#flirting help

i followed him on TikTok and found out that he makes music and I was like fine whatever i don’t really like it that much but i can totally ignore it but now he’s like “do you wanna hear something unreleased?”

……

no..?

ok this is a tricky one to answer because a lot of people handle flirting differently. I think the biggest thing to watch for when seeing if someone is flirting is their body language and eye contact. how often do they touch you, lean in to you just slightly, or look at you (science says looking at someone for 8 seconds or more is a sign). do you catch them glancing or staring your way a lot (like three times is the magic science number for that one) then they either quickly look away or smile. these are kinda the cliches, but they’re cliches for a reason. another thing to note is if there is a shift in how they act with others vs with you. if they are either more awkward and fidgety or, the complete opposite, more confident and show offish (to impress you) than usual you have a good shot. but, if these don’t help, you can always give me a little break down of what goes on with them and i can report back what i think.

in terms of you flirting…eye contact! (it’s back, it never leaves) try letting them catch you looking their way three maybee four times, but not so many that it’s creepy. and when they see, just throw a cute smile and turn away. that’s a good place to start. and then, if you make it to conversation (which i believe you can!) try the push and pull, lightly tease them, like ‘haha wow you’re such a nerd.’ and then compliment them by saying ‘you’re such a nerd, it’s adorable.’ stuff like that. and remember things they tell you about and then bring them up again in conversation, it’ll show you care. or bring up something they’re wearing. like if they have a star wars shirt on ask what they thought of the new movie. or if they posted a pic on instagram at a concert, ask how it was. they’ll notice that you noticed and it’ll score ya some major points.

sorry this post is like a messy rant haha maybe later today i’ll make a clean and coherent flirt post. but hopefully this helps ya a bit?

I’m the anon who just said she doesn’t know how to flirt and I forgot to say over text. I can flirt irl but for some reason, texting is a completely different story. 

in terms of taking a compliment well, I think the easiest way to go is to take the compliment with an ‘oh thank you’ and then turn the attention off yourself by giving them a compliment in return.

Why, thank you darling - I guess you could say I possess a certain amount of charm; it all depends on who you ask though.

Firstly im going to apologise a little because I'm about to put my psychology student hat on.

Honestly, flirting with others is all based in self-confidence and the way you present yourself. People are smarter than we ever give credit to - we pick up on the slightest amount of body language and process it subconsciously. It's something we as humans adapted over thousands of years of evolution. We don't realise this, but the way we feel about ourselves is apparrent to everyone around us regardlessof if it comes out of our mouths or not. We have an ability to read the others around us through the ambiance that we all bring into a room or conversation, and its undeniable; its incredibly hard to hide how you feel about yourself from others.

People do believe in the "fake it till you make it" mask, but i always caution people on this, because they tend to not do the mental work associated, and in turn come across as not genuine, which is even worse than coming across as insecure or off-putting. So, with that I'd say first of all you need to respect and love yourself, or at least think you are worthy of that flirtatious conversation and the attention that comes hereafter. It's not something that comes to people naturally; we are all insecure about something. Nobody loves everything about themselves. But, you can like yourself enough to think that your flirting can be successful, and that's half the battle.

Think of it this way. You walk into a party, and everyone notices a new person. It takes 3 seconds for people to register either interest or disinterest, just based off of the vibe that you have when you walk in. You want people to be interested? You come in confident. People are attracted to self assurance and people that command attention "without trying". Not many people genuinely have that quality, and it does take a certain amount of effort to come across that way, but if you walk into a room with a positive mental attitude, people will notice and you will pique their interest. On the other foot, if you walk int othe party visibly nervous, then people notice that too, and tend to subconsciously decide you arent interesting enough to go talk to or to put time into conversing with; that's because the insecurity radiates off of people that feel that way - it's like trying to hide sadness but people can see right through the facade. So, long story short: confidence is key. However, there is a difference between condifence in yourself, and a cocky, "I'm better than you" attitude, which is again very off-putting as you can imagine.

