and I don’t wanna lose a single penny!”

Gaeul pats your shoulder, not even trying to stifle a laugh at your bewildered expression. “Are you alright? Mr. Park has a few screws loose, but I promise you he’s nice.”

Her touch immediately puts you at ease as you let out a chuckle of your own. “Well, my dignity is at an all time low, but what’s new?”

If you had to embarrass yourself in front of a member of IVE, at least it’s the one that’s already seen you at your absolute worst. Like no time has passed at all, the two of you slip back into comfortable patterns of banter. There’s so much you want to tell her. Milestones she missed, horrific first dates, and a plethora of other Gaeul-less memories that you know she’ll tease you for.

“I still can’t believe it’s you, small fry,” she says. “You look great.”

“I’m not sure if you can call me that anymore,” you playfully shoot back. Getting your growth spurt before she went off to be an idol would’ve saved you a childhood of torment by her hand, but hey, better late than never.

“Oh whatever, I’ll call you whatever I damn want to.”

With a smirk, she walks off as Mr. Park calls on the two of you to get ready for filming. You always imagined your reunion to be a little more peaceful, maybe on a random chilly evening at a coffee shop, but the specifics don’t matter to you. What matters is that Gaeul is finally here, right in front of you.

You can finally do what you failed to do back in middle school.

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You’re wise enough to know that not everything you see on these kinds of shows is real, but you never realized just how scripted it all is. From the activities you do to the things you say, you feel more like a robot following commands than a regular person spending the day at an amusement park. Gaeul takes everything in stride, seemingly used to this kind of environment, but not having the freedom to properly speak to Gaeul leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

“Listen up, you two!” Mr. Park calls out from behind the camera. “You’re gonna look through the gift shop, try some things on, give a few compliments, big reactions y’know, really play it up for the camera and whatnot. Oh, and Gaeul?”

“Yes?” She tilts her head.

“Keep calling him that little nickname, uh ‘teeny fry’ or whatever it is.”

She cracks a little smirk in your direction. “Sure thing, Mr. Park.”

You sigh, masking your dismay with a neutral expression. “Why are we going to the gift shop first? Isn’t this what people do last?” you ask Gaeul.

She responds with a simple shrug. “I’ve learned not to question things and just go with the flow.”

“Huh?” You dramatically gasp in faux shock. “Are you sure you’re the Gaeul I know? Because I’m pretty sure I remember you annoying the substitute teacher with questions about frogs until they stormed out in the middle of class.”

“That’s different!” she exclaims. “Besides, that was so long ago, I’m basically a different person now.”

“Yeah, I noticed. You actually dress like a girl now.”

“Oh my god, don’t even remind me!” Her cheeks turn a cherry red as memories of her tragic middle school fashion choices come back to haunt her. “It’s a miracle that I even got casted in the first place looking like that.”

You let out a laugh. “You look good now though. Seriously.”

“Just good?” Gaeul says, offended. She steps back and gives you a little twirl, showcasing her entire outfit in all its glory. “Last time you saw me, I was wearing my brother’s old cargo shorts, and you’re telling me that I only look good?!”

“I-I didn’t— I mean…” There’s so many things you want to say, words and phrases rehearsed over years of imagining what your reunion would be like. Finally, you have the opportunity to say it out loud to her face. So just say it.

“Y-you look bea—”

“ALRIGHT, PLACES EVERYBODY!!!’ Mr. Park shouts. Before you can finish your thought, Gaeul hurries to her spot where the director told the two of you to start. You shake your head, coming to your senses and following her to your spot. Not great timing, but there will be other chances later.

Once the cameras start rolling, the two of you enter the gift shop, looking around at all the overpriced products the shop has to offer. T-shirts, headbands, hats, mini figurines of the amusement park’s mascot, just about anything a child could want and a parent would dread to buy. Like Mr. Park instructed, you do your best to give off big reactions, but frankly, this place is the least exciting part about going to an amusement park. Gaeul, on the other hand, plays it off like a true professional.

“Wow, look at this place!” she exclaims, her voice an octave higher than her regular speaking voice. “Oh my gosh, everything is so cute!”

“Y-yeah, wow! So cute!” you awkwardly parrot. Thankfully, the cameras are mainly following Gaeul, so your poor attempts at acting go unnoticed by the crew.

Gaeul takes one of the shirts off the hangers and puts it to your chest. “What do you think about this shirt, small fry? I’ll buy it for you if you want!” she says, punctuating her statement with a wink.

You chuckle in an attempt to hide the heat creeping up your face. “I’d rather launch myself into the sun than wear that ugly shirt,” you quip.

“CUT!” Mr. Park barks. “Hey kid, the park is allowing us to film here for a discounted fee, so maybe don’t talk bad about their merchandise.”

“A-ah… Right, sorry…”

Gaeul stifles a chuckle, putting the shirt back on the hanger. “It’s okay, they can just edit that part out,” she says in an attempt to console you. Unlike seconds before, her voice is back down to her usual tone.

“Uh, why are you doing that thing with your voice?” you ask.

“What thing?” She stares at you with a curious expression, one that holds not even a hint of joking.

“Uh… Nevermind.” Like she said, learn not to question things.

“Alright, let’s try this again, without the sass this time,” Mr. Park says, gesturing specifically to you. “Action!”

In an instant, Gaeul springs back into her idol persona, cheerfully skipping through each aisle and pointing out every little thing. “I wish I could buy everything in the store!”

“You probably could with your net worth,” you instinctively joke. Remembering what happened before, your eyes peer carefully towards Mr. Park, who thankfully smirks at your little jest. Relieved, you decide to do what he said before and try some “flirting”.

You grab a frog headband from one of the shelves and hand it to Gaeul. “Why don’t you try this on? I think it would look cute on you.” Something about talking to her this way leaves an odd, warm feeling in your stomach. Not bad, per se, but different.

She takes the headband from you and tries it on. “What do you think, small fry?” she asks, posing more for the cameras than for you. “Am I stealing your heart with this look? 

A rush of heat floods your head at her idol fan service. It’s not the first time you’ve seen her do this kind of thing, but there’s a huge difference in seeing it through a screen and seeing it in person, directed right at you. You thought you would cringe or laugh, but you’re not even sure how to react anymore with the pounding of your heart in your ears.

“U-uh, sure, yeah, whatever…” you mutter. You expected a witty comeback from her, poking fun at your barely coherent mumblings, but instead, you feel Gaeul’s arm link with yours as she pulls you towards one of the mirrors hanging on the walls. In all the confusion, she somehow managed to put a dog headband on your head.

“Ah, we look so cute!” she exclaims, her high-pitched voice ringing in your ears. 

You stare back at the reflection, forgetting all about the cameras as you take in every single detail. Gaeul linking her arms with yours, smiling at you with that silly little frog headband on. It’s almost as if you’re looking into a portal to an alternate universe where Gaeul never moved away. Where the two of you ended up as a… couple.

That warm feeling fills your stomach at the thought—but this time, it’s mixed with guilt. Gaeul never accomplished her dreams in that universe, and for what? Sure, you get more time with her and grow up alongside her, but she doesn’t become that big star that she always dreamed about being. There’s no point in clinging onto “what if’s”. Life played out like this and now you have to accept it.

“Hey.” Gaeul nudges your side, her voice back down to its usual octave. Her eyes gaze at you with worry. “You alright? Mr. Park yelled ‘cut’ a minute ago.”

You shake your head, ridding yourself of stray thoughts. “Y-yeah, I’m fine,” you reassure her. “Being in front of cameras has got me a little nervous, I guess.”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re doing great. Nice job playing it up for the cameras,” she compliments before walking off to the next filming location.

Yeah… Just for the cameras…

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The ferris wheel stands high and mighty, casting long shadows on the park grounds. It is the quintessential amusement park ride that everyone loves, including you. Stuck in a small, cramped box high in the sky, with a perfect view of the setting sun, it’s all so… romantic.

Scratch that thought from your mind. You’re not here for any ulterior motives other than filming this show and catching up with an old friend. That’s it. Nothing else. 

“So, obviously we can’t fit an entire camera crew in one of those boxes, so we went ahead and fitted it with some cameras and mics to properly capture everything,” Mr. Park explains to you and Gaeul. “Just do what I said—act natural, big reactions—and everything should be smooth sailing from here.” Sounds contradictory, but you’re not about to talk back to a guy that threatened to bury you deep in the woods.

After he finishes explaining, the ride attendant helps you and Gaeul into the ride, and you begin your ascent into the sky. It feels like cruel irony, finally getting the chance to spend alone time with Gaeul, but not actually getting to spend alone time with her.

With a sigh, you muster up the biggest fake smile you can and start to act. “Wow, ferris wheels are so fun, I can’t wait to—”

“You can drop the act now,” Gaeul chuckles.

Your head tilts in curiosity. “What do you mean? Didn’t Mr. Park say that—”

“I convinced some of the crew to turn off the cameras this time around,” she explains. “We’ll have to ride again and play up the reactions, but for this time at least, we can just talk.”

You let out a sigh of relief and slump back into your seat. Finally. “Thank God for your influence, I don’t know if I could keep up the acting.” She smiles, mimicking your movements and lazing against the seat across from you. “Yeah, that’s probably one of the things I like least about this job.”

“Man, it must be tiring putting on a mask every single day for the cameras.”

She shrugs. “It could be worse. At least I get to do this with you, small fry.” Gaeul flashes a bright smile at you, and unlike the smile she dons while the cameras are rolling, you can feel the genuine warmth travel from across the booth. “So, have you been after all this time? I’m sure you have a bunch of stories from the years we’ve been apart.”

“So many,” you reply. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“How about high school? I never got to properly experience it for myself, y’know.”

“Right, wow, okay.” You sit up, barely able to contain your excitement at the chance to properly talk about things with her. “So, freshman year, I—”

“Is that the first one?”

“Yeah, it’s the first one,” you answer, chuckling at her curious expression. “So, freshman year, it’s a new school, whole bunch of new people, and obviously you weren’t around anymore, so I decided to join a school club.”

“Wow, really? You were basically attached to my hip all throughout middle school, I never thought you’d actually go out of your way to join a club,” she teases. “What club was it?”

“It was, uh…” You clear your throat, suddenly feeling very embarrassed under her gaze. “...the esports club.” You brace yourself for the incoming barrage of mockery and laughter, but instead, you’re met with Gaeul’s eyes brightening with awe.

