#ftft

"Okay, today, I hide away

But tomorrow, I TAKE THE REIGNS!"

today was shit but im gonna do some laundry so that tomorrow i will wear blue jeans and my new bcnr shirt (pictured below) and get some chores done

I have lots of them!!

Like Lexa being a horrible cook. There’s going to be one thing she can cook well and that’s, like, Mac and cheese or something 😂

Or Clarke is an atrocious speller. Unless we’re talking French. In that case, she’s flawless. But put her in a sixth grade spelling bee and she’s the first one out. Lexa the writer finds this hilarious.

Lexa secretly loves astrology. She’s never even told Clarke how much she loves it. Like, Clarke is aware that she’s into it, just not how much.

Clarke has been secretly sketching out what she thinks their children would look like for years.

Lexa knows about those sketchbooks even though Clarke has them hidden.

Clarke spent some time in her youth as a flair bartender. She still shows off for Lexa from time to time.

Lexa once got sick after a night of drinking tequila. She can’t even stand the smell now.

This is an elriel centered fic in which all the characters are supernatural creatures in the modern world.

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Chapter 1

Azriel opened his eyes and lied awake in his bed . He could hear the sound of soft breathing from the woman next to him. Then he looked around to find that it was not his bed. Or his room.

He looked at the girl lying next to him. Her face was obscured by her hair. He tried to remember the girl’s name but couldn’t. He didn’t think he would remember it even if he had a gun pointed at him.

He gently eased out of bed so as not to wake her. The sane thing to do would be to leave before she woke up and things got awkward for the both of them. He picked up his clothes from the floor and got dressed. He looked at the girl . She was still sleeping. Azriel quickly made his way in the dim light. He accidentally stumbled. Fortunately she didn’t wake and he left through the door. Azriel squinted in the sun trying to find out where he is. He fished his car keys out of his pocket and searched for his car. He found it and drove home.

Azriel parked his car on the driveway of his house. He put the key in the keyhole and found it was already open.

“ Well glad you could find your way home ” Cassian’s voice boomed through the household as he opened the door.

“Couldn’t you atleast answer your phone? ” Rhys asked as he entered. Rhys stood in the threshold of his house or at least one of his houses.

He went to the living room to find Amren, The headmistress of blood ruby coven ,in a deep conversation with Tarquin, The king of merfolk. Tarquin looked adequately terrified sitting next to the little witch.

Cassian, the alpha of the bloodstone pack, was rummaging through the fridge, how typically werewolf of him . They’re always hungry.

Rhysand ,The leader of stardust vampire coven was casually leaning against the kitchen table.

Whoever said werewolves and vampires were natural enemies should definitely meet these two Azriel thought to himself.

Cassian threw an apple at rhys which he catched with ease.

“ Take a bite, snow white” Cassian joked.

Cassian closed the refrigerator and walked over to Azriel.

“ You have no meat. ” Cass said in a serious voice.

“ why weren’t you answering your phone ?” Azriel turned towards Mor’s voice.

He hadn’t noticed her. She looked pale just as all vampires were. She was standing in the doorway to his study.

Belatedly, he realized he had lost his phone somewhere during the course of last night.

“ I lost it ” he answered. Mor raised an eyebrow at him.

Cassian chuckled before asking “ And where would you have lost it?”. A question which Azriel  ignored as all of them entered the study .Cassian probably knew exactly how Azriel had spent last night. Inside kallias,  Thesan, Helion and Beron were already seated.“ Why are you all here? The last meeting was only three weeks ago. ” Azriel changed the subject just as everyone had seated themselves in his study. All other conversation died out just as he asked the question.

“ you didn’t feel it ?” rhys asked Azriel. “ Feel what? ” Azriel was annoyed. This earned him a lot of curious glances.

He hated to be centre of attention but his siren loved it. His siren practically revelled in the attention. He hated being in the dark. Everyone else knew something he didn’t. It nagged at him. His siren nagged at him.

Just look inside their heads .

His siren wanted to take control of the situation. He was having a hard time controlling the siren.

“ Um.. You’re glowing. ” Tarquin’s voice broke the sirens hold on him .

Azriel looked down at himself. He was indeed glowing. His skin looked ethereal and otherworldly. This was the siren. He told himself just as he always did. Sweat rolled down his forehead as he struggled with his siren.

Azriel managed to smother the siren’s glow. “Someone tell me what the hell is going on. ” Azriel had raised his voice.It wasn’t a request and everyone knew it. It was pure command and probably not the wise thing to do in a room full of Alphas.

“ Stop flashing your head lights, boy. ” Amren snarled displaying a row of really sharp teeth.

