#firthing

While I love books, and am a great fan of P&P the book, i don’t always have time to sit and read the whole book. It takes me days to read it (which is weird for me because I can read longer books in less time). It’s so much easier to lay in bed and watch which ever adaption I’m craving at that time. I’m a pretty big fan of all the adaptions but quit honestly the 1995 mini series is my favorite.

I’m mean honestly, who doesn’t love Colin Firth’s Mr. Darcy? He’s good looking...

And his relationship with his sister is one of my favorite things about him. This adaption portrays they’re bond as brother and sister best of all in my opinion.

I also love how Firth played the shy brooding Darcy. His anguish and even pain during the first proposal is perfect. He loves Lizzie so much! And it makes my heart ache every time she refuses him.

Colin Firth is my favorite Darcy.

I also prefer this adaption because it sticks to the book. Which is something I look for in movies and shows.

But before I take up this whole post with my love for this adaption let me shine some light on the other adaptations which have just as much to give as this one.

My second favorite adaptation is without a doubt *drumroll please* Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I recently watched it for the first time and I loved it so much that I decided to watch it a second time yesterday.

Lily James is so perfect as Elizabeth. And Sam Riley is an A+ Darcy. Also zombies 😍 And the fight after Darcy first proposes. I want to learn martial arts just so I can refuse someone like that.

The whole cast to this movie is spot on and it’s surprisingly close to Jane Austen’s book.

I really love this Jane

Bella Heathcote is my favorite Jane Bennet by far.

All the zombie killing is amazing. Is it weird to say I wish I lived in a world like this so I could have some raw skills like that. Hah! Who am I kidding... I’d be the first to die.

I do wish it was socially acceptable to wear a knife or sword on your side. I’d wear one just for fashion and of course in case I met with a zombie. It’s always best to be safe than sorry.

Now one of my favorite parts of this movie is the comedy relief.

Matt Smith played a marvelous Mr. Collins. Through the whole movie all I could see was the eleventh Doctor stumbling into Austenland and playing along. Did anyone else notice the part when he brings Charlotte and Lizzie to meet Lady Catherine De Bourgh and he trips and falls on the way to kiss her hand? I cracked up at that part and I swear Matt Smith did that on accident and everyone just went with it.

Did I mention I love Matt Smith?

I have mixed feelings about the ending of this movie though. I mean I loved it. I really loved it but come on! I can’t handle the suspense. I need to know what happens. I hope they make a sequel or something.

I’ve never read Pride and Prejudice and Zombie so I can’t compare there. But it’s definitely on my reading list alongside the prequel and sequel. I’ve heard good things about the books.

Now for my next favorite adaption.

I love... I love... I love this adaption. It’s perfect to put on when you don’t have time to watch the mini series.

But I am more likely to criticize this adaption than any of the others because while they got so many things right they got a few wrong. But I’m not going to criticize it here. I’m simply going to share everything I love about it. Like...

Keira Knightley is the best Elizabeth Bennet in the history of Elizabeth Bennets. It’s a shame her and Colin Firth starred in two separate adaptions.

And now the scene that gives me life

The hand clench. I’ll be honest with you. This is the only reason I watch this adaption. Just for this scene.

I’m not kidding.

This adaption also has my favorite Wickham and Lydia.

Along with the sun rise scene these are just a few of my favorite things about this adaption.

This is a faithful account of all my dealing with Pride and Prejudice. There is just one more honorable mention.

Bridget Jones Diary. It’s past due time I watched this movie again. It is amazing. But then again I’m partial to any movie with Colin Firth in it 😏 But seriously. It surprised me how much I enjoyed this movie but I highly recommend it to anyone. I watched it before I knew it was an “adaptation” of Pride and Prejudice but I like it even more after I figured that out.

Rather hilarious excerpt: 

“I think I might be the person for this job.  Because:

I am geeky and not particularly conventionally pretty.

I am terrible at both flirting and noticing when someone is flirting with me.

Yet I have somehow dated a lot, both successfully and unsuccessfully.  And by a lot, I mean A LOT.

Since I have no ability to flirt or have sexy banter of any kind, my approach basically boils down to “We’re both humans, let’s talk about stuff that interests us, and if that’s fun, let’s keep doing that until making out is either on like Donkey Kong or clearly not in the cards, in which case, friends?”

