#ftslashseptember

Gray wasn’t sure when Natsu had become such a big part of his life. All he knew was that the merman’s constant chatter filled his world with color in a way nothing else ever had. He pulled himself up to the rock sitting as close to Natsu as he dared, and watched the sun’s descent while stealing glances at his friend.

In this light, Natsu’s beauty always left Gray feeling breathless. The reds, oranges, and pinks that decorated his tail and hair were softened by the warm glow of the sun’s last rays, making him look just like a sunset, one that Gray thought might burn him if he ever dared to touch.

He felt drab in comparison, his tail an uninteresting combination of blues and teals, meant for blending in with the darker colors of the Arctic rather than the warmer waters he’d chosen years ago.

“So,” Natsu welcomed him, rubbing his hands in anticipation and studying Gray with a mischievous grin, “What do you have for me today?”

“Who says I brought you anything?” Gray grumbled, glancing at the beach and noticing couples huddling near a large bonfire as they watched the sunset.

“You always do,” Natsu teased, leaning back on his hands and turning his attention back to the beach, as his tail swished around lazily.

“I was going to,” Gray admitted grudgingly, “but the sharks were out today.”

Natsu turned his head, examining him closely for any injuries, relaxing when he didn’t find any, “I guess you’ll just have to sing for me then.”

Gray rolled his eyes at the request. Singing was not something he’d done much of for a long time, memories of his former life in the Arctic a glaring reminder of just how dangerous his call could be. He’d enjoyed it once though, and in a moment of weakness, he’d found a secluded spot and allowed himself one song. It was there that Natsu had found him, drawn by the sound of his voice. Since that day, Natsu had hounded him to sing for him again any time he could.

Gray never had. Even though he was sure he could keep Natsu with him if he did.

“Do you ever wish that you could live on land with them?” Gray looked down at the water, not wanting Natsu to realize how anxious he was about his answer.

“Why would I ever want to do that?” Natsu moved his hand, placing it on top of Gray’s and squeezing gently, “When everything I could ever want is right here?”

“Wh-what?” Gray could feel his ears burning, but he looked up anyway, stunned by Natsu’s confession. He could hear Natsu laugh at his dumbfounded expression, but he couldn’t come up with an appropriate retort.

“You heard me,” Natsu’s mouth curved into a serene smile before jumping into the water, gently pulling Gray by the hand to join him.

Gray submerged after Natsu, heart racing in his chest as he thought about what those words meant.

“Sing to me?” Natsu asked once again, putting his free arm around Gray’s waist and looking up at him with pleading eyes.

Gray laughed at Natsu’s antics but gave in nonetheless, too happy about what was happening between them to give him a hard time. He wrapped his arm around Natsu’s shoulders, pulling him into his chest and moving them in the water in a sort of dance. He sang to his newly revealed lover, pouring all of his heart into the words, and pressing the last one onto lips he’d often dreamed of kissing.

“Ur…I’m worried about Natsu,” he admitted softly when she came to tuck him into bed, and she paused, looking down at him in surprise. Compared to Lyon, Gray was usually more introverted, and if she was honest, she had been surprised that he had gone out of his way to defend another child, especially one that he didn’t know. “It’s so cold out there, and he didn’t have shoes or a coat.” He glanced towards his window, the curtains still open so that he could watch the snow falling outside. It was beautiful, but he knew better than anyone just how deadly it could be as his parents had died while holidaying in the mountains, and he had almost joined them before Ur had found him and rescued him. “I…I want to go and find him.” You found me, I want to do the same for him…

“It’s too late to go out now, especially in this weather,” Ur pointed out softly, stroking a hand through his hair as she guessed where his thoughts had gone as she caught the emotions swimming in his dark eyes as he stared at the window.

“But…”

“If you still feel this strongly in the morning then we can go and look for your friend,” she offered, cutting gently across his protest and Gray hesitated, slightly surprised that she had agreed so easily. Although she had a reputation for helping the poorer kids in the area despite the protest of their neighbours. He stared at her for a moment with narrowed eyes, gaze flicking between her and the window as Natsu’s smile flashed through his mind, and his voice shook as he finally forced it to work.

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Ur replied, and Gray felt himself relaxing at the easy agreement. Natsu…He knew without a doubt that he would still feel like this in the morning, and he nodded his agreement, and she smiled as she saw the determined set to his chin, aware that it would take wild horses to tear him away from this decision now. Stroking his hair once more, she leant in and pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead, smirking at his grumbled protest. “Now go to sleep sweetheart, and no more fighting with Lyon.”

“’ Kay…” Gray mumbled sleepily, aware that she was laughing at his protest and he rolled onto his side, his eyes growing heavy as he listened to her leaving the room and heading next door to speak to Lyon, and his gaze turned once more to the window.

