0cta9on!

Yuno’s POV

Like a cliche, gray clouds gather in the sky, promising a downpour on a day like this—the day I hit lower than rock bottom. The only silver lining I can find in all this shit is finally being able to see Minji after what feels like forever. I just wish her parents weren’t also here.

“Here,” Mrs. Kim says, sliding a paper cup of water and a wrapped pastry towards me. “You should eat.”

The coffee shop, in all its efforts to appear lively and casual, just feels like another wing of the hospital—quiet, heavy, and full of people barely holding on. I take the flimsy paper cup and sip at the stale water. The pastry stays untouched. I'm not sure I can stomach it right now.

“Thank you,” I utter, not quite meeting their eyes. The usual disdain in them doesn’t feel as strong today.

Minji fidgets with her hands under the table. Everything that happened after she found me in the hallway went by in a blur. Part of me still can't believe that it's really her. The other part of me wishes she didn't find me in such a sorry state.

Mr. Kim clears his throat. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” I stare into the empty paper cup, rolling it idly in my hand. “It’s my dad. He…” My voice gets caught in my throat. I grit my teeth in an effort to compose myself. “...He’s sick."

A beat of silence passes as my words slowly sink in. “We’re sorry to hear that. Truly,” Mr. Kim offers.

I just nod, unsure of what to say. A heartfelt apology feels so foreign, especially coming from him.

“How is his condition?” he asks.

“Stable, I think,” I mutter. “He’s breathing.”

“Breathing is good,” Minji utters, her voice so soft I almost miss it. She opens her mouth like she wants to say more, but decides against it in the end. As small as they are, those words mean more than anything.

Mrs. Kim slides the untouched pastry closer to me. “You need to eat something if you’re going to be there for your father,” she says, not unkindly.

I glance at her with uncertainty. The lack of iciness in them feels especially jarring. Nonetheless, I take the pastry, offering a small yet grateful nod.

“We should get going,” Mr. Kim says as he glances at his watch. As Minji’s parents head towards the exit, Minji’s lips quiver as if she wants to say something.

“U-um,” she stutters, “Father, may I—”

“I’ll bring the car around,” he says, wearing an expression I can’t quite read. “It looks like it’s about to rain.”

“Don’t take too long, dear,” Mrs. Kim adds, sparing us a brief glance.

Minji lets out a long exhale as her parents exit, leaving the two of us alone to speak. There’s so many things I want to say to her, yet so little time.

The first thing that comes out is a small, “Thank you.”

She lets her lips lilt into a gentle smile, the mask she wears in front of her parents melting away. “I haven’t even done anything,” she says.

“You’re here.” I let out a short breath. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t found me.”

Minji’s eyes turn glassy as they peer into mine. “I’m sorry about everything. You don’t deserve any of this.”  She leans forward a bit, her expression growing stern. “And you better not say you do, because you don’t.”

I can’t help but smile at her remark. “Okay. I won’t.”

“Good.” Her eyes soften and I get lost in them like a maze I don’t want to escape. The last time I was able to stare at them like this feels like a lifetime ago. 

“How are you holding up?” she asks. “Every time I see you, you seem so… tired.”

I sigh, my body sinking into the chair. “I am,” I admit. It’s been forever since I’ve been able to properly eat or sleep. My sanity is holding on by a thread and I can barely control what's left of me these days.

Minji tentatively reaches out, interlocking her fingers with mine. Every muscle in my body loosens as our palms mold against each other like puzzle pieces. Who knew a touch could be so gentle?

“I… don’t know what this means,” I utter, staring at our intertwined hands. “But I want to know.”

Minji’s lips quiver with hesitation. I wonder if that was the correct thing to say. Was it too soon? Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Before I can linger on the thought for any longer, a black car rolls up to the front of the coffee shop. From outside, Mrs. Kim waves at Minji to leave.

Both of us jolt our hands back in fear of being caught. Why does this have to feel illegal? Why is it so hard just to hold her hand?

“I have to go. I’m sorry,” Minji mutters, a sigh drawing from her lips. “I really, really, really want to talk more, but…” Her gaze falls to the ground.

“It’s fine,” I breathe. The words feel bitter on my tongue. “You should go.”

Minji reluctantly trudges towards the exit, looking back just one more time. I can see it in her eyes, all the things she wants to say dancing at the tip of her tongue. It feels comforting in a way, knowing that I’m not the only one who feels like this. 

“Bye, Yuno.”

“Bye, Minji.”

I watch her car leave until it's nothing but a black dot in the distance. Once again, I'm alone.

I sink into the chair, the weight of everything pulling me down. But, for a single fleeting moment, resting in Minji’s palm, I felt like I could finally breathe. Like fate threw me a damn bone for once.

The unopened pastry sits idle in front of me. Tentatively, I tear open the plastic wrapping and bring it to my lips. It tastes… stale and cold—but it’s enough. Enough to make me realize that, despite it all, I have to keep going. Too much is at stake if I give up now. And I’m not ready to say goodbye to the people around me, the ones that saw a reason to stay that I haven’t been able to find in myself.

So, I force myself to chew through the tough pastry. Because I need to eat something if I plan on moving forward.

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The brief talk I had with Minji yesterday didn’t change much. It didn’t magically make my dad recover overnight. It didn’t erase Sunghoon from existence. But at the very least, it made me feel a little lighter. The problems I’m facing are my own, but I have people around me now—people that care enough to make my burdens more bearable.

And right now, there's two people that I've been pushing away for far too long.

My footsteps echo throughout the empty hallways as I walk towards my locker. I’m never at school this early, but I need a second to breathe before I face Yujin and Winter. I’ve been a shitty friend to them these past few days, stumbling around like a zombie while pretending that everything’s fine. Yujin’s constant worry, my outburst against Winter, I need to apologize for all of it.

“Hey.” I hear Yujin’s voice approach me from the end of the hallway. Winter trails behind him, like she’s bracing for another outburst. “We got your text. You wanted to talk?”

My gaze falls to the ground, unable to meet their eyes. “Hey. Yeah, just… sorry. For everything.” I suck a breath in through my teeth and release it back into the air. 

The air between me and them is silent and distant. Maybe I really have fucked things up for good. “When shit hits the fan, I shut down,” I continue, fist balled inside my pocket. “Don’t talk for days, sometimes weeks if it’s that bad. It happened back then when… when my mom died.” I feel the words tangle up in my throat, threatening to choke me, but they need to know the whole truth. They need to know why I am the way I am. Why I’m so bad at shit like this. If I’m gonna be better—for them, for Minji—they need to know the truth.

“Back then, it didn’t matter. There was no one around me I could talk to. Everyone knew me as the shy kid with no friends, so on the outside, I seemed fine. My dad did the same. I would always find him staring at pictures of mom. He wouldn’t cry, just… stare. Like if he stared long enough, she’d step out of the frame and everything would turn back to normal.”

The first few nights after mom died were the worst. When the news finally hit that she succumbed to her injuries, dad and I both shut down. We were all we had left, but neither of us could bring ourselves to talk about her openly. The house we had lived in our whole lives felt so hollow without her. She was in everything—the couch she fell asleep on during movie nights, the kitchen that was filled with the smell of her cooking, the hallways lined with memories that I’m still grieving.

A shaky breath brushes past my lips as I fight to hold back the tears. “Before you guys, I had no one. Once dad got a hold of alcohol, there wasn’t a single person I could talk to about any of this. And I was fine with that. Or, at least I thought I was.” My nails dig into my palm, a desperate attempt at keeping myself together. 

“It’s why I got into so many fights—there’s no space to think about anything else when your life's on the line. Over time, my reputation grew into what it is today. People avoided me, like saying the wrong thing would make them my next target, and I continued on like this because I had no fucking clue what else to do.” 

I let out a long sigh, the weight of everything I’ve kept inside finally lifting off of my shoulders. Even as the ghosts of my past claw at my chest, a sense of relief washes over me. Like I can finally breathe again. “This isn’t an excuse for the way I’ve been acting, I just… thought you guys should know.”

Before I even have a chance to think, I feel two pairs of arms wrap around me tightly.

“Dude…” Yujin says, his voice a mere whisper against my ear. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too,” Winter adds gently, squeezing my shoulder. “No one deserves to carry all that alone.”

I open my mouth, ready to brush off their comments with an “I’m fine” or an “It’s not a big deal”. But instead, I say, “Thank you. For being here.”

I pull them close, careful not to crush them in my arms. The three of us stay like that for a while, not caring about the weird looks from students passing by. When we finally let go of each other, something in me feels different. Lighter. Like I’m truly not alone anymore.

Yujin looks at me, brows knit together. “So, what happened that made you shut down like this?” he asks.

I explain everything—the banquet, the kiss, Sunghoon, Minji’s parents, and what happened with my dad. The entire time, they just listen, letting me pour out everything that’s been keeping me down. It really does feel good to have friends.

“Wow…” Yujin sighs. “I knew something was off, but I didn’t know it was this bad. Why didn’t you tell us all this earlier? We could’ve done something to help you.”

“I don’t know,” I utter regretfully. “I didn’t want to burden you guys with all this shit.”

“You’re not a burden, you’re our friend,” Winter says softly.

“Thanks.” I look her in the eye. “And sorry for my outburst yesterday. You didn’t deserve that.”

Her lips curl into a small smile. “It’s okay. It was… scary, but I know you. We both do. And we know you wouldn’t hurt us unless you were hurting yourself.”

I truly don’t deserve these two.

“Oh!” Yujin exclaims suddenly, pointing at my face. “Are you crying?”

“What, I’m not—” I brush my eye, tear droplets rubbing off on my finger. Sniffling, I wipe them away, hoping that’s the last of them.

“Come here, man.” Yujin, arms outstretched, tries to hug me again, but I keep him away with my arm.

“Get off of me, I’m not crying—”

“—Don’t fight it, we’re here for you, bud—”

“—Yujin, I swear to fucking—”

“—C’mon, love me!”

The hallways begin to fill with chatter as the first period draws nearer. Winter giggles to herself, ignoring my pleas for help, while I try to keep an annoyingly persistent Yujin at arms reach. I should be annoyed, but for the first time in a while, I feel normal. Happy, even. Happy in a way that I haven’t felt in forever.

“Yuno.”

I whip my head around to see Principal Geier looking at us, holding a serious expression.

“Winter. Yujin. Good morning,” he greets with a nod.

“G-good morning, s-sir.”

“G’mornin!”

“I just need to borrow Yuno for a moment,” Geier says. “There’s some things we need to discuss.”

Winter and Yujin exchange uneasy looks, but I put a hand on their shoulders, squeezing them for reassurance. “I’ll be fine,” I tell them, and for once, I mean those words. “I’ll see you guys later.”

I shoot them a grin before following Geier along the familiar route to his office. Whatever he has to say, I’m ready for it. Fate be damned.

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“Sit,” Geier says, his tone gentler than usual. I expect him to bring up what happened with Sunghoon. Knowing that prick, he probably snitched to get me suspended or something.