So, you've piqued people's interest by being confident and self-assured. Where do you go from there? I always say that expecting people to come to you is the death of flirtation. Sure, it works for some people, but usually that leads to chasing their attention and that's not a good basis for anything. So, take charge! Make the move, be upfront, don't let your inner sabetour tell you not to, because I can guarantee regardless of gender or orientation, everyone appreciates forwardness. I always think that a side of humour works the best in flirting, it takes away the anxiety of the situation, and also shows that you can have a good time; people love someone that can make them laugh. Don't reply on self-deprication though, because that gives way to insecurity, and again it can put people off.

In most situations, flirting with someone should be like a game of tennis; its all about being able to bat the ball back into the other person's court; its a dance that takes two people. flattery is great, sure, but going around telling people thy are pretty doesn't always get across that you are into them. Again, this is why I personally think that being forward is the best way to go. The worst that can happen is that they arent into it! sure, it can make your ego take a hit, but thats all it is. Ego. Thats where the self assurance comes in handy. Not everyone is going to be into you, and thats okay. Because you are a unique person, and being an individual means that you aren't going to be for everyone.

Body language is important; if you can understand it, you can read someone before they say a word. Are they facing their body toward you as they talk? Is their body language open, or are they folding their arms? (That's always a sign someone isn't interested, if their body language is closed off to you. If the person is giving you their full attention, smiling, arms at their sides or even better, touching you, go for it!) Are they looking around the room, or is theri focus on you specifically? It's all these small signs that help you udnerstand withotu words if someone is interested, and it give's you that little bit of confidence to go for it.

Speaking-wise, it's different depending on what community you belong to. Lesbians and queer women tend to flirt a little differently - saying things like "I love your outfit" or " you are so pretty!" usually works for them, and I can't say I quite understand it, but it's a tango that you'll appreciate more if you fit in that community. Usually though, a general rule of thumb is the compliment/joke/relation sandwich. Say something that makes them notice you've been really paying attention to them; maybe their eyes, or you've noticed that their jewellery is really nice; it makes people feel special when you notice the small things, and their reply gives you an idea of if there is any chemistry between the two of you. Jokes are always a good way to connect; it doesn't have to be a full of "ha-ha" joke, but something to break the ice or tension is great; say something about the situation the two of you are in: classes, how dingy the bar is, how the music is shit at that club - it gives the person a sense of comfortability and relation to you. Thats where relation comes in; people want to feel connected - like you have something in common with them. Maybe they are wearing aband tee that you like, talk to them about how you love it! maybe you are at an event for a hobby, it helps to bridge the gap between the two of you in conversation. But remember that the important part is making it known what your intentions are; you don't hae to say "I'm trying to ask you on a date", but a "I just thought I'd come speak to you, I thought you were really hot and I didn't want to miss my chance" works great.

To round up: Personally, when I flirt with someone, I make it known that I know who I am and that I have a solid sense of self. Go into it with confidence! Be forward, and take the leap! If you want to go on a date, ask them! If you want them to go home with you, what's the worst they can do? Say no? There are other people out there who would die for the chance. Show your interest, and don't be shy about your intentions! One of the best things that anyone ever did to me was sit straight on my lap in a quiet room at a rave and start talking to me (it wasn't weird, I had met the person previously) and that confident attitude really caught my eye.

Step 1. EYE CONTACT

So I have been trying to push myself to actually attempt at flirting after being single my entire life. Today's mission was eye contact.

I am incredibly good at presenting a friendly, smiley, sensible person to the world, as long as no-one gets too close.

I therefore have this fear of any guy looking at me in the eye, and seeing my imperfections, or reading my true emotions.

So today, I am proud to say I stood firm and hel the eye contact! And it actually resulted in me feeling like I was more engaged with the person, and built a stronger connection.

8 Transformative Seduction Tips For Shy Girls

It is easy to offer someone a gentle nudge in the right direction to let them know that you would like to be asked out on a date. The easiest way to do that is to let them know that the odds of you saying yes are in their favour. Here are 8 Effortless Tips to Get Your Crush to Ask You Out, that may just help you find the love of your life.

Understand the first steps

You can spend time getting to…