#fyog

one day i’ll release a prequel song to horrifically recontextualise this

PUFF PUFF PASS, OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE PUFF PASTRY

It’s Nat, coming atchu hot with some cooool advice: go buy sheets of puff pastry and keep them in your freezer. GO NOW. We live in Providence (where Stefan’s from) and, though the winter this year is milder here than Chicago (where I’m from), a hearty wintertime snack is always a good idea. The sun was out today, birds were singing, and I was feeling frisky and creative, which leads us to the very versatile puff pastry or VVPP.

Now, you can make homemade puff pastry, and I may venture into that at some point! But for now, I’m gettin’ down with store bought. Trader Joe’s has mighty fine puff pastry sheets for $2.99 - we usually opt for organic/whole wheat/natural/blee blah kinda stuff because we like to not eat garbage. If you want to, that’s your call, but this is what we get. No matter how you wanna do this, as long as you get one good PP in your hands, you’re golden 👌🏼

You can kinda throw anything into a puff pastry which is beautiful, as long as you don’t overload it. This recipe is for a savory snack, but you can easily make this a dessert by filling it with Nutella and bananas, mascarpone and raspberries, or some ol’ fashioned Granny Smith apples and cinnamon! If you get PP with creases in it (the way Pepperidge Farm does it), keep your filling within the middle part and don’t pile it up. It’s food, not student loan debt. You can keep it reeeeal simple or you can slit the sides (see first pic) and overlap them to create a *~fancy braid~* or what I like to call “mummy style”. So let’s get to it:

INGREDIENTS

1 sheet frozen pastry, thawed or chilled in fridge 4 oz goat cheese 3 tablespoons date spread (Fig jam or fig butter is another option) ½ onion, thinly sliced 1 tbsp bacon fat (yes. Absolutely. But if you’re a veggie, try butter or olive oil!) 4 sprigs fresh thyme 1 egg, slightly beaten SAWLT N PEPPUH

RECIPE

ROASTED CARROTS & POTATOES AKA WHAT STEFAN AND I HAVE BEEN EATING EVERY DAY BASICALLY INSTEAD OF POSTING ON THIS BLOG

...but seriously, we’ve been quite busy. And today, on this lovely sunny Sunday, I woke up at 6 am and decided to roll around in bed for the first 1.5 hours of being awake which is the perfect segue into writing a recipe! My almond chai candle is lit and my phone is on do not disturb so LET’S DO THIS

We’ve been doing improv with PIG every week, rehearsals and shows, joining new teams, WRITING SKETCHES which is something I’m super excited to get back into, and general tom foolery. HERE’S PROOF, YA ANIMALS:

WHAT A HAM! Stefan is also in a play called The Dining Room, where he’s playing ten characters, all of them sexy. SPEAKING OF SEXY, let’s get to the recipe, shall we?

It’s springtime here in Rhode Island, which means we are goin’ in heavy on veggies and fresh herbs. We’re getting farm fresh produce like carrots, potatoes, lettuce, onions, and kale around here - can’t wait for fresh berry season! We’ve planted tomatoes, sugar snap peas, basil, PURPLE BASIL, oregano, rosemary, thyme, strawberries, and lavender in big pots around our apartment and on our balcony - here’s our kitchen herb planter that looks like it came off the set of a David Lynch movie:

(seen here: rosemary, purple basil, thyme, and horrifically bizarre nightmares) 

We’re also going to LA in a month, so we’re trying to cut back on FAT ASS BULLGOOF like desserts (*gasps*) and dairy (*weeps*) and chips (*dies*) and eat cleaner. It’s all about feeling good, making healthier choices, and being more active - it’s super easy to come home from work and want to just loaf around before rehearsal or a show, but setting aside some time to do Yoga With Adriene or whipping up a healthy dinner OR WRITING ON THIS BLOG is going to make me feel a hell of a lot better. But I do recognize the heavenly art of laying down eating ice cream with high honor (see what I did there?)