“How are you doing these days?” he asks, catching me off guard with his sincerity. “I’ve noticed you’ve looked a bit down recently. Everything alright?”

“Uh…” I’m not about to dump all my emotional baggage on the principal of all people. “I’m doing better now,” I utter.

“Good, good,” he nods, hands folded on his desk. “Back there, are they your friends? Winter and Yujin?

I feel a smile creep up onto my face before I can stop it. “Yeah, they’re my… best friends.” The words sound foreign yet pleasant coming out of my mouth.

“Hey, that’s great to hear.” Geier grins at me, which freaks me out a bit. I’m much more used to the angry tomato he turns into than whatever this is. “It took a while, but you found your people.”

“Yeah, I guess… So, what is this about?” I ask, skepticism in my tone.

He scoffs, offended. “What, I can’t check up on my students? I’m the principal for pete’s sake, this is my job, Yuno.”

“Right.” I still can’t quite shake the feeling that something is off here.

“Look, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but if there’s anything you would like to discuss while you’re here, I’m happy to listen.” He leans forward in his chair like he’s half-expecting me to suddenly pour my heart out. I’d rather he just yell at me at this point.

“Uh… Nope. Nothing,” I say.

“Nothing?”

I shake my head. If he wanted me to dump my entire tragic backstory on him, he should’ve come a minute earlier in the hallway.

Geier leans back in his seat with a defeated sigh. “Fair enough. Get back to class,” he says as he waves me off.

As I gather my backpack off the ground, I stop—as much as I hate to admit it, he’s saved my ass more than once. The least I can do is throw him a bone.

“I guess… I could use some advice,” I mumble reluctantly.

“Yeah?” His eyes light up just a smidge. “What’s going on?”

“My dad is… unwell.” I clear my throat, pushing each word through. “I don’t really, um, know what to do or, like, say to him, I guess? He’s been doing better recently, but then this happened, and now… I’m terrified.” My vision blurs as tears threaten to pour from my face. Fuck. I’m trying not cry in front of my principal of all people, but it’s the truth—I am fucking terrified. Even if he’s stable now, what if something bad happens later? What if, on top of all the shit that’s been going on lately, I lose my dad after I just got him back?

I can’t go through this again. But I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to stop it.

Geier lets out a heavy sigh into the air, his expression noticeably darker. “I’m so sorry, Yuno. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through,” he begins, slowly, calmly. “It’s hard not to feel powerless when it feels like your world is collapsing all around you. But I can promise you this—you are not alone.”

He leans forward in his chair, making sure that I hear every word. “You have a support system, Yuno. Lean on them. Don’t try to shoulder all these problems alone, because you aren’t alone. You never are. And speaking as a father, I can tell you right now that all your father needs is you. Be there for him. Show him what he needs to fight for.”

I wipe my tears against my sleeve as his words hang in the air. God dammit—he’s not so bad at this whole “principal” thing after all. “O-okay…” I mutter, sniffling.

Geier scribbles his signature on a slip of paper and hands it to me. “Here’s a pass. If you need anything else from me, you know where I am, alright?”

“Yeah.” I take the pass from him and trudge towards the door. “Uh, thanks, Geier.”

He gives me a final nod as I shut the door behind me. In the now empty hallways, I lean against the wall, getting my bearings for a quiet moment. Christ, when did I get so emotional? I feel like I’ve shed more tears in the past two days than I have in the past couple years. Thank God no one burst into the room while I was being a big fucking cry baby.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, probably my friends wondering what Geier wanted. But as my eyes scan the notification, my jaw drops to the floor in utter shock. 

Minji: hey :) meet me in the music room after school?

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The end of the day can’t come fast enough. As soon as the final bell rings, I jump out of my seat and sprint all the way to the music room. Having never been anywhere near the music room, I get lost a couple times, but it doesn’t matter. I would scale the entire world on foot if it meant Minji was somewhere waiting for me.

I skid to a halt outside the door as I finally find it, tucked away in a quiet corner of the campus. Taking a second to catch my breath, I gently push the door open, finding Minji sitting in front of a grand piano. Her slender fingers lightly dance along the keys as she sways her head to a song playing through her earbuds. Golden afternoon light cascades from the windows and rests on the soft skin of her cheek. I almost cry again from the mere sight of her—she’s so beautiful.

Finally, after staring at her for way longer than I probably should, Minji notices my presence, her lips curling into a soft grin. “Yuno.”

I feel my chest tighten from the sound of her voice. “I, uh, got your text.”

“So you did.” She pats the spot next to her, inviting me over.

The last time we were this close, we were in a dreary coffee shop on a rainy day after I just went through one of the worst experiences of my life. But now, we’re here, in the sunny quiet where no one can disturb us. Our own little pocket of the universe, even if it’s just for a fleeting moment.

“I didn’t know you played,” I comment, glancing at the piano keys.

“Kind of,” she breathes. “I used to come here all the time when I was a freshman and teach myself piano whenever I had free time. Sometimes the music teacher would come in and teach me a song or two.” Her smile widens at the memory. “But after I became student council president, I haven’t been able to stop by as often. I was never that good in the first place, but it was always fun to learn something new. Something that my parents didn’t force me to do.”

“I’d love to hear you play.”

“Maybe.” She gazes longingly at the piano, fingers brushing against the keys just light enough so that they don’t make a sound. “Y’know, I never really wanted to become student council president.”

My brow raises in surprise. “Really?”

She nods. “I don’t regret doing it—I like being able to help people on a larger scale and trying to make things better from the inside out—but this was always what my parents wanted me to do.”

“Huh,” I breathe, letting her words sink in. “What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know,” Minji sighs. “I mean, I do know, I’m just not sure if I have the courage to do it.”

It’s entirely unfair that someone as talented and hardworking as Minji has to go through all this shit. It makes sense for me, but what did she ever do to deserve this? Tentatively, I reach for her hand, lacing my fingers with hers. Her eyes widen at me, cheeks turning a rosy pink, but she doesn’t pull away.

“You’re stronger than you think,” I say softly, looking into her eyes. “I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me, but I believe in you.”

Minji’s lips curl into a smile, and I swear it’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. “That means a lot. Thank you.” Her gaze falls down to our hands, still tenderly intertwined. “I guess we should talk about what this is.”

I gulp nervously. “Do you want me to let go?”

She shakes her head. “Do you want to let go?”

“No,” I admit. I’d much sooner cut my own arm off then willingly let go of her hand.

“Good.” She gently squeezes my hand in hers. “So I guess this means we’re… dating?”

As much as I would like that, it just doesn’t feel right. Not yet, at least. “I'm… not sure,” I utter.

Minji lets out a long sigh, her thumb gently caressing the back of my hand. “Honestly, me neither. Things have been so hectic lately that the thought of us happening just feels… unreal.”

I nod in agreement, but I can’t quite quell the gnawing insecurity in the back of my head. After everything that happened, we’re finally here, together, but the thought of messing it all up before we even start scares the hell out of me.

I like Minji. I want to be her boyfriend. I want to hold her hand and keep her close and be hers in every sense of the word. Fearful yet determined, I suck in a deep breath. “Maybe we can start things slow. No labels, just us,” I suggest sheepishly. “I… like you, Minji. A lot. And I really don’t want to mess this up.”

Minji bites her lip, failing to fight back a smile as her cheeks turn as pink as cherry blossoms in spring. “You’re stronger than you think. I believe in you,” she teases. “And I like you too, Yuno. A lot.”

As those words grace my eardrums, I feel my heart burst out of my chest, growing wings and flying to the Heavens above. Eat shit, Sunghoon. This girl—this beautiful, amazing, smart, kind, angel of a person—said that she likes me. I don’t care about what her parents think, or what those other rich fucks think, or what anyone else in the world thinks.

Minji Kim likes me. And that matters more than anything.

“Uh, do you have to be anywhere soon?” she asks, a shy look in her eyes.

“Not for a few hours,” I reply. “Why?”

Minji offers me one of her earbuds. “I told my parents I had a student council meeting today so they won’t expect me home for a little while. Do you want to listen to music together?”

As if I could ever say no to her. I take the earbud and place it into my ear, watching as Minji scrolls through her playlist. After a second, the sound of a gentle piano plays straight into my ear, making my body sway side to side. As each note plays, I feel my body growing lighter and lighter, like I might float away if Minji’s grip wasn’t tethering me to the ground.

Outside of these four walls, things are still a mess. My dad is in the hospital. Sunghoon is still creeping around somewhere. Minji’s parents still don’t approve of me. But right now, none of that matters. It’s just us. Not quite friends, not quite dating—something in the middle that’s uniquely our own.

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Dad’s condition has improved since I last saw him passed out and barely breathing. The doctor says he won’t be 100% for a couple more days, so I’m making an effort to visit him when I can. Like Geier said: ”Show him what he needs to fight for.”

“Are you sure these flowers are okay?” Winter asks, a vase full of pink carnations in hand. “I don’t even know if your dad likes pink.”

“It’s fine,” I reassure her. “He’ll love them.”

“It’ll really stand out against all these white walls, don’t you think?” Yujin adds with a chuckle. Hospitals never fail to make me feel some type of way, but at least I’m not alone this time.

As we enter my dad’s room, we see him scraping down the remnants of a jello cup while watching a rerun of Jeopardy on TV. “Hey kiddos,” he says, his eyes lighting up once he notices us.

“Hi, dad,” I say, mirroring his grin. “I brought some friends from school, Winter and Yujin.”

Winter nervously sets down the vase on his bedside table. “H-hello, Mr. Lin. We got these f-for you.”

“Thank you! How’d you know my favorite color was pink?” my dad jokes. Compared to how he was on day one—just barely clinging on to life—seeing him so animated puts my mind at ease.

Yujin approaches him, hand outstretched. “It’s nice to officially meet you, sir! I must say, you’ve done a fine job raising your son!” As nice as the sentiment is, I can’t help but cringe on the inside.

Dad matches Yujin’s energy, shaking his hand with the same fervor. “Did I?” He glances at me, and for a moment, I can see a crack in his expression. It’s just a mere flash, but I know what it means—all the regret of not being there for me these past couple years is still eating at him from the inside. “I can’t take all the credit. His mom did most of the work. Isn’t that right?”

I shake my head and quickly change the subject. “How are you feeling, dad?”

“Amazing, if you can believe it.” He reclines back in his bed, his hands resting behind his head with a content sigh. “They got all the streaming services here, and I get as many jello cups as I want.”

“Even the lime ones?!” Yujin asks, his eyes widening as if all-you-can-eat jello is the epitome of luxury.

“Absolutely, my friend,” Dad chuckles. With how sociable he is, it’s a wonder how I’m his son. “So how’d you two meet Yuno?”

A flash of panic hits me. “Well, uh—”

“He beat up my bully for me.” Yujin beats me to the punch, casually explaining my violent past in less than a dozen words.