Natsu, please wait for me…

**

  Despite Ur’s reassurances and his best efforts, Gray couldn’t fall asleep. His bed was warm and comfortable, and he was tired, but every time that he closed his eyes, all he could see was Natsu rushing away from him into the cold and snow.

He was out there now.

  Ur had promised that they could go and look for Natsu in the morning, but what if that was too late? Gray could remember the cold slipping through his body, stealing away every bit of warmth, until he was numb and drifting, and then threatening to steal away his breath and more. Ur had saved him, but it had been close, to the point where the doctors had warned her that he might not survive, and he had been dressed for the weather, his parents insisting that he wrap up before they went out that fateful morning. Natsu didn’t have that, didn’t have that tiny kernel of hope that Gray had clung to during those long cold hours, that someone would be looking for them, that someone would come.

He couldn’t wait.

    Glad, that Ur had finally given them separate rooms after he and Lyon had kept bickering, he slipped out from under the covers, shivering as even with the fire banked for the night the chill from outside had crept into the air. It made him move faster, because if it was this cold inside, then what was it like outside now? As quietly as he could, not wanting to disturb the rest of the household for fear that they would stop him, or fetch someone to stop him in Lyon’s case, he dressed in the warmest clothes he could find. Before also finding a spare coat and a pair of shoes which he wrapped in a pillowcase stolen off his bed, knotting the top of it, before creeping to the door.

  Cracking it open, he listened for a moment or two, wrinkling his nose as he heard Lyon snoring loudly from next door. Yet another reason for their bickering when they had shared a room, as the older boy was adamant that he didn’t snore despite Gray arguing that everyone knew he did. There was still a light shining from under Ur’s door, and for a moment he hesitated, if he went to her with her fears, perhaps she would go with him or send an adult to look for Natsu, and it was tempting. It was dark and cold outside, and Ur had always warned them about the dangers of being out on the streets at night. But, she had already said that it was too late and that they would go in the morning, and Gray didn’t want to risk getting caught and having that answer again, fingers tightening on the knotted pillowcase. I’m sorry, he thought, hating the idea that he might be disappointing his guardian, but unable to shake the image of Natsu from his mind.

    Gathering his courage, he crept forward, skirting the creaky floorboard that he and Lyon had discovered and memorised after getting caught too many times sneaking down to the kitchens. Holding his breath as he passed Ur’s door, but there was no sound from within, so maybe she had fallen asleep reading again, which happened quite a lot. Still, he didn’t relax until he had made it all the way past her room, down the stairs, hopping over a couple that had started to creak recently, and successfully reaching the entrance hall. Pausing as he eyed the door, which was his next challenge, as it was a huge heavy thing that was locked and bolted for the night, the keys hanging from a hook just inside. There was no way to get them down quietly, he heard the housekeeper take them down every morning so he knew that for a fact, and if Ur was awake then she would come running.

  However, there was another way and hiking the pillowcase over his shoulder he headed for the kitchens, knowing from their various nocturnal visits that Ms Virgo had a habit of forgetting to bolt the kitchen door, leaving the key in the lock. Unfortunately, she also tended to be up late, and he was on tenterhooks as he darted down the corridor to the kitchen, before reaching the door, and peering through the glass panel. There was no sign of her, and hoping that she was in bed and not just fetching something from the pantry he edged the door open and slipped inside. It was warm in here, the kitchen fire still stoked high and casting a warm glow over the room, and he paused for a moment as he saw the fresh bread buns laid out ready for the morning. Glancing around before grabbing a couple and stuffing them in his pocket, wondering if Natsu had eaten anything but the sweet he’d been able to give him and somehow doubting it. This wasn’t much, but it would be a start until Gray could bring him back here, and…

…and what?

    He paused, as he realised that even with Ur’s reassurances he hadn’t really considered what the next step would be once they found Natsu. Did he have a family? Not much of a one if they were letting the other boy run around in the cold dressed like that. Besides, there had been loneliness with the melancholy that made him think that Natsu had been alone in one way or another for some time. He had been surprised that Gray had defended him, that he had tried to help, and he scowled. He might not know what came next, or what Ur would do.

Could they let him stay here?

Would they need to talk to the authorities?

    Gray didn’t know anything about those kind of things, but he knew that here and facing questions, was better than out there with nowhere to go and gathering his resolve, he marched to the door. Sure enough, the heavy bolts hadn’t been drawn across for the night, and while the door was locked the key was still there, and it opened easily enough, creaking slightly as he edged it open just enough to sneak through. Nothing stirred at the sound much to his relief, and he locked the door behind him, slipping the key into his other pocket, so they had a way back inside without leaving the house unprotected.