“That makes so much sense, you always were good at video games!” she compliments. “How was it, were you any good?”

With your ego now inflated, you smirk and cross your arms. “Not to brag, but I did carry my team to 2nd place of the state championships,” you boast.

“Hey, that’s amazing!”

You can hear it in her voice, plain as day, that there’s not a hint of sarcasm or malice behind her words—she’s genuinely impressed by your silly little esports accolades. Being part of that club did little to boost your popularity and only served to make you the target of some bullying, but it was also some of your most cherished memories from high school. When you felt lost navigating that new environment without Gaeul, that club was the only thing keeping you together.

“Oh, I have to ask—what were school dances like?” Gaeul inquires, a glint of curiosity in her eyes.

You let out a heavy sigh as you think about all the bad experiences at each school dance. If the esports club was the highest high of your high school days, then school dances were your lowest lows.

“They were… not great. For me, at least. I was probably an outlier for that kind of thing,” you mutter, sinking back into your seat as the weight of those awful experiences pulls you down.

“Oh… sorry,” Gaeul says, your gaze drifting to the side. “Why, did you have a bad date or something?”

“I had no date, Gaeul. I was in the esports club,” you clarify. “Besides, I never bothered trying to ask out a girl during high school anyways.”

“Why not? You’re a nice guy, I’m sure any girl would’ve been lucky to go out with you!” she exclaims.

You chuckle. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but there wasn’t really anyone I wanted to ask to a school dance.”

“Really? Not a single person you had a crush on?” She leans into you with curiosity, not realizing the proximity of your faces. You can see every single detail of the visage that you grew up with, analyzing how much has changed and yet still stayed the same. Those big, round eyes that light up when you mention frogs or crack a clever joke. The puff of her cheeks every time  she tries—and fails—to hold in a laugh. The curve of her pretty lips whenever she calls you “small fry”. Remnants of your childhood together, still visible on the face you haven’t stopped thinking about ever since she left.

You lean back in your seat, the lack of space becoming too overwhelming. “I-I, um…”

“Aha! You did have a crush on someone!” she shouts excitedly. “Who was it? You better tell me their name, or else!”

“U-uh, h-her name? Um… Uh… A-autumn,” you sputter out nervously, too frazzled to think straight. Great job, you idiot. ‘Autumn”? Now she’s gonna know that you have a crush on—

“What a pretty name! Was she cute?”

“Huh?” Dumbfounded, you decide to take it and roll with it. “Uh, I mean, yeah, she was cute.”

“What was she like?”

“She was…” You pause, collecting your thoughts. The ferris wheel nears its peak as rays of sunset peek through the window, lighting up your carriage with an evening glow. “She was unimaginably amazing. She was strong and confident and determined and never let anyone’s words affect her. Whatever she wanted to accomplish, she could do it and make it look easy. She was also incredibly kind and hilarious and curious about the world around her, always asking questions with this admirable crave for more knowledge. And she was…”

At last, your carriage is lifted to the highest point of the ferris wheel. Like a spotlight, the setting sun projects the last of its light onto Gaeul’s face, illuminating her like the star that she was born to be. Mother nature paints her with the most beautiful shades of golden brown, casting an aura that only you get the luxury of seeing.

“...she’s beautiful.”

“Wow,” Gaeul breathes. The light from the sunset fades as it falls behind the horizon, yet Gaeul continues to glow with an aura that only you can see. “You must have really liked her, huh?”

“Y-yeah, I did…” you utter softly. “...but it was never gonna work out. She had big things planned, and I was always too nervous to ask her out anyways, so… it’s whatever.”

“That sucks.” She leans her head against the window and takes a deep breath. The excitement she held in her expression earlier disappears, revealing something more real, more vulnerable. “I’m actually kinda jealous of you, y’know.”

“Really? Why?”

She sighs. “I never got to experience any of that for myself—clubs, dances, crushes… all of it. Once I became a trainee, every single day was dedicated to training, with barely any time for fun or enjoyment or a social life. Some days, we’d barely even have time to eat or sleep.”

You always saw Gaeul as this bright ball of energy, even when she was on your screen as IVE’s Gaeul. To see her like this is something else entirely.

“When things were the hardest, I’d think about you,” she says, a melancholic grin growing on her lips. “I’d think about all the fun adventures we had and imagine all the new adventures we could’ve had. I wondered what you were doing, if you were even thinking about me…”

Every single day.

“I’d pray that when I wake up the next morning, I would be back in my old bedroom and you would be waiting outside my door like you always did, and then we’d run off to the forest and do whatever we wanted. No expectations, no late nights, just pure freedom.”

The urge to comfort her makes your heart ache. You want to hold her in your arms and tell her what you really feel. Tell her that the day she left was the day that your entire world came crashing down. Tell her to take your hand and run away with you, live the life that you’ve been dreaming of since you were kids. Tell her how much she means to you and that you never want to be away from her again.

But you don’t. You bite your tongue, suppressing all the feelings threatening to bubble up. She worked hard to get where she is, pouring blood, sweat, and tears into the dream she’s been talking about since the two of you were kids. You’re not going to ruin that for her just for your own selfish reasons.

“On the bright side, look where you are now!” you say in an attempt to cheer her up. “World famous Kpop star, loved by billions all over the world. A-and I turned out okay too, so, y’know… Everything is good.” Despite your attempt to sound cheerful, the weight of your true feelings seeps into your words. The carriage fills with a heavy tension that hangs in the air.

“Yeah,” she mutters, her gaze falling to the darkening scenery outside. “Everything is just… great.”

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚✩࿐

“ALRIGHT PEOPLE, LAST SCENE OF THE DAY! AFTER THE TEST RUN, WE ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE, SO LET’S MAKE IT COUNT!” Mr. Park yells, his voice the epicenter of all the commotion.

After a couple more hours of rides and other attractions, it was time to finish filming the final part of the episode, the fireworks show. For the most part, the last couple hours of filming went smoothly, aside from the fact that Gaeul wouldn’t talk to you when the cameras weren’t rolling. The shift from her idol persona back to her regular self was eerie enough already, but seeing all that faux joy disappear the second Mr. Park yelled “cut” filled you with an all-new kind of dread. Is this it? Are you just going to finish filming and leave things like this, without knowing if you’ll ever get the chance to see her again?

You spot her in the distance, getting her makeup touched up by her makeup artist. The sea of frantic staff members never seems to end, but you push through anyway, determined to patch things up before the night ends.

“Gaeul!” you call out to her. “Can we ta—”

Her brick wall of a bodyguard stops you in your tracks with a firm grip on your shoulder.

“Ms. Gaeul would like to be left alone.”

“I just need to—Ah!” His grip tightens on your shoulder until you feel like it’s about to be ripped from its socket.

“I said, she wants to be left alone.”

You huff in frustration. “Look man, my best friend in the whole entire world is upset with me right now and I need to fix this, so would you please cut me some slack and let me talk to her for five fucking minutes!?” Despite the pain in your shoulder becoming borderline unbearable, you muster up the most threatening look you can. Thankfully, his grip on you loosens and your arm somehow doesn’t pop off from your body. Did he actually get scared by the look you gave him?

“It’s okay, Mr. Kim,” Gaeul says, walking out from behind him. Go figure. “I got it.”

Her bodyguard backs off, giving the two of you some space to talk. “Thanks, I was worried Mr. Park would have to CGI me a new arm,” you joke, trying to ease the tension. Gaeul’s lips curl slightly into a grin as she shakes her head at your dumb joke. It’s not much, but it’s progress. “Can we talk—”

“Follow me.” She walks off without another word, away from the filming location. Not wanting to get on her bad side again, you follow her in silence.

Gaeul leads you through the bustling crowds, down a narrow, unlit pathway tucked between two food stalls. The sounds of the park grow fainter with each step until all you can hear is your own breathing and the echo of your footsteps. As long as you’re able to clear the air with her, it doesn’t matter where she takes you. You’d gladly walk all the way to the ends of the Earth if it means you won’t part on bad terms.

Finally, Gaeul stops at a small, secluded lookout point. A sturdy railing, its paint chipped from years of wear and tear, stretches across the edge of the platform, offering a view of the whole amusement park below.

“Back when we were trainees, the company let us visit this exact amusement park as a reward for doing well on a monthly evaluation,” Gaeul explains, leaning against the railing. “We ended up finding this quiet little area. It gives the best view of the fireworks show.”

You take your spot next to her and look out at the park below. Multicolored lights dance freely in the night sky to the unpredictable tune of the park goers’ joyous screams. You can’t help but grin at the thought of a younger Gaeul being able to relive a piece of her childhood that she missed out on.

“It must have been a lot of fun,” you say.

“I wouldn’t really know.”

“Hm? What do you mean?” 

A pensive escapes her lips into the open air. “I mean, it was fun, but… I just couldn’t stop looking for your face in every person we passed by.”

“Oh.”

“While the others were watching the fireworks, I was looking down at the crowd, hoping that I could see you again.”

“I-I, uh… I’m sorry, Gaeul—”

She lets out a hollow snicker, the sound barely carrying any amusement—just exhaustion. “What do you have to be sorry for? I should be the one apologizing. Back in the ferris wheel, when you said that ‘everything is good’, I just… I don’t know, I just broke down. Hearing you say that made me feel like you… forgot about me.”

“Hey,” you utter gently, placing your hand on her shoulder. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been; you’re my best friend, Gaeul. I would never forget about you. Not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about you.”

She turns to you, a cute pout on her lips and her eyes glistening with tears. “Really?”

“Of course, dummy,” you chuckle. “And it’s kinda hard to forget you when I see you literally everywhere.”

Gaeul rests her head on your shoulder, her chest rising and falling with gentle laughter. “I’m sorry for being an idiot and ignoring you all day, small fry.”

Tentatively, you wrap your arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. “It’s okay. I’m just glad I was able to talk to you before the day ended.” You feel her snuggle into your side, the warmth from her body a thousand times better than you could ever imagine it. The pounding of your heart echoes in your ears, screaming at you to say something.

You gulp in an attempt to quell your nerves. “A-actually, I’ve also, uh, been an idiot today. There’s something I need to tell you that I should’ve told you earlier.”

She shifts to look up at you, her eyes beaming like stars in the night sky. “What is it?”