“He… did?” Dad glances towards me with an expression I can’t quite read. Disappointment? Anger? Confusion? Maybe all of it. My gaze falls to the side, cheeks burning with shame.

“M-mine too, technically,” Winter adds. Well that’s just great.

An awkward tension hangs in space between me and my dad and I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes. Part of the process of becoming a better person is coming to terms with the fact that I did shitty things, noble intentions or not. I hurt people. I probably put them in this same exact hospital. Maybe even the same bed my dad is in at one point in time.

This feeling sucks, but I have to come clean eventually. I can’t keep my dad in the dark forever, right?

“Yeah,” I utter carefully. “They were being bullied, and no one else would do anything about it, so I… stepped in.” 

My dad doesn’t say anything right away, leaving me to guess what he’s thinking. 

‘When did I raise such a monster?’

‘Your mother would be so disappointed in you.’

Something along those lines, probably. 

"So, that time you came home with all those bruises…" my dad mutters, putting the pieces together.

I nod. "These guys were threatening Winter. I didn't want her getting hurt, so…"

A tense moment passes. And then, a laugh.

"You really are your mom's son," he chuckles.

"What?"

"Oh yeah, she was a real firecracker when she was your age." My dad's eyes wash over with this dreamy look as he recalls the past. "She couldn't stand bullies. Half the time, I was there to calm her down, but if I wasn't? Oh boy. She once took down five other girls by herself and walked away with nothing but a broken nose!"

Yujin, Winter, and I exchange confused looks. "Mom was really like that?" I ask.

"You should've seen her, Yuno! If it weren't for your grandma forcing her to become a nurse, I bet she would've been a world champion MMA fighter!" he guffaws.

To think, my own mom, who I only remember as being kind and compassionate, used to be just like me?

I imagine what she must've been like in her younger days. Was she enraged by the lack of action from the school? Did she take matters into her own hands to protect others, even if it meant getting herself hurt? Did grandma ever scold her for always getting into trouble? If Mom was still alive, would she have scolded me the same way? Or would she see part of herself in me?

I'll never know. And yet, I feel closer to her than ever.

"Wow!" Yujin stares at me, all starry-eyed and awe. "Your mom sounds so cool!"

"Oh, she was the coolest!" Dad lays back with a satisfied grin. "But that's a story for another time. Sorry kiddos, this old man is getting a little tired."

"Can we come visit you again, sir?" Yujin asks.

"Of course."

"It was a pleasure meeting you," Winter says.

"Likewise." He lets out a long yawn, his eyes fluttering shut. "Take care of Yuno for me, will ya?"

I roll my eyes. "See ya, dad."

"See ya, son."

The last thing I see before we shut the door is my dad's resting face—so peaceful. So alive.

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Minji's POV

Yuno and I are something.

More than friends, not quite dating yet—just something.

The thought of it is enough to force a smile out of me. A couple months ago, I never would've believed I would be part of something, let alone with Yuno, but now, our little something is all I can think about.

I know we said we would take things slow, but my god, all I can think about is holding his hand. They're so warm and a little rough around his knuckles, I could trace his calluses for hours. And the way his eyes dilate whenever he looks at me? So cute. I feel like I'm going to burst into a billion specks of light just thinking about him.

But alas, all good things must come to an end.

I barely have enough time to kick off my shoes before the smile is wiped off of my face.

"Welcome home, dear," Mother greets me from the living room. Next to her are the Parks, and that slimy gremlin that they call a son.

I muster up the most convincing smile I can. "Hello, mother. Mr. and Mrs. Park. Sunghoon." Why does he always have to be here at the most inopportune moments? Not like there's ever an opportune moment for him to be around, but I digress.

"Why don't you join us for some tea?" Mother offers.

"I'd love to, but I have a, uh, bio test I need to study for."

"Why don't you have Sunghoon join you?"

Ah. Just great.

"Mrs. Park has been telling us all about Sunghoon's tutors," she says.

"If you'd like, I can get you in contact with them," Sunghoon adds with that cheesy grin.

"Thanks, I'll, uh, think about it," I mutter.

I trudge up the stairs with Sunghoon in tow. As soon as the door shuts behind us, his grin drops, revealing the true slime ball underneath. He can stay here to keep up appearances with our parents, but I'm not speaking to him if I can help it.

"What? You're just going to ignore me now?" he scoffs.

I do just that, idly scrolling through my phone.

"Fine. Be that way." The room fills with a tense silence. I can feel his eyes burning a hole through me, but I don't dare look up from my phone.

"You know what," he begins again, "you're lucky that I haven't said anything to my parents about Yuno's attack against me." Sunghoon touches his throat where Yuno had choked him just days ago.

I know what he's doing—just trying to get a rise out of me. I won't give him the satisfaction.

"I could have him expelled!" he all but yells. "He attacked me, Minji! And you're siding with him? What is your deal?!"

Any louder and our parents will storm upstairs to find out what all the ruckus is about. Will he really go that far? Who knows what this psychopath is capable of?

Sunghoon rakes his hands over his face, clearly irked by my silence. "One more slip up from him and I'll get him expelled in an instant, do you understand me?" he growls.

"Touch him and I'll choke you myself," I say before I even have the chance to think about it.

He laughs. "Oh, I'd love to see you try."

"Ugh, gross." I scoot away from him. "Why can't you just leave us alone?"

Sunghoon's eyes grow wide. "'Us'? Since when we're you two an 'us'?"

"It… doesn't matter," I stutter.

"Are you two… dating?"

I bolt to my feet. "Get out of my room."

"Minji—"

"Get out."

"You are making the biggest mista—"

"I'll scream," I threaten. I'm not sure what exactly screaming will accomplish, but it seems to be enough to get him to back off.

He scoffs. "Maybe I won't even need to do anything. Eventually, he'll screw this all up himself." The door slams behind him, and I'm finally left alone.

Sunghoon can say whatever he wants. I'll protect Yuno with my life if I have to. This is my first something and I'm not gonna let this slime ball take that away from me.

I collapse back onto my bed, phone in hand. With how much of a roller coaster life has been lately, I need a good distraction.

Minji: heyyyyy

Minji: we should hang out tomorrow

Minji: mall?

Hanni: YAHHHHHH lets go!

Danielle: I'm down

Haerin: ye

You've never been much of an "alpha male", and frankly, you're fine with that. Your childhood is a classic tale: always last picked in school sports, struggled to make many guy friends, called every homophobic slur under the sun just for having basic hygiene. Despite it all, you ended up in an alright place—a quiet and unassuming existence.

Then, you met Kazuha, and your quiet and unassuming existence turned upside down.

"He ordered the chicken sandwich, not the burger," she scolds, dropping the tray of food onto the counter with enough force to send a couple fries flying.

You meekly tug her sleeve. "It's fine, really—"

"Hush, baby." In an instant, she shuts you up with a quick glance with those piercing eyes. "Let momma handle this."

"I'm so sorry, ma'am," the cashier says with his squeaky, prepubescent voice. "I'll have the kitchen put a rush on his chicken sandwich right away. Uh, may I interest you in a free dessert for your troubles?"

Kazuha turns to you, patiently waiting for your answer.

"Uh, I guess a vanilla milkshake wouldn't be so bad—"

"Vanilla milkshake," she repeats, leaning against the counter. "And no cherries. My boyfriend doesn't like cherries."

The cashier gulps, his Adam's apple practically disappearing in sheer terror. "U-uh, yes ma'am. No cherries. Understood."

"Good." Kazuha shoots him one final glare before taking your hand and leading you back to your booth.

"You didn't have to do that," you mutter. "I would've been fine with the burger."

She slinks into the seat across from you with a huff. "It's not what you ordered though. And I know how much you like the chicken sandwich at this place."

You shrug. "The burger isn't that bad."

"Then why didn't you order the burger?" She raises her brow in that "I'm right and you know it" kinda way that you're all too familiar with.

"Well…"

Kazuha reaches across the table and lifts up your chin, forcing you to meet her eyes. "Repeat after me: Thank you for fixing my order, Kazuha. You're the best," she says in a high-pitched voice.

You chuckle softly. "I don't sound like that."

"Say it."

"Thank you for—"

"Do it in the voice."

"Wha—I'm not gonna do t—"

"Do it!"

Her outburst attracts some unwanted attention from other tables, making you shrink in your seat. "Kazuha, people are looking…"

Her lips curl into that smirk—the one that never fails to make your heart do a somersault even after eight months of dating. "Aw, sorry," she brushes her thumb against your bottom lip, "did I embarrass you, baby?"

"W-whatever." You pull away before you do something that'll get both of you kicked out for overt PDA. "Thanks for fixing my order. You're the best," you utter flatly.

Kazuha sits back, arms behind her head and chin held high like those cool kids in old movies. "I know. I'm pretty fuckin' sick."

"And humble too."

The cashier from earlier drops off your food, making an effort to avoid looking Kazuha in the eye. "Here you go, is there anything else I can get you two?" he asks.

Kazuha looks over at you for an answer. "No, thank you," you say. You swear you see him breathe a heavy sigh of relief as he walks away. Poor guy.

"I feel bad," you unwrap your chicken sandwich, the one you ordered initially. "He's probably got enough things going on without us giving him grief."

"Relax babe, we're doing him a favor. Now he knows not to mess up people's orders," she points out, coolly tossing a fry into her mouth.

"Still," you linger on the flakes of salt on her lip for a second too long, "you know how badly service people are treated on the daily. I don't wanna add to that."

"Then don't. I'll do it for you," she smirks.

"Kazuha, that's not funny."

"What, I didn't laugh."

"Yeah, but you're smiling."

"I'm smiling because you're cute."

You bite your tongue, unwilling to give her the satisfaction of a grin. Unknowingly or not, she sets her food to the side and leans forward, eyeing you like a piece of art.

"Ugh, I hate when you do that," you mutter.

"Do what? I'm just lookin' at ya." Her eyes trace over your lips, and you wonder if she'll like the taste of that new chapstick you just bought.

"I'm trying to eat."

"Am I disturbing your eating?" You feel her foot press against your calf, drawing slow lines with the toe of her boot.

Trying to win against Kazuha is a sisyphean task. She does what she wants, and you follow her around like a loyal puppy. Behave well enough, she'll give you a treat—and just like any puppy, you like your treats.

"Not here, at least," you pout. "I haven't had a single thing to eat all day."

"Aww." She gives you one last drag against your leg before settling back into her seat. "Okay, I'll let you eat."

"Thank you."

Even then, you find your foot gently rubbing against hers as you eat. You can act annoyed all you want, but face it: you're completely smitten with Kazuha.

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"Baby?" Kazuha grabs a leather jacket off of the rack and holds it up to her torso. "What do you think?"

"I think," you sigh, "you have way too many leather jackets."

"What's wrong with that? I'm a collector."

"That looks exactly like the one you bought last week." You take a closer look at the oddly familiar looking tag. "I'm pretty sure that is the exact same one."

