#floatingthoughts

Recently I was asked by a girl driving me home "Are you depressed, I mean like are you ok."

I didnt know her much and only met her the night before and was just like "yea" I mean there wasnt more to say in my mind cause if I was depressed or something was really wrong I would just say 'yes' and if I really wasnt I would just say 'yes'. I mean if I actually was I wouldnt have been taking with her in the first place, I wouldnt be talking to anyone.

She went on to say "Well its just cause I care about mens health cause suicide is the biggest kille..." It was like she memorised the whole facebook status and was going to ramble off the whole thing, I had to stop her there before it became too much. I knew she meant well but I wanted to explain the thing kinda wrong with the whole thing and how people approach the male suicide problem.

"So, you read the facebook post as well huh"

"Yea I just dont want young men to feel as though they cant speak about their problems"

"Yea, I think the problem though is that the people, that are asked are they ok are always fine, the ones depressed are the ones you least expect"

"like the happy ones"

"more like the ones you wouldnt ask"

"cause you think they are fine"

"I think cause they are people who no one talks to" From here the conversation kinda died and we went onto something else but it showed how people, mainly those who want to help thought about the issue.

This was the first time I was asked if I was ok, and the thing was one of the most positive times I had been in life for a long time... and that’s the problem. Now as a shy person with a lack of confidence the main time I would be depressed or feel like shit would be when I'm not talking to people, not even engaging in conversation. As a result I would not get the opportunity to meet people and thus wouldnt go to any event or lets say I did go to something, my personality wouldnt attract people to talk to me.

The one time I was super sad and really NEEDED help was when I wasnt talking to people, when people wouldnt come up to me and I was not invited to events within my group of what I thought were my friends. I felt like shit and cause people were intentionally not inviting me to things or wanting to talk to me. Only once I became better and started meeting other people only then did the original people want to even talk to me. What I am trying to say is, the people who NEED your help are: The ones you arent including The ones you arent talking to The ones who you dont see The ones who dont quite fit The ones you dont think are interested

Every time I have had a party, I have invited everyone, just in case I have missed someone and in case they arent normally invited to events, and everytime the people who I think are my friends dont come and people I dont know too well and didnt think I could rely on do...and I notice.

In this instance, it would be better to ask a random that seems closed, are they ok, the person you dont really want to talk to cause they seem closed off. I am guilty of this only asking people I want to talk to cause they are positive. Or R U OK day I asked happy people who were definitely ok instead of others that probably werent.

For the OK challenge thing, people who I knew were ok were posting it and people who probably were feeling like shit and were excluded or were never tagged in it, cause the people tagged were everyone with good close friends and they dont need help.

So, if you want to help, dont talk to that cute guy or that happy friend you want to be close with, talk to a person no one else will talk to cause in the end the problem lies just in that, the people you dont talk to are the ones who need it.

In the end, we can just turn to tinder to see why girls dont face the same problem, even the most introverted girls are approach on tinder, the ugly ones will at least get SOMEONE and so its never up to them (even if they feel like shit) to reach out.

In men’s case, it is the opposite: THEY need to reach out THEY need to ask and lastly THEY dont get to choose All the happy good looking ones get enough attention but the ones who need it and feel like shit even get one match and even if they do chances are the girl who matched with them wont reply if for some reason, he happens to talk to her cause he is the "bottom" of her options.

So yea if you want to help ask that guy who has about 3 likes on everything IF that and find out if he is ok, like just an OK photo from an OK guy and make his day, seriously asking me, a person who jumps between INFJ and ENFJ if I am ok when extroverted, its nice but 100% I am. Rather ask the guy who is drinking by himself and talk to him, bringing him into a conversation, he’s the one who needs it.