“I-I, um… Gaeul, I—”

A ball of fire shoots upwards into the sky and bursts into a sparkling flurry of bright red. More follow soon after, whizzing past and painting the indigo sky with an array of colors. Gaeul excitedly climbs up the railing to get a better view, her expression filling up with a joy more genuine than any reaction she showed in front of the cameras. 

Your heart aches as you look up at her—you love her. You love her so much that you want to scream it from the top of your lungs until your voice grows hoarse. Today could be the last time you ever see her. You need to tell her. Forget about all the consequences and just say it.

Gaeul turns to look down at you, a smirk playing on her lips. “This angle seems a bit familiar, don’t you think?” she teases, ruffling your hair. The chilly night air enters your lungs. Every color of the rainbow reflects against her perfect skin. All caution is thrown to the wind.

You push yourself onto your tippy toes and press your lips against hers.

The kiss couldn’t have been more than a second, just a mere peck, but the feeling still lingers on your lips like electricity. A long moment passes with nothing but the crackling of fireworks filling the space between you. The overwhelming heat against your cheeks makes it nearly impossible to make out her reaction. Is she disgusted? Upset? Angry?

Yet, all of your worries melt away as Gaeul falls into your arms, capturing your lips in hers once again. Years of pining and waiting, watching her fancams until the ungodly hours of the night, showing support for her in any way you can without ever knowing if she’ll notice your efforts, all of it culminates into that sweet, tender kiss. Tomorrow brings a plethora of unknown challenges, but all that matters is right now, in each other’s arms where you’ve been dying to be.

You break the kiss for a moment, a truth you’ve been waiting to release resting on your tongue. “Gaeul, I love you—”

“I know,” she interrupts, her voice light and airy. “I love you too, small fry. So, so, so much.”

Your lips break into a smile so wide your cheeks start to ache. “Not that I’m complaining, but how did you know—”

“Autumn? Really?” she teases, her hands cupping your cheek. “You might as well have confessed to me in that ferris wheel.”

You sink your face into her touch, treasuring every second of warmth. “I wish I did. Maybe then we would’ve had more time to be like this before we have to say goodbye.”

“I’m never, ever leaving your side again, you hear me? The company will just have to deal with it.”

Strings of broken melodies played the piano when you cried, a symphony unfinished and cacophonous sounds ensued.

You bawled when that day came and you wanted to forget it, absolutely. Yet, simply, you just can't forget her like she never existed because you loved her so much that you gave your world to her but in the end, she annihilated yours and your heart…

Broken pieces and a scar left to you is all you had now and it still hurts to think about her. Your mind is clouded with her and her only and it hurts that you can't bring the past back.

It hurts to think about it…

It hurts.

No one can probably mend you—make you smile genuinely like she did, make you laugh like she did—no one can.

You wanted to move on, but the venom stays throughout your soul and you'd be damned to even think of getting it out—letting everything out because you still want her—

“Is everything alright, sir?”

A voice echoes around your ear, the soft tone lingers around you as you are woken up onto the reality of life that you wanted to end.

“You're like bawling your eyes out for like an hour now—”

“Isn't it obvious?” your tone harsh and laced with venom as maybe, the obliviousness of the girl is not your type of tolerating it. If you can't even tolerate the burning sensation of the alcohol scarring your throat then what more about the petite girl beside you?

“I'm s-sorry, sir. I'm just a little bit concerned about you—”

The girl's eyes glistens with fear as your tone does scares her, but she want answers and she's willing to do whatever it takes to make you comfortable in the best way possible—

“Hey, why don't you just give me a favor, hm?”

She leans her head down slowly, her senses perceived as she tries to hear the coarse, broken tone of your voice. “Okay, s-sir…”

“Why don't you just moved back and leave me the fuck alone, do you understand? Because I have no time for your reassuring bullshit—or just whatever you want to do, okay?”

The girl just nods and faces back away from you, doing what you've said. You didn't feel bad for her as you didn't care about anything and everything in this world, now.

It sucks to be heartbroken—at your lowest point with no one to lean on.

And maybe, someday, you'll regret the reckless and selfish disposition you've introduced to that girl—but who cares, anyway?

This is just a tough night to fight with, and it's not easy as the demons inside your head lures you into the abyss of unwanted vices.

------------

Drink. Gulp. Exhale. And it repeats, constantly.

You weren't like this but you'll do everything just to forget everything that scarred you even if it means for you to risk your life. You can't bother to think of anything other than uttering her name and the broken sounds of discomfort as tears run down your cheek slowly.

Drink more and drink another—the burning sensation down your throat makes you groan yet the sweetness of the liquid possibly contradicts the pain you’re feeling. It probably scars down your throat, at least not adding more to your broken heart.

The remnants of the broken melodies of her voice still lingers around your ear, hearing her voice and it hurts you even more. You slam down your curled fists—the strength not enough to cause a dent nor hurt you—onto the wooden table as you let out hints of contained anger and frustration from the earlier quarrel. You even wanna drink more to give yourself to the neverending wormhole of nothingness—bending the laws of nature just to get out of the agony you’re feeling right now—yet it’s not worth it to spend couple of bucks just for another bottle of alcohol that won’t even make you let her go.

It is not worth it; you should just go home.

It’s definitely not.

You then place the glass down and course your way out of the bar, just wanting to go home and commit into a deep slumber for your body to take a rest from this strenuous day.

Drowsiness controls over your enervated body and so is the dizziness affecting the way you act. You’ll go home no matter what happens and it starts with just a single flick of the key, starting the engine of you car then closing your door—

An arm stops you from that latter advance, making you furrow your eyebrows in disbelief before looking at the petite figure that’s been stopping you from closing your car’s door.

“Don’t sir, you’re drunk. You shouldn’t drive—”

You recognized her face with just a flash of your eyes towards her. You may be tipsy and heartbroken, but you’re not stupid nor easy to be manipulated as annoyance changes your demeanor.

“You again? Gosh—what do you want from me? Why do you even fucking care—”

“Please sir—” the petite, black-haired girl stops you from closing the door as she further extends her arm, leaving you immediately furious from her attempts. “—it's not worth it and you’re drunk. Please just call an Uber or something—”

“Let. go. of. it. Now. I swear to god—just leave me alone!”

The girl is stubborn as you ever expected and you hate it. You just wanna push her off in order for everything not to be halted but she's practically a stranger to you—you never wanna cause a fight of hurt with people you don't know, especially with a girl this beautiful and modest—

“No, sir. You may even get to an accident if you—”

“Just stop—” With no other choice, you flick your finger hard onto her arm, hurting her as she lets go, the pain making her rub all over the red spot in order to ease the pain. You immediately closed the door as soon as she freed herself from the imaginary restraints. You drove off hurriedly yet carefully, leaving the girl stranded on the parking lot as you can see her wince in pain as she caresses her arm to ease the burning sensation—she probably even glared at you because of what you've done but you didn't care because you just want to go home.

This is probably risky considering how you're feeling afloat because of the alcohol but that didn't stop you from your advances of getting home and thankfully, your apartment isn't that far enough and you can drive safely and carefully without wasting so much time. 

Thank god it was just like a fifteen-minute drive and thanks to little-to-no traffic, you got home faster than you expected—probably even safer, considering that if your body became so depleted that you slept and crashed onto something or someone. It is not a great sight to see as you could just imagine how your day will be worse if that did happen.

Thankfully, it didn't and you came home safe and sound.

But yet there’s no other sound that can’t be heard other than your silent cries of need—in need, of her.

You loved her so much that you almost gave up everything just for her.

You loved her so much that she's been your entire world and you’re almost into nothingness without her.

Speak of the devil, you’ve foreshadowed yourself into diving down onto the dark path of oblivion. Some may point out the obsessive form of love you have with her (in which, probably, you have) but the truth is, she made you better. Better in a sense that you became a better person today than what you are from the past and you absolutely thank her for that.

She made you the man that you are today, building up the foundations that made you stronger and such willpower that can reach even the farthest mountains yet it all went downhill, a landslide rupturing and annihilating the foundation that has been built slowly throughout the years now that she's out of your life.

You hated that you loved her, now you do.

She's your core memory you wanted to forget but you simply can't—because she's more than special.

It cuts like a knife seeing her go but there's nothing you can do to get her back.

“Why did she do that to me?” you muttered to yourself again, questioning the reality of a sin she's done that was impossible at first but now, was more than close on being possible.

While you bawl your eyes out, bottling out the deeply-contained emotions that has been kept inside you, you reach on your brown leather jacket, wanting to get your phone yet something caught your eye immediately—a note latched by a transparent adhesive onto your jacket that says: “김가을(Kim Ga-eul)” and then, possibly her number below it.

You already assumed it's that annoying girl that owes you everything and you just want to brush off that fact but you can't. Wanting to throw away the not-so-important note, you reflected on yourself and thought that she just wants to help you genuinely after all but why you and how did she know you’re going through something? If it's the others, they won’t bother talking to you nor do anything to mess with you—if you look like you always want to start up a fight, who will bother?

You know something is up with her and your gut is telling you so. Not to mention how comfortable she looks talking with you despite the possible fear evident on her countenance—it feels like she knew you a long time ago which is peculiar, to say the least.

You gotta know her more and her small actions of concern and uncanny relation to something you can't fathom just piqued your interest towards knowing her more.

*phone buzzes*

“Come on, come on—pick up….”

Every second brings a faster beating of your heart as it races intrepidity and anticipation. You became sober as the alcohol didn't have any effects on you anymore and the longing emotions of desolation makes you invulnerable for the liquid to take over you.

Clearing your mind, you now feel regret for being too harsh with the girl you’ve dealt with earlier—which is probably the person named “Kim Ga-eul”. You never wanted to act rude on the first place, yet there are two things that caused that sudden vexation within your demeanor: firstly, the passive-aggressive approach towards strangers as you need to be cautious whenever someone approaches you because you may get in danger and lastly, and probably the best reason of your demeanor, is because of you being not in the mood for everything because of a heartbreak.

There’s still heart in you even if you’re totally broken and lost and you need to apologize to her—that’s your current goal to do as you can’t scar yourself with another grudge that will make you guilty until the end of times.

“Come on—”

“Hello? Who is this?”

Her voice and its tone—it’s definitely the girl you’ve been looking for and a sigh of relief escaped your breath as she answered the phone.

