Royal Punch (chapter 22)
Dimi sat on her hands as she felt nauseous. The elevator was bad enough, but this giant box with seats was horrible to be inside. Her heart was beating as crazy, it got worse after she looked out the window and was reminded that the gondola was thirty meters above the ground and that if it should fall then it would not just be her and the other passengers who was trapped inside this death machine who would get hurt, the creatures below them would get crushed like bugs.
Dimi looked around her. The gondola had eight seats, each coated in some sort of fur. She sat on the seat next to the window because it was the farthest from the door, an attempt to feel less anxious about being in the contraption. A mistake since it was impossible for her to not take a peek out the window now and then. On the door was an illustration of a dwarf’s head and below the drawing was a sign where you could read that her name was Bismuth and how she had invented the gondola line for the city. On the seat in front of Dimi sat a minotaur lady with black fur and hair covering her eyes in a red dress. Her daughter was leaning her head against her and taking a nap.
Dimi could feel a massive amount of spit in her throat, wondering how the brat could be so calm about the situation. Her blood then turned to ice as the gondola jounced and then stopped moving. Dimi held her breath and didn’t move out of the spot while the minotaur and her kid casually stood up and got out of the door.
“It’s the end station.”
Dimi turned her head to see an elf in a blue uniform and a beret at the door.
“Miss, you have to get out.” The elf with six fingers on each hand looked at Dimi patiently. “Hope you had a pleasant trip.”
Dimi didn’t answer as she stood up and steeled herself as she realized she had to get inside another elevator. “Next time, I will just walk…”
***
The Asparagus Resident Complex had been close to the gondola station. It was a big square building that looked like it was about three floors tall. Dimi could also see something that looked like the top of a birch that would have to have been planted on the roof.
Dimi was exhausted, being stressed out had eaten every bit of energy in her body. But before she could throw herself into her new bed in her new apartment, she had to meet her landlord.
Dimi couldn’t recall ever seeing a satyr without horns, or at least not a male one.
Tryphon was a middle-aged Lacaune-type satyr. He was tall, hornless, wore a massive set of round glasses and was dressed in a long green coat. His wool was white as snow and he had a full beard that was in a shape that Dimi had no other word for than pointy.
“Welcome to the apartment complex, young lady.” Tryphon gave Dimi a handshake and a kind smile. “I understand you had a long journey. I hope it went well?”
Dimi smiled and shrugged. “Well, it was a bit boring, but that's about it. This town is huge.”
“Yes, I prefer trumpets myself.”
Dimi blinked. “What?”
“Follow me, I will show you your flat. The dwarf you're gonna share it with won’t be here till later this evening.”
“Can you tell me when they will be here? I have to go somewhere but would like to be there when they arrive. You know, make a good first impression.”
“Oh, that won’t be a problem, there is a toilet everyone shares here on every floor.”
Dimi narrowed her eyes, slightly annoyed. “No, my flatmate, FLATMATE!”
“Oh, one minute…” Tryphon picked a horn-shaped object from the left pocket of his coat and held the pointy end at his ear. Runes had been painted on it, enchanting the ear trumpet. “I forget now and then that I’m heavy of hearing. Could you repeat that?”
“My flatmate, when will I meet them?”
“Oh, she shouldn’t be here till sundown, I believe. Here, your key.” Tryphon gave Dimi a beg key that was grey and brown-tainted. “You will find your flat on the third floor, door C2. If you need me or have any questions, then I will be found in my home to the left of the front door or I will be on the roof, tending my garden. We expect you to pay rent on the last day of the month. We have no elevator, sorry about that.”
Dimi smirked. “I don’t mind. At all.”
As Dimi went up the stairs, Tryphon scratched his chin as he placed his ear trumpet back in his pocket. “Hold on… Archibald said it was a dwarf, right? Oh well…” The satyr shrugged and went to his apartment to fetch his gardening gear.
***
As Dimi entered the room, she dropped her bag of belongings and stretched her whole body, creating small popping sounds between her shoulders. The trip had made her stiff as a plank and she only now realized that she was hungry.
She looked around the apartment. The entryway was slim, there were hooks on the walls for clothes. There was doors to the left, right and one at the end of the entryway. The door straight forward led to a room that had a green sofa, a table with three chairs and a small kitchen. Dimi checked that the sink worked. It did, so did the heat crystals at the stove. But she found no pots, pans or knives, so she would have to talk with her new room mate about that.
The doors that were to the left and right of the entrance of the apartment had bedrooms. Each had a bed just about big enough for one person, a small shelf that reached Dimi’s waist and a window so you could see… well, not much but other apartments and a very grey street. Dimi fetched her bag and threw it on the bed in the room to the left of the front door.
