#freesecretsanta

“I just finished my 36 hour shift, Rin. The phone actually startled me at first.” Makoto explained. “I’m surprised to hear from you. I thought you said you and Sousuke were going out of the country.” Makoto remembered saying goodbye to both Rin and Sousuke nearly a week before. The two were off to enjoy a vacation in Australia since they had both been recently promoted in the police academy. Makoto didn’t expect to hear from Rin so soon. “Yeah, we are still in Australia but I got some free time and figured I’d ring you. Sousuke is out like a light right now and I’m bored as fuck.” Rin explained. “Guess I’ve got good timing if you just got off your shift.” “Yes I’m heading home to see my family. It’s been quite a while since I last visited and I’ve missed them.” Makoto said as he walked past the stores on the busy street. He was nearly back to his small apartment. “I’ve got to change and take a bath but afterwards I’m catching a train back to Iwatobi.” “It’s good that you’re taking time for yourself for once Makoto. You’ve always been the team mom of your comrades at the fire house.” Rin commented. “Sometimes you’ve gotta look out for yourself, you know.” Makoto sighed, his mouth forming into a smile. “Yes yes I know. Oh…” a beep was heard from Makoto’s phone and he looked at the screen to see a new voice mail from…his boss! “Hey Rin I’m sorry but I’ve got to check this voice mail I just received. It’s from Luca-san.” “Your boss? He hardly ever calls you so it must be important. Just don’t forget to tell him you really need this vacation alright?” Rin reminded in a harsh tone. “I know you’re their best firefighter but sometimes even the best need a break.” “Thanks Rin. I’ll call you later okay?” Makoto said goodbye to the red haired boy and hung up. As he entered his small, dark apartment, he began to listen to the voice mail left by his boss. “Makoto-kun! I really need you right now! There’s a large fire north of the city at an elementary school! I’ve got everyone here already but we could really use your help! Please get here as quickly as you can. Please!” the message ended abruptly. “Oh no…this is horrible!” Makoto jumped into action, grabbing his keys and his fireman jacket before heading out the door. As he ran down the steps as quickly as he could, he dialed a friend. “Rei! Are you at home right now?” “This is very abrupt, Makoto-senpai, but yes I am. What’s wrong? You sound upset?” Rei asked of him. “I need you to drive me to the elementary school north of town as soon as possible. I’ll explain when you get here.” Makoto said as he ran as quickly as he could towards Rei’s home. Rei only lived a few blocks from him. “Okay, I’ll meet you on the side of the road!” Rei said and hung up. Makoto ran like his life depended on it. Makoto and and few of his fellow firefighters had spoken to the students at this school. They had taught the children how to safely escape the school in case of a fire. Never once did Makoto think that they would be in danger just a few short days after their visit. A honking horn jolted Makoto out of his memories as he looked up to see Rei parked alongside the road. Makoto picked up speed and jumped in. He pointed Rei in the direction toward the school and the scientist took off.

“I’m sorry if I interrupted you working on anything important, Rei.” Makoto said, holding on to the door with white knuckled hands.

“It’s okay, Makoto-senpai. Your job is much more dire than mine is at the moment.” Rei responded, not taking his eyes off the road.

As the vehicle came over the hill, Makoto’s eyes were attracted to the smoke billowing in the air from a small building. It was the elementary school. Makoto had been hoping he was wrong….but too right he was. Makoto saw his comrades already fighting the blaze and several others bringing children out of the smoke filled school.

He leaped out of the car, shouting a quick thank you to Rei over his shoulder before quickening his pace to where he saw his boss.

“Tachibana! Thank god you’re here. I need you in your suit quickly!” Luca pointed at the extra suit in the back seat of the fire engine. “Kato and Reiji are up on the second floor and can’t get past the door. We need your strength to get past!” Luca shouted over all the noise.

By the time Luca had finished his sentence, Makoto was already pulling on his fire proof helmet. His adrenaline had helped him get ready quicker than normal.

“Yes sir. I’m on my way.” Makoto said firmly as he took off for the front door.