“Hello—look, I know I’m too rude earlier and I’m sorry for that. I shouldn’t really—”

*phone beeps*

The line disconnects and you’ve never felt so gloomy and disappointed with yourself (possibly a metaphor since you’re already feeling down and worthless). You could’ve done better but you let out the rage inside you and you hate it. Now you feel guilty of what you’ve done to her and possibly may scar her since she may not trust any strangers from now on because of what you’ve done.

No, you’re going to apologize to her no matter what—you’ll mend the broken link that she made with you, even though it’s fragile at the moment but her giving your number and her name says something that she’s probably interested in you.

She’s maybe interested in helping you too…

A girl like her can probably combat the depression you’re feeling as of now—she may also mend what’s broken on you and possibly, fix you.

Sighing in defeat, you gave up on calling to her as she possibly ignores the past three calls you’ve made because of fear yet you’re not giving up just like that. Leaving a text to possibly reassure her, you faintly smile as the girl that you fought with earlier is now clouding your mind, even though you met her in a not-so-special way—possibly, a regrettable day for the both of you yet a memorable one. 

Your enervated body can’t keep up to open your eyes or move a muscle as you fall and give in to your drowsiness, slowly closing your eyes and getting yourself into a deep slumber.

----------------

Sets of multiple chirps from the birds outside your apartment woke you up as it's loud enough to be your makeshift alarm clock yet those are way more peaceful than the ones you're used to. You slowly open your eyes only to see the dishevelment of everything around you—the sofa pillows dispersed around the vicinity of your couch, the crumpled tissues and cans around the coffee table, your jacket on the floor as it was probably made as a makeshift blanket in the earlier hours of your sleep.

You regain energy for a couple of seconds and rise up from the couch, reaching for your phone after as you're anticipating to read the possible reply of the girl you've made contact with and to your surprise (not really), she didn't reply.

Yet. Yet.

Well, there's still a chance of a reply later or the next day—all you know is that she'll respond to your possibly desperate attempts of assurance towards her and that you'll never give up until you get that desired choice of words from hers, even if it only flashed within those blue pixels on your phone.

You sigh heavily thinking that it's maybe over yet the optimistic side of you says that yes, she'll reply anytime. 

She inevitably will and that's the thought buried inside your mind.

Yawning as the post-sleep drowsiness is still all over you, you power yourself through rejuvenating and stretching your muscles and arms. Not so long after, you clean up everything that's a mess and prepare yourself to make a simple breakfast consisting of scrambled eggs with spring onions, some toasted eggs with butter and lastly, some freshly-brewed coffee with a hint of sugar as the cherry on top.

Munching onto the egg-filled bun, you scroll your fingertips down to your phone and just within a minute of surfing through social media, a familiar name with a message pops up as a notification and it makes your heart skip a beat from the utmost anticipation.

김가을 (Kim Gaeul) on 7:48 - “Sorry for bothering you too…”

Five words yet thousands of emotions can be felt coursing through your veins as you feel butterflies after reading such a short message. It's a relief knowing that the girl is not utterly scared for her life because of you but you're still feeling skeptical considering what you've done wrong to her as a first, not-so-accidental approach.

You'll do everything to further reassure her as you don't want to scar yourself  into thinking that she'll hold that grudge until her hair grows white so with an immediate action, you text her if she's down to meet you up on the same bar the both of you first met up. Of course, the adrenaline and the tension of your knees can't bear to be hidden in every word you type. You really wanted to apologize to her badly and to clear your name towards her yet a reflection hit you—what if she takes this negatively? Like, she might feel uncomfortable meeting up with you after what happened yesterday?

Sudden reflections with a hint of doubt hit you as your approach throughout the situation might be eccentric to nature yet it’s a gamble—a risk worth more than playing a deck of cards; a risk worth remembering or worth forgetting.

It's not like you're going to lose anything if the two of you didn't end on good terms with each other—the both of you are just strangers after all with a relationship fragile than a fiber of hair; a bond more shallow than an acquaintance.

It's not like that easy to let her go despite the situations said above because there's something within that made you captivated with her charms and the uncanny thought of her possibly knowing you before. 

You swear to god you haven't met her once in your life yet, but… is it not the same boat on her side?

It may or may not, you don't care because at the end of the day, you'll aim to figure this out with her and possibly, be friends with her.

You swear to god you won't love anyone again other than her but she may break the short-living curse you swore until your deathbed. 

If you can just send more pleas close to a hundred towards her even through text you absolutely would yet it's a hyperbolic exaggeration. But like, applying more bandages onto the wound won't help it heal faster, so, you just waited for her reply hoping that she's down and to your surprise, she agreed to meet up with you.

You smiled like an idiot, full of delight yet not that bright. You hurriedly prepared yourself to look as presentable as possible—decently dressed and neat and not looking like a lowlife in distress.

Locking the doors and securing everything on leaving with necessities, you hop onto your car right away and go straight to the bar the both of you first met.

Hopefully, this ends well on a good note…

-----------------------

Tapping and fidgeting your fingers onto the wooden surface of the table, you sigh slowly full of nervousness and utter excitement as every second counting feels heavy. Time ticks as you wait for the beautiful girl to meet you and as soon as you saw her walking her way towards the glass door, time felt eerie and slow—not frightening but more likely uncannily strange—as her modest walk sends you heart beating triple times, her inching closer towards the table you're in. You fix your posture and your demeanor, hoping to have a better “first” approach than what you showed her yesterday which is clearly embarrassing and unacceptable, to say the least.

You then opted to take the chair out as a gentlemanly move but she insisted, saying that it's just alright if you don't do it and she's not used to boys acting like a gentleman. You just nod but she still thanked you for your sweet, little actions. Despite the awkward moment, you take a look at her flawless features sculpted perfectly by the gods themselves—probably an angel in disguise, distinctable right from her beautiful, brown eyes up to her porcelain skin—god, she’s drop-dead glamorous.

“Hello…”

A faint voice escapes your lips, your tone softer than a feather as she responds with a bow and greeting you softly too. The awkward silence was broken with a single word uttered from the girl’s lips, smiling faintly as she felt charmed with your looks.

“Hi…”

You smile from her response as you make eye contact with her, in a sense of total seriousness and aim to let her forgive your reckless actions yesterday.

“Uhm, I’m really sorry about yesterday. I was just like, not in the mood for anything.”

“I’m also sorry too—”

“No, no—” you interrupt her unnecessary apologies towards you as you wanted to tell her that it’s all your fault and not hers.

It wasn’t, but with a pure heart like her, she still found a way to apologize to you which made your heart flutter yet it also makes her vulnerable for deception. Acceptance is a must, but you don’t find any way that she should accept the fact that it’s her fault, so you reassure her thoroughly and let her feel comfortable with you.

“—I’m clearly on the wrong side here. I shouldn’t really act like that towards strangers and also, I appreciate your concerns towards me but—” her eyes glistens with anticipation, ready to discern everything that’ll escape from your lips—

“—it’s not really none of your business but, yeah. I dearly appreciate your concern towards me yesterday. I was just too lost and controlled by my own emotions…” you bow down your head in dismay as you remember the moments of quarrel between her and you again—where everything went downhill and possibly, the lowest point of your life.

“Hey, hey, it’s going to be alright. I just tend to have the urge of helping people when they feel lost or in need of guidance or something—like, I can sense it…”

She’s so pure and innocent—she’s like the closest epitome of a saint. You can’t look her in the eyes anymore but she does, and she looks intently at you; her eyes gleaming in awe and anticipation.

“It’s going to be alright, trust me…”

You smile faintly at her. It's purely genuine this time as her reassurance heals you slowly, mending your broken heart.

“Thank you, genuinely.”

“N-no problem—by the way, can I know your name? I—uhm, just felt weird that we instantly talked to each other without me knowing y-your name…”

You huffed as you got shy from her sudden actions as you softly replied to her, your tone still audible in a way yet soothing and deep.

“Uhm—my name is Wooseol and you’re… Gaeul, I suppose??”

“Y-yes, my name’s Gaeul. Kim Gaeul and I suppose you already knew my name because of t-the note?”

 You scoff as your hand sheepishly scratched the back of your neck, feeling shy towards her. “Y-yeah… I also just assumed it was your name because you were the last person I talked with and the note wasn’t there on my jacket before I met you.”

“But you could never assume that always, right?” Gaeul giggles as she teases you with no harmful intentions, making you sheepishly laugh at her mischievous remarks.

“Yeah—but is it really your name? Gaeul?”

“Yeah, *giggles* I was just teasing you…”

Both of you smiled at each other as you felt comfortable talking with her, her playful and clever attitude checking the boxes of your ideal type. As much as it hurts to let her go and your unconditional love still shouting out her name, Gaeul is probably the one that’s destined for you and the kind of girl that is loyal and will love you passionately like how you loved her.

Maybe it’s just because Gaeul has been clouding your mind since yesterday and your emotions are taking over you, again—who knows?

You still don’t want to take things way too fast with her and you need a moderate pace for upping the relationship with her but establishing a good bond with her will be a great move, so, you asked her something and this time, you felt more confident than the earlier timid approach.

“Gaeul, m-may I ask you something?”

Her eyebrow furrowed, her gaze fixated onto yours, leaving you breathless before responding a simple, “Yes?”

This is your chance now so go and take it.

“Can we b-be friends? At least… *scoffs*”

God, it’s so awkward and all of a sudden—you muttered to yourself as you feel off while saying that but nonetheless, Gaeul blushed and took it as a nice initiative from you. She didn’t hesitate to nod immediately, signaling that you can be friends with her. This feels like you’re going to your old high school days, asking someone to be friends with them and it’s like rolling a dice because you’ll never expect if they will say a rejuvenating “yes” or a heart-breaking “no”.

But it doesn’t matter. Knowing that everything’s fine with Gaeul makes this day a lot better, making you feel delighted than ever and possibly, healing the wound she caused on your heart.

It seemed strange how everything unfolded and the sudden acceptance of apologies, but it's just going to get better from now on and everything's holding you back to where you were—a strong man being healed by an angel. 

“Also, may I ask one thing with you, Gaeul?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Are you younger than me or not? Because I was born in 2002 and I was thinking that it’s a bit disrespectful not calling you with honorifics—”

Her eyes lit like flames, full of desire as she’s shocked that she’s the same age as you. 

“Woah—no, it’s alright Wooseol-ie… I’m born in the same year too! You don’t need to address me as a noona *giggles*.”

