#fluid bonding

the post that was promised 🙌🏼

ok, so most folks are familiar with the idea of barriers to prevent STIs, like condoms and dental dams and gloves, but do you know why they work?

although disease-causing organisms can infect people through different pathways, most sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are passed along via fluid contact. blood, semen or prostate fluids, and vaginal/genital secretions are the main fluids of concern, although spit can carry a lot of germs generally. DON'T KISS ANYONE WITH A FEVER OR A COLD SORE, PLEASE. besides STIs, you also want to avoid getting things like mononucleosis.

so, if we prevent the exchange of fluids, we most likely prevent the exchange of infectious material, too.

i was having a hard time finding information on barrier methods for transfems with penises who no longer get erections. condoms generally rely on some amount of stretch or tension to stay on which is difficult to maintain on a soft penis even if you get smaller condoms. i don't have practical experience here, but given the physical changes that come with the influence of estrogen i would be more inclined to use lube+dental dams when performing oral and gloves for manual stimulation. if a transfem partner with a soft penis wants to top, it'd probably be safer to use a strap with a condom. TME people, please be mindful about creating pressure on your partner to penetrate you, in general and particularly considering the challenges toward practicing safer sex. any transfem folks who feel like sharing your experiences with your safer sex practices or further resources, please let me know and i will update this portion of the post!

"fluid bonding" refers to sharing fluids without the use of barrier methods with at least one play partner you trust and share health status information with, and committing to using barrier methods and/or new toys with anyone outside the fluid bond.

obviously, this can be entirely independent of romantic or monogamous involvement! however, it does require a degree of exclusivity:

"Scarleteen’s recommendation for going without barriers is: 1. Both partners getting full STI panels 2. Using barriers consistently for the next six months 3. Both partners getting another set of full (negative) STI panels before abandoning barriers."

this is to 1.) establish a baseline of health information and catch any infections before sexual contact occurs, 2.) continue protections while latent infections could still show up or other partners are in the mix, and 3.) to confirm that your barrier methods are working and no new infections have been acquired in the last six months.

there is a bit of stigma within polyamorous circles about the use of fluid bonding to indicate deeper connection and intimacy, but i think that's at least a little disingenuous because it is a deep and intimate thing to involve yourself in someone's health. i wouldn't share a bank account with everyone i've ever been sexually involved with either. why is my health status seen as a "lesser" intimacy? the conversation seems to me to be more about power dynamics and hierarchy than disease prevention. the more people you are fluid bonded with, the less that's actually an effective method of infection control.

maintaining safer sex practices is especially important if you participate in any activities that involve breaking the skin (whether scratching, biting, or with an implement) or contact with blood.

this is where universal precautions come in.

universal precautions are a set of infection control standards introduced in healthcare in 1985 in response to the HIV/AIDS crisis. the idea is that you universally treat all bodily fluids and waste materials as if they are infectious because you can't be certain that they are NOT infectious. originally, universal precautions were only applied to blood and certain body fluids, but they have been updated over the years to be more broad as we identified different pathways of infection.

this is a really important principle to understand when it comes to practicing safer sex, especially if you involve forms of edgeplay.

tests can have false negatives. doctors don't always run the full panel of tests when you ask for STI screening, sometimes they will just order panels for the STIs that are most common or concerning and you have to push them to order everything. you can't always rely on partners to know or disclose all the information that would be important to your health.

safer sex requires the awareness of disease and infection potential, which a lot of people would prefer to shove to the back of their minds, especially when getting sexy. but care is sexy! longevity is sexy! inclusion and accessibility is sexy!

Alright so when it comes to kink its worth asking what normal is. Is normal average? Because there's lots of kink activity thats not average or common, but that doesn't make it wrong to do with caution and consent.

Second consideration: is it safe? No. But a lot of kink play isn't safe, and neither is vanilla sex.

