#fonxharry

Hermione felt a headache blossom under her eyes.

“Harry, why do we have a dozen sheep in the front yard?” she asked Harry, hoping for a different answer.

Harry beamed and answered, “Fon called. He said he found some and needed to get them off his hands.”

With her perfect view from the window, Hermione saw one of the sheep eat one of the chickens. Hermione felt faint.

“Harry, your sheep just ate a chicken. Whole.”

Harry blinked for a few times. “Well, he did say something about it plaguing the countryside if left alone…”

This was just like that time Fon found a few hundred parrots that needed to be re-homed. Harry had, of course, agreed. Like she always would with anything her husband asked. And then it turned out they were parrots that had eaten a magical mandrake by accident and their cries would and could kill now.

And someone in Fon’s workplace had been breeding them to assassinate his enemies before Fon’s coworker Reborn noticed and killed the man...but not before getting saddled with the impossible task of moving a hundred song-killing parrots.

Harry had agreed when Fon called and her incredible Potter luck made sure that Luna tagged along and noticed the birds strange feather mutations and identified it before the birds could kill anyone else.

But it had been exceedingly close!! No matter how much Hermione stressed this out, Harry would always just shrug off the danger. And her damned Potter luck was not helping matters! Neither was Fon. He always wound up in such strange situations and needed Harry's help. Hermione rued the day they met.

“Harry,” Hermione said in warning. She was a bit nervous about this. If this sheep could unhinge its jaws and eat a chicken whole, what else could it eat whole?

Harry nodded obligingly. “Okay, okay. I’ll take care of it. Maybe Charlie would like to have his dragons play with man eating sheep.”

Hermione whirled around to shout, “Man Eating What!” but Harry ran out of the door to corral the sheep to Romania too fast to hear her.

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Part TEN of the VACATION ROMANCE AU.

Title: Surprises at a Corn Maze

Summary: Just this once, Fon was glad that his friends were all spontaneous assholes.

• Baking + washing up together

• Meet (cute or ugly, i couldn't decide) in the rain

• "why are there so many *ferns*?" (Or other plant/flower of choice

• "your house is surprisingly.... no wait never mind, I'm not surprised at all, this suits you"

Harry had just finished casting a silent, wandless evanesco on her bloodied skirt when a firm cough intruded on her pleased musings.

Oh shit, she thought loudly.

Then she turned and her brain added unhelpfully, Ohhh, my gosh.

“Excuse me,” the man said with a barely detectable Chinese accent on his words. “Did you just remove blood from your clothes?”

Her brain was silent, still starstruck on how attractive she found him. It was very annoying.

“Yes,” her mouth said on autopilot. “It’s a special talent.”

He smiled which did not help. Harry pinched herself before she could start drooling.

“Can I take you out with some coffee?” he asked. “I have a proposition for you.”

Harry kicked her mind out of the gutter.

Stop it, she thought loudly. Take out can mean food, or murder.

He can step on us and we’d love it, her libido supplied helpfully. It wasn’t helpful in the slightest.

“Yep, sure,” she said out loud. “Let me just take out the trash.”

She still had a bunch of dead bodies to dispose of.

.

.

“Let me get this straight,” she said around her strawful of boba tea and two servings of whipped cream. “You like wearing silk, except you also get into fights a lot. Therefore, you want my help in removing blood from your clothes because it’s a pain in the ass. Did I get that right?”

He nodded. “It’s either wear other, cheaper clothes, or fight naked.”

“Don’t I wish,” she muttered. Then her eyes widened as she realized what she’d said out loud, and she slurped loudly to cover for it. “You don’t like satin, I take it? Less expensive, can be machine washed?”

Fon, as he’d introduced himself earlier, choked on his tea. His ears burned. “No satin. I have a very sensitive skin.”

“I don’t have a charm for it,” she said, eyes glittering. He hadn’t backed away or seemed uncomfortable. Just embarrassed. Well then. “You’ll just have to carry me around with you then. I accept alternative means of payment.”

“Carry you around?” he asked weakly. He looked delightfully flushed but he wasn’t saying no.

