#foxfics

“Smile!” Izuku’s mom said, snapping a picture of Katsuki and Izuku where they were all at the park.

Izuku had a huge grin and was holding up a peace sign with his fingers. Katsuki had his arms crossed and was scowling. Why he had to pose for this stupid picture was beyond him, but his mom had insisted he behave, so he would try to hold still for five seconds so Izuku’s mom could get her dumb photo.

Once the Polaroid had printed and dried, Izuku’s mom gave it to Katsuki’s mom to keep.

“This is cute,” Katsuki’s mom said, holding the picture in one hand and ruffling Katsuki’s hair with the other. He let out an audible growl. The disrespect of this woman. “I hope they stay friends forever. Maybe this little gremlin could learn some manners from your kid.”

“Let’s go,” Katsuki said, turning and storming off. Without even looking, his mom grabbed him by the ear. “Hey! Let go!”

“It was nice seeing you again, Inko,” Katsuki’s mom said, ignoring Katsuki struggling to get away from her grasp.

“You as well! Come by some time, all right?”

When they got home, Katsuki’s mom pinned up the photo high on the fridge, out of Katsuki’s reach.

“Take it down,” Katsuki said, arms crossed.The careless grin on Deku’s face, like he was somehow better than everyone else… Katsuki couldn’t stand the thought of seeing it every day.

“No, I like it.”

“It’s cute,” Katsuki’s dad chipped in.

Katsuki jumped to take down the picture but still couldn’t reach it.

“Come on, kid, we have so few pictures of you with your friends. Let us keep this one.”

“Hmph,” Katsuki grunted before storming off.

It took him three days of various techniques of jumping, climbing, throwing things, and moving furniture to take down the picture. He ripped it up over the trash. Good. Thank god it was gone.

Primary School

One of the stupid teachers in their primary school had been taking pictures of the class all year and handed some out to the students at the end of the year.

“This is you showing off your quirk to your friends!” His teacher said, passing him the photograph. In it, Katsuki was setting off small explosions in his hand as his small group of friends crowded around him. Deku included, standing at the edge with a look of awe on his stupid face.

Katsuki looked up at Deku, who was receiving his photograph from the teacher. Just him, working on a piece of art, alone like the pathetic loser he was. Katsuki thought the photo really did nothing but emphasize his lack of popularity. But Deku still accepted it enthusiastically from their teacher with repeated thanks.

Katsuki crumpled his picture in his hand and set of an explosion within his fist. As every person in the room turned to look at the source of the noise, he let the charred ashes of the photograph fall to the ground. He wasn’t much for sentimentality. They should’ve all known that by now.

Middle School

An end-of-school class picture from junior high: all the students lined up in rows in their crisp black uniforms, looking ahead at the camera.

Katsuki received one just like everyone else. It hadn’t been a terrible year, no classmates that were too bad. A lot of morons and extras but nobody who’d really made a point to stand up to him or bother him, except…

Deku. Standing at the edge of the class, with that dumb, wavering smile on his face and his eyes wide. Like he was afraid of even having his picture taken. If he was so scared all the time, then why had he thrown himself at the sludge monster just a couple of months before to save Katsuki? What did he know that nobody else did?

Katsuki’s mom was expecting him to hand over the photograph, but he scribbled over Midoriya’s face in black pen very thoroughly before handing it over.

She raised her eyebrows at his addition. “Seriously, Katsuki, what did he do to you?”

“Shut up,” Katsuki grumbled, storming out of the room before she could ask any more irritating questions.

UA Festival

“Come on, we have to try it!” Kirishima said before pulling Bakugo into the photo booth set up at their first UA festival. First flash. Katsuki scowled as Kirishima switched to a different silly pose. Second flash. Deku poked his head in. “Hey, Kirishima, are you…?” Third flash. With a playful laugh, Kirishima grabbed Deku and pulled him in, crashing him into Katsuki. Fourth flash.

And then some explosions.

Katsuki didn’t want to look at the print, but Kirishima made sure he saw it anyway. “I can’t believe how you kept the same face the entire time!” Kirishima said, his eyes scanning over the four photographs where Katsuki did indeed have an identical scowl and glare in all four pictures. “And look how red Midoriya’s cheeks are in the last one!” He said, pointing at the fourth photograph, where Deku was blushing furiously.

Freak. He couldn’t even take a picture normally.

Katsuki had refused to keep the print, but he still found the picture inside his notebook the next day during class. Kirishima, that sneaky bastard, must’ve put it there when he wasn’t looking, because Katsuki sure hadn’t left it there.

The corner of Katsuki’s mouth turned up in a smile as he looked at the others in the photos - Kirishima making weird faces, and Deku turning red. Okay, even though Deku had been there, it had been kind of fun. Maybe just a little bit. He wasn’t going to hang this picture up or anything, but it might be worth holding on to.

When he stood up after class, the photo slipped out of the notebook and fluttered down to the floor.

Someone stooped down to pick it up.

Shit. Deku.

“Oh, these are those pictures from yesterday!” He said, his face lighting up as he scanned over the photos.

“Yeah, too bad you’re in them,” Katsuki said, snatching back the strip of photos before catching it on fire with an explosion and letting it burn in his hand.

Deku watched it burn, his expression a mix of forlorn and resigned. When there was nothing left but some blackened scraps of paper, Deku looked back up at Katsuki. “It’s okay, we can always take some more next time.”

“Fuck off,” Katsuki mumbled, before grabbing his stuff and storming off, leaving Deku staring after him.

Deku Disappears

“I found these when we were evacuating,” Katsuki’s mom said, passing him an envelope.

Katsuki opened the envelope to glance at the contents. Photographs. He knew what they were from - a couple of the girls of Class A had taken a bunch of pictures at class parties and celebrations that they printed out and distributed to the other students for Christmas. He hadn’t wanted to keep them at school, but something stopped him from throwing them out, so he dropped them off at home on one of his visits back there.

“Okay.” He scowled and looked down. “Hey. I’m glad you’re safe.”

His mom pulled him into a hug, and Katsuki tolerated it. “I’m glad you’re safe too. Stay that way, okay?”

When Katsuki was back in his dorm room, he opened the envelope and flipped through the pictures. There were some of everyone, but a couple of the more central students of Class A showed up again and again. He saw one person stand out in particular. Izuku. Izuku. Izuku.

His eyes caught on a specific photo and he stopped flipping. It was in the dorm common room, during a group dinner. Izuku was smiling, huge and sincere like he always did, looking at his classmates fondly.

Katsuki was next to him in the picture, and the expression on his face as he looked at Izuku was… soft. Relaxed and affectionate. He felt his cheeks burn at the thought that not only had someone seen him looking happy like that, but they had caught it on camera too.

Still, he remembered that night. Thinking about how glad he was that their relationship had changed to something almost like friends, that he was so lucky to have someone like Izuku never had given up on Katsuki. Thinking that Izuku was actually amazing, and that Katsuki couldn’t believe he’d never seen it before.

Katsuki dropped the photos on his desk, tears pricking at his eyes. They’d come so far, and then Deku had just left him behind, just run off to go try to save the world on his own. Katsuki still had so much to tell him, so much to apologize for, and… He missed him. He wanted to talk to him again, he wanted to be near him, to touch him…

Katsuki froze. Touch him? Where had that thought come from? Why would he want…?

It hit Katsuki like a punch.

What they’d had - a rivalry, a tentative friendship - wasn’t enough.

Katsuki wanted more.

He wanted to hold Izuku’s face in his hands, and he wanted to run his thumbs over the light freckles on his cheeks. He wanted to meet those big green eyes and tell Izuku that Katsuki had been such a moron for not seeing what had been in front of him his entire life. He wanted Izuku to smile, for Katsuki and Katsuki alone, and then he wanted to kiss that smile right off his face.

He brought up a hand to cover his mouth, shocked. He couldn’t believe he’d never seen it before. With the amount of time he spent looking at Izuku, thinking about Izuku, why had he never realized his feelings were something more?

He clenched his jaw. No matter how much Katsuki’s feelings towards Izuku had changed, their history never could.

Even if Izuku felt similarly, it would never work out with them, and never should.

Katsuki put the picture back in the envelope and shoved it into a drawer so he wouldn’t have to look at it any longer.

His heart ached as he thought about what was going to happen if - when - they got Deku back. Katsuki would have to deal with this revelation again, with Deku right in front of him but just out of reach.