“ Last night, around 10:00 we felt a shock wave. Everything supernatural went haywire. ” Thesan finally spoke. Thesan was the leader of gargoyles.

“ Define haywire and who’s we? ” Azriel had too many questions.

“ Haywire as in claws out, fangs bared, wards blown up, involuntary shifting, and extreme aggression. ” kallias answered, the frost giant clearly not happy with the situation.

“ And everything with a hint of supernatural felt it. Even the latent ones. Well except for you ” Cassian finished. Azriel tried not to read too much into it. He probably thought the wave was just another one of his siren’s call.

The last thing he wanted right now was everyone to think he was some special snowflake. His siren was already basking in the glory of being the only male siren.

“ Funny, how the siren was the only one who didn’t feel it. ” Beron, the alpha of Firestone werefox pack said clearly not finding it funny.Azriel had always hated that foxy bastard.

“ It was a summoning, you fools. As precious as the siren thinks he is, he isn’t powerful enough for a spell like that. There was a blood sacrifice involved. And it’s not complete. You probably know who’s the sacrificial lamb ” Amren said without a hint of  remorse. They followed her gaze to the only empty chair.

Tamlin. The alpha of Greenstone pack was absent.

Dead. Azriel corrected himself. There was a chorus of cursing as they realized it. Except Amren. There was no emotion on her face. Sometimes Azriel forgot the little witch sitting with them has lived a millienna and had seen things beyond his imagination. Sometimes he forgot he should be scared of her.

You don’t have to be scared. You can take her. You could take down all of them. His siren’s voice was alluring and tempting.

“ We need to make sure that Tamlin is indeed dead before we jump to conclusions. ” Helion, the sidhe lord said in the most reasonable voice azriel has ever heard him use. Azriel noted the serious look didn’t sit well on Helion’s face. His face was made for playful grins and cunning smirks.

“ Tamlin hasn’t been seen by his pack since two nights ago. I talked to his beta. Tamlin hasn’t answered his phone and they couldn’t track him. ” Mor informed them just as she put her phone in her pocket.

“ So we’re just assuming that Tamlin is dead because no one has seen him in two days and we had some sort magical malfunction. ” Rhysand said to no one in particular. And cue the arguments.

Azriel had never been one to like these meetings. But he had to host them every two months. It was one of the curses of being the only male of his species.  Sirens were not pack creatures and responsibility is not a character you can see in a siren.These meetings took place in his house because it was neutral territory. He condoned violence and his ability to calm anyone made him the best mediator.

It was ironic. How his siren could calm anyone but is a raging fire in him.

Azriel slipped through the door before any of them could notice his absence. He needed to find his phone. He remembered having his phone when he left the club which means he left it at the girl’s house he drove from the morning. It would have helped him if he had remembered her name or her face. He was glad that he at least remembered  her address even though he couldn’t remember anything else about her.

Azriel mentally cursed himself for being careless.

He picked up the telephone and dialed his number.Full ring. No one answered.He redialled. Just as he thought it was a lost cause the call clicked through.

“ Hello ” a melodious female voice filled his ears. It was the sweetest voice azriel has ever heard. Now he understood why his siren was in her bed.

“ Umm.. Hello. Who’s this? ” Azriel asked.

“ you’re the one who called. So, who are you? ” the girl replied in a polite manner. Azriel wondered how he had ended up in bed with someone like her. “ Okay lady this is my phone and I would really like to have it back. Now, if you could tell me the when and where that would be helpful. ” Azriel asked impatiently .

“ Azriel? ” she asked. He groaned in frustration. He had told her his name. He never did that, not even when he his siren had overtook him. Gods, he was getting sloppy.

“ Yes , it’s me. And I would really like my phone back. ” he answered , trying to sound nonchalant. He was lying to himself. Just her voice was enough to wake the siren in him. She stirred something in him. He was thrilled and terrified at the thought of meeting her.

“ It’s in my place” she said softly and Azriel was scared for the poor girl inviting the siren to her house without even knowing the implications of her words. He ended the call without saying anything else.

Next thing he knew he was driving towards somewhere.towards her. He could feel the pull towards her. It was like a tether, luring him in. It felt just as strong as gravity. His siren was overriding him and he was barely hanging on to his sanity. She was driving him insane. Whoever she was. He had spent an entire night with her and he couldn’t recall a single detail. And now his siren is being pulled towards her.He wasn’t a fifteen year old lovesick teenager who loses his head about some girl.

Shit.Alarm bells went off in Azriel’s head. He needed to get a grip on his siren or else.Azriel didn’t get to finish his thoughts as he got pulled over. The situation slammed into him like a ton of bricks. He had been speeding over the limit without even realizing it. He wasn’t even paying attention to the road. All he could think about was the girl. The girl whose name he didn’t remember, whose face he couldn’t recall. The girl whose voice drove him wild. Azriel wondered how could he have forgotten her when he was pulled to her like moth to flame. He wondered if he was the flame or the moth.

