#funny lists

What I Said in the Handshake Line After the Hockey Game Where I Told the Media We’d Win, Sang a Taunting Rendition of the National Anthem, Talked Way Too Much Trash, and Lost Fifteen to Zero

What I Said in the Handshake Line After the Hockey Game Where I Told the Media We’d Win, Sang a Taunting Rendition of the National Anthem, Talked Way Too Much Trash, and Lost Fifteen to Zero | Points in Case Good game, sorry what I said about your mother. Source link

10 Existential Crises and the Essential Oils to Cure Them

The belief that life is meaningless, the end is nigh, and the creditors know where you work — ROSE The fear that the world is crumbling so quickly that there will be nothing but dust for your children — PEPPERMINT Anxiety about the loss of bodily autonomy with age and the decrees of misogynistic politicians — JASMINE The suspicion that we are all just cogs in a hyper-capitalist machine —…

Welcome to Your Hotel’s Meager “Gym”

Use facilities at your own risk. Gym is open 23/7, that missing hour is always a surprise. Wipe down equipment after use with one of the damp napkins placed atop our overflowing garbage bins. Children under 12 are not allowed in the fitness area. If you see someone that looks younger than 12, feel free to ask for identification and if they refuse, please escort them out of the facility for…

Translations of the Inspirational Quotes Posted on Facebook by Denise, a Snowplow Parent of Two Teenagers

Facebook Quote Translation When Denise checks her Facebook feed that morning, she’s sad to see a fellow parent she knows has Covid. She doesn’t want him to be so sick that he misses the braggy Facebook posts she has planned for her daughter’s performance in The Great Gatsby later this week. It’s 9:00 AM, and Denise is plotting to become the next head of the PTA. She plans on using the tools…

Everything at Area 51, Besides the Aliens

Two of the three Paul McCartney clones Last known can of Crystal Pepsi The good batteries for your remote control A Totino’s Pizza Roll that is an even temperature inside and out Bigfoot, Chupacabra, but not Mothman (he’s a real jerk) An IKEA dresser that doesn’t cause a breakup Worn out Blu-Ray of Independence Day with Director’s Commentary Amelia Earhart (not the famous one) The Day the Clown…