Choking as an example is a really risky kind of play. If you don't know how to position your hand you could easily damage the trachea, and you really dont want someone without oxygen for long because brain damage could occur. Someone should never be allowed to pass out from choking, thats an extreme risk.

There are safer ways of choking, like compressing the blood vessels in the side of the neck, but it's not risk free. The safest option is covering their mouth and nose but that's also not risk free.

Similarly, slapping in the face can cause injury to the neck if you dont brace their head, and it can bust an eardrum if your hand hits in the wrong place.

I think of most kink like bungee jumping or scuba diving. If you do it with knowledge and caution things shouldn't go wrong, but sometimes even with experience people doing everything right mistakes can happen. That's why you sign a consent waiver.

The approach I take is called RACK- Risk Aware Consensual Kink. It means you want to always be knowledgable about what risk could occur, you want to take all reasonable safety measures, and you want everyone involved to be freely consenting with full awareness of that risk.

In terms of knife or bloodplay specifically we're talking about something on the riskier side. Specifically you need to worry about blood-born illness and the possibility of infection from unclean equipment, you need to know exactly where and how deep to cut so you can avoid arteries or significant blood loss, and you need to be aware of the fact that just dropping or slipping with a knife could cause real injury.

Psychological Safety

Beyond that knives and being cut are things that cause real visceral reactions in people. Its really really hard to predict how you or someone else is going to react to that, and whenever you're doing kink of any kind you need to be ready for the possibility of a psychological response that means you have to stop and give or receive care.

That counts for both the cutter and the one being cut, sub and top drop are real things, so even if the scene itself goes well its really important to check in with each other and take care after it happens.

I personally have been hit with immense feelings of guilt after a scene that was fully consensual and went well. I had fun while i was doing it and so did my partner, but it's also a lot of adrenaline and when that wears off sometimes self-judgment creeps in.

As kinky people we're constantly fighting against societal perceptions of us as morally problematic, and sometimes that crashes in on you. Luckily I've had partners i could check in with, who would reassure me that they had fun and I'm not a monster.

The sub might also have feelings of guilt or self judgment after a scene, but also any cutting or blood loss carries the risk of shock, so it important to make sure you have something like juice on hand for them after, to make sure they can get their blood sugar up. It's also important to make sure cuts are properly cleaned and bandaged after.

In general you only want to do this with someone you trust deeply and feel comfortable speaking up to if something is wrong. Its extremely important to be able to communicate openly and honestly with anyone you're going to do kink with.

Physical Safety

In terms of physical safety, it's best to do this with someone you're fluid bonded to. Fluid bonding is mutual consent that your bodily fluids can be in contact with each other, often this means cum but it can mean blood too.

The reason this is important is because bodily fluids can carry STIs and other infections. You want to get fully tested (including hepatitis and HIV, which aren't always routinely tested for) before fluid bonding with someone. If you have multiple partners it's important to always get tested again between them. Always be aware of what you may be exposing yourself to, and know that even being as careful as possible doesn't completely eliminate risk.

If you or your partner is on blood thinners, has drank alcohol, or has something that causes excess bleeding or difficulty clotting its probably best to avoid this entirely.

Otherwise is also very important to be knowledgable and careful about where and how you're cutting. You want to be knowledgable and careful about your equipment too, because something like a little rust could cause tetanus.

Im going to say absolutely do not do knifeplay until you thoroughly read this resource: https://www.knifeplay.io/safety

Even if you dont buy the book, just scroll down. It's got extensive information about how to choose equipment, safety in terms of where you're cutting and how, as well as other risks to be aware of and what to do in an emergency.

I cant lie, it's a lot of information and you need to know it all. Knife-play is a fairly advanced kind of kink, and its one of those things that requires a lot of studying (in case you didnt know most kinksters are fucking nerds).

Its more information than I feel like I can reproduce here, and honestly that resource has it all written out really clearly.