Makoto braced himself for the heat he was sure to feel as he approached the building. No matter how many times Makoto had seen a fire and been in a burning building, he never got used to it. It was always terrifying and seemed like something from another world. The way the fire engulfed everything…it was horrible and yet also beautiful in the same breath. Makoto pushed his way through the building, spying the stairs after about 5 minutes. The stairs were a challenge as some of them had already burned away. As he managed to see the top of the stairs after what felt like an eternity, Makoto saw Kato and Reiji standing near a door with a battering ram. They reared back and swung the ram but with no avail. The door didn’t budge.

“Tachibana-san! You made it!” Kato called out as Makoto walked up next to him. “The ceiling has collapsed a bit on the other side of this door. Reiji figured the ram would help but it’s just not strong enough.”

“Try one more time. You’re weakening it with each swing.” Makoto suggested. “Always try once more.” He placed his hands on the back of the battering ram to help. “On my count…”

“One….”

“Two….”

“Three!”

The firemen pulled back and pushed the ram as hard as physically possible and sure enough the door collapsed but only partially at the bottom. Makoto instantly fell to the floor and crawled underneath the hole which was just big enough for him to fit.

“I can hold up the wall! Go get the people inside!” Makoto shouted. He could feel the fire around him beginning to go out of control. He put all of his strength and lifted the wall off of the door, allowing Kato and Reiji to make their way inside.

However, as soon as Makoto motioned them to come inside, the floor below him gave way. Makoto felt a shout come from his throat as he fell fast downward. Kato and Reiji acted quickly, each one catching him by one hand. Makoto’s head was knocked for a loop and has he looked down he could see the two kids Kato and Reiji had been trying to save.

“Kato-san! Reiji-san! Please let me go! Let me drop down! I can get to the kids!” Makoto pleaded. The two boys were looking up at him, tears streaming down their face. They were holding onto each other.

“Tachibana you know we can’t do that! You’ll never make it out!” Kato shouted back. “That floor is hollowed out because of the fire!”

Makoto felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes as he looked at the kids but cleared it up. He had to be strong for them.

“Let me go! Now. Please!” Makoto begged. He met eyes with Kato and his partner stared back. “Please…” his voice cracked.

“Agh fine! But don’t you dare die Tachibana!” Kato shouted as he and Reiji both let go.

Makoto braced himself for the landing on the concrete floor below. The impact was harsh but Makoto rolled forward a bit to lessen the pain. After he adjusted to the darker area with the fire not too far behind, he could see the kids shaking in terror just a few feet from him.

“It’s alright. I’m gonna help you out of here.” Makoto assured them, speaking in the most calm voice he could. Of course, getting out of this basement with the fire covering the only exit left little to the imagination in terms of getting out, but Makoto knew he was determined to save the two kids.

“Come here.” Makoto motioned them and they complied. He took off his jacket and placed it over the two of them. It was more than large enough to protect them both from the flames. “Are you ready? We’re going to run, okay?”

The two boys both nodded and held hands. The taller boy grabbed Makoto’s hand. Makoto jumped in surprise at how small and cold he was.

At the count of three, they took off, making their way through the billowing smoke coming from underneath the closed basement door. Makoto reared back his foot and kicked the entry open. Flames immediately were pulled towards them and Makoto protected the children with his body. He could feel the fire burning his skin and his lungs. It was the worst he had ever felt in his life. He ignored his pain. The children were screaming behind him and the taller boy’s hand had tightened the grip on Makoto’s. They continued to walk through the fire, a small path laid out from a higher power Makoto figured, creating a way to get to the exit.

Suddenly the building began to shake and Makoto realized the second story was getting too heavy from the water being used to put out the fire. It was going to collapse and it was gonna happen soon.

And as Makoto took one last look at the children, and turned to try to get out of the home, he suddenly blacked out.

****

“Hey hey! Makoto-chan is awake! He’s awake everyone!!”

The voice piercing through the air Makoto instantly recognized as Nagisa, another of his high school friends. Makoto felt like he was under tons of pounds of bricks. It was so loud and he couldn’t really see anything though he had his eyes opened. The light was so bright; it overwhelmed his senses.

“Nagisa-kun you’re in a hospital.” Rei said, almost as if he was speaking to a child. “There’s no need for shouting here.”

As Makoto’s sight finally adjusted to the light, he could see four people standing in front of him.

