Confession Countdown - Nov 3rd
mamma mia here I go again! & dean winchester ā” // more abbanatural xĀ x

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Confession Countdown - Nov 3rd
mamma mia here I go again! & dean winchester ā” // more abbanatural xĀ x

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Confession Countdown - Nov 1st
Dean has things he's too afraid to say, so he scribbles them down in a notebook before tearing out the pages and destroying them š (companion to this cas piece. click for quality)
Confession Countdown - Nov 2nd - and so it goes // billy joel
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
Confession Countdown - Nov 4thĀ
The inner monologue of Dean as he sits on the dungeon floor after the empty takes Cas. Read below or on ao3 (900 words)
I hate you, Cas. I hate you so fucking much. How could you do this to me? I canāt move. I donāt even know if Iām still breathing. What does it matter? I feel like my headās about to explode and itās all your fault, you selfish piece of shit. How long have I been sitting here? An hour? Two? I donāt know. I donāt care. The ground is so cold. I think I might be shivering; Iām definitely shaking. I can feel the damp seeping into my bones but what the hell difference does it make? Maybe Iāll die here too. Maybe Iāll do what you did and just fucking leave. Desert my family, leave my friends, abandon everyone who ever cared about me. Maybe Iāll make some stupid fucking deal and not tell anyone about it. Dammit! I could have helped you, Cas. I could have stopped this. We could have stopped this. Together. I keep hoping this is a nightmare, but if it is I canāt wake up. Iāve tried and I canāt. If itās a nightmare, itās endless. Iāve been sitting here for years, but you only left me minutes ago. I deserve this. I know I do. Iāve done so much wrong in my life. I deserve to have a glimpse of something great and then lose it in the same second. And Iām so angry at you. Iām angry in every cell of my body. I want to burn the world down. I want to murder everyone in it. I want to melt into the floor and never get up again. And itās your fault, itās all your fault. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you, Cas. Why are you making me hate you? Please, just come back. Please come back, Iām sorry. You didnāt give me enough time. Why is there never enough goddamn time? This is all my fault, everythingās my fault. Just come back and Iāll hate myself enough for the both of us. If you can hear me, come back. Iām not asking, Iām telling you. Come back right fucking now. Please, Cas. Please. Iāll do anything you want. Iāll spend the rest of my life trying to make things right. Iāll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy. You never even gave me a chance to try. I swear I can be better, just please come back. I hate you so much for what you said, for turning it into a weapon. I hate you so much itās burning me up. But I canāt hate you as much as I love you. Fuck, Cas, I love you. Of course I love you! Why didnāt you let me tell you? I wanted to tell you. You didnāt give me enough time! You were here and now youāre gone, and I donāt even have a body to burn this time. Shit. Cas, donāt make me do that again. Donāt make me grieve you. I canāt do it again, it almost killed me the last time. Shit. Did my silence make you leave? Would you have stayed if Iād just told you the truth? Iām such a fucking coward. If I told you that Iāve been in love with you for years, that I dream about you at night, that I miss you when you leave a room, that I thought that you didnāt feel the same way, that you couldnāt feel the same way - then would you still be here? Why didnāt I just tell you? I should have just said it. I wanted to. I tried, when we were in purgatory. You cut me off and I thought that was it, you didnāt want to hear it. Just please come back. Iām sorry, alright? For everything. Iāll do it right this time, because this canāt be it, not after everything weāve been through. This canāt be the end of us. We deserve a chance. A life. Weāve given everything to the world, why does it get to take this too? Thereās this screaming in my head now and it wonāt stop. What am I supposed to do? I love you; Iām saying it out loud. Iām yelling it. If I shout it loud enough, will you come back? Iām sorry I couldnāt say it when it mattered, but Iāll say it now. Iāll say it every day. I love you, Cas. Please, just come back to me. Please donāt turn our love into a weapon. You can take it back if it means youāll stay. You can take it back if it brings you home. Itāll carve me up inside, but I donāt care. It will be worth it to have you safe, to have you alive. This isnāt right. Loving me killed you, I know it did. Iām broken and dangerous and I hurt the people I love. I always have. Shit, what am I supposed to do now? My bodyās here but I left the moment you did. Iām gone, and I canāt ever come back if youāre not here. Tell me thereās a way to get you back? Iāll do anything. Please just talk to me, tell me you can hear me. I have to get you back, Cas. I need to get you back. I swear Iāll get you back. I promise I will.
Please, Cas.
Cas?
Confession Countdown - Nov 5th
It's November 5th and Sam can't help but reflect on life as he goes for his morning run. Read below or on ao3 (1.3k)
Sam stretches in the weak morning light, rolling his shoulders and taking a deep breath before taking off on his daily run. His sneakers slap loudly against the sidewalk, breaking the silence of the early morning. He runs without music, preferring to think as he moves, to unravel the thoughts that build up in his head like dust as he sleeps. And he has plenty to think about these days. Good things, thankfully. Great things. Like Eileen asleep at the house, her hair fanned out across the pillow and her mouth hanging half open. Sam kissed her closed eyelids before he left and when she sighed contentedly in her sleep, it felt like his heart might burst right out of his chest.
He thinks about other things too. Simple things. Like the pancake mix he prepared before he left, or the simple pleasure of this crisp November morning as his sneakers pound against the pavement. Solid beneath his feet. Real. But most of all he thinks about his brother, and he thinks about his best friend Castiel, and he thinks about what they have now, and a smile settles on his face. Heās so proud of Dean, and heās so happy for him, but most of all heās relieved. Heās so relieved he feels like he could dance. Dean is happy, and heās okay. For the first time in his life, heās really, genuinely okay.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Just a little psa that from Nov 1st - Nov 5th I'll be dropping a new creation each day to celebrate the countdown to the confession and using the tag #Five4Fifth. And in general feel free to tag me in stuff/use #emeraldcas