Believe me, I was not always this cool.  My approach, circa 1988-1998, went more like this:

I like you.

I am filled with SHAME, CONFUSION, and LUST.

So, when you are nearby, I will ignore you!  But in a very obvious way!  Or I will pick an argument with you about something stupid!  And you will somehow know that means that I like you!

I will become overly invested and have an entire relationship with the version of you I constructed in my head.  We will have long conversations, that Head-You and I, until one day it becomes too much and I must relieve the pressure–

By cornering you and blurting out my feelings, or worse, writing you a letter that lays out my feelings and a thorough and airtight case for why we should be together.

And then giving you that letter.  Slipped into your locker at school, or in one case (EEK!) having your roommate lay it on your pillow.

And before you go “Oh, god, are you a crazy person?  Who acts like that?” (Which, dude, I know, and it’s possible that some of those letters are still out there and someday I’ll be, I don’t know, accepting an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay, and some dude I had a crush on in 9th grade will be like “Hey internet, here’s the obsessive stalker mash note she snuck into my Latin book one time!”), I’ll tell you who acts like that.

Mr. Darcy: Lord of the Dorks

Fitzwilliam Fucking Darcy, that’s who acts like that.  Only the supposedly totally dreamy main character of what became the boilerplate for every romantic comedy ever.  Let’s review:

Creepy staring?  Check.  To the point where my friends and I refer to it as “Firthing,” as in, “And then he sat down at the next table, but I could tell he was still totally Firthing me, so I had to leave.”

Becoming tongue-tied when the object of affection is close by, and masking emotions by either studiously ignoring or acting like a dick?  Check.

Becoming overly invested in the relationship, where a couple of stilted conversations + dancing that one time = WE HAVE A MEANINGFUL CONNECTION? Check.

Cornering the person and vomiting out your feelings?  Check.

Courtesy of captainawkward.com

Dear Captain Awkward:

There’s this boy.  He’s cute.  He’s also super-reserved.  Do you have advice on making a connection with incredibly reserved, hard-to-read people? I am a lady, for clarification purposes.

If you met him in a karaoke bar, your way is clear:  Sing this song and then buy him a drink.

I’m guessing that you did not meet in a karaoke bar.  And that possibly if you sang this song he would not know that you were singing about him, or if he did he would be terribly self-conscious and his ears would go all pink in that way you like, but you would be no closer to actually, um, dating.

There is no one right way to approach someone you are interested in, and a lot of wrong ways.  Your question makes me overjoyed for two reasons.  First, because most dating advice in the world assumes that it is the man’s job to approach women and the woman’s job to make herself approachable.  Men=Agents.  Women= Objects.  Gross.  Second because it is possibly my destiny to create a dating guide for people who are geeky and unconfident but really sexy and cool once you get to know them.  Since we still have ten good years before the robot ladies replace us, let me get on that.

I think I might be the person for this job.  Because:

I am geeky and not particularly conventionally pretty.

I am terrible at both flirting and noticing when someone is flirting with me.

Yet I have somehow dated a lot, both successfully and unsuccessfully.  And by a lot, I mean A LOT.

Since I have no ability to flirt or have sexy banter of any kind, my approach basically boils down to “We’re both humans, let’s talk about stuff that interests us, and if that’s fun, let’s keep doing that until making out is either on like Donkey Kong or clearly not in the cards, in which case, friends?”

Believe me, I was not always this cool.  My approach, circa 1988-1998, went more like this:

I like you.

I am filled with SHAME, CONFUSION, and LUST.

So, when you are nearby, I will ignore you!  But in a very obvious way!  Or I will pick an argument with you about something stupid!  And you will somehow know that means that I like you!

I will become overly invested and have an entire relationship with the version of you I constructed in my head.  We will have long conversations, that Head-You and I, until one day it becomes too much and I must relieve the pressure–

By cornering you and blurting out my feelings, or worse, writing you a letter that lays out my feelings and a thorough and airtight case for why we should be together.

And then giving you that letter.  Slipped into your locker at school, or in one case (EEK!) having your roommate lay it on your pillow.

And before you go “Oh, god, are you a crazy person?  Who acts like that?” (Which, dude, I know, and it’s possible that some of those letters are still out there and someday I’ll be, I don’t know, accepting an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay, and some dude I had a crush on in 9th grade will be like “Hey internet, here’s the obsessive stalker mash note she snuck into my Latin book one time!”), I’ll tell you who acts like that.

