#fnfenjoyer

Another day, another issue, you were busy getting the next major project for the city off the ground. A massive new open air stadium for all varieties of musical talent. But, at the moment it was more of a fever dream than anything else. You had made sure the zoning permits were up to snuff, but now something had stalled construction.

"Boss, I really don't know how else to say it, but the train really did get derailed by a clown." You really weren't in the mood for this right now, only half listening to one of your Agents as they explained what happened.

"What about the truck deliveries?"

"Well, they are on their way, but that train derailment was just north of the main highway, they're stuck behind it until we get it cleared." You sighed as you felt headache start to form.

"I'll get it cleared in an hour, just make sure nobody gets crushed beneath a bulldozer again." Your Agents gave a salute before heading off. You needed to take a walk. Fortunately, the park wasn't far from the construction site.

Just sitting in the park was calming, even if you could hear the sounds of construction not far in the distance. It was a normal day, so the park was had at least a few groups of people walking through it, or playing basketball. You needed a vacation, but that would need to be after the stadium was done.

As you were relaxing you noticed the near neon blue hair of a familiar rising star. It seemed he noticed you as well, as you heard a distant Beep. He quickly made his way over to you, with you giving him an idle wave as you were more focused on relaxing.

"Badeebo Skra Dee!"

"I'm well, just taking a break from running the city." You looked around the park, before raising a shadowy eyebrow at him. "Where's Cherry?"

"Bo Dee Peep Skido"

"Ah I see, well I'm sure they'll be back before long. Family get togethers are usually a big deal." You shifted slightly so he could chill out next to you on the bench. The two of you talked mainly about how the city was treating him and his family, and how his family was. You only stopped when your phone began to ring. Sighing in annoyance you pulled it out and answered.

"What is it?"

"Hey boss? Remember when you told us to keep an eye out for people traveling from Nevada? Well we just screened three people coming in, and they were from Nevada, they also kinda shot Mark in the head and drove through the check point, and over Travis and James."

"Did you get their names?"

"Oh yeah! A Hank Wimbleton, Sanford, and Deimos. They didn't get to say what they were looking for when Harry decided to check their trunk. That's when they decided to cut and run."

"Do you know what kinda car they were driving?"

"Just a truck, why?" You looked up as he answered you, seeing a truck barreling towards you through the park. Wasting no time, you grabbed Keith and leapt into the air, just narrowly avoiding the truck as it plowed directly into the tree behind the bench, totaling it. You dropped Keith unceremoniously to the ground as you glared at the now smoking truck.

Jumping from the truck was the familiar form of the sociopathic hitman that hounded your brother's operations back home, Hank J. Wimbleton. From the cab of the truck stumbled out the clearly disoriented Sanford and Deimos. Deimos looked like he was looking for something, before looking back at the smoke filled truck and started searching in there, while Sanford stumbled over to a nearby ditch.

You couldn't see Hank's eyes behind his goggles, but you knew he knew you were a threat. Which to be fair, with the headache you now had, you very much were. Deimos eventually reemerged from the truck with a cigarette in his month, before he went over to Sanford, whom he helped up.

"If you think this will end well for you.-

YOU ARE SORELY MISTAKEN

Immediately Hank whipped out a pistol and opened up on you, his rounds didn't manage to hurt you, namely as they just burned in your body. You shifted over to him and cracked him across the jaw, sending him back into the truck. He came back, this time with a shotgun that caused portions of your body to disperse for a moment. You grabbed the shotgun and bent it in half, only for Sanford to join in the fight by trying to stab you. Your shadows grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into ground.

Deimos didn't seem to really want to join as he was talking with Keith, or trying to offer him a smoke. Hank's fists tried to connect with your face, only for you to grab him by the leg and started flailing him around wildly while Sanford tried to get back up. From Hank's pocket he pulled out a grenade, pulling the pin and dropping it right on top of you.

The flashbang had you drop him as you tried to figure out which was up. He opened fire with a Micro Uzi, which actually stung you due to your disoriented state. Sanford cracked you over the head with a crowbar, which snapped you back to attention, and flared your temper. Your shadow tendrils grabbed Sanford and started using him as both a weapon and shield. Beating Hank with him, and using him to keep Hank from shooting you.