Deku Returns

They got Izuku back, and now the idiot was sleeping off his month of nonstop work. Katsuki had said what he should’ve said a long time ago, and even if it didn’t change anything between them, he was glad he had.

He took out the envelope of pictures his mom had given him and flipped to one in particular. He’d looked at them a lot while Izuku was gone and he knew exactly which one he was looking for.

There. Izuku with a huge grin and his fingers up in a peace sign. Katsuki scowling with his arms crossed. Almost identical to that picture from when they were kids, the one that he’d torn to pieces but for some reason Katsuki hadn’t been able to forget.

He pinned the photo onto his bulletin board, next to all the blueprints for his gauntlets and notes on fighting tactics. He’d never put up a picture like this before, but the butterflies he got looking at it made him feel nice, even though he would never put that emotion into words, for himself or for anyone else.

Then he frowned. The picture stood out, a strike of color among all the plain notes, so anyone in his room would be able to tell he’d put it there intentionally.

He tacked up a couple more photos to hide its conspicuousness. A picture of all Class A shortly after moving into the dorms; Kaminari and Kirishima arguing in front of Katsuki; Katsuki and Shoto sparring.

There. He could still see Izuku, but now it wouldn’t be quite so conspicuous.

“Aw, Bakubro,” Kirishima when he stopped by Katsuki’s room later. “You finally put up some pictures. Look, that’s me. I made it onto your board.” He mimed wiping away a tear.

Katsuki glared at the board, ready to tear it all down, but he swallowed the anxiety at showing his vulnerability and looked back at Kirishima. “Another word and I’ll blow you into so many pieces that even Recovery Girl won’t be able to put you back together.”

“All right, all right,” Kirishima said, holding up his hands in defense. But his smile towards Katsuki as he left was a gentle one.

Pro Heroes

Katsuki was a pro hero now, number 2 on the charts less than a year after his debut despite his abrasive personality. He was only behind Deku. Katsuki still planned to surpass Deku one day, but despite his continued expression of aggressive rivalry, they were close now after having been through so much together.

Katsuki had finally gotten his own apartment, and it was missing any personalized touches, which he didn’t mind, except… He missed some of the photographs he’d had pinned up when he was at UA.

This is pathetic, he thought as he picked out a photo on his phone. This is humiliating, he thought as he got it printed. I can’t believe I’m such a loser, he thought as he put it in a frame and set it on his nightstand.

It was a photo of Deku and Dynamight talking to the press after their first official debut as pro-heroes a couple of years ago. They’d taken that villain down together, like they had almost every one since. Katsuki was scowling and quiet, but Deku had his hand resting lightly on Dynamight’s arm and a big smile on his face as he explained to the press what had happened. Deku looked adorable in the photo, with the scratches and the messy hair and the optimistic expression and the easy way he spoke to the press.

The photo evoked an embarrassing feeling of warmth and happiness in Katsuki’s chest, and he’d gone back to it again and again on his phone whenever he couldn’t get Izuku off his mind. Now, he thought it was a good addition to his own private space.

That was, until Izuku visited for the first time, a month after Katsuki had moved in.

“Wow, Kacchan, I can’t believe how nice this place is,” Izuku said, running his hand along the marble counters. The place was simple and sparsely furnished, but it had a nice kitchen and a gym. Katsuki didn’t really think much of showing it off. He knew it wasn’t his belongings but rather his abilities that made him exceptional.

Izuku wandered into the bedroom, which was empty except for a bed and a nightstand. The picture frame on the nightstand caught his attention and he wandered over to look at it.

Katsuki froze. It was just a fixture of the room at this point, so he had completely forgotten it was there when he’d invited Izuku over. He cursed himself for leaving it out.

Over the years, he hadn’t felt a strong need to keep his feelings completely secret; nothing would really change if anyone found out. But still, he’d never actually said anything to Izuku, and never had planned to. There wasn’t a point. It could never work out. But hiding the picture would have avoided that unnecessary and undoubtedly uncomfortable conversation, at least for now.

“Kacchan?” Izuku asked, turning to Katsuki, who was leaning on the door frame.

Katsuki kept his expression carefully blank, watching Izuku’s reaction closely. He felt his cheeks heating up and hoped Izuku couldn’t see the color from where he stood across the room. Okay, so maybe Izuku thought it was pretty weird that Katsuki kept pictures of his friend next to where he slept, but he wasn’t about to apologize for it.

“It’s us,” Izuku said.

“Obviously, dumbass.”

“Why?”

“‘Why’?” Katsuki huffed out a laugh and met Izuku’s eyes. No point in being anything but honest. “Because I like looking at you.”

Izuku hesitated, and then asked again, “Why?”

“Because you’re fucking cute, okay?”

“I’m… what? Why?”

“You really haven’t figured it out yet?”

“Are you making fun of me?” Izuku said, narrowing his eyes.

Katsuki wished that’s all it was. He took a deep breath and admitted what he’d been holding in for years. “Jesus. I’m in love with you, asshole.”

“Oh,” Izuku said blankly. And then a moment later, “Oh.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Katsuki said, stepping past Izuku and setting the frame face-down on the nightstand. It was almost a relief to finally have his feelings out in the open after years of not saying anything. Still, Izuku knew now, but so what? Everything would go back to normal soon enough. “My hero work is the only thing that’s important.”

“You’re in love with me?” Izuku said, like his brain was experiencing a serious lag.

“You need to get your ears checked?”

Katsuki turned to go back to the main room but Izuku spoke again.

“How long?”

Katsuki was quiet for a moment. “Since you went off on your own after Shigaraki. I don’t know, something changed when we were working on One For All together. When you left… It made me realize how I felt.” He shook his head, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Tears welled up in Izuku’s eyes. “Years?”

Katsuki didn’t reply, didn’t even meet Izuku’s eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Doesn’t matter.” He started to walk away again but Izuku grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around and meet his eyes.

“Kacchan.” He licked his lips, which was so distracting that Katsuki almost didn’t hear what came next. “I really like you too. So, so much.”

Katsuki hadn’t been expecting that. He knew Izuku cared about him, like he cared about so many people, but Katsuki never would’ve thought Izuku cared about him like that, not after everything Katsuki had put him through.

“What?”

Izuku sounded more unsure when he repeated, “I’m in love with you too.”

“How long?” Katsuki asked, echoing Izuku’s question.

“Always. I’ve always liked you.”

Always.

Katsuki felt like he should’ve seen it coming, the way Izuku had followed him around their entire lives. But whatever complicated motivations he’d ascribed to Izuku’s behavior before, he never would’ve expected it to be this.

“What the hell.”

Izuku gave him a wavering smile. “Sorry.”

“Asshole. Don’t apologize.”

“Sorr—”

“Deku.”

Izuku held back another apology and then asked, “How come you never told me?”

“I couldn’t change anything I’d done.”

“Oh.”

“There’s some things that can’t be forgiven. We get along fine now, but I made your life hell for the longest time.”

“But I’m okay. We’re okay.”

“That’s not the point,” Katsuki said, not even trying to hide his exasperation.

“I don’t get it.”

“Listen, Izuku,” Katsuki said. “Sometimes you’re too nice for your own good. You never take yourself into account. You deserve someone who doesn’t have that complicated history with you. Literally anyone else. I accepted that a long time ago, and—”

Izuku furrowed his brow and scowled, a familiar look of determination coming over his face. “You’ve told me what I couldn’t do my whole life, Kacchan. That I couldn’t be a hero. That I couldn’t go to UA. That I couldn’t keep up with Class A.”

“Exactly, which is why—”

“Shut up, I’m not done,” Izuku said, and Katsuki was shocked into silence at his blunt words. “Now you’re telling me I can’t feel the way I feel about you. Screw that, Katsuki. I know what I want. You can’t tell me what I can’t do anymore.”

“Izuku…” Katsuki’s throat was thick with tears.

It meant something that Izuku was telling him off. It gave him hope, even though he knew it shouldn’t. Maybe Izuku was right. Maybe they could move on from the past. Maybe they had to.

Katsuki cleared his throat to hide his emotion, and asked, his voice very quiet, “So what do you want?”

Doubt clouded Izuku’s features again. “I want… Kacchan, I want you, I mean, if that’s okay…”

Izuku’s soft, sincere voice broke down the last of Katsuki’s reluctance. The firm belief that he couldn’t be with Izuku, that he shouldn’t, cracked and fell apart.