"Oh." She takes one last look at it before putting it back. "See, this is why I like having you around. I've probably saved, like, a billion dollars thanks to you."

"Whatever," you chuckle, linking your arm with hers. It's just common sense, you think, but the warmth of her compliment is leagues better than being right.

The two of you pass by racks and racks full of the new wave of summer trends. Personally, you've always been a fan of the fall—cardigans, sweaters, the ability to wear jeans without your legs feeling like tinfoil-wrapped burritos. You and summer are just a match made in Hell. Inevitably, it comes around to torment you for three months out of the year and you're forced to scramble for a wardrobe that won't burn you alive.

"See anything you like?" Kazuha asks.

You scan the men's section, grimacing at the typical suspects that plague the shelves—tank tops, cargo shorts, ugly graphic tees with abominations like "summer vibes" written all over them. "Not really."

"You sure?" She grabs a simple black tank top off the rack. "This one seems pretty nice."

You physically restrain yourself from rolling your eyes. Something like that would only look good on her, with her pretty arms that are deceptively strong, and when she flexes, you can see the shadows dance around her biceps, which reminds you of that one time she put you in a chokehold as a joke and you could feel her muscles pushing against your throat, and you were so mesmerized by the feeling that you forgot to fight back, and—

"Baby?" Kazuha shakes you out of your trance. "You okay?" she chuckles.

"I-I'm good." You wipe away the droplet of drool that almost leaked from your lips. "Let's keep looking."

Deeper and deeper through the men's section you go, yet nothing seems to tickle your fancy. Go figure. You knew looking for clothes this time of year would be futile, but Kazuha wanted to hang out and you already said yes before realizing how much of a waste of time this would amount to.

"Ugh, these all suck," you groan.

"Maybe we'd have found something by now if you weren't so picky," Kazuha points out, brow raised at you.

"Not all of us were born to look good in just about anything," you bite back with a cheesy grin. "Some of us have to put effort into looking nice."

"Hey, don't blame me for being sexy." She drapes her arm around your shoulders, and for a split second, you think she's going to put you into another chokehold. So close. "I don't want you overheating just because you're being stubborn, baby."

"I'm not being stubborn, I just—"

You glance over at the women's section and stop at one of the mannequins. It's wearing a simple outfit, fitting for the weather, but what catches your eyes is the skirt—floor length and ruffled, made of a pure white cotton that seems to dance, even on the still mannequin. 

For one reason or another, you can't take your eyes off of it. It wouldn't be too hard to fit into your current wardrobe, and it's a much nicer alternative to the dull beige of all the cargo shorts that seems to infect every corner of the men's options. But, it's just—you're a guy, and Kazuha, well—you already wonder why she even likes you, and—

Kazuha follows your gaze. "Are you getting the hots for the mannequin?" she teases.

"W-what? No, I just—maybe we can find somewhere else to—"

She grips your hand before you have a chance to escape. "Hey, be honest with me." Her voice turns softer, more sincere compared to her usual mischief. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, I—" You peer into her round eyes. They're void of any kind of judgment or disgust, the usual reaction you expect when girls you're interested learn of your 'peculiar tastes'. "I just thought the skirt was pretty. That's all."

"Pretty on me, or pretty on you?"

"Well, of course you'd look pretty in it—"

"Hey." She tilts your chin up, the tip of her thumb pressing your bottom lip. You practically sink into her touch. Never have you felt a presence safer than Kazuha's.

"I… wanna try it on," you admit shyly. "Is that okay?"

She bares her pretty white teeth at you before pressing a soft kiss onto your lips. "Of course you can, baby. You don't need my permission to wear whatever you want."

Heat creeps up your cheeks like lava bubbling to the top of a volcano. "Thanks," you utter, biting back your excitement at the thought of looking pretty.

The second your staring at your reflection in the dressing room mirror, the ruffled skirt in your hands, it all starts to feel a little too real. Your first ever skirt. The thought has crossed your mind a handful of times before, but you never thought you'd actually get to this point. If it weren't for Kazuha and her charming eyes, this moment would just be another figment of your imagination.

You take a deep breath, and you put it on—it fits. Your reflection doesn't look half bad either. The breeze between your legs will take some getting used to, and you'll need to be wary of what color underwear you wear with these, but for now, you're just in awe of how good it looks. How good you look.

You do a little twirl for fun, giggling at the way the dress flows like petals on a blooming flower. Kazuha knocks against the dressing room door. "Did you try it on yet? I wanna see."

"Yeah! Come in."

As soon as Kazuha sees you, her expression drops. In that moment, worry starts to creep into your mind.

Does she not like it?

Does she not like you?

Will she leave just like the rest of them?

All your anxieties are laid to rest as Kazuha envelops you into a tight squeeze. "Holy fuck, my boyfriend is so pretty," she breathes, rocking you back and forth in her arms. You immerse yourself in her warmth, the kind of warmth that steadies your heart and quiets your mind; the kind you want to feel every day until you die.

"Does that mean you like it?" you ask.

"I love it," she says, pecking your lips. "I'm totally buying you every single color they have."

You chuckle at her enthusiasm. "Maybe we can just stick to this one for now? Until I get used to it, at least."

"That's fine with me." Her lips find yours once again, this one a little longer, a little more tender. "It really suits you, baby."

This kiss leaves you wobbly-kneed and blubbering, reduced to a puddle of lovestruck goop in her arms. Her strong, toned arms that you somehow fit perfectly in between.

"Let's hurry up and pay for it so I can take it off you later tonight," she winks, shutting the door behind her and leaving you to feel like the luckiest boy on the planet.

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The two of you kick off your shoes by the front door of your apartment, tossing the shopping bags haphazardly on your coffee table. Those will be for future you to deal with; right now, your feet are dead from all the walking and your body is in desperate need of a bed to collapse on.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," Kazuha urges, dragging you to your bedroom. In there, she collapses back onto your bed, arms above her head and her eyes staring you down like a hawk to a little mouse. "Hurry up and take me, pretty boy."

"O-oh." You gulp. "You mean, like, right now? Um—"

"What's that?" Kazuha asks, a smirk growing on her lips. On your usually tidy desk, a small pile of crumpled tissues sits next to your closed laptop, and the memory of what you did last night hits you all at once.

"W-wait, it's not what it looks like—!"

"You little freak!" Before you have a chance to explain yourself, Kazuha jumps to her feet, grabbing at your laptop with the cunning of a fox. "Ooh, let's see what kind of perversions you were watching!"

"Kazuha, don't—"

She flips open your laptop, and on the screen lies a still of the last scene you had watched—a boy with cerebral palsy and his grandma overlooking the edge of a mountain.

"What?" Kazuha asks. "Where's the porn?"

"I wasn't watching porn," you sigh in embarrassment, "I was watching a movie."

She gasps. "An adult movie?!"

"No!" 

Kazuha falls into a fit of giggles. Real mature of her.

"I was watching a… sad movie." You point at the pile of tissues. "I was crying…"

"Aw." She holds your head to her chest, kissing the top of your scalp. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make of fun of you for crying."

"It's fine." It's impossible to be upset with her when she feels this nice.

"Was it good? Can I watch it with you?"

"You want to? What about the whole, um, 'taking you' thing?"

She chuckles softly. "Maybe some other time. Walking around all day has got me feeling lazy." Kazuha crawls into your bed, cozying up under your covers. "C'mon, I wanna watch!"

You relent, following her onto your bed. "I might cry again."

"That's okay," she wraps you in her embrace, "mama's here."

You drag the little red dot all the way to the beginning and hit play, safe and sound in her arms.

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"Grandma?" Chunhe utters, cradling the box of his beloved cat's ashes in his arms.

"Hmm?" she replies.

"After you take me to school, I'll buy you a meal at the cafeteria."

His grandma smiles at him. "All right."

"And then," Chunhe continues, "Buy yourself a train ticket and go wherever you want. Go look around. Go have some fun. Let me walk the rest of my path my way. All right?"

His words may be slow or clumsy, but his sincerity cuts through like the sharpest blade, and his grandma knows this. No more is Chunhe the helpless little boy he once was; now, he stands tall against the prejudice that the world throws at him.

Even after knowing how it ends, it doesn't get easier the second time around.

"There, there," Kazuha coos, gently brushing your head. "It's okay, baby."

"Sorry," you sniffle, "It's just—"

"I know."

She holds you to her chest, letting you sob your little heart out for what feels like forever. For every tear that falls, Kazuha is there with a brush of her thumb or a comforting kiss to pick up all the broken pieces that the movie left you in.

It feels unfair, undeserved, you think, to know such tenderness like it's home. In the original script, the roles would be reversed—Kazuha sobbing into your arms while you comfort her. 

But they aren't. And even in this tenderness that you cherish so deeply, inklings of insecurities that you've long held still manage to seep through.

"Can I ask you something?" you say, wiping away at the last of your tears.

"What is it, baby?"

You breathe, slowly. "Why do you… why do you like me?"

She leans into you, the soft weight of her cheek resting on your head. "Hmm… Well, other guys just suck," Kazuha answers simply.

"Don't you ever wish I was more, uh, 'manlier' or something?"

"Hell no," she grimaces. "Those kinds of guys are the worst. I say one funny thing and they're all like 'Damn, your energy is different, for real!' and it's so annoying! I just have a personality!"

Kazuha holds you tighter, and it becomes clear just how much she wants you over any other guy. "Besides, I like my boys on the softer side." She kisses your damp cheek. "It means they have a soul."

For most, Friday nights meant partying. Bad decisions that'll wash over by Monday. Breaking off the shackles of humanity to get more wasted than humanly possibly. For Eunchae and Kyujin, Friday nights are for breaking out their favorite fluffy blanket—the one with the big wolf on it—and snuggling up on Eunchae's balcony underneath an audience of stars. Every Friday without fail, exactly in their assigned spots: Kyujin, the big spoon, and Eunchae, the little one.

Kyujin snuggles closer, nose pressed against the neck of her lover. "Did you get a new perfume?" Her soft voice sends tingles down Eunchae's spine.

"Nah," she responds. "I did get a new shampoo though. The grocery story ran out of what I usually get."

Kyujin takes another whiff. "It's nice. Strawberry?"

Eunchae nods, her brown hair tickling Kyujin's cheek. Another deep inhale, and all of a sudden, strawberries are all Kyujin can think about. Strawberry smoothies, bagels smothered with cream cheese and strawberry jam, those healthy cereals her mother buy with all those dried strawberry pieces. She couldn't get enough of it.

"Do you like it that much?" Eunchae giggles. "I'll buy it for you next time I go grocery shopping."

"No, no, it's just—"She sniffs right on her scalp"—it's just nice. I can't explain it."

"What shampoo do you use?" Eunchae shifts in her arms, and all of a sudden finds herself counting each individual eyelash lining the top of her cat-like eyes (She got to 10 before losing count).

"I don't know," Kyujin whispers into the narrowing space,"it changes every few weeks."