“Geez, Makoto, you gave us a heart attack.” Rin groaned with a hint of sarcasm. “How many times have I told you to think of yourself first?”

“Rin…” Makoto struggled, looking at the red haired man. He didn’t recognize his own voice. It was so gruff and dry. “W-what happened? I…” He had no recent memories. Everything was black.

Nagisa grabbed Makoto’s hand, gently and with more care this time. “You don’t remember anything Makoto-chan?”

Makoto tried to shake his head but realized he couldn’t move. There was a brace around his neck. The boy hadn’t even realized everything that was on him. IV meds, a brace on both of his arms, and a brace on his right knee, most of his face covered in bandages….what was going on?

“You don’t remember the fire at the elementary school?” Sousuke questioned. Makoto focused more and saw the stern faced man leaning near the window with his arms crossed. “You tried to save some kids and as you were on your way out, the second story collapsed inward.” Rin was suddenly at Sousuke’s side.

“Shut up Sousuke, he doesn’t need to know now.” Rin hissed, obviously annoyed.

Sousuke stood and walked past him. “Unfortunately he does need to know and hiding it from him only makes it worse.” The man, still dressed in his policeman uniform, came up next to Makoto. In a fashion unlike his usual self, put his hand on top of Makoto’s. “Makoto…those kids died in that day. The wall from the floor above landed on them and crushed them. Along with your right hand and your right knee.”

***

Makoto had been allowed to leave the hospital after about a two months. He was almost fully healed other than his hand, his knee, and some burns on his face. But he was living in a fog. The fire station had let him off to recover completely and hadn’t required him to come back in any specific time. His mother, father, and two younger siblings had come to visit him, but had already returned to Iwatobi.

The boy stared at himself in the mirror, trying to tie his tie with only one hand but it hadn’t been working. Makoto threw the tie to the floor in disgust and looked back into the mirror. Dark black bags under his eyes stood out and he just looked exhausted. Sleep had all but deserted him. The nightmares kept him awake every night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw those two children. He knew he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for what happened.

Makoto adjusted his tux. It was stiff and form fitting. Makoto hated it but knew he needed to do this. The wake for the two boys was today, just a mere mile from his home. It wouldn’t be right for him not to go. He had forced himself out of bed for the first time in a long time. Makoto made his way out of his home and pulled on his jacket outside. It was warm but Makoto wanted to cover himself. He didn’t want to be recognized there.

The walk was surprisingly short and the line was long. The wake was being held in the parents’ home. After waiting in line for nearly 20 minutes, Makoto was near the front. All he wanted to do was pay his respects and leave. Maybe his heart would lighten a bit and he could move on. That was all he hoped for.

“It’s you…”

Makoto heard a female’s voice behind him. It sounded imposing but soft at the same time.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” The same voice screeched through the otherwise quiet night. People began gasping as Makoto turned around to see a long brown haired woman looking at him. Her eyes were full of tears and she was completely irate. “You, the so called hero of our city…the best fireman who ever worked for the station, let my children die!” Makoto’s eyes widen with the realization of who he was looking at.

It was the two boys’ mother.

“No…I…didn’t…I….” Makoto couldn’t form a coherent sentence.

“Give me back my children!!” The woman screamed so loudly her voice cracked. She grabbed Makoto violently on his injured arm, yanking it as hard as she could. “Give my children back to me!! They shouldn’t have had to die!” She began sobbing uncontrollably. “You should’ve died instead of my children!!”

Makoto suddenly felt ringing in his ears. All sound disappeared. It was as if his soul was leaving his body. Around him other people began pulling the children’s mother off of him. His hand was bleeding from where she had pulled off his bandages. Makoto tried to block out everything…he tried so hard to focus but too much was happening he couldn’t take it anymore.

He screamed.

So loudly did he scream.

The crowd stared at him and even the mother looked up at him.

Within in a instant, Makoto took off running, holding his injured arm to his body. He ran and ran, not knowing where he was going and ignoring the pain of his right leg. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to change everything that had happened in the past three months. All he wanted to do was rewind time and just erase everything so he could bring back those two children. Makoto’s breath was heavy and he was winded by the time he stopped running. He hadn’t been paying attention at all. As he adjusted to his surroundings, he realized he was on the peak over looking the ocean. The area was so quiet and so peaceful in comparison to where he had just left. Makoto could hear the waves clashing with the rocks below.