“Fucking idiot,” Katsuki said with a laugh. At the response, Izuku’s eyes went huge and unsure, but Katsuki still took his time to add, “Of course that’s okay, moron.”

“Oh…”

Katsuki wasn’t sure if Izuku kissed him first, or if he kissed Izuku first. But finally, finally, his lips were on Izuku’s, the lips he’d watched and dreamt about for years. The lips whose image had kept him up late at night, wondering how he could turn off the feelings he had for someone he didn’t deserve.

Izuku kissed him back, his hands greedily grasping Katsuki’s shirt. Izuku’s kiss was clumsy and uncertain, but Katsuki didn’t mind. He’d thought about this first kiss so many times, and it was exactly what he expected, exactly what he wanted.

Izuku pulled back, eyes closed, and even this close Katsuki could see he was an endearing shade of red. “Kacchan…” he muttered, burying his face in Katsuki’s shoulder and trying to catch his breath. “Ah… Sorry… I’ve never kissed anyone before, and I just never expected it to be you, and I really like you, I really, really like you, and…”

Katsuki smiled into Izuku’s shoulder. “Idiot,” he muttered. “Stop talking.”

“Okay.”

They held each other close, the last wall between them finally torn down after all these years. Their relationship had shifted a lot since they were kids, and Katsuki was stunned it had turned itself into this. Stunned, but so happy.

“Kacchan.”

“Hm.”

“I want to be with you.”

“You are with me, idiot. You’re in my arms right now.”

“No, I mean… With you. Like… Your boyfriend.”

Katsuki took a step back to look at Izuku. His eyes were pleading and vulnerable. Katsuki thought about it. One, he’d been determined to avoid any type of romantic relationship so he could focus on hero work, though that reason didn’t seem so compelling right now. Two, boyfriend seemed like an inappropriate word for them, not even close to enough to describe their relationship.

Still, it didn’t take long for him to make up his mind.

“Yeah, sure,” he finally said. “You can be my boyfriend.”

Izuku kissed him again, and Katsuki could feel Izuku’s smile against his lips.

Epilogue

Katsuki stood in front of the newly-printed picture Izuku had hung up earlier that day on the wall of their shared apartment. It was the two of them, exchanging vows in front of an altar, both dressed in tuxedos. Katsuki smiled gently at the picture, even though he had thought marriage was a dumb idea, unnecessary and a waste of time and money. But Izuku had really wanted it, so Katsuki said yes.

Katsuki felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and a head rest on his shoulder.

“Admit it, you’re glad we got married,” Izuku murmured.

Katsuki scoffed. “No way. It was just for you.”

“I just saw you smiling.”

“Shut up,” Katsuki grumbled.

“Hey. I love you.”

Katsuki smiled again. “Nerd. I know.”

“Kacchan.”

1. Drunk

When Kirishima woke him up at two in the morning, Izuku really wasn’t expecting to hear that a few of their classmates had snuck out to a party and Katsuki had come back completely wasted.

“He’s actually a total lightweight,” Kirishima told Izuku as they walked down the stairs to the common room. “He had like, three drinks and now he’s a mess.”

“How’d you get him to drink? That’s so unlike him.”

“Easy. We just told him he couldn’t outdrink us and he had to prove us wrong.” Kirishima smiled, flashing his sharp teeth.

Izuku sighed. “So why did you wake me up at two in the morning for this?”

“He asked for you as soon as we got back.”

Izuku stopped in his tracks.  “Me? Why?”

“I don’t know. We tried to get him to drink some water and go to bed but he wouldn’t stop asking for you.”

“Oh,” Izuku said, continuing to walk again.

Why would Katsuki be asking for him? It wasn’t too long after their second fight at Ground Beta. Maybe Katsuki wanted to make some sort of point? Maybe his drunken self wanted to get into another fight? Or maybe since their relationship had shifted, he just felt more comfortable being vulnerable in front of Izuku rather than others? 

Right, like that would ever happen.

“Midoriya,” Kirishima said, interrupting his thoughts. “You’re muttering again.”

“Oh, sorry.”

They reached the common room, where Katsuki was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed and Ashido, Sero, and Kaminari in a half circle around him. It seemed they were trying, with no success, to cajole Katsuki into drinking a cup of water.

“Kacchan?” Izuku said.

Katsuki turned around. The corner of his mouth turned up when he met Izuku’s eyes. “Took you damn long enough, nerd.”

“You asked for me?”

“Yeah. I have to tell you something.”

“Tell me what?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Okay. Maybe it’ll come back to you. Let’s get you to bed, Kacchan.”

Katsuki stood up from his spot on the couch and stumbled over to Izuku.

“Seriously?” Sero said. “He won’t listen to us telling him to go to bed for ten minutes but you get him to go in ten seconds? I thought he didn’t like you!”

“I don’t,” Katsuki snapped. “I just dislike you more.”

“Ouch,” Kaminari said. “C’mon, man.”

“Let’s go,” Izuku said. Katsuki looked like he’d wander off in the wrong direction without guidance, so Izuku took his hand to pull him towards the stairs. Izuku was surprised Katsuki didn’t pull his hand away immediately; instead, he gripped Izuku’s hand in his and followed him without a word. Izuku ignored the butterflies fluttering in his stomach from the touch. 

“What is happening?” Kaminari whispered to Ashido, eyeing their held hands.

“No one is going to believe us in the morning,” Sero muttered.

Katsuki flipped them off on their way out of the room.

“Hey, Kacchan,” Izuku said as he guided Katsuki up through the stairwell. “You really don’t need to drink just because someone challenges you to, you know.”

“I had to show them I could win.”

“But you didn’t win.”

Katsuki pulled his hand out of Izuku’s and glared at him. “Fuck you. I was having an off day. Next time, I’ll outdrink them for sure.”

“Maybe you should focus on keeping a winning sober streak instead. I had my last drink fourteen days ago”–an accident, when he hadn’t noticed the alcohol warning on the can, and Uraraka and Iida had had to spend ten minutes calming him down after he realized–“and it’s been zero days for you. So it looks like I’m winning at being sober the longest.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m gonna be sober for the rest of my goddamn life. Think you can beat that, nerd?”

“I’ll try my best,” Izuku said. “And you know I don’t give up easily.”

Katsuki seemed content with the answer, so Izuku took his hand again and led him up the rest of the stairs to Katsuki’s room.

“How are you feeling?” Izuku asked Katsuki as he helped lead him into his room.

“Fucking great. I feel like I’m the best. Number freaking one.”

“You always feel like that.”

“Tch. Of course your dumb ass would think that. You don’t see how things have changed?”

Izuku wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Sure, things had shifted after their second fight at Ground Beta, but Izuku never thought Katsuki’s confidence in himself would waver. 

Katsuki swayed on his feet, which immediately pulled Izuku from his thoughts.

“Hey,” Izuku said, reassuring. “Sit down here, okay?”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Katsuki said, but he was unsteady enough that it didn’t take much for Izuku to push him into a seated position on the bed.

Izuku set about making Katsuki ready for bed. He set a trash can next to Katsuki’s feet in case he had to throw up. He filled up a glass with water and set it down on the nightstand. He tugged off Katsuki’s shoes and put them by the door.

Izuku had just grabbed one of the post-workout electrolyte drinks that Katsuki kept around when he heard Katsuki throw up.

“Aw, Kacchan,” Izuku said. He sat next to Katsuki on the bed and rubbed his back as he continued to retch into the bin. 

“Knock it…” Katsuki said, voice hoarse and strained, “Knock it off.”

“No.”

“Asshole.”

It took a few minutes for Katsuki to stop vomiting. When he had apparently decided nothing else was going to come up, he flopped back on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling with eyes damp and breath heavy from the effort of throwing up.

“Wait, Kacchan, not yet, drink this.”

“I told you not to tell me what to do,” Katsuki muttered.

Izuku forced Katsuki up into a seated position and passed him the bottle. “Number one heroes keep themselves hydrated so they aren’t too hungover to train in the morning.”

Katsuki groaned and took the bottle from Izuku before chugging the entire thing down.

“Happy?” he asked, tossing the empty bottle at Izuku. It hit Izuku’s forehead and then bounced to the floor. 

“Yeah.”

Katsuki stretched out on the bed and yawned.