"It's nice," she guesses. It's hard to focus when her eyes are on those soft lips. Every week, Eunchae makes an effort to try and memorize each crease on them. Long, short, short, that one's a bit longer than the first, and she loses track all over again as the thumping in her ears persists. With legs tangled and arms enclosed, the interior of their shared wolf blanket feels like a sauna, both girls trying to outlast the other in the growing heat.

"My tummy feels funny," Eunchae admits. In response, Kyujin runs her hand underneath her shirt like it's a physical issue she can solve, feeling the way Eunchae tenses under her palm.

"Feels fine to me."

"You're stupid," she says, but her face is all smiles as Kyujin goes higher, higher, dragging against the gentle divots of her abs, and stopping at the hem of her sports bra. "Can't even figure out what shampoo to buy."

"What's wrong with a little exploration?" She teases her nail along the elastic, snapping it gently against Eunchae's skin.

"Nothing, really." Eunchae shifts closer, pulling Kyujin's thigh to her waist. "Are we still talking about shampoo?"

"A subject change would be nice." A soft press against her lips later and strawberries are on Kyujin's mind again. "Strawberry lip gloss?"

"That was a coincidence," Eunchae chuckles. "Do you like it?"

"Hmm, I should try it again just to be sure."

The air fills with the pucker of sticky lips and hushed giggles. Kyujin pulls close, and Eunchae lets her, lost in the headiness of being touched in ways only she would know. Beyond this balcony is nothing; irrelevant. Everything they need is right here, underneath the blanket with the wolf on it.

Eunchae whines. "You're gonna make me wake the neighbors again."

Kyujin has her chest pressed against her lover's back, hand trailing down to the waistband of her sweats. "Don't blame me because you can't keep your mouth shut."

"I'm the one that has to deal with them when you leave." Despite her protests, Eunchae spreads her legs, craving sweet release after such a long week. Another whimper escapes her lips as Kyujin invades her most intimate area with her delicate fingers.

She knows exactly what makes Eunchae tick: the sensitivity of her nipples, the speed she likes to be fucked silly, down to the crescendo of her moans as she approaches her climax. Kyujin gets drunk on the scent of strawberries, hands moving with a mind of their own on the body she's loved a thousand times before. All Eunchae can do is submit to the constant stream of dopamine.

"Shit, fuck," she slurs, vocabulary dumbed down to the essentials. She presses back into Kyujin, desperate to be touched, to be loved, to be fucked by her expert fingers. "God, you're so good…"

"I know," Kyujin smirks. If nothing, she takes immense pride in being able to see her like this—like putty in her hands, undone in all the best ways.

Eunchae turns her head. "Kiss me, please, I—" Her lips are claimed in an instant, moans suffocated by Kyujin's tongue. Against the whistling winds, all that can be heard is the hot stickiness of Eunchae's cunt, barely muffled by the blanket. The melody of their lovemaking is a secret only meant for them; whatever the neighbors argue is up for speculation.

Kyujin slows her pumping, down to occasional swipes against her lover's sweet spot. "I'm fucking starving for you," she huffs, trailing kisses on her throat, down to her soft breasts, lower still until she's hidden under the blanket.

Before Eunchae can even complain about the loss of Kyujin's fingers, her sweats are pulled to her ankles, and a tongue slides up her soaked thighs.

"Oh fuck, Kyujin," she moans, barely keeping it together. Without a kiss to keep her silent, she cups a hand over her mouth; it's all for naught as a flick of Kyujin's tongue against her clit turns her into a siren. Her poor neighbors.

Eunchae's words dissolve into vague grunts of "fuck", "yes", and "right there", her voice climbing up the register to that note Kyujin likes. She eats up her girlfriend's pretty heat, chasing that sound that lets her know she's done a good job, ready to drink up every last drop of her honey.

while i have ur attention, i wanna let yall know about a pretty sick platform called Fanprose!

I won’t be leaving tumblr completely, but I’ll be a little more active over there in terms of the random bullshit that I spew! I have a few fics on there that are “Fanprose exclusive” (I’m too lazy to bring them over) so come check it out :]

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maltijoo, 17:34: hello! sorry for the random question lol i was wondering if u could send me the notes for ap chem?

merkury83, 17:36: who is this?

maltijoo, 17:36: oh sorry LOL its jiwoo, i sit behind u in gardener's!!!

merkury83, 17:40: oh okay

merkury83, 17:41: 4 images attached

maltijoo, 17:41: THANK UUUUU ur a lifesaver lol

maltijoo, 17:41: i'll see u in class tomorrow :)

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1/9

maltijoo, 18:01: heyyyyy, sorry to bother u again lol but could u send me the notes for today? i was soooo lost and ur notes are way more organized than mine lol

merkury83, 18:02: sure

merkury83, 18:02: 6 images attached

maltijoo, 18:03: thank u!! again lol

merkury83, 18:05: np

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maltijoo, 14:37: hey are u still on campus?

maltijoo, 14:38: 1 image attached

maltijoo, 14:38: i found ur student id on the ground!!!

merkury83, 14:53: ah i just got home

maltijoo, 14:56: damn :/

maltijoo, 14:56: i can just give it to u tomorrow during class?

merkury83, 15:01: that's fine

merkury83, 15:01: thanks

maltijoo, 15:03: ofc!!! ill see ya tomorrow :))

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12:45: maltijoo sent you a post.

maltijoo, 12:45: OOPS sorry i meant to send that to my friend lol

merkury83, 12:48: it's okay

merkury83, 12:48: what show is that?

maltijoo, 12:49: heated rivalry!!! have u seen it??

merkury83, 12:50: no

merkury83, 12:50: what's it about?

maltijoo, 12:52: omg it's about these two hockey players on rival hockey teams that end up falling in love :)

maltijoo, 12:52: u should check it out! i'll warn u, some of the scenes are kinda spicy lol

merkury83, 12:52: i'm not really into hockey

maltijoo, 12:55: me neither lol but the writing is SO good and the chemistry between the main couple is so UGH i love it so much

merkury83, 12:56: maybe i'll check it out

maltijoo, 12:57: u definitely should!!!!

maltijoo, 12:57: let me know how it goes lol

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merkury83, 22:12: i couldn't really get into it

merkury83, 22:12: sorry

maltijoo, 22:14: lol it's okay, i understand if its not everyones cup of tea :)

maltijoo, 22:15: thanks for checking it out anyways, i didn't think u would actually watch it lol

merkury83, 22:18: my mom walked in on me while i was watching and we had a very long and uncomfortable conversation about sexuality

maltijoo, 22:18: OMG im so sorry but that's so funny LMAO

merkury83, 22:19: at least i know my mother isn't a homophobe

merkury83, 22:20: lol

maltijoo, 22:21: LMAO

maltijoo, 22:26: what shows do u usually watch?

merkury83, 22:27: i don't really watch tv

merkury83, 22:27: the last show that i really kept up with was Smiling Friends

maltijoo, 22:32: OMG I LOVE SMILING FRIENDS

merkury83, 22:35: really?

maltijoo, 22:36: YESSSSS its so funny

maltijoo, 22:37: my best friend kyujin thinks it looks ugly so she won't watch it with me lol

merkury83, 22:40: is kyujin the friend you meant to send the post to?

maltijoo, 22:42: yup lol

maltijoo, 22:43: i'm the one that got her into heated rivalry, idk if she would've ended up watching it on her own lol

merkury83, 22:45: everyone has their own tastes, i suppose

maltijoo, 22:45: yeah lol

maltijoo, 22:48: im gonna go to sleep, but thanks for checking out heated rivalry!! even if u didnt end up liking it lol

merkury83, 22:50: np

merkury83, 22:50: goodnight

maltijoo, 22:51: goodnight :)

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1/18

22:43: merkury83 replied to maltijoo's story

merkury83, 22:43: what song is that?

maltijoo, 22:50: twilight zone - ariana grande

merkury83, 22:53: thanks

maltijoo, 22:54: np!!!

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1/21

merkury83, 12:07: hi

maltijoo, 12:09: hi! whats up?

merkury83, 12:10: i wanted to ask if you were okay

merkury83, 12:10: mr. gardener was giving you a hard time this morning

maltijoo, 12:12: im okay!! i mean it sucks but ill live :/

maltijoo, 12:13: thanks for asking tho :,)

merkury83, 12:14: okay

merkury83, 12:18: do you wanna talk about it?

maltijoo, 12:20: nahhhh theres really nothing to talk about eneewayzuh :p he was just being a dick, thats all

maltijoo, 12:21: i do appreciate ur concern tho, its very sweet <3

merkury83, 12:25: np

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1/26

17:02: maltijoo sent a post

maltijoo, 17:02: LMAOOO

merkury83, 17:33: lol

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1/30

merkury83, 13:35: i didn't see you in class today, are you okay?

maltijoo, 13:39: awww did u miss me? ;)

maltijoo, 13:40: lol jk

maltijoo, 13:40: i got food poisoning :/

merkury83, 13:41: that sucks

merkury83, 13:41: how are you feeling now?

maltijoo, 13:41: lowkey dying but i think ill live lol

merkury83, 13:41: did u eat something bad?

maltijoo, 13:42: idk, kyujin and i got tacos last night but shes still fine so

maltijoo, 13:42: maybe im just unlucky :,)

merkury83, 13:44: 5 images attached

merkury 83, 13:44: here are today's notes if you need them

merkury83, 13:44: and mr. gardener mentioned that we have a quiz next week

maltijoo, 13:44: OMG thank u so much!!!

maltijoo, 13:44: u really are a lifesaver lol :)

merkury83, 13:45: np

merkury83, 13:45: i gotta go to class, i'll talk to you later

merkury83, 13:46: get well soon

maltijoo, 13:46: thanks!! lol

maltijoo, 13:46: ttyl :)

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2/1

15:35: maltijoo sent you a post.

maltijoo, 15:35: LMAO

15:40: maltijoo sent you a post.