The fighting was about get worse, when all three of you stopped when a loud Beep was heard. Hank, Sanford and you looked over to Deimos and Keith, when Deimos looked around before a second, before pointing his thumb at Keith.

"Badee Beep Peep Skra Tah!"

Hank looked at you for a moment, as you dropped Sanford like a broken toy.

"He asked if he could fight you."

Hank looked at him as he pulled out another uzi, pointing it at Keith, only for it to burn away into nothing. "Not like that, we do things differently around here." You snapped your fingers, causing your own speaker system to erupt from beneath Deimos, sending him flying before smacking into the ground next to Sanford.

Another snap of your fingers caused two microphones to appear, one in Keith's hand and the other in Hank's. "Simply put, you both will try and beat the other in a singing contest. Once the victor has been decided, the loser must concede to the victor's demands. Which means if you lose, you have to leave."

Hank raised an eyebrow at you as the speaker system kicked on. You hopped on top of it, usually where Cherry would sit, but you would need to substitute. Hank was used to killing things in numerous ways, but killing it in a Funk Fight was likely new to him.

Hank was quite adept at singing despite being mute, but time and time again, the fight went to Keith. Hank didn't seem happy with that as his grip on his knife tightened. You were about to intervene when a familiar clown laugh echoed through the air. Your phone rang again, with you putting it on speaker.

"Boss! That clown came back! I think he's hijacked an empty commuter train!"

You stared down Hank, and he did the same with you, both you snapped your fingers, which caused the surrounding area to revert back to normal, with the truck the trio tried to run you down with no longer trashed.

Sanford and Deimos got back into the driver and passenger seat, while Hank hopped into the back. He motioned that he was watching you as they drove off, but he didn't miss you flipping him off as they got out sight.

You let out a held breath and walked over to Keith, ruffling his hair.

Week 2: October 31st Halloween Night

Ah October, the month of horror, terror, and a dentists favorite time of the year. You never had really paid the month attention prior to babysitting Lila's son and his friend, but their love of the Spooky Month had rubbed off on you. You had opted to make an event out of every Halloween. You had thought of wearing a costume yourself, but you couldn't decide on one, you had thought of dressing up as your brother but clown makeup never stuck to your face.

So instead you went around the city giving out candy, your agents at the very least got into the swing of things, dressing up as all sorts of horrifying things, including one dressed as a tax accountant. As you made your way through the suburb you used to live in, you handed out various candies to the children who passed by you. As you carried on your way you came across Skid and Pump with two bags of candy.

"Hey Pump look! It's the Shadow Person!" Skid waved at you happily, Pump doing so as well after he shoved some candy into his mouth.

"Good evening you two." You looked around the neighborhood for a moment before leaning down slightly. "Where's Lila? I thought I had told you two not to go out at night alone."

"Mom is coming to pick us up! We were just at the Spooky House!" He pointed towards your old manor, you had left it not longer after the City was starting construction proper, your roommate Eyes had taken up permanent residence in the basement

"I thought I had also told you both to not go there alone after that whole thing with that 'Stranger' you both met"

"We didn't!" Pump protested, nearly dropping his bag. "We went with that boyfriend and girlfriend!"

"Boyfriend and Girlfriend?"

"Yeah!" Skid said, pointing back towards the manor. "Mr. Rockstar gave us enough money for Candy bags and just told us to have a Funk Fight with them! The boyfriend was really good! He beat us fair and square!"

You looked back at Pump barely registering his star blue eyes. "But they decided to stay there a bit until the thunder storm passed by, I think his girlfriend didn't like the thunder." He ate some more candy as you saw Lila's car driving down the street. "Before we left we met Mr. Cicierega, and he gave us some lemon candies!"

"Cicierega? I would have know if Neil was back in town, what did he look like?" Lila pulled up and gave you a polite wave, which you returned.

"He had a Lemon shaped head and a black body like you!" Ah hell you knew who they were talking about. You let the two go, and watched as the three of them drove off into the distance, but now you had to make sure that the Lemon Monster, demon, thing didn't eat those two.

Luckily you still had the key to the front door, ignoring the thunder you conjured for the evening. The manor was as ever eerily quiet, save for the faint music coming from further inside. That sound proofing still lasting even after all this time.