“Looks like you’re okay,” Izuku said. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”

But as he turned to leave, Katsuki caught his wrist. “Stay, Deku.”

“What? Did you remember what you wanted to tell me?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Izuku said hesitantly. He sat back down on the bed. “So, what is it?”

Katsuki looked up at Izuku with thoughtful, relaxed eyes. Izuku smiled just a little bit. Katsuki was kind of pretty when he wasn’t angry.

“I wanted to tell you that you’re intolerable,” Katsuki finally said.

“What?” Izuku said, shocked out of his admiration. “Kacchan?”

“Yeah. You know what I really can’t stand about you?” Katsuki said.

“Probably a lot of things,” Izuku said. It was two in the morning and he wasn’t sure he wanted to get into a list of grievances right now, but Katsuki had asked him to stay, so he’d stay for now.

“I can’t stand these fucking freckles.” Katsuki reached out and brushed a thumb across the freckles on Izuku’s cheek. 

Not quite what Izuku had expected. His eyes were wide as he rested a hand on top of Katsuki’s. He couldn’t remember the last time Katsuki had touched him gently like this. Not since they were little kids. Or maybe not even then.

“There’s more than the fucking stars in the sky. And I want to find the constellations in them, but you’re always so goddamn far away.” His speech was still slurred, but the words were running together in a way that was less messy and drunk, and more gentle and sleepy. A warmth settled in Izuku’s core. Katsuki seemed calm now, his eyes idly running over the freckles on Izuku’s cheeks. After a moment he dropped his hand and met Izuku’s eyes again.

“And you know what else I can’t stand? You’re so nice all the time. What’s with that? You don’t even try and everyone falls in love with you. I hate that about you, Deku.”

“I know.”

“I always thought everyone else was so fucking dumb for it, but looks like I wasn’t so different from them after all.”

“Kacchan…” Izuku’s voice was very quiet. “What are you saying?”

He knew he should get Katsuki to stop, to shut up and fall asleep so he wouldn’t say anything he’d regret in the morning. But Izuku needed to know. Katsuki was holding on to something important, and if Izuku didn’t find out now, he probably never would.

Katsuki smiled, just slightly, just a little bit sad. “I’m saying I don’t want to feel like this. Because you know what the worst part about you is?” Katsuki picked up Izuku’s right hand. “This hand. Look at it. It’s so fucked up. You’ve got all these scars and these weird crooked fingers.”

Izuku was silent as Katsuki turned his hand over and traced a finger over the scar across it.

“Who just goes and fucks themselves up the way you do? You’re such a stupid asshole. Learn your limits and stop pushing past them. Stop saying you’re fine when you’re not.”

Izuku hadn’t even noticed he was crying until he felt Katsuki reach up and wipe away his tears.

“That's why I can’t say anything to you. I need to keep you at arm’s length.  You’re gonna get your dumb ass killed because of some stupid self-sacrificial bullshit, and I don’t want to be destroyed too.”

“Kacchan…….” The tears were falling faster now, and Izuku squeezed his eyes shut and grit his teeth in a futile attempt to stop them. He’d had no idea Katsuki felt like this. Izuku thought he hadn’t cared, that he was just helping him and All Might to develop One For All because he felt a responsibility to do so.

And the comment about his freckles… That was almost romantic. Was there really something there? Or was Izuku reading too much into things?

“Dumb nerd,” Katsuki said. “Promise me you’ll do better.”

“B-better?”

“Promise me you’ll look out for yourself. Saving people means saving yourself, you know.”

“Yeah, Kacchan, I… Yeah, I’ll look out for myself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“You fucking should be,” Katsuki said, closing his eyes. “You’ve always been such a goddamn nightmare.”

Before Izuku could think of a response, Katsuki’s breathing had gone steady.

“Kacchan?”

No response. He was asleep. 

Well, that was it, then. Izuku stood up and walked to the door. He turned back to look at Katsuki once more. He should go, but… Katsuki had asked him to stay, hadn’t he? He’d told Izuku all those things. The least Izuku could do was not sneak out in the middle of the night.

He took a blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over Katsuki, and then sat next to the bed with his knees pulled up close to his chest. Izuku was pretty sure he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. He had too much to think about.

2. Hungover

Izuku felt like he’d just closed his eyes when he woke up to the sound of Katsuki throwing up in the trash bin again. He blinked tiredly and yawned, and then looked up at Katsuki.

Katsuki looked terrible. Pale, almost greenish complexion; tired, bloodshot eyes; wrinkled clothes. Izuku didn’t need to ask to know that a hangover headache accompanied that particular look.

“Kacchan? How are you feeling?”

“What do you think? Like shit, dumbass,” Katsuki said, voice hoarse. “What are you doing in my room?”

“I wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything during the night. You were really wasted.”

Katsuki grabbed the cup of water from the nightstand and took a long drink. 

“Whatever, nerd. You wanna fill me in on what happened last night?”

Izuku hesitated. “Well… What do you remember?” Izuku wasn’t even sure how to approach the subject. If Katsuki had forgotten, wouldn’t it be best to just drop it and never mention it again? Or did Katsuki deserve to know what he’d revealed while he was drunk?

Katsuki furrowed his brow, thinking. “I had a few drinks, and then came back to the dorms…”

“What else?”

“You were in my room…” Katsuki said. There was a flash of vulnerability quickly covered up with anger. “I bet you loved seeing me like that, huh? A totally helpless idiot that you could feel all superior to?”

“Huh?” Katsuki had voiced a similar concern at Ground Beta, but Izuku had thought they’d worked past that. Apparently not. “No, you were drunk, so I brought you to your room and helped you go to bed. That’s it.”

Katsuki scowled and crossed his arms. 

Izuku hesitated and said, “You did, uh, tell me some things.”

“What did I say?” Katsuki asked, narrowing his eyes. When he saw the uneasy expression on Izuku’s face, he clenched his jaw, hard. “Shit. Tell me what I said. Exactly what I said.”

“You said… You said that you cared about me, but that you wished you didn’t because I don’t take myself into account.”

Katsuki scowled, his eyes flicking away.

“There was something else you said, too. Kacchan… Do you… like me? Uh, as something more, I mean?”

Katsuki’s tired eyes flew back over to meet Izuku’s. “Why the fuck does it matter to you, nerd? Looking for something to hold over me?”

“No, Kacchan, I—” I like you too!

“You want some gossip to share with your friends, is that it?”

“No, I—” I like you too!

“Get the hell out of my room.” Katsuki stood up, swaying on his feet a little before he grabbed Izuku’s arm and yanked him to his feet. “Out.”

“Wait, I–” Let me tell you that I like you too!

“Go. And if you tell anyone about any of this, I’ll fucking end you.”

Katsuki opened the door and shoved Izuku out, slamming the door shut behind him.

Izuku let out a long breath. How was he supposed to tell Katsuki how he felt if Katsuki wouldn’t let him?

3: Sober

Katsuki did an impressive job at avoiding Izuku for the rest of the weekend, always finding an excuse to leave the room any time Izuku entered and ignoring Izuku’s knocks on his door.

Izuku knew Katsuki’s routine, though, so Monday morning he woke up early to wait by the front door for Katsuki to come back from his 4am run. 

Katsuki pushed open the door a little before 5am. He was breathing hard and his skin glistened with sweat, and even in Izuku’s state of anxiety, he couldn’t help but stare. Hot and sweaty was a good look on Kacchan.

Katsuki froze when he saw Izuku, and Izuku quickly pulled his focus back to the conversation they needed to have.

“Kacchan–” Izuku started, but Katsuki was already striding past him towards the stairs. Izuku grabbed his arm. “Kacchan, stop. We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk,” Katsuki said, pulling his arm out of Izuku’s grasp.

“But the other day–”

“I was just starting to be able to tolerate you, but then you went and fucked it up by asking that question. What’s wrong with you?”

“Just let me talk!” Izuku snapped. “Maybe if you’d let me talk in the first place, you wouldn’t have had to spend all weekend being so dramatic!”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

“You opened up to me, and I didn’t do the same for you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel like I was just trying to get something to hold over you.”

Katsuki was silent, his whole body tense but his face betraying no emotion.

“It doesn’t really matter if you like me or not, but you deserve to know, at least… I like you, Kacchan. I have for a long time. That’s why I asked how you felt. You’ve always been out of reach, but I thought, maybe…”

Katsuki frowned. “Why the hell would you like me like that?”