GET THIS STUFF pawtucket farmers market has the baby shallot hook up, btw

This recipe can be customized to your fancy~* since carrots and potatoes are fairly neutral - I’m posting a savory recipe:

“You might say the extra ingredient is salt.”

But you can try roasted carrots & potatoes with cumin, chili powder, and jalapeños for a Mexican twist or coriander, garam masala, and turmeric for an Indian take - I’m partial to adding red curry paste and bell peppers to the mix for Thai style RC&P. SO VERSATILE, SO DELICIOUS. My spices of choice for this particular dish are fresh rosemary, fresh thyme, sawlt ‘n peppuh, garlic powder, and nutmeg. NUTMEG WHAT THIS ISN’T A PIE that’s right, it’s NOT a pie, and it IS nutmeg, and here’s some interesting facts about nutmeg:

1. It’s a spice that grows off of evergreen trees in Indonesia! 2. Nutmeg is known for its ability to relieve pain, soothe indigestion, strengthen cognitive function, detoxify the body, boost skin health, alleviate oral conditions, reduce insomnia, increase immune system function, and prevent leukemia, and improve blood circulation, according to this article I’m reading right now. 3. There’s also that thing where if you eat too much nutmeg, you’ll trip balls.

The only thing I’m tripping balls over is this recipe. Get comfy with the broiler on your oven (NOT TOO COMFY SAFETY FIRST) because broiling these veggies at the end of roasting them is the hottest thing you can do for yourself and for them.

SO HOTTTTTT

The broiler browns the edges more, so you get a caramelization on the carrots and a crispness to the potatoes. Definitely worth it.

OKAY THE INGREDIENTS NOW 12 oz (about 7-8) baby potatoes, quartered 2-4 carrots, chopped diagonally 2 shallots, chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced Olive oil SAWLT ‘N PEPPUH nutmeg rosemary (the fresher the better!) thyme (but it’s fine if you have dried) garlic powder

ALRIGHT HERE’S THE DIRECTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 450F. You’ll need a 13x9 Pyrex dish, or a large metal baking sheet for this recipe. 2. Wash and chop all your veggies, adding to the pan as you go. Chop fresh herbs, if using. 3. Once the veggies are in the pan, add the oil, herbs, and spices. I like to eyeball this part - you know how much salt is too salty. I generally sweep over the pan with spices, and then mix ‘em up and do a finger taste of the oil - then you can go back and add in whatever you’d like a little more of. It’s usually garlic powder for me...can’t go wrong with more garlic. 4. Make sure your veggies are all evenly spread out on the pan and not all pilled up (they won’t roast evenly if your pan is too crowded) and place on the bottom rack of the oven for 20-25 minutes. 5. Move the pan to the very top rack of the oven, stirring around the veggies to make sure they’re not sticking to the bottom. Roast on the top rack for another 20-25 minutes. 6. Fork test your RC&P - if they’re soft, switch the oven to broil and keep that pan on the top rack. The broiler is an open flame and will cook your food super fast so keep an eye out! This part adds all the crispiness and carameliness and makes the waiting so worth it. 7. Remove from oven and try to wait more than approximately .5 seconds before trying to eat this food, like we do - serve it up in a bowl with some fresh grated parmesan and enjoy!

eat up...it’s for your own good...

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of eating a sauce made by me (Stefan) then you’ve probably said “holy shit, this is the best sauce I’ve ever tasted.” And then I probably said “I’ll send you the recipe, it’s so easy!” But then I never sent the recipe, not because I don’t want to share, but because I am lazy. Also, just about every time I make sauce, I do it a little differently, so it’s tough to write a recipe for a thing I never make the same way twice. Now you might already be sick of me bragging about my sauce, but ask anyone who has had my sauce - it’s fuckin good, and not like any sauce out there.  My own mother even said it’s the best sauce she’s ever tasted (for real, I’ll forward you the email if you want proof) and if that doesn’t say it all, well then come over, it’ll be my pleasure to make some sauce for us (seriously, I love to make sauce for people).

This recipe is more a basic, boiler plate tomato sauce, good for pasta, pizza, lasagna, zoopy (just bread dipped in sauce aka the best meal invented). A good jumping off point, which you can transform into your own brand of sauce. So here we go, gonna get SAUCED.