General advice

This is already in that resource but I'm going to talk about it anyway: if you're going to do this, start slow. You don't know how you or your partner will react, so start with something that you cant really cut with. If you cover someone's eyes, a cold butterknife can feel like its cutting without actually doing so. Its never safe to put a real knife to someone's throat so this is how I get around that. Knife play is a kind of fear play so creating an illusion works well. Ill show my partner a real knife, cover their eyes, and switch it out for something safer.

Even if you aren't doing that kind of thing though, start out with something relatively hard to cut with. You can find wooden or acrylic knives like these:

https://www.chaotickink.com/knives

Which can break the skin with enough pressure but aren't as dangerous as something sharp and metal. You'll likely want to avoid actually cutting at first, try just running the knife over skin or scratching with it to get a sense of how it feels and how you react.

You also want to pick something small, light, and easy to control. The buck knife they use in debaser is what I would call an extremely risky option. It's heavy, large, and the curve of the blade makes it hard to control if you don't really know what you're doing.

If you get to the point of actually cutting its worth also going very slow and light, different peoples skin vary in thickness, some people slice more easily than others, different people bleed at different rates too, and you can always cut more but you can never cut less. It can also help to restrain the person being cut, minimizing any sudden movements that could knock a knife out of position.

Talking to you partner

So yeah, this part is important. Its always scary bringing up a new kink with a partner, and I think that goes double for stuff like this that might freak people out. Im lucky in having had some really kinky partners who were very into the idea, so it felt relatively safe to talk about.

It helps if you can explain why you want it, what you would get out of it. For me it's partly the fucked-upness and the fear reaction, as well as some knife and blood fetishism. But it's also the immense trust I'm being given when my partner lets me do this. Im not joking when I say it feels incredibly romantic to me, and I genuinely enjoy patching them up after.

Beyond that though, I think its important to recognize that consent is an ongoing practice. You never want to do something like this if both parties aren't fully in for it, and you always want to make sure you're doing it on a day you both feel healthy and ready for it. It's fine to put things off even if you made a plan, and you should always feel safe backing out even after giving consent.

To summarize:

It’s not that Vi Davis wanted to be alone. It’s just that the outside world doesn’t seem very welcoming for a shy, nonbinary introvert - especially one who can read minds.

But when the gorgeous Hester Milojević approaches Vi in a crowded sports bar, it doesn’t take telepathy to figure out that they share a mutual attraction - even if Vi suspects this towering blonde is way out of their league.

That suspicion deepens even as the two get to know each other better - especially as Vi struggles to reconcile so many emotionally overwhelming first experiences, along with Hester’s mysterious hot-then-cold behavior, and her claims to be something impossible: a vampire.

But even in a world that seems intent on tearing them apart, Vi and Hester can’t help but grow closer to each other - that is until the past and prejudice of their own families threatens to drive a stake through the heart of their relationship once and for all.

Curious about what we're reading? Here's a sneak peek at one of our current reads! The Sapphic Book Club is getting in the season with Fluid Bonding by Sienna Eggler, a paranormal romance that's certain to get us in the spooky spirit! Read on to hear more.

It is always a good idea, but in short no, it’s not absolutely necessary.

If the basic STI panel (gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, etc.) and both generations of HIV test (they check for past and recent exposure) come back negative and neither of you have pubic lice (aka crabs), then then the risk of STI transmission is very minimal as it’s unlikely there are any to transmit to begin with.

A term you should know is “fluid bonding”. It refers to choosing to allow sexual and other bodily fluids to mix without barriers like condoms or dental dams. People choose to do this as a form of deep intimacy and trust.

Fluid bonding is generally safe if there is no risk of transmission (or all parties involved have the same STIs, but there are complications with remission and strains there). There are two warnings however. Do not engage in bloodplay without proper training from a qualified instructor. If you engage in analingus (rimming) without a dental dam, even with a fluid bonded partner, you risk parasitic infection. That is a rather unpleasant experience (trust me). As a general rule, if something is going into a butt you really should use protection.