15:43: maltijoo sent you a post.

maltijoo, 15:44: omg this sea otter is so cute im crying :,)))

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merkury83, 20:03: sorry, fell asleep

maltijoo, 20:06: it's okay!!! lol

maltijoo, 20:07: how was ur nap? :)

merkury83, 20:10: okay ig

merkury83, 20:11: my head kinda hurts

maltijoo, 20:12: oh no that sucks :(

maltijoo, 20:13: maybe just drink some water or take an ibuprofen if its bad!!

merkury83, 20:15: sure

maltijoo, 20:23: 2 images attached

maltijoo, 20:24: OOPS SORRY those were meant for kyujin omg

maltijoo, 20:24: i bought this new jacket and i wanted to show her lol

merkury83, 20:27: it's okay

merkury83, 20:28: it looks nice

maltijoo, 20:28: thanks :)

maltijoo, 20:29: i got it on sale too!!! 40% off!!!!

merkury83, 20:33: nice

maltijoo, 20:34: lol

maltijoo, 20:41: how was ur day?

merkury83, 20:41: fine

merkury83, 20:42: hbu

maltijoo, 20:45: it was okay, just went shopping with my mom after school lol

merkury83, 20:47: that's nice

maltijoo, 20:48: yeah lol

maltijoo, 20:53: sorry if im boring u :p

merkury83, 20:53: you're not

merkury83, 20:53: sorry

merkury83, 20:54: just tired

maltijoo, 20:56: didnt u just wake up tho?

merkury83, 20:59: yeah

merkury83, 21:00: i just always feel tired ig

maltijoo, 21:02: aw :(

maltijoo, 21:02: have u tried coffee?

maltijoo, 20:03: not now obvi lol

maltijoo, 20:04: i can grab u a coffee tomorrow morning if u want!! kyujin and i always get coffee together before class

merkury83, 21:07: it's okay, u don't have to do that for me

maltijoo, 21:09: no i insist!!! its the least i can do since u always give me ur notes lol

merkury83, 21:13: okay

merkury83, 21:13: thank you

maltijoo, 21:14: np!!! :)

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2/2

maltijoo, 7:45: 1 image attached

maltijoo, 7:45: coffee delivery!!! lol

maltijoo, 7:45: meet me at the front gate :)

merkury83, 7:48: okay

merkury83, 7:49: omw there

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2/6

maltijoo, 12:31: yo

maltijoo, 12:31: 1 image attached

maltijoo, 12:31: i can see u lol

merkury83, 12:32: lol

maltijoo, 12:32: u should come sit with us!!!

merkury83, 12:32: thanks, but i don't want to disturb you guys

maltijoo, 12:33: omg im literally inviting u lol its okay

merkury83, 12:33: are you sure?

maltijoo, 12:33: yesssss come sit with us come onnnnnnnnn

merkury83, 12:33: okay

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18:49: maltijoo sent a post.

18:51: merkury83 sent a post.

maltijoo, 18:51: LMAOO

18:51: maltijoo liked a post.

merkury83, 18:51: lol

merkury83, 18:54: sorry if i was awkward at lunch today

maltijoo, 18:54: omggg nooo u werent awkward at all!!

maltijoo, 18:55: sorry i shouldve warned u about me and kyujin's energy lol

maltijoo, 18:56: i completely understand if we were way too mcuh lol

maltijoo, 18:56: *much

merkury83, 18:57: you two were fine, i'm just not good at talking in person

maltijoo, 18:57: its okay!!! im not good at talking to people either lol

merkury83, 18:57: u talk to me just fine

maltijoo, 18:57: lol i mean outside of u and kyujin

merkury83, 18:58: but we just met

maltijoo, 19:00: idk u just have a chill aura ig :p

merkury83, 19:01: is that a good thing?

maltijoo, 19:01: yeah lol

maltijoo, 19:01: ur just easy to talk to!!!

maltijoo, 19:01: or maybe i just yap too much lol

merkury83, 19:01: that's okay

merkury83, 19:01: thanks

maltijoo, 19:01: no prob bob B)

2/10

maltijoo, 5:01: good morning!!

merkury83, 5:05: good morning

maltijoo, 5:06: do u wanna meet up before chem to go over the study guide? im not prepared at all for it and its stressing me out ;(

merkury83, 5:09: sure

maltijoo, 5:10: thank u so much!!!!

maltijoo, 5:11: i gotta go get ready lol i'll see u in a bit!!!

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maltijoo, 6:59: im by the front gate, where u atttttttttt

maltijoo, 6:59: my hands are freezinggggg

maltijoo, 7:00: lol nbm i see u

maltijoo, 7:00: *nvm

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2/12

maltijoo, 15:07: 3 images attached

maltijoo, 15:07: OMG kyujin and i found this bunny while walking home!!!!

maltijoo, 15:07: it's so cute im crying :,)

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2/14

maltijoo, 10:57: heyo!

merkury83, 11:15: hey

maltijoo, 11:17: 1 image attached

maltijoo, 11:17: happy valentines day brochacho B)

merkury83, 11:20: lol

merkury83, 11:21: happy valentine's day

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2/17

maltijoo, 19:20: 2 images attached

maltijoo, 15:21: this new boba place just opened up nearby!!

maltijoo, 15:21: it's pretty good, i got an oreo smoothie B)

maltijoo, 15:22: u should come with us next time!!!

maltijoo, 15:22: u seem like a regular milk tea kinda guy lol

maltijoo, 15:23: NOT IN A BAD WAY THO ksdfkjsdanbfk i mean like u would probably like something simple and classic

maltijoo, 15:25: idk sorry lol i think all this sugar is wrecking my brain :p

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16:41: maltijoo sent a post

16:59: maltijoo sent a post

maltijoo, 16:59: omg i thought this was mr gardener at first LMAO

17:02: maltijoo sent a post

17:05: maltijoo sent a post

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merkury83, 19:33: sorry, i was busy

merkury83, 19:36: i prefer mango smoothies over regular milk tea

maltijoo, 19:37: u dont need to apologize at all!!! sorry for blowing up ur phone earlier lol

maltijoo, 19:39: i was actually stuck between getting oreo or mango today lol

maltijoo, 19:42: do u have any plans this weekend? we should go if ur not too busy!!!!

merkury83, 19:50: sure

maltijoo, 19:52: are u sure lol

maltijoo, 19:54: u dont seem too excited about it and id hate to force u to do something u dont want to :/

merkury83, 19:56: no, i want to go

merkury83, 19:56: my head is just hurting, sorry

maltijoo, 19:59: oh im sorry :(

maltijoo, 20:00: maybe u should eat a snack and drink some water

maltijoo, 20:01: sometimes ill be so busy with something that i forgot to eat all day and i end up feeling like garbage later lol

merkury83, 20:02: i'll try to find something to eat

maltijoo, 20:02: do u get headaches normally?

maltijoo, 20:03: maybe u should see a doctor or something

merkury83, 20:05: it's fine

merkury83, 20:09: 1 image attached

merkury83, 20:09: leftover sushi

maltijoo, 20:10: lol is that safe to eat??

merkury83, 20:12: no idea

maltijoo, 20:14: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

merkury83, 20:15: ?

maltijoo, 20:18: dont eat it

maltijoo, 20:18: wait like 15 min or something

merkury83, 20:19: why?

maltijoo, 20:19: just wait

merkury83, 20:20: okay

maltijoo, 20:37: 1 image attached

maltijoo, 20:37: uhhh i think im lost lol

maltijoo, 20:38: which one is ur house? asking for a friend :))))

merkury83, 20:39: what???

maltijoo, 20:39: HURRY im freezing lol

maltijoo, 20:40: i brought snacks!!!

merkury83, 20:42: what

merkury83, 20:42: hold on

merkury83, 20:43: i'll be out in a sec

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2/21

merkury83, 13:21: where are you?

maltijoo, 13:22: SORRY im like 5 min away!!!

maltijoo, 13:22: i couldnt find my jacket when i was getting ready earlier :(((

merkury83, 13:22: it's okay

merkury83, 13:22: i'm just waiting inside

maltijoo, 13:23: ill be there soon!!! sorryyyyyyy

merkury83, 13:25: it's okay, really

merkury83, 13:25: i'll see you in a bit

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maltijoo, 17:38: how much do i owe u for the drink? i forgor :p

merkury83, 17:40: don't worry about it

maltijoo, 17:42: noooo i insist!!! my drink was so expensive :,)

merkury83, 17:45: i don't mind

merkury83, 17:45: it wasn't that much

maltijoo, 17:46: are u sure?

merkury83, 17:48: i'm sure

maltijoo, 17:50: thanks :,) ur very sweet lol

merkury83, 17:51: np

maltijoo, 17:54: i had a lot of fun today!!! lol

merkury83, 17:56: me too

merkury83, 17:56: i don't really go out too much

merkury83, 17:57: it was really nice, being with u

maltijoo, 18:00: awwww wtf thats so sweet <3

maltijoo, 18:02: we should def hang out more often!! even if its just to study or something lol

maltijoo, 18:02: i could use the extra help with chem :,)

merkury83, 18:03: i would like that

maltijoo, 18:05: YEAHHHHH!!!!!!

maltijoo,18:07: 1 image attached

merkury83, 18:09: lol

merkury83, 18:10: thank you again for inviting me out today

maltijoo, 18:12: ofc!!! :)))

maltijoo, 18:13: thank u for the drink!!! i got u next time lol

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2/25

maltijoo, 7:01: good morning!!!

maltijoo, 7:01: 1 image attached

maltijoo, 7:02: kyujin and i are by the front gate!!

merkury83, 7:03: on my way

merkury83, 7:04: did you do something different with your hair?

maltijoo, 7:05: i got a haircut yesterday ehe

maltijoo, 7:07: what do u think? :p

merkury83, 7:10: it's pretty

maltijoo, 7:10: thanks <3

maltijoo, 7:14: kyujin says to hurry up lol

merkury83, 7:15: i'll be there soon

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16:01: maltijoo sent a post

maltijoo, 16:02: aw damn theyre cancelling smiling friends :(((((

merkury83, 16:04: aw that sucks

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2/27

maltijoo, 17:27: buh

merkury83, 17:28: ?

maltijoo, 17:30: ehe hai :)

merkury83, 17:31: what's up?

maltijoo, 17:32: just working on a study guide for math

maltijoo, 17:33: u wouldnt have ms petersen perchance? :p

merkury83, 17:35: i do not

maltijoo, 17:36: damn </3

merkury83, 17:40: do you need help?

maltijoo, 17:42: nahhh i think i got it

maltijoo, 17:44: i just want u to keep me company :)

merkury, 17:46: okay

maltijoo, 17:52: damn bruh what happened to keeping me company ;(

merkury83, 17:58: 1 image attached

merkury83, 17:59: this is your house, right?

merkury83, 17:59: asking for a friend

maltijoo, 18:01: omg ur kidding

merkury83, 18:02: 1 image attached

merkury83, 18:02: i brought snacks

maltijoo, 18:03: wtf ur the sweetest <333

maltijoo, 18:04: ill be down in a sec!!!

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maltijoo, 20:12: thanks again for stopping by :)))

merkury83, 20:15: np

merkury83, 20:16: i'm just happy i could be useful

maltijoo, 20:21: <333

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3/1

13:41: maltijoo sent a post

13:45: maltijoo sent a post

maltijoo, 13:45: AWWWHFJHAKJNAFL

merkury83, 13:48: cute

13:52: merkury83 sent a post

maltijoo, 13:54: LMAOOO

13:59: maltijoo sent a post

14:02: merkury83 sent a post

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3/5

maltijoo, 7:50: ayo are u okay? i dont see u in class

merkury83, 8:12: i'm at home, i don't feel good

maltijoo, 8:15: awww :(((

maltijoo, 8:17: want me to sneak out of class and grab u some meds or something? lol

maltijoo, 8:18: cuz ill do it!!! NO hesitation >:)

merkury83, 8:20: no its okay

merkury83, 8:21: i just need some space

maltijoo, 8:30: just let me know if u need anything okay?

merkury83, 8:32: i will

merkury83, 8:32: thanks

maltijoo, 8:33: get well soon!!