Che bellissimi pomodorini!!!

A lotta markets will sell over-ripe produce for pennies. We got 3 pounds of ripe tomatoes for less than $3 at Market Basket. Ripe means soft (not squishy) to the touch. Now, a lot of people have never made a sauce from scratch, and understandably so - it takes time, which is hard to come by, society being broken and all, but trust me, a little patience and elbow grease will all be worth it when you’re sitting down to a bowl of pasta topped with your nice fresh homemade tomato SAUCE. But if you wanna just use a couple big cans (heh) of crushed tomatoes, by all means, it is a very easy substitute which yields practically identical sauce. But just try making it from scratch once, it’s a nice exercise in patience. So STEP 1: BOIL TOMATOES (what?)

So you can peel em!!!

Bring a pot of water to a boil, and add your tomatoes. The riper the tomato, the quicker they pop - some will pop as soon as you put them in, but some take a little more, in which case you can STAB IT.

Just a little poke and the skin should pop. 

Anyway, as they pop, put them in a bowl or strainer in the sink. Then run them under cold water for about a minute, just to cool them off so you can handle them. Then peel em and throw away the peels. You could probably use the peels for compost or whatever, but I’m not a friggin gardener.

*blushes*

So you got a bowl of peeled tomatoes- great. Now you can chop them or dice them on a cutting board, but that turns into a tomato guts massacre real fast, so what I do is just use kitchen shears and cut em up in the bowl.

bada bing-boom

You get the picture, chop em up until you won’t have any huge chunks, or leave huge chunks if you like a chunky sauce. We’re going to cook this in the oven for a couple hours, so it cooks down anyway. Speaking of which, LET’S START COOKING THE GODDAMN SAUCE ALREADY.

Fry up a medium sized yellow or sweet onion, sliced thinly, in olive oil over medium heat (add some butter if you want some sexual caramelization). Add some salt & pepper, red pepper flakes, thyme, oregano and FENNEL SEEDS. After about 7-10 minutes, add some GARLIC (obviously).

About 5-200 cloves of garlic should do, diced. I’ll even add a couple whole cloves after I add the tomatoes, so you get some nice roasted garlic action too. Add some more of those seasonings I mentioned above, just a touch of each though. Let simmer for about 5 minutes - garlic cooks very fast. Now, we add the tomatoes that we so painstakingly boiled, peeled and chopped.

In case you don’t know what it looks like to put stuff in a thing.

Then all you do is season again - salt, pepper, thyme, oregano, red pepper flakes, FENNEL SEEDS - I keep capitalizing FENNEL SEEDS because they are sauce’s best friend. You might’ve thought basil or olive oil, but no, those are sauce’s sister wives. FENNEL SEEDS are like sauce’s sexy dance instructor who comes over to take sexy baths together. Sexy sauce baths ;)

But anyway, throw in some nice fresh chopped basil, put the lid on the pot, and throw it in the oven at 350° for about an hour. Then take it out, take the lid off, give it a nice stir, then back in for another hour or so. Bing bang, sauce ahoy. Now for some reason sauce always greatly benefits from a night in the fridge. It’s delicious out of the oven, but something real sensual happens with a good night of rest in the fridge. You’ll see. Just trust me. Try some when it’s out of the oven, then try some the next day. Here’s the recipe in plain English. 

PREHEAT OVEN TO 350°

2 cans of crushed tomatoes of 3 lbs of fresh plum or traditional tomatoes, peeled

1 medium Vidalia or yellow onion, chopped

5-6 garlic cloves, diced

2-3 tbs each of dried thyme, oregano and red pepper flakes

4-5 tbs fennel seeds

1 ½ cups fresh chopped basil

1 cup olive oil

a pinch of salt with each addition to the pot

cracked pepper until your wrist hurts

Chop and brown the onion with salt and pepper in olive oil over medium-low heat – 7-10 min