Gonna eat your girlfriend

Yeah, it was him, the only person who would Funk Fight in perfect English, which freaked even you out. You trailed through the abandoned manor until you came upon the room the music came from. As you expected there was the Lemon Monster, and Keith, with Cherry in her imp Halloween costume. You couldn't tell what Keith was dressed up as, but it was probably a Rapper. Cherry saw you and gave a happy wave, likely oblivious to the fact that the Lemon Monster actually wanted to eat her.

The song came to an end as the music faded, you let out a cough to get Keith and Lemon Monster's attention. The crooked otherworldly grin the Lemon creature wore widened at the sight of you.

"It is beginning to get late you two, and I also still own this property so can I ask you to leave?" you rummaged through the void that was your chest and pulled out two bags of candy. Keith looked a little sad at the fact he was getting kicked out, but you were having a good day and you really weren't feeling up to fending off a ravenous Lemon Demon just because Keith wanted another round.

"Come on! I think the candy shop might still be open so tonight won't have been a total bust." Cherry, seemingly getting the fact you wanted them gone so you could deal with the Lemon thing yourself. Keith immediately perked up at this, giving a Beep of confirmation. The two took the bags from your hands and left the way you came in. The Lemon Demon's gaze stared you down as his frown deepened.

"I thought you were still living in the old subway?"

Got Hungry, rats kept biting back, and weren't doing it for me anymore

"I wish I had time travel so I could stop myself from feeding you those tax evaders." You shook your head, before tossing a bag of candy at him. "Give me an hour and I'll get you someone to eat, maybe a televangelist or politician."

The Lemon Monster already tore into the bag. "Does Eyes know your bunking here?"

He let me in

You toss him a second bag. "Give him that, I'll be back later"

Week 5: December 23rd: The Mall

You weren't religious, but that didn't stop the city from preparing for Christmas, at the very least it increased revenue during the winter months. The Mall, the largest construct in the city, besides your office, was always busy, but during this time of the year it was near capacity 24/7. It had been a rather calm month up until the last week before Christmas Eve.

Which was because, as you were becoming painfully aware of, Luis Dearest couldn't not hassle his possibly future son in law. You were happy he and Monica were actually getting back together again, because the two were good for each other, but you really REALLY wished it wasn't over holding the Mall's Santa at gunpoint so they could have a dual Funk Fight with Keith.

Nobody but the Santa seemed to mind it, as it drew quite the crowd. Fortunately you had the foresight to make the Santa sign a legal waver with the clause, ha, that he wasn't allowed to sue if he was ever to be involved in a Funk Fight while being held at gunpoint, it may have been weirdly specific, but if you had a dollar for every time it had happened, you'd have enough for a gallon of milk.

Right now it was after hours, which is when you promised the Lemon Demon you would allow him to have his own little winter horrorland. Which namely entailed him spreading blood and guts everywhere, of which you had no idea where he got them from. Which included all over the Christmas tree. And, like a macabre star topper, he had made a frighteningly realistic fake head of Cherry Dearest, with his own flavor of horrible make up for it's face.

It reminded you a lot of Christmas in Nevada, and it wasn't that much of a hassle to clean up, the Improbability Drive helped with that. Lemon Monster would have his fun for three hours and you'd have it cleaned in under half an hour.

You were just busy on locking up the entire gargantuan Mall, when you could hear music echoing down the hall, the eerie singing of the Lemon Demon, and the beatboxing of Keith. As you made your way back, you were trying to keep another migraine from coming on. As you got back the music was dying down again. You had your arms crossed as you waited for the two of them to notice you.

Slowly, as if they knew what awaited them, they turned to face you, the Lemon Monster and Keith both sharing the same look of horror.

"Might I ask what you're doing here after hours boy?" He looked around for an excuse, when you saw a picture on his phone, quickly you drifted over and got a good look at it. It was a new games console, one that lauded it could play any game from any generation. Likely made by demons well versed in technology.

You heaved a sigh and pointed down the hall of the Mall. "Third store from the end on the left. You have ten minutes to find it and leave so long as you never mention this to anyone." He gave a quick and scared nod, before bolting in the direction you told him. You gave the Lemon Demon a look, which got him out of his little stupor before getting back to, whatever the hell it was he did for his winter celebration.

You rang your receptionist and told him to get some Strong Eggnog ready for you when you got back.