  It was freezing outside, and even in his thick jumper and coat, he felt it, shivering as his breath misted in the air in front of him. Lifting his head, he found that he could see all the stars in the sky. It was a beautiful night, and yet it felt to him as though there was something in that sky, something watchful and menacing, and it fed into his worry for Natsu, and he found himself breaking into a run, the pillowcase bouncing against his back.

Natsu, I’m coming.

****

    Natsu’s entire body was growing numb, even his shivering was slowing, and he knew that was a bad sign, but what could he do? No one was going to let him in, and even if he headed for home now, he knew that it wasn’t going to be enough. He shifted, trying to curl up even tighter and squeeze a modicum of extra heat from his hidey-hole only to pause as the movement reminded him about the matches he was clinging to. A Match…He knew that he shouldn’t waste them. They were the only source of income he had after all, but he was so cold, and surely lighting one wouldn’t be too bad, and it might give him a little comfort if not warmth. But did he dare do it? The ache from his injuries had dulled with the cold, and after a moment he cautiously grasped one and stared at it intently. Just one…Trembling he reached out and drew it against the wall, the sound of it igniting deafening in the silent street and his eyes widened with delight as it blazed to life.

   It was bright against the darkness, burning happily and the warmth. It was a tiny flame, but at that moment, it felt like the sun, and he curled his hands around it, desperate for that tiny bit of heat. It was beautiful, and Natsu found his mind wandering until it felt almost as though he was sat in front of an open fireplace, much like the one he and Igneel had once had. They had spent many an evening there curled together, making up silly stories, and it felt to Natsu as though he was really back there, the warmth seeping into his chilly limbs and he stretched his feet out to warm them too. Only to pause as the small flame disappeared a moment later, the fireplace and memory vanishing with it and leaving him with nothing but the burnt remains of the match in his hand and he let it fall.

It was a dream…

   He knew that and yet he couldn’t resist the temptation of feeling that warmth again, and this time there was no hesitation as he reached for another match, rubbing it against the wall with a hint of desperation. It flared easily to life in his hand, and where the flame hit the wall in front of him, it seemed to turn transparent like a window or a veil, and through it, he could see the room beyond it. It was the same as those he had peered at through the windows in previous years, a brightly lit dining room, with a beautifully decorated table and a feast spread out across the surface, and Natsu felt himself drooling at the sight of the fire chicken and roast vegetables, the chocolate cake. Treats he had dreamed of a hundred times, and there sat at the end of the table was his father. Not the monster waiting at home, but Igneel, who was watching him with warm eyes, and Natsu reached out towards him, his fingers coming within an inch of Igneel’s when the match went out, and all he touched was the cold stone of the wall.

Come back…

   Natsu lit another match, and this time when the light sprang into life, he found himself sitting beneath a magnificent Christmas tree. It was nearly as large as the one that dominated the centre of Magnolia at this time of year, and yet it seemed a thousand times more beautiful than that one. This tree was just for him, rich green branches, decorated with hundreds of candles that warmed his face as he stared up at them, glittering against gaudy baubles like the ones he had seen in all the shops for the last few weeks. It’s beautiful. It was nothing like the simple one he and Igneel had put up each year, and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to touch the decorations. Just one touch, but again the match died just before he could even brush them, and it seemed to him as though the lights from the tree rose higher and higher with the smoke, and for a moment he imagined that they were like the stars in the sky above him and as he watched one fell down and formed a trail of fire.

“Someone died…” He whispered to himself. Remembering one of Igneel’s favourite stories about the Star Princess who tended the stars and who would send one falling to earth when someone died, a marker for every soul soaring into the sky to follow and a memorial for those who wouldn’t have any left behind to remember them. Just like me…

   He lit another match against the wall, and this time when the light sprang to life between his trembling hands, he could see Igneel standing over him. Bright and radiant in the light of the flame, a warm smile on his face and love shining in the warm brown eyes that met his gaze. Natsu sniffled and let out a little hiccupping sob, reaching for his father only for the image to flicker and begin to fade as the match spluttered. Desperately he grabbed the remaining matches and lit them all as one, and Igneel was there once more, brighter and stronger than ever and Natsu felt a tremulous smile spread across his face. Igneel…

“Father…Igneel,” he whispered shakily, reaching out with a trembling hand. “Please, take me with you. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to be in the warmth and light with you, I want to be with you.” It was a wish he had made a hundred times or more since Igneel had died, but this time, his father smiled gently before reaching out and scooping him into his arms. His father’s arms were warm and strong. They were home, and Natsu let his eyes drift shut as the feeling washed over him, and a voice whispered his name…

“Natsu…”

****

      Gray had found his way back to where he had last seen Natsu, or at least he hoped that he had, everything looked different at night, and with the snow piling up, everything had taken on a different shape and form as it loomed out of the darkness. Part of him wanted to turn and run home and get Ur to help him, especially as he’d already stumbled into a group of drunks who’d laughed and jeered as he’d bolted from them, skin prickling uneasily. But, it was too late to turn back, and as the snow continued to fall, his worry for Natsu grew, and he hugged the pillowcase against his chest, a talisman against the cold, a hope for the other boy. “NATSU!” He called, hoping against hope that maybe he had stayed nearby and found somewhere to shelter, his voice strangely muffled by the snow. “NATSU?! It’s Gray!” He tried again, but if Natsu was nearby, he wasn’t replying. Or maybe he was somewhere completely different? Or someone else had given him shelter? Gray didn’t know, but he wasn’t going anywhere without at least searching for him.

