#foel

   ...And it just hurt Noel too much for words. He didn't get a goodbye, or anything. Nor any sort of warning, because he just seemed okay, like he would be fine in the end, when he was turning out to be anything but. He just didn't know how to handle someone leaving him not in death. So he immersed himself in just getting up in the ranking. Fighting everyday. Not letting himself think at all. At least Zig had been right in one respect...Getting up in the ranking took a long while. He didn't have to think about anything else for a year and half...And even if he wanted to say anything that was on his mind, he was unable...He'd ended up losing his voice after a while, all the fighting and the crying in between...It robbed him of his voice. And he couldn't say another word forever it would seem. It didn't bother him. Better he just keep quiet and stop crying or moaning on about someone who was a long way gone from his life. It was to his advantage in his fights now anyway... He earned his own title for once-

   -Silent Hunter Noel. He never said a word nor did he make a sound with his breaths or moves. It was...Eerie. Compared to the fact he used to smile and laugh, and never not talked for a single moment...It just showed how much he was hurting deep down inside. He barely even slept in the rooms he had as a home--Minus Tylong's settlement. That would always feel like home, because...Because there were no memories of him there. Everywhere else...Just hurt because it didn't involve...Zig anymore. Zig left because he was weak, but there were no goodbyes, and that hurt him even more than all the other losses in his life. All of them...He got to see them one last time before they died in his arms or in front of him.    

    This was not the case for Zig. He was like smoke. There one second, and gone the very next. And he hated that fact so much...But he understood. He couldn't not understand the feeling of being useless and wanting to disappear from the world. He knew it all too well actually. So...He'd let Zig have his solitude. He'd asked him to make his own goal come to fruition ..But what after? He had gave no directive for anything that would come after so now he...He had no clue at all. What was he supposed to do...? He just wanted to feel whole again, to have someone by his side...But all of that was far too difficult without being able to say what he wanted...And no one could actually take the time to figure out what he wanted to say either. Everyone else had moved on with their lives in Ghandoar, even quicker than he had. Sure, everyone missed the former last ranker...But they had their own lives now.

   Well Faz always wanted to drag Noel somewhere. It was a bad habit, because whenever he wanted to be alone on a free day...There he was, dragging him along just to do anything. He'd cook dinner for him, they'd all just go out and about hunting, or Missy would insist they go shopping for something--He was always wanted as company with the Cantaleran siblings...

   But Faz was always more than happy to see Noel, that much was for sure. He was always smiling when he came into a room, or when he finally caved into spending time with him...It was honestly far too odd for his own taste. Why would he always be so so very happy to see him? He was the cause of his best friend disappearing off of this earth, yet he was always giving a bright smile in his direction. He couldn't ask. Well...Verbally anyway. Maybe if he just wrote out his inquiry...Maybe he'd get to hear an answer from the cerulean ranker. An answer would keep his curiosity at bay...Maybe his little stupid assumption wouldn't be true.

   Because he sued to act the same way around Zig before they...They...No! Just no, not again. He'd hurt himself far too many times by letting people get so close to him...It was just so wrong to just let another person in, only to let them down in the end. He couldn't bear the burden of having someone...Having someone close to him again. It's not like Faz wasn't nice or sweet, he really was...But he still loved Zig, even though he wasn't wanted by him. Then again he wanted nothing to do with anything Ghdnaor related...And it had been nearly two years...Could he-

   -He should just wait for the Cantaleran's reaction before anything. No use in getting his hopes up for no reason...

   ...And look who just walked into his room too. Good thing he already had a notebook in his hands.

<small<   "Heya Noel why don't we-" Faz was already being dragged down to sit on the small bed, confused as ever. It wasn't like Noel to be, what's the word... Oh yes, forceful? He usually just nodded to whatever request he had and that was it...Never any conversation. Not that there could be any form of it, unless they both learned sign language, but who had time for such a thing...But there was a message for him, written on a piece of paper, which was unceremoniously shoved in his face.

<How do you feel about me, Faz?> ...Well that was an odd question. But...Was he catching onto his silly little crush? It wouldn't be a true surprise if he did, seeing as he was always dragging him around to do things. He liked the company of noel, ever since they technically met nearly three years ago...And well he couldn't bear to see Noel sad. He was one of those people who just weren't the same if they didn't always have a smile plastered across their face. It felt...Wrong. And well...He knew Noel's pain. He missed Zig just as much as Noel, if not a little bit more. But he didn't...He didn't want Zig to finally come back again and then be betrayed by the person who always had faith in him...

