#fluff katseye

your daughter was at the age where secrets felt absolutely magical, her favourite pastime was keeping secrets, anything she could guard or hide with her tiny life became the absolute most important thing on earth; despite her being six— she had never slipped up once

“guess what?” she asked you, crayons scattered over the counter you’d given up on cleaning

“what?” 

“today my friend told me a secret.”

“oh yea? what was it?” 

“a secret is called a secret because you can’t say! i’m zipping my lips and throwing away the key.” she mimicked tossing something behind her back

you shook your head with a playful smile, “go tell mommy that i need help with dinner.” 

the little girl rushed upstairs, calling megan down. “mommyyyy! mama wants you!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, her socks sliding across the hardwood floors 

༘⋆

later that week, you hear the both of them giggling away at something— not the usual, friendly giggling— it was the type that was the mischievous kind, when gianna was up to something

your curiosity got the better of you and you decided to peek your head through the door of the small room that they were in. 

your daughter quickly shoved the empty shoebox she had underneath the couch, as if she’d been caught stealing something valuable, along with the crayons and stickers, “mama NO!” 

megan looked over at you, flashing an apologetic smile. “it’s a top secret club..”

“top secret club! and you can’t join.” the little girl's hands rested on her hips, she stood proud and tall. 

“and why can’t i join?” you asked, already questioning their antics. 

“because it’s top secret, duh!”

“and you don’t know the top secret handshake,” megan added, earning a little giggle from the girl

“and you don’t know the rules! or the special secret knocking code.”

you dramatically placed a hand over your heart, faking the feeling of betrayal. 

“how dare you girls make a top secret club.. without me.”

and though it was a joke, you still felt a bit jealous on the inside. 

you knew your daughter didn’t have favourites, but whatever this was, you hoped you could be apart of too. 

it wasn’t the end of the world, but you wanted to have that connection where gianna was comfortable telling you secrets as well. 

and you were happy for megan, of course. 

you were happy gianna felt comfortable and safe to tell megan everything, but you couldn’t help but also feel excluded. 

everyday they held  ‘top secret meetings’ that consisted of fits of laughter and whispering voices. 

and every time you would pass by, just to listen in, just to see what you were missing out on— they’d shush each other up and you wouldn’t get any information. 

“SHHHH!”

“me?” megan laughed, “you shhhh!”

“code red!”

and then silence, until you’d walked away. every. single. time. 

it almost becomes routine— meetings every saturday with the welcome in snack being cookies on a unicorn plate— that you had to provide, whispered planning sessions before bed, sudden silences when you’d enter a room. 

 you asked megan one night, whispered it without gianna hearing, but megan wouldn’t budge, she wouldn’t even utter a hint. 

“what are you guys doing?”

megan placed a finger onto your lips, “can’t say,”

sometimes you hated how loyal she was. 

your daughter would tiptoe around slyly, head peeking dramatically out of every door frame to make sure you weren’t around before walking around with the shoebox— “you better not be around.. it's CLUB BUSINESS MAMA.” was what she’d yell out before exiting every room 

it was adorable, but it was breaking your heart.

so you started asking more direct questions, knowing your wife was a terrible liar. 

but she beat you at your own game by offering you the guiltiest of smiles and the standard shrug of her shoulders

the feeling of being left out felt even worse— why didn’t gianna care to let you in on her super secret club? it was starting to hurt more than you wanted it to. 

but of course you let things slide, why rain in on their fun? 

except, you’d begun to notice things throughout the weeks that their secret club was in session— like pink glitter littered all over megan’s sleeve, marker smudges left on the floor of her room, pieces of colourful construction paper peeking out from underneath the couch.

these things were all new— maybe their club was crafty? and you weren’t invited because you didn’t draw to gianna’s standards? you had no idea

༘⋆

you groaned when you almost slipped on one of gianna’s toys— one you'd told her to pick up to avoid that exact thing from happening. 

you picked it up, walked over to their ‘secret meeting room’, and without thinking you opened the door. 

they scrambled to hide something behind their backs quickly, not expecting you to abruptly come in 

“IT'S A SURPRISE.. I MEAN NO IT'S NOT.. I MEAN.. LEAVE THE ROOM!” megan blurted out, gianna trying to make sure you hadn’t seen anything. 

you raised your brow, this was the most suspicious they’d ever been, you dropped the toy into the bin and left without saying a word. 

“she knows..” megan whispered, before gianna glared at her, “no she doesn’t mommy! she can’t read minds!”

༘⋆

you decided to spend the afternoon tidying up gianna’s room while she was at school. megan was off at rehearsals and you’d taken the day off work to honestly just have time to yourself— because even you needed some rest. 

as you folded her comforter, the shoebox tumbled out from under her bed, the contents spilling over her floor. 

you didn’t think anything of it— from where you were standing it looked like an assortment of art supplies 

you knelt down to pick up the mess, before you froze

what you see are pictures of gianna, you, and megan, all holding hands in a line— it was definitely drawn by your six year old but that’s what made it special, even the hearts where lopsided

you shuffled through tiny post-it notes, ‘we love mama becuz she makes us cookies’, ‘we love mama becuz she kises me good night’, ‘we love mama becuz she always plays with me even wen she’s tierd’ 

your throat tightened

you reached in again, seeing a small handmade keychain with the words ‘#1 mom’ on it, and the cutest, unevenly made friendship bracelet with all of your favourite colours. 

the last thing you found was a card full of pink glitter— much like the one you'd seen on megan’s sleeve— it read, ‘top secret club- surprise project: make mama smile everyday’

your chest ached; you realized the club was never meant to exclude you— it was about them showing you how loved you were, it was about celebrating you

you quickly shoved the pieces back into the box, tucking it away where you'd assumed it had been before it tumbled out. 

later that same night, gianna held the same shoebox with caution, she was visibly nervous and megan was cheering her on 

“you got this baby, go ahead.”

“mama..” she started, her voice quiet, “our secret club was about making you smile because we love you the most.. i hope you like it..”

you take a look into the box, pretending like this was your first time viewing everything inside of it— but it still felt so much more special now that you were all together

“now you’re officially invited,” megan whispered, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek 

“but you still have to learn the handshake!”

megan let out a loud laugh, “good luck babe, it’s weirdly complicated”

you and megan smiled, you loved your little family.