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3/7

17:40: maltijoo sent a post

17:49: maltijoo sent a post

maltijoo, 17:49: OH.

18:01: maltijoo sent a post

18:31: maltijoo sent a post

maltijoo, 18:31: #needthat

maltijoo, 18:32: OHDOFOADNBFJ sorry i meant to send that to kyujin omgkjdasnvjlsns

18:45: maltijoo sent a post

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3/9

merkury83, 2:06: sorry for the late reply

maltijoo, 2:08: its ok!!! is everything alright?

mekury83, 2:11: idk

merkury83, 2:11: i just can't seem to get out of bed

maltijoo, 2:12: why, whats wrong?

merkury83, 2:16: probably just an off day

merkury83, 2:16: i'll be fine

merkury83, 2:17: sorry for texting you so late

maltijoo, 2:18: u dont need to apologize at all, im always here if u need me

maltijoo, 2:19: besides, i can sleep better if i know ur alright :)

merkury83, 2:21: thanks jiwoo

merkury84, 2:22: goodnight

maltijoo, 2:25: goodnight and i hope u feel better soon <3

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3/13

15:29: maltijoo sent a post

15:43: maltijoo sent a post

16:02: merkury83 sent a post

maltijoo, 16:05: omgggg that looks so good, we should try it next weekend? if ur free ofc :)

merkury83, 16:11: maybe

16:29: maltijoo sent a post

17:13: maltijoo sent a post

17:44: maltijoo sent a post

maltijoo, 17:44: lmao

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3/17

maltijoo, 15:29: hey is everything alright?

maltijoo, 15:31: u sat in the back again in gardeners, i didn't get a chance to talk to u at all today

maltijoo, 15:31: i didnt see u at lunch either :(

maltijoo, 15:33: i know ur going through something rn and i wanna give u space like u asked but it scares me when idk whats going on with u:((

maltijoo, 15:36: just text me when u can, okay? pls

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3/22

2:06: maltijoo sent a post

2:14: maltijoo sent a post

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3/25

23:21: merkury83 sent a post

maltijoo, 23:21: hey! how are u?

merkury83, 23:26: i'm okay

merkury83, 23:27: hbu?

maltijoo, 23:28: honestly ive been worried about u like crazy

maltijoo, 23:30: u dont text, u avoid me like the plague, and i have no idea why. did i do something wrong?

merkury83, 23:37: no it's not you

merkury83, 23:37: i'm sorry, jiwoo

merkury83, 23:43: sometimes i just get in these moods where i shut down. i can barely get out of bed in the morning and even the simplest tasks feel impossibly heavy. i know i should've said something to you sooner. again, i'm so sorry

maltijoo, 23:48: its fine, just give me a heads up next time ok? ik im not ur mom or whatever, but i still care about u and i want u to be okay

merkury83, 23:50: okay, i will

maltijoo, 23:51: thanks

maltijoo, 23:55: did anything happen that triggered this? if u dont mind me asking

merkury83, 23:58: nothing specific

merkury83, 23:59: this is just how i am

3/26

maltijoo, 00:01: aww im sorry :((

maltijoo, 00:03: if ur up for it, maybe we can go watch a movie or something soon? im pretty busy this weekend, but im free next weekend

merkury83, 00:06: sure

merkury83, 00:07: i would like that

maltijoo, 00:07: great!! im pretty tired, but if u need anything, just text me, ok? and it doesnt matter what time it is or if im busy or sleeping or whatever, u can text me. ur not a burden or anything like that, ur my friend and i care about u

merkury83, 00:10: i will

merkury83, 00:11: thank you for everything, jiwoo

maltijoo, 00:12: anytime :)))

maltijoo, 00:12: goodnight <3

merkury83, 00:14: goodnight

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3/29

22:12: merkury83 sent a post

maltijoo, 22:14: omggg why are they so mean to pim :,(((

merkury83, 22:15: lol

22:25: maltijoo sent a post

22:47: maltijoo sent a post

23:04: merkury83 sent a post

maltijoo, 23:06: WAIT this song eats omggg

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4/1

maltijoo, 16:48: AH i forgot to return ur chem notebook!!! sorry ;(

merkury83, 16:50: it's okay

maltijoo, 16:51: ill return it tomorrow!!

maltijoo, 16:54: or maybe i can stop by ur house and drop it off :)))

merkury83, 16:59: now isn't really a good time

merkury83, 17:00: sorry

maltijoo, 17:01: oh thats okay! youll just have to spend the night without it ig :p

merkury83, 17:03: u can keep it

maltijoo, 17:04: lolll thanks for the thoughtful gift

maltijoo, 17:05: i dont need ur notes that badly, just come get it tomorrow

merkury83, 17:08: ok ill see u tomorww then

maltijoo, 17:09: is everything alright?

merkury83, 17:10: justbusy sorry

maltijoo, 17:12: okkkk ill see u tomorrow then

maltijoo, 17:15: if u need anything just let me know, ok?

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4/2

maltijoo, 7:10: ayooooooo im by the front gate

maltijoo, 7:11: 1 image attached

maltijoo, 7:12: the weather is so nice today :)))

maltijoo, 7:12: i saw this patch of flowers already blooming!!! i forgot to take a pic tho :/

maltijoo, 7:22: hellooooooooo

maltijoo, 7:23: did u oversleep or something? lol

maltijoo, 7:28: i have to get to class, just text me if u need anything, ok?

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4/3

maltijoo, 9:05: hey are u ok??

maltijoo, 9:05: there's a rumor going around, idk who started it but its really fucked up

maltijoo, 9:07: hello??

maltijoo, 9:10: this better be some sick joke

maltijoo, 9:17: im coming over idc

maltijoo, 9:18: pls text me back

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4/4

maltijoo, 00:38: im so sorry. i shouldve went to ur house that night to drop off ur chem notebook. i knew in my gut that something was off but i didnt want to pry. u would still be here if i had just done something. im so so so fucking sorry.

maltijoo, 00:43: things were back to normal just a few days ago. i thought they were. why couldnt u have just talked to me? i wouldve listened, i wouldve done everything i can do to just to make ur okay. i love u. i wish i couldve told u that in person but i was too fucking scared

maltijoo, 00:49: we were supposed to go to the movies this weekend

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4/6

maltijoo, 14:48: we had an assembly this morning. idk how but i managed to get through it without sobbing. ig this means that its real then. ur actually gone

maltijoo, 14:52: it still feels like ur here. whenever i close my eyes, all i see is u. the u that i see in my mind isnt looking straight at me tho. its always to the side, like theyre hiding something from me. i wish u didnt have to hide so much

maltijoo, 14:53: i miss u so much

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4/15

maltijoo, 13:15: 3 images attached

maltijoo, 13:17: i went to the park today. ive been going on walks a lot more lately just to clear my head. the guidance counselor recommended it. i think shes being overworked these days

maltijoo, 13:20: deep down, i feel so angry. the weather is nice, the flowers are blooming, but i cant enjoy any of it without u. its so unfair. why should the flowers bloom when ur not here to witness them?

maltijoo, 13:25: i think im gonna take a nap. idk why i type these things as if u can read them. id like to think that u are, somewhere

maltijoo, 13:26: goodnight. i love u

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5/1

maltijoo, 4:10: hi

maltijoo, 4:15: ik its been a while. school has been hectic lately, but that doesnt mean ive stopped thinking about u. ur always on my mind in some way, shape, or form

maltijoo, 4:18: i had a dream about u and then i woke up suddenly. maybe ur trying to send me message. it was a nice dream. we were spread out on an endless field of grass with a perfect blue sky hanging above us. i couldnt see u, but i could feel the warmth of ur hand in mine and i knew instantly that it was u. we didnt talk much, but we didnt have to. it felt so real

maltijoo, 4:19: god im about to cry again lol i managed to make it a couple weeks without crying, but here u are, trying to break my streak

maltijoo, 4:23: idk if i ever told u how happy i was with u. u did so much for me even when u were struggling by urself. id give anything just to hear ur voice again. even just a simple reply from u would be nice

maltijoo, 4:25: i dont think ill ever get over u, but maybe thats not such a bad thing. even if ur not around physically anymore, just knowing that i was lucky to meet u fills me with so much joy. ill always cherish the time we had together

You’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re a “nerd” ages ago. Studying isn’t something you necessarily enjoy, but it’s a requirement for securing your spot in the real world, where meaningless titles like “nerd” or “jock” hold no substance on one’s success and only those who truly work hard will stand the test of time. With finals inching ever closer, it’s vital to you that you don’t waste a single second—

“What’s up, nerd?”

A light smack to the back of your head tears you out of the flow state you were in while brushing up on previous study guides from the past year. There’s only one person you know that’s dimwitted enough to still throw out outdated insults like that, almost as if she’s a caricature of a high school bully from those 2010’s movies she claims to hate.

“Bae,” you grumble, “Why are you even here? I thought you said you were ‘allergic to the library’?”

She shrugs, plopping down into the empty seat next to you. “I got bored.”

“Okay.” You turn your attention back to the worksheets in front of you, trying to remember where you left off. “Not my problem.”

“C’mon, man,” she groans. “Let’s do something fun.”

There aren’t many things that threaten the future of your success; most issues can be waved away with a quick favor or a helpful push in the right direction. In fact, you already have the rest of your life meticulously planned out in a journal, complete with potential contingencies and multiple backups in case any problems may arise.

Enter: Bae Jinsol. The physical embodiment of everything that could and will stand in your way. You tutored her once two semesters ago, and you’ve regretted it ever since. Not quite a leech—you’re not that cruel—but her unyielding persistence alone is enough to make it so that giving her what she wants is the only viable solution you have. More often than not, this means hours of time wasted that could be spent towards perfecting your mind to the best it can be.

“I’m really busy right now.”

“What could you possibly need to study for, you’re, like, the smartest person I know.”

You raise an eyebrow at her. “Knowing you, that doesn’t mean much—Ow.”

Bae slaps your arm, her lip jutting out in a pout. “That’s mean.”

You can’t help but grin at her expression. “You’re right, that was mean. I apologize,” you say, making an effort to sound sincere. “Now, I have a lot of work to do, so unless you’re okay with sitting there quietly, I suggest that you go and hang out with your other friends.”

She rests her head against the table, turning to watch you with her endearingly round eyes. “I chose to come here. I’ll stick to my decision like a real man.”

“Whatever,” you chuckle before turning back to the study guide.

It’s a bit difficult trying to study with an audience, but not a scenario you’re unfamiliar with. On the rare occasion that Bae doesn’t consistently bug you with her antics, you find her presence quite comfortable. Sometimes she’ll even ask about what you’re working on and entertain your little rants about discoveries you’ve made or thoughts you’ve been having, asking questions if she doesn’t get something. Her motivation to study is nonexistent, but her desire to understand is glaring.