You lightly giggle at her response, also shocked by the fact that she was born at the same year as you and you didn’t expect that. You continued talking with her and actually got to know each other’s personalities more. That doesn’t come with a bit of bickering and small laughs which is the cherry on top of every fun and engaging conversation. Not so long after, she asked for your number and unhesitantly, you typed your number on her contact and it comes with a bright smile of hers that captivates you more, falling onto her spell slowly.

---------------------------

Boisterous laughs full of joy and stupid memories, teak-jerking moments from the past that were poignant to feel inside and a lot more was shared with the beautiful girl beside you as the hours went by. It felt like you’ve started all over again as the undying feeling of ecstasy fueled you into a good mood today and of course, the feeling of love coursing to your veins can be felt again. You don’t want to rush things with her, like engaging in another relationship or something crazier than that but you can’t help yourself to feel that way. Who are you to blame if an angelic, heaven-sent girl came down and be friends with you? You’re absolutely not to be blamed here.

Well, even with the inevitable happiness you’ve felt with her earlier, there’s still a feeling of guilt and sadness that’s corrupting your heart slowly, breaking it into pieces. Why so? Because you still love her.

They may say that you must move on as the past is already buried in the past, but you want to write your own, brilliant future with her but you need to do what you must do. The pain is agonizing to deal with, but you’ll believe in saying that whenever there’s pain in your life and you’ve endured, you’ll be rewarded with a good cause and really hope that it’ll be true.

Let those pessimistic thoughts fade away as you’re only investing your interest towards Kim Gaeul only and only her.

It’s getting dark and the sun will set soon as the orange skies can be seen onto the horizon, another day ending yet there’s nothing near an end when you’re still with Gaeul.

Probably, the two of you may consider this a date on how much you’ve bonded over the hours. This may feel surreal and out of the blue yet you won’t complain as everything feels enchanted and you want that feeling.

“Want me to order another drink, Seol-ie?”

“Oh, no, I’m already good, Gaeul. Thanks though…”

The both of you wander over the horizon under the pine tree, taking a gulp on the sweet beverage you both love. It doesn’t come with a deep sigh in every gulp and your eyes wandering down to her angelic features. The both of you still converse with each other, sharing and reminiscing the core memories from the past and how you’re grateful and regretful having to experience those. 

The both of you became so comfortable with each other that you began to empathize with her and that never felt this good. 

Sure, it really boosts up your mood and morale within the given time as you feel open to someone you're comfortable with but talking with Gaeul feels way different. Maybe it's just a certain feeling of affection and love towards her and your biased thoughts yet who are you to blame?

“Thank you for these things, Seol-ie… I never shared this much with someone and I—felt s-so—I don't really know how to describe it—”

“I can't describe it either and I also feel the same way, Gaeul… I s-still can't believe all of these happened just within a single day…”

It does feel too fast yet you won't complain any further because at the other boat, Gaeul's enamored countenance possibly comes to a conclusion that she liked talking with you.

“This feels unreal, yeah—I feel that way too and I—uhm—s-sorry for being like this Seol-ie. It's just been awhile since I talked to someone like this…”

Gaeul faces you and you face her, making eye contact as you can see flames of passion igniting beneath those lovely, brown eyes of hers. You smiled at her and reassured her to not apologize since this is completely normal to feel because you feel the same way too.

Butterflies on your stomach—that's the best description of what the both of you are feeling right now! Yes, yes it is.

“It's alright. It's normal to feel butterflies in these situations.”

You put down your drink at the wooden seat of the bench as you gently course your hand to brush against hers, feeling her soft, porcelain skin touch yours is genuinely captivating.

“I also want to thank you for listening to me. It was hard breaking up with her but like, I had to do it. Thank you for that, Gaeul.”

You faintly smile as the coarseness of your voice becomes evident once you mention her. 

Gaeul knows deep down your heart that you still love her—she can see it in your eyes; how your pupils dilated and widen every time you mention alongside a hint of tear running down your cheek, in which, to her response, wipes it down with her finger.

“Hey, hey, it probably hurts but, I guess we should take our time to move on and accept it. It's probably letting her go but if you knew it was the best for you, then you made the right choice.”

Gaeul inches closer to you and smiles at you, her reassurance definitely healing the wound that’s been scarring you for the past week.You then thanked her with all your heart because of her listening to you and being understanding to the current situation you’re in. 

You never thought how pure and down to earth Gaeul is and that’s the beauty of it. Hearing her deep, soothing voice while talking just puts you in tranquil, in a state where everything just feels right and peaceful with her and you love it.

You probably fell into her spell now—falling in love with her and just her only.

“Thank you for the kind words, Gaeul. I—really owe you because of this—”

“No, it’s really fine, Seol-ie! I’m just like—you know, giving you advice for the better you to possibly come back.”

And she’s just making you fall in love with her even more and there’s the venom that you’re going to take. A venom because of the fact that you still love her but Gaeul’s just captivating your heart even more at this moment, and you would like to up the ante.

“Uhm, Gaeul, may I ask you something?”

“Uhm, sure!”

You sigh, regaining the confidence and the will to say this to her as you anticipate something that will make you smile in delight or will break your heart.

“I really, really appreciate everything you’ve said and I just wanna really say that I really like you, Gaeul.”

A momentary pause breaks the noise and the tension between the both of you, your eyes anticipating a response for her and Gaeul herself a bit shocked yet flustered with your sudden confession.

“You know, Wooseol—I really like you too and it’s genuine but…”

“But?”

She sighs as she gains the courage but a sudden realization hit her, responding to you with an amicable tone and brushing off the intrusive thought she has in mind.

Or is it…

“—N-nothing, really. It’s just—I’m a bit shocked I guess, you know? Not really used to this feeling…”

“It’s fine, Gaeul. I really liked you from the beginning but I was just scared of being rejected because of what I did yesterday and honestly, you’re perfect.”

The word resonates around her ears as it felt enchanting to hear the seven-letter word to be directed to her. She hides her face in embarrassment because of your heartfelt compliment towards her as you giggled softly because of her adorable, little actions.

“Yah~ Seol-ie. D-don’t make me blush like that—”

You then catch her gaze again, your eyes fixated on looking at her only as you let your thoughts win and confessed everything to her.

You’re so mad in love with her right now and you’ll let her know that.

“But I’m for real, Gaeul! You’re beautiful, down-to-earth—you’re perfect to my eyes. I feel so assured and I feel loved because of you, Gaeul—I love you…”

Cupping her cheek with your palm and inching closer to her, she was flummoxed with the sudden action of yours but doesn’t complain as she’s feeling the same towards you—the feelings are mutual and there’s no one that’ll stop the both of you from letting everything out.

Gently and slowly, you caress her cheeks and let everything out—

“I l-love you too, Seol-ie—you probably don’t k-know this but—”

As soon as you heard the word, it triggered something in you resulting in a deep, captivating kiss onto her lips. She reciprocated slowly as you felt the love and the sweet taste of the flesh brushing off against hers. She tastes incredible as the strawberry lipstick makes you feel insatiable towards her, kissing her passionately. You immediately pulled out as you felt guilty for being too rushed onto an anticipating climax. The both of you exchanged breaths as the short, enthralling session made the both of you feel butterflies into your stomachs (of course, it’s figurative).

“W-woah… Getting too excited, Seol-ie?” she giggled as punches your chest lightly, in a state of shock and awe as your actions definitely moved a muscle on her hibernating heart—a beast being woken up from its long slumber.

“Sorry about t-that, Gaeul—I c-can’t help it—you made me feel this way. I’m sorry about t-that…”

“There’s no need to—the f-feelings are mutual.”

You flash another smile to her, letting her know how much you love the feeling of insatiability towards her as you anticipate more or none.

“Wooseol…”

“Yes, Gaeul? Is there anything wro—”

She shushes you with a single finger brushing onto your lip as she adorably captivates you, “There’s nothing wrong, Seol-ie. I just w-want you—now, please…”

She wants you for now? What does that even mean—oh…

Yes, and you knew what she’s feeling right now—the absolute need for you and to feel your love.

“Gaeul—” you inch away from her a little bit as you ask her if she’s serious about it and there’s no games being played. “—what do you mean by this? Are you in need of—”

“Just you, Seol-ie—just you, please.”

It’s the glint on her eyes, tears being held back from the emotions she’s about to unshackle—the uncontained feeling of need, unable to be restrained anymore with just a hair’s width of chains holding it together. She demands you and it’s evident on her eyes and her hands naturally—and possibly involuntarily—caressing your thigh for further encouragement.

You know that this is not the place to take action upon her request and needs, so, you had a better plan in store for the both of you that she’ll surely love.

“Let’s just take this on to my place, shall we? Because I don’t want people to see us like this in public.”

She knows you have a point and she doesn’t want to get caught up and get embarrassed so she eagerly nods as the both of you stood up on the bench while the both of you were sitting and got your unfinished drinks. 

The eyes—specifically her eyes seeking venture towards the promised land. She is brave; she is brilliant; she is her. You knew how adventurous she can be as she shared how bold and vocal she is whenever she wanted to do something but this was probably over her bucket list of wants. 

The both of you then went to your car, readying yourselves to go onto your place and you can’t wait how everything will unfold once this day closes its own chapter.

----------------------------

Traveling down the breeze of the wind is sure enthralling and the both never felt so comfortable to be in touch with nature’s finest. There were little to no cars to be seen on the streets as probably, the roads are busier onto the other side of the metropolis and that’s the wonder—you went back home safely and faster than expected as traffic was non-existent. The lack of possibly heavy traffic during these busy hours is surprising yet you’re not complaining.

“Aaaand we’re here in my humble home!” your cheerful tone rejuvenates the earlier silent aura around the apartment as she was in awe of how good your apartment looks, almost so cozy to live in and probably, her ideal place to rest with.

“Woah… Your a-apartment looks really nice, Seol-ie. It’s like—it probably feels cozy to live here!”

You sheepishly laugh as you scratch your head, feeling flustered about the compliment she said on how tidy and invigorating the cleanliness of your apartment is. You’re also just a big fan of cleaning stuff and organizing things and it’s just wholesome seeing someone appreciating your aspects—possibly your personality too.

“This is just something simple—nothing really much, heh—”

“Oh come on, Wooseol—your place looks really good and neat but other than that—”

You definitely know where this will go yet you still want to have her own ways and not yours. As much as she wants to appreciate everything, she can’t let her needs unattended as you pin her slowly onto the couch, letting herself rest on it as your face is now just centimeters close to her, almost kissing her in the process.