He compelled the cops to let him go. Normally Azriel tried to avoid using his power. But today he didn’t have the to reassure his morals. He didn’t want to . All he wanted was her. The woman who he couldn’t remember. He wished he had seen her face when he left in the morning.

Azriel stopped in front of a small house. He already knew she was inside. His siren was humming in excitement. He was still glowing. Azriel counted mentally from one to ten hoping to calm himself. But it was in vain.He stepped out of the car and walked as fast he could to the girls house. His heart pounding in his Chest.

He surveyed the house in front of him. There were two people inside. He could hear their heart beats. The scent of sandalwood and jasmine overpowered everything else. Azriel staggered back. He shook his head and knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal a girl with golden brown hair but he found himself focusing on her eyes. He found himself lost in those tiny specks of spun gold floating in her earthy brown eyes .

“ Azriel ” there was it again, her voice . Maybe he should have let the siren out. Right now he was feeling more like a moth than the flame.

Mate.

The word crashed into his mind like a tidal wave. She was his mate. He had heard about mates. Seen enough of them but he never thought he would have one. He was a siren after all. He’s never heard of a siren having a mate. It went against their nature.

And if she was his mate why didn’t he feel it last night. He should have felt it. This burning need inside him, he should have felt it last night.Even if he was under the siren’s control he would have known. Should have known. Azriel mind was buzzing with so many questions.

“ Do you wanna come in? ” she asked , the perfect picture of innocence. He nodded not trusting himself to answer. He went inside. “ Please sit. I’ll go get your phone. ” she was gone in an instant. He didn’t want her gone.

Damn, he didn’t even ask her name.

Azriel wondered if she felt it too.She was going to be the death of him. His eyes roamed everywhere around the room. This place was totally different from Azriel’s houses.

This was a home.

There were books everywhere. He concentrated on his surroundings. Now that the girl was out of his sight. He could concentrate enough to pick through the different scents.

There was particularly one scent that nagged at him. It was very faint. Just enough for him to make it out. It was very faint. Just enough for him to make it out.

He heard the girl’s voice muffled by the walls and distant. Normal humans wouldn’t be able to hear them. But he wasn’t normal and he definitely wasn’t human.

Someone was crying. Not her though.

Azriel looked at the framed pictures arranged neatly. There was one that caught his attention.It was a picture of three girls laughing. He picked it up. There it was staring right at him. The brown haired girl on the left of Azriel’s mate was Feyre. He knew her to be Feyre archeron. She was dating Tamlin. He had seen her around with Tamlin. Now he recognized the scent. It was Tamlin’s scent.

He tried to recall everything he knew about Feyre.He had never spoken to her in person. He knew she had two sisters. And judging by the girl’s innocent face and kind voice, she had to be the soft hearted Elain archeron.

Elain. He said it in his head savouring her name. “ Elain ” this time it escaped his lips.The name just as sweet as her voice. Azriel thanked the gods that somehow he figured out her name without embarrassing himself. Elain entered the living room. He hastily put the picture back to where it was.

“ Here” Elain offered his phone . He took it from her pale thin hands.He felt electric current running through his veins just as his fingers brushed against hers. He drew in a harsh breath. He collected himself before he did something wrong.

“ You’re Feyre’s sister.” he said it suddenly to fill the silence.“ You know Feyre? ” Elain asked confused.

“ Kinda. I know her boyfriend, Tamlin” what he didn’t add was they didn’t get along well or Tamlin could very well be dead in a ditch. At the mention of Tamlin’s name, Elain’s face lost its brightness.

“ Elain, who’s this? ” a soft voice asked from the bottom of the stairs. He didn’t hear the footsteps coming down the stairs. He was focused on the goddess in front of him. For once, his siren was in agreement with him. They both wanted her.

Azriel some how managed to tear his gaze away from Elain. He stared at Feyre. Gone was the girl with a pretty smile. Feyre’s face was puffed out from crying. Her eyes were red and swollen. Azriel could confirm what happened to Tamlin and she knew.

“ This is azriel. He’s a friend. ” Feyre raised an eyebrow at Elain’s answer.Feyre was staring at him. He knew exactly the moment she realized what he was. Her face hardened in a second.“ Elain, why don’t you make our guest a cup of tea? I’ll keep him company. ” Feyre said.Elain was oblivious to the tension in the room. He smiled at Elain.

“ Tea would be lovely ” Azriel forced the words out. His siren didn’t want her to go. Elain smiled at him and left. He would have done anything for that smile. He would have given up everything he had for her. That thought scared him more than anything else.