“Because you’re amazing! I keep telling you, why won’t you listen?”

“I treated you like shit.”

“You know it’s always been more complicated than that.”

“This is what I meant when I said you never take yourself into account. Just let it go, moron.”

Izuku’s eyes filled with frustrated tears. “I don’t understand. I tell you I like you and you respond by telling me I never think about myself? Can’t you just tell me how you feel?”

When he saw Izuku’s tears and heard his words, Katsuki’s guarded expression cracked, showing something more gentle underneath. He took a deep breath, and the tension seemed to melt from his body.

“From what you told me about last night… I already did. It’s not my fault you’re too fucking stupid to connect the dots.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

Katsuki let out a frustrated huff, but he took Izuku’s hand in his. He took a step closer, bringing his face within inches of Izuku’s. 

“How many times do I have to tell you not to tell me what to do?” he said softly. He closed the last few inches and kissed Izuku.

Izuku had thought about this moment a lot. He’d spent a lot of time staring, as inconspicuously as he could, at Katsuki’s lips. He’d spent a lot of nights up late, wondering what it would be like. How it would feel.

It felt as good as he thought it would. Underneath the scent of sweat and smoke, there was something that was distinctly Kacchan, a familiar, comforting scent Izuku had known his whole life. All the thoughts disappeared from his brain as he savored the feeling of Katsuki’s lips against his and the heat of their bodies so close together. 

But doubt started creeping in after just a moment. What was Katsuki thinking? Had he ever thought about kissing Izuku before? Was he disappointed? Did he wish he could take it back? Maybe he–

Izuku didn’t realize how tense he was until Katsuki pulled back and met his eyes, gentle concern in them. “You don’t want this?”

“Please,” Izuku said. His mouth was dry and the word barely came out, so he swallowed and tried again. “Please don’t stop.”

The corner of Katsuki’s mouth turned up in a smirk. “Thought so. Stop overthinking it, nerd.” Katsuki kissed him again, but it wasn’t long before Izuku’s mind started wandering again - should he be doing something with his hands? How long did kisses usually last? Should he—

Stop overthinking it, he reminded himself. He relaxed his body and melted into the kiss. It was messy but gentle, Katsuki leading and Izuku following, for now. Izuku absently noted the feeling of Katsuki’s hands coming up to cup his face, the movement of his own arms wrapping around Katsuki’s sweat-damp waist, pulling him closer because as close as they were, it didn’t feel close enough.

They finally broke apart, both of them breathing hard.

Izuku was so happy, down to the core, his whole body tingling with the delight of being so wrapped up in Katsuki.

But a cold sense of anxiety descended on him within a few moments. “This means something, doesn’t it?” He couldn’t bear the thought of experiencing this and then going back to how things were.

“You’re so stupid.”

Izuku’s lower lip trembled.

“Yes, okay? It means something.” Katsuki leaned his forehead against Izuku’s. “I like you, you like me. Let’s see where it goes.”

Tears spilled over, streaming down Izuku’s face.

“What the hell are you crying for?” Katsuki said, stepping back to take Izuku’s face in his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

“I’m so happy.”

“You’re so pathetic. Come here.” Katsuki pulled Izuku into a hug and rested his chin on top of Izuku’s head.

Izuku buried his head in Katsuki’s shoulder, holding onto Katsuki like he was the only thing keeping Izuku grounded.

“I’m so happy,” Izuku murmured again.

“I am too, nerd,” he heard Katsuki mutter back.

* * *

Katsuki had watched Izuku risk his life over and over to protect others, and now was watching him work himself to death to keep everyone safe. He knew first-hand that Izuku had always been like that, even before his quirk. He’d always been determined and selfless and willing to sacrifice himself if others needed it.

When Izuku had held his hand out to Katsuki when they were kids, it wasn’t because he was looking down on Katsuki. It was because he was kind. It was because he cared. It was because he knew that even if someone was strong, they still deserved help and support - something that Izuku himself seemed to have forgotten right now.

When they found Izuku, exhausted and giving up under the press of dozens of civilians controlled by a villain, he was relieved but angry. This fucking dumbass. Katsuki knew it. He knew Izuku would push himself too far like this, and then would push his friends away in an effort to protect them, even when they didn’t need protecting.

The fury subsided when he faced Izuku directly. Izuku, barely staying on his feet, eyes foggy and barely able to focus on Katsuki through his exhaustion. Katsuki felt the eyes of the rest of Class 1-A on him as he told Izuku what he needed to tell him. That Katsuki had always known Izuku was strong, even when Katsuki had tried to believe differently. That Katsuki was sorry for everything he’d done to Izuku. That no matter how strong he was, Izuku needed to accept their help now.

Izuku took a long time to absorb the words, and he finally spoke with a wavering voice, clearly a huge effort through his exhaustion. “I said you all couldn’t keep up with me. I’m sorry I said something so awful.”

With the words out of his mouth, he started to collapse. Katsuki rushed forward and let Izuku fall into his arms. “We get it,” he said, but he wasn’t even sure the nerd was even alert enough to have heard him.

Katsuki started to realize something else as he held Izuku in his arms, as he looked at Izuku, his face dirty and scratched but now so free from worry now that he was asleep.

Katsuki was in love.

He was still stunned by the realization as they got Izuku home.

He was too stunned to go into action against the crowd that was preventing Izuku from entering U.A., which was the only thing stopping him from blasting his way through the idiots in their way, get Izuku some place he could rest. Instead, he stood steady and reassuring by Izuku’s side and let Uraraka convince the crowd.

He started to come back to himself when the boys of 1-A took Izuku to the baths. “We’re still rivals, including you, Deku—Izuku,” Katsuki said, splashing Izuku with a wave of water.

Izuku smiled at Katsuki’s self-correction of his name. “Too challenging? ‘Deku’ is fine, Kacchan.”

Little shit. Katsuki splashed him again and made his disagreement loud and clear, but even as he yelled, he felt warm and happy. Izuku was safe.

Izuku had said he was too wired up to sleep, but it didn’t take long before he slumped against Katsuki where they sat together on the couch, fast asleep. Katsuki glanced down at Izuku, his head resting on Katsuki’s shoulder. Izuku normally wouldn’t have gotten away with it, but Katsuki wasn’t going to move the guy when he was so tired.

And… He was cute. When had he gotten so cute? Freckles and curly green hair and a round face that radiated kindness, even when he was asleep.

Katsuki couldn't stop staring. He smiled and brushed a lock of unruly hair away from Izuku’s face.

He glanced up and met Icy-Hot’s eyes across the room, and immediately scowled, his cheeks starting to burn. There was no judgment in Shoto’s eyes, only the soft relief that all of them were feeling now that Izuku was back, but it was a moment Katsuki hadn’t meant anyone to see. He still was unsteady in his own feelings, he wasn’t ready for others to form their opinions as well.

One by one the others filtered out of the room to go to bed, everyone exhausted from the stress and exertion of their fight with Izuku earlier that day.

Shoto’s eyes lingered on them for a couple seconds too long.

“Good night,” he said. “Be nice.”

Mind your own business, you half-assed ice cube, Katsuki got ready to say, but he bit back the retort. He didn’t want to wake Izuku up, not now.

Instead he just nodded. Shoto left and they were alone.

Katsuki rested his head against Izuku’s. He took one of Izuku’s hands in his own and ran a thumb over one of the scars. There were a few of them, representing Izuku’s determination and sacrifice, and Katsuki thought they were beautiful.

Tiredness washed over him now that everything had calmed down, and he closed his eyes, not taking long to drift off to sleep.

He woke up to the sound of giggling. His eyes snapped open and he was met with the sight of Mina and Yaoyorozu snapping a picture of him and Izuku, leaning against each other with their hands intertwined, on one of their phones.

“Hey!” he shouted, startling Izuku awake. He jumped to his feet. “Give me that, now!”

Yaoyorozu laughed and dodged his sparking hands reaching for her phone. Mina blocked his way as Yaoyorozu tapped something on her phone. The phone made the whooshing sound of an email being sent. Small booms went off in Katsuki’s clenched fists.

“Who knew you were such a softy?” Mina said.

“Do I look like a softy to you?” Bakugo shouted, his fists now starting to smoke.

“What’s going on?” Izuku says, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Kacchan?”

“He was holding your hand,” Mina said.