“Why is Gaeul getting proactive? Really want me, hm?”

“Stop—but I do, I really do want you even b—” she paused for a moment as you were caught off-guard, stopping yourself from your playful antics with her.

“What, Gaeul?”

“N-nothing, Seol-ie—I just become nervous about these kinds of things…”

You cup her cheek as you look her in the eyes, assuring her that everything will be fine and she just needs to be confident with herself. You can see the passion burning behind those glowing orbs of hers and the feeling is really mutual between the both of you. After a smile enunciating the final signal, you let yourself fall onto her spell as you latch your lips onto her slowly, her immediately reciprocating on the kiss that was so torrid since the start and you absolutely love it.

The clashing of both the velvety-red flesh never stopped but intensified as every second fades, the dueling between the both of you let each other know how much you want each other. 

The unstoppable force meets the immovable object and both are really the great epitome of that paradox—but there's no such paradox if everything is evidently true and the lust between each kiss explains everything well.

“God—Gaeul—you're such a talented kisser."

“No, you are, Seol-ie—mmph!”

You continue barraging her lips with your own delightful act, each kiss dominating her as she moans softly while eagerly reciprocating. Her hands then roam around your neck, your abs and your chest, caressing the clothed skin softly as she feels the tension between the both of you.

“Gosh, you're so insatiable, Gaeul.”

You kiss her again, and again, yet this time, there's more burning passion and assertive dominance as you add a little bit of tongue for spiciness.

And to no surprise, she reciprocates on your lustful actions by doing the same, both of your tongues dancing and battling for dominance and neither can win nor lose.

She let herself be free and so did both of your saliva seeping out of your mouth, the vehemence on each torrid, lustful kiss sendong serotonin down your veins. 

After a hot minute of kissing, you pulled out of her seemingly tight suction of her lips as she whined a little alongside her moans, wanting to feel more yet oxygen is to blame here.

“T-too g-good, Seol-ie—that w-was great—ohh…”

“You k-kiss me so well too, Gaeul. Have y-you done this b-before?”

Almost getting in a state of trance, you invigorate yourself by distracting your eyes onto her immaculate features and your hands haphazardly caressing and roaming down her waist. She subtly moans as she tries to think of an articulate answer but really can't.

 “M-maybe just once, Seol-ie. It's also a g-good experience but yours is b-better—you're a better kisser than h-him…”

You're perplexed that she already had a good experience with this kind of scenario yet you didn't mind that—it's maybe written the stars on how talented she is and that's the beauty of her.

Despite the little talk, you still want her and to feel her, just like how she wants you. With that in mind and being the gentleman that you are, you ask her permission for something you want to do, anticipating for a “yes” escaping her luscious lips.

“May I, Gaeul?” 

Brushing off the little hair that's been covering the pristine skin of her neck, you wanted to latch onto those soft flesh but you waited for her permission. Of course, knowing how much she wanted you, she never hesitated to nod as she knew exactly what you wanted to do with her.

She unbuttons the two buttons on her oversized long sleeves, making you peek onto her sharp hint of collarbones and the porcelain skin if her neck as you gently meet your lips onto the musky scent of her flesh, suckling on it as she moans full or fervor yet it's still soft.

You pepper her skin full of kisses as her moans just reverberate around your ear, making you up the ante the intensity of your kisses. You don't want to mark her but probably you will considering how much the suction is being felt between both worlds yet she doesn't complain but rather helps you out—herself positioning comfortably for you and guiding your left hand onto her waist to further feel her affection.

“Gosh—m-more please, Seol-ie—ahh, right there!”

Latching onto her collarbones now, she feels the kryptonite running down her veins as she succumbs onto submission, fully submitting herself onto the sea of kisses that you initiated and her drowning herself into her absolute desires.

“Please, Seol-ie—I can't t-take it anymore—I want to do something m-more than this…”

“But I'm still not done kissing you, baby.”

God—the pet name—she did not see that coming.

It doesn't matter because deep down, she likes it and you can see it in her eyes—her eyes don't lie.

“But please—”

You stop peppering her as she whines almost inaudibly onto your ear, Gaeul feeling the soft flesh detach onto her neck. At this moment, she’s nigh-insatiable as you couldn’t contain anything that you’ve been unshackling since the day you met her. This escalated quickly but you didn’t care anymore—you just want her and her only and that is what matters.

“What do you exactly want from me, hm? Enlighten me, Kim Gaeul…”

You smirk as you mock her, making her squirm quietly as she can’t help but feel the absolute delight of her whole life because of you. The sudden foreplay is working, you can’t just be damned to do that forever as your animalistic urges take over you yet still control it as you don’t want to get harsh on Gaeul.

A sudden ring on her phone distracts you but her hands directed your chin, making you look at only her and nothing else.

“Eyes here, Seol-ie—please—”

“Don’t you want to answer that? That’s probably important, no? Or I’ll just go and check it—”

“No!” Gaeul yelps as she grabs your wrists, pleading and insisting you to not further check it because it’s nothing important. She then grabs her phone and puts it on “silent” so the both of you won’t be further distracted. 

“It’s just one of my friends calling. I’ll call them later whenever we’re done—so, please, just—”

You inch closer and closer to her again, until your faces are just a hand’s width away from each other.

“Tell me, Gaeul—what do you exactly want?”

“Y-you—to feel you, Seol-ie.”

You course a hand onto the waist then onto her hips, caressing it slowly as she moans because of your sudden actions.

“Be exact, Gaeul. Enlighten me more and let it all out. After all—” you inch your lips near her ear, the hot breath tingles her as you whisper, “—it’s just the both of us here.”

You now face her with a smirk that further lures her into her own profanities. You know where this is going but you wait for her to be addressed first before yours because she’s all that matters today.

“I w-want y-you to—f-fuck me, Seol-ie… I want t-to experience that—I want y-your cock to—gahh-ahh!”

You brush your fingers slowly onto the clothed crotch, making her squirm and her legs tremble in delight. She’s getting bolder and daring as she addresses her lustful profanities to you, and it’s only a matter of time for those earlier wishes to be fulfilled.

“Tell me more, Gaeul. More of it—”

And there she goes, succumbing to the sea of lust and letting everything out.

“W-want your cock to plunge d-deep into my tight, little p-pussy—gahh—a-and f-fuck me hard and f-fast—ga-ahh!”

She can’t articulately think of words to describe what she needs as you quicken up the pace of your teasing onto her clothed crotch. You can feel the inevitable wetness being released from her reservoir as the teasing and the overgoing feeling of serotonin making her brain go haywire.

“Tell me more, Gaeul—you’re almost there.”

“W-ant y-you to fuck m-me fast and h-hard until I s-scream in p-pleasure and c-cum all over yo-your cock—g-ahh—and I—fuck!”

“That’s enough, baby.” you stop teasing her as she falls onto the couch, comfortable and relaxed yet uneasy as her thighs are still quivering because of the sudden cause of pleasure.

“I think we should go to my bedroom, Gaeul and do what you want with me…”

Her mouth shivers as she stutters because she can’t help but still feel the aftermath of the things you’ve caused her—you swear to god she almost came all just from that teasing and that’s why she’s struggling but deep inside, you know she loved it.

You still keep asking her if she’s really up for this but she’s really pushing for this and is no stranger to anything like this as she wants to fulfill her fantasies with you.

This is gonna be one hell of a night…

----------------------

“God—I knew she would do this! How am I so stupid!” The girl shouts furiously, frustrated at herself as she’s not having the time of her life because another missed call from possibly hundreds of failed calls from her friend.

She half-expected this to happen but she’s just paranoid to think about anything related to vice in her vocabulary but she can’t do anything, yet…

“We’ll have a bad time tomorrow, Gaeul…”

----------------------

“Seol-ie, please—w-want to feel you…”

“Baby, you gotta be patient—I don’t want to hop onto the climax immediately.”

She keeps kissing you fervently, tongues battling around each other as you pull out again from her vacuum, wanting to teach her something and let her know something.

“I a-also wanted to try something that you'll surely like too…”

“What is it, Seol-ie?”

You sat down onto the bed, spreading your legs wide as you stole a gaze to her, smirking at the thought of what you’re about to enlighten her.

“Have you imagined sucking a dick, Gaeul? Like, I assume you already know what that means—”

“Y-yes, Seol-ie. I’ve always wanted to try that for real and not always in a dildo.”

What a girl Gaeul is, truly. Outside, she is an angel, a pure-hearted girl with everything on her—the nigh-epitome of perfection—yet it’s all like in a disguise.

The angel in disguise and the devil in her eyes. 

You never expected her to be this kinky and dirty, yet you didn’t care about that as you wanted her as much as she wanted you—and again, that’s all that matters. Kneeling down with her face just inches between your clothed erection, her eyes burn with lust as her tongue licks the caldera of her mouth, preparing on what she’s about to take and you, yourself, preparing what sin’s about to happen.

“Please do the honors, baby…”

She tugs the side of your hips, unbuckling your belt hurriedly and unzipping your pants. Her hands are trembling slightly but you assure her with a pat on the head. It definitely works as she feels way more confident than before, now dropping the first layer of your clothed defenses against your crotch. Her eyes lit up in awe as she saw how hard you became and it made her blush knowing that it’s her cause. Now taking a deep breath, she yanks down your boxers as she was met with your rock-hard erection, standing tall and dripping with a little bit of that colorless liquid. She massages your balls gently and stroked the base of your shaft, earning a subtle moan from you because of her good handwork.

“God, baby—that’s good—do I need to teach you or you’ll do it all yourself?”

She keeps her moderate pace between her strokes as she looks you directly in the eyes, “Let m-me do everything, Seol-ie—just relax yourself…”

And there she goes, diving in and plunging her lips onto the tip of your shaft in which, in response, you squirm uncontrollably as her warm mouth meets the raging mushroom tip as her tongue circles around the slit, collecting the pre-cum that has been leaking out. She moans in delight as she finally tastes you—one step until she obtains your primordial seed.

She dances her tongue onto your frenulum and up to the corona of the tip as you squeal because of the sudden hit of pleasure. She just insists on sucking the tip just to give you a tease on what she can do and surprisingly for a first-timer, she’s not doing bad—maybe just the serrated culprit making the pain a little bit unbearable but nonetheless, she’s doing a magnificent job.