“ Leave her alone ” Feyre said in a low voice. Azriel supposed that she intended it to be threatening. He almost laughed at her. She was just a human. She could have known what he was but she was just as fragile as the rest them.

“ What happened to Tamlin ?” he asked Feyre. She took a step back involuntarily. She wasn’t prepared for this question from him. “ Are you a member of his pack? ” her voice was still low. As if she didn’t want Elain to overhear them. Which meant Elain had no idea about the Immortals.

“ No. I’m not a wolf. I’m looking for Tamlin. No one has seen him in two days .” he said.“ Is that why you’re here? ” Feyre asked, her eyebrows raised.

“ Not really ” Azriel answered glancing towards the kitchen.

“ Tamlin’s dead. I found his body near the river on his territory. He was drained of blood and coated in wolfsbane. There was no blood there. Someone dumped his body there.” Feyre answered my question then adds in a more serious tone. “ Leave her out of this. I don’t care what you are. But if you hurt her, I will make you pay. ” Azriel laughed aloud at her threat.

You could just kill her. Just snap her fragile neck. Of course then Elain would hate you forever. His siren was giving mixed signals.

“ What’s funny?” Elain asked as she enters the room with a tray in her hands. She placed the tray on the table and took a seat on the couch.

“ You two are going to just stand there or what? ” Elain asked. “ Actually, I should leave. I have meeting that I completely forgot about. I’m truly sorry about the tea. I promise I’ll make up for it some other time. ” Azriel apologized. He couldn’t remember the last time he apologized to someone. He left ,giving elain a last glance.

His siren practically begged him to stay. That was a first. His siren usually just nagged and tempted him. This was a rare occasion. He needed to get as far away from her as possible.

Azriel dialed Rhysand’s number as he started his car . Rhys picked up on the first ring. “ where are you? ” Rhys’s angry voice greeted him.

“ Tamlin’s dead. His girlfriend confirmed it. She found his body near the river on his territory .” Azriel got straight to the point.

The line went silent for a few seconds, then Rhys replied “ We have bigger problems ”

________

Hi there,

It’s been more than a year since the last time I posted something in here. And it was a sad post, but something I needed to do.

I lot changed in my life in this last year. Really a lot. I did therapy, got medication and it is been just a few days since I took my last pill. I had to take 2 pills a day, one in the morning, to kick my brain for the day, the other for the nights, when I needed to shut it down and get some rest. Sleep was never really a problem for me before this. This – depression – I do believe it now has establish a mark in my life, a “before” and “after” it.

I’m much better now than I was a year back, for sure, but I think that to be 100% OK, or a 100% me again, that won’t happen so fast or so easily. I’ll have to live with this mental disease for the rest of my life. Once in a while I have bad days like of those awful days, but not as bad as it was. I think the way I was living my life leaded me to it. Too afraid to make changes. Too immature to deal with the consequences of my bad acts and decisions. But in this last year I’ve grow the same much I did in the last 10 years before it.

I did not write for months. When I did it was most about what was happening to me. It helped me somehow. When I started to get a little better, like after 3 months of therapy, I was able to think again about these characters in my fics, that are not the same as the show. The show ended in a satisfying way, in my opinion, even though I was not happy about everything. But let’s just say I was in a place that it didn’t matter much.

Today I finished the whole “For The First Time” segment. I used some of the ideas I had since forever and some new too. I wrote more 6 chapters, around 33K words. So yeah, there is more to come than the other 9 chapters. Sometimes I really don’t know where I can find so much to write about them and I do know that this second part of the story has a very different vibe than the first, but I still find it very satisfying to write about them, even if I would be the only person to read it.

And maybe I’ll keep write about them. I do have plans to do so, I just don’t know what is going to happen in my life to give any date. But like I did with the second part of FTFT, if I write something I’ll just post all of it at once, just like Netflix shows :)

My anxiety do not allow me to do it like before, week by week and all of that. I’ll miss to have your reactions at every week, but I do hope you still give me some feedback after every chapter, if possible. I’m still giving the final touches to the chapters, but I’ll post them soon.

I’ll open up my communications channels again. I can’t promise to write back every time, but believe me, I’ll do my best.

I miss #FTFT

Yet another new AU... lol... This one is called: For the First Time Clarke and Lexa have been together forever. Their grandmothers are best friends, their moms are best friends. They’ve been dating since junior high. Then, Clarke abruptly ends their relationship. But not because they’ve fallen out of love. She just thinks Lexa deserves more than she can give at the moment. They don’t tell their families though, because it would break everyone’s hearts. A month or so later, they have to go to a huge family reunion. So, of course, they have to pretend to still be together.