“I call dibs, roomie.” Dimi stretched one more time, cracking her neck. She then sat on the edge of her new bed, leaning against the wall and made a deep sigh. After feeling as if she was gonna fall into a coma, she then smirked as she thought of something that made her grin.
“I’m gonna meet Devil Daisy.” Dimi snorted and smiled like an idiot.
***
After a very very VERY long walk that made her rethink her decision to never use the gondola again, Dimi had managed to find the place where she would get to meet the greatest boxer who had ever lived. She felt numb in her legs as she had walked in circles using a lousy map to find her way through a town that made Onyxville seem small and clean. She had almost twice stepped on a gnome and gotten yelled at by a fairy she had accidentally elbowed as he flew past her.
Dimi wondered if tiny creatures couldn’t just get their own city to live in. Then she wondered if that was a bigoted thing for her to think.
But she didn’t dwell on it as she now stood in front of a building with a sign over the front door that said Rough Gym.
As she opened the door, the first thing that hit Dimi was the smell. Sure, the gym Willie the Satyr owned that Dimi had worked in had smelled like sweat. But this gym? This gym made Willie’s seem like a flower boutique in comparison. The stench of sweat, tears and blood made Dimi’s throat tighten. The next thing that she noticed was the noise. She could swear that everyone in this room jumped and punched in a specific rhythm. She looked around the gym. There were mirrors places up the walls that creatures of different types stood in front of, either shadow boxing or jumping ropes. Benches were placed next to the mirrors where creatures sat and shouted commands at everyone in the gym. Dimi noticed that she was stepping on sand, then realizing that it came from a punching bag that a dwarf was punishing as if he had something personal against it, resulting in it getting a hole that same came out of. And in the middle of the big room was a boxing ring where a satyr woman who leaned against the ropes shouted something at an eagle-harpy.
Everyone in the gym were of different races, some of them creatures Dimi had never seen. Heck, she even spotted an elf doing jump ropes. The only thing they all had in common was that they were drenched in sweat.
“This is the coolest place I have ever seen.” Dimi said out loud.
“I know. Say, could I get in?”
Dimi turned around and saw a satyr with long black fur and curly horns. He looked like he was in his thirties and he used crutches. Dimi didn’t mean to stare, but his legs didn’t look… right.
“Oh, sorry.” Dimi moved away from the front door so the sheep-man could get inside. “Do you… work here?”
“No, I co-own the place.” He let go of one crutch, but a piece of rope was tied around his wrist that was connected to the crutch. He offered a handshake and smiled. “I’m Bud. I don’t believe I seen you around here?”
Dimi grabbed Bud’s hand. “I’m Dimi. I have a letter from Ivan the Minotaur, I’m supposed to-”
“Ooooh, you are Ivan’s kid? Then you wanna meet Daisy. Follow me.”
Dimi walked slowly as she followed Bud, but the handicapped satyr was surprisingly swift. They reached the boxing ring at the center of the room. Now that they stood next to the ring, Dimi could better see the two creatures who stood inside it. The eagle-harpy looked young, probably around Dimi’s age, and wore headgear and a pair of big gloves used for sparing. The satyr with tired eyes that made Dimi assume she was past fifty was wearing a blue tracksuit and the zipper had been zipped down, revealing more of her fluffy fur. She also wore a pair of gloves, but no head protection. She had white fur with a brown pattern that made her face look like a skull from a pirate flag. Dimi then noticed that the gloves had broderies of flowers on them.
“Oh shit…” Dimi couldn’t help but gawk as she recognized the fur pattern.
“You are not listening to me!” Devil Daisy leaned her back against the corner of the ring as she scolded the eagle-boy who gave her an annoyed glare. “You think it is all about speed and strength, but that only gets you so far while you still haven’t reached your thirties.” Daisy lightly jabbed the beak of the harpy. “You still think boxing is about hitting someone, but any fool can do that. Na, kiddo, it is about NOT getting hit. Strategy, you get me?”
Bud elbowed Dimi. “Listen closely.”
“Focus.” Daisy patted the harpy on his headgear. “Body language.” She patted him again. “Strategy is what separates a boxer from a chump with a face filled with bruises!”
The eagle boy ruled his eyes. “Whatever…”
“Oy! What's with the attitude?” Daisy raised an eyebrow. “You think you can take me? Lets go.”
“What?!” The eagle boy’s eyes were now wide open.
Bud shook his head. “Man, here we go again…”
“You think you are so smart?” Daisy raised her gloved fists and rolled her shoulders. “Show me what you got, punk.”
The eagle boy narrowed his eyes. “Dude, I’m not gonna hit an old lady, that’s just- HEY!” He took a step backwards as he got hit in the head by a left hook. Daisy made small jumps as she moved left and right. Her satisfied smirk made the eagle boy extremely annoyed. “Okay, you are asking for it, grandma!”