“Whatever,” Katsuki said, throwing up his hands in irritation and storming out.

“You’ve really made progress, huh?” Katsuki heard Yaoyorozu say to Izuku from behind him.

“Oh, yeah… I guess…”

Izuku wandered into the kitchen to find Katsuki a couple of minutes later, still looking exhausted and ragged. He had dark circles under his eyes and he’d clearly lost weight in the month he was gone. Stupid Deku.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you like that,” Izuku said, yawning, as he slid into a chair at a table nearby.

“Yeah, of course your sorry ass would be too lazy to actually get up and go to an actual bed,” Katsuki grumbled, chopping up vegetables for an omelet.

After a moment, Izuku added cautiously, “We were holding hands?”

Katsuki scoffed. “Don’t look too much into it, nerd. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going anywhere again.”

“Aw, Kacchan.” Izuku smiled. “You missed me.”

“Shut up.”

Izuku was quiet for a few minutes as Katsuki whipped up the omelet with the ingredients that he knew were Izuku’s favorites. When he looked over at Izuku again, he was slumped over the table with his head resting on his arms, asleep.

Katsuki slid the plate onto the table in front of Izuku and nudged him. “Hey. Shitty Deku. Wake up.”

“Mmf?” Izuku blinked tiredly and looked up at Katsuki.

“Food.”

“You made this for me?”

“Yes.”

“Kacchan…” Izuku’s eyes filled with tears.

“Shut the fuck up and eat.”

Izuku did.

“Will you train with me today?” Izuku asked as he ate.

“I’m not going to kick your ass while you’re only half alive. I have my pride.”

“I think you’re scared because you know I got better.”

“Wanna bet, shitty nerd? Even if you got better, you’re still leagues behind me.”

“Ah, there’s the Kacchan I know and love.”

Katsuki looked away, flustered at the choice of words. Love. And the way he’d said it, so naturally…

“I mean, you’ve been going kind of soft on me since I got back,” Izuku said.

“I’ll beat you into the ground at training and then we’ll see who’s going soft,” Katsuki growled.

“Good.”

It took a couple more naps and another healthy meal, forced upon him by the other classmates of 1-A, but finally Izuku was deemed fit for fighting.

Izuku had gotten better. One month of nonstop work meant more mastery of his six quirks, and of using them simultaneously. But Katsuki had been training too, developing a couple of new moves, and within a few minutes he had Izuku pinned to the ground.

“I told you,” Katsuki said with a grin.

Izuku grinned back at him. “You did.”

God. This fucking asshole. He went through hell alone, he gave every part of himself to keep everyone else safe, and one day later he was already back to being his sunny, cheerful self. Now that he’d gotten some rest, the blank eyes he’d had yesterday were now filled with life and sparks of challenge.

“Izuku…” Katsuki groaned, and he quickly stood up and took a few steps away, running his hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

“What? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay,” Katsuki snapped.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Izuku looked like a fucking kicked puppy, big pleading eyes and small frown on his freckled face and Katsuki couldn’t stand it. He wanted to walk over there right then and kiss him. If Izuku were anybody else, he would have.

But it was Izuku, who he gave shit to relentlessly for years, and he had apologized - he’d had to, to get Izuku home, though he meant every word - but that didn’t change anything. That didn’t mean he had a shot in hell with this guy, or that he even deserved one.

“Kacchan?” Izuku said, tilting his head slightly. Katsuki realized he’d been staring at Izuku for a few too many seconds and turned away, face burning.

“Forget it, nerd,” he grumbled. “Come on, let’s get back. You need some more rest.”

“I’m fine, I can go again,” Izuku said.

“No,” Katsuki replied. He couldn’t handle being close to Izuku, touching him, when all that was going through his mind was how much he wanted to kiss him. “You’re still recovering, idiot. You need a break.”

Katsuki started to walk towards the exit of the training room, and Izuku caught up with him, their shoulders almost brushing together. Katsuki gritted his teeth.

“Hey, Kacchan,” Izuku said softly.

“What, asshole?”

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

“I’m not,” Katsuki scoffed, and he wished that were true so that people - Izuku - wouldn’t think he cared as much as he did.

“Kacchan…” Izuku had stopped walking, so Katsuki stopped to look back at him.

The idiot had tears welling up in his eyes. Fucking crybaby. Izuku sniffed. The tears started to spill over, and they wouldn’t stop.

“Everything you told me, I… I never thought we’d get there, you know? I thought…” He sniffed again and then Katsuki was in front of him, Izuku’s face in his hands, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

“Hey,” Katsuki said, his voice gentle. He cleared his throat and tried again, gruff. “Hey. Knock that shit off. The new symbol of peace can’t break down crying all the time.”

Izuku looked up at Katsuki with a wavering smile, his eyes still shining with tears. And then he threw his arms around Katsuki and pulled him close, burying his head in Katsuki’s shoulder, and all of Katsuki’s thoughts disappeared from his mind at the close contact.

“You’re amazing,” Izuku said. “I couldn’t have gotten here without you. You know that, right? You know that I think you’re amazing?”

Hesitantly, Katsuki brought his arms up to hold Izuku. “Yeah, I know. Everyone thinks I’m amazing.”

Izuku let out a little laugh-hiccup. “Thanks, Kacchan.”

Katsuki huffed. “Yeah. Don’t mention it. Pathetic crybaby. Come on, let’s go back.”

Katsuki couldn’t deal with his feelings, so he tried his best to avoid Izuku. Which was hard, because Izuku was everywhere, being fawned over by Class 1-A. And secondly, Katsuki was worried about him, felt anxious every time he was out of sight (what if he took off again?), so he moped around in the corner of the room, keeping an eye on Izuku.

They were all stressed and wired up, having to be on standby for defeating Tomura before the deadline, but they also had to do their best to remain rested enough that they would have the energy to fight when it came to it.

Katsuki had trouble falling asleep. He was sure they were all having that problem, with Japan on the brink like it was.

So the knock on his door was something of a relief. He slid out of bed and padded over to the door, opening it up.

“Izuku. You couldn’t sleep either?”

“I did, but the nightmares… With Tomura. So many people got hurt, because of me.”

“Why’d you come to me? Don’t you have Iida, or Todoroki or someone?”

“I can go if I’m bothering you,” Izuku said, starting to turn away, and Katsuki grabbed his arm.

He sighed. “You’re not. Come in.”

They sat on the floor in front of Katsuki’s bed, leaning back against it.

“It was my fault,” Izuku said, resting his head against Katsuki’s shoulder again. Katsuki went rigid for a moment before forcing himself to relax. He needed to be a calming presence right now. “I shouldn’t be at UA right now.”

Katsuki sighed. “Christ, Deku, for someone with such good grades, you’re really fucking dense.”

“Hey!”

“All for One was going to happen with or without you. What happened is not on you. You did everything right. Even right now. Listen, I’m not saying this because I care about you, but - if you run yourself into the ground until you can’t get up, you’re not going to be any good to anyone. We need you safe here so we have a fighting chance against these fuckers.”

“Kacchan…”

Katsuki was going to melt if he heard that name out of Izuku’s lips one more time.

Izuku was looking up at him, and Katsuki hesitantly met his gaze. Izuku’s still-shining eyes flicked down to Katsuki’s lips for a moment and then back up to Katsuki’s eyes.

Katsuki couldn’t breathe. Time seemed to slow, his heart pounding loud in his chest.

Izuku closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to Katsuki’s.

Katsuk kissed Izuku back. He brought a hand up to rest on the side of Izuku’s neck, the tips of his fingers brushing against the curly green hair. The butterflies in his stomach were something new. Unexpected, but good, making his entire being aware of what he was doing.

What had he been waiting for? This was perfect.

This was wrong.

He pulled back and quickly looked away.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” Izuku started to say, his voice embarrassed and barely audible.

“Why the hell would you do that, moron?” Katsuki asked, eyes carefully avoiding Izuku’s. “After everything? After how I treated you?”

He heard Izuku sniff and finally looked back at him. Tears were streaming down Izuku’s face again.

“We’re more than that, Kacchan.”

Katsuki considered scolding him for crying, again, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. This moment was too important.

“Even when you were mean… You were something that pushed me to improve myself. You were the ideal I wanted to reach. When we got to U.A., when we started talking again, I was so happy. I missed you.”

