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More wisdom from Jenna on #milktrails podcast, episode 23. The same truth goes for your pregnancy. There’s an unexpected hard spot somewhere along the journey of becoming a parent — for everyone. And as @brittabushnellphd once said, you just don’t get to choose when/where it shows up. For Jenna, it was pregnancy and again postpartum. Hear more at link in profile!
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How are you?
I loved watching this clip of Meghan Markle, and appreciated her and the interviewer’s honesty.
Whenever my friends have a baby: I let them know as much as I want to see their baby what I care most about is THEM. I ask how THEY are. I bring food and clean the house without even seeing them or the baby most of the time. Why? Because the fourth trimester is a real thing: and it’s not discussed openly yet...and that needs to change.
Since announcing my pregnancy: I am asked how I am feeling so many times a day, every day, and it is NOT annoying. It is wonderful. And a change: because when I was not pregnant: that was not a question people asked often, and when they did ask-they didn’t stop and hold eye contact with me to HEAR me and engage in a conversation with me. Now, they do. Now that my body is creating another body whether I’m feeling good or fighting a headache: they CARE, they empathize, and they are so curious. And it’s beautiful. It’s lovely to get to connect with people, to have them interested in what truly is a life changing experience for me.
I especially am grateful for it, because I know too well that it goes away once a woman has a baby. People push mother’s out of the spotlight once they give birth: and that’s when we need to be supported the most. THAT is when I want you asking me how you can help me, asking me how I am doing, stepping up to cover a class for me or send me something in the mail to bring a smile to my face.
To be honest: mother or not, everyone deserves to be asked genuinely how they are feeling, and they deserve to have their response heard. There are three things EVERY living thing wants: to be safe, heard, and seen.
After my friend’s give birth, I often don’t even ask if they need anything: because to be frank: they have no idea! I just say: hey, leave a key out and I’m gonna come by between these hours to bring food and clean up. I don’t go in their bedroom if they’re home, nor do I make a lot of noise so they feel the need to get up or come see me. I come in, I pick up stuff, I wash dishes, maybe start a load of laundry or fold stuff from the dryer, if I cooked for them then I get that put away, and I will bring water and snacks to the spots it’s clear they sit or lay at and nurse so they always have sustenance. It’s not about me, it’s not about the baby. And believe me: it’s not that I don’t want to kiss and hold and love on the baby: but when a person becomes a parent-whether they’ve adopted or given birth: that time is about the parents and providing them the support they need: especially those first 6-8 weeks as they re-acclimate to the new, fleeting, normal.
I want you to watch this video so you can see in her eyes the need to try and find the words, and the moment she takes to thank the journalist for asking her how she is, and for honestly saying that it is NOT fine: because women are made to feel SO badly for saying that. For needing help. For saying it’s hard. And sometimes, we need you to say it for us. I hope that changes. I hope people learn more about the realities of the fourth trimester: and not just for families who give birth, but for all new families: foster parents and adoptive parents, too! My wish is that we start understanding why the phrase “it takes a village” is TRUTH, and we rally to become the village for the people around us.
I hope we all start to ask people how they are doing, and stop to HEAR them answer with attention, empathy, and curiosity.
This lil Schnugglebuns McTootsyFarts is the cooooolest everything ever. #nosleeptil2019 #boobsaucebandit #nuggetlove #dottymo #fourthtrimester
@Regranned from @wives_and_mothers - Lets not pretend that breastfeeding is always as glamorous as social media makes it. Now I'm all here for the advocacy and normalizing but let's be honest sometimes it's not that fun. I secretly wish I could hand of the baby to someone for a day and NIGHT to get some rest but the crunchy, organic breastfeeding Nazi living inside me would never let that happen🤣 I know the benefits of breast milk definitely outweigh the desire to have my body completely back but I still fantasize about going out for a drank without the worry of contaminating my milk. Maybe that's why some women mommy shame formula feeding moms, because they secretly feel some level of unfairness. Meanwhile in the poverty stricken slums of the Philippines this is not even a real discussion. So interesting how privelege and money hungry businesses can create so much psychological turmoil. One mama crying cause she too poor to buy formula, ashamed to pull out her breasts, while another mama falling into a depression cause she failed at breastfeeding (cause no one could properly help her) and her baby on Similac. #theworldwelivein #postpartumreflections. @herholisticpath. · · · · #fourthtrimester #mmfanpics #tellitmoms #motherhood #blackmomsblog #blackishmom #blackmomsdobreastfeed #uniteinmotherhood #motherhoodrising #blackmomsdobabywear #mommyblogger #newmom #natural_mommies #blackmomskillingit #stopcensoringmotherhood #breastfeeding #breastfeedingmom #blackwomendoclothdiaper #breastfeedingaversion #bf #postpartumbody #blackmoms #blackmomsblog #breastfeedingart #normalizebreastfeeding #breastisbest #breastfeedingwithoutfear #mamasmilk
I'm so love with these illustrations by @momisdrawing. She captures the beauty of breastfeeding in such an honest and raw way. My own breastfeeding journey has been one full of joy and frustration, of success and feeling like a failure, AND full of love for my daughter. Despite its difficulties, it has all been worth it. I'm proud to say we're 3 months and still going strong. ❤ P.S.- No matter how you feed your baby, you are an amazing mama! #fedisbest #breastfeeding #normalizebreastfeeding #pump #bottlefed #breastfed #motherhood #fourthtrimester
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I've made beautiful babies. #Starseed #LNH #Dayfour #Fourthtrimester #Newborn #motherhoodunplugged
My motherhood is like this milk stained shirt that I've had on for two days. My motherhood is messy and full of trial and error, there's been plenty of bumps in the road. My motherhood is full of love and #blackjoy. In the words of Solange, my motherhood is "weary of the ways of the world". My motherhood is letting my girls, who will one day be women, know that they are important. Lately my motherhood has been finding time for #selfcare by simply washing and retwisting my locs in one sitting. My motherhood is dedicating most of my time to my children while still finding space to hold it down for my husband. My motherhood is trying to be present but still giving the babies a snack while I lay down and scroll through my timeline. My motherhood isn't perfect, but it's my greatest adventure still unfolding. This is my motherhood. #honestmotherhood #fourthtrimester #blackmotherhood
First post partum "run"! It was only 1.5 miles and I walked half of it but it felt good! Running is just my exercise. I love doing workouts at home and they feel great but running is where I get my results. I can reset. I get the most challenged. Find what works for you and do it. . If you haven't read @funeral4myfat 's book "Funeral For My Fat" and you need motivation and somewhere to start, get that book! . #postpartum #pregnancy #fourthtrimester #motd #beautifulyou #beautyblogger #makeuptutorial #sahm #momlife #realmotherhood #fitmom #funeralformyfat
