#frey underbridge

He didn’t seem himself when I spoke to him beforehand; he was cold, distant. I suppose my words to him before I left for Ul’dah wounded him deeper than I realized. It was never my intention to hurt him, but it was for the good of us both. He needs someone to follow, someone to shelter and I’m -- not that kind of person. I have my own battles ahead, battles I may not survive, and I won’t have someone getting attached when there’s a possibility that…

Nevermind. I can’t dwell on that.  I can only think of the Hunt ahead, I’m so close to some promising leads.  I’m hoping that by doing this Bounty Call in the Azim Steppe will at least do a fair bit to advance my reputation with the Veteran Centurio. I’m honestly looking forward to it. A good hunt will clear my head after all the craziness in Ul’dah. And it will give me a chance to see if Lorrendor Hauland is really all he claims to be. Not that I doubt his word, but the proof is in the pudding, as the saying goes.

While at the Grindstone, it was a delight to see Frey Underbridge. I hadn’t seen him since we liberated Ghost from her captors, so it was good to hear that she and he were both doing well. I told him about Rae-Hann putting koi in the Gold Court fountain. He promised to feed them when I’m not around, so that’s something of a comfort. I didn’t really have the heart to eat them after Rae went to all the trouble to put them there. I only hope they survive. I told Frey that he, Rae, and I should get together sometime, I find I’ve missed my catte-family and our antics.

I also had cause to chat with a viera by name of Ljara Miret-njer who got knocked out in her second round on the Bridge, but stayed on to watch the rest of the fights. As a warrior, she’s clearly skilled and a little bit frightening, but to talk to she’s also an excellent conversationalist with astute observations. She also very amusingly gave Edgard Beaumont as good as she got once he actually showed up.

When I told him I was leaving for Kugane again in the morning, that I’d just made the return trip for the Grindstone, he offered to take me for a drink so he could say a better goodbye than the last time. I didn’t see the harm in it and it would, as he said, save him from having to make the trip all the way out there again to re-do it.  Had it been anyone but Edgard, it might have been endearing.

Until we got to the Quicksand. Almost as soon as we got there, he started schmoozing an Au Ra woman then had the audacity with me sitting right there to say that he was /tired/ of me. As if I’d been the one flinging myself fruitlessly after him or that I now somehow bored him. The nerve! /This/ was the “better goodbye” he wanted to give me? Idiot.

Not long into his shenanigans, though, Edmond showed up clearly looking like he’d never even made it to bed. He mentioned something about making it to an alleyway before he collapsed in the dirt. I knew I should have stayed with him and ensured that he made it back to the inn. I’m not entirely sure what it was all about, but they began bickering, then arguing, into a full on yelling match. So concerned were they for each other that everything else was forgotten.

Including me.  Some goodbye, eh?

I left.  I went to the Gold Court to check on my koi that Rae-Hann had put into the fountain there, wanting to make sure they were amply fed before I left for Kugane.  Admittedly, I also seethed. I’d been surprised when Edgard had come out to Kugane, it was unexpected, even a bit touching that he would travel so far just for the sake of talking to me. Only for him to turn around and say that he was tired of me. It stung, probably more than I would ever admit to anyone. I was angry.

Lorrendor found me there and I confided in him how I felt about everything. The Beaumonts had not been good friends to me, that much was true. I listened to them and their problems far more than they listened to me and mine. To be used like that, then dismissed, and disregarded -- friends don’t do that to each other. Do they?  Lor said I deserved better and I do. 

So when Edmond tried to walk past with little more than a “Goodbye, forever, I’m leaving. Forget me.” My anger at the whole idiotic situation came to bear. I threw the loaf of bread I’d brought for the fish at him.  I told him I never wanted to see him or his brother again.  And I gave him back the stupid flower he’d given me, if he wanted me to forget him then I certainly wouldn’t be needing it!  He at least had the decency to cry then, to feel somewhat sorry for the bridge he was about to burn. It didn’t stop him from doing it though. 

Maybe he expected me to be some weepy maiden, to cling to him and plead with him to stay.  By every god in the Twelve, was he barking up the wrong damn tree if that was his expectation!  If he wanted to believe everyone had turned their back on him, who was I to gainsay him?  I’d only tried to give him a ridiculous lady’s favor at the Grindstone not a bell or two beforehand, but clearly that meant I didn’t want anything to do with him. That it was fine for him to just pull up stops and leave with no hope of ever seeing him again -- or so he claimed. Gods, he plays the sacrificial lamb card so often and so well.  It’s infuriating.  Maybe someone else will have better luck getting him to appreciate the life he has, instead of the life he feels duty-bound to.  Gods above know that it won’t be me.

It was a short-lived exchange, but by the time it was over Lorrendor had made himself scarce, not that I blame him. While it was no lover’s quarrel it was still infinitely personal and I’m sure he wanted to give us some semblance of privacy and space, in case we decided to talk things out. (We didn’t, because Edmond was too concerned about his own feelings and wallowing in them.)

I was so tired of Ul’dah after all this. I went straight to my inn room, packed my bags, left a note for Lorrendor on where I’d gone, and took myself to the Airship Landing. Surely there was a late-night airship going to Kugane. Thank every god that there was. I bought a ticket without a second thought and waited for them to call my ship to board.

Again, it was Edgard that came searching.  Edgard.  Despite the fact that it’s happened before, it still surprises me. And it enraged me. After all, he’d said he was tired of me, hadn’t he? So why was he even here? I told him as much and probably not in the most courteous tones either.

Edgard became distinctly NOT Edgard in the moments that followed. He was… vulnerable and sincere, heartfelt and genuine. There were tiny inklings of his conceited bluster, but for the majority it was… it almost felt like an entirely different person. 

He apologized, genuinely, for saying he was tired of me. He said he enjoyed my company, enjoyed ME as a person, that he respected me. He said I mattered to him. Edgard has always seemed like the kind of person who didn’t let people matter to him. He said he didn’t want me to leave Ul’dah thinking ill of him, that it would weigh on his heart.

He and his brother are both idiots with a lot of baggage that need to be dealt with and I told him as much, to which he agreed. I still couldn’t fathom what was happening; I felt certain that he and Edmond were both playing some cruel trick on me and that this was Edmond talking and not Edgard. He assured me, though, that it was an emotionally battered and tired Edgard. 

Having severed ties with his brother, he now found himself adrift and uncertain of his path forward. With nowhere to moor himself, he thought of when he came to Kugane to visit me and thought he might go there, even said I could teach him to hunt. He said it with such humility that I found that I could no longer be angry with him. Oschon only knows I’ve said stupid things in my time, as my godfather can always remind me and attest to. 

I told him he was more than welcome to come to Kugane, there was plenty of room at the Stars’ Rest Inn where I was staying anyway. They called for my ship to board, so I took my leave and we said a better goodbye than last time, as promised. He called me Little Blue, as he always does. I told him my name was Aultena.

Naturally, the boor had to rub it in that I’d finally given him my name of my own accord and feigned not to hear it.  So I marched up, pulled him down by his ear and yelled it so that he would remember.  I hope his ear hurts for days as a reminder.  Idiot.