Fuck, this nerd was sappy. Katsuki grit his teeth to stop his own tears. “You deserve better. Anyone else. Uraraka likes you. She defended you out there. Be with her. You’re close with Icy-Hot, maybe him.”

“But I like you,” Izuku said. “I have for a really, really long time.”

Katsuki shook his head. “Christ, I’ve always told you that you were dumb.”

“How do you feel?”

Katsuki scoffed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Getting into this emotional territory is a little lame, Deku.”

“Katsuki.”

Katsuki was a little jolted by the sound of his actual name.

“I like you too, okay?” he grumbled.

Izuku beamed up at him with such excitement that Katsuki couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle. “Nerd.”

He leaned forward and gave Izuku another brief kiss, the taste of Izuku’s tears salty on his lips.

When he pulled away, he met Izuku’s gaze and held it. “This thing with Tomura isn’t going to be easy. But you’ll be there for me, and I’ll be there for you. We all will. No more nightmares, okay, dweeb?” Katsuki ruffled Izuku’s hair.

“I probably won’t have any more nightmares if I stay here.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki raised an eyebrow. “Fine. But no funny business.”

Izuku snorted. “I should be the one telling you that.”

Katsuki laughed. “I’ll hold back. For now.”

Izuku got to his feet. It was even more obvious from this position that Izuku had grown up. He had grown so much from the timid, unsure Deku he’d been just a couple of years ago.

“Just give me a second,” Dean whispered to him. He closed his eyes, trying to remember the words of the spell. The first few came back to him when he concentrated. Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus. Satanica… Omnis… Omnis spiritus satanica…? It sounded sort of right, but not quite.

Remember yet? Sam signed to him. He crossed his arms, throwing Dean an exasperated look.

“Look, this is our third demon exorcism!” he growled, trying to remain quiet enough so the demon couldn’t hear them. “Give me a break!”

“Everything going okay?” the demon asked, pacing around the edge of the trap. It watched Sam and Dean with a hint of amusement on its face.

Paper? Sam signed. The way this case had gone down, they were mostly out of resources. No cell coverage, the Impala parked two miles away, all of their books and notes back in the motel.

“You know it?” Dean asked.

Of course.

“Great. Well, can you…” He wiggled his fingers in the air. “Fingerspell it or something?”

Sam let out a short, silent laugh. Try to keep up. Dean was a fluent reader of fingerspelling, so he didn’t think it would be a problem. E-X-O-R-C-I-Z-A-M-U-S-T-E-O-M-N-I-S-I-M-U-N-D-U-S-S-P-I-R-I-T-… He held up a hand to stop Sam. He had been wrong. The words were too long and too Latin to put together in his head.

“Hold on, hold on,” Dean said. He ruffled around in his jacket pockets and pulled out a napkin. He held it up and waved it victoriously. “Paper.”

Pen? Sam signed.

Dean patted his jean pockets. Cell phone, some spare change… There! A pencil. He took it out. It was a short, eraser-less pencil from a bar’s trivia night. “This work?”

Sam rolled his eyes but grabbed the pencil and napkin. He unfolded the napkin all the way and rested it on a nearby, half-collapsed table. He ignored the phone number of the hot girl Dean had been flirting with last night and started scribbling the spell onto it.

He passed it to Dean a couple of minutes later after he’d finished.

“Took you long enough,” Dean said.

Just read it, Sam signed, and Dean smirked.

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus…”

The demon was gone less than a minute later.

“Enjoy hell, you son of a bitch,” Dean said, crumbling up the napkin and stuffing it in his pocket as he looked down at the now-unconscious ex-host.

Sam patted Dean’s arm to get his attention and Dean turned to look at him. I only keep you around for your voice, he signed. It’s all you’ve got going for you.

“Hey!” Dean said defensively, quickly trying and failing to come up with a retort.

Sam was already lifting up the unconscious guy left on the floor, and he shot Dean a pointed look.

Dean rolled his eyes and went to help.

I turn and look at the man next to me and feel an immediate sense of relief wash over me even as tears brim in my eyes. Dean. He’s propped up on one elbow, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Another nightmare?”

I nod. “Yeah,” I say, my voice shaky. 

“Hey. Come here,” he says, adjusting so there’s space for me to curl up next to him.

I bite my lip and lie back down, Dean’s arm wrapped around me now, my head resting on his chest. He brushes a lock of hair out of my face. “It’s okay,” he says. “Deep breaths. You’re safe now, I’ve got you.”

He breaths in and out, deliberately slow, and I match my breathing to the rise and fall of his chest. In… Out… In… Out… Slowly, my racing heart slows, becoming more evenly matched with the heartbeat I can feel beating in his chest. As the steady thump-thump-thump lulls me to sleep, I feel a light kiss pressed to my forehead.

“Better?” he murmurs.

With everything they were going through, there had to be some point to it all. There had to be something good watching out for them as they fought a war against all the evil in the world.

He looks in the direction of home. Dean’s still got another hour left at his middle school, and Dad’s still out hunting. No one will miss Sam if he stops in, just to see what the church is like.

He approaches the front door of the church, feeling a pull towards it but also a feeling of wrongness, like he shouldn’t be here. Like he’s not pure enough to enter.

He’s about to turn back and leave when the door opens. The elderly couple leaving smiles at him and holds the door open, and it’s the invitation Sam was looking for. He gives the couple a small smile and slips inside.

He feels soothed as soon as the door shuts behind him. The rows of pews, the cross and altar at the front of the church, the religious art on the walls. There are a couple of people sitting in the pews, heads bowed in prayer, and a priest is taking care of some business up front. Sam feels calm, more calm than he’s felt in weeks.

He sits down in the last row. He’s never done this before, has no idea what to do besides what he’s seen in movies and read in books. He glances at the other occupants of the church and follows their lead, bowing his head and closing his eyes.

What now?

Hi, God, he thinks. Nothing. Sam doesn’t feel anything, no divine presence, no connection, no sense that anyone is listening. Why would God listen to him, Sam Winchester, anyway? He’s the last person on earth worthy of being heard.

But it’s about faith. He knows that. He takes a deep breath and keeps going. I don’t know if you’re listening, but… I want you to know that I believe in you, even if my brother says you aren’t real. I hope you can keep Dad safe. And I hope that Mom is happy up there in heaven with you.

He can’t think of anything else to say. Not this time. Amen, he thinks. He opens his eyes and stands up, giving one last glance around the church before leaving.

As he steps outside into the crisp fall air, he realizes he does feel a slight burden lifted. He feels a little bit less alone. He feels a little bit more protected. And he knows, with certainty, that there is a higher power out there.

Sam is fifteen.

He’s been praying every night since his first visit to that church. Sometimes he prays in church or kneeling next to his bed, but usually they’re informal prayers, sent from the backseat of the Impala in the middle of the night, or while staring up at the stars just outside the motel room Dean and Dad are in. He asks for protection or forgiveness or, usually, just for some sense of peace and comfort.

Tonight he prays that Amy will be okay. He prays that the future monsters his family will kill will actually deserve it. He prays that he and his family won’t go so far that it will put them beyond the reach of redemption.

Sam is twenty-one.

He’s been keeping up with the weird news, the kind only hunters look at. There’s been demon signs all over the midwest, and Sam’s not sure if Dad and Dean are there, but he knows that’s exactly the type of trouble they’re drawn to.

Tonight he’s sitting on the edge of his bed, head down.

“Hi, God.” He pauses like he always does, like he’s waiting for a response, but he knows he won’t get one. “Thank you, for everything. For Stanford and Jess and my friends and a life of my own. And… I don’t know if I have a right to ask, now that I’ve left them behind, but please protect Dad and Dean. Keep them safe.” He sniffs. “Amen.”

A shorter prayer than usual. He doesn’t know what else to say. But he knows God will understand.

Sam is thirty.

He’s tired, and his head is spinning, and every part of him hurts. He kneels in the confessional in the abandoned church, Crowley chained to a chair just a few feet away.

“Okay, um…” He clears his throat. “If anybody’s listening, here goes.”

Sam is thirty-seven.

He’s standing outside the church in Lebanon, a solid brick building with a steeple and stained glass windows. He walks in and smiles at the familiar sense of tranquility that every church has. The pastor walks by and asks if he needs any help, and Sam shakes his head. He’s just here to pray.

He sits down and closes his eyes. It’s been a long time since he’s prayed, really prayed, like he used to. It’s been a long time since he believed God cared.