“The stain sets in no matter what I do after the second hour,” she explained, taking another slurp and feeling very pleased with the way his eyes flicked down to her mouth for a second. “So yes, carry me around, or just fight naked.”

prompt: hair braiding/combing? Fon's hair is long af and honestly i think I'd kill to touch it but since that's not possible I'm willing to live vicariously through harry

Fon usually kept his hair tidy and his person neat, but sometimes, things just happened.

Things like exploding thugs.

The exploding part was new, but brain matter going everywhere wasn’t.

Fon sighed. Ah, this will be two hours in the laundry, and another hour in the bath. That’s not counting the long time it would take to fix his hair.

“Oh Merlin, I am so sorry,” a voice exclaimed.

Fon turned and. Hmm….

“Don’t worry, hazards of the job,” he told her, quietly admiring the lovely color of her hair and the bouncy fall of it. His hair was always pin straight and black, no matter what he did or how long he kept it in a braid.

“Still, I didn’t mean to explode him,” she confessed, looking distressed. “And it got all over your lovely clothes too!”

This woman, who was smaller than him, had taken out ten men in under a second? Fon wanted to swoon.

He felt like an opportunistic asshole when he said, “You can help me wash my hair,” but she brightened up like moonlight at the thought and he couldn’t help but melt a little.

Train taken hostage, situation like in first volume of FMA?

There was something sharp prodding her cheek and Harry woke up immediately.

Instincts from a year on a run made her duck and sucker punch the person in front of her without thinking about it.

When she fully blinked the sleep from her eyes, everyone was looking at her and there was a groaning man on the floor by her feet.

“What’s going on?” she asked with a yawn in her voice.

“You bitch!!” someone yelled.

Harry ducked before she realized what was going on, then she flipped the man and stepped on his shoulder blades.

She blinked at the man and his muggle gun and knife. She twisted her heeled boots on his hand and kicked away the gun before he could get back his bearings.

“No seriously,” she asked out loud. “What’s happening?”

An Asian man with a smiling face stood up, red silk and a long tail of hair flapping on his back. He had the gun she had kicked away in his hand and he was dismantling it easily. Like he took apart guns in his spare time or something.

“You interrupted a hostage taking of a train,” the man explained serenely, like he wasn’t just a hostage himself.

Harry nodded. Ah, a hostage taking. Just another par for course.

Take a holiday, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. No one ever said there would be so much walking. It was her second day in her overseas tour and she felt overstimulated from the entire experience of travelling.

Next time, magical travel.

“Oh cool,” she said. “Is this all of them or is there another person?”

On cue, there was an explosion of gunshots in the other car.

She looked at the man and the sure way he was standing despite the speed of the train. At the deceptive cut of his changshan and the ease which he dismantled the gun.

“Wanna come with?” she asked him.

His smile widened. “Of course.”

.

.

Some improbable acrobatics and discreet wandless magic (which she had to use, because she was not a martial arts prodigy, Fon. She was a normal human who can’t jump that far.), the hostage takers were down and Fon was steadily going through their pile of weapons and disassembling it beyond repair.

Harry took charge of the knives and blunted them.

One of the men groaned out awakening and she kicked him firmly.

“Do you have anything to tie them with?” she asked him.

Fon, without a sweat on him and silk changshan not even ruffled, nodded. He procured a lot of rope from nowhere. Harry was afraid to ask where he hid it.

“Ah, and I was supposed to be on vacation,” she sighed after tying up a truly large number of men. She hadn’t realized they were so many.

“I can take care of them for you?” he offered with disturbing eagerness.

She smiled wryly. “We want them alive for questioning, you know. Not in a ditch somewhere.”

He gave her a coy smile. “It’ll be less paperwork for you,” he purred.

For a man she’d just met, he had managed to read her and understand her character faster than all her friends combined. Strangely, she also understood him very well. They just fought together for thirty minutes and it felt like she’d been friends with him for decades.

“If you want, I’m busting an underground fighting ring next week. We’re not keeping and prisoners alive then,” she offered.

Fon’s eyes dilated and Harry’s breath hitched at the look in his face. “Yes?” she prodded.

“Yes,” he said in a low, quiet voice. His eyes flashed red fire and Harry wanted to squirm.

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