Mr. Darcy: Lord of the Dorks

Fitzwilliam Fucking Darcy, that’s who acts like that.  Only the supposedly totally dreamy main character of what became the boilerplate for every romantic comedy ever.  Let’s review:

Creepy staring?  Check.  To the point where my friends and I refer to it as “Firthing,” as in, “And then he sat down at the next table, but I could tell he was still totally Firthing me, so I had to leave.”

Becoming tongue-tied when the object of affection is close by, and masking emotions by either studiously ignoring or acting like a dick?  Check.

Becoming overly invested in the relationship, where a couple of stilted conversations + dancing that one time = WE HAVE A MEANINGFUL CONNECTION? Check.

Cornering the person and vomiting out your feelings?  Check.

Putting it all in writing?  Yeah, that too.

Let’s watch a scene, shall we?

WRONG WAY NOT GOOD ABORT ABORT

So what’s the right way?  Well, you obviously know this dude from somewhere, so you have opportunity to interact with him in some kind of safe, non-threatening way.  That’s good.

What I’d suggest, is, just talk to him.  Soon – don’t get overly invested in the idea of what interacting with him might be like.  Interact.  About stuff you’re (hopefully mutually) interested in.  And see what happens.

Dating Mad Lib

“Hi, I’ve seen you here a few times.  I really like _______ (something you are wearing, reading, doing, said).  My name is ________ (your name).  ___________(a question)?”

Now, you’re not delivering this like a weird rehearsed speech.  I mean, there will be pauses and responses from the other person, right?  But it’s a structure that you can adapt in many ways.

“Hi, I’ve seen you here (in the Medieval Manuscript collection of the library) a few times.  I really like your antique fountain pen.  Where did you buy it?”

“Hi, I really liked that question you asked in class today.  Have you done the reading for next week yet?”

This isn’t just for making a romantic connection, this is how you approach pretty much anyone you want to meet.  Hello, my name is + a compliment + a question.

Then I think the answer is to see where the interaction goes and stay as much as possible in the present moment.  By that I mean, pay attention to his responses.  Does he smile?  Does he keep the conversation going?  Even very reserved people will light up when they are genuinely engaged. With someone reserved, it might take a few interactions for something to click, so keep things short and light and be ready to politely withdraw.  The next time you run into him, see if maybe he says hello and smiles at you, and continue on as before.

I also mean, pay attention to your own responses.  When you’re crushing on the shy, reserved guy it’s totally easy to project all kinds of things onto the surface.  You don’t know what’s underneath, so (in your dirty lustful imagination) it’s all terribly complex and interesting.  So now that you’re having a conversation, is it interesting?  Are you enjoying yourself?  Is he as cool in person as he was in your imagination?  Do you feel safe and comfortable?  Are you still attracted?

You can’t control whether someone will like you. This is scary, especially there is an entire industry devoted to the question “What products can I buy to guarantee that I’ll be pretty enough that men will like me?” that has brainwashed us from birth.  (Answer:  Not Lip Stain.)   This is also incredibly freeing.  You can’t control whether someone will like you, so focus instead on your own experience and desires and use your interactions to figure out if you like him.

After you’ve had enough pleasant interactions that seem enjoyable to both parties, take the plunge:

“I really enjoy talking with you.  Would you like to grab dinner with me sometime?”  And then see what happens.  He could say no.  That’s disappointing, sure.  But not the end of the world.  He could say yes.  He could say yes but not realize that it’s a Date-date and you could get endlessly stuck in the Friend Zone, but that’s another post for another day.

So, to sum up, allow me to lay out a few of Captain Awkward’s Rules for Geek Dating, which should work for geeks of all genders:

The other person is just a human, so talk to him like any other human you find interesting and wish to meet.

Do it sooner rather than later, before you get too caught up in a fantasy or invested in the outcome.

Nobody owes you time or affection, so don’t approach dating with a sense of entitlement.

Be cool with rejection.

You can’t control whether someone will like you, so focus on your own desires.

Listen to the other person – pay attention to the actual interaction that is taking place and not the one in your head.

corrina, calm down, calm down… *pats shoulder*

HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS, SARAH