Sam’s quiet for a moment, her lips moving with the count of the number of reps she’s at, until she finishes and sits back on her knees. She brushes a lock of her short hair out of her eyes as she catches her breath.“Good,” she says.

“‘Good’? What, you’re not interested in guys?” Dean asks, unwrapping his burger.

Sam shakes her head. She grabs a plastic cup from by the sink and fills it up to the top, then drains it in a few long gulps.

“So you’re a lesbian,” Dean offers.

Sam glares at him. “I’m not a lesbian.”

“It’s okay if you are,” Dean says, teasing, but he also means it. “You know I’ll love you no matter what.”

“I’m not!” Sam says. She opens her mouth to say something else, then takes a deep breath and bites it back instead. She sits down across from Dean and grabs a burger from the bag, ripping open the wrapping and digging into it.

Dean wants to keep joking about it, but Sam clearly seems done with that line of conversation, so he moves on. “How was school?”

“Good,” Sam says, his mouth full and his voice muffled. “We got our report cards today.”

“Oh?” Dean says. He spies Sam’s backpack leaning against the wall, a manila envelope peeking out of the unzipped top. He grabs it and pulls out the report. “Let’s see what Dad has to look forward to hearing about.”

“Dean!” Sam says, lunging across the table and trying to grab it out of Dean’s hand. Dean holds it out of reach, his eyes scanning the teacher’s comments near the bottom.

Sam is clearly a bright student, and could be a high achiever if he applied himself more.

Dean frowns. “Are you sure they gave this to the right Sam?”

“Dean!” Sam snatches it out of Dean’s hand but not before Dean confirms the Winchester written at the top of the page.

“‘Himself’?” Dean asks. “What, they think you’re a guy or something?”

“I am a guy!” Sam snaps.

Dean raises his eyebrows and lets out a surprised laugh. “You what? You’re telling me you want them to think you’re a boy? Why?”

“Because that’s who I am, Dean,” Sam says, her defiant eyes meeting Dean’s across the table. She crosses her arms.

“I don’t get it.” Dean tries to put it together in his head. She’s been tomboyish since she was a toddler, sure, but actually claiming to be a boy when she clearly is not? “Is this because you didn’t have a female role model growing up? You’re trying to fit in or something?”

“No,” Sam says.

“Is this because you’re a lesbian but you want to be normal?”

“Are you serious?”

“I just don’t understand.”

“Look, it’s simple,” Sam says. “I’m a guy. There’s a little bit of… asynchrony between this”—she gestures at her body—“and this”—she points to her head.

“But what about when you get older?” Dean asks. “You can get away with it now, you’re thirteen. But you’re gonna start, you know…” He doesn’t want to think about puberty, not in relation to his sister, but it is a point to consider in all this.

“Yeah, I do know.” Sam clenches her jaw. “I really, really know. I’m doing what I can.”

“Oh,” Dean says, and the pieces start to click together. “The working out and bulking up?”

Sam nods. “And binding my chest.”

Dean’s eyes flick down to Sam’s chest. Sam crosses her arms a little higher on her chest. “Dude.”

“You brought it up!” Dean says, feeling his ears burn. “So,” he says, desperately wanting to change the subject away from his sister’s boobs, “is there anything else that can be done?”

“Hormones,” Sam says. “Surgery.”

Dean’s eyes widen. “What? That seems a little… extreme."

“I’ve been doing research,” Sam says with a shrug. She frowns. “I just don’t know how to get the hormones. It’s not exactly like we have health insurance, and they’re pretty strictly controlled for people like me.”

“Strictly controlled?”

“No teens, for one. You have to have a note from a psychologist. Have to live as a guy for a year before you can start. All that.”

“Look, if it matters for you… I can figure something out for you,” Dean says. “If this is who you feel you’re supposed to be, I’m on board, okay?”

“Really?” Sam asks, a vulnerable undertone in his voice.

“Really, Sammy. Hey, I guess you’re lucky you got a name like Sam.”

Sam smiles. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Does this mean you’re my little brother now?”

Sam nods. “Yeah, it does.”

“Cool. I’ve always wanted a little brother,” Dean says with a grin. “Hey, you are into girls, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But not a lesbian,” he asks. Sam nods. “Oh man, I have so much to teach you.”

“Dean, I don’t want to learn it from you,” Sam says, a grimace on his face.

“Hey, that’s what big brothers are there for.”

“Dean.” Sam rolls his eyes. A thought must come up in his mind because he pauses and takes a deep breath, looking back at Dean. “Hey… Don’t tell Dad, okay?”

Dean nods, thinking about how their dad might respond. “Never. Not unless you tell me it’s okay.”

A corner of Sam’s mouth turns up. “Thanks, man.”

He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. 3:00 A.M. It was too early to be awake, but there wasn’t a chance he was going to get back to sleep tonight. He slid out of bed, the floor cool under his bare feet, and made his way to the kitchen, struggling to push down the constant sense of imminent, severe danger.

He’d just started brewing a pot of coffee in the well-lit kitchen when he heard, “Sam?”

Sam jumped and spun around, eyes wide. All the calm he’d managed to achieve while going through the motions of making coffee fled from his body in an instant.

But it was just Cas, standing in the doorway. Right. Who else could it have been? Dean was out hunting for Gadreel, and Cas was here to help heal Sam. There was no need to freak out. Of course it was safe. Of course.

“Sorry,” Cas said. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Oh, no, it’s—it’s fine,” Sam said, his voice uneven.

“Why are you up?” Cas narrowed his eyes slightly. “Nightmares?”

Sam nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cas asked, approaching.

Sam swallowed and closed his eyes. He saw fire and blood and an iron tang filled his mouth. His eyes flew open again. “No. No, I’m okay.” He took a deep breath, trying to convince himself as much as Cas that it was true.

Sam started to reach for a clean mug from near the coffee machine, but his hand was trembling. He willed it to be steady, but when that failed, he closed his hand into a fist and pulled it back. He didn’t want Cas to see him like this, weak and unable to hold it together.

“You’re shaking,” Cas said. He took Sam’s clenched fist and opened up the fingers one by one, holding Sam’s hand in both of his own.

“I’m just tired,” Sam said. He was acutely conscious of the warmth of Castiel’s skin on his. Something had shifted between them since Cas had come back human, with an expanded range of human emotions. He’d started to look at Sam differently, and Sam found that he liked it.

Cas shifted his gaze up to meet Sam’s eyes, and in his expression there was nothing but compassion. “It’s okay to be afraid,” he said gently.

“Yeah,” Sam said, nodding. “Yeah, I know. But—“ Another flashback this time, more intense. He gritted his teeth as he rode out the wave of nausea that overtook him. He was back in the cage, flames at the edge of his vision and his skin crawling in anticipation of the overwhelming pain that was sure to come…

Cas rested a hand on the side of Sam’s face, the distraction pulling Sam back into the present. “Sam.” Cas’s thumb lightly ran across Sam’s clenched jaw, and Sam relaxed it, closing his eyes and leaning into Cas’s touch. Cas’s touch—warm and gentle and intended only to heal and not to harm.

Sam opened his eyes again and met Cas’s gaze. Cas had been there for him when Sam had found out about Dean tricking him into allowing an angel to possess him. He’d been a rocksteady source of support as Sam had dealt with the memories of killing Kevin. And here he was now, helping Sam through the aftermath of a bad nightmare.

Sam felt a swell of affection and gratitude. He grabbed Cas’s trench-coat and tugged Cas towards him. Cas made a small noise of surprise, but then Sam was kissing him, and Cas was kissing Sam back. As he wrapped his arms around Cas, as Cas ran his fingers through Sam’s hair—Sam felt the tension in his body melt away. The claw of panic gripping at his chest loosened. The hyper-awareness of his surroundings faded as he focused on the here and now, him and Cas.

They broke apart. “Sam,” Cas said breathlessly, looking into Sam’s eyes with a dazed but longing expression. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at Sam like that, and Sam felt a satisfaction that pulled up the corners of his lips.

Cas’s hand slipped into Sam’s, intertwining their fingers, and he held up their locked hands. “You’re not shaking anymore,” he said, nodding at Sam’s steady hand.

It was true. The fear was still there—it always lingered after nightmares—but it was muted, diminished faster than it ever had before. “No, I guess I’m not. Thanks, Cas.”