“God—what a good girl y-you are—you really are a good girl, Gaeul. Fuck! Keep d-doing that…”

And she didn’t stop pleasuring you, stealing glances and making eye contact too from time to time as her adorable face contradicts the act of sin she’s dealing with between your legs—you don’t why, but it’s so fucking hot.

Now engulfing more inches of your shaft, she starts to gag a little bit because of your girth activating her reflex but she didn’t quit and further bobbed her head with a pace that’s moderately pleasurable. Her tongue working in tandem with her mouth to increase your libido is the breaking point and the dexterity of her hands fondling your balls gently is just crossing a line, in a pleasurably good way. She now takes almost full of your shaft, her pace immediately quickening as you moan uncontrollably, another symphony being composed as you grip her hair, making a makeshift ponytail to fight the excessive pleasure coursing down your veins.

When she looks up, she looks ruined as her make-up is now a mess, tears running down her cheek and the saliva seeping out of her mouth in every thrust she does with face onto your raging length. 

She’s way too great to be an amateur or is it just the fact that your head is ultimately clouded with pleasure that you can’t think straight to judge her skills—but it doesn’t matter as long as you’re getting the pleasure you’ve been wanting to experience for a long time and Gaeul having a good time sucking your dick—that’s all that matters.

“S-stop—Gaeul…”

She still continues to bob her head down frantically, your brain now feeling the familiar knot in your loins which signals the near denouement of the play—the dam breaking loose, signaling your release.

“I said stop, Gaeul!”

She pulls out of your shaft, strands of saliva connected down her mouth and onto your slit as her eyes convey fear. Her puppy-like, brown eyes went uneasy and the furrowing of her eyebrows lets you know how scared she became once you furiously shouted that.

“I-is there a-anything wrong, Seol-ie?” Still catching her breath from the lack of oxygen, she asks you with a tone that distinguishes fright.

“N-no, Gaeul—I j-just want to fuck your pussy now. You d-did a brilliant job sucking m-me off. I’ll feel that until later…”

A sigh of relief escapes her lips knowing that you’re not disappointed or frustrated with her performance but rather enjoyed it.

Now getting up from her previous position, you guide her towards the bed as you completely undress yourself. She strips her clothes slowly, as you watch in amusement, your dick still twitching in need as her full body is on display—petite breasts, small waist, plump butt, mouth-watering thighs and to top it all off, her dripping, wet holes.

“Sorry if it’s not too—”

“Oh come on, Gaeul—it’s perfect just the way it is.”

You then pin her slowly on the bed, kissing lips passionately as she smiles because of your compliments. You then pepper her collarbones with kisses, causing her to moan in need as she’s asking you something that will rile you up for sure.

“How would you w-want to fuck me, Seol-ie, hm?”

A daring question but you’ll immediately answer—

“I’d like to take you from behind, baby. Wanna see this plump ass get pummeled and your holes get wet with my dick.”

“I’d love to be the guest of t-that—hihi~”

She now positions herself in all fours, her arms supporting her body and her face being buried against the mattress. You can see the wetness on her core and it’s oh-so mouth-watering to be feasted on—as much as you want to eat her pussy up, you don’t want to waste time as you want to fuck her and feel her heat. 

You brush your fingers against her wet folds, earning a squirm from the petite lady on all fours. You tease your leaking slit onto her labia which causes her to beg for more and moan sexily, her lewd tone ringing around your ear.

“P-please, j-just put it in to me—just w-want to feel your—oh, fuck!”

Surprising her, you insert your tip onto the entrance of her heated core as you groan on how tight it is—much tighter than what you expect. After all, it was an unclaimed pussy so you weren’t surprised either.

“Gosh—so fucking tight, Gaeul! So, so, fucking tight—arghh, I’m pounding you real good…”

“Please d-do—ahh, you’re stretching me out!”

“It’s just my tip inside you, yet. Wait until you feel it all—the real one…”

And you unleash the beast inside you by bringing in a moderate pace, fucking her with a force that’s not too hard yet not too lacking either. It’s a great pace for and you and her to get used to each other as you gently fuck her—just withdrawing with the tip inside and then slamming back in, balls-deep into her tight, little cunt.

Within a minute of intimate, moderate sex, exchange of lustful moans adding up to the sea caused earlier and passionate kissing, you start to pummel your whole length into her harder and faster, the pace quickly building up as she can feel it to, moaning uncontrollably as her pussy constricts around your length, gripping hard because of the sudden course of pleasure. You groan in pain on how tight she is but because on how wet she is, it wasn’t an issue to fuck her like an animal.

With your whole shaft going inside her in every thrust you make, you inevitably moan in delight as the serotonin you’re feeling is insane and it just fuels you to protrude your whole length into her without letting her catch a breath. You grip her hips and fuck her relentlessly, your aim is to make her feel good and make her feel the best sex of her whole life as every clash of your bodies makes a dissonance to the symphony of moans the both of you are composing—the oxymoron (contradiction) probably making things spicier and better.

“God—S-Seol-ie! You’re fu—mmph!”

“I want to hear you, Gaeul.”

After burying her head onto the mattress because of how she’s feeling so good, you gained the courage to support herself on getting up so you can hear her profanities once more.

“You’re f-fucking m-me too well—ahh—gosh, you’re treating me l-like a toy and I—gahh—love i-it! Please p-pound my cunt!”

“Don’t w-worry, Gaeul—I’ll give you the best sex session of your whole life and you won’t forget this day until the end of times. God—you’re pussy is so fucking tight and I l-love it. So fucking tight—so fucking ruinable…”

Bringing in pandemonium of thrust, the harmonious moans that once filled the air is now a dissonant maelstrom of groans and of course, moans, as you fuck her like an animal—your animalistic urges taking over you and winning. On how much she’s messing the sheets because of her cunt dripping like a broken faucet, you know that she’s about to cum, her first of the night and want to make it one hell of a first orgasm. So, with all the energy your hips can give, you grip the side of her hips and fucked her until her legs almost give out, giving everything you got as announces her near high, resulting you to quicken the pace up and fucking her harder.

“I’m gonna c-cum, Seol-ie! All over your c-cock—fuck, fuck—I’m cumming!!”

And you slow down and let her ride her high as her pussy constricts around your cock, almost suffocating it as she came harder than you expected, her body quivering as she moans (almost screams) in absolute state of bliss. 

You swear to god, you’re going to be cleaning your bed after the both of you are done.

The both of you were a mess yet you wanna add up more than just a mess as you slowly pick up the pace of your hammering thrusts, earning a silent cry from the blonde-haired girl.

“P-please, Seol-ie—please f-fuck me harder—gahh!”

“Aren’t you still sensitive, baby?”

Concern filled your tone as you wanted to give her some breathing space but it seems like she doesn’t care about your frantic actions on using her pussy at your will.

“J-just please—fuck me hard and f-fast again, please!”

If she insists, who are you to resist? 

It wasn’t even out of the choice, not when your tip is still in her, bringing in a leisurely slow pace as she cries and begs for you to hammer her pussy again. You wanted to chase your own orgasm too so you’re in the same boat with her right now and course, you’ll be the one who’ll do the fucking…

What in the world did you make Gaeul be so cock-drunken? What spell did you cast on her to make her impure?

Those were the questions not even science can answer in the right time, only you can but probably, you’ll never will. Increasing the pace immediately, you pound her like it’s your last but unlike the last time, you now lean onto the nape of her neck, resting your head onto it as you pepper her with kisses that add up the intensity and the passion that has been ignited since the start. It’s like gasoline being thrown to the flames of lust and need as you are definitely fulfilling her needs and there’s just one more step towards the apotheosis of this session.

Suckling onto the porcelain skin of her shoulders while you fuck her, it’s really a sigh to behold and a feeling you can’t help to be involved, truly. You weren’t far off reaching your intense climax as you can feel her core pulsating around your raging length, also signaling her near orgasm too.

“God—I’m fucking close, Gaeul. Where do you want it—”

“Inside me, please.”

“But are you—”

“Please, Wooseol! Let’s cum together.”

The silent mewl of desperation lingers around your ears as she cries in need, in need of your seed being deposited inside her, filling her up to the hilt—right towards her womb. Wanting to savor the last moments before the end of the climax, you pull out of her immediately and commanded her to face you as she does, inserting your length with no time to waste as you look deep in her eyes—those eyes that captivated you, lured you into wanting her, loving her, fucking her—those beatiful, brown eyes—

It felt surreal and your thoughts were just head-empty full of her as you kiss her lips as soon as you feel it breaking loose—and there it is—

You kiss her passionately as you unload everything inside her cunt as the love between the both of you surpass the heavens above and everything—every thick spurt makes her moan in need as her thighs quiver in response, also marking her second orgasm of the session. You didn’t stop kissing her as it became more heated but as soon as your orgasm died, you pulled out of her snug core slowly and so is detaching of your lips onto hers. The both of you exchanged smiles and laughs, both in your own euphoric trance and in the paramount of happiness. Once you pull out, you can see how much you’ve come inside her and creampied her well. She thanked you for that yet the worry settled in knowing that you came inside her and scared if she’s going to be—

“Pregnant? Oh c-come on, Seol-ie—I’m perfectly safe today, that's why I want to feel your seed inside me. Gosh—it feels so warm and thick—ahh, thank you.” Gaeul hugs you and kisses your cheek as a big thank you on fulfilling to live on earlier fantasies now turned into reality. You shared another kiss with her and this time, it’s just slow and delicate, full of love and passion.

“This feels enchanting, Seol-ie. I never felt this good in my life—woah… Oh my~”

“And I’m happy to make you feel that way, Gaeul.”

Another kiss on the forehead for further assurance as all she needs to giggle silently again. 

“Gosh—I t-think we should clean up, together, Seol-ie…”

“If you insist, I’ll help you out—I need to clean up myself too.”

And yes, this night will go down to your own history books and hers too—

---------------------------

It doesn’t just get better than this—opting to clean up in the shower and end up having another intimate session is probably the best way to end this remarkable day. It was going all to well until you saw a notification on her phone while she was away—

But there is no blonde angel to save you tonight. With the last customer buying their groceries, the lights die one by one, leaving you in a mostly empty store, alone with thousands and thousands of tasty and not-so-tasty products you’d love to put into a pan and fry. The thuds of your sneakers on the floor almost drown out the grumble in your stomach or the sniffling of your nose as you walk into yet another cold night with nothing to look forward to. 