Dimi had both fight and seen satyrs fight, most of them basing their fighting style on their enchanted hooves that allowed them small bursts of speed. So she was confused as she saw Daisy holding up her gloves to protect her head and only moving backwards as she got a barrage of punches. She now had her back against the ropes as the eagle punished her for letting herself get caught.
“I know what you are thinking.” Bud said, smiling unconcerned. “But just watch.”
After half a minute, the eagle boy got tired. Then, with a smile that almost looked creepy, Daisy punched the young harpy on the forehead and then planted a solid punch in his stomach, making her young opponent step backward.
“Oh! I think I get it!” Dimi turned to Bud. “She used the ropes, right?”
Bud smirked. “What do you mean?”
“It’s like… she let herself get against the ropes. And she could then lean against them so she could roll with the punches, making him run himself tired, right?”
“You are pretty sharp.” Bud laughed. “Yeah, you are right. It’s called rope-a-dope.”
Dimi turned her attention back towards the ring to see Daisy make a series of light punches, making her younger opponent trip and fall. The satyr smiled and placed her gloved fists on the waist. “So? What did I tell you?”
“Yeah, yeah, got it.” The eagle harpy groaned and he got up and then snaked his way through the ropes. “Strategy wins, got it. I’m hitting the shower coach.”
As soon as the harpy was far enough away, Daisy replaced her satisfied smile with a grimace and groaned. “Ooooh, my back…” She leaned her arms and overbody against the ropes and moaned.
“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Bud got himself closer to the ring and then patted Daisy on the forehead with one of his crutches. “Is playing you are thirty again worth your back killing you?”
Daisy shrugged as she took off her gloves and dropped them on the canvas. “It’s the best way to get the kids to respect you, you know?”
“Right, and it has nothing to do with you wanting to prove you still queen of the jungle?”
“Get off my back, Bud. I’m sixty-two years old, I’m not a child you can scold.”
“Then act like an adult!”
“I will show you adult, Buddy.” Daisy stretched her back, then got through the ropes and got down from the ring… and then wrapped her arms around Bud and gave him a big kiss.
Some of the creatures in the gym teasingly whisted and laughed.
“Ah, shaddap!” Daisy smirked, then noticed Dimi. “What is the human doing here?”
“Ivan’s kid, she just got here.”
“Ah…” Daisy tilted her head and studied the human girl. “Dimi, right?”
Dimi could feel her entire body trembling. THE Devil Daisy was talking to her. “Ma’am, it’s a huge honor to-”
“Fight stance.”
Dimi blinked. “Eh?”
“Fight stance.” Daisy had her arms crossed, looking impatient. “Show me.”
“Oh… Oh!” Dimi blushed as she spread her legs, clenched her fists and raised one next to her head and the other lowered a bit, as if she was ready to attack.
Daisy gave her a bored look. “Your chin is out. That’s not a good sign. And you fight head on, eye to eye?”
Dimi blushed even more.
Daisy then walked around her, poking her on the shoulder. “You are stiff as a tree.”
Bud tilted his head. “Don’t you think you are being a bit hard on her?”
Dimi felt as if she was a ten year old who showed off her new drawing of a griffin, only to be told it looked like a dog.
And Daisy looked like someone had skimmed on the meat in her sandwich. “Okay, I had low expectations when I got the letter about you. Sure, you are a human, not built for fist fighting. But your stance? It looks like you have been trained by a minotaur!”
“I have…” Dimi felt stupid as she said that.
“Good for you! But you are NOT a minotaur, you are not seven feet tall and wide as a barn door..” Daisy poked her again. “You are slim. Ivan wrote to me that you are undefeated, so my guess is you have been fighting nothing but chumps.”
Dimi stopped being embarrassed and instead got pissed. “Hey!”
“Had you been anyone else, I would have told you to bug off my gym.” Daisy rolled her eyes. “But Ivan is an old friend… So I will, despite seeing that you are mediocre as heck, try to make something out of you.” Daisy patted Dimi on the shoulder. “If nothing else, I get to enjoy watching you trip over your own feet.”
All of Dimi’s admiration for this sheep-woman had been replaced with burning anger.
***
After the very very VERY long walk home, Dimi decided that she would now be okay with risking her life stepping inside a gondola. She forced herself up the stairs of the apartment complex to reach her door on the third floor. She had just been told by a living legend that she was completely hopeless and she just wanted to fetch a pillow and scream into it.
But one last terrible surprise awaited her.
As Dimi opened the door to her apartment, she could see that her new roommate was about to open the door to get out.
Her new roommate was about her height. She was bald as an egg, dressed in a blue tunic and had bare feet. She had pointy ears as well as pointy tusks. But more importantly… Her hide was green.
The orc girl was clearly as displeased as Dimi.
