#fredram

“We’re dating!” Fred blurted out. “We can use the pool because we’re dating!”

“You’re dating Penelope?” Clifford raised his eyebrow. “Both of you?”

“No, no, no.” He gestured between him and Hiram and the gun was raised again. “I mean me and Hiram are dating.” He shot his hands back up. “We’re together and, well, Penelope understands the struggles of, you know, these things.”

“I don’t know.” Clifford’s voice was deadpan. “What things and why would Penelope understand them?”

Fred nudged Hiram with his foot. “Secret - secret relationships!” Hiram tried. “Penelope knows all about those.”

Clifford’s face screwed up. “What on earth? What secret relationship is Penelope in?”

Hiram scoffed. “Well if we told you, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore, now would it?” He shook his head and looked to Fred. “This guy, huh?”

“Anyway, Penelope understands our - our struggle,” Fred pleaded. “And she wanted to help. She said if we needed somewhere private, she’d be happy to let us hang out here when no one’s home.”

Clifford sighed. “You expect me to believe all of this?”

“Yeah, because it’s true!”

“First of all, Penelope isn’t friends with either of you,” Clifford said matter of factly. “Why would she offer up our home for your sexual escapades?”

“We are,” Hiram looked to Fred, “excellent friends with Penelope. We hang out with her all the time, right?”

“This!” Fred explained. “This is one of those secret relationships! Friend relationships!”

“Friendships!” Hiram corrected. “Secret friendships! The one we have with Penelope.”

Clifford’s expression stayed the same. “Second of all, you two aren’t dating.”

“We’re not dating?” Fred kept his arms raised but pointed a finger down at Hiram. “This guy? I love him. Look at him. Those arms? That face? I am the luckiest guy in the world.” Fred swallowed the lump in his throat. “Right, Hiram? Ram? Ramikins?”

“Right,” Hiram nodded slowly, forcing a smile. “Right, Freddie. Of course we’re dating. We have been an item for - for months now.” He turned his head to Fred. “I love you.”

“Prove it,” Clifford said simply. “Prove your dating.”

“Well, our first date we - we went to get sushi. Sushi in Greendale.”