#ftnd

(This is going to be a long one. And with some religious talk sprinkled in, as I am Christian and find a lot of my reasoning and strength to fight in God)

First of all, congratulations on recognizing the damages of pornography! A lot of us men are waking up to the damages it causes, but even still a lot of us are in the dark; whether willingly or unknowingly. Second of all, sorry for not getting to this sooner. I hope that you're reading this (If you do, please send another anon ask, I'd like to know).

Regarding amateur stuff. I understand what you're going through. I think a lot of us try to find some way of getting off while not contributing to the industry. For me it was cartoons and drawings, and is still something that I struggle with. I'd share two insights with you. One, you don't know for certain it's amateur the same way you don't know for certain the "professional" stuff is fully consensual. There's production studios set up to seem like amateur stuff when in fact it's no different from the stuff you're trying to avoid, and the only way you might be able to know for certain is if you were in the room when it happened. Two, just because it might not be gross and exploitative doesn't mean it's not denigrating. That's one of the root problems of porn; it takes a beautiful child of God and turns them into titilating body parts to get you off. No care about who they are or having a relationship, just get your pleasure off or move on to the next set of images. And as a freebie, here's a third insight. If you can't find where the sin harms someone else, the one being harmed is you. You mentioned erectile disfunction, being able to fight that is a good reason in of itself. That's not to say you should be guilty about having a male libido. The libido is a healthy and an important part of our reproductive system. Porn hijacks it and corrupts it for its own use. That's not the libido's fault.

In your subsequent anon message, you mention the need for motivation. I think you know the right track and I'm proud of you for it. If you're looking for motivations and resources to quit, I can't recommend Fight the New Drug or Covenant Eyes enough. Both are companies dedicated to combating porn. FTND is a secular group, while Covenant Eyes is Christian based. Both offer free articles and resources to learn about the costs, hear accounts of victims and fellow fighters, and suggestions on how to quit yourself. Covenant Eyes also offers a paid service that blocks a lot of the bigger porn sites and watches for other material (all run through a VPN to keep things secure). It can be shared via email with an accountability partner (they don't have to pay). FTND offers a similar service for free, but I don't have experience with that. Accountability software is not airtight, but it's a good tool in your arsenal.

A few final thoughts.

1. This is going to be a tough and long struggle. Some studies have found that pornography can be as addicting as crack cocaine. And unlike crack, you don't have to go into an alley and slip a shady figure a hundred bucks for a few grams; you just have to type into the search bar. Chances are you're going to be struggling with this in some form for the rest of your life on earth, just like a recovering druggie or alcoholic. It sucks, but the end result is going to be better. Being able to look upon others as more than the sum and sexiness of their parts but as living breathing individuals is superior to anything porn can offer.

2. As a followup to 1, you are going to stumble. You're going to get complacent, or have a bad day and feel you deserve a break. And when you're finally done, there's a good chance you're going to feel dirty and disgusted with yourself. Be ready to hold yourself accountable, but be ready to forgive yourself as well. Holding it all in is just going to send you into a spiral of hate and self loathing. Repent, be washed clean, and move forward.

3. Neuroplasticity. It's the concept of your brain creating ruts as you repeat similar processes and actions, especially if powerful hormones are released at the time (like those at climax). It's what causes porn to be so addicting, but is also your way out. In avoiding pornography, you create new ruts in your mind. Getting out of the rut your in will be hard at first, but the more you do it the easier it gets over time. Find something you can do when you feel yourself getting into an old rut. It could be a different activity away from the tempting situation, or some mantra to run through and remind yourself what to do (I can recommend some bible verses if you're interested, as well as oddly Bioshock's "A man chooses a slave obeys". That one helped me early on before I got verses to memorize, and I still use it from time to time).

4. Get accountability. The first thing our enemy wants us to do is to go at this fight alone. There's a reason alcoholics anonymous exists. Get someone you can trust to hold you accountable. If you're religious, sit down with your pastor, priest, rabbi, whoever it is. Chances are they will have resources to help you and could be your accountability partner, or failing that know someone who could. And don't isolate yourself from others. Get good relationships with other men and women, especially platonic ones.

5. Cold Turkey. Don't hold anything back, In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that if our eye or hand causes us to sin, we're to gouge and cut them off. I'm not saying to blind and emasculate yourself, but what he was getting at is the steps we should take to fight our sin. If Reddit is a weak point for you and you can't stop yourself from going to subreddits where you can see pornography, you might need to cut Reddit out of your life; or at least off of devices and locations you find yourself tempted. I've deleted Tumblr off my phone multiple times for the same reason; It was a weak point at that time and needed to go. If you hold something back, the problems will not be resolved. It's like continuing to view amateur stuff; you're not eliminating the problem, just using a different flavor of it.

Among the effects of the consumption of pornography are an increased negative attitude toward women, decreased empathy for victims of sexual violence… and an increase in dominating and sexually imposing behavior

A meta-analysis of 33 studies found that exposure to either nonviolent or violent porn increased behavioral aggression, including both violent fantasies and actual violent assaults. 

The Department of Justice and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children both recognize that pornography is an element that adds to the serious problem of sex trafficking.

more detail here (click “keep reading)