   Stamping his feet to try and warm them a little, as the snow had started to slip down the edges, leaving his socks and feet damp, the cold starting to bite, he looked around. There were so many ways that Natsu could have gone, and if he chose the wrong one… No, he was going to find the other boy one way or another, even if it took all night and Ur discovered that he was gone before he got home. He winced at the thought of the wrath that would be waiting or him when he got back if that happened but stubbornly stepped forward, picking a direction at random and hurrying forward. He didn’t dare keep calling out, not wanting to risk waking the whole town and getting himself and Natsu into trouble, so he had to rely on his eyes and ears, which were happened by the flurrying snow.

Natsu…

     The first three streets he tried were abandoned apart from an old man who had made a nest of old sacks and crates in the doorway of an empty shop. Snoring loudly as he curled around a bottle underneath a ragged looking blanket and Gray skirted him warily, but his presence went unnoticed. He had turned back to the place where he had met Natsu, and set off along the next street in his search pattern, stubbornly trying to ignore the exhaustion and cold that were settling over him, and the sinking fear that maybe he wasn’t going to be able to find Natsu, or that maybe it was too late.

    This street led further out of the centre, into a part of town that Gray had only visited a couple of times with Ur. Their street was nice, but this one with it’s towering townhouses and new buildings was something else. He almost turned back there and then, unable to imagine Natsu trying to find comfort here of all places, or the other boy finding any kind of welcome here. Even he, in his neat clothes and with Ur at his side had drawn more than one sidelong look when they’d attended a party as guests of one of her friends, and Natsu…

    He was turning away when there was a flash of light up ahead. It was so small and fleeting, abruptly lost against the snow and dark that for a moment he thought that he must’ve imagined it. But then there was another flare of light, this one lasted only seconds too, and then there was a pause before a third flare lit up, and it took him a moment to place what they were before he remembered what Natsu had so desperately been trying to sell that day.

Matches.

“NATSU!” Forgetting all about staying quiet, he rushed forward, almost stumbling over increasingly numb feet but managing not to fall as he strained for a reply. There was nothing, and there was a long pause as he slipped and slid over the snow-covered pavement, until finally there was a burst of light, as though several candles had been lit at once. Or a bunch of matches, his mind corrected, and he realised it was coming from the corner between two of the larger houses, one of the few places on this street that offered any semblance of shelter. The only hope for a small boy with no coat or shoes and nowhere to go.

Natsu…

   He could make out the other boy now, hunched over in that space as though he had been trying to make himself as small as possible, illuminated by the bundle of matches he was clinging to. “NATSU!” Natsu gave no sign that he had heard him, and now that Gray was closer, he could see his face, pale and tinged with blue in the light of the already dying flames, eyes glazed and distant, and a smile that seemed so out of place on his lips as he stared into the flames as though seeing something else. Natsu was speaking he realised, unable to make out the words they were so faint, lost to the drifting snow and sound of Gray’s boots crunching against the snow, and he gritted his teeth and sped up. Crying out as he saw Natsu swaying, eyes drifting shut as the matches flickered out one by one. “NO! Natsu!”

   Gray reached him just as the other boy toppled forward, the spent matches falling from limp hands to land against the ones already discarded on the ground, black lines against the snow. He paid them no mind, because Natsu was limp and unmoving in his hands, and oh so cold, as though Gray was hugging a lump of ice to himself and he shivered in sympathy even as he moved so that he could lean Natsu against the wall, crouching in front of him. “Natsu? Natsu can you hear me?” He asked urgently, patting the other boy’s cheeks, terrified by the paleness and the blue touching his lips and skin. Gray remembered looking like that, and it had been too close, and there was a leaden weight in his stomach as he frantically removed one of his gloves, hissing at the bite of the cold, before placing trembling fingers in front of Natsu’s mouth and holding his breath. It felt like a lifetime before he felt it, the faintest brush of air against his skin, but it gave him hope, especially as he realised he could see the ragged rise and fall of Natsu’s chest against his too thin clothes.

He was still alive… for now.

