#forever flame

But, can we talk about kaisoo?

that kinda Love that ignites all your desires and just sets' your heart on fire the kinda Love that lights you up inside like the fourth of july

SMK. 4.5.22

Also, if you're going to burst in after months of no contact. After months of me moving on and finding some happiness...to "try" to settle things...but start off by calling me an "an egotistical moron", insulting me, and failing to learn anything even after I spell it out for you...you are a fucking idiot. Sorry, not sorry. This was never about actually making amends...it was about trying to placate me while still keeping me in your grasp. Well, I don't care if I knew you personally or not, you are sjw scum....you have shown your true colors...and recently you've confirmed everything I suspected. And like Jenna, you fail to accept responsibility, fail to own up, and instead believe your own false narrative you created to push the blame on everyone else but yourself. You tell me to grow up, but fail to realize the hypocrisy in that statement. As you have leaned NOTHING, and continue to use your baggage to absolve yourself from everything. I'm no saint either, but at least I OWN UP to my mistakes. But whatever, you are no longer my fucking problem. Fall on your own sword as many times as you like. Don't expect me to flinch. I don't care anymore. Bye Felicia, don't let the door hit you.

The Pacific northwest has captured my heart. It's beautiful here, I love how buildings blend in seamlessly with forest. Some things have happened. Nothing terrible, just a plot twist here and there. All I'm saying is that I have more reasons why I can't wait to visit home at the end of the year. And, I've been low key researching things like "cost of living" and "jobs in Washington". After I pay my dues, I'd like to settle in new digs after. And this place is amazing. One day. But anyway, I still have to deal with what's coming over the next month, both professionally and personally. That's also a tomorrow problem. I've been scribbling some poetry lately . I guess, saying what I feel has kept me inspired. This one is dedicated to my soc jus pals. Well, more like to those who resist them. 'Fires of Rebellion' Our names won't be remembered If we die on our knees in submission I refuse to be forgotten Written off as apathetic Call them out And be called 'misogynist' Disagree with them And see them triggered You no longer live as cattle Will you rise and join the battle? There are people that live off fears And their words are like knives As they play with our lives They'll try to control you As if they own you Will you let them steal your freedom? Channel the anger swelling inside you Fighting the boundary till you break through Deep in your soul there's no hesitation So make yourself the one they fear There is wild fire inside you Burning desire you can't extinguish Your crimson flame Rips through the twilight This is the moment for war As for me, well, I have a month left before I have to deal with that elephant in the room. But if things go as they have been lately, I believe everything will unfold as it should.

Well, as promised, here I am again. So, let me sum up what happened over the blast month. I started off at a very low point. My heart was shattered. My hope was crushed. My fighting spirit...waning. But, it was also at this time I thought about things...and things did not add up. So, the dragon lady and I hashed it out. And then again. And one more time. Until she convinced me to not walk away, which was the original plan. She said she needed me....which I'll admit...I was not expecting to hear. So, despite all the advice from those still loyal to me, despite my own instincts telling to still walk...I did the opposite. Because, I still cared very much for her. Because, if this was any other person, I wouldn't have. But she isn't just another person. And because, despite all that has happened, the good times and her kindness were genuine. Pretty much one of the few things that actually was. And I gave as good as I got in that regard. So, I stayed for her. But, I subtly let it be known, that things wouldn't be exactly the same. I forgave, but now my guard was up, and the kid gloves would be off from here on out. Which is funny that it wasn't that whole issue that caused the schism that is now happening. No, it was over Ghostbusters of all things. When I found out her soc jus colors, and how deep they ran. It was pretty disappointing, I'll admit. Every sjw tactic was used against me that day. I knew how to counter them all, because this wasn't first rodeo. She swore fire and brimstone because she's a dragon or something. I can't look at those posts now without chuckling. But it was here, at this point when her colors were revealed...that a spark was set off in me. And reignited everything that was fading away in me. I guess it was a moment of epiphany for lack of a better term. I had compromised too much of myself for one who really never saw it. I had seen that, while I considered her an equal nerdcore wise, I had feelings still, I felt for what she endured...no one should be above critique, disagreement...and well she started the argument. She commented on my post. And I am not an sjw, I don't block, unfollow, or safe space myself. I will respond in kind. Guess the dragon was prepared for another force to stand against her. Fire...my fire. An inferno. And I made that clear. So, she safe spaced herself. It took a lot of willpower to not laugh loudly at the gym that day. But then, things happened as I predicted...as I knew would happen. Everything I called, came to pass. To say I felt vindicated is an understatement. I know the nerdcore community. And while many have fallen to soc jus, many others don't buy their brand of crazy. The proof is right there. I don't know what the point of all that was, but if it was meant to bother me in some way, well...it didn't. If anything, I felt a giant burden lifted from my shoulders. My mood has improved. My nerdcore and fighting spirit back. I went from embers to a blazing inferno. So, I moved on. Posting, laughing, getting through the day with my groove. I tried to date someone locally. Another southern girl. That was a mistake. See, I noticed something...four southern girls later....I realized that while they are nice folk and that whole southern charm is not a myth...they are fake asses. This one did a piss poor of lying with the lame ass excuse they gave. And when confronted, they get outraged at you for catching them in their lie. Hilarious. But that's okay, I moved on pretty quickly from that one. For in two weeks, something good that I feel has been a long time coming, will finally happen. I have high hopes for what comes next. Things right now, both work wise and personal life, are aces. That pendulum effect. It has been an eye opening few weeks. All these revelations that happened, some disappointing, some uplifting. Also, I realized that one of so-called advisors was just a troll and a traitor all along. Fucking Jenna...well...I suppose if one good thing came out of all.of this, is seeing the true colors of those you held in high regard. To me, betrayal is a cardinal sin...one of three. The other two being lying/withholding information and hypocrites. But at the same time, I was equally surprised with the understanding and civility of one of the dragon lady's friends. I really was expecting...well...not that. And that...well...made a lot of difference. I appreciate that, and while the first impressions of said person were not great years ago, I'm glad I stuck around and saw how great this person was. A budding nerdcore soul and a friend. No matter what will happen in the next couple of months, how it all unfolds, I wish this person well and hope all her plans for happiness come true. Which brings me to something I've been putting out of mind till now...what's next? What do I do? I could stick to the original plan and walk. Or maybe work something out. I don't know. I can't read minds and I don't know what's going on in hers. Perhaps she's doing the same thing as I am, and occupying herself with other things to avoid thinking about it. I dunno. It's sad, how it is though. Despite the aura of soc jus in her, despite the aggravating stubbornness...I still respect her. Still consider her a nerdcore icon...if a slightly misguided one...and yes...I still have flashes of feelings there. But, it's not the same. And while I'll never forget the good times, the times she was vulnerable and in pain...the times I was and opened up to her....the kindness...and what I did for her....things have happened. And it won't be the same. Which sucks, because if I do stick to the original plan, I know what that will mean. And while this is for me and for self respect, for moving forward, I would take no joy in it. Because I really did love her...if nothing else than as a close friend. To quote the Eleventh Doctor, "Sometimes winning is no fun at all". But if there is one thing this experience has done for me, it has been a reawakening for me. I feel like there's light and life in me again. It was...a baptism of fire. But at a cost. Fire is awesome, but it does not discriminate. Sometimes, things must be burned away. I hope I'm wrong there, but I must prepare if if I'm not. I suppose as the days to October are close, I'll find out for sure. But as for me, the flame is lit. And while it may weaken again, I know I can pull myself out and reignite. Forever Flame. Bye for now.

