#ftmphallo

Taking time to enjoy my last summer pre-phalloplasty. Next summer will likely be stage 2 if everything goes as planned.

MOST EXCITING UPDATE EVER!: I found out last week that my HR office was ill advised. Kaiser Permanente IS an option provided by my employer for 2019. I could not be more relieved! I don’t have a real person on site who handles HR things like insurance, I have to call a national hotline number and talk to someone in a completely different state. For some reasons I see the benefit for this detachment or separation of the department...for specifics like insurance I don’t think I will rely on them in the future. After spending an hour on the phone with Aetna, they bounced my call around to 4 different people and ended by giving me the phone number to their sales team. 🤦‍♂️ They did not have a transgender care specialist or anyone knowledgeable about the details of gender confirmation surgery. They were polite /and respectful. One guy tried everything he could to find out some answers for me but ultimately I am BEYOND grateful that I can continue my care with Kaiser through 2019.

Is anyone post phalloplasty riding their bike? How long into recovery did you feel healed enough to even attempt riding again? I imagine it’s probably not until a year or more post op all stages, but if anyone is open to sharing their experience, I’m curious how long I will have to abandon one of my favorite modes of transportation.

Sometimes I fall down this deep dark phalloplasty-planning black hole. I have 4 months before stage 1 and while I want to know as much as possible, some days it’s all I can think about. I struggle to stay present and I have to force myself to take social media breaks so that I stop obsessing.

While I was waiting to meet Dr. Berli for my consultation, I couldn’t resist taking a selfie. It probably looks silly but I have been actively pursuing phalloplasty since 2014. 4 years ago I got the news that my insurance wouldn’t cover any transition related surgeries and my lifetime savings as a 23 year old wouldn’t even cover a fraction of the out of pocket hysterectomy costs, much less any part of stage 1. I spent the next few years finding a job that had trans inclusive benefits and by January 2017 I got enrolled in with Kaiser Permanente. First step with the new insurance was, of course, submitting WPATH letters. I had to get two sets. One set was for the hysterectomy, another for phalloplasty. This process involved multiple sessions with one of Kaiser’s therapists and an outside therapist who has been involved in my transition since 2009. Let me tell you, those were the most expensive letters in the world but they were my golden ticket so it was worth every penny. My hysterectomy was scheduled for May 2017 but because of stress and overworking myself, I fell ill a week before my surgery date and they cancelled surgery because I wasn’t healthy enough to undergo the procedure. Boy, was I devastated. After so much planning, it’s hard to have a surgery date pushed back, even if 2 months doesn’t sound like a long time...They couldn’t rebook me until the end of July. Laparoscopic hysterectomy with oophorectomy and bilateral salpingo was on July 25, 2017. Minor complications caused a slightly delayed recovery but all in all, it was a much easier recovery that top surgery. After my hysto, Kaiser was able to refer me Dr. Berli in Portland, OR for phalloplasty. Although I was ready to have a consultation ASAP they couldn’t book one until April 2018. So after all the waiting and muddling through the insurance process, I took this selfie on April 10 in Dr. Berli’s exam room. He was extremely personable, informative and answered all my questions. I believe the appointment lasted almost a full hour. He showed me a PowerPoint presentation explaining how he stages the surgeries. His method differs from Dr. Crane and Dr. Chen’s but I’m not sure how it compares to surgeons in other countries. He explained why he prefers to stage the surgery this way and I fully support his reasoning. If anyone has read this far and is researching Dr. Berli I can give you more detail but it’s hard to explain without making this post an even longer novel. Overall I had a very positive experience with Dr. Berli and his staff. He advised me to resume hair removal and he gave me a card for his surgery scheduler. I had begun electrolysis before my consult but one of the surgery coordinators at OHSU advised me to stop and wait until I had confirmation from Dr. Berli that my forearm was a viable option. They explained that I could potentially be wasting my money on the wrong donor site if Dr. Berli recommends ALT for my body instead. A lot of factors like skin elasticity and thickness, body fat percentage and blood flow have to be considered when picking a donor site. While I abided by their recommendation I was frustrated to find out that, yes, RFF is a great option for me and now literally the only thing holding back my surgery date was waiting for hair removal to be completed. Last week I played phone tag with Dr. Berli’s surgery scheduler and after all these years, I finally got a surgery date. Fucking November 30 2018!!!! I kept telling myself a phalloplasty date before 2019 was entirely unrealistic and I couldn’t think that way unless I wanted to be disappointed. Apparently I was wrong! 6 months until stage 1! Let the countdown and insane amounts of planning begin!

When I turned 26 at the end of 2016, I was finally forced to grow up and get my own health insurance. I chose wisely and picked the plan the would cover the highest percent of my medical and hospital costs for 2017. Although I pay a hefty premium, I was able to afford my hysto out of pocket and now phalloplasty is within my means. My biggest fear is now that my body will in some way sabotage me. I’m not sure why I feel this paranoia. I am extremely healthy, I feel like I’m in the best shape of my life, yet I am worried Dr. Berli will find something that will prevent me from having surgery. Maybe it’s because I had a small complication that postponed my hysto….or maybe it’s because I also had some small complications while healing from my hysto. I don’t know. I’m trying not to get too worked up about the consultation this time. The last consultation (in 2014 with Dr. Crane) left me so deflated. I’ll post another update after my appointment in Portland. Wish me luck!

Life right now consists of working and working out as much as possible...Finally getting my fitness routine nailed down. In the past month I have put on 3lbs and gained 4.8lbs of muscle. Trying my hardest to make those lean gains.

Hair removal is well underway! I’m a hairy guy so it’s starting to look pretty funny. Surprisingly no one at work notices.