   ...But Noel needed some light in his life. Even if it was only until Zig came back...Which was highly unlikely. Zig was disgraced in his own eyes and there was no turning back from anything when it came to the ebony haired ranker. So if he were to make himself disappear, without a doubt he'd make sure to never be found. Unless he wanted to be seen, but that was another matter all together...

   "I dunno...It depends. How do you think I feel about me Noel, huh? Because that's a very strange question to ask someone out of the blue...So I'll ask you this, how do you feel about me, huh Noel? I know you can't say it, but writing down would be sufficient enough. I want to know how you feel...Before I tell you myself, because...He's my best friend, and I...I couldn't bear to hurt him any worse by going on my selfish desires..." He had to sigh, powdery white eyebrows furrowing in frustration. This...This was hard. And there was the hunter, yet again scribbling down on his little pad a response.

   <Well...You're always spending time with me. And I don't mean a little bit of hanging out here and there...You're always happy to see me...You always want me around...Do you...Do you have feelings for me...? Not like just friends, like, how things used to be with him...> He looked up at the other, a gleam of...Desperation. Did he want someone to want him like that...? Of course, it only made sense...He was fragile for a man whom had done so much. He needed someone to hold him up, like a pillar does a building. Faz could easily do that much for him...Nothing intimate as he would prefer, but maybe Noel just needed a little tending to, and he'd be fine.

   "Well I doubt I can be the same, but I think you'd like someone to just sleep next to and the like...Right? We can work from there if it makes you more comfortable, just so...You know...Get comfortable...? I...I uhm, never have been in something like this...Should we just...Uh...Lie down together...? I know you haven't been back in this room for a very long time..." How did this sort of thing work. Noel just nodded, making Faz just lie down, as they awkwardly tried to situate themselves...Noel was used to having someone smaller than him doing this thing with him...But ti ended up working a little bit. It was kinda...Nice to have someone hold him like this again. But ti only lasted for a bit, before Faz got called off to do an errand. He'd said he would be back before morning so he just decided...To wait. He wasn't tired, so no reason to sleep but...He wasn't alone...

   "...It's been a while, hasn't it?" ...Zig. Noel had to turn over a small, confused and a bit happy look on his face forming...What brought him here all of a sudden-Wait was he coming here to stay again...? He wished he could say something, but Zig simply shook his head, removing the hoof of his cloak, before sitting down, on the edge of the bed, and as far away from noel as possible. The hunter's gaze was then cast downward, before his lips curved into an circle, which would have uttered an 'oh' if he could still speak.

   "...Sorry for getting your hopes up, but I'm not staying Noel. I just wanted to check and see if you were okay after all of this time...And give Faz and order, but it seems that he has already taken upon himself to take care of you in my absence. It's sad I can't hear your voice again though...I missed it after all this time. Maybe it's my punishment for being a fool." He turned toward Noel, who just...Refused to look up as he scribbled down on the pages he had been using before.

   <Why can't you stay? Won't you please...For me?> And the former last ranker sighed, not liking that question in the least.

   "You know why Noel. This is no longer my home anymore. I'm disgraced, and I can't stay. I would like to stay by your side once again, but...It wouldn't be right. Before you felt inadequate standing by my side because you were in my shadow being last ranker and all...You don't want a disgraced man by your side. I mean look what I did...You can't and don't talk anymore, you don't smile...It's rare you ever be around anyone but Faz. I'm sorry...I should have said my goodbyes to you and him but I wouldn't have been able to make a clean break, but here I am again..." He sighed, shaking his head softly, streaks of gray in his formerly pure ebon locks...Stress would be the only cause of such an occurrence.

   Noel wanted to say something...He'd been keeping the last of his voice that he had left for when he saw Zig again...Might as well cheer him up when he needed it most now, right? "W-well...You should...Know that....I...I still--" He took in short breaths, trying to ignore how much it hurt to talk again... "--Love you." He grabbed at his throat for a moment, before Zig was fussing over him for a second, and familiar arms wrapped around the hunter once more.

   "I don't deserve the last word you actually are capable of saying..." Zig frowned, not wanting to cry in front of Noel. That was the very last thing he had done in front of him before leaving...Not again. "...But thank you. I knew you'd still...You always have been sure of me...And I'm sorry. But I'll have to go before Faz and everyone finds out who made that bitty distraction in the elevator...I can't make any promises, but I'll try and come and visit you, okay...? Or I'll find you when you're out and about, alright? Be good to Faz, please? I don't expect you to love him but...I still want him just as happy. I love you too...Always, got it?" He smiled softly, kissing the top of Noel's head. "So let's keep this a secret..." He gave a small chuckle, backing away, and out the window once again, with Noel shaking his head.