   Yanking his glove back on, knowing that he wouldn’t do either of them any good if he froze too, he grabbed the pillowcase, fighting with the knot and cursing. Using words that would have Ur descending on him with a bar of soap if she could hear him until it finally yielded to his desperation. Tipping out the contents, he grabbed the coat. “I’m going to put this on you, okay?” He asked, hoping for but not expecting a response, but still disappointed when Natsu remained unmoving, head lolling to the side. The other boy deadweight as Gray manhandled him into the coat, scowling as he realised how much it swamped Natsu, but it was better than nothing, and as soon as it was fastened, he turned his attention to getting the boots on. If the rest of Natsu was frozen, Gray wasn’t sure he had words for Natsu’s feet, shivering as he handled them, eyeing the red and blue mottling with worried eyes, knowing that it was a bad sign before forcing them into the boots. They were too big too, and he had to loop the laces around several times to make sure they wouldn’t fall off, but through it all Natsu was unmoving.

“Natsu?” He tried again, shaking the other boy by the shoulders before tapping his face once more, and Natsu’s lashes flickered for a second, and he whined under his breath before stilling, and nothing Gray did could elicit another response from him. Which meant that it was going to be up to Gray to get them out of here, because even with the coat and boots, Natsu couldn’t stay out here. “Natsu?” He tried one last time, but when there was no reply, he got to his feet and looked around. There was no one in sight, and why would there be? It was late at night and freezing, and everyone that had somewhere else to be would be inside right now, and there was no way he was leaving Natsu alone while he fetched help, sensing that if he did Natsu would be gone before he got back.

   Which left one option, and he looked back at Natsu before moving back to the other boy’s side and crouching down beside him. He had done this often enough with Lyon, but they had both been awake and helping or hindering in Lyon’s case when he wanted to be difficult. Lyon had nothing on Natsu, as Gray struggled to pull him onto his back so that he could carry him, and more than once they both nearly ended up face down in the snow, and it was stubbornness more than anything that had Gray persevering until the other boy was slumped against his back, arms limp at his side. Praying that he wouldn’t drop him, Gray gripped Natsu’s legs and carefully got to his feet, leaning forward a little to stop Natsu toppling backwards. It took him a couple of attempts to secure his hold and steady himself, and Natsu was so damn cold against his back, but he wasn’t heavy, and Gray was abruptly reminded of the bread he had taken, useless in his pocket right now, and he squeezed Natsu’s legs.

“You’re going to be safe now,” he promised the unconscious boy, wishing that he had done something earlier when he’d first seen him, rather than letting him run away. But, he was here now, and even as he staggered a little, worried about dropping the other boy, he was determined to get him home where it was safe and warm, and where Ur would know what to do. “Just hold on a little longer…”

*

   What hadn’t seemed like too long a journey on the way out, felt a thousand times longer on the way back. Gray was cold and miserable, his feet now well and truly frozen as more snow melted and filled them with moisture, and he was shivering hard enough to rattle his teeth now, his warm clothes no longer enough to hold back the cold. He was exhausted too, Natsu might not have been as heavy as he should be for a boy their age – and he knew from lugging Lyon around – but he was dead weight and Gray’s shoulders and back ached, but he didn’t dare pause even for a quick breather, because Natsu hadn’t stirred. Not once, and it was only when his own teeth had started to chatter, that he had realised that the other boy wasn’t even shivering, and Gray knew enough to know that was a bad sign. So he kept going, even as he swore that he wasn’t going to go out in the snow again any time soon, daydreaming of his warm, comfy bed and the fire in the hearth.

    By the time his house finally came into sight, Gray was moving on autopilot, stumbling more and more with each step and only keeping Natsu in place through sheer force of will, and he wasn’t even sure that the other boy was still with him. Unable to feel Natsu’s heartbeat, or hear his breathing, over the ragged panting of his own, and he almost burst into tears at the sight of the house.

“W-w-we’re n-nearly there N-Natsu,” He stuttered out, still hoping for a response and feeling more disheartened than ever when there wasn’t one. The front door was so close, but he didn’t know if anyone would hear him knocking and he had the key to the kitchen door, but those last few dozen feet felt worse than all the others combined, and he all but collapsed against the back door when he reached it. Gritting his teeth, he shifted so that Natsu was caught between his back and the wall, as he fumbled in his pocket for the key, nearly dropping it in the process and having to fight with numb fingers to get it into the lock and the door open. Still, eventually, there was a click, and the door swung open with a louder creak than earlier.

    Gray didn’t care, he needed someone to hear them, to know that they were there. He was frozen and sore, and there were black spots at the edge of his vision, and Natsu was still and silent, and it was too much. He didn’t know how to fix this, and the first tears fell as he managed to get his legs working enough to carry them inside the kitchen, managing a couple of steps inside before he stumbled. This time he couldn’t catch himself, hitting the floor hard, and ending up tangled with Natsu who had no way of catching himself.