Depending on what your unspecified medical issues are there may be a very small chance of pregnancy occurring, and that is a risk you need to take into account. If you menstruate, try not to have sex on higher-risk days just in case.

I hope this is helpful to you. Congratulations on going to meet your girlfriend! I’m sure you’ll be very happy. Also, I’m flattered that you trust me a lot. <3

Though it’s unprofessional to say, #same.

The obvious answer is to simulate ejaculation with a toy designed for this purpose. The advantages there are that you don’t need a partner, and you can have an impossibly large amount of simulated ejaculate. You could also douche, however douching is not good for either vaginal or anal health (with some exceptions). The vagina has a specific pH level it maintains and messing it up can increase risk of problems such as yeast infections. The anus itself is fine with water, but the rectum produces a mucous membrane that keeps things flowing without irritating the intestines.

If what is attractive to you is less the feeling of being ejaculated into and more like the knowledge that you pleased someone enough to make them ejaculate, and if the pretending doesn’t work for you, there are still some options.

With any new sexual partner you should both get tested for at least a basic STI panel (gonorrhea, syphilis, etcetera) and HIV. The former you are unlikely to get from unprotected sex if everyone in your sexual network (all the people you have sex with, their partners, and their partners, and so on, including sex work clients) does not have them. HIV, however, is different. It can be transmitted through unprotected sex of course, but also through contact with HIV+ blood, pregnancy, and sharing needles (essentially contact with blood). If anyone in your sexual network (a monogamous couple has just two people in the network) regularly does anything involving blood or uses recreational drugs involving needles I highly discourage pursuing this fetish or having unprotected sex with them at all.

With that out of the way, there is the concept of fluid bonding. Sometimes partners who know the other doesn’t have any STIs (or has the same ones as them) place great trust in each other and have unprotected sex regularly. This literally mixes their sexual fluids (sometimes other fluids but please don’t mix a lot of blood as that can be extremely dangerous, even fatal) and so everything one person has the other does as well. This is a valid choice people make but it’s not one to be made lightly. A warning: please do not choose to fluid bond with a partner who has any STI that you do not, especially if they are HIV+ and you are HIV-. As much as you love them and as much as such things should not be stigmatized, for your own health it is not worth it.

I’m going to be unprofessional again for the end of this post. I really like the idea of being ejaculated into as well. For me it makes me feel a lot more feminine and so is good for dysphoria. Before I accepted that I’m a girl I did sex work and abused drugs, partly for that reason. I put myself into very dangerous situations and I don’t want you to do the same for any reason. I feel like an aunt with thousands of niblings and I care about you all.

This is probably why I don’t really date.

Not properly.

Not easily.

Sex on its own isn’t complicated for me.

My body is familiar territory.

Touch doesn’t automatically mean closeness, and access doesn’t equal intimacy.

That part of my life is contained.

But fluid bonded — in my personal life — feels different.

It feels like something crossing over into a space I usually keep guarded.

It’s not dramatic.

It’s not some big symbolic gesture.

It just… lands heavier than I expect.

Dating has a way of pulling emotions into places I normally keep separate.

Things start to stick.

Feelings creep in sideways.

My body attaches faster than my brain wants it to.

And the weird part is how uneven it can be.

To him, being fluid bonded can feel like nothing much at all.

A preference.

A moment.

Something that doesn’t need to mean anything.

To me, it feels like letting my guard down in a way I don’t do often.

Like allowing closeness that doesn’t come with distance or structure to keep it contained.

That’s the part I struggle with.

Not the sex — the aftermath.

The emotional residue I’m left sorting through when it mattered more to me than I planned.

So I keep my personal life small on purpose.

Careful.

Because once that line is crossed, I feel it — whether I meant to or not.

It’s not regret.

It’s just awareness.

Some things that look casual from the outside carry a lot more weight once I’m inside them —