Although, with nothing to talk about today, she gives you a good five minutes before breaking the silence.

“I’m bored again,” she sighs. “Let’s get boba.”

“What happened to sticking to your decision ‘like a real man’?” you tease.

“I’m a woman, jackass.” She leans into you, obscuring your view of the study guide with her face. “And this woman wants boba.”

The world around you freezes as the scent of her perfume lingers past your nose, igniting memories of warmth and coziness. The first crack in a wall that you worked too hard to maintain. 

“Why don’t you ask Haewon to go with you instead?” you suggest, trying and failing to avert your gaze from those perfect irises, like swimming pools of deep obsidian.

“Because…” A light blush grows on her cheeks. “...I wanna get boba with you.”

The crack in the wall splinters and grows, exposing the weaknesses that you didn’t know were there. Or perhaps, you did know and chose to ignore them anyways, spackling over them with cheap excuses.

You scoff at her, a meager attempt to save face. “You just want me to pay for you. Again.”

“I told you I’ll pay you back!” she exclaims, earning a couple harsh shushes from nearby students. “I’m just a little strapped for cash at the moment.”

“Why don’t you try, I don’t know, actually looking for a job?” Your gaze moves back to your papers, desperately trying to escape this stalemate. “If you’ll excuse me, I have some work to do.”

Bae clings to the sleeves of her sweater, pouting at you. “Please~?”

Despite her persistence, you dare not move an inch, worried that one small movement could be the final crack that topples the wall. Your eyes reread the same line over and over again, hoping each pass will eventually take, but your mind is too cluttered to properly focus. With the gentle tug of her fingers and the notes of vanilla bean gliding past your nostrils, it’s a wonder how you haven’t succumbed to her demands already.

With a huff of her breath, Bae takes your hand in hers, using her final trump card.

“Baby~”

You want to think that, at that moment, the wall came crashing down in a ceremonious fashion, leaving behind a pile of rubble in its wake, a monument to all the effort you put into your future. But the truth is, she tore down that wall months ago—in fact, you can pinpoint the exact moment of its destruction. 

The second you came face to face with her confused expression in that pre-calc class is the moment that sealed your fate, completely changing your perception of what the future could be like for you. That journal you keep, detailing every single miniscule detail of your potential career? You barely got two pages in before turning it into a scrapbook, filling every inch of paper with words, pictures, and keepsakes that remind you of the girl that refuses to give you a moment of peace.

And maybe that’s a good thing. The world could end tomorrow, rendering all of your plans useless. Why spend your last moments with your nose in a study guide when you could be drinking boba with your girlfriend?

“...You’re the worst, you know that?” you utter, interlacing your fingers with hers. Bae flashes you that wide, toothy smile that you can’t get enough of.

“Wow, you’re actually so obsessed with me, that’s insane,” she teases. “Just a single word and you immediately folded like an omelet.”

You haphazardly throw your belongings into your bag, eager to get out of the library and spend time with her. “I’m not obsessed, stupid,” you say,” I’m in love with you.”

“God, you’re so corny.” Despite her deflection, the blush growing on her face betrays her true feelings. She nervously scans the rest of the room before planting a sneaky kiss on your cheek, warm yet fleeting. “I love you too, stupid.”

It was winter when your girlfriend broke up with you.

Five years, down the drain in a quick "I can't do this anymore." Five words more painful that a knife to the chest.

You thought you'd be able to get over here quickly—you had friends, family, a whole support system for you to rely on while you tried to pick up the pieces of your shattered life.

But what good is a support system? You just want her.

You're drunk again for the umpteenth time this week. Your feet drag against the concrete with each step as if your body is using the last of its energy to push you forward. Your phone buzzes violently your pocket—no doubt calls and texts from your friends asking where you are at this ungodly hour—but unless one of those notifications is from her, you ignore them.

Snow drifts from the midnight sky, each tiny flake seeping into your skin and chilling your bones. You should've dressed warmer, especially on a night like this. Hell, you should've done a lot of things. Should've loved her better. Should've listened to her more. Should've been more attentive. Should've this, should've that. The list of your regrets goes on and on in biblical proportions.

You keep walking. Concrete sidewalks give way to mushy patches of grass, and the frequency of streetlights becomes less and less the further you go. The familiarity of the town you grew up in is gone, replaced by the gnarled silhouettes of bare trees. In spite of the cold, your body doesn't shiver anymore. It can't. All that's left of your energy is used to push you forward through the growing pile of snow.

You only stop when the path ahead ends abruptly. When nothing but open air is there catch your next step. A blanket of white clouds your vision until it's all that exists. No trees, no stones, no shadows, just pure white in every direction. In your drunken haze, you half-expect her to appear out of the white, to hold you against her chest and tell you that this was all just a test, which you passed with flying colors. You'd rest your chin against the hollow of her palm like you used to and she'd take you home and caress your neck until this nightmare disappeared forever.

You shut your eyes. You wait. And wait. And wait. Her touch never comes.

It's too late to go back. You can't even tell where back is. Back to your apartment, stained in the memories of waking up together? Back to the bar, where you'll inevitably lose yourself at the bottom of another bottle? There is nowhere for you. There is nothing after her.

Your back hits the frozen ground as the last beats of your heart slowly decay into a dying rhythm. The snowstorm picks up, burying you with it. Your body, the one she had touched, loved, and broken, isn't your own anymore. If you looked into a mirror, you'd think it was a stranger. A sad, lonely, drunken stranger. And that's exactly how you're going out.

It's comforting, in a strange way—no more late nights letting your regrets rock you to sleep. No more crying over what could have been. No more staring at the empty spot where she used to read or growing sick at the scent of cherries. No more of anything,

That's what death is, right? Just complete and utter nothingness.

As the cold envelops your body, that's all you can think about—nothing. You embrace that nothing with open arms.

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After the nothingness swallowed you whole, you never imagined waking up again.

The first thing you notice is the temperature. It's still cold, but after being buried under the snow, anything less feels like a sauna.

Every muscle in your body aches as you sit up, letting you know that, despite everything, you're alive. Shit. Death was always a fickle thing. Maybe you could've jumped instead of simply laying down to die, but there was no guarantee there either.

The endless white that once surrounded is gone, replaced by the soulless grays of concrete walls and the rotting browns of cracked wooden floors. Harsh winds seeped through the cracks of the arched windows lining the walls. Wooden pews strewn about, brittle, forgotten. Nature had already claimed more than half of them, with some being nothing more than piles of decaying wood.

Behind you sits a large cross on top an elevated stage. Even as everything falls apart around it, the cross stays untouched. How poetic, you think. You were never particularly religious, but perhaps your survival would be a sign for change.

"You're awake."

Your gaze shoots to the center of the room where the voice came from. Where nothing once stood, now was someone. The first thing you noticed was her skin—pale and colorless, like the snow that raged on outside. Her hair, like raven's feathers, as was her dress, something simple yet elegant.

"Who are you?" you manage to croak out. You instinctively clutch your throat. Every word feels like sandpaper against your larynx.

She doesn't answer, just continues to stare with those pitch black eyes. There was no warmth in her expression. Or anywhere on her, for that matter. For a second, you wonder if the voice was even hers. Maybe you just imagined it and she was nothing but a statue.

Your quickly proven wrong as she approaches you.

Every logical part of you says you should be afraid—after passing out in a snowstorm, you wake up in this old, abandoned church to this strange and eerie woman—but you aren't. All logic was abandoned the second you stepped into the woods.

She stops and kneels in front of you. A subtle chill emanates from her being.

"Did you mean to come here?"

"Where is here?

"Nowhere." She rises from her spot and approaches the cross, each step echoing throughout the empty church. "It's only temporary. Temporary requires no name."

"Are you… temporary?" you ask.

She doesn't answer.

Her slender fingers drag against the old wood of the cross. Something about her silhouette felt familiarly uncanny, like a stranger you've passed a thousand times without so much as a greeting.

Even in this decrepit place with this strange woman, you could feel no fear. You couldn't feel much of anything, really. Perhaps the cold had numbed your spirit, weakening all sense of preservation. Whether you intended to or not, you came out here to end it all. Whatever the "end" looks like still eludes you.

"You will ask no more questions," she turns to you, "and you will only speak to answer mine. Understood." Her words come out with finality, like there's no space for anything but the answer she expects.

A shiver runs through your skin as she stares at you, unblinking and unemotional. "Fine," you submit.

"Why are you here."

"Because…" Saying it out loud is more trouble than you thought. Because a girl dumped me. What a childish notion. And yet, it's your truth. "…Because there's nothing out there for me. Not anymore."

"And you believe this to be true."

"I… yes."

She doesn't speak for a while, simply pacing slowly across the stage. With each step, you feel the pain your chest continue to grow, the same pain that's been lingering ever since you were tossed aside like trash. Like cancer, it seeped into every fiber of your being, infecting you from the inside until you were nothing but a husk of your former self. Your lungs, your bones, your brain, nothing was yours anymore.

"Why did you do it."

Your gaze falls to the floor. "Do what?" you mutter.

"No questions," she reiterates, eyeing you intensely.

On unsteady legs, you rise to your feet. "I was about to ask her to marry me," you start, the pain in your chest like a knife twisting in your heart. "I had everything planned out. I bought a ring, I booked flights, I invited our friends to be part of it.

Your vision blurs, maybe from the burning pain or the tears, you're not sure. Nonetheless, you continue. "She was everything to me. We promised we'd be in each other's lives forever, but then she… she…"

"She left you." She's in front of you now, crossing all that space in an instant without a single noise. Despite the cloudiness, you could make out the obsidian of her eyes, like infinite blackness that lead to nothing. The woman's pale skin seems almost translucent, but where you would expect veins and irregularities, there was nothing—hauntingly beautiful, like something you were never meant to see.

"She did," you utter sadly. "All the time we spent, all the memories made, they all meant nothing to her. I meant nothing to her."

You feel a gentle hand caress your cheek. Instinctively, you sink into the hollow of her palm, your eyes fluttering shut as the tears continue to fall.

"Are you nothing." she asks.

"I feel like it." The pain in your chest throbs with each beat of your heart. "I'm so… tired."

"It'll be over soon." Her voice, now a low whisper, brushes against your cheeks like an icy breeze.

"We were supposed to be forever. We were supposed to be… forever. We were…"

The woman presses her lips against yours, eating up your words. The pain stops, then shrinks bit by bit. You feel your body growing lighter, surrendering all control. A wave of numbness rises from your toes, your legs, your chest, until all you feel is nothing.

You can't open your eyes, fore you have none. You can't cry, fore you have no more reason to.

You are, simply, Nothing.

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Only until his presence had properly faded did Haewon open her eyes—another one's suffering was over. The list was shortened by one, only for another dozen to take his place.

She walked off the stage and down the rows of rundown pews, donning her hood as she prepares to venture back out into the cold. There would be no time for mourning; that was not her responsibility to bare. Her duties lie elsewhere.