   Luckily, or unluckily considering the side of his face now felt like it was on fire, they had collided with the sideboard as they fell. Half a dozen pots and pans toppled over, landing around them with a deafening clang that would be enough to wake the dead. He squeezed his eyes shut, gasping against the cold and pain, reaching out blindly for Natsu as he heard the sound of someone cursing and hurried footsteps, and felt more than saw the light that flooded the kitchen. There was a horrified cry, and someone was shouting for Ur…was that him? He didn’t think it was, and then there were hands on his shoulders, gently easing him over, pulling him away from Natsu, and he stirred, opening blurry eyes just enough to plead.

“H-H-Help N-Natsu…”

****

    Gray was floating, or that’s what it felt like as he shifted, brushing against something soft and fluffy that his sleep-addled mind decided must be clouds. It was warm too, a heat that had wrapped its arms around him and he smiled a little, imaging that he was drifting through a summer sky, somewhere above the clouds with the sun beating down on him from above.

Summer…

Natsu!

   He was jolted out of the pleasant feeling, as memory came rushing back and he bolted upright with the other boy’s name on his lips. Or at least he tried to, barely managing to lift his head from what he now realised was a pillow and not a cloud, before hands caught his shoulders and held him in place. “Let me go, Natsu….” He protested, pushing against the arms, and it took him a moment to realise that someone was talking to him, and another moment to blink. Clearing sleep-blurred eyes enough to realise that it was the housekeeper Ms Virgo who was halfway out of her chair, as though she had lunged forward to catch him.

“…okay, you’re okay…” She soothed, and he blinked at her again before looking around. He was in his room, in his bed, although it was piled high with blankets in way that it hadn’t been when he’d snuck out, and there was a fire blazing merrily in the hearth despite the sunlight streaming through the windows.

“Natsu?” He asked, suddenly terrified as he realised that there was no sign of the other boy. Ms Virgo hesitated for a moment, and he stared at her, noting for the first time the shadows under her eyes, and the fact that she didn’t look as put together as usual. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach as she released him to sit back in her chair and take a deep breath.

“The Doctor and Mistress Ur are with him at the moment,” she said finally, apparently reaching a decision. “I won’t lie to you Master Gray, he’s a very sick little boy at the moment, and…” Gray shook his head, stopping her, not needing to hear the words. He already knew. Remembering his mother still and silent behind him, his father fading away between broken sobs. He knew what the cold could do.

“I want to see him.”

“Gray, you…”

“Please,” he matched her dropping the formality, with a pleading look. Not the one he used to get candied apples and toffee from her, but one of desperation, and she sighed before glancing at the clock.

“You will have to wait for the Doctor to finish with him, and the Mistress will want him to look at you first, and then we will see,” Ms Virgo said, lifting a hand as he immediately opened his mouth to argue that he felt fine, albeit a little tired. “That much isn’t up for negotiation.” There was steel there, and he knew that she wouldn’t be swayed on that point, and he doubted Ur would either, even though he didn’t think there was any need for the Doctor to see him too. Still, he nodded reluctantly and sank back against the pillows, not arguing as she pulled the covers up, unable to forget how cold he had felt.

*

   He must’ve dozed off at some point, because he startled awake when the bed dipped, opening his eyes to find Ur sat on the edge looking down at him with soft eyes. As he blinked up at her, she reached out and brushed his hair away from his face, before cupping his cheek, not saying anything as she studied him intently.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered, the apology creeping out without him intending to, but there was something in her expression that had him on edge.

“I know,” she said finally, brushing her fingers against his cheek. “But you scared me, Gray, I could have lost you again.” He winced and tried to look away, but she didn’t let him. “Next time, come and wake me up. I know what I said, but Gray if you were that worried, you need to tell me.” Gray shifted uncomfortably. It wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation, especially in the early days after he’d come to live with her, and he wanted to argue that he had tried to tell her, but the words wouldn’t come, and all he could do was nod mutely. Not quite a promise, but the most he could manage at the moment and Ur seemed to realise that, looking a little disappointed as she sighed and sat back, although she didn’t remove her hands. “The Doctor says you need to take it easy for a couple of days just to be on the safe side,  but you were lucky, and you seem to be bouncing back okay.”

“...Natsu?” Gray almost didn’t want to ask.

“Natsu is going to take a lot longer to get better, he’s not been well for a long time, and he needs a lot of care and food, to get him anywhere near to full health,” Ur said, voice gentle but making no effort to hide the truth. It had always been one of her rules, after he’d shouted and screamed when no one would tell him what had happened to his parents when he’d first woken up, making himself ill until she’d stepped in to tell him the truth. It had hurt – just like this did – but he preferred it to the not knowing. “But…” He hadn’t realised he’d looked down, or that she had let him this time until his head shot up at her words. “The Doctor says that with time and care, he should make a full recovery, and he woke up a little earlier, enough for us to explain what had happened and where he was, and he was asking for you.”