Add diced garlic cloves and stir – 3-5 minutes

***For a nice pot of chicken cacciatore-ish sauce, add about a pound of boneless chicken thighs before the tomatoes and brown them. You can use white meat too, but dark meat just tastes better***

Add tomatoes, then salt, pepper, season and stir, bring to a simmer – 5-10 min

Add fresh basil, stir - 2 seconds

Put LID ON pot, put in oven – 60 minutes (check after 30 min to make sure heat is appropriate)

Take LID OFF, put back in oven – 60-90 minutes, stir every 25-30 minutes

Total cooking time shouldn’t be more than 2 hours and 45 minutes, though a little more than 2 hours usually does the trick,

$WEET POTATO HA$H

Two dollar signs because this meal is so cheap and easy! And hearty! It’s also vegan (not the egg, don’t eat the egg, DON’T LOOK AT IT OH GOD DON’T). We make this pile of starchy goodness probably once a week - it has flavors we love, it sticks to your ribs, and it’s accessible. You can pick up all the ingredients at your local grocery store if you don’t already have them in your pantry or fridge...and you just might!

I just started making this a few months ago. I woke up one morning bright and early and whipped it up while Stefan was still snoozing. It filled the apartment with a rich, spicy warmth, like a hug from Antonio Banderas. This meal is super versatile - you can wrap this hash up in a tortilla, you can eat it with toast, have it for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner! Whenever you want it, SPH is there 4 u.

HANDSOME T.REX SALT SHAKER

HAVE ALL THIS OKAY? OKAY.

INGREDIENTS

2-4 sweet potatoes, depending on how large they are 5-10 fingerling or petite potatoes - I like the blend of purple, red, and white ones they have at Trader Joe’s but you can find these babies anywhere. 10 if they’re reeeeally tiny. 1-2 jalapeños, depending on how spicy you like it 1/2 onion (red is good, too!) Olive oil 1 tsp Ground cumin 1/2 tsp Cayenne pepper 1 tsp Garlic powder 1/2 tsp Ground coriander SAWLT ‘N PEPPUH

Another important factor in this process is your pan! Get yourself a good 9x13 baking dish - (Mom voice) they got good stuff at that TJ Maxx/Homegoods store! Pyrex is a quality product! And get a cutting board while you’re there, too. If you don’t pick a cutting board with grips on the bottom, or you don’t want one, you can wet a paper towel and sneak that under your cutting board for some no-slip action.

RECIPE

1. Preheat oven to 400 F. Arrange the racks so that one is on the bottom and one is closer to the top. 2. Wash and chop up your potatoes into bite-sized pieces - about 1-inch cubes. I leave the skin on my potatoes because I like that oomph of texture and it’s a good source of fiber. If you chop up too many potatoes, no worries - set aside whatever doesn’t fit in the pan in an airtight container and cook them within a few days. When it comes to roasting food, DON’T OVERCROWD THE PAN. Try to keep all your veggies in one layer so the food cooks evenly. It’s a party, not a moshpit, just let everyone mingle comfortably. 3. Chop your onion and jalapeños - don’t touch your eyes! Add to the potatoes in the pan. 4. Drizzle olive oil over the veggies and stir to coat the veggies. Sprinkle your spices over everything (insert salt bae meme) and salt and pepper it up! Stir again to coat everything in spices. Look lovingly at your bountiful creation. 5. Place pan on the bottom rack and roast for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Get ready for the smells. You’re going to hear some sizzling and the potatoes will soften - that means you’re on the right track. After 20 minutes, your babies graduate to the top rack - let them roast for about 5 more minutes - you’ll see some darkening action and this is good news! Fork test them - fork ‘em good. NOT TOO HARD. Just fork ‘em enough to know that they’re done. (if you can easily insert a fork into a potato, you’re all set.) 6. Remove from oven, turn off your oven, and let these babies sit because though they are delicious, they are also hot as balls right now. Make your eggs and toast or heat up your tortillas, or just fill a bowl with some of this goodness and DIG IN. It’s for your own good.

PS: here’s an obligatory runny egg yolk picture for all your sick freaks out there.

stilesbetterstilinski