#francis j

Excerpt from observation journal of Scot Land

It's really embarrassing how little the scientific community knows about the social lives of wild rabbits.  I've been watching this colony for two weeks now, and already I have begun to question some of the assumptions that most of my colleagues take for granted.  Most scientists will tell you that rabbits are polygamous.  Just the other day, a hawk took Millie, and Mumpfred has been keeping to himself, refusing to socialize with any of the others, except the current litter, which he has been staying close to ever since his mate's disappearance.  This also goes against other observations that bucks generally do not take care of the young.  To be fair, he isn't doing a very good job of it.

That's the reason rabbits have so many kits, anyway.  So many of them die.

Mickey, realizing that everybody'll expect him to go apeshit over Fran IV and Rea like they are, decides that sparing the new parents some work is the most effective way to avoid having to coo over the little wigglers. He's never had anything to do with babies and isn't about to start now.

"Fran! I was fixing to nurse him."

"That's right, sweetie, suck it down for Auntie Faith. Oh, you're such a darling! I never had a little baby of my own, you know, so you and your brother can expect some high-level spoiling while you live here."

"You sure that formula's as good as breastmilk?" "Nothing else is, dear, but you're not a cow and need a little help. When my cousin Coral couldn't breastfeed her adopted daughter, this is what she used and Mary Sue never seemed to suffer."

"That's right, that's a good burp!" "Holey cheese, it's almost lunch time and we haven't had breakfast yet! I'm on it, Miz Goodie, you carry on."

Excerpt from the Last Will and Testament of Francis J. Worthington I