“He was? Can I see him?” Gray was wide awake now and already trying to push the covers away. “Ms Virgo said I could as long as the Doctor had seen me, and….” He faltered realising he had slept through more than he had realised, and he glanced at the window, startled to find that it was dark outside.

“You slept the afternoon away, but you needed it,” Ur explained, moving to help him with the covers much to his surprise. “You can see him briefly, but then I want you to eat something and then it’s back to bed with you as you need to rest too, and Natsu isn’t going anywhere.”

“Really?” Gray asked, pausing in the middle of climbing out of bed, staring at her with wide, hopeful eyes as he remembered the questions that had hounded him.

“They’re looking into his family situation, but considering the state, he is in and that he was still out on the streets that late at night, it is doubtful he has anyone suitable to return to,” Ur replied. But that wasn’t what Gray cared about, even as a flicker of righteous anger welled in his heart at the thought of Natsu being abandoned or living with someone who wouldn’t care for him. “There will be some questions and other things, but I’ve already made it plain that I would like him to stay here with us, and the Doctor is in agreement, so unless Natsu himself disagrees there shouldn’t be any reason why he can’t stay.”

   Gray flung himself at her, hugging her tightly, missing the surprised look on her face as he buried his face against her as he chanted ‘thank you, thank you, thank you…” under his breath. Natsu, I told you that you were going to be safe. He had made the promise without knowing what was going to happen, and Ur had made it happen without him even asking, and he gripped her tightly, more grateful than he could ever say for this woman who worried about him, but never lied or hid the truth from him. If his eyes were a little damp when he pulled away, then she was kind enough not to say, instead steadying him as he stepped out of bed and wobbled a little, more tired than he’d realised, and he didn’t argue when she draped an arm around his shoulders and guided him to the door.

   Outside, they found Lyon lurking in the hallway and frowning, at least until he spotted Gray and then his face lit up for a moment before he forced his expression into a scowl as he all but sprang at the younger boy. Ur steadied them, as Gray who had been braced for a punch even with her stood there, found himself in a tight hug, tentatively returning it as he realised that Lyon was trembling. “Lyon?”

“You’re an idiot,” Lyon grumbled, managing to sound more petulant than anything, but Gray had learned to hear what the other boy wasn’t saying when they weren’t fighting, and he knew that he had worried the other boy, and he tightened the hug for a moment.

“I’m all right….”

“You’re still an idiot,” Lyon retorted, pulling away.

“Hey…”

“Boys,” Ur chided, but she was smiling, the kind that lit up her whole face and to Gray, it felt as though the world was coming back onto an even keel even though he hadn’t realised it was out of balance. “Gray wants to see Natsu for a few minutes, but then he needs to eat, so why don’t you see if Virgo will bring some food upstairs and you can have dinner together in Gray’s room?” She suggested, and to Gray’s surprise, Lyon nodded and darted away before he could say anything. “He was worried about you.”

“I…”

“You two fight all the time,” she was guiding him forward again, leading him past Lyon’s bedroom and towards her own. “But, you’re brothers, of course, he’s going to worry.” It sounded simple when she put it like that, and Gray nodded, filing it away as something to think about little because there were moments when he had truly questioned if Lyon even wanted him here. “Now, I want to warn you that Natsu might not be awake and I don’t want you disturbing him if he’s asleep as he needs all the sleep he can get at the moment, and he’s not very well, so he probably won’t talk much.”

“I don’t care, I just want to see him…” Gray insisted, shivering as he remembered how cold and still Natsu had been against his back, and Ur pulled him into her side as she opened the door to her room and ushered him inside.

    There was her bed, and beyond it was the small, single bed that she had put in when they were trying to transition him from sleeping with her to being able to sleep on his own, and then into his own room. It had been put into storage months ago after his visits had dropped to once in a blue moon when the nightmares were particularly bad, but now it was back, and Gray’s breath caught as he spied the shock of pink hair nestled against the pillow. Natsu was curled on his side, facing away from them and he looked smaller than Gray remembered, as though he was attempting to disappear right in front of their eyes, and shrugging off Ur’s supporting arm he hurried across to the other boy. Drawing closer he realised that Natsu was asleep, able to hear his breathing, a little too loud – not quite a snore, but rasping – and he flicked a glance back at Ur remembering what she had said about Natsu being ill, before slowing and practically creeping the last of the distance between them as he circled the bed so he could see the other boy’s face.