I fucking hate this shit. 

#

You want to vomit, throw yourself off your bed, tear every single strand of your dark hair out as you dial your mother's number again. You hope it’s over quickly, but one can never know with her, especially if she still stubbornly refuses to help you. Take deep breaths, try to keep your head straight though thinking has become more and more exhaustive with every calorie you’re missing. 

“What is it?” your mother groans, though you find her tone to be a lot more amused than last time. Someone is cheering and laughing in the background, drowning out even the loud TV. 

“The bills, mom. I still have no electricity, no hot water, no heater.”

“Oh right.”

A response colder than your room. You try to straighten your back to speak to her loud and clear, with at least some authority, but you feel yourself crumble when the clanking of bottles loudly booms through the speaker.

“Did… did your boss finally pay you?” you carefully ask, earning an immediate response.

“Yes, he did.”

“Then why didn’t you pay the bills?”

Silence, except for the crime drama running in the back, finding all the suspects and then the killer, as they always do. This case right here is totally clear, no one needs to investigate for more than five minutes to find out that she is at fault, yet it feels like you're on trial, awaiting your parole, which for some reason is still in the balance.

“You know, sweetheart,” your mother cheekily responds, her saliva loudly flopping around in her mouth, mixed with the disgusting flavor of cigarettes and beer. “I really worked hard for that money. It’s my money. In the end I can decide what happens with it.”

Oh God, don’t do that, please for the love of—and don’t call me sweetheart.

“You can’t be serious,” you barely chirp out, your heart throbbing, crumbling like your entire body as you can see your entire foundation, the fragile remains of your fake stability finally falter. You can never cover all of your expenses with this one job and you can’t quit school now, not after getting so close to finally finishing it. You need her money and she seems to finally use it against you.

“It’s just the truth,” she responds nonchalantly, her voice a lot lighter and higher in pitch than usual. You hear someone cackle in the background.

“Sweetheart.

Don’t call me that.

“How about you—

Don’t do this.

“—start begging for my money. C’mon! Get on your knees and beg for it! I’m tired of funding your lazy, incompetent lifestyle. You should be so grateful for my throwing money at you all these years. 

“I didn’t hear you! Get your lazy ass out of your bed now, and on your damn knees.

“Beg for it.”

Laughter from behind her. It's not the TV.

#

A hot shower, warm noodles, a cozy bed—they never felt so wrong, so disgusting. Even as your life objectively improves, it feels horrible, like you had to sell yourself and your soul for it to happen.

Your knees are still drawn to the floor. You might sit in a chair, listen to teachers all day or sit at the checkout, pulling items over the scanner, your knees still feel like they should get on the floor and beg.

Please let me pass.

Please give me more money.

Please leave me alone.

Please ignore my embarrassing existence.

"Hey."

"Uhhh, good evening, ma'a—Gaeul?"

Gaeul's dainty fingers catch your shoulders as you slump forward, against the checkout counter and almost fold over. Your body, devoid of energy, loses all tension.

“Hey, hey,” Gaeul calls out to you, and like the caring mother you never had, the warm palm of her hand cups your forehead. “Oh lord, you’re so hot! You’re definitely sick, what are you doing here?”

“I-I have to work,” you respond, a wave of something hot and heavy pressing down on your brain. This lava burns itself into you and makes every thought process excruciatingly hard. You haven’t even noticed it until now. “I’m not sick, every-thing is fine.”

Your smile is weak, dozy and fake, it cannot fool Gaeul a bit. Her beautiful face falls into deep wrinkles of worry as you can barely lift yourself out of her supporting arms. There is an awkward pause between the two of you, only interrupted by another customer clearing their throat. You try to get back to scanning, but one of Gaeul’s cans slips through your fingers a couple of times.

“I don’t think you should do this,” Gaeul says quietly, softly. “You don’t need to prove your toughness, it’s okay to be sick for a few days. I think your boss will understand.”

“Really, Gaeul, I’m okay.” The final can, straight into the blonde’s bag. Through your blurry eyes you can barely make out the color of her jacket, or sweater, or whatever it is—either way, it definitely suits her. “Thanks for worrying though.”

#

Why did I push her away like this? Why didn’t I listen to her? Why am I always like this?

Everything is hot and everything is cold. You need another jacket or the cold will get worse, but it simultaneously feels like you could die from overheating if you don’t start throwing away layer after layer of clothes. The way your body feels is close to how the inner mechanisms in your brain work in this fever haze. There is nothing, no thought, no conclusion, nothing that matters—yet everything is suddenly relevant.

Objects and details you’ve never actively released before come into focus of your decreasing sight, that one tile in the corner, just as dirty and unspecial as the rest, the second package of gum, purple and pink, the spooky hum when the door opens that never appears when it closes. So you stumble out of the store, tripping over your feet until the fever finally strikes you down.

The concrete, its gray color, is darker the colder it gets. It’s also harder, torturous to lay upon, scorching hot skin on freezing tarmac. Suddenly, brand new sneakers, black and white, small feet, about as small as your own, though they could be—

“Oh my God!”

—a bit bigger, judging by the length of the stockings covered legs that—

“Here, I’ll help you”

—disappear in a plaid skirt, above a combo of thick winter jacket and—

“I knew this was bad. Taxi!”

—a girl, whose hair is both silver and golden, a blonde close to whiteness, nonetheless it looks like a crown adorning and framing her perfectly formed features.

Gaeul.

#

You’re lost in a dream. A school full of students, their ages varying drastically and you do not recognize a single face. The teachers seem a lot more familiar, though they float through the room carelessly, gravity not applying to them. In fact, gravity only applies to you, as the rest of the students fly around the room with their chairs and desks.

A frame of an angel, her hands brushing your cheek, scorching hot, so she puts a wet towel on your face. That’s so nice of her, you must be sick. Sick or not, you cannot miss the day you go to the zoo with the floating class.

The zoo is filled with people, nothing but people. People that look at odd people. Those that have to stand on one leg, those that can’t talk properly, those who like weird things. You can hear your whole class laugh hysterically at all of them, so weird, so wrong, nothing better than to laugh at sickos and be glad that you’re not one of them.

“Uhm, hi.” A voice in the far background, damp, behind a shut door. “Care to explain why you have another girl in your bed?”

You feel like you have to explain yourself, but words are nothing more than concepts in your head, also the zoo is calling, you have to watch the lively corpses float through the water tanks. Luckily, someone speaks for you. The angel.

“She’s a friend and she is sick. That’s all there is to it, Yujin.”

"Oh, really?" The other voice is skeptical, eyebrows raised and she looks for a clever response. “I guess she got sick while laying in your bed? Gaeul, don’t lie to me, okay? Just be straightforward with me.”

“I—” the angel stutters and falls silent. You however found a new enclosure in this zoo which stretches in all directions. This one is rather empty and the enclosure is also no enclosure, just a mirror with a writing above it: ‘Sicko girls that like other girls’.

The reflection is you, of course, in all your—

“What am I going to do with you, hm?” The other voice, now a tall woman of incredible beauty, twirls a couple of golden strands of the angel and tugs them behind her ear with a weak—dishonest, you feel—smile. “The long hair suited you better. I really liked that.”

“I know, Yujin.”

The reflection is you, in all your fault and imperfection, far from perfection and any heavenly being. You are no angel, just a sicko girl that likes girls—and the whole class is laughing.

#

You open your eyes, but the aching, hot pain in your temple and a heavy, wet towel on top of it make actually seeing, realizing anything a pain in the ass. Just the outline of a small face looking down on you, very familiar, very pretty—oh, what a relief to have Gaeul be the first thing you see.

“Wh-where am I?” you ask past dry lips.

“Oh, you’re awake.” Gaeul turns around and quickly reaches for a bottle of water. “Here, drink this, your body needs a lot of water now. You’re in my—my friend's apartment.”

“Damn, then it must have been real fucking bad—”

You cover your mouth, realizing your loud curse in a foreign room, foreign bed, where are your manners, they might have foreign customs. Gaeul’s eyes fall shut when she begins to lightly chuckle. 

“Don’t worry, she’s not here right now,” Gaeul says. “You’re all good. B-but you can’t stay here forever. Just rest up and—you have somewhere to stay, right?”

You carefully remove the towel from your face, catching all the drops running down your forehead as you think about home, your home, finally warm because you threw away your dignity. You’d love to not go there, tear up the contract for rent and run away to something new—into independence.

“Yeah, yup, I—I have a place, don’t worry. Sorry for all the trouble, fuck, I don’t even remember what—I did it again.”

Now Gaeul is holding her stomach, laughing, hitting the blanket that covers your legs and you join her. Though you might sit upright, you feel like falling over, the dizziness, Gaeul’s laugh, they make you feel like you’re still in that dream with the angel. The angel, so ethereal, but made fragile by this voice. A woman.

Suddenly, yours and Gaeul’s face are almost touching, her arms are on your shoulders, yours on her side, her petite frame is in your palm. The laughs have faded, smiles remain but you feel your heart racing. The smile fades and you’re tense. Gaeul is right there and she is so, so pretty.

“You sure you’re alright?” Gaeul asks as she sees your blush. You blush even more and avert your eyes.

“Y-yeah, thank you. You helped a lot. But—

“—are you okay too, Gaeul?”

That’s a smile full of uncertainty, a hint of anger, a glow of hurt. Gaeul’s eyes sparkle and you’d love to blow some life into them. Even better, all the love you have for her, you want to pour it into her and give her power. But no, you have no idea nor any plan to do such a thing. So it’s Gaeul who helps you out of the bed and hands you one of her sweatshirts that isn’t drenched in sweat.

“You are the one with a fever, I’m as healthy as ever!” Gaeul is so bright and her smile shines like a star. In a different universe, she is already a celebrity with a perfect red carpet smile. Fake.

“I didn’t mean that.” In a surge of confidence and worry, you reach for Gaeul’s hand and everything's in slow motion. “I-I’m scared that you’re not happy, that something isn’t right, that—Gaeul, I heard you talk to your friend and she seemed—”

“Look, I—she isn’t my friend.”

Gaeul looks at you. 

“She is my girlfriend.”

Gaeul still looks at you. Now it’s your turn to fake a smile and get it over with.

...