Well, here I am again gang. And in a far better state than I was a month ago. The pendulum has swung, both in personal life, and in the overall battle for the nerdcore community. I decided to split this into two parts, one focusing on my fight against sjws, and the other focusing more of what's being going on with me personally which I will post later. My predictions for how Ghostbusters and Suicide Squad would fare turned out to be completely accurate, as I knew they would. Not to mention how for the first time in a long time, DC has overtaken PC Comics...I mean...Marvel Comics in sales. Again, all due to the fact that A: People love great stories first and foremost...especially when they give due justice to the character, series, creators, etc and B: When our little soc jus friends aren't force feeding them their extremist and overreacting crap. Safe space and echo chamber all you want, you can't hide from the truth. Plus, the news about Gawker. Hahahahahahahahahaha! Yes! You see, Gawker has been a long time hub for sjws online, and through sites like Kotaku, have been spreading the soc jus disease into the nerdcore community. These were the assholes that were responsible for the infamous "Gamers are dead" article. For nearly two years we resisted the soc jus tide, and for the last 10+ months the pendulum finally began to swing in our favor a bit. Now, thanks to Hulk Hogan and Peter Thiel, two victims of Gawker's shady soc jus practices, along with resistance groups like Gamer Gate and the Nerdcore Resistance...Gawker has been sued into bankruptcy...sold off...and now has only a week of life left before it is shut down. This is a HUGE victory to based folk, free and creative speech, and the nerdcore community in general. Though the fight against sjws will continue, this means they now have one less crutch to lean on. In essence, we blew up their Death Star. Obviously, now they will probably double down and stubbornly fight on. And that's fine. But I hope they know that we're not stopping our momentum now. Though I can't speak for the rest of the nerdcore community, I have my personal goals on what I would consider total victory. First, we resist and best them at every turn until they lose their influence, give up, and go the way of Jack Thompson, the Senators who tried to ban gaming in the 90's, and those dumb ass church groups that tried to ban Dungeons and Dragons in the 80's for "satanic reasons". The second part is a bit more tricky. And that is, what happens next? What I mean by that is this, you wanna know why sjws aren't going away...why they started off with such a strong advantage? Because many of them...are us. Yes, many were part of the nerdcore community, and we're swayed politically into the sjw fold. And so, they want to control and dictate what content and stories are best for everyone. Many have fallen from the lifestyle and turned. Even I know some personally who did that, or revealed their true colors...including a fellow nerdcore icon. That was disappointing, for many reasons. One of which is this...I have been fighting or standing up against those who've threatened the lifestyle for years...and while it has been a hell of a run...I want to just step back and just go back to being a Nerd who just focuses on the life. Twice I tried to find someone to pass the torch to. Twice I thought I finally found that person whom I considered a close friend. Twice they revealed what they really are...and has saddened me in the process because I thought they were better than that. So here I am, still defending the lifestyle against people that should be my brother and sister nerd and geeks, but have betrayed the principles to "social justice". And here we are now. Anyway, my point is what about them? Some will probably want to shun them for good and make them pariahs. But...I think in the case of a few of them...including that said fallen nerdcore icon...I think it's best if we bring them back into the fold with an open hand, instead of dealing with them with a closed fist. No matter how much of the kool aid they drank...in the end they are nerds and geeks at their core. Again, referring to those I know personally when I hung out during better times, they are just as passionate about the life as I. And I feel with some civil dialog, and hopefully an understanding...reconciliation can happen. The nerdcore community has been splintered for too long, and it's time to make this house whole again. That, I feel, is the best way to go forward. So that the community and life can endure as it always has and move forward together. To quote Optimus Prime, "Until ALL are one." Join me in two days for part two...where I talk about how things are for me personally. And once again, I won't hold back. Because there's no safe space here lol. Bye for now.

Fire doesn’t die out.