“This world…” Makoto said out loud, his voice weak and dry. “….is so rotten.” Makoto looked up at the sky to see a full moon. The stars were glowing brightly and he could hear birds in the trees behind him. “But it’s also so beautiful.”

Before Makoto realized it, he was standing just on the edge of the cliff looking down at the rocks and waves.

’You should’ve died instead of my children!’

The mother’s voice echoed in his mind. She wasn’t wrong. Makoto felt he should’ve tried harder. He didn’t and those children paid with their lives.

As the wind blew, Makoto let himself fall over the cliff. His ears were filled with the sound of rushing air and eventually he felt the harsh impact from the water. It was as if his arm was splitting off but Makoto didn’t care. Nothing mattered.

This is what he deserved.

**

Sometimes people get lost

and they feel like all is gone

their purpose

their reason for life

but the world is always beautiful

if you just keep looking

you’ll see the world in your eyes

not everyone can be the hero

let your heart rest

let your heart rest

my dear

Makoto had never heard such a beautiful voice before. It was the voice of an angel. Clear and crisp just like water. He felt sand underneath him and his eyes felt heavy. With a bit of strain, he opened his eyes to see baby blue ones staring right back at him.

“Ahh!” he screamed, startled. His body had enough adrenaline to push away from the face.

As Makoto stared, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful this…person looked. It was a human until just below his stomach and then it looked like…a mermaid? He had striking features: dark black hair, bright blue eyes (which were as clear as the ocean Makoto noted), and his scales on his tail that shoned so brilliantly under the full moon light. It was almost as if he was made of tiny diamond crystals in the way the water sparkled on his pale skin.

“You are alive.” said the mermaid, his voice a bit deeper than Makoto thought it would be. “I saw you jump, you know. Why did you do that?” He was very blunt with his questions. The mermaid started to come towards him.

“Wait, wait.” Makoto put his hands out in front of him and the creature stopped. “I-I don’t…uh…” he glanced off to the side. “What are you?” Makoto abruptly asked, trying to change the topic of conversation the mermaid started.

“I’m a half breed man.” He said as a matter of factly. His voice didn’t change tone. “I’m half fish, half man. I can choose to change of my own accord.”

The explanation went way over Makoto’s head and he began to laugh. “It’s a dream. Right…I’ve drowned and now I’m dreaming and this is the hell I’ve been given.” Makoto couldn’t stop his laughter, even when it turned to small sobs and crying.

“Nanase Haruka.”

Makoto looked up at the half breed man and sniffed. “What?”

“My name is Nanase Haruka.” Haruka crawled over towards him and this time Makoto didn’t move. “I saved you from the waves. It wasn’t easy. The rocks you fell around create a whirlpool and I was almost pulled in too.” As he explained what had happened, Makoto became furious.

“Why did you save me, Nanase?!” Makoto barked, his voice raising in anger. “I don’t deserve to live. I let those children die…”

“Did you really though?” Haruka asked abruptly, not even letting Makoto finish his thought.

Makoto glared at him. “Did I really what?”

Haruka laid back on the sand as the water lapped up around them. The tide was coming in and the water level was rising. “Did you really let those children die?” Haruka placed an emphasis on the word 'let’. “I’m pretty sure the hero of the fire station wouldn’t let children die in a fire.” He closed his eyes but continued to talk. “Don’t let the words of others get to you. People in sorrow often say things they don’t mean.”

Makoto gasped. “How do you know about-?”

Haruka placed a finger on the fireman’s lips, quieting him. “You talked a lot before you regained consciousness. Including what the woman said to you. Not to mention…I said I was a human as well as a fish.” Haruka looked up into Makoto’s eyes gently. “I saw you there…at the wake. I didn’t think that I’d see you again, much less in the ocean.” He sighed. “Do you really think you deserve to die?”

Makoto shook his head. “….no.” he mumbled, nearly inaudible.

“Say it again.” Haruka demanded, his voice firm.