   Natsu was still pale, but the terrifying blueness was gone, although it had been replaced by an unhealthy flush across both cheeks, and as Gray watched, he shifted uneasily, eyes dancing under closed lids. Someone had bathed him, and the pink hair was brighter than Gray remembered, standing up in all directions, and his fingers twitched, longing to reach out and touch. To reassure himself that the other boy was warm and alive, and here, but he remembered Ur’s warning, and he didn’t want to disturb the other boy. It didn’t stop him from inching closer, eyes locked on the sight of Natsu breathing, his chest rising and falling under the blanket pulled right up under his chin.

Evidence that he was alive.

Proof that Gray hadn’t been too late.

   He closed his eyes, feeling a knot of something uncurling in his chest and he sniffled as he just breathed. He’s going to be okay. He could feel Ur watching him and knew that she would be chasing him back to bed soon and if he was honest, he wanted to sleep again, more exhausted than anything with the proof that Natsu was alive and safe. He opened his eyes intending to tell her that, but instead, the words died on the tip of his tongue, because Ur wasn’t the only one watching him.

Natsu was awake.

    The other boy was staring at him, gaze somewhat unfocused, but there was a spark of recognition in his eyes that drew Gray in, and he inched closer, holding his breath as Natsu’s gaze flickered, darting around before focusing on him. There was a wariness there that Gray recognised, not the same as his, but similar enough that he realised that Ur hadn’t only been talking about Natsu’s health when she had said that it would take time. He smiled at the other boy, moving so that his hands were visible and he looked as unthreatening as possible, remembering how he had punched Lyon once in the early days because the other boy had all but rushed him, and not wanting to share that experience.

“…Gray…?” Natsu whispered finally, voice hoarse and more than a little uncertain.

“Yes,” Gray beamed, relieved to be recognised and he glanced briefly at Ur who nodded before he approached and sat cautiously on the edge of the bed. “Natsu… how are you feeling?” He asked. It wasn’t really what he wanted to say, but he didn’t really know what he wanted to say or if he had the right words, Lyon was always saying that he could put his foot in it just by opening his mouth, and Natsu was still wary.

“Tired…” Natsu whispered around a yawn, before frowning. “…warm?” The way it was a question, as though he didn’t quite believe it hurt, and Gray swallowed. You won’t be cold again, he vowed in the privacy of his thoughts, and he wanted to say it aloud, but Natsu was looking a little overwhelmed, and a little more alert as he looked around, as though taking in the room and the bed that he was on for the first time. Maybe he was, as Ur said he had only been awake for a little while earlier. “…Where am I?”

“You’re at my house.”

“Why?” The wariness was there in full force now, along with a hint of fear and Gray felt hurt for a moment, but he squashed it, remembering what Ur had said. Natsu didn’t have this, or rather he hadn’t, and it would take time, but Gray wanted him to at least know that he was welcome here. That he had a place to call home if he wanted to, just like Ur had done with him those years ago, he realised with a pang, fighting the urge to look at her, aware of her watching over them, ready to step in if needed.

“I came to find you, I was worried…”  He admitted in a small voice.

“Why?”

“Why?” Gray floundered.

“No one cares,” Natsu said it with such certainty that Gray froze for a moment, mouth open, hurting for the other boy. “Not anymore…” Gray filed that away, and he knew that Ur had done the same. Had Natsu lost his family too? Was that why he had been alone? He wanted to ask, but not now, because for all his questions, Natsu was visibly wilting, eyes already at half-mast, so instead Gray leaned forward to catch his wandering gaze.

“I care,” he said firmly, with all the steel that Ms Virgo had, and the gentleness Ur showed him. “I care, and Ur cares…and you’re safe here with us, with me. I promise.” He put every ounce of feeling he had into that last word, and Natsu stared at him for several long minutes, and Gray had the feeling that he was being judged and he found himself unable to move, barely even breathing. There was a fire in Natsu’s eyes, a weight that belied the flush of fever and slight lack of focus in that gaze, and Gray was suddenly terrified of being found wanting, and he nearly leapt out of his skin when a hand grasped him. Natsu’s skin was warm – unnaturally so from the fever- but it was such a far cry from the cold weight on his back that Gray welcomed it, immediately turning his hand so that they were palm to palm, blinking as something crinkled between them.

“I want to believe you…” Natsu whispered, releasing his hand and there was such longing there that Gray wanted to grab hold of him and shake him until he did believe it. But he knew that wouldn’t help and instead he looked at his hand, at the sweet wrapper glistening in his palm. The wrapper of the sweet that he had given Natsu he realised, and he swallowed thickly as he curled his fingers gently around it and lifted his head to meet Natsu’s gaze.

“That’s okay,” he murmured, echoing the words that Ur had said to him a long time ago. “You don’t need to believe it right away, but I will prove it to you Natsu. That you’re safe here, that I care and that you belong here.”