#funny uncle

Macklin Celebrini: spawns in like a random event Unintentionally steals spotlight by breathing

Meanwhile Paul Bissonnette being a lil shit: "MOVE SIR THE CHILD PRODIGY HAS ARRIVED"

poor Mack → can't walk past a camera without becoming content.

"I just discovered I'm an NHL player and also a public property" phase…

I opted to visit my cousins who live in the same town to hang out since I work for myself and have a flexible schedule. We were interrupted by my Uncle, who after a 10-hour shift beginning at 3 in the morning, walked in and proceeded to rant about Boss Baby and its obscure Glengarry Glen Ross reference. Keep in mind, Glengarry Glen Ross is a rated-R movie from the 90s that he only just saw like, 5 years ago. This began when Cousin and I, both watching Absurd Planet, were trying to deduce what audience they were targeting, because they spoke like they were talking to kids, but made a “settling out of court” reference, and showed a bird tearing out a mouse's guts. (We don’t know either.)

Uncle: who is this for??

Cousin and I: We have no idea. Been trying to figure that out. 

Uncle:  I call it pulling a “Boss Baby”. Do you know what that is?

Me: no…

Uncle: Have you seen Boss Baby?

Me: yes.

Uncle: Do you know the cookie scene?? Where the buff baby tries to take a cookie and boss baby smacks it out of his hand and says “Cookies are for closers”?

Me: I think so?

Uncle: Do you know what they are referencing?

Me: Not a clue

Uncle: Exactly! It’s a Glengarry Glen Ross reference!

Me: What’s that?

Uncle: EXACTLY. Glengarry Glen Ross is a rated-R drama from the nineties. Who’s going to understand that?? What was the point of putting that in there!? What was the target audience???

*Cousin and I giggling.*

Cousin: Dad you need to sleep, go to bed-

Uncle: Like- hold on let me show you. *pulls up the Glengarry Glen Ross scene* see? Who’s going to get that? Who’s idea was it to reference an obscure, R-rated movie from the nineties in a kid's movie? It’s not even a joke most adults understand! That’s what makes funny adult jokes in kid’s movies is when ALL the adults get it, not all the adults get this! “Oh, we should do a reference to Alec Baldwin 'cause he’s voicing the main character.” “What about Glengarry Glen Ross?” “ “PERFECT!” I DON’T UNDERSTAND!

*Wheezing*

Cousin: You’re soaked in sweat go to bed!

Uncle: Why put this in a 2020 kids' movie!? “Dad, what does ‘closer’ mean?”

Me: *through my airless laughing lungs* “It means the end of a meeting!”

Uncle: NO! IT MEANS WHEN YOU CLOSE A SALE!!

*everyone’s rofl*

Uncle: Boss baby is a C.E.O. NOT A SALES BABY! IT’S NOT EVEN THE SAME THING!!! They’re having a company war with the puppies! NOT MAKING SALES! And another thing! Glengarry Glen Ross was about MAKING PROPERTY SALES IN ARIZONA, NOT A COMPANY WAR WITH DOGS! IF THEY WANTED A FUNNY REFERENCE THEN WHERE’S THE JACK LEMON BABY!? WHERE’S THE KEVIN SPACEY BABY!? Because he’s a pervert but that’s besides the point- WHERE’S THE KEVIN SPACEY BABY!?? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!!

*none of us can breathe, all are laughing. My uncle just becomes more unhinged by the minute.*

Uncle: So you have to know who Alec Baldwin is, you have to know he voiced Boss Baby, You had to have seen Glenglarry- Gren- Ray glen- Glengarry Glen Ross and KNOW THE REFERENCE AND THAT ALEC BALDWIN STARRED IN IT! You have to know what CLOSERS MEANS, that’s like- *rough finger count* SEVEN THINGS!! IT’S A 90S REFERENCE! I WAS 10 WHEN IT CAME OUT!! WHAT IS THE POINT!???! THERE’S NO POINT, NOBODY EVEN SAW GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, BECAUSE IT WAS OSCAR BAIT, AND NOBODY WATCHES OSCAR BAIT, BUT OTHER ACTORS!!!  HAVE YOU SEEN ROOM? NO!! NOBODY’S SEEN ROOM, BUT IT WON AN OSCAR!!  NO. ONE. CARES!  *huff, huff, huff….* 

Me: *I’m on the verge of tears, none of his kids can breathe.*