“No!” Makoto yelled, feeling tears roll down his face. “I want to live! I want to help other people! I want to make up for my error in judgment.” Makoto felt the air escape his lungs, his throat burning. “I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry! I’m sorry you died and I lived! I’m sorry!” Makoto screamed as loud as he could, and he felt amazing. He had finally gotten everything off his chest and for the first time in two weeks, he felt like he could breathe.

Suddenly he felt an hand on his shoulder and looked to see Haruka smiling next to him. It was faint, but for the first time Makoto saw what looked like happiness on Haruka’s face.

“Nanase….I…I will keep moving on and I will make the most of my life to protect those I can and to keep the memory alive of those who I unfortunately cannot save.” Makoto said, his voice steady and strong.

Haruka nodded. “Good. I must go. I’m sorry but the morning is coming and I can’t stay here.”

Makoto felt a pining in his heart. He didn’t want Haruka to leave. “What? No…I…I’d like to stay here with you. Just for a little longer.”

“You’ll see me again.” Haruka promised. He held his hand out to Makoto and Makoto took his hand in his. “You just won’t expect it.”

The fireman expected Haruka to feel slimy and cold, as he was a fish, but all Makoto felt was warmth. Before Makoto realized it, Haruka had let go and slipped back into the ocean.

The only sound around now was the waves.

**

“Tachibana!! Are you coming?” Kato shouted up the stairs into the fire station locker room. “We’re gonna go grab a bite to eat at the new cafe across town!”

“Yes, yes! I’m coming!” Makoto shouted back, grabbing his duffel bag.

It had been nearly a month since Makoto met Haruka on the beach that late night…or so he had remembered. Makoto had chalked it up to a very vivid dream. Ever since then he had tried to find Haruka in the city. There were plenty of look alikes but none of them were the Haruka he knew. His Haruka…the one who had saved him that night in the ocean. So Makoto had decided to move on and tat it was just a dream. There was no way a half fish half man really existed anyway.

Makoto, Kato, and Reiji all walked together, seeing the Grand Opening sign for the cafe, called 'Saba-chan’. Makoto thought the name was awkward since it was a coffee shop but he had just decided to ignore it. After a short wait in line, the three were sat at a small table just outside the building in an umbrella covered patio.

“I’m going to go to the restroom real quick.” Makoto said as he sat down his bag in his seat. “I’ll be right back. I just want water to drink.”

Makoto slipped past a lot of people before finding the hallway leading into the bathroom. As he went to enter, another man came out, pushing past him.

“I’m sorry I-” Makoto apologized before meeting eyes with the man, awkwardly close. Blue eyes met green and in an instant, Makoto felt a familiarity in those baby blue eyes that were as clear as the ocean. “Nanase!”

The man hadn’t stopped and continued walking past him and out another door that had been in the hallway. It was an exit that had led outside the building. Makoto couldn’t help himself. He opened the door with more haste than he originally intended. After his eyes adjusted to the sunlight, he saw Haruka standing before him, wearing the uniform of the cafe.

“Nanase…” Makoto breathed. “You…you are real.”

Haruka frowned. “That’s the first thing you say to me? I saved your life from drowning and helped you get over a huge part of your life and the first thing you say to me is that… I’m real?”

Makoto laughed. “I know! I just…it’s been so long and I just thought that…I really thought it had been a dream! I really did!” He walked down the small steps to stand in front of Haruka. Makoto hesitated before he brought his hand up to Haruka’s cheek. He saw a faint blush appear on the dark haired boy’s face. “You know…I never got to thank you for saving me that day. You didn’t have to…but you did.”

Haruka tried to look away. “I didn’t do it so you could…flirt with me.”

Makoto was taken aback by Haruka’s blunt statement. “Well, I guess it just fell that way. So thank you. Thank you for saving me that night, Haruka.”

Haruka was put off by the sound of his first name. “Don’t call me that so formally…”

Makoto smiled, pulling Haruka’s face back towards him. “Okay then…how about Haru-chan?”

The cafe worker couldn’t help but blush again. “Oh stop trying to be cute.”

Haruka leaned up to Makoto and gently pressed his lips toward the fireman. The two shared a short gentle kiss, Makoto’s hand holding Haruka’s neck gently. Haruka had placed his hands on Makoto’s strong back, grabbing it firmly. As they came apart, the two smiled and couldn’t help but laugh at the situation.

“I am…in love with a fish.” Makoto said under his breath. Haruka hadn’t heard him since he was too busy laughing. “But that’s okay….he’s my fish.” Makoto smiled, pulling Haruka into a hug.

Sure, Nitori had noticed the way Rin gazed wistfully at Haru and Makoto’s kids, Hisoka and Jun; smiling as he cradled the baby, Hisoka, in his arms, his lips upturned into a bright smile, shark teeth flashing as Hisoka’s small pudgy hand wrapped around his finger.

And, sure, he had also noticed how Rin looked as he felt Nagisa’s belly, delighted when the unborn triplets kicked where his hand was, grinning as Nagisa let him speak to the twins in English, laughing as he did so, a wistful expression on his face as he glanced at Nitori.

And, the truth was, Nitori wanted kids too.

Little boys running around with silver-blue hair and red eyes and normal teeth, or little girls running around with red hair and blue eyes and shark teeth.

He just didn’t think he’d really enjoy what he had to do to have the kids, in fact, sex didn’t appeal to him and he was scared of trying to explain this to Rin. He was scared of rejection.

Nitori was reading on Rin and his bed, deep in thought as he turned a page, his mind occasionally turning to Nagisa and how he had to get the triplet’s matching pyjamas.

Than was until Rin plucked the book out of his hands and caged Nitori on the bed, arms at either side of his head. Nitori immediately flushed bright red and wrapped his arms around Rin’s neck, capturing his lips in a kiss.

He kissed back immediately, sharp teeth nipping at Nitori’s lips, a hand snaking up to remove the boy’s shirt, before he was pushed away.

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” The silver haired boy said breathlessly, unable to look his boyfriend in the eyes, as he moved his knees up to his chest, curling his arms around his legs. Rin moved to sit beside him and wrapped and arm around him.

“It’s okay, don’t be.” He soothed, rubbing a thumb over Nitori’s cheek. “Don’t feel pressured, I love you and I can wait for you.”

“Hey, Rin…” Nitori mumbled after 5 minutes.

“Yes, what is it?” Rin replied, and the boy shook his head, resting his chin on his knees.

“Never mind.” Nitori buried his face into his knees.

“You can tell me anything, Aii. You don’t have to be afraid.” Rin said, smiling sadly and hugging the boy closer.

“I’m asexual.” Nitori blurted out, covering his eyes with his hands and sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Oh, okay…” Rin replied, furrowing his brow in confusion. “Um… what does that mean?”

“It means that I don’t have any sexual feelings, I don’t know... Sex doesn’t appeal to me.”

“Oh, okay, that’s fine.” Rin shrugged his shoulders. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t like or you’re not comfortable with.”

“R-really?” Nitori stuttered.

“Of course, I’m not gonna be angry at you.” Rin smiled, wrapping his boyfriend in a hug, and staying like that for a good few minutes, until Nitori broke away, his face red.

“Hey, um… Rin?” He asked, trying to hide his face behind his hair.

“What’s up?”

“I kinda… I k-kinda…” He stuttered, hiding his head in his hands, his words coming out in quiet mumbles.

“’I kinda’ what?” He asked, chuckling.

“Ikindawantkids!” Nitori mumbled, and Rin pulled the boys hands away, laughing.

“I can’t understand you when you talk like that!” He laughed and Nitori flushed pink, taking a deep breath.

“I kinda want kids, Rin.” He sighed and Rin’s face immediately broke out into a smile., tackling the smaller boy into a hug, and smothering Nitori’s face in kisses, his eyes squeezed shut in joy. “H-hey!”

“Really, Aii?” Rin asked, pulling away to study his boyfriend’s face. “Do you really want kids?”

“Of course I do! I just don’t really like the appeal of the sex.” Nitori said in reply, looking away.

“As long as you’re sure you want to carry kids, I’m fine with it.” Rin grinned. “Just tell me whenever you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay.” Nitori breathed, bringing Rin into a big hug, before leaning forward and whispering into his ears. “We can have a kid right now. If you want.”

“You sure?” Rin whispered back.

“Always. I love you Rin.”